Savannah Fire

Savanna Fire
Fiction 3rd person.

All I can say is WOW! Now THIS is a novel! I can see why so many are backing this one! Excellent on all counts.
I'm a little curious how a guy can nail a woman's perspective so keenly. These characters are postively spot on! And the tension is perfect!

Count me a fan. As soon as I've got a space, this book will stand on my shelf until it hits the ED. It is one of the most deserving I've read on this site. Flawless as far as my humble opinion goes.
Raechel
Echo

Dear Al, I do believe you've surpassed yourself. This oozes Southern heat, intrigue, and a menace that simmers beneath the charm of some of the characters, while showing what human decency there is in others. The opening is tense, but then in ch.2 and 3 (from what I've read so far), you show us what a sublime writer you are.

The characterizations of Patricia, Judith and Rhett grow with each passing paragraph - with Judith at the fabulous bridge party, with Patricia and her inner turmoils that practically made me avert my eyes in my own grief for her, and with Rhett on his way to the mission. The latter shows a complex character, and by giving us little details such as his kindness to the stray cat, he gains a sympathy I hope will not let readers down in some way. Beau, I'm not sure about this one... I think perhaps he could be a little more gentlemanly - outwardly, to Patricia.

I have a few little suggestions that I believe would ratch up the tension in ch.1, and I can only hope you don't mind my presumption in giving them - for you to take or leave, of course:

The red laser beam -- I suggest something like *... raised a gun (?) and shot a red laser beam at the street light...* (I just didn't think *...brought a red laser beam...* cut the mustard.

I don't think you need *...which was why they had decided to break into his office to get evidence against him*. That much is already pretty clear, and to end that paragraph on *...who slept around.* would be pretty punchy on its own.

I'm not sure you need the paragraph *Their biggest problem would be the security guard...* Personally, I'd have just - *One less issue. Meticulous planning, speed and stealth, and now Judith fumbled with the key in the dark*. I think Patricia's "He's four blocks away," she announced without glancing up.* ratches up the tension, as in WHO is four blocks away? We can find this out a little later - perhaps a few words near the end of the chapter, when they're outside, as in having the security guard's car - *with its tracking beacon so cleverly hidden under its rear fender (? or wheel arch), turned the corner as they disappeared from view.* (Something like that.)

Last thing on this ch.1 - and just a thought which might just ratch up the tension for its end. That is, if you have Patricia going back to the office to open the blinds - she struggles, the phone rings etc., and the lightning as well as the sudden bursting into flames from the tree, all illuminate everything, making her sick with fear/fear of the time, of being seen - but she freezes. Back to Judith panicking until Patricia finally runs into the lobby, and she delivers that end line about seeing *a man*. I just felt, as it is, she's seen him clear as day - that scar etc. And as I've read further, it would appear it's only the following day she approaches him in the square. So apart from giving the end line of that chapter more punch by leaving out the face to face at the window, I think what follows makes the situation of her not immediately recognizing him more credible. (I'd maybe also make it at least a few days later that she sees him.)

A similar thing with the start of ch.2 - most of which I just loved. But with Rhett at the beginning, I feel you've given away too much here. Personally, I'd hint at what he's up to - just the fact he's watching the Falcon house, and let us find out what he's got along with Patricia.

The rest, Al, is SUBLIME WRITING, just sublime. That party, that shows Savannah society at large, Patricia's haughtiness - and yet we later find her as vulnerable as a little girl; Judith in all her southern glory - but wonder what on earth that husband of hers has got. The passage on Rhett going to the mission is just so touching - and real. As is what Patricia has to endure next - it broke my heart.

The plot itself is intriguing, to be sure, and your characters bring every secret Savannah might hold to colorful life. It sure gives New Orleans a run for its movie money!

Highly starred, and I shall back this work just as soon as I possibly can in the simmering heat of this town called Authonomy

From Kay with love
(Waystation to Prosperity Street)

Night goggles , tracking devices, Gucci and Rolex...Alan, I had so much fun reading this. Sex in the city meets Thelma and Louise, this was an exciting, adventurous read. I was actually smiling at different points. It read seamlessly. I felt as though i were actually watching a movie as the chapter went on.

You've done a great job at building fun, interesting characters, developing intrigue, and painting the scene. Lightning, sirens, strangers in the window- you certainly know how to build up tension. I loved the southern accents and dialect as well. "Two minutes Y'all!" added to the cowboy feel of it all.

only one tiny typo I found. "Though forty five," you wrote, "Thought forty five."

