Lexi's Place

Jo, you have created a situation that many can relate to and a character in Lexi that women will be able to empathise with. Your styly flows well and you balance dialogue and narrative perfectly. I can see Lexi's Place on the top shelf in bookshops. Maria (Georgina's Family) :)

LEXI’S PLACE crit it forward
I read the first five chapters of this. And think it’s a clever idea for a story. I liked Lexi immediately; all of us know what it’s like to have a messy house, a child to pick up from preschool and no time to put dinner in the over. Mark’s attitude when he came home from work surprised me. Made me not feel bad when he left. Made me strongly agree with Lexi’s friends she was better off without him.
I like the way after Mark leaves that Lexi wants to begin her own business. It’s a spunky side to her she didn’t show in the first chapter. The arrangements for the grand opening were interesting. Mark’s return was a surprise. Guess he hopes to have his cake and eat it too.
Lexi’s opinions about her mother-in-law are precious. We all think those things but aren’t allowed to voice them as well as Lexi does. Overall, I liked this a lot. If I had a suggestion it would be to get to Lexi's Place opening a little quicker as that's where the heart of the story seems to really begin..I have to stop reading to clean up my house, pick up my preschooler from nursery school and put something in the oven for dinner but I’ll be back tomorrow to read more.

Really smooth writing, exactly the kind of thing that I would read lying on a sun lounger on holiday. I am really struggling to make any constructive criticisms - take that as a compliment!

Highly starred and deservedly backed - best of luck, Marns

I love reading books that can make me laugh after just reading the first chapter and that's exactly what yours did. The part where Lexie's friends rename Mark as F-wit was hilarious
This is such a charming story and I love Lexie as a character, she's down but not out. Her struggles against her ex-husband, cow of a mother-in-law, setting up her own business and looking after her son are issues you dealt with successfully. It really stands out in your writing and makes the reader sympathise with the MC.
Women everywhere will love this kind of chick-lit (is that the right term?), it' the perfect kind of material to read on a lazy afternoon in - or three in my case!
I loved this book and I really wish you all the best with it. Who run the world...girls!

Yasmin
- Guileless

'F-WIT' haha I just can't stop laughing. That's one of the best names in a book EVER. Jo, this is brilliant. You've nailed chick lit. The voice, the pace, the idea, it just couldn't have come together better. I'd love to read all of this. Definately one of my favouirtes on the site. Well done, my dear.

Hi Jo, love chick lit and decided to check out your book. I really like your cover although I think you could make it more eye catching. This is a great story and one I can relate to, Lexi is adorable and you feel you just want to root for her. High stars, Karen, Faking it in France - next book Baking it in France?

You have a good idea here for your story. There are so many working mums juggling motherhood and stay at home mums being run into the ground, loads of women will be able to connect with Lexi, smypathizing with very common issues of today's mothers. The idea is inspiring and may spark ideas/hope to potential readers living similar lives.

You feel sorry for Lexi from the very beginning, she isn't appreciated and the husband seems to lay on the pressure of being the perfect housewife pretty thick. Things turn from bad to worse... a lot of people can relate to the blankets on the sofa instead of turning on the heating as well as trying to save petrol, so it's good to see a touch of reality and not some glitzy world often potrayed in the chick lit genre.

The only fault i find so far is that Lexi didn't seem too bothered that her husband left, i thought this section lacked something. I mean, he was the man she married, father of her baby, partner of how ever many years but then it all seemed to be fixed with a bar of chocolate. Maybe you're trying to show her strength but it comes across as being detached and possibly unrealistic. I, and every women i know would be completely distraught if our partners left, even if the relationship had turned sour so I would want a little more, maybe a chapter more of how Lexi felt/what she was going through before she moves on to her project.
I like your cover, the mix of personalities within the friendship group and the fact that Frankie is just old enough to have a voice of his own, adding more to the story. Will keep reading. :)

Lexi’s Place
RCG Review

1) Pitch: I like the short and long pitch. The ‘dazzling secret past life’ was intriguing. (I also love the cover.)

2) Plot: I like the idea of a woman building a new life from the ground up and following her dreams instead of falling back into the same old rut, which can sometimes be much easier. Lexi experiences the ups and downs of starting something new and as a reader I’m hoping she works things out in regards to Frankie.

