Breath of Africa

I am gripped. This is a beautifully crafted book that tackles some complex issues incredibly sensitively. I love the dialogues between the different characters, the contrasts, and the way you don't gloss over the complexities of some of the issues. You bring Caroline's faith out in a helpful, non-dogmatic way.

Well, Jane, this is a very interesting novel. Unless I miss my guess you lived through the Mau Mau revolt and saw the changes from colonial rule to Kenyan independence, right? If not this is an extremely well-researched novel. I also find it interesting that a person who isn't a Black African would write this and do it with a high degree of compassion for what the native Kenyans went through but also a deep sense of the white farmers and the complex relationships they had with the tribal people.

I like this. Very different. Very Unusual.

There is something very poignant and sad about this tale of end of Empire in Kenya, so vividly recalled.

The life and energy of those two rebellious girls and their escape from the confines of boarding school life has echoes of my mother’s teenage years at boarding school in another outpost of Empire. All I knew about the Mau Mau uprising was that it was a bid for independence and that it took place at the same time as the Malayan Emergency, a conflict my family lived through.

I remember reading last year that the British government is now being called to account about its role in suppressing the rebellion, as victims seek redress through the British courts for compensation.

The ritual, where the calf was used in the ceremony was extremely sensitively and skilfully handled – sparse with the details but enough for us to work out what’s going on.

Charles, when you introduce him in Chapter 2, is a character on the cusp of a new life as he prepares to take his entrance exam for Oxbridge. That makes him an intriguing participant in this story. If he is accepted, that elite education will change him forever – unable to go back to being the person he was born yet perhaps not fully accepted in his new life either. For that reason alone this makes this book a compelling read.

In Chapter 3, we meet Mzee Ondiek, who speared the man stalking Teresa and then we find that there is a forbidden and thus far unrequited love element to this story too……….

I can see now why this book has such a loyal following and so many backers. Highly starred.
Lambert Nagle – Revolution Earth

All right, I haven't read it all, but I can see that your prose is flexible and flawless, your characters are alive with human feeling, and your abundant details of place, action, and culture ring true. The concluding glossary is useful. This deserves a place on the ED, sooner rather than later, and I'd certainly like to see it gathering more abundant support.

Bill

This is a beautifully crafted book with some very unique aspects that set it apart from any general novel. It deals with difficult themes like race relations in Africa at a time when British colonial aspirations were being shredded and a whole new dyanmic was emerging. It's an important time and one that colours the politics of today. Caroline, one of the main characters in the book represents a liberal idealist, one who has sympathy for the black Kenyans who are desperate to wrest their land back from the British but whose own tribal politics threaten to overwhelm that success. But can Caroline really understand and become part of the new Kenya? And what of the mixed race children? What is their future? These are questions many colonials faced at the time and it is an element that continues to run through Kenya and other African countries. These are questions that Jane explores so successfully in her novel. Kristin

The title seemed familiar, but I guess that is because I replaced ‘Breath’ with ‘Out’, still, it sounds like a classic.
This is a complex time period to cover and I can see the author has rich experience of the cultures clashing here. The conflict is built into the setting and this is to the books advantage. Good move to start with the action at night – an immediate hook. The writing is confident and flowing with a good balance of dialogue, description and action. Though the setting is specific, the issues and personal struggles are timeless.
I was taken back to the Kenya I visited as a youth, a nostalgia kick for me. You brought back the heat, the smells, the extremes.
Not sure who the target audience is, but the choice of main characters will pull in a y.a. group and the historical setting will appeal to an older generation – I hope it will not fall between two stalls, as it were.
A suggestion might be to get into heads a little more by opening up characters emotions to us in greater depth. You have a gift for economic description, don’t be afraid to use it.
Joe K.

Hi Jane, here ya go.

jim

Hang in there, Jane! I love seeing this book right up where it belongs! :)

~Faith

This is a great book, full of rich historical and cultural detail which adds to the experience and does not get in the way of an excellent plot. If I had space on my shelf I would back this - but I know it will get selected, regardless. The writing is near faultless, polished and engaging. The characters are convincing. I could imagine a powerful film script emerging from this work. Plenty of stars.

