And When

Wendy

I've been lucky enough to read the whole book and I found "And When" reads as a true slice of the turmoil a person can endure, yet retain their sense of who they really are. You cover a lot of ground conveying each with a realistic touch. From her illness, her father’s illness and death, then her withdrawal from normal life, before moving to recovery and building a long distance relationship.

I’ve have first-hand experience of serious illness and dealing with death simultaneously. This aspect is what drew me to your novel. You've captured the worst emotions a person can feel and portrayed Jade as a strong individual without the "Feel sorry for me" nonsense. I developed a deep connection with her as she struggles from the very first chapter.

Her withdrawal from her old life resonates strongly with me. Illness affects people in different ways but you've keep her strong willed, independent and not reliant on others. The guilt when she has to lean on them is heartfelt and leads her to question, what she wants and can expect from life now. This moves nicely into the world of online chat and the connections she makes. Your observations are quite right, that it's far easier to tell your troubles to people behind a screen than in person.

These initial chapters are a compelling journey, fresh, well-written, packed full of genuine emotion and pull you along to the next paragraph, the next chapter, wanting to know what happens with a real hunger. "Will she be ok? Will her emails turn into romance?" Just questions I’m asking myself.

We see tiny slithers of old Jade as she flirts with Brady. He engages her in a way no man has since the beginning of her illness and pushes her boundaries as they make the journey to friendship. Wrestling with the decision of a major operation Brady steps up, offering her a shoulder and becomes a constant in her life. You capture the indecision and apprehension well.

When she is in the hospital, her humour is intact and I feel it’s important to show that. To remind us that although she is a patient, she is still Jade. Her recovery at home and how useless she feels, comes shining through. People forget not everyone likes to be fussed over, I certainly don't and not everyone thinks the world revolves around them.

As she recovers, her excitement turns to disappointment as she has second and third thoughts about meeting this man, telling him the distance is the issue and allowing him the opportunity to back out gracefully. I’m yelling at him to be the man she deserves. You show true anger and frustration before she accepts defeat and returns to a realistic target of friendship. It’s ok to portray her as someone who didn't just let him straight back in to her life. He let her down and that come across really well.

She does let him back in eventually, while expecting nothing, completely in charge of her own destiny. They plan to attend an event giving her chance, to meet Brady, but also to say thank you to her extended network of friends. The meeting is set perfectly, then wham you hit us with a sensuous sex scene allowing us to experience the culmination of a year’s worth of flirting and pent up passion. She allows herself to give in to her desires and she deserves that and I for one, am happy she did.

Once home there are questions to be answered and we see her trying to make plans with the man she is deeply in love with, but he’s still hiding things. As he spins more lies and reasons not to make the effort, I’m disgusted with him and engaged in this love story, caring that he’s hurt her and as the truth comes out, her anger, pain and rage jump off the page. It’s with genuine artistry that you have the reader sympathetic towards Jade and wanting to hurt Brady.

The chapters after they meet in Atlantic City are as powerful as their first sex scene. She's torn between telling him to get out of her life and finding answers. It takes a very strong woman not to let him rot in the life he wants to escape. As Jade struggles with decisions, every subsequent step she takes rips the readers in half. Some readers will scream at you but I get it, she doesn't want to give up on a friendship she has invested so much in. I feel sorry for both of them trapped in a situation. Her decision to see him again, potentially saying goodbye, has me agreeing, that yes she should move on, but Brady is her chosen drug and she needs a daily hit.

The anticipation of meeting him builds and you give us just enough to know, she wants to end it, but she’s not sure what will happen once she sees him. As they meet, she re connects with him and desire takes over. She needs him but this time their meeting is about her empowerment and she’s taking the situation in her own hands. She deserves more but she’s taking what she can get, allowing herself not to rely on this guy.

To watch Jade as she goes on a journey of discovery is at times truly heartbreaking. I watch from above, looking through the individual scenes, as she falls for the man of her dreams and suffers as he uses her. This story has engaged my mind to look at my own circumstances and draw the similarities in the two lives. At times, personally it’s hard not to feel a kinship with Jade, as she struggles with treatments, decisions and events that unfold. This only happens because the writing is packed full of emotion, experience and heartfelt expression of self. The story is conveyed in an effortless style, allowing me to join her on the journey of discovery.

Well done, excellent book

Wow Wendy, Ive taken a few days to read this and I apologise for that but new to this game and didnt want to comment when I hadnt got deep into the book.

Theres a lot going on here, her illness, which is very tackfully done, is such a shambles that with all the modern medicines we have as a world and diagnostic equipment that we cant get answers when we need them. I felt the pain of her Dad and that is what comes across in the early chapters pain, loss and turmoil. You have the readers feeling every tug of the heartstrings.

Then we move in to her seedy world online dating - and she has her horror stories, as im sure so do many women but she meets brady who at first appears to be a gem .. i really wanted him to be her saviour but i gues by his dissappearing act when hes not well that he might not be, even though they do reconcile.

This is very easy to read and you must weave a spell because its incredibly hard to put down. We want to continue, find out what happens next, hope that its good and not bad and she gets a break in life. Ive enjoyed every word.

