Cold Reign

Dan,

I love the atmosphere you’ve created in the opening chapter of “Cold Reign”. The setting with the killer, the moonlight pouring sliver mist are so dark and beautiful. Word combinations like ‘void of conscience’ make the reading so enjoyable.

Your choice of words is supreme. So is the plot. Everything is thought through – the killer’s thoughts, the operation of getting into the house, with Maureen guided by the voice, the illness and Mr Benson’s state.

By the by, the all-caps font catches the reader’s eye, so it’s good you used it.
On the whole, excellent and ingenious.

Ivan
The Beholder

Tonight's read - I've read just the first chapter so far so I'll come back for more' looks promising
Mountaineer

Very good pitches which led me straight in. Excellent read - nice stuff and worthy of a backing.
Rene

This is really pretty good. I like it. One has to get over the first, very short, paragraph (with all that stuff about moonlight playing with trees), but that is not difficult.

I wish you the best of luck.

Charles

Highly professional and gripping piece of writing, three dimensional characters, including the flawed hero and the murderers, complex and addictive plot, great dialogue, clear settings and some very atmospheric language. I am sure this will attract a great deal of attention. If I have a reservation it is that Adam forfeits our respect half way through (the planted papers) and although the plot was sufficient to drag me through to the end I felt that my sympathetic bond with the lead character had been lost. It becomes evident that Adam's instinct is correct and that the killers really need stopping, and Adam suffers terribly. Had the papers incident followed the attack on his girlfiriend and child I think we would have more sympathy. His solution is ruthless and reflects the ethos of the day, to some extent, but given the intricacy of his plot one would have liked to see it succeed without the sacrifice of all scruple. (Yes I know, I'm wimp!) In spite of these caveats I found this an absolute page turner and have highly starred and shelved it. Jaye

Dear Dan, I love the intrigue of your pitch that your Special Projects Officer Adam Shepherd is about to face the most dangerous case of his career. :) As I started reading chapter 1, I said, "Wow, the first 3 words of paragraphs are in CAPS :) - that's wonderful :) - what a good idea!!" :) - The CAPS catch my eye & makes me keep reading. :) Your tight dialogue & paragraphs, not to mention the killings, moved me right through your story. :) I liked in chapter 20 than Delores treated herself to a frozen Starbuck's because I LOVE them. :) I actually laughed out loud when I read, "If she get out of this alive.....she promised to end her killing days for good" & then she planned to "sue Alan Shepherd & the Ocean City Police Department for money than she could spend in two lifetimes." The humor of this was just beyond me & I'm still laughing at her reasoning & rationalizations. :) Revenge was something else all the way to the end of chapter 22. :) Hope you'll write a lot more suspenseful books :) - what a talent you have for intrigue. :) I have read, commented on, & put your book on my watchlist to back more than 24 hours when space opens on my bookshelf. :) I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs book, in return? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. every ******-ing & backing-more-than-24-hours moves our books up authonomy's lists :) - click on author's name, scroll down their profile page & click on their book cover or title & their book will come up :) - & you are on your way :)
None of this comment is copy/pasted & is written arduously my best from my heart, as I'm sure your book is, too. :)

Will read more soon.

Excellent pitches, well composed and effective. The opening chapter introduces Dolores, briefly, and Maureen the actual killer. Maureen's history reveals her aptitude for murder, and the scope for it in a nursing care situation. She's starting off as a realistic, albeit repulsive, character and as the chapters unfold we see the rationale behind the crimes - that best of all motives, financial gain.

The actual murder is well described, avoiding graphic description in the main, and I especially liked the reference to the dog, seemingly aware of what has happened. Maureen's concern for the dog, so much at variance with her callous disregard for human life is a nice touch.

Chapter two brings in the main protagonist, Adam, a man with problems in his personal relationships - so much more interesting than a bland faceless character. After four chapters I'm seeing your skill at characterisation, each stage bringing a little more of the characters to the readers' notice.

This is a strong premise, both realistic and chilling, where motive, means and opportunity are all present and yet the chances of the murders being regarded as deliberate are slim. A clear challenge for the 'white hat,' represented here by Adam, to expose the crime and bring the murderers to justice.

Will he succeed? I'm compelled to read on the find out, testament to the writer's ability to work a plot out and keep the reader interested.

The old man groping Dolores, in chapter four, complacency turning swiftly to fear, fingers turning white when he gets a hint of her dangerous side, is very effective. So far, you've given us old men who are somewhat less than pleasant old gentlemen. Mean, grasping or mean-spirited, lessening the shock of their demise. A frail old man who is more sympathetic would be much more shocking, but perhaps this is a deliberate plan on your part. Either way, you write very well in this genre.

I'm sure you'll receive advice of an editorial nature on this site, valuable advice, but I've concentrated here on a reader's view. If I had a concern at all it would be over the pace of the story, such a crucial element of the thriller genre, and there are areas where the action slows markedly. I'm not over-concerned by this as the back story elements are not over-long or intrusive and are justified in bringing our understanding of the characters to the fore. Others may find the action a tad pedestrian at times; it's a subjective judgement after all.

On my shelf with pleasure.
Jake.

This is brilliant Dan!!! I was right there with Maureen. I'll be keeping it on my shelf until I've read it all.
Backed with enthusiasm :)
Heidi

Dan, chapter 1 delivered. Interesting storyline and well written. Best of luck. CR

Dan, this is a superb beginning, I only had time to read chapter 1-3 and believe me I wanted to read more. You will get many flowery reviews whilst here, and many of them are sincere. Include this one in the "she means this." list

The characterizations are well crafted, giving the reader a damned good visualization of each of the players, you show us their feelings cleverly, without overdescribing which takes away reader participation. It's a fine balancing act and you appear to have perfected it well.

The 'angels of death' are well defined, and the tension is excellent, I have a feeling they are being paid well for their services by someone that stands to benefit hugely from the deaths. Not standard serial murders or thrill kills, I'm intrigued and want to learn more, thus the hook is set and strong, well done. I write in this genre and love it when I read a setup that is well thought out. The plotting and pacing is excellent.

The dialogue works well, each character that you introduce has that small difference in pronunciation and phrasing that bring them to life .
Pacing, again is great. I love the main players in this work. Adam, Sabrina, and our happy little band of murdering nurses. The tension is excellent. All in all you have a winner on your hands. This deserves to do very well on site. I look forward to reading more.
Bravo
Suzannah Burke
Twisted.

:) I will comment on your book as soon as I have read it :)

good use of narrative and dialogue helps this book very much; the opening lines show that you are a competent writer... on my watchlist...
SEASONS...

Wow this is an excellent creative piece.In fact the first chapter particularly the 1st paragraph is just amzing.it's etremely creative n I give u 5star rating for good job done.

:) I will comment on your book as soon as I have read it - read & commented on 2 days later :)