Sound Bites: A Rock and Roll Love Story

Yay! YAAAY!
Just read the whole thing, loved it. Especially as I've got a bit of an obsession with Jeff Buckley myself. Really really enjoyed it!

Okay, I had to leave another comment after finishing this. I picked it up at chapter 7 after dinner and couldn't put it down until the end. I loved your story. But I'm a sucker for a good romance, and this was really good. I do have a few suggestions, and please keep in mind that they are only my opinions, and I'm no expert.

One thing I would have liked to see was some steaminess in this. It's your novel and you know what's best for it--and you could have been going for light and clean romance, which is fine--but I thought I'd throw this out there in case you had considered adding some love scenes. The story stands well on its own without them, but personally, I think a little more detail, especially in that Manhattan hotel room when they finally admitted how they felt, would up the suspense and chemistry a little. The only part of the story that lagged at all for me was the chapters between them getting together and when it all went downhill (with the exes showing up). Every other part of this book kept me on the edge of my seat.

Another thing I noticed was toward the end, with the timeline. It was a bit confusing, trying to figure out how many weeks had gone by, how far along she was, etc...at one point, when she thought about how she hadn't told her employer about her pregnancy, I was under the impression that she was 20+ weeks, and Dylan had been on tour for 12 weeks. Later, I guessed you meant that she was 12 weeks pregnant. Anyway, my point is I think you could tighten up the timeline and clarify it some. Also, I found it hard to believe that she'd go six+ weeks without telling him/making him listen to her.

I do like how you brought Justine back into the mix--that was really natural and made perfect sense. At the beginning of the novel, I couldn't see how she'd ever be able to forgive her (though I knew she probably would by the end). But when Justine finally showed up, everything fell into place and I actually liked Justine's character. I liked how she urged Renee to go after her man--I'd just consider speeding up the timeline some, or rearranging it so he took off on tour right after their moment on the jetty when he walked away. I just can't see her going to live with Beth and not at least trying to get through to him with the truth for so many weeks. If he were to leave right away, she wouldn't have much choice, and then it would be more believable (for me, anyway), when Justine shows up and urges her to do something about it.

End of constructive criticism. :) It might seem like I'm picking at a lot here, but I'm giving you my honest opinion because I loved this story so much, and I can see it getting published. I know I'd buy it, and read it more than once. I think your writing style is similar to my own, and I noticed several instances where I was able to draw parallels between your work and mine (as far as your MC's voice goes). Probably one reason why I liked this so much--I write the kind of story I like to read. Anyway, excellent work. You conveyed Renee's emotions so well, especially at the end, when she went to NY to find him and saw him with that blonde. That was some painful reading! So you did your job well. :)

I just discovered this, and I'm so glad I did. I read the first six chapters, and the only reason I'm stopping is because I have to (whahhhhh!). The kids need fed and the dishes need done. Woe is me--I'd much rather read this story.

Now, for a few words about your story. I love your characters, both Renee and Dylan. You've done an amazing job at bringing them to life, and even your secondary characters come across as unique. I don't have much to offer in the form of constructive criticism, other than to suggest editing and polishing this to really make it shine. Also, the beginning of chapter two was a little disorienting for me, because you didn't immediately situate your reader with the setting. I had no idea that she was back in Boston until several paragraphs in. I just think a smoother transition from chapter one to chapter two would help. These are minor things, and in no way detracts from the story (which is compelling and addictive). You've got something really good here, imo. I'm just giving you something to chew over to make it even better. Excellent work. I can't wait to get back to this. :)

This is great, really enjoying it so far, funny, sassy with a nice edge. Love the reversing into neighbour scene - it's up there with Darcy meeting Elizabeth. Am backing and rating and looking forward to reading more
AP

Hi nice new cover, how about including a guitar behind the legs... would reflect the musical aspect of the book... just saying

Already in the works Pam! My photographer friend is taking some photos for a new cover similar to this

Hi nice new cover, how about including a guitar behind the legs... would reflect the musical aspect of the book... just saying

Just read more.. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. Your characters are easy to follow and their age is clear through their dialect they use.. 6stars given and looking forward to reading more. x

LOVE the storyline (your cover is great too) very polished and easy to follow. Looking forward to reading more!

