HUNTER

Hey congratulations on getting a publisher. That's fantastic news. Well done. :)

Pete x

Thank you so much for reading it. This is of course a very rough draft. I like to post the story first to see it the idea of the plot is interesting enough to persue. And yes as any new author point of view is something most of us need to work on.

"Your story has a flow that is very compelling. Your other mechanics are fine. I think if you work on the POV issue, you'll have a marvelous story"

This comment alone has made my day. If you have not read my older works (that are no longer posted) you would understand. I have worked extremely hard in the past year to begin to learn the craft of word to paper. I now have a publisher*... My second work through them to be released any day. And still the self doubts find me. So I do thank you for your kind words.

*Hunter remains in its rough state for a little while longer. Butt not forever.

Hunter
Fiction
3rd person multiple, juxtiposed.
This is a difficult call. Usually, this would be called head-hopping. Juxtiposed POV is one of the most difficult to pull off. It might be dismissed because this POV style is not typically accepted by editors.

If you are going to use this method, be very careful that each paragraph is solely that character's POV. If you mix POVs within a paragraph, it becomes distracting and confusing.

For example; "Instead, he came right up to her and kneeled before her. When she finally found the courage to look up, confusion filled her eyes and mind."
The problem here is that she cannot see her own eyes. You are in her POV, but unless she has a mirror, she wouldn't know that confusion filled her eyes. He would see that, but that would be his POV.

Your story has a flow that is very compelling. Your other mechanics are fine. I think if you work on the POV issue, you'll have a marvelous story.
Raechel
Echo

Hi Debbie. Interesting first chapter. Almost like a prologue to fill in the back story and bring us up to where the story starts. I haven't read beyond Chapter 1. I hope you've gotten into more dialogue to help the story take off and move more quickly.

I think you write fairly well. I'm not a technician, but I've had enough people help me and I've learned a few things about structure. If you stay on this site, there is a lot of help here. I wish you luck with your book.

If you have the time I would appreciate it if you would look at a chapter or two of my book, A PLACE IN LIFE, and let me know your first impression.

Thanks in advance.

Old Bob
A PLACE IN LIFE

Hunter
Although the pitch is short, the story is well written, and it's romance all right
Backed
Lenny Harry
(Like a dot on the horizon)

Hi Debbie, what an enchanting tale. Read to the end of what's posted and can't wait to find out what will happen to Ward. Will watch out for more chapters. Starred and on my W/L in the meantime. Best of luck.
Babs

Hi Debbie, welcome back. Looking forward to reading your latest offering on authonomy. Will return soon with comments. :):)