Nice! I'm from South Africa and always like to read insightful works about our continent...backed.

Easy to read and lots of dialogue. Very mature and skilled writing, I rarely read fiction, so I'm unqualified to offer an in-depth critique. It's on my watchlist and I hope a high star rating can give it a little nudge.

Adam De-Thurstman

A fiction very well written like a non-fiction. date and record entries.
Charrecters and good dialogues between the charrecters.
Places and events.
A Very Good Book.
Good luck

Jane went back to this and glad I did. It's no wonder it went up so fast. Again solid imagery and descriptions with compelling believable characters with Theresa and Caroline. The villains of course are devilishy good with a balance between dark and light.-- JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou"

Very nicely done! The characters are well developed and the story well told. You've managed to provide a history lesson and a good story simultaneously.
Best of luck with this!

Tod Schneider
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Hello Jane:

It is little wonder that this novel has captured the hearts of so many and has achieved such a high standing. It is masterfully written with wonderful descriptiveness, diction and flow, and one of the richest vocabularies that I have seen thus far. From page one, the narrative demands the attention of the reader and doesn't let go.

Blessings to you. Though it may be a moot point, being self-evident already, may you find amazing success in seeing this novel go to publication.

James

Jane,
I have to say that this is a rather impressive work. After reading the first three chapters I have come to really like the your style. You write in such a knowledgeable way that captures the reader's attention. I find myself thinking, wondering what is happening next. Just from the little bit I read I was able to see such complexities in the issues that are arise and though I really don't know much about Kenya I am now interested to learn more. Your work isn't only interesting it makes one think.
This is great
Dakota

Highly recommended, this book is well written, with historical facts and a deep understanding of human nature. hard to put down. I gave it top stars.
Christine C. May

This is a gripping story. It's rare to find a novel set in Africa! I've heard so much about Kenya; I'm South African but my grandparents lived in Kenya for a long time and my mom was born there. I'll be returning to read more as soon as I have time, and I'll definitely be backing it :)

Tayla
The Hunt for Taylor Mason

Breathe of Africa is getting the attention it deserve to push it ahead. This comment is just for that

I really loved this book. The setting is nicely detailed and the characters and their dangerous situation so clear to me that I really became immersed in the time and the place right away. More than that, this is impeccably written. The writing is polished, thoughtful, and clearly well thought out. Quite frankly, from what I've read so far, this is ready to go to print.

The really fascinating thing that Jane Bwye does here is to get us into the mindset of the youngest (I assume) Bond, Caroline. She is such a go-getter that I would have thought that it was she, not Teresa, who was oldest, but I love how her perspective makes the contrast between the innocence of childhood and the danger the girls are in so distinct. I like, too, how the suspense is built up throughout a scene that is otherwise pure, naughty childish joy. Sneaking out and riding horses is such a fun activity, but it is an activity that requires a man be killed. Wow. Just wow.

I wish I could stay and read on until the end, and very likely I will as soon as I can catch up on my other Authonomy readings, but for now, I'm giving this six stars and backing it. Very well done! I'll be back for more as soon as I can.

Daniel Rider
"Indian Summer"

I really love seeing your beautiful piece of literature on the desk, Jane!! I'm pulling for you! :)

~Faith

Jane,

A great friend of mine, Scott Toney, recently referred me to your book and I'm loving the read! I can't wait to see Breath of Africa make the desk... hopefully this month!!! :) Have a fantastic day! Backed until you get there!!!

Frog

Hi Jane your book is so beautifully written it was a joy to read, a total pleasure, I have highly stared you, and W/L to go on my bookshelf later (when i re shuffle) All the best to you and good luck with the ED desk I'm sure you will make it, Karen Faking it in France.x

Wow. This is an amazing piece of writing. Well crafted and dramatic. I am hooked to this story. No wonder you are in the top tier now. Best wishes. I hope we hear when this gets published as it is a book, I would definitely want to read.