Now I will read the second one
x

Wendy – I know I said it would take me a few days once I started reading I wanted more and more and more.. What a plot, but it’s so much more than that !

Lets deal with the negative first – this is long and since all the chapters aren’t here I guess it’s got at least half again. Plus, some of the chapters are long and I see enough people telling you they are too long but if they had the book in their hands and the gaps between paragraphs weren’t as big as they are on here, would they really mind... I don’t think so!! If you want them to be this long, then leave em.

So onwards, I’m here as a reader, I can’t tell you if something is grammatically right, but I can tell you what it’s like to read and I’ve read it all. Your writing has somewhat of a natural feel to it, coming from experience, but since you’re a newish writer I’m guessing from the raw emotion at times that it’s from a life experience of someone close to you.

I love the way your writing has a chronological order to it. I know people tell you break up back story and watch for Information dumps which you have done, but there is a natural order to how this story unfolds. Personally I don’t see any need to chop whole parts, we need to know her story starts with the doctor’s appointment, we need to see it move on to her new home, we need to see her struggle with the home. We need this to understand the pressures she is under as her health deteriorates and as her family starts to struggle.

The raw emotion starts to show as her father deteriorates, here you handle this with grace and a maturity. It’s hard to write about someone’s illness and subsequent death but it comes across well.

Also, her continued struggle with doctors is a valid storyline in its own right, we don’t always get answers quickly, we don’t always get nice doctors, we don’t always know what’s wrong with us and these are all valid points that you’re making.

As Jade watches her father’s death, this will rip every readers hearts who has watched someone die in this way. That brings back so many memories of doing the same with my sister and I guess a lot of readers will feel the same after all 1 in 3 of us have some dealings with cancer. Although in our family its 3 in 3

Jades withdrawal from her friends is tactfully done and again I feel there is experience here. I have watched someone very close to me do this, you know her I believe LOL, and it’s obvious there is hidden frustration at life. It comes across in bucket loads.

We, the reader, are willing her to get better, to find a solution and that’s what you want, you want us pulling for your characters, you want us loving them, hating them, crying and smiling.

I have never tried online dating sites, but I’ve heard a few horror stories and they kind of match the ones you’re telling us about. But it’s nice to see a little bit of what we assume to be the old Jade coming back as she starts her flirtation with Brady. some of the on line chats get a little long but because they are filled with humour and flirting we dont mind.

Chapter 10 and 11 , think it is, as she goes into hospital to have her operation.. Boy this gripped my throat with memories, some long ago, some just last week. Again the description and emotion of how she deals with this is spot on, not too much, not over done, just right and has me the reader praying she’s ok and hoping she gets better and its everything she’s hoping it will be. Her not wanting fussed over is hilarious, again I know someone like that. At this point her strong character traits are flowing through the pages.

Then we move on to her love for Brady and planning time together. I like the fact it doesn’t go smoothly, it makes it all the more real, as do the explosions at him when he lets her down. Love is like that, relationships are like that, it’s not all smooth running. Once she forgives him, calms down and goes back to seeing things from her realistic point of view.

Jade really is a wonderful character, not your usual well rounded individual with a few problems in life. These are real problems, and she faces them head on but with a realistic outlook on life and a self preservation attitude to her feelings and life.

Wow, now Brady and Jade meet and it’s as electric as their conversations. I guess with such a long build up to actually meeting, any romantic liaison was always going to be explosive. Adding the meet with her friends first just elongates the build up and keeps the reader guessing and hoping till they meet.

As for the sex scene, I heard all about this and can only say Wow Hot does not cover it, but its because of their drawn out meeting that there is such a connection. We were all wanting them to connect and you didn’t let the reader down.

This book has it all, and kept me turning pages, which in my world is a winner. It had me crying, laughing, hiding behind my fingers, screaming at the screen, to tell her to run away from Brady, grimacing at some of the descriptions of treatments and reaching for a cold towel after the sex scene.

Why did I not know about this book sooner !! As soon as my current shelf commitments are done, you’ll be on it and staying for the duration. Wonderful piece of work !!

Jackie x

And When

Now this def doesnt read as normal chick lit... this crosses genres and pushes boundries. ive read upto 5 so far and really will continue ... jade has me hooked.

I love the way this weaves from one issue to the other at the beggining, showing us who she is and what shes gone through. You have a lovely use of language and of your own dialect, I followed it well. The indecision she faces medically is scandalous that in this day and age they cant tell whats wrong etc, but i'm glad she finds her own path.

Wendy - You have me wanting her to be ok and to succeed and pull her self back from the edge.

Well done, lovely piece of work, and I will def be reading the rest over the next few days.

CLL x

So just after the initial private conversation with 2 dance, you look him up and give us a description, then when he emails you call him Brady... but ur still jadey... before you tell us he’s called Brady. I followed it but watch the handles it might confuse.