This is just fun fun fun. A great read that made me smile more than once. As I mentioned earlier, it unfolded like the scene of a movie. I was right there 100% of the time.

Absolutely nails Savannah, the Suth'n glory of centuries past, still seething today, with words and accents sweeping you right there, feelin' it. Captures the reader immediately with a tangled plot to be unraveled; real characters who live and breathe its history as well as its social patterns, in a mystery you can't put down. Strong, visualized writing. A sure winner. Five stars, backing as soon as I have an opening.

chuck -- Marshall Warren -- "Sunrise, Sunset" a story of Power, Politics, Mother Earth, Sex and Money. 49 chp.

Hi Al, I've only read a few chapters, so far I've enjoyed it. I've uploaded my first YA Summerland if you have time for a look;)

working on the first couple chapters with the little time i have. So like it so far, very engaging and hard to exit out.

So far so good.

You've got a good grasp of the language (both proper and colloquial) and it's just enteraining to read.

I like the humor and the snappiness. Good times. I'm backing this one.

Hi, Al.
Congrats with your review :). One of the best i've seen here in a while.
Best of luck with the trilogy.
Maria :)

Obviosly the editor didn't enjoy the story quite as much as I did. I'm still waiting for the book to go on sale so I can find out what happened.

They were right about several things: there are 'several' engaging characters. The connection between Rhett and Patricia is mysterious and frankly, as I mentioned, I'm anxious to learn the details of the rest of this story.

As a reader, I'd fling a twenty spot on the book store counter in a heartbeat to buy this book. I rather think most of the readers I know would also.

Hi,I started reading this and only had time to read the first 2 chapters, however I have really enjoyed it. You have really captured the characters even in this short time and I'm keen to read more.

Couple of things which sound a little odd to me when I'm reading (but this could be just me!) - you mention lamp pole in one paragraph when you mention a guy watching the house, then describe this a couple of paragraphs later as a light pole. I assume you mean the same thing but I know this as a lamp post but this may just be a figure of speech that I'm more familar with. You also mention Patricia climbed the porch steps and crossed the wide porch, I thought this read odd and would have been a bit easier to read if it said something like she climbed the steps to the wide porch (again could just be me!).

In all a good read so far so will read more when I get time.

Hi, thanks for the welcome. This is the first time I've ever posted anything anywhere, I'm wondering what people will think of KD. I started reading Savanna Fire. I like your style it really brought me right into the action and having all the right details in all the right places....I hope the editors have plans for you!

The comments are totally warranted! This is great! Can't wait to read more!

I am loving this book! I started with a later one, but switched to this to get the background of the characters involved. I've noticed, though I could be confused, it seems as though the main character, Patricia, is about the same age in this story as we see her daughter Hayley in the subsequent story involving Hayley's daughter Maxine. Yet the stories seem to be set at about the same time in history, though they would need to be 20ish years apart. I have not yet finished either story, though I am very much enjoying them, so I could be mistaken or missing something.

A well documented and smooth read, blessed with visual use of description to complement the tension so comfortably presented; even in the very early stages of the book. The characterisation is probably some of the best I've read on this site too. Certainly worth a visit to the editor's desk and deserving of the level of backingg it has received so far.

Yes! A spectacular start to an excellent spellbinder. Suspenseful, delightful read.

GRHWagner
Of Unicorns And Pegasuses

Congrats. I see you've just been named an Editor's Desk Winner.

Well done, Alan

Dear Alan,

A most enjoyable read, great writing and the flow of the story was smooth and exciting. I would definitely recomment this to my friends, Success in the future.

Regards Eddie

Nice, I like it so far. I've wandered the streets of Savannah myself and have almost broken my ankle on some of those cobbles. I'm looking foreward to reading more and will get to it just as soon as I can. Okay, sooner. Bonne chance, until then. If you get a moment, please check out The Vale of Blood. Blessings! PD Lorenz.

Two chapters in, and I'm loving this book and characters.

This is on my shelf; until it gets published, then I want it on my shelf and autographed.

I think you Patrica, Judith and Rhett, would get along swimmingly with my Hooker, in Death on a Dime. I think Rhett especially.

Roc L'Bearz

Hey Alan

Short pitch: Wow!
Long Pitch: Wowweeee!
That was incredible Al. I like the way the story begins; simple, concise and pitchy. The dialogue was simple and natural.