3) Pacing: I admit I did skim a bit during the detailed parts describing every step Lexi took to get her business started. Sometimes less is more.

4) Spelling/Grammar: I can’t really comment on spelling because I am not familiar with UK spelling, but the third paragraph in chapter 1 after Frankie trips in the hallway: “Finally the lasagne was in the oven, it had just turned six so mark…” Mark needs capitalization.
- Used to love Wham! Your auto-capitalization capitalized the O in “out” right after the exclamation mark in Wham!
- Chapter 22/24: “I know they bought him this morning because I spoke to her.” Should be “brought,” right? Also, same chapter: “I’m never too busy for a cuddle form my best boy…” Should be “from.”

5) Dialogue: The dialogue seemed natural and realistic, so I found no issues as I read.

6) Voice/Style: This story is very unique. I have not seen another like it. A struggling young mother trying to start a new business and still find a way to parent her young son, as well as a new man in her life who puts her back in touch with long-lost feelings.

7) Characterization: I thought you captured perfectly the life of a mother of a young child. I also have a young child, so I can relate. (“Lexi poured an early glass of wine.”) Also “F-wit” made me laugh. You did a wonderful job revealing the ugly side of Mark toward the end and I disliked him intensely by the time I’d reached the final chapter. Great job!

I really like this book, Jo, and wish you all the best with it!

Madison
No Risk, No Reward

Jo, great little opening chapter.
RCG
Pitch: Cover is adorable. Short pitch great, long pitch a little wordy.
Plot: Great idea for a book, introduce problem right away, end with a cute list and a big problem to solve. Great hook.
Pacing: Right on, rushing along with Lexi to the nursery, home, and her new life.
Spelling/Grammar: Not my strong suit, but it read great to me.
Dialogue: Love it, her talk with best buds was really clever.
Voice/Style: Perfect for this genre. Easy, fun to read.
Characterization: Good picture of stressed young mom, little boy, and f-wit of a husband.
Good luck on your writing. High stars and keeping it on my watchlist to read more later.
Janet
The Milche Bride
Clarissa's Kitchen

RCG - Lexi's Place

Jo - I read the first three chapters.

Pitch - liked the short pitch and the cover is perfect for the story. The long pitch I would edit - taking out "She also builds a close circle of friends..."

Plot - good premise for a story. Working mothers, tiny tots and meeting for coffee - I think we've all been there. The husband is useless and spineless - I look forward to reading what you do with him later in the book. Lexi wanting to become independent and start her own business - very scary for anyone, but she seems determined to make a go of it. I am cheering for her from the get go. Frankie is adorable. I want one.

Pacing - good pace.

Spelling/Grammar - I think a hob is a stove - the word definitely lets us know where the story takes place.
Quite a few punctuation errors and run on sentences - nothing that detracts from the story and should be easy to rectify with revision.

Dialogue - well done between the friends. We all need friends like these two - quick to offer support and jump in to help. One question - when hubby is leaving her you write that she goes from hysterical to angry - I didn't get the hysterical part other than her crying.

Voice/Style - Love F-Wit. Great contemporary feel to it. I'm a big fan of third person story telling - I think you do it well.

I have starred Lex's Place and hope to read more. Good luck with this -
Deb - Forever Love & Family Pictures.

Good mum, good child, so-so father, uncaring husband, rotten MiL. There's nothing more hurtful in a relationship when one party quits trying and nothing the other party does can mend it. That's how the story starts.

Okay, little wonder how Mark of the Beast turned out having suckled on the teat of such a monster mother-in-law. I'm ready to put him out of his (and Lexi's) misery. I feel a good hate coming on.

But by chapter 4, Lexi's has her new café ready, she opens the doors and she's off and running… and so is the novel.

It's a hilly roller coaster, good and bad and all the reasons we read novels. I highly recommend it.

Lexi's Place.
A critique for the romance crit group.