So, as all online romances go it starts with saying hello, but quickly develops through her need to connect and her reluctance to do it in public, which is understandable. Anyone with a debilitating illness pulls away from life, people treat you badly and just don’t understand you’re still the same person they always knew, just some one going through changes. They connect and then talk through all forms of medium and this is where Jade comes alive but there is a real sense that she is holding back, just giving him enough to show a glimpse of who she is. Jade uses humour as her best defence, it's the number 1 thing to do when ill, so glad you showed it.

The bit with the web cam and wanting to dress up for him is really funny and brings her insecurities to the foreground once again, after they had got cosy and friendly over the phone. As a guy at this point, I’m thinking WOW he really likes her, why else would this guy phone from Virginia, miles away and keep talking. But I’m also asking myself does he just want to be a friend, because there is a distance between them and reluctance on his part to distance date. I did that for a while and with illness added in and it was tough but I always kept in mind that it wouldn’t be forever. Here Brady doesn’t seem to even want to start. It’s a credit to your writing that I’m actually questioning his actions.

On a few chapters and she has her operation and he’s there for her but at the end of the phone. I half expected him to turn up on her doorstep, make that great romantic gesture, and nurse her through the painful recovery. But he didn’t. Black mark in my book and def has me questioning his motives now.

Then he disappears and that seems very strange, after being there for her, he won’t let her in to help him. He lets her down by not going to the first meet but yet Jade still forgives him. Boy, jade is one tough resilient woman, here I think we feel sorry for Jade and want to smack Brady around. If he was one of my mates I’d be asking him what the heck he’s doing messing her around and sending mixed signals.

She lets him back in, not an easy thing to do, and they finally meet. Reading through I get the sense that she wants more from him than he’s prepared to give and for him she’s a prop. By that, I mean someone he can call and rely on to be there and listen to him. Someone he can talk to, offer advice, help, etc, always at arm’s length. To me that’s how he comes across.

It’s appropriate that its Jade that takes the initiative when they meet, because she’s the one who is stretching the boundaries of the relationship and I love the fact she didn’t just tumble into bed as soon as she met him, it’s how real life is, there’s always the nerves of meeting someone you know for the first time. And Wow that is some scene, not over done and not wam bam and its over but it is spell bounding. Its everyone’s first kiss magnified 100 times by the distance and the journey they went on to even get there.

I wasn’t sure, when I started reading how this would go but what I found was a wonderful journey through a period in Jades life. Your ability is effortless to convey human nature and emotion in such a way that we are watching Jade through a camera lens. Yes, it’s a slow book, it builds, explodes, and builds repeatedly. But then that’s how life is it’s not all bam bam bam and I love a book with a different approach. After all, if they all followed set rules what would be the point.

As for nits, you tend to get a bit passive at time, but that can be sorted and watch for misplaced commas, never put one before and. It didn’t stop my enjoyment at reading, nothing did I wanted to know if they would ever meet.

Good luck this is something special
CN

This is an interesting book. Everything starts off right away, drawing the reader in to see what is going on.
It has a flow that keeps things going and interest.
The story itself is really different as is the title.
You've done a good job with this.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds, when you have a moment to. :)

Hi Wendy

I read chapters 1-6 and 17/18
Here are a few thoughts:


Title: Intriguing, raises curiosity
Pitches: They sound alright, but do not quite reflect the story's strength of voice.

The intro starts with a bang, introducing the MC and her character,while hinting at an event which transverses the given realities, and which is brought to life with parts of dialogue trying to cross the divide.The tension created by the vision in the hotel-room exerts a strong gravitational pull into the story. I felt goose-pimples reading it and wanted to know more about the relationship between those two people.

The MC Jade has a strong personality who comes across as energetic and determined, yet able to show sensitivity, compassion and love towards other people, especially her family. I found this an endearing feature. My favourite description concerning her character : Jade was good at seeing through the 'what if' game except when it came to her own life.

I found the story believable and the characters convincing. The discussion of traditional medicine versus alternative methods added an extra dimension and introduced an interesting skew while keeping it level-headed and rational. The reader is tempted into making different connections, including diagnosis, underlying belief-issues, body-image, power-relations in health care and methods of healing and recovery. This area seemed well researched from different perspectives and angles.

I enjoyed the read due to the strong voice, the diverse story-line, the family connections, the medical theme which was presented in a colourful way, and the plot which highlighted hopes, fears and problems of everyday occurrence without becoming stereotype. Best wishes - Ame

Wendy,
I've read to the end of Chapter 4. This is a heart-rending and very believable account of a family facing illness and death. It seems so hard for Jade to have to cope with her dad's sudden illness as well as her own problems. Sometimes life is really like that, I guess.
I think your dialogue is a real strength and your scenes and transitions are clear. As you asked, I've made some notes of the odd typo or change of tense which I'll list out in a message.
All best wishes,
Kate

Hi Wendy,
I started reading this and couldn't stop since the blurb sounded a lot like my own book Rough Diamonds which started out as an internet chat novel. A lot of people told me it would never catch on! I kept the original premise, but toned it down somewhat. I think they are wrong. It does work.
I've read 8 chapters and skimmed through chapter 9 and enjoying the ride.
I have to admit I had tears in my eyes watching Tom suffer his way through cancer. I watched my dad die the same way and it brought painful memories back. My mother has just come out of hospital after having a tumour removed from her bladder and we are waiting on the results.
So basically, I think you have a great idea for a story. Yes it still needs quite a bit of polishing, in later chapters it's very clipped, as if if there is a lot more gap filling to be done. That's fine, I have the same issues.
I can see that you are more than capable of acomplishing where you need to get to.
Good luck and best wishes with it.
Sue
Rough DIamonds. Hope you get a chance to take a look. It's surprising how similar it is.

