Book Jacket

 

rank 3954
word count 13098
date submitted 07.01.2011
date updated 16.11.2011
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Crime
classification: universal
incomplete

Thrill Writer's Remorse

Gideon McLane

Susan Greenhow, a writer of well researched thriller novels, has attracted the attention of the wrong kind of reader and it could cost her dearly.

 

In January 1990, members of the East German Ministry for State Security (Stasi) attempt to destroy or remove records that might incriminate them. At the urging of his Russian controller, one agent removes files about collaborative operations with the KGB. Two decades later, Susan Greenhow writes thriller novels for a living. She takes great pride in doing her own background research. Tactics in one of her books may be linked to a bomb attack in Turkey that kills two American tourists.

At a book signing, Greenhow meets Deva Demaris. Shortly afterward, someone tries to kidnap Greenhow. She is rescued by another thrill writer, Gregory Hanson. Greenhow likes both Demaris and Hanson, but neither Demaris nor Hanson trusts the other. Demaris says she is a New York based fashion consultant. Hanson’s book biography claims he founded and sold a computer software company. Who are they really? What connection, if any, does either one have to her attackers? Greenhow feels certain that it’s all linked. The challenge is to stay alive long enough to figure out how.

 
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tags

armenia, chechnya, france, international terrorism, international thriller, intrigue, italy, spys, turkey

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61 comments

 

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Wanttobeawriter wrote 27 days ago

THRILL WRITER’S REMORSE
This is a book with an intriguing plot. Made me woder from the start if the terrorists were getting their ideas from Susan’s books or she was getting her ideas from them. The beginning is dramatic: I knew the moment the vegetable sellers pulled away, a bomb was going to explode. Held my breath a little waiting for it to happen. Susan is a good character; she’s to be admired because she’s such a success as an author but also sympathetic because she’s alone with only her books for comfort. I liked both Pavkov and Ericson, too, because they’re willing to take a look at Michael’s theory. The real strength of this, tho, is your writing style. You know how to add enough detail a reader can readily follow what is happening, not so much you bog down your story. A small thing: I know little or nothing of Turkish history so when you say “the Kurdish problem” it threw me a little. Could you add half a sentence to explain what that means to readers like me who are Turkish history challenged? Either way, this is an interesting read. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Elizabeth.NYC wrote 69 days ago

I love the opening of Thrill Writer's Remorse. Your pitch had me intrigued, but I truly didn't expect this chapter to grab me so quickly. It feels almost like a news broadcast - fast, upfront, present - except we get to step inside for a moment and watch and listen to the people in each event. Great style. I was creeped out by Michael and this makes me want find out what happens to Susan. I may post another comment as I read on.
Bravo,
Lizzi
God of Wine

Stark Silvercoin wrote 284 days ago

Got to love a book with an author as the main character, a feisty one at that. Thrill Writer's Remorse reads like a spy novel, like something the main character might write.

Author Gideon McLane builds up the suspense nicely, dropping us into different points of view to advance the plot. This technique is used a lot in movies, but is difficult to get right in a novel. McLane does it flawlessly.

Pacing is perfect. The attempted kidnapping scene was wonderful. The dialog is spot on. Somehow, McLane makes this thriller a character-driven story, which is even more impressive. Normally in these action oriented tales, the characters become a bit wooden, but here they drive the story even as the action continues.

I’ve read all seven chapters posted here and know the bad guys are thinking about taking another run at main character Susan Greenhow. I’m anxious to see how things turn out. I believe that Thrill Writer's Remorse would be popular once published. I could easily see it getting made into a movie as well, or perhaps a TV series, but just as a book, it should do quite well.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

katjay wrote 309 days ago

Thrill Writer’s Remorse
Hi Gideon,
Wow, this is a fast-paced thriller with an intriguing premise and it keeps the reader on the edge of their seat. Very well written, natural and realistic dialogue, snappy, concise narrative and a feisty MC. I’ve got as far as Susan’s attempted abduction so will definitely be reading more as I’m well and truly hooked. ******
Kat x Hens from Hell

curiousturtle wrote 449 days ago

Gideon,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

The first thing that jumps here is the style. Is a moment by moment perception where every moment is a dangling act promising the next to have the same urgency....

..... and that you deliver.

The jewel of the narrative however is the ruthless efficiency with which you move the plot...

...there is nothing in excess here, every word seems calibrated for detonation, the way a surgeon calibrates the size of the wound he's about to open.

....the result is a narrative that flies through twists and turns like a Ferrari

.....were the dialogue is action oriented, further activating rather than delaying the plot

......and it is through the descriptions of events rather than psychologising......

...... that the psychological map of your central characters

.....begin to manifest itself....and that

......is how the writer shows his craft.

Some of my favorites:

"A crowd starts gathering...."
this entire paragraph is told in a chillingly journalistic style....
you could have stayed with the cold approach and describe more

"your justice sometimes seem to come from....."

"I will keep an eye peeled"

Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

I would have like a bit more of a sense of place
for ex when Ivan walks into the FSB office, can we get a description that would open a mind picture?
one/two lines would suffice

The same thing in ch 3 when Susan is signing books

"excellent seafood" "get irritated" "quickly grabbed"
I would also cut a bit on the modifiers
why?
because as Updike said: "the modern reader can fill in the blanks"

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful

david

Wanttobeawriter wrote 27 days ago

THRILL WRITER’S REMORSE
This is a book with an intriguing plot. Made me woder from the start if the terrorists were getting their ideas from Susan’s books or she was getting her ideas from them. The beginning is dramatic: I knew the moment the vegetable sellers pulled away, a bomb was going to explode. Held my breath a little waiting for it to happen. Susan is a good character; she’s to be admired because she’s such a success as an author but also sympathetic because she’s alone with only her books for comfort. I liked both Pavkov and Ericson, too, because they’re willing to take a look at Michael’s theory. The real strength of this, tho, is your writing style. You know how to add enough detail a reader can readily follow what is happening, not so much you bog down your story. A small thing: I know little or nothing of Turkish history so when you say “the Kurdish problem” it threw me a little. Could you add half a sentence to explain what that means to readers like me who are Turkish history challenged? Either way, this is an interesting read. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Nathan O'Hagan wrote 51 days ago

2 chapters read. Generally i can't stand books with writers as the MC, but i decided to let that go, as this is, rather than the navel gazing, indulgent affair i was expecting with a writer protagonist, a high octane, Tom Clancy type thriller.
In the first chapter, you hit the ground running with an explosion, and jumping between various times/locations. I felt there was a bit much of this, and that the plot strands you were clearly putting in place could potentially lost due to brevity, and the reader potentially being overwhelmed. Also, i think maybe you should have not introduced you MC until the next chapter. Over the two chapters i read, i found some of the dialogue a bit stilted and unrealistic, the exchange with the police officer in particular. I realise this genre doesn't necessarily require total authenticity in the smaller things, but it seems as though you have done a lot of research in other areas, and it would be a shame if these things detracted from that.
It's a big, ambitious story of big scope. It'll definately find an audience with mainstream thriller fans. High stars.

riantorr wrote 58 days ago

Extraordinary!

