Book Jacket

 

rank 5445
word count 152952
date submitted 17.10.2008
date updated 10.02.2009
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy, ...
classification: moderate
complete

A Star Called Wormwood

Jane Senese

What if humans one day evacuated the Earth? What if those they had left behind decided they had just witnessed the Rapture?

 

Six hundred years in the future, the majority of the human race have left a ruined Earth to colonize other worlds, and those remaining live by a doomsday religion based on apocalyptic scripture. Bands of militant pilgrims roam the earth, while isolated towns fight over resources and a charismatic leader tries to establish himself as the new Messiah.

Born into this world is Ben Asher, a young man with a dangerous gift. Ben can heal wounds and sickness with a touch, but only at the cost of his own health. And his dreams are haunted by dark creatures with terrifying powers. After the last of his family is murdered, Ben find sanctuary in a town consumed by paranoia, where he learns he is not the only one with seemingly “divine” gifts.

A Star Called Wormwood is also the story of Erastus Magus, an ambitious holy man who has sold his soul to become the world’s Savior. As Ben comes to understand his true nature, Erastus discovers a rival for his godhead. The stage is set for a confrontation, but as a deadly plague follows in the healer’s wake, Ben may not live long enough to confront his enemy.

 
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tags

fantasy, gnostic, peasants, post-apocalyptic, science fiction, spirituality, tyrant

on 6 watchlists

22 comments

 

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D.A.M. wrote 1301 days ago

Jane - okay - I added this to my 'Watchlist' because of the summary alone. Man! You grab your readers by the shorthairs, don't you? GO GIRL!

JAK wrote 1303 days ago

Hi Jane,
I put this on my watchlist this morning and have now read the first three chapters of this intricate,beautifulloy written fantasy. The first thing to comment on is, of course, the world. i was utterly convinced by it because it was so clear that you had thought everything out so carefully from the reasons for the present state through to the politice, customs and faith (the sermon was masterly!) i also liked the language movements with the germanic slang terms- totally convincing. I was particularly intersted in the mummers because in Chester we are fortunate to have an almost complete medieval mystery cycle (only the play of the women at the foot of the cross has been lost) which are performed every five years- magnificent stuff. To me, your mummers language didn't seem quite old enough- ours is heavily based on alliteration with very little conventional rhyme - BUT your verse is immediate and very appealing so I'm not suggesting you change anything. As for characterisation- I really like Helda and hope I'm going to get a great deal more of her. ben is wonderfully enigmatic at this stage, i know a lot about his past but it's all splendidly patchy and I see his reactions and responses. i think this is completely the right approach and I'm full of admiration that you've done it so skillfully- i can't stand it when an author tells me what to believe about a character- i want the right to make my own decisions. Anyhow, this is cracking good stuff which is going to look very handsome on my bookshelf (and probably isn't going to do my reviewer rating any harm either. This deserves to soar) jak

Hypo99 wrote 674 days ago

GREAT NAME - GRREAT COVER - BUT MOST OF ALL - A GREAT STORY.

BACKED WITH PLEASURE

Hope you get the chance to peek inside The Russian Hat.

warm wishes
Brendan

Owen Quinn wrote 704 days ago

Great pitch jane that evokes so many exciting images from the start. This is of very high quality and up there with Gaiman and Kootz. The writing is atmospheric and the world broken down is well played and glad to see it wasn't a Mad max scenario but created by choice.

Eric Rhodes wrote 1138 days ago

Excellent reading and exciting topic. I've shelved it at chapter 6 but will definitely finish as I love this subject matter. All the best,Eric

i2robot wrote 1210 days ago

Gday Jane - I'm Back

Just read 6 and had no trouble whatever with the story development or the interaction between the characters however I'm a bit concerned that its all dialogue. Great as it is Id like to see more of the setting in this chapter as in the previous. Still I like it enough I'm going to start promoting it in the forums

RoB

Billy Young wrote 1234 days ago

I looked at the first chapter and was very taken with it. I could see myself sitting reading this as a physical copy. I don't think I could sit and read it all on screen even though it really did transport me into the world you have created. I could almost feel the stinging sands as Ben banged on the gate to be allowed in. Wonderful.

Cas P wrote 1280 days ago

Hi Jane, had Wormwood on my watchlist for a while and I've finally managed to read chapter one. I have to say that it was a joy to read something with (virtually) no punctuation errors! Good for you. And the only typo I found was 'his eyes *was* instantly...' I was also a bit confused when Ben sees 'the valley stretched for kilometers' and realises it was a Tower. Then he says that the Tower hadn't been very big. ?? Maybe it was just my misperception. My one other criticism would be that chapter 1 was far too long. If all the others are the same length, you have one whopping huge book! But your world-building and characters felt real, the dialogue was pacy and the premise full of suspense. Well done!