Rachel - I whipped through the first three chapters, pulled along by your easy style and polished writing. You've got talent, girl! The music theme is great, love it. High stars!! I'll definitely back it at some point. ~Gail

Rachel - I whipped through the first three chapters, pulled along by your easy style and polished writing. You've got talent, girl! The music theme is great, love it. High stars!! I'll definitely back it at some point. ~Gail

A delightful, well written and entertaining story. Not my usual genre but I loved it. High stars and on my watch list awaiting promotion. Good luck. yours Bea

Hi Rachel,
Because of the Christmas season will probably finish the book in the new year, but will offer my comments based on the first 14 chaps.
These are just as a reader. I dont see alot of pain over the breakup. At the beginning of the second chapter, other than the liquidizer and the eyes being puffy, there is very little emotion to make the breakup as painful as they usually are. So maybe a bit more on that could make it more heart wrenching, would make me feel sorry for Renee.
The conversation when she meets Dyan, its great, but I think you should add more of that 'Dylan bad ass mockery' of her where she can in frustration probably say, she caught her boyfriend with her best friend, because thats not something I would share with a stranger, I've just met no matter how cute....
When you're describing Dylan having sweaty palms, cant stand in front of all those people feeling nervous, you're basically describing his symptoms, but maybe you can explain his panic.... what his feelings are doing to him, beacuse other wise it doesnt look like he's having trouble and Renee did little in helping him overcome. Sometimes even a line decribing his emotional state can help us feel like wow this is seriously disabling him.
Was Beth in school with them? How come there's not much in the past about her. just bridge the gap between then n now......
Oh and she may have nothing in common with her ex, but surely there must be nuances of her enjoying her time with him or wanting to be with him that make her 'PAST' so difficult to let go, something I'm not feeling right now, in fact currently I feel glad she got dumped by him, if there was nothing between them.... if thats what you want us to feel.... thats my two bits..... hope it helps :)

Rachel, I read the first 14 chapters will read the rest on the weekend. But so far love what I've read. I must say writing in first person is difficult, but you make it look easy, good flow, nice pace, its just nice. No place on the shelf now, but hopefully by month end will back the book. Will leave more comments later.

Rachel, I read the first 14 chapters will read the rest on the weekend. But so far love what I've read. I must say writing in first person is difficult, but you make it look easy, good flow, nice pace, its just nice. No place on the shelf now, but hopefully by month end will back the book. Will leave more comments later.

This is excellent writing. I love the way you give an enticing hook at the end of chapters 1 and 2. I liked the music background as well; it gives the story a unique slant. I felt so sorry for Renee when she found her boyfriend in bed with her best friend. Written simply but effectively. Well done. Six well deserved stars. I will put Sound Bites on my watchlist because I want to go back to it when I have more time.

Kim (Pain)

Rachel.

Very accomplished writing here, backed for the long haul. And FULL stars!

Probably not the type of novel I'd normally read but I have to say i enjoyed your opening, Rachel. This feels like very polished work. The prose is simple and unfussy but has a restrained elegance which gives the narrative a certain style. Convincing and purposeful dialogue. Distinctive and believable characters. Sympathetic and engaging narrator. Good balance of action and dialogue in scenes.

In short, a very smooth, readable opening. On my shelf. Thanks and best of luck. A

Rachel
Wow, this is just brilliant! Sound Bites has had me hooked for days! I've been so frustrated because I've only been able to grab the odd half hour to read, when all I wanted to do was get to the end! I feel like I've lived every second with Renee, you've made her a very likeable, believable character. I love the way Dylan calls her 'California' at the beginning, the way they interact, in fact I love everything about this!
Thanks for a great read.
Jane (Jedye)

I like your depiction of the 25 year old Renee who’s suffered so much after walking in on her boyfriend and best friend. You’ve captured a feeling of despair, hopelessness and betrayal perfectly.

“It was a warm June day, the kind where the smell in the air made you want to fall in love if love was even a valid concept any more”

I like that when she goes out she prepares in a way that’s almost deliberately anti-everything, “threw the blonde dishevelled mess on my head ….”