Dear Wendy

I first looked at "And When" several months ago, and have taken another look at the first five upload chapters. First of all, you have clearly done a lot of work, tidying up the MS and taking on board suggestions. Hard work editing, that has had great results!

I felt for your MC, Jade, who feels very true to life. She has more than her fair share of troubles, and yet she is a trooper. I love your dialogue, where she comes across as strong and convincing. I felt that, as I read on, your story also got stronger, until by chapter five, I said, "Here, is something very readable indeed!" I am not sure where lies the difference, but it may have to do with the emotion of the subject, the way you write about Jade's family troubles, as if you have experienced them for yourself. Parts of this really felt like an autobiography.

There are times when you can slow down, and go into more detail. A little background description always helps to build context, and you don't need to use too much. Backstory helps to colour a scene, to bring it flickering up into the readers' lives.

Take care, Wendy, and keep writing! Yours is a passionate and candid voice. I have upped my rating.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" xx :)

Wendy,
Only read the first chapter. This is a complicated, multi-layered story of a very brave woman. The preface makes me want to figure out the relationship between Brady Gibbs and Jade. It was unclear if he is dead or just someone who disappeared from her life and I'm sure that was your intent.
When Chapter one begins it is a much more straight forward story of her move and home renovation, but I wonder how the preface relates. Did she lose her friend and that's why she moved, did she move and then lose him, or is the preface the ending of the book and she will soon lose him? Will definitely need to read more to decide.
Doctor's visit well described. I love the dialogue with her sister and her dad. Realistic and shows their close relationships.
I'm not ot a grammarian, but a little editing would help since you like convoluted sentence structure as much as I do.
Good luck in your writing. Will keep you on my watchlist and try to get back to read more soon.
Janet
The Milche Bride
Clarissa's Kitchen

Hi Wendy
A great read, really touching and emotional. There's a lot to like here. I am looking forward to reading more.
Julia
Shadow Jumper

Captivating. Your writing is well paced and you make me care and want to read on. I keep on hopping form one possibility as to what is causing the illness. Well done. WL

Wendy, I've only read the first three chapters and I can already tell this is a powerful story. Well-written and full of emotion. Your characters are likable and the dialogue perfect.

My only advice is that you might want to use more variety in your sentence structure. In the first six paragraphs of the opening, you use a lot of participial phrases:
Sitting bolt upright in bed,
Stuggling to unwind her body
Leaving the bedroom
Reaching for her cigarettes,
Rubbing her forehead,
Whispering in the dark,
Packing her new clothes,
Using holiday time
Heading for the stairway
Finishing her cigarette
Making it to the top landing
Taking a deep breath
These phrases are fine, but varying the sentence structure will help the writing flow more smoothly. I noticed this because it's something I used to do a lot and a literary agent pointed it out to me.

I hope this helps.

I really like your book and will be back to read more.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

good pitch. draws me in. compelling and well told...
j
what every woman should know

Utterly believable and completely engaging.
I found this very easy to fall into, and the confident writing carried me along. The dialogue works well and the pace is nippy.

I'm starring now, and will give it a spin on my shelf soon.

Good luck!
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Wendy, it is clear from reading the first few chapters of 'And When' that you are a skilled writer with a keen eye to detail and a capacity to peel away the various layers of human nature. Your characters come to life very early on in the story and in my opinion this is the mark of a good writer. There is also such ease and authenticity in the bond you establish between Jade and her father. The sibling jousting flows really well too and I like the humour. High stars from me! Maria (Georgina's Family) :)

What a lovely story, and so well written! I can relate to the main character, since my Dad came down with Alzheimer's when I was about the same age as Jade. Her connection to the online world is less familiar to me, but very believable the way you describe it. Congratulations on a very nice piece of work. High stars, backed. ~Jane

I read the pitch for And When and was immediately drawn in as I love books with strong emotions as the theme. I am glad that you have not rushed straight into Jade's illness and instead have built up her background so that the reader feels a strong bond with her before anything serious starts to happen. Death is always a painful subject (my novel Pain deals with death too, albeit of a child) and you have handled it sensitively and without an overload of emotion. I also like the twist of online dating. Many a horror story could be written on that subject! I find your writing accomplished and easy to read and I wish you every success in reaching the ED.

Kim (Pain)

As you rightly stated, the very mention of 'chick-lit' is enough to send me scarpering, but i read a few of your chapters, and i have to say i couldn't find fault with it. Most of the chick-lit i have read on here through reciprocal reads has been fairly appalling, but your is a pleasant exception. I wouldn't necessarily even describe it as chick lit, it's just good, solid, grown-up mainstream fiction. Women will undoubtedly be your main, if not entire, audience. but it's just very well written.
I wouldn't ever choose to read something like this, but i'm glad to have been very pleasantly suprised by the high quality of writing on display here.
I'm afraid i can't offer much constructive crit, as it's not my genre, but i'll award high stars and say very well done for proving to this deeply cynical man that there is some good writing within the chick-lit genre.

