Hellbound

Hi Sasha....sorry, you have waited for a hellish time for me to return the read (sorry - and sorry for the awful pun too). ;)
Well, as you can imagine, I like the subject matter.... I'm not really doing crit per se, as I always seem to fall flat on my nose when I do but a few things niggled, so I'll mention them - see what you think though - it's your book and I'm no editor.
Helen appears on the grass out of nowhere - wouldn't she be more surprised? Shocked? She seems remarkably sanguine about it all....
You do what I do - mention people's names maybe more than you need to - try reading it out loud - you'll notice. I have to keep culling.
'He had barely got into the kiss' - awwww, come ON!! Show us! And what's her oath? I'd kinda like to know how she swears...
Porcelain mebbe, rather than plain old china?
Wayhay, her saucy lover turns into a dragon! That would hve been a shock and a half!
And, hmm, she's married? Did we know that before? I whizzed back but couldn't see any mention so maybe you need to flag that up earlier.
Yay, Cicero - master of the page-long sentence!
SO much to enjoy here....huge fun. jxx

Nice book name......mine is the same!! Best of luck with it. Tim H

I enjoyed reading your first chapter. The dialogue was effective in drawing me in, but I found the narrative a bit laborious. You may want to break it up a bit, especially the first two paragraphs. Some general editing comments follow. 'He got to his feet. The ground . . . his feet was . . .' is redundant and a little awkward. Maybe replace the latter with simply 'him.' Also, the description of the ceiling uses 'depicted' in the same manner. All in all, a cut above the norm. I will add you to my watchlist and look forward to reading a bit more.
Please check out Age of Resurgence and let me know what you think. Ryan Holmes.

Dear Sasha, I love the intrigue of Satan seeking revenge on God & mankind with the unwilling aid his human bride who falls under his power & has his son who will be the catalyst of war against Heaven & Earth, as your pitch portrays. :) "I've been dying to meet you" was great in chapter 1 of Lucius Tomlin who took on a dashing man's form to meet Helen & I was amazed at his thoughts & attitudes of not helping her up, but of course, he is Satan :) - & he beguiled her. :) "No man has ever gone to this much trouble for me," was good & I thought of my 6 abusive marriages which was like wonderfuldreams before the wedding bells, then they turned into beasts/selfish, so I could really feel Helen's entranced feelings. :) Unbelievable when she saw Satan as the dragon & he said, "We are in Hell." "They newly dead" was something else, too, in chapter 3 & I'm glad I won't be there. :) Where Helen is to read "The Gospel of Lucifer" to see why Satan does things, was a nice ending of chapter 4. :) I have read, commented on, & will back your book when space opens on my bookshelf. :) I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs/testimony book, in return? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. every ******-ing moves our books up authonomy's lists, as does backing-more-than-24-hours & the longer on our bookshelves, the more they move up :)
None of the comment is copy/pasted & is written arduously my best from my heart, as I'm sure your book is, too. :)

:) I will comment on your book as soon as I have read it - read & commented on 1 hour later :)