Very convincing. It’s on my shelf and rated.

hello Rachel;
book' Sound bites-

both names brought me in to read this book of yours, my daughter is Rachel and i have an interest in music-
after reading five chapters and chunks more of various chapters; i can see that this in one good chick, lit book;
and out and out woman's read
in that target area it will do very well, It is a delightful and light hearted read;
Well crafted and nicely written with a deft touch. the interest in music never far away from the scene,
can see it flying off the racks in airports, its a definite holiday read for the young romantics.

tom bye
from hugs to kisses'
please glance at mine it time, thanks

I've gotten really involved in this! You've got a great first person voice, easy and compelling. Also, some intriguing end of chapter hooks that made me keep turning. I see a ton of potential in this. I'm a music lover so it piqued my interest right away. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Skipping around the latter chapters, I like where this is going. Renee is a very likeable main character.

One of the formatting things that stood out to me was at the beginning of chapter 2 you start the first 4 paragraphs with 'I'. I've always been told to avoid that if you can and it's pretty easy to fix. Other than that, I didn't see much except watch your dialogue tags. In a conversation with 2 people you don't need much.

Starred and I'll shelve it next week sometime. It's a fun book that I probably would have picked up off the shelf in a bookstore.
Missy

Only had time for chapter one. But I wouldn't read more than that in a bookstore before I parted with cash. It's obvious you can write. Good luck with it.
Sue

Rachel,

Chap 1 pulled me in with good writing, nice use of description. I really liked the first paragraph and the rest of the school description. And I liked the hook at the end.. although I saw it coming from your book description on the site.

Chap 2 – Transition from 1 to 2 is not very compelling.

I like your transition from Chap 2 to 3 where you end with a present car wreck and then start the next chapter with a past example of a bad driving experience.

Perhaps there's a way you could do something similar to start Chap 2?

Be aware that the reader is not much invested in Renee's relationship with David at this point since you devote only a couple of lines to it. Not sure you need to do more, except maybe to keep it in mind as you continue to write Renee's response, which was no doubt more to Justine's betrayal than David's. Or was it? No clear how much Renee cared for David.

The paragraph before her Mom's call in Chap 1 needs to be reworked in order to let the reader in on the fact it's the mom calling, and that's why Renee is thinking what she is.

Don't need the (I said) attribute for most of the conversation with her mom. You could try reading the dialogue aloud to see if there are any places it needs to be trimmed. For example, don't need: "And frankly".

For the most part your dialogue is quite good. It only needs that last bit of polishing.

In the paragraph that starts I lugged.. you give us the same information twice.

Green eyes.. 2 comments. First, green tends to be an overused eye color. Doesn't mean you need to change it... just be aware of it. Second, most of us would think simply, my eyes. Not my green or brown or whatever eyes. Same with hair. I know you want the reader to be able to picture Renee and that can be difficult with 1st person but you're a good enough writer to figure out how to do it.

Your last statement in Chap 2, the "I'd already received my answer" is not in the moment since it speaks to the reader directly about what is going to happen. If possible, you want to leave the reader in as much suspense for as long as possible.

The initial encounter with Dylan is well done. Aspects of his physical description are very well done. My only suggestion would be to trim it a bit. You don't have to give us every detail at once. I like their dialogue, but his use of the f word turned me off. I know, I know it's everywhere. But it makes him less appealing at this point, and I'm not convinced it's necessary.

"Patronization"? How about saying he had a patronizing tone.

Nice introduction to Beth. I did find myself wondering where she'd been when Renee started public school. Maybe she was Renee's only friend, but they had no classes together?? If Beth appeared there, then her reappearance in a later chapter might seem more natural.

Actually, if you do introduce her earlier, you could consider moving the Beth scene to the beginning of Chap 2 which would be more interesting than the conversation with her mother.

You're a good writer, and I see a lot of potential here. I'm giving this 4 stars and putting it on my watch list. Good luck.

Ann Warner - Absence of Grace

I think you made your book the easiest piece of work any teenager could relate to. I mean the school you describe in the beginning sounds just like my high school. Everyone is in their own groups and it's always hard to find the one you're supposed to be in. I could relate to the whole small town big dreams concept. I really like Renee! (especially because she's a fan of Nirvana) but there's something about Justine that I don't like and I think that last sentence in chapter I says it all. I haven't gone to chapter 2 yet but this is by far one of my favorite books on this site! Good luck!:)

Hi Rachel. I spotted your book on the front page and the pitch drew me in.