The narative structure flows though not like a mad river, but deep. The character you created in patricia is interesting; being a wealthy but imperfect woman with a challenging trial is something that's gripping. I like that.

I had a good read.

Hey Alan

Short pitch: Wow!
Long Pitch: Wowweeee!
That was incredible Al. I like the way the story begins; simple, concise and pitchy. The dialogue was simple and natural.

The narative structure flows though not like a mad river, but deep. The character you created in patricia is interesting; being a wealthy but imperfect woman with a challenging trial is something that's gripping. I like that.

I had a good read.

Alan
Im going to be honest and admit that this wouldn't normally be the sort of book i'd read but It really IS good! Of course you might not need my input seen as your book has reached the pile and recieved a medal already.
Anyway, I thought it was well written and despite me saying it's not my sort of book; I read some Lesley Pearce and your writing seems similar to hers. Savanna Fire is raw, heart-hitting real drama and I loved it!

Zoe

Well done Alan,
Looking forward to seeing it on the shelves of the bookstores! Fingers crossed.xx

Congrats on making it to the editor's desk.
--Nick

Congratulations, Al.

Congratulations!

I very much enjoyed reading through this. It's tight, well written and intriguing. More under the surface obviously. I'm sorry that there are no more chapters as of yet. I look forward to more here or in hard form someday. Count me a fan.

Nice opening. The dialogue was realistic and the scene was very descriptive. It was like I was actually there. Great work and congrats for making the editors desk.

SAVANNAH FIRE
Alan Chaput

Read through Chapter six. Afraid to go further because the deeper I go into this mysterious story, the more I become involved. I don't want to arrive at Chapter ten and not have more to read. Always troublesome to me. Nevertheless, this is a great work of fiction and I applaud you enthusiastically. Best of luck and I am backing you gladly.

Sincerely,

Mary Enck
A King in Time

Whenever I have read advice about what to write, the phrase "write what you know about" springs to mind. With you, Alan, I am IN the South. The woven references to Southern Life, the character dynasties, the unfaithful men, and the patricians considering bringing women into their stronghold, all links beautifully to create a book I keep wanting to read.
I want to know about Rhett, the classic villain, no doubt someone's heir. I want Patricia with a man who deserves her and I want Beau to get his comeuppance! This reminds me of a Sidney Sheldon book, and I'm expecting some sexy romances, a murder, and a double cross at some point. Maybe a cotton gangster, or a new technology crook! I'm up to Chapter Five and I will return to keep reading soon.

This is a deserving book, and I hope now that you have reached the editors desk you get a publishing offer. This is a great piece of writing, well constructed and I could hear the voice of the South throughout.
Ch4 - tiny edit, I suggest in the early paragraph about Rhett changing "he walked away toward her" to "he walked toward her" when he storms out of the job.

Congrats and good luck xx

This is really really god and I can see why its at no 5 and about to get the kudos it deserves. Great suspense, lovely use of southern flavours, really great read.

I like this book. I hope that it is published.

I am currently writing a book based in Savannah too. Such a beautiful and vibrant city. Backed

As I was reading your book I pictured it as an awesome screenplay. You do a fabulous job with the interactions between your characters. You tell the story right from the start. I give your book a six star rating and it continues to stay on my bookshelf--only a few more days to go. Fingers crossed.

Hey Al, I've had you on my shelf for two months, when are you going to show me the courtesy of reading my novel? How about an honest opinion of my writing and story? And not just a few token chapters? Can you do this soon?
David Schild

This is a very well written novel and although it's not the type of thing I usually read I was quite surprised to find myself enjoying it after the first chapter. You have written a novel with intruguing southern charm and just enough suspense thrown in to keep us on the edge of our seats.
Your writing is very vivid and sets the scene nicely. I loved how detailed your descriptions were :)
Well done!
Yasmin
- Guileless

I've added you to my bookshelf. I will read it but I will leave one comment. Don't like to litter pages with comments when one over all will do. Please be patient and be kind enough to remind me if you do not recieve a review in a few days. My wife is in the hospital so I'm running. I've placed my latest non-fiction here for review feel free to read it. https://www.facebook.com/ReginaldLeviWalker

Finally, I got to read Savannah Fire. This is an easy-going, clearly well written and polished book. Well done. By the end of chapter 5, I'm intrigued by Rhett's past and equally intrigued by Patricia's burglar past - why on earth has she been doing that?