Pitch: I love the cover and the first pitch, it made me read on. But I feel that the second pitch could be sharpened up; there are a couple of clunky sentences. The sentence beginning with, 'Lexi's Place is a cafe....' doesn't really flow for me...maybe you could put, "Raising her young son alone, whilst learning how to run a business from scratch, pushes Lexi to the limit.' It's more economical. The fact that he's four years old doesn't matter in the pitch and you've saved yourself a precious word or two! Also, because you have freed up a couple of words, you could add 'but' in the last sentence - which I think would make the sentence flow better....'but at what cost'. Just some ideas for you.

Plot: A great idea...yes, it's a man leaves woman to battle on story, but we all love them and you have found a different way to do it!
Pace: Good - I've made an observation below but, on the whole, it flows fairly quickly. The chapters are the perfect length for a chit-lit style book.
Spelling/grammar
My ms is littered with typos and grammatical errors - they are so much easier to see when it's someone else's work! Anyway...you have the occasional habit of making the Star Wars grammatical mistake...i.e "to boldly go"...it should read, "to go boldly." Yours are, "wearily explained", "quickly poured," "hurriedly put"...you get the picture... Also, (and believe me I'm no expert on grammar; in fact, I'm no expert at all) but maybe a few commas could be altered here and there...I'm probably wrong!
dialogue: Particularly good in chapter one. It's believable and flows well - not too many "he said, she said's" either - great! There were a couple of bits of dialogue I wasn't sure about in later chapters (in terms of the voice of the character) but that's just personal choice and I would go with what you have.
Voice: Despite the last comment I thought it to be well done. Although the book is in the third person, we are "right there" with Lexi and how she feels.
Characterisation: Very good and believable. I hate the husband but I like Lexi (even though she is a bit of a wimp...which is perfect because I'm sure that she 'grows' in charater during her journey through the book - yes?

There are a few sentences that I would change to keep the pace up..
"Allowing herself a swear word..." maybe you could put either a hyphen or a semi-colon to split the last part of the sentence from the rest?
Perhaps have a look at getting rid of any superfluous words as they slow down the text, i.e. "leaving off work...so far" - i don't think you need the "so far".
The sentence starting, "I think these things should be expected in childhood," is long with lots of commas...maybe you could split it up a bit?

I enjoyed it Jo and I intend to read on. I'll put you on my watch list. xx

Lexi's Place

RCG review

I've already read 15 chapters so, for the purposes of this review, I started at (Autho count) chapter sixteen.

1) Pitch: SP is catchy and leads to the core of the story. LP tells quite a bit about what will happen the main issues in the story but doesn't give it all away. The title and cover work well together. They say chick lit without resorting to the done-to-death pastel and fluffy, high heels and handbags image.

2) Plot: Has all the elements for romance- boy meets girl, girl has a difficult situation to overcome and now the question is will that drive them apart or bring them together so a good hook to keep the reader interested. There are also strong contemporary elements with the single parenthood, difficult in-laws, family relationships and a mum trying to be everything and everyone. I'm still wondering what Gloria is hiding.

3) Pacing: moves along well.

4) Spelling/Grammar: they are some minor issues but all easily sorted out with editing. Some examples I noted from the remaining chapters are: POV change, 'and Mac could sense the shift in her demeanour.'
Stood out a bit in the opening paragraphs, how often the word Lexi was repeated.
(Autho) Ch 18 - Mark is missing a capital M a couple of times.

5) Dialogue: it's something I've bee trying to sort out myself so I do tend to notice now when language comes across as written rather than spoken. I did notice some instances of you are type dialogue when you're would have felt more natural. Other than those minor instances that dialogue was natural and easy to follow.

6) Voice/Style: I'm with Lexi throughout this story. It has a contemporary, chick lit feel and the cafe setting seems very popular at the moment. You keep the reader with Lexi and caring about what happens to her and especially about her relationship with Frankie.

This is a really good summer read, it's smoothly written and the story is easy to follow, I also like you use of dialect! :-) Only read a few chapters but well done so far (highly rated) x

Jo, you have created a situation that many can relate to and a character in Lexi that women will be able to empathise with. Your styly flows well and you balance dialogue and narrative perfectly. I can see Lexi's Place on the top shelf in bookshops. Maria (Georgina's Family) :)

Hi Jo, Im only a couple of chapters in, but already the story is developing really nicely.