Hannah wrote 1283 days ago

Hi Jane
I've had your book on my watchlist for ages! Am finally clearing my backlog.
Anyway, forgive me because I only managed to read one chapter but I thought this was enjoyable and the part where Ben was locked outside the gate had me on the edge of the seat with you. I was like, please let him in!!!! That was ace, and really visual too. I could see this as a film actually, playing out.
Some gorgeous moments in this. I did feel, however, you could tighten the narrative a little bit. Just trim a few excess words here and there, let the narrative feel trimmer. This could just be me, as I have a fondness for lean stories, but just my 2 cent's worth. Tighten it by about 15%.
Hope this helps and you continue to climb the charts.
Hannah

i2robot wrote 1287 days ago

g'day Jane
almost nothing to say about chapter 5 the writing is good like you just hit stride. What did concern was my mild reaction at the end of reading. "Where's Ben's story gone?" I'll be disappointed if he's not back in 6 - oh good, he is - I just peeked. I know the story is about both Ben and Magus so I know we will have to spend time with each but I wonder if alternating sooner and more often might work better (for example could 4 and 5 be swapped) just a thought - its your story your call.

Rob

jane_senese wrote 1295 days ago

Hi Hannah,

Oh, my duplicity has been unmasked. The pitch is very Carnivale-y, isn't it? I adore that show to death - and yes, I'll admit some of the similarities are purely coincedental... and others... not so much. It's definitely in my short-list of heavy inspirations, up there with A Canticle for Leibowitz, Rome (the show, not the city, not that is the city isn't great), and The Reckoning (aka, Morality Play, but I found the movie much more evocative of the travelling actor lifestyle than the original novel).

i2robot wrote 1299 days ago

gday Jane

just read 4, the story gets better and better - I love the philosophical and pragmatic Magus who condones his right-hand man's liaison with his virgin? bride. I also like the way your playing with religious iconography. Im trying to do something similar with mine but not half so well or explicit. The scantily clad gladiatrix had me worried until Magus explained its origins. The biggest problem I found here was the first three paragraphs of info dump. If you really need all this you might like to slip it into the active parts of the story in smaller slices. Personally I wonder if you need it all. It's info you need to know to keep your characters on track but the reader should be able to pick up most of it from the story events - example "the nine cities paid tithes ..." etc most of the elements of this sentence are better expressed in Helena's ruthless extraction of promises from the Prefect

word choice: 'orange-suited girl" suited gives the opposite image to "scanty clothes"

RoB

D.A.M. wrote 1301 days ago

Jane - okay - I added this to my 'Watchlist' because of the summary alone. Man! You grab your readers by the shorthairs, don't you? GO GIRL!

Bruna Iotti wrote 1302 days ago

Dear Jane,

The first chapter left me speechless, so beautifully written. The words were so carefully chosen.

I loved the detail of the apocalyptic scene, nothing could grow and fowl tasting water! I can imagine that if humans carry on as they are. Well done for writing such a book. You show the details of what it could be.

I decided to aim at a younger age group, still under the same theme of saving the planet. I also worry what will be the future for my precious children and I feel the responsabiity like you to do something about it. Since, I am not a soldier, I write!

Good luck to you, your book deserves to be published.

Bruna

JAK wrote 1303 days ago

Hi Jane,
I put this on my watchlist this morning and have now read the first three chapters of this intricate,beautifulloy written fantasy. The first thing to comment on is, of course, the world. i was utterly convinced by it because it was so clear that you had thought everything out so carefully from the reasons for the present state through to the politice, customs and faith (the sermon was masterly!) i also liked the language movements with the germanic slang terms- totally convincing. I was particularly intersted in the mummers because in Chester we are fortunate to have an almost complete medieval mystery cycle (only the play of the women at the foot of the cross has been lost) which are performed every five years- magnificent stuff. To me, your mummers language didn't seem quite old enough- ours is heavily based on alliteration with very little conventional rhyme - BUT your verse is immediate and very appealing so I'm not suggesting you change anything. As for characterisation- I really like Helda and hope I'm going to get a great deal more of her. ben is wonderfully enigmatic at this stage, i know a lot about his past but it's all splendidly patchy and I see his reactions and responses. i think this is completely the right approach and I'm full of admiration that you've done it so skillfully- i can't stand it when an author tells me what to believe about a character- i want the right to make my own decisions. Anyhow, this is cracking good stuff which is going to look very handsome on my bookshelf (and probably isn't going to do my reviewer rating any harm either. This deserves to soar) jak

Bruna Iotti wrote 1307 days ago

Dear Jane, I shall put your book on my watchlist and read it. I will get back to you.

Bruna

jane_senese wrote 1307 days ago

Hi, thanks so much for the comments, and for the space on your bookshelf! I made a few minor updates to chapters 2 and 3 to make things a bit more clear, especially the mummers' reactions to Ben. Don't worry, Noa's supposed to come across a more than little weird at this point. The mood swings of a typical nineteen-year-old girl who just happens to see the future, and usually a pretty bleak future at that.

i2robot wrote 1309 days ago

I've read three now and what I really like about this tale is Juxtaposition of the medieval feel with modern technology.

The first two sentences of ch2 are background. “After the storm …” is story continuation. I would expect a paragraph break between.