Regards,
Rian Torr
New London Masquerade

Cara Gold wrote 64 days ago

Dear Gideon,

Thank you for sharing this work! This is a real interesting story; fast-paced, gripping… can definitely imagine it as a movie! I like the setting you’ve established, and your writing is easy to read. It draws the reader along, fast paced and befitting the style of the genre. You build the tension well - especially in the second chapter with the return of the stranger. I’m really looking forward to reading the rest!

I’ve made a few detailed comments of the prologue and first chapter, let me know if you’d like me to make any more!
….

Prologue is excellent - it is short and gives good background, without the reading feeling overwhelmed and overburdened by information. Well done.

Chapter One:
You paint a lovely picture of the marketplace, with vivid descriptions, making the reader feel like they are right there. Your short sentences and listing conveys the mood well - of a bustling, busy place.

I wonder about condensing some of the descriptions - for me the paragraph ‘Vendor stalls…’ could potentially be cut without impacting on the story, and then you get into the action straight away. I have just been working on doing this - funny, the first chapter of my book also contains a market scene! I had SO many descriptions it wasn’t funny, and only recently have I started to let go and cut back, and I think (from feedback I’ve been getting), it seems to be flowing better for readers… So just a little suggestion from my experience, what do you think?

That being said, it is excellent the way the chapter begins in such an ‘ordinary’ type of setting, a typical market day…
It makes the terrorist attack all the more shocking. In honestly jolted me.

Your language is also fabulous - I like the style; from the paragraph ‘Bombings in Turkey…’ the tone becomes very ‘reporter-like’. It reminds me of Nobel Prize winning ‘The Lost Honour of Katharina Blum’ by Heinrich Boll in this part. Very effective! (If you haven’t read it, I’d recommend… set in West Germany during the Cold War)

Next we have the dialogue… in this part, I think I’d like to feel a bit more emotion… maybe go into the thoughts of the characters talking. If you manage to put a bit more feeling into this bit, you would really jolt the reader - especially because it would come as such a contrast to the ‘reporter-like, factual’ descriptions of before.

I like the section in Moscow; you use dialogue well to pick up the pace of the story. Your writing flows well and reading is effortless. Only suggestion would be to possibly trim some of the dialogue at the beginning.

Great transition over to the bookstore - it is something unexpected! It makes the reader wonder where this fits into it all…

Dialogue in the second line; I’d suggest - ‘ “I can’t believe how real you make your plots,” gushed the woman waiting for Susan to sign her book.’ What do you think about swapping word order for sentence flow?

You have a great, fast pace in this section, really enjoyable to read! I wonder if you’d consider interspersing some more of Greenhow’s thoughts into the dialogue, to really build up how she is feeling, but that’s only minor.

Second last paragraph; maybe eliminate ‘line’ in ‘I’ll help the next person…’ because she has just looked back to the line so we know what she is referring to, and it would eliminate any repetition.

Last paragraph - maybe ‘concentrated on signing more books + to distract herself from him’ ??

I hope these little comments are useful as you make edits :) All the best, this has a lot of potential I have my eye on it!

Cara
The Awakening: Dawn of Destruction.

Elizabeth.NYC wrote 69 days ago

I love the opening of Thrill Writer's Remorse. Your pitch had me intrigued, but I truly didn't expect this chapter to grab me so quickly. It feels almost like a news broadcast - fast, upfront, present - except we get to step inside for a moment and watch and listen to the people in each event. Great style. I was creeped out by Michael and this makes me want find out what happens to Susan. I may post another comment as I read on.
Bravo,
Lizzi
God of Wine

turnerpage wrote 70 days ago

I like the story within the story particularly as it concerns a fellow thriller writer with a zest for perhaps, too much research?

I can see the two contrasting styles here – personalising the horror to come with the innocent couple hoping to eat a tomato for lunch then written it like a news report with ’60 more people horrifically injured.’ The bomb attack though, to me is back story and the real story starts 10 Days after the KRB Bombing with the dialogue scene.

I like the psychology in this chapter where the contrast between the male pest at the first book signing and the seemingly innocent Deva at the other, allows Susan to drop her guard and to believe she’s confiding in a friend. Good strong end of chapter which hooks me on to the next.

Alison (Lambert Nagle)
Revolution Earth

Peggy Upton wrote 71 days ago

Chilling!

Adeel wrote 92 days ago

A very nice, suspense creating well crafted read. Now on my WL and book shelf with coveted 6 stars which it really deserves.

ClaireLyman wrote 94 days ago

I've got to say, you had me at your short pitch. I love books about writers and I also love books about the cold war/KGB/East Germany etc. I think there's a big market for this book!
I wonder if it's confusing to start with Turkey, which seemingly has no connection (particularly as it's some parargraphs before action really happens.). Or maybe it will keep us reading to see what the connection is. I like the personal touch adding Janelle and Robert. Could you describe them for us, make them even more real - Janelle pushed her glasses back up her nose and ruffled the child's blond hair, that's rubbish I know, but that kind of thing... I wonder if all the jumping from place to place might be a bit confusing (this is a criticism of my book too so maybe I'm particularly sensitive to it!) - the titles of the subsections are quite long...
I don't know if any of that is helpful - if not do ditch it, I'm just a fellow unpublished writer :)
Let me know if you get this published - I'd love to take it on holiday to read by a pool - right up my street!

Gideon McLane wrote 94 days ago

The "waitperson" is fact based - the restaurant is actually a mix of several different eateries in the CT area. Several call their personnel "waitperson" or "waitstaff."