I wondered if Lexi was going to be a bit of a wimp from the start, particularly putting up with that swine of a husband, but since he's gone she seems to be toughening up a bit and the cafe idea is great. I think her drinking thing is good too -- I'm assuming this is something that might be set to become a bit of an issue later on? (That or maybe I'm not getting my parental alcohol units a week in and need to up my pace!)

With just a few glimpses and introductions the friends (and mother-in-law shaped enemies) are put across well, and I already feel I know them a bit. They were so right to celebrate Mark's departure...

The idea that M is off with his salary and all their best pans while L and Frankie struggle on also helped give a bit of depth, really underlining the seriousness of the situation Lexi is in. That thing with the duvets...Wanted to give her a hug, or at least buy her a slanket.

Anyway, I'm only a couple of chapters in but I'm enjoying it and will definitely keep reading. Feels like there could be a lot of drama and warm wit ahead!

Hi Jo, this is a good read, I'm 3 chapters in so far.

I liked your opening, with Lexi's plans for her evening contrasting with what she'd actually achieved! I also really enjoyed the reaction of her friends when Mark left her, although I don't think a woman with the chutzpah to open her own business would have let him walk out without any sort of explanation?

LEXI’S PLACE crit it forward
I read the first five chapters of this. And think it’s a clever idea for a story. I liked Lexi immediately; all of us know what it’s like to have a messy house, a child to pick up from preschool and no time to put dinner in the over. Mark’s attitude when he came home from work surprised me. Made me not feel bad when he left. Made me strongly agree with Lexi’s friends she was better off without him.
I like the way after Mark leaves that Lexi wants to begin her own business. It’s a spunky side to her she didn’t show in the first chapter. The arrangements for the grand opening were interesting. Mark’s return was a surprise. Guess he hopes to have his cake and eat it too.
Lexi’s opinions about her mother-in-law are precious. We all think those things but aren’t allowed to voice them as well as Lexi does. Overall, I liked this a lot. If I had a suggestion it would be to get to Lexi's Place opening a little quicker as that's where the heart of the story seems to really begin..I have to stop reading to clean up my house, pick up my preschooler from nursery school and put something in the oven for dinner but I’ll be back tomorrow to read more.

What a wonderful story. It is so well written and reads like a dream.
I am hoping that Lexi gets Frankie back.
Lexi is not a sappy character and she is so interesting. The way she handles her business is superb.
Thank you for writing this book

Love the new chapters Jo. Please let me know if you have any specific questions you'd like answered.

Marcie

Hi, there – this is your “Crit it Forward” review from AudreyB. I am often accompanied on my reviews by my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. If I say anything you don’t like, it was probably her idea.

I am operating way outside of my wheelhouse here, so I’ll limit my remarks to grammar and such. The Hag will be very happy.

Second para…after “hob off” you want a semi-colon.

“…far more comfortable than her heels she’d been wearing…” This may be a US/UK thing, but I think you want “the heels.”

Need a comma after all day (close the parenthetical phrase).

“In fact he had dropped a lot of hints, or were they digs?” I think this should be, “In fact, he had dropped a lot of hints. Or were they digs?”

Alright isn’t a word – use all right.

Doritos is a proper noun. Though not a proper meal (=:

I believe ‘stay at home mums’ should be hyphenated.

Between quickly and Becky you want a semi-colon.

Between at school and she barely you want a semi-colon.

You repeat ‘favourite soap’ two times in quick succession.

Between get in and we can’t you want a semi-colon. When each phrase could be a sentence on their own, they’re separated by a semi-colon. In this case, though, where you end with a question, you may be best putting a period and starting we can’t with a capital W.

“Oh Frankie, come here.” You’ve got an extra quotation mark at the front of this line.

The para beginning “The next two hours…” has issues. The third and final sentence needs to be split into shorter sentences.

You’ve got an instance of Mark without its capital.

I love Lexi’s friends. Their reaction to Mark’s leaving is hilarious.

“…moaning about him for a year now…” Put a period after now and start the question with a capital.

Need a comma between always and produced.

Period after forgotten; capital f in fire.

F-wits faults needs its possessive apostrophe.