“Sweepers” was a light bulb moment for me. In the opening it was just an unusual term. After the storm it has meaning and seems obvious and logical for your world. I enjoy these little moments of revelation - shows good craftsmanship – I’m still looking out for what “mummers” are.

While I’m on it this theme the other questions raised in ch 1 are what draw me on (overlooking what’s in the pitch) 1. Why has Ben taken this obviously perilous journey 2. What is the connection between his dream and the dancing girl’s reaction? And before I get those answers you add more questions with Helda’s assessment of Ben. He just keeps getting more interesting.

“Oh, smile a little more and then. - what does this sentence mean?

ch3
Ben and Noa are developing nicely - I love the bit where she touches his hand to see if he's real - it stuck me as odd at the time and clever when we saw it from her POV. What I didn't quite grasp was her statement. "I just can't keep my eyes closed." you say later she 'dreams with her eyes open' so I get idea That what you are trying to convey is she cant keep her closed *all the time*

The pop-up German phrases sometimes annoy especially when the meaning isn't clear from the context - eg "er ist mein warmer bruder." If it was restricted to one character it might be less problematic even if still not understandable or if we were shown somewhere that this is and English-speaking German settlement or if fact that it is made clear they all speak German and the narrator is translating - e have a reason for it.

character motivation needs attention. Iona the scruffy grudging tumbler changes to best mate. Noa is "petrified' of Ben at first sight, then merely coy at next meeting and offers him a sigg (cig?) at next. Even Caleb who beats him for looking at Noa mere scowls at him when he gets invited to breakfast.

Don't let all this put you off, its still a good yarn thus far - it's on my bookshelf and I will read on as time permits


Patty wrote 1312 days ago

Jane,

Read some more. I like the world you've created, so I'm sticking this on my bookshelf for a bit.

You might want to watch POV. If Ben is the POV, he can't see his own face.

jane_senese wrote 1312 days ago

Hey, good spotting on Malthus and Ben's name. I just fixed it. Yeah, it wasn't clear, was it? In an earlier draft I had a much longer conversation with Ben and Absalom - I must have trimmed that but not Malthus's line.


I think I know what you mean about hurensohn, too. It's such a great swear, but somehow it doesn't flow as well as the other German insults. I might just end up translating it straight into English... not sure yet.

i2robot wrote 1313 days ago

I'm hooked enough by the opening chapter to want to read on. The damaged world has a good feel and Ben is easy to identify with. The action is great and the dialogue believable.

'hurensohn' threw me. I got the meaning from the context but it jarred whereas the other foreign (german) words didn't faze me they seemed appropriately placed.

How did Malthus know Ben's name was Asher? ''... mistress Asher with a few Asher brats ..." the reader knows but not the other characters

look forward to reading more




lastings wrote 1314 days ago

Hi Jane,
Thanks so much for coming to look at 'Tyranny' - and for thinking it is good enough for your bookshelf!!! Corvan, of course, is barking mad, and it becomes clear in a few chapters' time that he was actually in love with Mira - when she betrayed him by goading him into killing her, he quite simply couldn't bear the sight of any of the women any more. Of course, he wasn't able to admit this to himself - nor the fact that he was afraid of being manipulated again. Boys became less of a threat, in that they were not able to reach into his deeper emotions in the way Mira had, and expose any weakness. But all that is to come, as Rendail grows up and finds he can reach deeper into the nature of Corvan's insanity - then, Rendail realises that he has the same flaws, and has to find ways to keep himself from going the same way. Hmm - didn't explain very well, but hopefully you get the idea! I'm thinking of putting some more up in a week or two's time - we'll see how it goes!

There is one other thing - it's not fair! How come every time I follow someone's comment, I end up at a book that looks really interesting?! So you are into healing gifts as well? This I've got to read! The blurb looks fantastic - it's on my watchlist for the weekend reading session! I'll get back to you soon
Thanks again and all the best
Jo
PS - you may get this several times, as the site is playing up (again!)

Patty wrote 1315 days ago

Hey Jane,

I came here after your message in the forums.

I thought this beginning quite interesting, and full of action. On the other hand, I also have to agree with Rob that there is too much telling. Not hideously too much, though. I think a judicious pruning of some paragraphs of narrative will speed this up a lot.

I liked the first three paragraphs, but after that I grew fidgety until he utters the German expletive. I doubt we need the 'two days' thing, and you have the whole novel to tell us what's happened to the world - it can wait until later. I'd just move onto the dialogue, and then the sand storm ASAP. Keep the action flowing, because you have plenty of action here.

I like the concept, and I like the unusual-ness of German being spoken in the future. I don't know, but German rarely seems to feature in SF. So I think this is mainly good.

Uhm - I think in German the word 'Sie' is always captalised?

RobertB wrote 1315 days ago

I think your basic idea's good, but it needs some serious edting to make it work. You start wth oodles of telling and description before you finally get to the point where something starts happening, and you show us something. Cut the description, work it in later if you need it. Same with the quote from the Sybellines; it does nothing where it is. Use it later on if you need it. Start with some action. Otherwise readers are going to drop it before they get anywhere.

I'd be grateful for your comments on 'Heir of Ages'.

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