"Updating each other...." Susan is still somewhat innocent at this time in the book. She doesn't know that both Deva and Greg have hidden agendas. She discovers that in a chapter not on Authonomy. Short version:

Deva noted. "Yes, I was given a copy of the report, but my superiors also discounted it. I decided to follow up with Susan to see if there was any connection between her and the terrorists. That's why I met you at your Rehoboth Beach book signing."

Susan glared at Greg. "Was that why you happened to be in the right time and right place to rescue me?"

"No, I was in town to check you out, but everything else was just coincidence. How was I to know that you'd check out my book signing and that Getty would try to kidnap you right in front of me?"

Somewhat mollified, Susan grumbled, "Okay, what happened next that neither one of you told me about?"


Dear Gideon, Excellent thriller, so far. I'll back the book and rate it with 5 stars, possibly 6 if it continues well. Quibbles: ch 3: no such word as "waitperson" -- this is dragging PC in by the heels, and irritating. Waiter, waitress, or if you insist, server. Same page: "as boring as...watching paint dry." -- Threadbare metaphor. "They started updated each other." Someone should note that Susan, Greg, and Deva are accidentally meeting each other to often in a huge metro area -- perhaps have Susan meditate on it alot, with theories. Should be Vive la dif... Can't say I like the title much, but it's probably too late to change it. I'd like crit comments on mine, if you have time.

Egon Richard Tausch
A Voice In Rama: A Novel of the Slaughter of the Innocents

Egon R. Tausch wrote 97 days ago

Dear Gideon, Excellent thriller, so far. I'll back the book and rate it with 5 stars, possibly 6 if it continues well. Quibbles: ch 3: no such word as "waitperson" -- this is dragging PC in by the heels, and irritating. Waiter, waitress, or if you insist, server. Same page: "as boring as...watching paint dry." -- Threadbare metaphor. "They started updated each other." Someone should note that Susan, Greg, and Deva are accidentally meeting each other to often in a huge metro area -- perhaps have Susan meditate on it alot, with theories. Should be Vive la dif... Can't say I like the title much, but it's probably too late to change it. I'd like crit comments on mine, if you have time.

Egon Richard Tausch
A Voice In Rama: A Novel of the Slaughter of the Innocents

Diwrite wrote 122 days ago

Pacy and slick, this reads like a solid thriller.

I haven't read as much as I'd like, but I hope I'll be able to come back when I have more time.

It's going straight on my shelf with plenty of stars.

Good luck!
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Lisa Lawton wrote 216 days ago

It's a great story, Gideon, and quite apt under the current middle east political turmoil.
The way you have crafted chapter one gets the reader right where the action is (I'm quite sure I could hear that explsion ... in fact, I think I ducked).
When all's said and done, Gideon, you know your craft and you know how to put that craft over to your readers.
Well done.
As soon as I have room, I'll stick this on my shelf.

Lisa. x

Pete A wrote 220 days ago

Thrill Writer's Remorse

Title: shouldn’t this be thriller rather than thrill?

Short pitch: It’s OK

Long pitch: This pitch is actually a prologue Since you have one of those already, and it covers much the same ground, I can’t see the point. I think you need to re-write this leaving out all these plot details and just present an extended tease to convince a reader to start reading. What you have is too long and complicated.

Main text: I started reading without note taking, as I usually do in order to get a flavour of the thing and of your style. I must say that you have a very easy-read style. The writing flows easily from section to section and once the reader gets caught up in the story the pace is sustained well.

I did, however, form the distinct impression that your writing follows the same pattern, i.e. once you got going, and into your voice, the writing is better. All that stuff about the Turkish market is a bit overwritten. For example, ‘cacophony of sound’; a cacophony IS a mix of sounds so the word ‘sound’ is redundant. Also the reader knows that a general street market sells lots of sorts of stuff.

You have chosen a sort of journalistic noir style for the opening and then transfer to a more conventional third person narrative once your MC gets going. This is fine but makes it plausible for you to simplify these first journalistic bits even more so that you get quickly to the meaty bit of the plot.

Tom Bye wrote 224 days ago

Hello Gideon,,
book -Thrill writer's remorse.

first read this morning. might i say that the cover drew me in, yes. a must read for authors.

Found the pitch both interesting and intriguing, took awhile to get my head around,
love endings that finish off with the- who's- what's, this is good, pulled me in.

after reading four chapters, found it to be a suspense style of writing. and really enjoyed to read as i moved through the pages. The people involved came so real and i got further into the story/
the rest of the book shows great promise.

tom bye
book-from hugs to kisses.
oblige and glance at mine-thanks

jlbwye wrote 229 days ago

The Thrill Writers Remorse.
At first I thought your cover depicted someone's bare skin, with stitches across it - but on closer examination I see it is a pen hovering over parchment! Your title rolls nicely across the tongue, and your pitches entice me on.
I take notes as I write, but dont pretend to be an expert.

Ch.1. This is rather an objective authorial start, but then I realise why. The appealing human touch of Janelle asking if she should get a tomato for lunch, is shattered by the deadly bomblast. But I would still like to see more of the pathos of the scene. Your bare statement that they were all killed outright and sixty other horrifically injured sounds so impersonal. If that's what you intended, you have succeeded!
Wouldnt it be simpler just to say the heating system was becoming 'temporarily inoperative' more frequently?
And you repeat frequently in the next sentence.
That is certainly an unusual idea for a plot!

Ch.2. An ordinary booksigning scene written with sensitive simplicity, and hiding something sinister. Well done indeed.

Ch.3. Instead of just being told about 'all the sounds and smells of the beach' I'd like to see a bit more description of Greenhow's surroundings.
You repeat the unnecessary word quickly.
And perhaps you dont need her to repeat the story of Getty's attentions to the policeman. The reader already knows that.
Another repeated word: decided.
So - she's getting wise to a plot.

Ch.4. I'm becoming used to the authorial bits in your chapters, but wonder what editors might think.
And do you really need those explanatory notes between places?
Editors, I think, would rather not see unnecessary words like immediately, quickly. You'll find the story flows better without them.
I love a good whodunnit, and your book promises to be one, with shades of le Carre. Well written, too.

Ch.5. You're not quite in Susan's VP: 'There was a puzzled look on her face.'
Wouldnt you have made it more readable and fast-moving if you'd recorded the dialogue between Susan and her publisher?
Something makes me suspect Deva ... and you've drifted into her VP.