I'd love to offer the nitty faults you picked up in Forfeit, but I can't. Clearly, SF has been around long enough for many people to pick up on typos and misplaced commas. These are the things, which, I'm not sure are wrong, but did drag me out of the story:

Why is it unusually quiet on the street?
When is this set? Do people in the southern states have names like Beau and Rhett? None that I've ever met on my travels. (I worked in Virgina for a summer)
At the start of CH2 where you introduce Rhett there are a lot of He, His, He sentence starts. Might be nice to mix it up a bit. (You don't do this in CH1 or 3)
You know how you told me to describe the smell of the Bulgari aftershave? I think maybe you could with the Virginia scents too, if you want to grab an audience outside of the US (even the southern US states?). Magnolia, I can just about imagine, but the "sweet fragrance of tea olive blossoms" means nothing to a girl from the UK, I'm afraid.
Do Virginian robins "squawk"? Ours don't. They don't make much noise, but maybe your robins are different to ours.
End CH5, does that mean they had sex? As a woman, I find that odd. It's common research that a man having any kind of emotional crisis, seeks/likes sex to feel better, but a woman shuns it. Not sure about that bit.

This is my biggest flaw - when Patricia sees the scruffy man watching her house, why doesn't she assume it's the man she saw in the window in CH1? I'm, assuming it's him. Oh, it is him. I guessed that, why doesn't she? I'd have thought the hair would've given him away, not the scar. And then we find out she has a teen pregnancy... Rhett looks like her Dad... but she's not slightly suspicious? I think I'd like her to have maybe an inkling when she realised he looked like her dad. I really think she ought to have at least suspected by Ch5.

Minor details. It really is an entertaining read, Al. You've done an awesome job.

Good luck. And if you don't make it this month, you know you will in Sept.
Cx

A few things-not nitpicking, but have been reading grammarbook.com for my own rewrites. Feel free to double check my source.
...eased onto the curb, and killed the engine. (No comma b/c no subject before second verb.)
Hell yes.... (need a comma after an introductory word like 'yes.')
And, look around (no comma needed after and.)
Tasteful, but modest. (Don't need the comma.)
I think you mean "a firetruck with lights flashing not "a firetruck, lights flashing (unless the lights are separate from the firetruck's)
Not trying to aggravate you, just trying to be helpful. You are obviously kicking some serious butt! The story is great! Chapter One was fun to read and will stay on my shelf. Dina

There is an infamous script out there in Hollywood lad called the sky is falling about to derange priest to discover that God does not exist. Their discovery leads on a murderous rampage and the Vatican has no choice but to send a hitman over. The man is dying of cancer. As he approaches the two mad monks, and the man gets closer to God but will he actually be rude faced with the reality that perhaps God doesn't exist?

It is with this in mind I approach to Savannah and I really do enjoy the scenes of church poverty and Americana as well. This is the mythology of America, is perpetual motion through the landscape, seems like celluloid film, the total eradication of history and the ever present present. This novel set out to do what I need is kind of novel can do which is to marriage the violence with the E ideology of the higher realm i.e. the church. Lost count appointing it with the collapsing decaying ruins of society manifesting the poverty stricken is the desolation, the zero horizon of ideology. Domestic or the talent to be up to write a Sahara Savannah style trilogy or series and link them all together for the desolation in the depravity of the heavy things must be very weird week but I'm only a strong constitution could support and extrapolate things within them. Well done.

If I were in a bookshop looking for a thriller and read the first few paragraphs to see what this one was like, I think I'd be in! The start is really strong - the characterisation and showing of this friendship through dialogue, and the dialogue itself - "things might happen - what things?" and I can almost hear the spooky music behind it. (I'm not sure what exactly it is that does this - I think it's the cumulation of lots of little details, and the dialogue.) You have some great lines, too - "darkness hid her smile". And then - I didn't expect them to be looking for to be hunting for a husband's secret affairs - and then the end of the chapter has the reader hooked. This is good stuff. And grammatically correct - which matters more than people seem to think. (Though "alright" is two words - "all right" - or at least officially!) Highly starred.