Betty K "The Merchant's Dilemma"

Chapter one: :Loved the imagery..."watching Teresa's shadow mingle with ghostly gum trees"..."the wind shivered the wheatears in waves"...For some reason, the first couple of paragraphs seemed weaker than the rest of the chapter, although they did hold my interest. Towards the end of the chapter, I think a little more description of the girls studying the guard through the window might be beneficial, going into some more detail about how they are peering at him from a window. I loved the horse ride, but feel better wording might be used when Caroline is remembering her first victory - the term 'coped better' didn't seem a natural thought for a girl proud of her win:)
You are clearly a very talented writer and l look forward to reading more. I love the title, cover, and the mystery of this story. Best wishes, Ruby (Beyond the Honeysuckle Trail)

This is a very enjoyable book. Well done. Backed.

{Breath of Africa} – Jane Bwye
Chapter 3:
I loved the intensity of this short chapter, and the mystic quality that begins to develop to the story. I also like the suspense, and the danger intermingled with Charles’ attraction to Teresa and the ‘excuse to see her.’ Creates a perfect balance!

Chapter 4:
In the opening, I feel like I’m there, riding along with the girls. You paint a beautiful picture, and your writing is very realistic, giving us the sense you truly know what you’re talking about! I particularly liked the description of Domino, I love horses and you portray him so keenly.

Only suggestions:
Perhaps ‘But Caroline was angry’ → expand upon this emotion a little more? Describe her feeling of anger? Same with ‘There was uproar’ → describe the shouts, shaking fists, etc, to show the uproar more
Also perhaps a few more dialogue tags with the conversation between Caroline and Teresa so we get to know them more through the way they say things, but that’s just a personal preference!
Overall terrific, high stars, and congratulations :) I’ll be reading more when time permits!!
Cara

{Breath of Africa} – Jane Bwye
Chapter 2:
Again more beautiful imagery! ‘carpeted with creepers’.. I like the rich and exotic feel from the way you write.

Short, intense sentences at the beginning to create tension with the gunfire. Maybe just me but at times I felt the transitions were slightly jumpy (e.g. particularly how we go from the dog bounding, to Charles stirring). I know I’m guilty of short sentences like this!! It was just a slight feeling though… Actually I think I know why: I think it’s because there isn’t an obvious POV… so we’re not in Charles’ POV because he is in bed so he can’t have seen the dog’s ears cocking, and him bounding off – but then we transit to him, and then it is his perspective. So maybe just an added line or something to make the transition between the dog bounded and Charles stirred uneasily a little smoother. Or, could break it up visually on the page…

Excellent twist with the bamboo fire sounding like the gunshots!
You infuse background details well, keeping the focus on the action and the characters, but nevertheless informing us what is going on – e.g. with the Mau Mau terrorists

The dialogue in the section beginning ‘The farmers surveyed the damage..’ is crisp and fast-paced, engaging the reader. In the next section ‘When he had completed the milk records…’ I think I’d personally like a little more dialogue tags in order to build up the characters – how they react, etc etc. .. although that could just be me again because I’m a fan of more description!

Well done I love this overall -- am sending you an email too :)
Cara

{Breath of Africa} – Jane Bwye
Chapter 1:
A brilliant opening to grab the reader’s attention. Tension is created well, and I particularly like the short transitions to Ondiek. My heart raced with Caroline’s, particularly at the end.
I love some of your imagery; especially with the alliteration – ‘wind shivered the wheatears in waves across the field’… ‘ghostly gum trees’… ‘silvery swathes of grass’. Paints a beautiful picture for us.

A few nits:
1)I’d say ‘brushed’ the blind away, because to me ‘bent’ suggests more rigid… I suppose that depends on what kind of blind, actually!
2) I’d insert comma as follows ‘Ondiek paused, turned his back, and scrutinized…’
3) Sentence ‘She opened the stable door, taking a head collar off its hook and tying the loose end…’ for me the tense of the verbs ‘taking’ and ‘tying’ in the way they follow in this sentence suggests these actions are being done at the same time as the stable door is opened. I’d reword ‘She opened the stable door, before taking a head collar of its hook and tying the loose end…’ → insert ‘before’ so we have more of an action/event sequence
4) I’d insert comma and rearrange as follows; ‘A thunderous rush of air took her breath away, and whipped her hair over her face to stream behind.’