~And When~

Beautifully and sensitively written, And When follows the trials and tribulations of Jade, whose strength is tested after she is diagnosed with thyroid cancer and her father’s unexpected death. Proteau paints a powerfully emotional picture of a family in turmoil. And When will leave you laughing, crying and everything else inbetween. It is a real page-turner and not to be missed!

A joy to read and highly recommended! I have highly-starred and watchlisted And When (which I will be backing as soon as I find some space on my bookshelf).

Thanks for a wonderful read!

Iman xxx

Miss Manners: http://www.authonomy.com/books/39355/miss-manners

This is one of my guilty pleasures. its a novel built on the "real life" experiences of one young lady going through a hard time. This is well written, full of emotion and despite its serious nature very easy to read. Got to the end of around chapter 5 this morning and will keep reading, as I think it will suprise me even more.

Good pitch. It is interesting, and makes the reader want to read on. I really like the opening to your first chapter, but i fell that Jade doesn't need to reply to the doctor after he says "you can get dressed." It just doesn't feel super realistic, because I don't think I would say that to my doctor, I would probably just nod. "It was weird having a good-looking doctor, as his hands roamed, tapped, and touched she felt like a nervous twit." It is a good line, but these sentences don't really flow together, it gives the reader two different things going on at once, maybe seperate them and add on to the last one so your readers understand what is going on. "Nope," maybe no, it sounds a little childish to use the word nope. "think with getting organized," maybe "think about getting organized." It just sounds odd with the with. You have an interesting concept here, but it is losing my interest quickly. This isn't exactly something I would pick up and read in a store, but you have a great voice and I think if you just went through and rechecked your dialogue and make it feel a little more realistic, you will have a great story. Thanks for the comment and backing. Starred.

Auna June
Catalaysia: The Curse of Five

hello , Wendiann-

book- And When-

Read the first four chapters and then scan read many more until i came to chapter 8 , the core of the story .
not that i didn't find the first few interesting, i did in fact as poor Jade get wrapped up in her new house and she copes with the bad news from her doctor after a few visits.

the read in my mind now only really takes off as she sits down to find a friend on the on line.
and friend she finds almost immediate ' hello how are you , followed by what size are your boobs ';

nice sense of humour suddenly appears into this book, as it gets better and better as i read on, really enjoying it now.

.all in all it one good up to the minute book, especially for those who run to the on- line dating when looking
for friendship and or love. they will relate.

i can see this book of yours Wendiann doing very well as it rises on the way to the editors desk
and i wish you good luck with it,
i give it my six stars in this chick-lit genre.

tom bye
book- from hugs to kisses;
oblige and glance at some of mine please.nearest i get to chick-lit is chapters-22-23-38-40,

A few comments. "Raised in a disfunctional familiy" sits uncomfortably where you have placed it, as if you are speaking out of turn. In any case, lots of people think they were raised in one of these. Leave it out, or find somewhere else to put this info.

What is wrong with being forty? I don't suppose the doctor is thinking anything about that.

I think you need a brighter cover, I think, as i can hardly see it. Perhaps it is my new reading glasses.....back to do some more reading, Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

Hey Wendi, Finished the 2nd chapter...Not many suggestions or comments. See if you can end each chapter with a punch, something that pulls the reader into reading the next chapter immediately. Rest of it is smooth, as usual!

Kamaneeya

Wendy, what are you doing to poor Jade? This is such a roller coaster of emotions. It's very easy to get pulled into this story, to watch Jade going from a very normal life to the pain of losing her father and constantly worrying about her own health. It's horrific to watch her wait and wait for a diagnosis and suffer all that uncertainty. It's very easy to see why she would turn to the computer and people who don't judge her with grief and worry but who are happy to chat and flirt. They give her an escape.

I read to the end of chapter nine and really like the email exchange that has started, bringing Brady in and already a routine is building in her life around this man.

I've left this chapter hoping Jade will have some answers soon and that Brady can offer her a glimmer of happiness.

Hi Wendy

I love this book, I think that you really lay to story out nicely and the characters are great. I straight away warmed to Jade and who hasnt gone through the whole smear thing without cringing?! The relationship between her and her family is obviously really strong, and you develop the relationship with her dad really well. By the end of the second chapter I was completely hooked. I thought you dealt with the illness really well, and more than once I have found myself thinking about her as if she were a real living person! A real page turner, I am sure it will do really really well.

Julia

I just finished your first chapter and I enjoyed it a lot. I mean I usually read about characters that are closer to my age (teenagers) but I think that you just proved that a forty year old's personality is as interesting and relatable as an eighteen year old's. The beginning scene at the doctor's was really funny. I love the awkwardness of it. I think Jade is a really interesting character and she speaks her mind especially when she's around her friend. I think her starting over after a harsh break up is very relatable. It's weird that you're not familiar with Young Adult novels because if you never mentioned Jade's age, young adults will have no reason not to enjoy it! Let me know when this one becomes a best seller one day!