I've read the first 6 chapters and really enjoying it so far. I've added it to my watchlist.

A few points I made as I read:
Ch 1 - Renee talks about LA as here at one stage which feels like a change in tense.
Ch 2 - a change in tense with 'this is the truth'
'once I got wrapped it in something' - think the it is a typo
Ch 3 - 'He spoke softly and evenly, but I could sense an underlying tone of patronization in his voice' - this didn't fee just as natural or easy flowing as other dialogue/narrative. Perhaps 'I could sense a patronising undertone'?
Ch 4 - 'Who's Muse' - brilliant, sums up the difference in David and Renee perfectly.

I really like the way you end your chapters, and this is story that quickly pulls the reader in and keeps the interest.

Sound Bites is sexy and heartfelt at the same time. I identify with her apartment hunting and fear of the loud neighbors & thin walls. Loved her first car experience in Chapt 3.
Rosalind Barden
American Witch

Hi Rachel,

Sound Bits seemed to doing well as it was listed top in the Weekly rated charts and a minute into reading this book, I understood why. I just loved the way you frame sentences and I could just sail through the first chapter. Yes, I agree with some of the other comments that the ending of the first chapter is really good. You have an amazing style of story telling and this book seems set to do great things ahead.

Ajo

Sniff white out! Hilarious
Oh Yikes. What an ending to the first chapter.
I like the part about Beth’s honesty (yes you do like you have a third forehead – classic!)
You clearly like Jeff Buckley. I have to say that his cover of Hallelujah is one of my most favourite songs. I like the bit at the end of chapter 5 when she hears it playing and realises it’s coming from Dylan’s apartment and has her little fantasies.
An enjoyable read that I have starred :-)
Tammy

You have a remarkable manner of writing, Rachel, that captures me from the very first line! This reads like a published book of an established best-selling author. I'm more than happy to give you full marks and when there's room on my shelf Sound Bites will go there.

Sincerely Yours,
Ivan

Hi. So, I fell in love this book! I read it for four hours straight (yeah, it took me that long) and I fell in love. With Dylan. With Renee. With everything. I especially loved the time when they were apart and his proposal. Buckley? Really? Hehe. My only thing about this, is when Walter took Renee out to dinner, at the front of the chapter and for a few times, his name was 'Water' instead of 'Walter.' That's the only bad thing I had to say. Thanks for the great read and I'm gonna back it!

Hi Renee,

I just dipped into Sound Bites and I must say, as a Bostonian, I understand the appeal of LA. By the way,I think the locals are referred to Angelenos, not Los Angelites. (check on this, I'm not positive). But you have a really good story, and i'm interested in reading more. Giving you lots of stars and watch listing for now.

I hope you'll check out Animal Cracker.

Best,
Andi

started to read this one. Again the writing flows so easily, i am caught up with the story have placed it on my watchlist and hope to have it shelved very soon. by the way i have tweeked mine and have resubmitted.. love to hear your comments..

Yeah, I have to agree with you.

haha I actually had details but they didn't really go with the overall "funny" feel of the book, so I ended up taking them out. maybe I'll have to reconsider....

Okay, the naughty part of me wants a LOT more detail about the hands down best sex Renee ever had! :)

Okay, the naughty part of me wants a LOT more detail about the hands down best sex Renee ever had! :)

Awe...I just got done. Great ending. You made me laugh, you made me get teary eyed and you filled me with all sorts of warm fuzzy feelings. Great read.
I always love good analagies and found yours original and funny. Most importantly I was able to see the characters in my minds eye or feel what they were feeling by them.
I longed for more detail. Detail can annoy some but I actually crave them. I think specifically it's detail that bridges ideas or thoughts. For example when David brings Renee a glass of ginger ale I'm left questioning, 'does she just have ginger ale on hand?' 'Did she know it was ginger ale right away, or did she have to smell it first?'
Well, Ms. Vegas, Bravo. I really enjoyed your book and am leaving it on my bookshelf for a while. :)

I only read three chapters, and each one of them left a hook in the last line guaranteed to make a reader want to continue. Professionally written, nicely polished, a promising story. One tiny typo that you might easily know about already, Ch 1, 'complied a list' should be 'compiled.'
Very well done, and backed. Marj.

ooh, I love this - sorry it's taken so long! I like your writing style, and I like the descriptions of the bond with Justine at the first meeting. I did notice that in chapter 2, there seemed to be a switch between Renee being on the phone to Beth and them actually meeting, but it wasn't clear so I was a bit confused on that. And I love Dylan already, he sounds just like my type of guy and the whole scene after the crash was very well written. Well done with this, so far, very good and definetly something I'd buy.

