SHEEN

This seems very competently done and funny. I find it hard to conventionally critique stuff like this--you read a couple chapters, and it's sort of like a book one might read (but when have you recently actually purchased a contemporary novel?) Oh, well, that's perhaps why it's so difficult to compel the businesspeople in publishing.

But I literally have posted the same version of: "every competent, excellent-looking literary novel is done by Brits" a few times now, in books I've perused. You should try American agents or something--I don't mean to demean you by saying "you write well like the other Brits," but that's basically what I'm saying. The market might be overly glutted there, whereas we have horrid "literary" stuff from talentless hack old women from Montana filling up out "shelves."

Ch 3 ... the rest of.
I thought this was the best I've read so far. You generate real poignancy in the overwhelming sense of pointlessness and defeat. Many people will recognise many of the thinks you nail down in their own experiences of uni and striving to break into a working life that doesn't give a shite about them and will never make them happy. Yes, it was then, but, with half-a-million now going to so the zillions of unis there now are to do degrees that no one really wants and which won't get many of them jobs, your story is startlingly relevant today, also.
I esp liked these dabs,,,
-- I took my certificate and handed it to my mum ... (is that the real reason we go to uni? to please our mums?)
-- The atmosphere on the green outside was subdued
-- ...as if someone were playing with a contrast button (our fate not being in our own hands)
-- (even the drizzle was in two minds)
-- (son pissed off and dad pissed off with mum in the middle, probably oblivious, surrounded by men doing their duty)
-- place on the podium
-- Party Four ... o bliss of blisses! correct me if i am wrong, but wasn't there also a party seven??????? I seem to remember paddling around in a canal in Chester trying to fish out a half empty party seven (Watneys)
-- as maudlin as forgotten war heroes
-- turned the water down two degrees (funny how it's all about degrees!)
-- you didn't call (because he's realistic nihilst and knows you will desert him, because he expects bad shit to happen. It's how we are.)
-- Her buttocks were cold.

Cracking stuff, we spend half our young lives pursuing a certificate for our mums to hold and a piece of hot ass for ourselves (not mums of course) and we end up with nothing. There is a great msg about how life dumps us in the gutter in all this. But then there is always the way of the Devil, in this case Mr.Sheen.
Your story is making me feel quite sad, but in a nice way. It's how it was, well observed and witty.

Ch 3
The first secion. There are some great dabs here, again... REM ... America/America (no longer) ... fat, giving pillows ... 'What do you want, Suzanna?' ... (oh, just a little time on your authonomy shelf, big boy!) ... When I'd tried to spank her ... all meaningless playacting.
I was quite moved by his mounting desperation. He is able to love and able to not love, to lapse into silences. He wants to be one a success -- Sheen is the logical conclusion to that aim -- yet he can't stand it. He seems confused in a humane sort of way. He wants S to love him yet he is being cruel to her in a way that makes it seem as if he wants to fail. Perhaps he also doesn't really want to be Sheen. Is that what it's all about, wanting to be something we don't want to be? And then we take another pull at The Bastard, fail to become Sheen and fail to be ourselves. And then, Pink Floyd said it, probably paraphrasing someone else, 'clinging on in quiet desperation.' Fuck me, pass The Bastard, i need a drink, save that at our time of life and circumstances it is more likely to be something off Tesco's halp-price wine shelf. Ach, that word again! shelf! Not that I am begging!
I definitely think your story connects.
Orlando F.

Ch2
Finally got in.

There are some great dabs ... Cyril ... appallng self-confidedence ... I just love to hear you say it (and yes, I have heard the joke, but I still like it) ... Holborn was and still is exactly as you describe ... baked-potato-skin brown ... racehorse quality ... exhausted-looking coughers (prob mostly dead now) ... lit a Rothmans (definitely dead) ... John Conteh ... glass wallet ... an off-kilter part of London (spot on, not east not west) ...damp fiver ...karate chopping monkeys ... Mackeson ... the suggestion of a bow ...

Some bits slowed things up a bit namely ... 12 hour interview ... 2:2 in European and American studies ... the finer details were a bit heavy ... though having said that I cld see 'the swirling pattern of the wallpaper' and i suppose most of us have those interview memories ... but it is Sheen who draws us, his gimlet eyed animal spirits, his sheer success ... how the hell does he manage it?

I know Holborn and I can recall the period you are nailing down with all the period dabs. Will see how Ch 3 goes tmr. I think you need a bit of sweaty edit is all I wld say of what I've read so far.

Ron

Purely fyi -- I have just tried to read your ch 2, but the system is telling me 'Sorry, an error occured while loading the chapter text.' groan.

Ch 1
P.L.C., polyester shirts, cold saw and clipboard ... and deeply shallow ...

You made me smirk more than once. Kirsten sounds like she wld have a story in the top 20 here -- YA/fantasy/romance/mush -- and list the bible as her number one read.

You also got me dreamily recalling the Hoffmeister bear and the Hamlet add with that actor who used to live b near me in Bethnal Green doing keepy-uppies with a skull.

At first, i thought MADMEN, and wondered if that blocks the sunlight from your story. But maybe not, equally it might generate interest for similar stories. I found that some of the details of job applications a little like biog. But then we all have our rejection stories and so it did not put me off.