Ch.6. You could effectively delete those words, still, also, continuously, just, again.
That's interesting, about the e-book cafe.
Again, you dont need to repeat the fact on the phone, that Jim was hit.

Ch.7. Isnt it Chechen province?
It seems almost too obvious - the cell phone and the ring - very James Bondish!
Another word to omit - actually.

I'm thoroughly enjoying the read. When are we going to get some more?
I've a good mind to w/list you for eventual backing... meanwhile, multi-stars.

Jane. (Breath of Africa)

AunaJune wrote 230 days ago

Interesting pitch, it is hard for me to tell whether or not I am about to be consumed into a book or just not sure what to expect. Nice prologue, it gives a tiny bit of background information that is always nice for readers. right off the bat I see you have a smooth writing voice. Your sentences run together great and you give enough detail. "Should I get a tomato for lunch?" I find that humorous and quite enjoyable to read because it is something I would say. Interesting concept you have going on here. I will say it isn't something I am particularly prone to reading, but it is enjoyable, but it does make it harder for giving you feedback. From what I can tell though your writing techniques are smooth and you add just the right amount of detail and keep the pace going. I wish you the best of luck on the road to getting published.

Auna June
Catalaysia: The Curse of Five

a.morrison712 wrote 234 days ago

I read over the first chapter in detail and then skimmed the second and third. I'll go back for a more detailed reading of those soon though. My first impression of the new edits are that they help the reading feel smoother. The reader has a tendency to want to finish the thought or line(or at least i do!) and now your writing flows even better than before. I was very happy to see that your descriptions of the Turkish market were as vibrant as ever. That's what I remembered loving about this piece. Feeling like I was actually there with your MC. Well done and I'm glad I had the chance to come back to this!

Best,

Ashley
"Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket"

stoatsnest wrote 245 days ago

This a good story. I think everything is spelt out out a bit too much, but I read all the chapters. A few spelling errors,I expect you'll find them. This is quite as good as the published thrillers I've read recently.

Nightdream wrote 246 days ago

Don’t think you need the ‘Forward’ note. Not on Authonomy at least. Start with the prologue.

I like how you explain BRIEFLY about the bombings in Turkey and terrorist attack reports. They said the mood and made me want to learn more and continue reading. (sometimes I stop mid-chapter). I definitely don’t want to here.

They way you ended it was simple but subtle. I liked it. Your writing really stands out among the books I have read today. (I’ve probably read about 10-15 first chaps). Oh, I don’t think I ever want to read again. :) Anyway this was very thought provoking and your writing has great potential. 6 stars. I can't back you but maybe in the future when I have given my recent books more than just a couple of days.

a.morrison712 wrote 254 days ago

Keep in mind that the following is over your first chapter. I will comment on specific chapters after that if you specifically request. I do not go over grammar, as this is not my strong suit. However, I will give you my first impression of your work: It was colorful. I could see this market with people milling about. Your MC are endearing and I enjoyed reading about them. You used dialogue in a natural way that flowed well and worked with, not against, your story. In general, well done. I enjoyed it and will be back for more. I am giving you high stars for the originality of the piece.

Best,

Ashley
'Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket'

Jesse Powell wrote 264 days ago

roader taxes? lol, darn you auto-correct! The first few chunks are what some call "blotter reports" and then you switch to third person with Leif and Pavkov. I don't think you need the disclaimer (forward) unless it is there for that little extra tension. On the prologue, would you consider a fake news article or news anchor story and blend it with POV of Janelle and Robert? That way their deaths are an intimate shock. Not, sure that would work either. It has been a long time since I have read Tom Clancy. I like what you've done here in playing up stereotypes because they meet audience expectations, then you fill them out with individual character, i.e. we aren't bogged down but can bring our own assumptions into the fold as dialogue advances the story.

Stark Silvercoin wrote 284 days ago

Got to love a book with an author as the main character, a feisty one at that. Thrill Writer's Remorse reads like a spy novel, like something the main character might write.

Author Gideon McLane builds up the suspense nicely, dropping us into different points of view to advance the plot. This technique is used a lot in movies, but is difficult to get right in a novel. McLane does it flawlessly.

Pacing is perfect. The attempted kidnapping scene was wonderful. The dialog is spot on. Somehow, McLane makes this thriller a character-driven story, which is even more impressive. Normally in these action oriented tales, the characters become a bit wooden, but here they drive the story even as the action continues.

I’ve read all seven chapters posted here and know the bad guys are thinking about taking another run at main character Susan Greenhow. I’m anxious to see how things turn out. I believe that Thrill Writer's Remorse would be popular once published. I could easily see it getting made into a movie as well, or perhaps a TV series, but just as a book, it should do quite well.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Concettah wrote 295 days ago

Hello Gideon, I'm on chapter three and still reading. I like the way you build suspense. Your hook is excellent.

Chapter one is almost a prologue though.
In Virginia it would help to know who is speaking.

IMHO:
Some of the (brackets) and "double quotes" are a little off putting while I'm reading. I was wondering if a dependent clause with commas would be better in most cases of the brackets. It feels like when an actor looks directly at the audience and speaks to the camera - a la 'Shirley Valentine'. And in terms of the double quotes, I believe they are reserved for dialog. You might want to consider single quotes or simple italics.

Other than that I'm on to chapter four and enjoying your story. :)
Connie
Moonstone Beach

Concettah wrote 295 days ago

Watch listed and starred. will read shortly :)
Connie

Jannypeacock wrote 300 days ago

I really like the fast pace here. I expect a book to grip me within the first paragraph and this certainly did. Crisp clean writing with some good suspense woven in cleverly.
Susan’s abduction is a great hook and this is the point where if I had more time, I kick back with this and let myself get completely engulfed in the good story.
One tiny nit-pick if I may, I wonder if the prologue could be worked in through the story. The pace of this read was my favourite thing and the prologue at the start was stifling and almost seemed like an afterthought. I’m sure others will disagree and at the end of the day it’s your book, stick with what works best for you.

Janny

RossClark1981 wrote 303 days ago

- Thrill Writer's Remorse -

(Based on the prologue and chapters 1-3)

I had best state up front that I’m not generally a reader of thrillers so I’m probably not a great barometer for this but I’ll give the impressions I had of the book as they came to me.

