The Pure Light

I'm a fan of prologues and this one is good. Great last line, destined to make anyone turn a page.
Tight writing, I have difficulty with that, you certainly don't. Brief, even brusque at times it's clean and very effective.
I really know little about fantasy or sci.fic, don't have the imagination for it but what I do know is, there's clear evidence here of the making of a very good read. I like your style. It immediately transports a sense of fore-boding and a feeling of intrigue.
Potential indeed, I think. Scattering stars and giving shelf space, is the least I can do. Margaret.

Dear fairhearts,

I read your 3 chapters and I thought I would give you my cent and a half:
Since you only posted 3 chapters, I assume you are looking for a critique of the style, rather than climbing the ranks

So let me oblige:

The first thing that jumps at you is the journalistic style: short factual, self contained lines that create an objective plane. Well done.

Some of my favorites:

"fear gripped her like a vice"

"Fear was useless... "
This is probably the most important line you have so far
Why?
Because it establishes the mood going forward. You are saying, this novel is not about fear, is about anger...using anger.

"It was dark. It was tight"

Some Minor/minorest/monormost points:

I understand that "They" is a mystery you want to set up.
Just make sure that is set up as such; as a mystery.
How?
By increasing the sense of place: this will make the "They" more ominous

"her room was...' there is not enough sense of place here.
You can do this when your are further ahead in the novel, but at the start, you have to set up place in more detail

"high tech machine" be specific, name it .

"horror filled dream returned" again show the dream;
you don't have to expand, but you do have to provide a mind image so that the reader feels the horror

Again, at the start of ch 1 is not enough to name the casino, you need a mind image that opens up a picture in the reader's mind.

In chp 2 you describe the conditions of Delamar (i.e. a province of....) but not the place itself.
is a little like the difference between a map and a photo; you are providing a map,now gives us the photo.

"The mansion' again the reader needs a mind image otherwise this are just words hanging in his head

I also like the punk quality of the description (i.e. "air was rancid" ), something that can be further developed.
How?
By using poetic language to describe the decrepitude of the place,

so as to "make it ugly...but describe it beautifully"

A great start,

Hope it helps,

david

On my WL. Comment to follow.
Asma
The Therions