Hope these are helpful! I’m coming back for more, this is terrific! :)
Cara

Hi Jane
Breath of life has been recommended to me and so I have watchlisted it. I will be in touch as I have quite a bit to read at present.
Lionell1

Dear Jane, (Hist. Fiction Read)
I have read the first two chapters and really love it. I'll definitely plan to read more in the future, and I can see why this is so close to the Ed. desk. There are only a few things I noticed while reading, which I'm mentioning below. I love reading about a time period and location I know very little about--your descriptions make it vivid and easy to follow. Great Job!
Chapter 1:
“School dining room window”: might read better as “school’s”
“blond curls”: should be “blonde” for a girl.
Chapter 2:
“son of Ondiek” should be followed by comma
Charles: “God would help him get there” –but when he heard the gunshots, he prayed to the spirits to protect him. What sort of faith has “the spirits” and “God”?
“prowled among the bushes, which…” No comma.
~Hannah

I love your dialogues (they are so natural, yet tell the reader so much about the character) - they're a whole lot more fun to read than a bunch of fact-telling description. Your imagery is marverlous - wow, I could just see those rhinos spotted on that safari. Most of all, though, I swallowed in big gulps the history you revealed about the Mau Mau revolt and Kenya's independence from colonial rule. I knew so little about all of this before reading your lovely book. Caroline is a very real and delightful character and so is Charles...and the dilemma he faces. Oh my, this one surely will make the top 5! A bunch of stars for you and as soon as the books on my bookshelf have a week, Breath of Africa will be placed there with pride! Pat

A BHCG review. If I come across as overly harsh at any point, please blame my BPD-driven inner perfectionistic editor. She’s mean but she means well.

Pitches: I think you can tidy up your LP by removing some of the detail about who Teresa is (it’s not important who her father is in terms of pitch), and re-arranging the information about Mwangi so it reads a little more smoothly. You also have two sentences starting with “but” which is at least one too many for a pitch.

Opening: I really hate a scene being interrupted in order for the author to tell us what the MC’s hair colour/eye colour/height etc are. I’m in the middle of an action scene - two 14 year old friends sneaking out of a building, with a squeaking window, a tight frame to squeeze through and the chance of discovery at any second. Please don’t stop all of that to tell me her dark locks were stuck under the collar of her dressing gown…all that does is tell me it’s probably late at night. Have her locks get stuck in the window if you really must mention them at all; but please keep up the action and suspense because otherwise this is a great opening.

Characters/characterisation: I got a nice feel for Charles and his situation, but was still struggling to get a feel for Caroline. I thought I was starting to get her pegged by Chapter 6, but then Chapter 7 (where she becomes a prefect and has a religious conversion) was a whole pile of tell instead of show, which disappointed me. I’d have liked to have been inside Caroline’s thoughts more closely.

Pace: Goes along at a reasonable pace. Be careful not to try and condense large periods of time in large amounts of show (I think that’s what happened with Chapter 7). I think you can take your time to get into the important parts of characterisation more. But, on the whole, I don’t have anything to say.

Dialogue: I didn’t spot any obvious problems. I liked the way you had small phrases in dialect with the translation straight after - that was very effective. It helped keep the story in its setting but there weren’t too many dialect words to put your readers off.

Sentence structure/grammar etc: Beware of filter words. “The feel of Domino’s coat was warm against her bare thighs” - what’s wrong with simply saying “Domino’s coat was warm etc”? This was the only one I spotted, as I was drawn into the story after chapter 1. I can’t see glaring issues - the manuscript seems polished.

Originality/Publishability: This is always the bit where I struggle. I don’t normally read this kind of Literary Historical Fiction, so I don’t know how original it is, or how publishable. I’d say the writing is accomplished and, sitting at Number 6, HarperCollins will shortly be getting a look and will be able to answer that question far better than I!