Hello Wendi, I have read the premise of your book and it is touching. Completed the first chapter and loved your writing style. You seem to have added subtle humor to the script which makes it fun to read. Backed your book and starred.
Kamaneeya

i read the first chapter, and it read pretty fast- i like that. i love the way the two sisters interact with each other- its clear they're close but at the same time they remind me of my friends and i since we tease each other so much. your writing- description and dialogue- seemed really natural and not forced. the only negative thing i didnt like was your long pitch- it almost seemed like you gave too much away and was a summary. other than that, it was an enjoyable read. ill try to read more when ive got the chance.
hoping to hear your feedback on Gut Instincts,
melissa :)

And When. I have been directe3d by a mutual friend to your book, and reading your pitches, I'm not disappointed. What an intriguing theme, including the internet! Your cover looks a bit dark. No doubt I'll see the significance of the title as I read on.
I take notes as I write, but dont pretend to be an expert.

Ch.1. A compelling beginning, with just the right touch of humour, and a skilful introduction to Jade and the doctor.
I wonder if might more subtlely turn that authorial paragraph about Jane's looks, feelings and past into dialogue and actions.
Love that wise maxim of choosing battles wisely, but isnt 'keeping quiet over small problems' a bit of a repetition?
That authorial paragraph about them always rasing each other seems out of place. The banter between the sisters shows it well enough.
You repeat clow/ly in one sentence, and filter three times in a paragraph.
'Twould be wise to avoid unnecessary words like very.
Be careful to give all sentences the correct subject. It reads as if Jade had retired a year ago. But I see you've got the Impeccable Editor on your shelf. I've just purchased an hour of excellent professional from him/her, and learned so much.
Isnt it reek, not Wreak?
You dont give the reader much of an idea of what Jade does for a living, but perhaps that's not important.
A bit of a hook at the end of the chapter might not be out of place - perhaps a nagging worry about that pap smear?

Ch.2. I'm happy to be back in the doctor's surgery, but you repeat still in the first two paragraphs.
Perhaps you could bring some of that vividly imagined pap smear into this scene as the real thing? You describe it so well in the first chapter.
Jade sure has a lot of friends to call on for the building work.
My interest immediately quickens when that lump appears, and your story flows much better thereafter.
I just have to read on.

Ch.3. I agree - how can anyone tell someone not to worry when they've had an experience like that. You speak straight to the heart of someone who's been through it with a loved one. And I think all doctors should read your book.
Wow. A double whammy.

You have an excellent story here, and a great way of describing the agony of it.
I'm sorry if you find I have been over-critical, but your book is worth getting right. It will take hours of edits and re-edits, but we all have to do it.

I'm giving you stars and putting you on my w/list for further reading, as I havent even got to the internet bits yet!

Jane. (Breath of Africa)

Great read...
I loved it Wendy.
Good work!

RonG

Hello again... so i said i'd be back once i finished the online stuff and here I am.

There is a marked difference in reading this work, once we get into the online world and her health improves. Jade comes to life and starts to take control of her life, but shes still not got her confidence back and therefore still prefers the onlne world. You cant blame her really, i suppose, although ive never been that ill, that its what people do, they withdraw becasue they cant join in and when they venture back out when they are well, things have changed, they have changed. Cant be easy.

Brady comes across at first as a gentleman but we do get to see his other side. men eh... complicated creatures and just when you've got em figured out they do something stupid and we wonder who the hell they are again. His initial interactions with Jade are as one would expect, flirty and coy, as they are when they start to call one another and you do give us a sense that this relationship is going somewhere and they have a future together, which is why I found him infuriating when he wouldnt meet her.

You show great emotional skill in making me feel her dissapointment when he jerks her around and by god, all us women will hate him for that. She deserves a man not a wimp who will run away when its convenient. if he wasnt always talking to her, phone, email, instant messaging, my cat senses would be telling me somethings wonky, not right, hes upto something, maybe,

So eventually they meet and oh my, that is some scene. I will admit that when she was waiting for him, at her friends, i did wonder if all that flirting would lead to something and it does, wow. Its slow, just as it would be for two mature people, then the passion takes over and its hot, boy is it hot. Now that is how to describe what, lets face it, is the first time those two characters have been together.

I really enjoyed reading this and more importantly finishing it. I do think at times it could be a little faster, but thats a personal view. On the whole I found this a really good read and something i found enjoyable.

Great beginning. I could tell right away that I was reading something that was written by a woman who knew what she was doing. Your writing flows, you dialogue stands out and is quite funny at times, and it’s well edited. You don’t go overboard on description or do to little. It’s perfect. Starting off at the doctors was a great idea. It immediately showed a lot about Jade: she’s shy, self-conscious, and not full over herself which I love and makes a likeable character. Then you bring her right home to her new home. You don’t jump around, saying she’s here one minute then there the next. It all transitions very well. Lisa . . . well she comes off as a funny sister, which seems to run through the family. I love her dad. Just him coming over to see how things were going and to help really is wonderful. I can relate and I think many can because our dads are just like hers. They want to help their kids.