On the whole, I found the writing clean and crisp, a very readable prose. I liked the scope of the story too, sweeping as it does from East Germany to Turkey, to the US to Russia…. The pace is quick and the tension in there seems to be good. I did wonder about a few stylistic matters and plot elements and I’ll make mention of those chapter by chapter.

The prologue
-It’s an intriguing start but I can’t help but wonder why it isn’t woven into the narrative. Here it feels a little tacked on.

Chapter 1
-The beginning sets up a colourful scene but it reads a little like a travel guide, lots of passive verbs and telling rather than showing (I am aware this is a case of a novice writer, me, trotting out a tired ‘rule’ but I do think it fits in this case). I would have liked to see the scene through a character’s eyes, perhaps of the market traders or the Americans, to feel it more.

Chapter 2
-I liked the tension with Getty being a bit weird in trying to get his dinner date but I started wondering who he was with. Is he Homeland Security? If so, I would expect a more subtle and clever way of putting questions to the author, perhaps by posing as a journalist or something. The direct way of asking her out straight away seems a bit clumsy and not very agentish. If he’s not with the services though then this doesn’t matter.

Chapter 3
-I thought the line that begins ‘She wrote for her living’ fairly redundant as it should be pretty obvious, given that she’s an author.
-The last line has a typo, ‘that you think’ instead of ‘than’.

As I say, I’m not the target readership and a novice writer to boot so my nitpicks here can most likely be taken with a pinch of salt. I hope something in here was useful.

All the best with it,

Ross

katjay wrote 309 days ago

Thrill Writer’s Remorse
Hi Gideon,
Wow, this is a fast-paced thriller with an intriguing premise and it keeps the reader on the edge of their seat. Very well written, natural and realistic dialogue, snappy, concise narrative and a feisty MC. I’ve got as far as Susan’s attempted abduction so will definitely be reading more as I’m well and truly hooked. ******
Kat x Hens from Hell

Dr Ajay Kansal wrote 317 days ago

Your premise is interesting, characters well painted, flow is good.
Soon, this book must reach market.
With Best wishes
Ajay

Gideon McLane wrote 318 days ago

Gideon, I think that this is well done. The premise is excellent and the storyline moves along well, but(and you had to know one was coming),to me it all reads a little 'outliney' if that is a word. To me, at the end of chapter seven, everything is moving along just too fast and with 12,000 words posted you seem to be at a point in the story where I would expect to see more like 30,000 words. That may all be to do with the above tag that states 'incomplete' and if true, then you may take this with a grain of salt.

Nonetheless you need to make your characters evoke more of the perceived sinister maneuverings behind each of these scenes. The opportunity is there to color these characters and locations, maybe even to color some of them outside the lines.

As I said initially, your work here is good and the story, as I conclude from the short description, is original and vast. Both are recommendations and I will keep you on my WL pending additional postings. Best intentions and regards, RT



The roller coaster ride is just beginning. Alas, life goes downhill for Susan and the other protagonists. She's kidnapped in Nice, France in Chapter 8, interrogated, and threatened with torture. As the book progresses, the reader learns more about the antagonist and his helpers - all bad. Getty's real name is Grimikov - a fitting name. Susan learns there's more to Deva and Greg than meets the eye - some good some not so good. Nothing is straightforward - everyone has an angle.

Raymond Terry wrote 318 days ago

Gideon, I think that this is well done. The premise is excellent and the storyline moves along well, but(and you had to know one was coming),to me it all reads a little 'outliney' if that is a word. To me, at the end of chapter seven, everything is moving along just too fast and with 12,000 words posted you seem to be at a point in the story where I would expect to see more like 30,000 words. That may all be to do with the above tag that states 'incomplete' and if true, then you may take this with a grain of salt.

Nonetheless you need to make your characters evoke more of the perceived sinister maneuverings behind each of these scenes. The opportunity is there to color these characters and locations, maybe even to color some of them outside the lines.

As I said initially, your work here is good and the story, as I conclude from the short description, is original and vast. Both are recommendations and I will keep you on my WL pending additional postings. Best intentions and regards, RT

J.Kinkade wrote 338 days ago

What follows is my promised crit:

..."less public line..."--Haha. Someone is paranoid.

Pavkov just has drone envy.

The first chapter ends in a kind of ho hum way, but I think you can improve it by ending with the thriller writer correlation.

Chapter two

the ..prided herself...jazz--can you show us rather than tell us? Are her eyes bugged out? Is her library card filled up? (if they do that anymore, I don't know) .

The only problems I can see are that the dialogue is a bit unrealistic and stiff at times, and that you do a lot of telling, instead of showing. Watch the info dump too....dispersing it throughout the story will correct that.

Otherwise, a FANTASTIC read. Thanks for sharing it! Best of luck to you, JKinkade

CarolinaAl wrote 345 days ago

I read your first two Authonomy chapters five months ago. I read Authonomy three today.

General comments: An engaging chapter. A smart, fiesty main character. Good descriptions. Good tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the third Authonomy chapter:
1) 'Susan Greenhow had signed over 50 copies of her new book ... ' Spell out numbers 1-99. There is another instance where you should spell out the number.
2) In the conversation between Susan and James, as well as the conversation between Susan and Getty, Susan doesn't appear to have thoughts, and appears to have few emotional or physical reactions. As written, she comes across as cold to me.
3) Deva laughed, "Okay, it's a deal." Period after 'laughed.' You can't 'laugh' dialogue.
4) They died in a car crash shortly after I graduated from college ... " Put an opening quote mark in front of 'they.'
5) "It is lady." Comma after 'is.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma.
6) Excellent end of chapter hook. Who wouldn't turn the page after that line?

I hope this critique helps you polish this chapter. These are just my opinons. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take another look at "Savannah Fire" and keep it in mind when you next reshuffle your bookshelf?

Have a sensational day.

Al

markwoodburn wrote 351 days ago

Quite solid story line and plot but I had to laugh at James Mason!! Its up to you if you use these types of names but some might find them a distraction. Still, very competent and as someone has said Ludlum-like. Starred, regards, Mark

Gideon McLane wrote 352 days ago

Hi Gideon,

I've had the chance to read a few chapters. It reminds me of Robert Ludlum, which is high praise. You have a great plot and the story moves quickly. A few quibbles - I found some things that seemed contrived - the Getty name, James Mason - were you making a little joke giving characters famous names? I'll confess I found it distracting. The extremely intimate conversation between Deva and Susan when they first meet - I don't think most people jump right to family histories during a casual encounter. And yet, they call each other Ms. when they meet again. Are they about the same age? That didn't make sense to me.