Dang it. I looked through your comments and see KT was already here. I’m off to do my correct “Crit it Forward” crit!!

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

Very Briget Jones, perfect pace and great writing style for the genre. A really excellent mix of serious and humour. I'd read this in a bath with wine and chocolate in one sitting! No problem backing and highly rating this!

Good luck!
Laura
Beneath The Blossom Tree

Hi Jo,
Poor Lexi. I felt like joining the queue to give that Mark a good kicking (and I'm a man). You handled the situation very well, particularly the F***wit mother-in-law. One little feeling I had though: the reader immediately gets on Lexi's side, but the cafe idea comes so quickly on the heels of the break-up that it seems quite obvious from the outset that Lexi is going to succeed, that her battle is already won and it's only chapter two.
A great read and a fine character in Lexi (if I wasn't married I'd be trying to get hold of her phone number).
Best wishes,
Robert

Classic chick-lit.
The writing is smooth and reads as well as any of those published. From what I've seen of the story, it seems well rounded and I'm sure it has a satisfyingly happy ending (hurrah!).
I saw a double quotation marks "" somewhere in the first chapter, but other than that, I didn't spot any typos.

Well done - I'm sure this will do well.
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Here from the Crit It Forward thread!

This is definitely bang on for your genre, it's got all the right ingredients for chick lit: independent heroine finding her feet, romantic issues and confusion, supportive friends.... I can see this being the sort of book people take on holiday or curl up with to relax!

There were a couple of small things I noticed - when Marks' mother comes to pack up his stuff around the house, she addresses a comment that appears to be to Mark about the Waterford crystal, but then you say that Mark didn't turn up so she'd come alone.

The other thing was that I didn't really get a clear idea for why Mark left. First he's gone, and seeming very heartless about it, and then they're sleeping together and he's acting nostalgic. Lexi seems to move on from it pretty quickly, even though she doesn't seem to get any clear answers on why he's left?

Apart from those points, the story really carries you along and was a very enjoyable read :) it fits really well into the genre without being stale and cliche. Good luck with it :)

KT

This was great to read. Lexi is a brilliant m.c. In chapter 1 she is the poor downtrodden wife who has an obnoxious husband and the mother in law from hell. In chapter 2 there is hope on the horizon when Lexi spots the hairdressers premises. It made me want to punch my fist in the air and say 'go for it girl!' Well done. I have put Lexi's Place on my watchlist as I want to come back to it. Six well deserved stars.

Kim (Pain)

I just came across the book when the cover caught my attention. Very nice! I have just completed the 1st chapter and had a great time reading it. It is funny and relevant to everyone. You tell your story with ease and Lexi is endearing right from the start. I will continue onto the next chapter. Good Luck!

I will put this on my bookshelf for sure and read when possible!

Jamie
"Prisoner Within"

Just finished all the way to chapter 17 almost in one sitting. I want more!! Loved it. Well done and good luck with it. Jx

Hi Jo
I just wanted to say I love your book- it's well written with great characters. No critisisms- just great reading. I'm recommending it to a couple of other people too. Good luck with it. J

Really smooth writing, exactly the kind of thing that I would read lying on a sun lounger on holiday. I am really struggling to make any constructive criticisms - take that as a compliment!

Highly starred and deservedly backed - best of luck, Marns

I am brand new to the single mom club and this sure made me giggle. Your writing is highly engaging and fun, whilst addressing real life issues. Keep up the fantastic work, Jo! Backed, and I look forward to reading more. :)

Michelle
~ Willow Lake Manor ~

Hi Jo,

A RWCG critique:

I've read the prologue and all 17 chapters posted. Overall, I enjoyed the story. It had a fun, hopeful feel to it, even through the darkest of times.

In my opinion, what I've read so far is fairly close to perfect. Title, cover, and pitch are good. Plot is engaging and well-paced. Dialogue feels natural. Your writing style is clear, easy to read, and flows well throughout. Setting is interesting. Good balance of description, backstory is distributed effectively. Good balance of internal and external conflict.

I have very few suggestions for improvement:

Characters:
I'm accepting of the mystery of Mac's life because Lexi addresses it. However, Gloria's life is just as mysterious, she actively dodges questions, yet Lexi, and everyone else in the cast of characters just accepts that without question. If Gloria shouldn't be "raising red flags" in the reader's mind, then consider addressing this.