The popularity of LIFE ON MARS makes me think that there is great scope for more retro type stories. The Duran Duran and Silk Cut references will jive with many.

I think if you can tap into those collective brand memories you cld well be onto a winner. Follow the Bear... And I wanted to punch Stuart Reff. I wonder what he's doing now?

BACKED.

Seems to be lost for some reason. Waved some stars. Hope you're back in business.

SHEEN was one of my first, and as such, I have loyalty, if not form associated with it. Excellent writing, said it before. The rotating a Rothmans in an ashtray, and that attention to detail swings the book into focus. Occasionally not so deft, with cold dribbles down his back, but why not.?If it dribbled.
The book is actually a story, you are a story teller, which actually does make a difference to the read. Unpretentious and witty, quick moving with no nonsense. Snap, snap and on we go.
The wry delivery always appeals, and this, to me, is a sleek example.
I'm a hopeless reader on-line, Vin, my eyes can't keep traction(?) but have you looked over the punctuation recently? I reckon you could tighten up the opening passages there, not in content, purely in the comma department, it would be even tighter.
When it gets there, they'll look for that in the first 5k words or so.

back on the shelf.
Billie

Vin, you've created a likeable character - humorous - someone many will relate to and laugh and cry with. Your style is smooth and flowing. Nice job. CW

Liked it. Tight, precise, sensible dialogue, rated it. Door easy to push open.

Vin, this is a very stylish piece of writing. You've captured a unique narrative voice which drives your story on, and fires your wicked, caustic sense of humour. There's some great observational stuff in here that feels very authentic the 80's backdrop. I like both your pitches - short and long - and if I had more time would definitely have read on past the opening chapter. Excellent start. Happy to back.

NA 'The Butterfly and the Wheel'

I found this an enjoyable read, well written and interesting. It starts of at a good pace and the details you drop in about the time period were spot-on and gave it a very authentic feel.

The section at the end of the first chapter where you flashback to his reasons for going into advertising was a little dull. It read fine and was well written, but I did feel myself losing interest. This is of course just my personal opinion.

You set up the idea of him applying for jobs really nicely, especially with the competition with his flatmates, but since you've already established that he does get the job it all feels a bit predictable. So, I felt you should have made more of actual interview process. In the first Sheen interview I didn't understand where the reference to jelly came from and you didn't give any indication why he would get a second interview. Then in the second interview you don't really say what they do so that when he does get put on the subs bench it isn't clear why and eventually when he was chosen the whole process felt a little arbitrary, like it was a lottery. You may go on to explain how he got the job, but in the meantime it would have helped to have made the scenes a little more interesting. Clearly you can do this since the scene where he battles it out with Kirsten does all these things.

At the moment I'd say that Kirsten scene is a bigger set piece than any of the Sheen interviews which doesn't feel right. Either what happens with Sheen should be more memorable, or maybe even move the Kirsten scene into his Sheen interviews. The Martini interview, which was great, could easily be enough convey his failure with interviews by itself.

The scenes with his girlfriend really worked for me. I thought you captured a very engaging bittersweet tone, that was amusing and touching. A really solid piece of writing. This is of course just my opinion also.

Overall I think you have a strong voice, lots of great funny moments, and a good grasp of time and place. I thought it was very good.

you write with good flow; your dialogue is especially noteworthy...l shall back...
SEASONS...

This is quite unique and is on my shelf. Some fine writing with excellent descriptions
Johann

Sheen

A lot to take in with your pitch. It promises to be a well-detailed story. I really enjoyed thisd as I got into it - remember some of the old things in Britain in the 80's well and this brought it all backl to me. Some very good passages with a lot of humour. This is certainly different so I will back this.
Nikos

This definitely goes on the watch list!

The latest upload maintains the high quality of this book. It deserves to be shooting to the top of the rankings.

Not sure from the busy pitch whether Doug or Sheen is the MC in this but within a few paragraphs its clear that its Doug. There is some great stuff early on as we hear of the authors end of Uni/job searching in Thatchers Britain with the PM 'yelling orders with the voice of a posh transsexual dalek'.This is a keenly observed bio.,full of deft comic touches. Perhaps younger readers won't remember the cinzano/martini adverts or even Leonard Rossiter but that passage, as many did in this book, made me laugh. I liked Doug's PLC nickname, the reason he is given for being suited to Avertising as a career - 'you are shallow.. but your shallows are concentrated' In fact I like all of this because the material is fresh and cliche free.The eighties backdrop is nicely judged as well ;Madonna, miners strike etc. I would liked to have heard more about flatmate Do-Nut (obviously Jack Black in the film version of this) but a lot is packed into the opening chapters. The melancholy end to his uni days and his parting from Suzanna are cleverly and poignantly done and Sheen's entrance is brilliantly handled. The series of interviews are all individual comedy sketches - I preferred Dougs job pitch to Kirstens but I suppose we are supposed to. I was a bit lost in the early months of his ad-man training but I guess the author wants to reflect the confusion that Doug felt. He is quickly back on form with that Butterfields supermarket ad campaign video. I loved this. If the author engages with the site, 'Sheen' will shoot speedily up the rankings,

:) I will comment on your book as soon as I have read it :)