Answering your questions: Getty is a cover name for a Russian character named Serge Grimikov - he choose the name after probably seeing the gas stations in New England - I may have a little fun with that later in the book. James Mason is a proper English name that predates the actor by several centuries - Buckhead can be VERY proper hence the choice. Later in the book (not posted here) we learn that Deva deliberately created the meeting - the familiarity was forced to give the reader a hint that Deva isn't what she seems and is taking advantage of Susan's relative innocence.

Thanks for your input,
Gideon

Andi Brown wrote 356 days ago

Hi Gideon,

I've had the chance to read a few chapters. It reminds me of Robert Ludlum, which is high praise. You have a great plot and the story moves quickly. A few quibbles - I found some things that seemed contrived - the Getty name, James Mason - were you making a little joke giving characters famous names? I'll confess I found it distracting. The extremely intimate conversation between Deva and Susan when they first meet - I don't think most people jump right to family histories during a casual encounter. And yet, they call each other Ms. when they meet again. Are they about the same age? That didn't make sense to me.

You are a great story -teller, and if you refine some of the wriitng, I think you'll do great. I'm giving you lots of stars.

Best,
Andi

Software wrote 371 days ago

Gideon,

I read 7 (bit short) and 8. Both progress the the kidnap theme. Good pace and a continuation of the craftsmanship started in earlier chapters.

Best regards,

Clive
The Sounds of Silence

Red2u wrote 377 days ago

Read the first two chapters and could not find a fault. The story flows well and the characters are very believable. Well done! I plan on returning for more as i love a good thriller and I'm sure this one is!
Red

Nigel Fields wrote 401 days ago

Really enjoyed chapter 5: Getting immersed into the Mystic, CT scene, the interactions between Gregory and Susan. And what a great way to end the chapter, nice hook. There's an 'r' missing in: "Did you(r) company have anythong to do with cyber warfare?" Good read here.
Best,
John B Campbell

briantodd wrote 404 days ago

'Thrill Writer's Remorse' rattles through a first chapter involving the collapse of East German communism, a Turkish Marketplace terrorist bomb and security serice personnel in Virginia and Moscow at which point the plot outlined in the pitch is given its kickstart. MC's Susan Greenhow, Deva Demaris and Gregory Hanson are all clearly introduced to the reader and the odd goings on surrounding Michael Getty and his botched attempt at kidnapping Susan are a great hook to this mystery thriller. Lots of intriguing threads are unravelling and a tale that could be a real page turner has begun.

My suggestions/ideas for the first three chapters are firstly that I think you give away too much of the early plot in the pitch. It is only really now that I have read to the end of ch3 that I will be dipping into the unknown tale ahead. The plot so far was summarised in the pitch and so in particular there was little tension in Susan's encounters with Getty.

Secondly, there is some jarring repetition. The word 'vegetables' occurs 8 times or so in that marketplace.
What does FSB stand for?


I also wondered about that unnamed relatives conversation with Virginian security personnel. It seemed odd not to name him but I did note that until we reach Ivan Pavkov the only three 'named' characters in the tale are all dead - Dietrich and the Ellis couple so perhaps this is a choice you have specifically made. However as you dont specify what his 'illogical theory' is at this point and we only hear of the connection with Susan Greenhows plots from Leif later do we actually need to hear the relative speak in the first place?

For the most part the thriller plotline is convincing and doesn't stretch my credulity which is vital in this genre. Ivan shooting his boss dead in Norway because he was involved in a conspiracy to control the worlds oil markets is easy to write but does sound a bit far fetched. Why Norway? How can oil markets be controlled anyway?

I also felt we should have been given more physical description of Getty and some further insight into his body language and behaviour. Susan instinctively rejects him but is happy to go for a drink with Deva and then share some very personal information with this 'stranger' .This seemed to suggest some inconsistency in Susan's character but further insight into Getty's behaviour might be useful.

No need to write 'Getty, the man who had been stalking her...' We know who he is by this point.
However the only reason I ever make detailed notes is because I enjoy a story. I will be reading on.***** for now.

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 406 days ago

Gideon,
"Thrill Writer's Remorse" proceeds wirthn the sheer aplomb of a W.E.B. Griffin book. You create a scene, support it with pertinent information and fit in the characters. Everything's calibrated right and you work at your denoument with technical precision. Thank you for this gripping piece of work. I anticipate more of the same in the next little while.

Kenneth Edweard Lim
The North Korean

PCreturned wrote 413 days ago

Hi, I finally managed to get time to look at your book. Sorry it took a few days. :(

I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track. Please don't be offended by any suggestions. After all, they will just be my thoughts. You can always ignore me if you think I'm wrong or stupid. ;)

(Sorry in advance for any typos, but my keyboard’s a bit knackered:()

Chapter 1: The 1st few paragraps paint a pefect picture of everyday life in any small town on the med. Plenty of local colour and flavour. Then we get a hint the 2 men with a van aren't what they appeared to be. hmmm... something's going on here.

1 tiny nitpick here. I'd be wary of using forms of started/began as actions generally just happen. I think eg "...start pushing the cart..." should just be "... push the cart..."

1 more little nitpick in the same area. Starting a sentence with a gerund implies the following actions occur at the same time. eg "parking their cart in their stall, the men set up their cash box..." implies all this happens at once. In this sort of case, I'd suggest something like "The men parked their cart in their stall, and then..."

Reading on... Wow dramatic scene. I didn't expect the explosion. I thought the suspicious men were just spying/following somebody. And a new terrorist oganisation nobody's heard of. Scary stuff.

Tense dialogue in Virginia. I can really feel the man's anger.

1 small suggestion, though. I'd try to loosen off some of the dialogue. eg "you have no proof of your somewhat outlandish and frankly illogical theory" sounds a bit stiff and formal. I'd just suggest something like "Look, we all know your theory, but where's the proof?" I think this would sound more like real speech.

Reading on... Moscow. I like the short scenes and quick cutting between them. It makes for a fast read, and gives your book a feel that's almost cinematic.