Prologue:
I'm not sure the prologue is needed. While I enjoyed the scene and the "F-wit" nickname that arose from it, I think the important points of the divorce, the nickname, and the strong circle of friendship could easily be slipped into chapter one instead.

Editing:
There are a few of instances of missed or incorrect words. For example, in chapter 17, when Lexi is out with Judy and they enter the spa, Lexi and Gloria are laughing rather than Lexi and Judy.

I'm enjoying the story so far and would love to read more.

Marcie

Updated: 29-Jan-2012
I've read the first 20 chapters. Will double back and read more when I get the chance.

Title/Cover/Pitch:
- no complaints here
- Title is clear, unique to the story, and it's fun tone matches that of the story
- Cover gives no hint that story is a romance but I think that's fine because, in every other way, it echos the story and sets the fun tone
- short pitch is excellent. It is clear this is a romance. Premise and story conflict is clearly identified
- long pitch is excellent - MC and love interest are identified; story is summarized well; conflicts are identified and explored a bit; ends with a hook

Really enjoyed this, Jo.

I laughed at her friends with the party popper & F-wit, it reminded of something that might happen to Bridget Jones.
You've really captured the friendship between the three women perfectly, it felt realistic and emotional - as did her relationship with Frankie. As a mum with young boys I could really relate.

(And my cupboard is never without Jammy Dodgers for just such occasions...)

'F-WIT' haha I just can't stop laughing. That's one of the best names in a book EVER. Jo, this is brilliant. You've nailed chick lit. The voice, the pace, the idea, it just couldn't have come together better. I'd love to read all of this. Definately one of my favouirtes on the site. Well done, my dear.

Hi Jo :-)
Oh shit! When she opened the door and you had ‘Bang!’ I actually jumped!!! I thought she’d been shot!!!
Ok, so I’ve caught my breath again (not good for my heart you know!) Fantastic opening chapter. This is wonderful chick-lit Jo, I’m adoring it so far!
‘She had bought him a old blue...’ – hmm, might just be me, but ‘an’ would sound better?
‘form a car boot sale’ – should be ‘from’
It made me sad that was scrimping and saving so much and worried that he would notice she hadn’t bought him heaps of prezzies 
‘I can use the equity form the...’ – should be from
Lexi started to feel a tinge of excitement – I can’t decide if this should be tinge or twinge?
Tore all the pictures of Aha and Wham! Out – you have a capital O
Chapter four – Lexi strided off – ‘Strode’
Little bastards. I knew they were going to do that!
This is easy to read and very entertaining Jo. I already adore Lexi, Nina and Becky. They have a wonderful friend relationship.
Six stars from me! :-)
Tammy Robinson

OK: Chapter Two:

"Pick Frankie up FROM nursery" at is used in conversation, but is not actually grammatically correct.

You have "too" twice in one sentence. Maybe swap one for "as well" so your read flows better.

"Suddenly a bit alone" reads awkwardly to me, I would lose the "a bit"

I'd put the text message in speech marks, I had to read it twice!

I would have "things she had not even thought of" rather than "things she had not thought of too" - think it reads better.

These are all just technical suggestions, still all good stuff and enjoying the read.

Nice prologue!
Lovely easy confident style with a great underlying wit.
Looking forward to reading more.
Penny

Hello! Sorry it took me so long. I've been stuck in formatting hell, but I'm here now, so Hurrah! I shall start at the beginning and work through. My comments tend to be a tad disjointed so I hope it makes sense.

Excellent so far. Very well edited. I think Pino Grigio should be capitalised as it is a proper noun... not 100% on that though.

Para 3 Chapter one, it should be "heating and electricity", electric is conversational.

Being picky now, but this is so well written I have to be or I'd have nothing to say! Would a shop window not say "To Let" rather than "To Lease"?

Really good. Touching too. You bring up real life issues without drumming them in. Very well done. That's just the prologue and the first chapter too! As Arnold would say, I'll be back!

Only had time to read the prologue but I loved it, especially how the firends came over in celebration mode instead of giving sympathy.

