Norin high year .1

AZ - Thanks for the support on 'At the Narrow End of Time'. I enjoyed your Norin High piece, especially the insights in the culture and the opportunity to see a glimpse into the lives of the people who live there. I could even feel the 'vibe' of the place and the excitement of their experience. It almost brought back a few memories of my High School days, but years of practice repressing such memories quashed that rather nicely. You obviously put a lot of work into this piece, and I get a strong sense from it that you have a passion for your writing. That should serve you well going forward, wherever life takes you. One thing I find helpful is to read your work out loud as you proof read. I find it helps me spot my typos (I have plenty), plus it helps me develop the flow of the paragraphs. Just a thought.

Good luck with this, and all the best in your future endeavors!
Steve


I noticed a few minor typo's:
rich district - because you have to BE rich to afford anything good
Ayame was completely destroyed. It was AS if her entier being turned to stone
Well, maybe next year," Shinji said with no tone of regret. (comma before the ")
when I needed him. He's one of A kind."
How could he see it in her eyes if he WAS behind her?
as soon as she figured out what was going ON.
even if you don't KNOW which way it'll take you
and I don't really KNOW what I'm freakin' doing!
and all's well that ends well. But this IS just the beginning;

Fantastic image to start with - a cemetery where even the dead don't want to go. You have a very clear, readable style, and I felt for the poor girl with the skirt incident. Entire school lives are built on such horrors!

To all who want me to back their books, I apologize if it takes me a while to read and rate your books because I'm a little busy at the moment. I promise you all I will read and back every one of your books when I get the chance.

For those of you who are confused by the chapters, the chapters are somewhat like vignettes in the sense that some of them aren't in direct order. What I mean is one chapter starts in the winter and the next is in the spring, something like that. By the way, for all of you fans of this book, I hope to make a second, third and fourth book.

How totally wonderful you are, AZ!! :) Thank you so very much for backing my memoirs/testimony book. :) May God richly bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** mine, too. Every ****** -ing & backing more than 24 hours moves our books up authonomy's lists. :) I want to ask you if you could please keep my book on your bookshelf because, I'm #1 on the editor's desk & I don't want to lose traction & to remain in the top 5 to be chosen February 28. :) Please read my profile page: I had a mini-stroke Nov. 10 with slurred speech for an hour & numbness of tongue still & over 24 smaller ones where I couldn't speak since & I"d sure like to cross the finish line of the editor's desk after almost 1 year of trying on authonomy. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me :) - I have lost 3 sisters to strokes & my last sister, Mary had 2 heart attacks this past year.

You so vividly describe the city of Nerima. I could so easily picture it and wanted to visit for a spell. I love the youthful feel of this work. Ayame and Shinji make such a cute couple. This story has great appeal to young adult readers who tend to relish these fantastic accounts. I've rated Norin high year .1 with six stars.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

if anyone reads this, sorry about a few grammer mistakes and words that don't belong. I write very fast and sometimes its hard to notice the mistakes

Dear AZ, I love that a few teenagers are introduced to love, adventure, & hardships with Ayame madly in love with her childhood friend Shinji & hoping to get closer to him when they enter high school until she meets Norin who always has a smile on his face & she also meets friends & foes, & they all need the warm smile of Norin, as your pitch portrays. :) Chapter 1 preparing for the "first day of high school" which "signifies the entrance to adulthood," taking place in Japan. :) Ayama rushed to see Shinji, his parents having taken him out of town for the summer for their business trip. :) They are knocked over by Norin & her skirt tore & his being on the outside of the window & making a bang with the little bag, making the teacher faint again. :) I had to laugh in chapter 2, "We are not dating." It made me smile at all of the things I did in high school in the '50s & your story brings back a lot of memories. :) Physical exams was something else. :) The "red tag" was good, too. :) Competition, I never have liked & was glad I didn't have to participate the that, another thing to be thankful for. :) "to spruce Ayame up so she could catch Shinji's eye" was cute of Saki to do. :) I have read & commented on your book & will back it more than 24 hours when space opens on my bookshelf. :) I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs book, in return? :) I would so much appreciate it because I have been trying for 328 days to be chosen in the top 5 of the editor's desk January 31 :) - I was #4 on 1-1-11, but 2 people passed me, so I am #6 & need backings to push be back into the top 5. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. every ******-ing moves our books up authonomy's lists, as does backing more than 24 hours & the longer on our bookshelves, the more they move up, per authonomy's new rules Oct. 2010 :) - click on author's name, scroll down their profile page & click on their book cover or title & their book will come up :) then, ****** & "back the book" :)
To read this book & comment took hours & was done arduously my best from my heart, as I'm sure your book was, too :) - I would be delighted to hear from you. :)

interesting style. will read more.

bb

:) I will comment on your book as soon as I have read it - read & commented on 4 hours later :)