I like the dialogue between Pavkov and Ericson. The 2 are obviously old acquaintances. Their interaction's full of friendly rivalry. I think, though, the dialogue would read even better if you didn't describe it so much. eg in ""Pavkov," he answered briskly." we know the answer's brisk as he only says 1 word and answers immediately. As such, I don't think you need the adverb. I think "said" would work fine. In fact, I think describing dialogue is rarely needed at all. Your dialogue's good and sharp. Let it shine on its own merits. :)

Reading on... Interesting idea, that the attacks seem to be based on fiction. It blurs the line between what's real and what isn't.

Chapter 2: Hmmm and now we meet an author. I wonder, is this the person whose work is a basis for the attacks?

1 small suggestion. I think, if possible, your writing would be even more vivid if you could find ways to show more and tell less. eg "Susan Greenhow smiled at the next woman in line, inviting her to approach..." is you telling the reader a fact. It's a bit like lecturing. If you wrote something like "... smiled at the next woman in line and beckoned to her..." you're showing the actual action. The reader can then infer the meaning, and will hopefully become more involved in the story. I think it's a risk to spoonfeed a reader too much. It risks boring them. I think it's better to show the reader as much as possible through actions and dialogue, and then let the reader draw their own conclusions.

Reading on... An author's nightmare. The gushing fan ;). i like the dialogue between them. It feels real.

1 tiny suggestion on dialogue, though. I think it's always best to lead off with dialogue where possible, instead of burying it lower in paragraphs. It reads faster and easier that way.

Reading on. Hmmm who's the creepy guy? Is he just a stalker type? Or is he to do with secret service? I want to read on and find out. ;)

Chapter 3: Lucky cow. Her book's selling like hot cakes. I've suddenly gone off this character :(. Then she meets the same creepy guy. This is either obsessive stalking, or he really does need to talk to her about something important. Either way, it's ominous...

I've 1 tiny suggestion about thoughts. I think thoughts are generally better written as unobtrusively as possible, unless you want to offset them for a particular reason.

eg in the bit with Deva, you write " "nothing like a satisfied customer for repeat business," she thought..." I think writing thoughts in this way sticks out a bit and can be visually distracting. If, instead, you wrote something like "...Greenhow smiled as she rejoined Deva. Nothing like a satisfied customer for repeat business..." we'd still know these are her thoughts, but we'd get them in a more direct fashion and the reader would effectively be sharing her thoughts.

Reading on... bittersweet little interaction between the 2 women.They have a moment of shared understanding. and then ... uh oh ... the creepy guy's back. and this time he's not just talking. It looks like he tries to kidnap her. But a stranger rescues her at last minute. Phew. Ironic she got rescued by another writer.

Hmm interesting chapter end. Her next book's got another plot in that coould be used by terrorists, it seems. So it looks like this was why the creepy man was after her. Was he a terrorist or some sort of secret service? Either way, it looks like she's in trouble...

OK I just looked back at what I wrote and I realised I've gone on for far too long. I'll stop the in depth commenting now as I don't want to annoy you. :)

I enjoyed your sory. I think the core idea of a writer's work being copied by terrorist's is a clever one. And your story has great pace that never lets up. Each chapter ends on a hook that pulls the reader into the next. I can easily see your audience wanting to read on and on and on far too late into the night. ;)

I've rated this v highly, and hope you manage to find a publisher/agent for it soon. :)

Best of luck,

Pete

Kim D wrote 420 days ago

Gideon,
As promised. I like the concept of your story (I'm so glad i'm not writing a thriller!!) It's fast paced and has great characters and realistic dialogue. In terms of improving your manuscript, I do think the characters could do with being grounded a little more in their setting when they speak and i'd like to see a few more non-verbal responses.
But a job well done.
Kim
St Viper's School for Super Villains

Nigel Fields wrote 423 days ago

Gideon,
I read 7-9 today. Loved the naturalness of the conversation in 7; the jumpiness came across well. And the big scene in 8, also convincing. I hope you upload more soon. Nice job. Already have six stars your way.
Cheers!
John B Campbell

Sylvia wrote 425 days ago

Brilliant plot as outlined by the pitch, Gideon, and once it gets going, in Chapter 2 onwards, it lives up to the promise. First chapters are the bane of every writer, so I'll message you with some suggestions. This is a fast paced story, easy to read and with a riveting premise that you handle well.

A couple of general points:

I find that referring to the MC, particularly when it's a she, by her last name, distances the reader from her, making it feel more like a news report than a novel. Standardise the name each character is called in the narration, and also by each other as this seems to vary. Also, limit how often they refer to each other by name in dialogue.

At times, the pace is perhaps too fast, and a bit more time could be spent on giving a little more description in with the dialogue.

Backed and given a clutch of stars.

Medium_Al wrote 427 days ago

Gideon, I like this. The pace is fast and the story is intriguing. It hooks you early and makes you want to keep on reading. I think your style needs a little work. At times I felt it read more "screenplay" like - if that makes sense, particularily in the first Chapter when you were describing the terrorist incident. But I do like the vibe here as well as the concept and am giving it a high rating. Nice stuff. Just give it a little polish.

EMDelaney wrote 436 days ago

THRILL WRITERS REMORSE

First of all, I really like the premise by which the plot is based. Writers make interesting characters in books I think.

The story sets up well. Rather simply actually, which can be good, based on subject matter. I get a feel for Susan quickly. Dialogue does a good job for me, despite some of the comments below. I do agree with David (Curious Turtle) that you can allow the reader's imagination to fill in the blanks a lot more than we want to sometimes. I think this is where some of us (I certainly do) tend to "overwrite". One has to be careful there. A reader won;t be as judgemental, but it must get through the powers that be before the reader gets to it. Craftiness of being thrifty with the dialogue is the key.

That said, again I repeat, I liked most / all of your set=up dialogue. The story gets right to going and setting up the plot quite well. I was curious when I saw the way you set your scenes why you don't off-set your locations / times more. Shouldn;t there be a colon or semi at the end of these? I really do not know as I am a novice. If no punctuation comes at the end of them, shouldn't you bold the words?

You might want to do "punctuation patrol" a bit closer. I'm only going to do a couple of examples. I'm sure others have used Ch1 for examples, I'll use CH2 for that reason:

Sir there are others in line........ (a comma should come after Sir)

Two sentences later. No period after Mason asked(.)