And the list is perfect.

This is going on my bookshelf and I will read more when I get the chance.

He’s left me!!!

OMG! This is sooo sad. Why would you do such a thing to your reader?!! But really this is good stuff. I like to be sad. lol.

The things you are good at: not saying too much, not describing too much (kind of the same thing), your dialogue, your characters seem real (hence the reason I was sad), making the reader feel like they are there. That list was just one thing that did that. Sometimes it doesn’t have to be dialogue or description. here, it’s a list. Great ending to the chapter. I can’t believe you have such a low ranking. this is good. 6 stars. we will have to find a way to get your book liked. I loved it. I don’t know what other people have been doing but the second I read the beginning I was hooked into your story and your characters. I hate romance so it just makes it that much better. I will continue with this.

I feel your pitch is good and perfect for chick lit. I can’t really find anything wrong with your prose grammatically or punctuation really and normally that type of stuff jumps out at me and I only noticed a couple of things. You write quite smoothly and have obviously taken a bit of time to polish this. Well done. You MC comes across as likeable, the pace is good, and a reader can’t help feel what she is going though. You have some brilliant scenes and there is certainly an under layer of humour, which works.

I loved your prologue…short and snappy. The way they all should be. I love to dislike that fellow…tell his mum first. Men are cows sometimes for sure. I loved the humour you brought into it, with her crying like, I gather is her son, Franky, and the jerk knocking his bag into the console as he rushed out. Great opening.

One thing I thought with the bit about her hair, normally if we stay in pov, she wouldn’t think of her hair as blond if that makes sense. Unless it is really important to tell us her hair colour, avoid it…it doesn’t add, or somehow show it another way….she picked up a fallen blond strand off the lounge, or something. – and then, maybe she could imagine that he had some blond chick or something, but no, its my hair.

With the ‘she glared at her visitors’ you need a full stop at the dialogue before it. She’s not glaring her words.

“friend’s heels probably need it this way “friends’ heels’ as you say ‘they’ in that sentence which implies more than one friend.

With ‘wall ahead’ I don’t think you need that ‘ahead’ cause we can picture a wall in front of her and it doesn’t even matter if it’s beside her. ;)

With your last line of the prologue you need ‘lie back’ not ‘lay back’

Chapter 2 – we jump a month.

With the opening paragraph – I think you need to mention the fellows name that left after the sentence about the cake tins which ends mentioning Franky. Eg. “Despite Mark moving back to his mother’s ect” – and that entire first paragraph made me wonder what on earth she saw in the husband in the first place…a only a jerk would do something such as that when the woman he is leaving is the mother of his child. Oh, thank God, I don’t have a mother-in-law like that, well not that I know of yet. LOL

You don’t need the comma between “expensive” and “along with heating ect”

After “Lexi glanced at her watch’ you need a full stop and then start the next sentence.

Hope something helps. Good luck with this.

My wife makes me read books - she said I need to read this so I don't end up a f-wit. :)

I love reading books that can make me laugh after just reading the first chapter and that's exactly what yours did. The part where Lexie's friends rename Mark as F-wit was hilarious
This is such a charming story and I love Lexie as a character, she's down but not out. Her struggles against her ex-husband, cow of a mother-in-law, setting up her own business and looking after her son are issues you dealt with successfully. It really stands out in your writing and makes the reader sympathise with the MC.
Women everywhere will love this kind of chick-lit (is that the right term?), it' the perfect kind of material to read on a lazy afternoon in - or three in my case!
I loved this book and I really wish you all the best with it. Who run the world...girls!

Yasmin
- Guileless

Jo

I spent a very happy weekend in the sun reading all 18 of the uploaded chapters of Lexi's Place and, although it’s clearly aimed at the female market, I really enjoyed it.

You have a warm writing style, which is a little like having a cosy chat with a good friend. Your characters are well described and I love the way her close friends rally round Lexi to help her recover from the breakup of her marriage and to achieve her dream. I loved their banter and the way they immediately renamed Lexi’s ex F wit. A very believable group of girls.

I think that your target market will love this book and I wish you the very best of luck.