When her friends came by, I started noticing the length of the chapter. I loved the read but it hit me right then that this is a long chapter. After finishing it, I think you have to split it in two. It will read faster and won’t turn off the readers who this is not their genre. You want to attract as many people as you want even if they only love horror and thrillers.

Wow! You have me in the story! I’m not a supervisor but I’m kind of funny and a kind-hearted man. too funny. Overall . . . superb writing. 6 stars.

“Okay, doc” comma missing

“Friends joked they were like . . .” At first read this seemed like it was missing a word, but after rereading it it made total sense. So it’s correct. But I just wanted to bring it up.

“to-do list” second time around. This seems fine but it felt repetitive. I tried taking ‘to-do’ out but then some people might not remember what kind of list she is talking about. Another it’s correct but I wanted to bring it to your attention.

“Hiya Pops” really?! that was so funny to me. What an energetic woman she is.

I like the way Jade comes across in the opening chapters. Someone you would like to get to know. There is a softness there ... a reflection of someone we all have known in our lives ... mom, sister, wife, your choice. You left me smiling ... Thanks!

JC

Compelling, powerful plot and fine character development. Highly starred and backed.

Ive read about 2/3rds of this now, and i do intend to finish and make this the second book i finish on here.

Its obvious to me that this is a journey and every journey has to have a starting point and really, where better to start than with uncertanty and thats what you do by starting with the doctors office. We are plunged right in to Jades what if scenario. I like that! Straight away we get to see the strength of a lady with her back against the wall.

Too many books dance along, everything is fine and bam something goes wrong, here something is wrong from the start, then we get to see how wrong. I love the chapter titles, subtley telling us what we need to know, but not offering too much, not giving the story away too much. Nice touch, and one missing from so many books.

I found the chapters interesting as she gives up on western medicine and turns to native healing, its something thats always interested me, and Ive often wondered if it would be better for us. So it was nice to see this helping her.

At times especially with her fathers struggle, i felt the pain on the page, and it made me remember my own fathers passing. Thats is the greatness of those early chapters. Its not about how you write, where you are, is your character happy etc, its how you make the reader relate to the character, thats what makes us turn the next page and you do. Every person who has lost someone can relate, remember and feel for Jade.

By not over doing it you make us appreciate what we have, and make us keep reading knowing more is to come. Thats a nice skill, you leave us to think about the pain, think about the emotions we feel and form a bond with the character.

Then as she goes on to fight and to make her own decisions on treatments, we are with her every step of the way, willing her forward.

Ive just got to the internet parts, so i will finish them and come back and comment more

Backed this, Very competent, straight to the heart of the plot, no excess verbiage, a strong book with a strong subject just bright for the big strong woman who is the MC. Well done you.
Rosalind
Good for Him

So ive read about half of this just now, will read the rest and the follow up later tonight, or tommorow and comment further.

What Ive read so far is heartfelt and you really can deliver the emotional side to writing. Illness is never easy to read about or write but you do manage. I like the coronlogical order to this book, there is a beginning, not just to the book but to jades problems. I like the fact were not reading about the issued 20 pages into the work, we know from the start something is wrong and its going to get worse.

I really do like this, will be back. Im a sucker for the promise of a hunky man x

This read well. Pacy yet not rushing the main points so that the reader carries on going, to find out. You introduce your main character without jumping right in to the 'action' which seems popular advice, and this lets us come to know and like her first. She's real - not 'beautiful.' slim and unnatural, a likeable person with the same fears and concerns everyone has. Your style is 'chatty' and plain speaking, which makes for a smooth read, but it deals with serious and very modern concerns in a way that is funny, honest, and tense in turns. Good stuff.
Cariad.

This is a bit grittier than I normal read and ive got to about chapter 8 or 9 but its a wonderful read, jam packed full incident, heartbreak and real life. Its not all sticky sweet and reads really well. I founf this in the monthly best books, along with your second one, which I will read later. it says a huge amount about a writer when both books are considered high in their intended bracket.

You write with a realism I havent seen in a while, emotional truths but also a sense that she will not be beaten, she will recover and she will get what she wants from life.

Well done

i am loving the story so far. I am only down one page but i am little behind on my reading and i will comment again real soon when i get a chance. Your book has been on my shelf a week now and i will be rating it today.

regards
green h

Wendy

I have read first 3 chapters. I liked thew ay the characters are developing and I am scared for Jade. I will be reading on to find out what happens next. I have watchlisted you and will give you stars and see how my shelf shapes up at the end of the month

Great pitch - it manages to take the text past the generic chicklit genre and into something a bit more meaningful and with broader appeal. Some care is needed with the punctuation though.

The text itself is very absorbing and entertaining and the main character is well developed and strong. Once again I would check over the punctuation as it seems commas are used unecessarily which can have the effect of slowing the pace unnecessarily.

However these are minor details which are easily fixed.