If you have time would you check out The Secret Diary?

Natalie

I'm not done reading this yet, just finished chapter 10, but am already getting such a kick out of it. It's funny and the characters are very true to life. I know people like Dylan and Renee.
This is an easy read, the writing style keeps the interest. At 33, I do feel it's a little young for me and so I encourage Ms. Vegas to also list young adult under her genres if she hasn't already.
I have backed this book because I feel that any publicist would find it in their best interest to see to it that this book comes available on the market.

This is just the sort of book I love to read on my holidays. It's light, well paced and beautifully written. i love your characters and you have a lovely descriptive style. I've put this on my shelf.
Gill

Just read the first chapter - I'm definitely intrigued. I think we have very similar writing styles. Can't wait to read more.

This genre isn't my thing but I like the voice. I was ready to critique the hell out of this (as with most romance) but your writing is quite good so that definitely should catch someone's eye should they request your manuscript. I like your character, I like how you use time (verbal flashbacks are well-done) and your story seems original enough to sell. My critique? Make sure your pitch reflects that! At this point (and remember that I liked this) your pitch sounds really generic. It may be passed by because it's been done a ton of times. You have a lot more originality and excitement in your story than you convey in the pitch. There's tons of threads that edit pitches - I really recommend that's where you aim your next efforts. Otherwise, very well done. I am pleasantly surprised and impressed.

Hi. Romance is not my cup of tea but I liked the voice. Only had time to browse through, enough to like and back it. As soon as I have more ime, I shall comment more. Could you specify which chapter(s) would you like me to comment?
Meantime, please check TO KILL A DEAD MAN.
Dan

I won't profess to be an expert on Chick Lit, but this is extremely well written and seems very commercial and publishable to me. I read the first chapter and a half, then skipped to a couple of random points to see if the quality is maintained, which it is. It's on my shelf, certainly for a few days. Best of luck, Philip

The work in first person is wonderful in terms of construction re the storyline. The surprise at the end of Ch1 is not carried into Ch2. The dialogue and thoughts are really great. Backed. I'm sure this work will do well in the marketplace. The perspective of the MC on life is interesting; music is great glue for life. The "cherry pick" feature of the site does not seem to be in use for the comments. Click on the 5 you like and they will stay at the top of the list. You can "unclick" with just another click. Good luck.

This is right up my alley, exactly the kind of thing I look for but never seem to find. I'm very much a rock girl and even used my favorite band as an inspiration in my own book. I love the characters and their relationship. I read the first three chapters and then skipped around some. I've seen enough to know I'm keeping this around to read when I have time. Renee is a strong female lead and I feel like she's the kind of person I'd love to know, hoping some of it can rub off on me. I think a lot of people will enjoy this, you make it a fun read.

Starred and in line for my shelf!
Missy

This feels like a personal trip down memory lane for you. I feel like I've opened someone's diary. I don't get it. The writing is excellent, there is great talent for it. But the story does not engage me. I recognise almost every reference (e.g. the continuous dropping of band's names) yet it does not intrigue me.

I like the story a lot. For some reason the relationship between Renee and Dylan is like Kate Winslet and Jack Black from the movie "The Holiday" which is good. The writing style and plot is great. I couldn't believe I got to chapter 17 before I had to stop for air ...
Way to go
Kirk
"How to Steal a Lion"

Well-written story. Renee is an engaging character, living life with determination and urgency as she struggles with relationships. After meeting with Dylan her world opens up to music and more of life's lessons. The book should appeal to a young audience and is an easy read.
Best of Luck.
Bradley Haynes (Tricia)

Rachel,
what I have read was very interesting and enjoyable.
The plot flows smoothly and your writing is sublime in it's fluidity.
Easy reading for me!
I have backe dit and 5 starred it, will comment more3 or adjust the stars when I have read more.
I hope you have time to check out my book Convergence.
David