Specific points: I wasn’t convinced by the escapade to the race track. Caroline thinks they’re being followed, then there are loud crashing noises and her friend takes to her heels….but only to the nearest hurdle where they stop for biscuits. I know Caroline is young and naïve, but I just didn’t buy it. Not when she turned into a complete adult (in terms of language and tone of voice) two years later.

On the whole, this is a decent book and I can see why it’s climbed so high up the chart. Best of luck.

There are two categories of authors on Authonomy, amateur and pro. You're the latter. Its time to get Breath of Africa in book shops

Hello! Returning the read/Historical Fiction review!

I think the first thing that strikes me about this is how clearly you paint the African setting. Every time you break off to tell us what the world is like, it is crystal clear and beautiful.

Chapter one has great pace, the two narratives driving it along and asking lots of quetions. What are the girls doing? Who is following them? Who is the man with the spear in his leg? Just the right balance of teenage girl hi-jinks and dark menace to keep it moving along.

Chapter two builds on the darker parts as the drama unflolds, however I felt that towards the end I was becoming a little confised as to what was going on. I think you could clarify some of the events - the animal bone, the 'screening', for the uninitiated reader.

3 was fab (although you re-introduce Charles by his parentege?), I only felt I wanted a bit more of a description of the surroundings.

I then liked the return to the two girls in 4 and 5, the set up of forbidden romance, the younger girl just starting to understand what her older friend is becoming. Mwangi is suitably menacing and Charles is is a great character to spend time with. You have a great economy of style which I think is necessary for soemthing as lush and epic as this - my only real crit at this stage is that sometimes you employ it a little too effectively. Your descriptions, when we get them, are lovely and this is probably one of the few books I've read on here that could stand to have some more in it! I'm highly starring and will be reading more - I notice your almost on the EDs desk. I'm rotating monthly but I'd love to lend it my support next time round to keep it there, as it looks like its a dead cert in the near future!

I love the atmosphere in this book, the setting is fascinating. The writing is terrific, so polished. I had to back it and give many stars.
Jo

Hello:
I've read to chapter 12 this evening. This eye-opening story caught my attention from the start. Well-crafted with a good story line, I plan to finish it tomorrow.

Kenya was a place on a map to me. But you've managed to make it a real in my mind. I enjoy your descriptive language/style (where I need the most work) and appreciated learning more about the Kenya people and their beliefes All the best with this story. I can't wait to read the editor's comments on this book. I think it will pass with flying colors. csp

I have read six chapters of this well-written and measured story. Personally, I find the restraint admirable and I like the exposure to a different world. The plot and action does not move quickly enough for me, however, and I find the boarding school life-style, even in exotic mau mau infested Kenya, unappealing. I am sure that this novel will have wide appeal but alas, it does not appeal to me.

You're not only good at critique but writing too.

You're leader in the capturing of beautiful scene and harsh ones too. Your book balanced the two

A sweeping tale, well put together against the backdrop of the difficult years of political transition in Kenya's history. This novel gives the feel of a first hand account. Question is have you lived in Kenya anytime Jane so as to provide such a vivid description and details of the landscape and the life of that country? Overall an interesting read.
Some suggestions - the story could have been more tautly woven. Some portions look superflous (my view) and do not have appear to have much impact or consequence on the story line. Also you tend to flit between 'scenes'. I would have prefered perhaps a fewer scenes with more fillings. Please these are my opinions and I have directed them to the style and not the substance of the book.

6 stars! The prose is beautiful, the text is flawless and the dialogues are very realistic. I found the first chapter very engrossing.
As I continued to read, I felt the detailing kind of takes your attention away now and then. However, this being literary fiction - I guess readers expect and appreciate this style.
Sorry I took so long to return the read - and thank you so much for your valuable comments on The Wise Man Says. I am working on eliminating the so called 'nits' - thanks for noticing and suggesting.
Best Wishes
Puja

I have starred this book really high. Excellent writing and an intriguing storyline. This will go very far Jane.
Wishing you all the best.