The table in front of her was piled high with her new book. (You left off (s) to show more than one)

Ok, enough of that. We all have them. Just wanted to point out what i would consider a good many in a short amount of text. Editing will fix all of that.

In CH2, I also wanted to mention that it seemed a bit more than strange to me that a man would show up in two different towns to ask Susan out to dinner. I would think it a bit more bizarre than to simply decide to "be on the look-out" for more appearences by this creepy character. Just saying. In addition, the book signing locations seem to be a long ways away from each other. It would seem that more attention to detail them closer and cover more locations in an area would be prudent. This would thereby allow a bit more influence by the "villian" in your earlier plot. Just my observation.

Why would Susan tell a complete stranger where her rental car was parked? (That is the instant thought that came to mind when I read that)

In the attempted kidnapping scene: I didn;t find enough emphasis in the dialogue personally. No studdering, no exclamation points....nothing to signify action. All words were spoken wholely, no gasping for breath, etc,... Just didn't seem well-described to me.

At the beginning of CH4. You may want to read this line again.
"You may want to get check out a white minivan with Maryland plates - ..................

Later in the chapter (and in several other examples):
Most American's don't.........
(You are showing possession by using apostraphe here like this. It isn;t required. Just Americans.

I usually do not concentrate so heavily on punctuation as with this but as I read I noticed so many examples. Editing will clean it up yes, but, you need to have your manuscript such that there are not so many that it distracts from the story. I have to tell you that it did for me. Be advised....this is a GOOD story! Great plot. Needs some finelining, it is ropugh around the edges per se but it is a great premise / concept.

I think the balance could be tipped a bit more to dialogue as well. Narrative suffers when it is incumbant on the black space to establish story line. Let your characters tell more. Such as you do in CH5 with dialogue between Hanson and Howe. Great stuff. Flows strong. No need to depend on narrative to describe anything. This is great!

So often times, we tend to get in a hurry. I know I do. I read somewhere where Violet Wells (PONTE SANTA TRINITA), was talking about her methods of proof reading. She records herself and listens to it. You might, if you haven't before, want to check out her book. Brilliant use of dialogue with a perfect balance of narrative. She even shifts past / present in alternating chapters (a risky practice) and does it superbly. I learned a lot from reading Violet's book and I would think it would serve everyine who comes here who is not a pro to read her work. Margaret Anthony is another expert user of dialogue. David Ogilvie Grant another.

One more example of structure. In CH8, you start off by slipping to past tense when you could be "describing" instead of "described" per se. Let me explain. Here is the example:

(1st paragraph)
In the first sentence...."quietly" is an unnecessary adverb. If they are sitting together, the reader can assume their conversation isn't being shouted so long as there is is no description of something that would require it. Secondly, They "compared" schedules. "Could read:
Comparing schedules, they were pleased to find...........etc,... (shows present tense description of even an event that has "happened" in the past) One of the things that challenges us all I assure you. Some of your writing needs work in this area.

Let me repeat.....you have a good story! A very good story in fact. Good imagination, good characters and engaging at times to the point that some of the things I mentioned don't come into play at all. Needs work. Not "back to the drawing board" work, but, polishing work. That's all. I have found that the more I read, the more I "get it". LOL. I'm a novice myself. No insult intended. I learn everyday here. It is what I use this experience for and I don't get cheated.

My very best to you. This is going to be a good one.

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 439 days ago

Skaterwriter,
I've got the clever book "The Cheech Room" by Liz Hoban lined up for a slot on my shelf and would like to thank you for the recommendation. I would appreciate your commentas on my work-in-progress.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Don't Play With Fire wrote 440 days ago

Hi Gideon-

I'm here to make good on our swap agreement - thanks again for approaching me to swap! I like the premise behind this thriller - it is definitely something I would pick up to read for enjoyment.

I didn't find a whole lot to nit... The first thing that stuck out to me, though, was the "setting" lines you have starting each section. They are all in the same font as the rest of the text, which doesn't make them stand out. You may have your hands tied with the formatting on the site, but if nothing else, I would recommend italicizing the intro lines to each section to make it stand out. Food for thought, anyway. Okay, on to the rest of my edits...

Chapter One
Section 2, Paragraph 2 - last line, I would move the first commas to after "outlandish" and "frankly" to read: "You have no proof of your somewhat outlandish, and frankly illogical, theory." (I think it flows better that way - but it's your call.)
P7 - period after "office" (instead of the comma, as the quote is a separate sentence altogether)
Sec3, P3 - I don't think you need the comma after the end parenthesis, taking it out doesn't change the flow, and it cleans up the line which already has a lot of punctuation.

Chapter Two
P1 - second line seems really long and inundated with punctuation. I might suggest sectioning into two sentences - period after Terrorist, with the second reading: "This was the latest in her series..." (Totally a style thing, but I think it cleans up this long line.)

Chapter Three
Sec1, P2 - I don't think you need the quotes, as she's thinking to herself. The commas should be sufficient
P17 - period needed after "asked"
Sec2, P1 - last line - again, I don't think you need the quotes, as Susan's not saying this out loud. (same thing for P11)
P15 - I don't believe you need a capital on "Angel" - especially since you've got a lower on "deity"
P16 - beginning quote needed before "Where"
P25 - the line "My rental car is parked on Christian Street." - Why did she say this? At this point I already suspect Deva is part of the Getty plot, so she needed to know this... But this line seemed a little forced into the conversation. (I would never specifically offer exactly what street my rental car was parked on in casual chatter. It just seems out of place.)
P38 - question mark needed after "here"
P41 - period needed after "bookstore" as the next sentence (in quotes) is a stand alone sentence.
P61 - need an apostrophe in "books" (book's) as it is the possessive form, not plural

That's all I found - you really do have this pretty polished - great job! Good luck with this. I very much enjoyed what I read, and wish you the best of luck here!

Kim
P10 - end quote needed after "deal"

Phyllis Burton wrote 442 days ago

Hello Gideon, As promised I have read about two thirds of your updated chapters. I really like this: I like the urgency in your writing style and the end of each chapter is a cliff-hanger which draws the reader on. I would really like to know what happens next... I am giving this a six-star rating and will find room on my shelf asap.
I wish you good luck with this, it deserves it.
I hope you enjoy either of my two stories.
Best wishes

Phyllis
PAPER DREAMS & A PASSING STROM

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