Mark Shakespeare Fletcher
Charlie and the men in shoes

Jo, I've read 15 chapters now. This is a good story and I like the characters that you have drawn. I've just read Jenny Colgan's Cupcake Cafe so it was a little bit hard to avoid drawing comparisons; girl who fell for wrong man, relationship finishes, girl opens cafe and both deal with the difficulties of getting the new business off the ground. However, your characters and your story are different enough to set the two apart and that includes Frankie.

Mac is a likeable character but, as yet, we don't know a lot about him so he still has a bit of an air of mystery.

Lexie comes across as a strong character, coping with divorce, new business, single parenthood, but her feelings about Frankie, Liz and Mac give her a vulnerability that allow a reader to sympathise with her.

I did notice a few typos and there were a few instances of 'had had' that stood out.

There was a section in Chapter Four that I re-read to make sure I'd got it right. Where Lexi finishes a phone call with Becky and texts Mac. I think the reason I had to re-read is that the texts didn't always stand out as texts to me. Perhaps a different format would highlight them more but just my opinion and I'm no expert.

I've starred it highly and would read more.

So many people will be able to relate to Lexi, Jo which I think is they to good chick lit. Love that she's a mum and running a cafe and not a advertising executive or working in PR!

This is fun. I don't think I've read a book before where the MC set up a business. It's very unique and really easy to read. Lexi is so likable, I just want everything to work out well for her.

You are off to a great start. I made it through your first chapter and will watch list you so I can come back for more. My only comment is that I found it a little odd that there was a bolded line in the very beginning. I'm not an expert on writing mechanics, but just as a regular reader it seemed a little jarring. It didn't take away from your great story telling though. Thanks for putting a post about your book! I'm glad I came over to take a look!

Best,
Ashley
Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket

Just read the last few chapters - love it!

Hi Jo

Just completed the first three chapters. This is a fab book, just the kind of thing I love.

Chapter 1 - loved it loved it loved it - wouldnt change a single word.
chapter 2 - where lexi glances at her watch - my grammar is shocking, so ignore me if I am wrong, but I would probably change a to an and form to from where its says something like a old little blue games console that she bought form a car boot sale.
Chapter 3 - at the top it says chapter 2

They were the only things that I could find, and as I said, my grammar and spelling can be shocking so ignore them if I am wrong. But I really really enjoyed what I read and will try and come back and read some more later.

Jules x

Jo,
I commented on Lexi's Place once before, but I read on your profile that you wanted constructive criticism.
In the prologue:
"I'm sorry; I just can't do this anymore." (I'm sorry is a complete sentence and should end with a period.)
(Also, you should have double quotes after anymore.) anymore.' should read anymore."
"Where will you go-o-o-?" (go-o-o-?" would look better as go?")
"You told your Mum before you told me?!" (Would look better as "You told your Mum before you told me?")
Under He's left me!!!: (One exclamation point is enough.)
Becky hugged her, (This is a complete sentence and should end with a period.)
"Ah sweetie you've been moaning about him for a year now, isn't this for the best?" ( Everything before the comma is a statement and should end with a period.)
isn't this for the best?" (isn't should be Isn't because this part is a question and the first word of a new sentence should always be capitalized.)
Professonial editors can be nitpickers. I noticed several punctuation errors in the opening paragraphs which can easily be corrected to make the manuscript look more professional. I've been told I lavish too much praise in my comments. When I notice what appear to be errors in the opening paragraphs, I feel compelled to point them out to the author if that's something they seem to want.

Love Love Love the new cover for your book. A million times better! Good job.

its easy to read and i like the cool girls can do anything message that it sends out. Go you!
jen

A really enjoyable read. More please.
Bea

Great idea for a book Jo! I enjoyed chapter one and couldn't help laughing at the name F-wit (am I allowed to say that?
I really liked the idea of the' list'. I thought it made it better for the reader to relate to her character. It was a bit like 'Brigette Jones' with her diary.
I loved the way you brought in the other characters and the dialogue, you wrote it all so well.
And the ending - brilliant. It was a great turn-around and ended positive in order to begin the new chapter.
I have read only two chapters but I can see you have a great book here. I give it 6 points .This is a book I would buy. Youre backed!
Ruby Middleton
'Will Ryan'