If Sydney Pollack ever wanted to do a sequel to 'Out of Africa' he should use this book as an inspiration.
What a beautifully well crafted piece of writing. With a such a vividly descriptive narrative you could almost feel you were there. And a great storyline to boot.
Well done writer for creating a portrayal of African life which until now this reader was relatively ignorant of.
Highest stars awarded. (tried to do 7 out 6 but it wouldn't let me)
David

Hey,
Ive just read some of your book, i liked it, its well written and i will be back later to read more.
EllenMichelle :)
'A Model's Summer'

I have been born and bred in South Africa from Italian/South African parents, a country that has gone through many changes over the last few decades. So, only someone who has lived through such changes or has done much research, can weave such a believable tale. I've given your story four stars so far. I've completed ch13. As for myself and family we are fortunate to live at present in a moderately calm piece of Africa where I have time to observe the pleasant happenings of both domestic and smaller wild animals. Most of the characters described in my book, (which is going to be a series of at least four books), are based on true-life events. My aim is to encourage children to observe, learn and respect the lives of lesser creatures, something which does not often happen here, but my opinion is that if we cannot teach young ones to love these small creatures, how will they behave towards fellow humans who are of a different race, language or social standing? So, well done for taking on this Kenyan story. I want to read more as soon as possible. Kind regards Maretha Botha/African Animal Adventures

If you can believe it, I have a Caroline and a Teresa in my manuscript, and my Caroline was named after my aunt who lived in Zimbabwe as a girl (but my ms is very different than yours otherwse). I'm really, really enjoying this and will definitely cone back for more. Watchlisted!

Jane,
I've only read the first couple chapters but I am already captivated by your story! You've done a really amazing job! You are on my book shelf with six stars and I look forward to reading more when I get the chance!
God Bless,
Jenn

Back to read on from 11. The descriptions of the animals on the safari are delightful, particularly the sound the Rhino make rubbing heads. All the scenes are very convincing, I can remember flying in a small plane like that in Zambia and yes brown paper bags did come into it. I'm glad that Charles got to Oxford. I find him the most attractive character and his family the most engaging. The discussions about independence are interesting and the book does have a feel of the period. Only one thing - Caroline should dump the horrible Brian, what is she thinking about? I didn't really enjoy their discussions but I think that's just me, because I took against him! Otherwise I found the writing very enjoyable. No critical comments to make.

I have really enjoyed the first three chapters, beautifully written and a well balanced view of the participants I think. I loved the horse race - that feeling of riding at a gallop is hard to describe but you made me feel I was doing it again. (Can't ride any more, bad back). Great description and atmosphere.
Staying on my watchlist. Are there any chapters you particularly want a crit. on.

Second chapter is also very very thrilling as it pulls and draws me in.
I really like how you make everything so upbeat that you can't help but be pulled in to the adventure.
Will be back for more later.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Hi Jane, I have started reading your book this morning, and can see already that it is worthy of the Ed desk. It is now on my shelf with six stars. Your writing is a work of art that deserves a place on the bookshelves of the world.

This is terrific stuff, Jane. I've had your book on my WL and meaning to get around to sampling it (I confess I've only read the first three chapters) and I have to say the wait has been well worth it. Highly starred and backed.

K J

Hi Jane
I've had this on my book shelf fro a while mainly because I find the flavour captivating - at first glance and now that I've delved more deeply into your prose, the plot, characters and tone do not disappoint.. I have read other novels about Kenya including those by the most well know Kenyan. You evoke the same sense of place. The pace of the book is fantastic before I knew if I had read about 6 chapters. It's a real page turner. I will certainly want to read more.
All the best
Bridget
The Road from Makhonjwa

This is well crafted and so evocative. I have not visited that part of Africa but it does remind me of the Low veld. I really like your style, it leads you gently yet firmly a long the path. I can hear the wood pigeons and smell the wood smoke in your words. One thing is self evident you can only write about Africa if you have lived there, and it is self evident in your writing that you understand that Continent intimately.
Well done

Cyrus

Hi Jane,
I have just cleared all my books from Authonomy and posted a new work, Hellion 2. There are issues within this work that I am most anxious to get right. Would you please take a look and let me know if there is anything that you feel might cause offence, regarding the holocaust.

many thanks

Cyrus