Book Jacket

 

rank 5445
word count 128106
date submitted 01.02.2011
date updated 01.02.2011
genres: Science Fiction
classification: moderate
incomplete

Them-2

Dr. Gene Ladnier

Giant ants create a new apocalyptic world!

 

Even in the 21st Century many people continue to be fascinated by the ‘big bug’ movies of the 1950’s. At age ten, my first titillating exposure came with the move, Them, a 1954 classic about giant ants. I have never forgotten that jaw dropping experience and still watch the show with a sense of antiquated wonder and nostalgia when it is shown. I have also longed for a sequel to this early classic. Therefore, it is with a sense of yearning for those old days that I have decided to write one of my own, not in script form, but as a novel. Times have changed, hence, in order to make the story more believable and as equally exciting, the technology and story must be adapted to modern frames of thought. This one is for: James Arness, James Whitmore, Edmund Gwenn & Joan Weldon, the original cast of …Them.

 
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Charles Thompson wrote 473 days ago

P.S. I think your pitch is interesting, but I don't think it's really a pitch. Indeed, it's more about you than the book. Accordingly, I recommend that you move the pitch to your "about me" page and then draft a more traditional pitch that captures some of the intrigue, excitement, and fine writing ability that you demonstrate in the book itself.

Kind regards,

Rob

Charles Thompson wrote 475 days ago

I just completed the first chapter of THEM-2. It was a delight to read and I breezed through it. You do a great job introducing Dr. Yoshida's character and setting an exotic stage. Likewise, you ably build intrigue with the mysterious drilling discovery. Also, as a layperson, it appears you've done adequate research, for your technical comments help to set convincing scenes that make your science fiction feel not too far "out there." Indeed, I generally don't enjoy science fiction, but this book presents the science fiction with a light touch that makes it easy to digest for readers of all genres. And your clever deflection of any superficial comparison with Jurassic Park is perfect.

Notwithstanding, I caught a few things that might help you tighten up the manuscript:

There are several compound words that I would hyphenate (e.g., "half-mile"; "once-living"). I suspect that if you go back through the text with this issue in mind, you'll catch the various instances.

The word choice "glanced curiously" seems odd to me. I would think "squinted" or "stared" or some other word that conveys intensity would pair more naturally with "curiously"; "glance" seems too casual for the situation.

Consider placing a comma after "Several days after returning to McMurdo", as well as after "When he arrived"

"was a virtual gold mine to other scientistS" (i.e., missing "s" on scientists).

"He is one of the best PaleobiologistS in the world." (as written, it's missing the "s" on Paleobiologists"

I hope these observations are of some use to you. I look forward to reading more and learning what happens next. I am also proud to be the first person to back this book.

Best,

Rob

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