Al, since your edit, what was already a polished and crafted piece of writing has been greatly improved. Since your edit, Savanah Fire has gained extreme emotional depth and complexity which sweeps the reader through the plot amplifying the characters' thoughts and feelings to the point of making the reader experience them for themselves.
The dialogue is extremely well written, being very poinient at times. This is almost flawless!
However, i did get a little confused when some characters referred to Alton as Chad, and others as Lucius. Also, when Patricia was at the bridge luncheon it might have been more appropriate for her to think of Ret by name rather than the barefooted man.
Other than those minor issues, this is an amazing book which, in the virtual sense, i couldn't put down!
Backed with pleasure
Amy

I'm having trouble scrolling the pages to read people's work, but from what I did get to read, you did an amazing job with this. Hopefully, the problem with scrolling with correct itself and I'll get to read more.

Until then, backed, and best of luck with it.

Susanne

This is a fast-paced, fascinating story. I hope that my support helps to gets Savannah Fire onto the Editors desk.
Good luck Yours Bea

Really well written and exciting read. I'm afraid my backing is a bit too late for this ED which is a shame because I think it really deserves professional eyes. You're characters are well developed and I look forward to seeing how all of their stories interlock. The hook of Rhett's interest in his birth is fascinating and drew me on to reading the first seven chapters in a single sitting. It has all the promise of a great novel. Also you handled Patricia's grief well in the narration. The tender scene between her and her husband shows great depiction of human relationships which colour your writing throughout what I've read so far.

Good luck with your novel. Not that you need it!

Alan, wow. Was sure the author was female until I saw your profile. Great female characters, very believable. Book rated and will back when I've space, if it hasn't made the editors desk yet. Will be grateful for feedback on my book when you have time.

Alan,

I sure hope you finish this story! The first ten chapters breezed by, and I am definitely left wanting more. I love the character development and the intrigue builds from the beginning. I look forward to the rest!

Monica Donaldson
Relentless Hartt

Savannah Fire -- Alan Chaput -- Great read Al! Well written, well edited, and so creative, I can't believe it's not published!

Star-rated and on my shelf!

All my best to you!
Ellise ;)
~ The Governess ~

Extremely riveting, well-crafted, excellent read, Al. You definitely have "southern imagery" down, I do a lot of work in the South, and this is very believable. I wish you well with this and hope you make it to the ED this month.
- Tom

Lovely, Al. So well written. I think this is one of your best. I got so into it right away. Good luck to ED this is a winner!
Connie
Moonstone Beach

Very filmic opening scenes. Some of your similes strike me as trite or labored. I also found the repeated construction "anger [or whatever emotion] surged" a little distracting and intrusive. Perhaps this could be varied in some way. All the same, you have an interestingly complicated plot that moves along nicely. It's hard to know how much detail to introduce and when! I think it would be better to withhold Rhett's reason for being in Savannah until a bit later and not mention it as soon as we meet him.

excellent alan, the pitch is excellent
adding to watchlist as the shelf is full.
will read as and when i get time
happy writing
regards
amit
note- if u get some time do take a look at my book and comment

Firstly, I have to say that I'm not keen on the pitch. You say Patricia's oblivious to the fact that she's being watched by a homeless stranger, then in the next sentence you say she befriends him. Only read 2 chaps so far, but I'm guessing the homeless stranger is Rhett? If so then she's not really oblivious to him anyway.

On to the book. Your writing seems good to me, although I have to admit the style's not quite my cup of tea when it comes to all the short sentences. I love the idea of powerful, rich, old families so the Falcons really grab my interest.
There are a couple of bits I'd suggest removing. Firstly: where the incense in Beau's office makes Patricia wonder if he's converted to an Asian religion. I just found this really random and it pulled me out of the story and gave me a "huh?" moment. After all, plenty of people use incense without any religious reasons. Secondly: Round eyes as large as Palmetto bugs (no idea what Palmetto bugs are, and it conjures a strange image).

Anyway, this is something I will continue reading and consider backing.

Hi Alan

You have a really tight pitch here. The comparisons to Coben, Conroy and Brown personally turned me off a little but that’s just me. Great cover too.

Well, I’ve seen this around the site for ages and never really knew what to expect with it. I have to say that this is one of the most polished reads I’ve read on here. The first chapter is very, very well written. The short sentences add to the tension and kept me gripped. The addition Rhett and his apparent link to the Falcon’s was very nicely done.

The premise may not be so fresh in terms of lifting the lid on the high-life, but it’s so well written I could look past that.

Highly starred, some shelf time coming up soon.

Silva