In terms of the overall length, 100,000 seems a little on the long side - it might be worth taking a fresh look and seeing whether any sections would benefit from a bit of pruning. Despite that I see huge publishing potential here and I am going to take the rare step of awarding a full 6 stars to this book. Good luck!

Took my time reading this and a great testement to the miricle strength we find within when life gets tough. Jade is a wonderful character, but its so sad she's on her own, no wonder she looks to the online world and Brady is her rescue.

This is a great story, hope it ends well.

The online angle drew me to this work and I guess on behalf of decent men out there I should apologise for brady, man...thats not a good guy and the main problem with online dating, you really do not know who they actually are on the other side of the screen.

Having said that you do write a great story, and some of the conversations between Jade and Brady are priceless.

Great work

Hi Wendy,I am reading your book 'And When' and I am really enjoying it. I feel for poor Jade. Losing her beloved father and having to deal with cancer herself. I must say, it's very courageous of her to try on-line dating! I'm a widow myself and though I have a lovely, caring family, I do get lonely at times, but I would never dare to try on-line dating, though I know a lot of people do find love/ long term relationships through the web, it's not for me.
A great read, well-written and full of hopes and disappointments. Backed with stars and on w/l.

Kate Grimes - LIZZIE - CUPPA TALES -TALES OF WILLOW GREEN -ANNIE

Powerful stuff this, have go to about chapter 5 and had to take a break, her fathers illness struck a personal chord but I am loving it so far and will come back.

Jades a lovely character, tough, gritty and brave. Nice heroine, too many are weak.

Will be back x

Well no cartoon super heros in this book.. just the heroic tale of a brave lady trying to find her way through life! Now that is a real hero. The start is slow and deliberate and some of the descriptive and emotion prose is nothing short of genius. You do leave us with the question did the mould cause her issues or is it hereditary ... questions are good. We get to make our own mind up.

Im glad shes ok, eevn if they do never find out what causes it and loving the fact she tried other types of medication. That is an area i think we dont use enough, modern medicine thinks it can cure everything but native medicine was around long before.

Just about to start the online section but wanted to tell you how much I'm enjoying it.

Wow Wendy, Ive taken a few days to read this and I apologise for that but new to this game and didnt want to comment when I hadnt got deep into the book.

Theres a lot going on here, her illness, which is very tackfully done, is such a shambles that with all the modern medicines we have as a world and diagnostic equipment that we cant get answers when we need them. I felt the pain of her Dad and that is what comes across in the early chapters pain, loss and turmoil. You have the readers feeling every tug of the heartstrings.

Then we move in to her seedy world online dating - and she has her horror stories, as im sure so do many women but she meets brady who at first appears to be a gem .. i really wanted him to be her saviour but i gues by his dissappearing act when hes not well that he might not be, even though they do reconcile.

This is very easy to read and you must weave a spell because its incredibly hard to put down. We want to continue, find out what happens next, hope that its good and not bad and she gets a break in life. Ive enjoyed every word.

Now I will read the second one
x

Wendy ... a dear friend of mine recommended this and I'm glad she did. What a journey... handle with care, love and a great deal of strength ... I will take the time to read and enjoy all of this and come back to you x

Howdy .. this comes alive when you start talking about the on line dating Brady. Man that guys a duche bag.. why would you call a woman for as long and then act all wierd and uninterested. Hope jade doesnt think all men act like that he gives us a bad name.

Will read more

Hi ... this was highly recommended to me and I can see why. Read the first half a dozen chapters and I will DEF be reading the rest.

You hit the nail on the head with the lack of diagnosis, I see this everyday and you got it right, nice levels of frustration with not knowing whats going on. I love the way your character reaches out to other ways of healing, wish we had something like that here, but no indians in england lol

I found this easy to read and relate to, there is something in everyones life that doesnt go quite right.

I just started the online dating part and I will be back for that... Such a strange way to meet people but such a normality these days.

Loving it so far..

Wendy ... Ok so first thoughts were this is a book to take your time with. The inital pages of illness are hard for me to read, but thats just some thing personal to me. Then Jade's Dads demise and death are handled well, with real emotion, not over done, but enough to get the point over.

For me the story is all about struggle and fate, even when things start to get better for Jade, fate jumps right in there and turns her life on its head again.

This could almost be chopped into 2 parts, pre on line and on line and when we get to the on line part, we see Jade's humour come shining through, we see her philosophy on life and how she handles herself, always protecting herself.

So your main characters - Jade.. she comes across as a likeable gal. Heart as big as a country, but strong, not physically strong, but strong willed, strong of heart, pasionate but sensible, sometimes maybe too sensible for her own good. It takes a while before we get to see her adventourous side but when we do it doesnt dissapoint

Brady --- mmmm he confuses me. Comes across as a decent guy, caring, loving but then his actions confuse, dissapearing, being un communicative for long periods of time... i think hes hiding something and im not sure what.. something major that i do suspect.

I found this easy to read, language is real, dialogue is good and even though im an old english guy, I can understand the canadian and american slang that appears. I found the smaller chapters better at the start. i began to read this when chapter 1 was far longer.

This is a very well written piece of what I think cant be very far from real life. Well done, its obvious to me you've work hard on making this a great read and you have.

SD