Scissors & Tweed

Bravo! Scissors and Tweed is a stand-out effort. Worthy of a place on an actual shelf in an actual bookstore. Exceptionally well crafted, seemingly effortlessly. A pleasure to read, at times a revelation.The characters are so real! Enough so that I found myself in their scenes, experiencing the building drama with my own senses. The intertwining first person narratives are distinct voices illuminating three-dimensional lives, each on the cusp of adulthood. These were characters with heart that I grew to care about. They were all wounded souls trying their best to soldier on in difficult circumstances. The first few chapters were so promising, it seemed improbable that the story would be able to deliver, but deliver it did. The characters and events never seemed to hit any false notes, I was with the story from start to finish. I was on the edge of my seat the last seven or eight chapters, and really got involved in how it was all going to go down. There were several unbelievably wonderful chapters that sparkled with a light shining from deep within a golden drop of amber, eliciting memories of experiences of my own, describing the same feelings and impressions that I had with a clarity I myself could not have conjured, and for unearthing those memories I am deeply appreciative.
So glad I took the time to read and savor this terrific work.

The narrative voice is convincing but I wanted a clear action plan or sense of one in those first chapters. Btw I wouldn't include mention of 'Razor' as a prospective name because you've got Razer as a mate. She was obviously sharp, so there's Pointer or Scratch, for instance.

I am sure this one will rise like the others.
Lara
A RELATIVE LOSS

Wonderful! I’m enjoying the first person narrative voice of Tweed. In the opening paragraphs, I get a clear sense for who he is, his philosophy, his morals, his priorities, his insecurities… without it being spelled out. I like him right off. I identify with him. And then his protected feelings for Scissors… a complicated denial of love – clear, believable, and understandable. Have we all experienced a similar relationship? I believe it is your skill at conveying the delicate subtleties in Tweed’s relationship (his cautious take on it) to Scissors that hooked me.

I found this sentence felt a bit clumsy. “…he’d had some kind of incident at the school he went to with Scissors…”
“…he’d had some kind of incident at the school he and Scissors went to…”

Tweed often uses slang and chops up his sentences, but at times he spells things out for you. “But then again, most don’t. Think, that is.” This bothered me. I’d either cut the “Think, that is.” or rephrase the first sentence. “But then again, most don’t even bother thinking.” And then, in the next paragraph: “The girl was knocked up. Bun in the oven. Pea in the pod.” I like this, but it feels to me that you take it an inch too far when you add “With child.” This seems too literal, coming after the more colorful idioms.

“…you don’t solve (for) X without the right formula.” Should this be, you don’t solve X without…?

Tweed carries his selfless compassion just below the surface, which he seems uncertain he’s comfortable with. He does his best to hide it. But I get, too, that he’s smart, though he seems uncertain and uncomfortable with this also. It shows in his voice (excellent writing). However, I think “Even if Scissors doesn’t even know it…” sounds just a wee bit too dumb. I’d consider cutting the second ‘even’. “Even if Scissors doesn’t know it…”

“But, no doubt(comma) one for the record books(period or semicolon) It was a nice day.”

I’m thinking Tweed is small town, mid-west, until he hops into the taxi. I have to readjust the setting in my head. (Not a big deal) I should’ve guessed. “Gig” is not used in the mid-west, unless you’re a musician.

“Pops, he could have still taken the subway and pocketed the money…” This is a great paragraph. It gives the reader a very clear picture of who Pops is… his personality. Everyone has met this guy.

I admire the way you present your characters. They’re all revealed through dialogue, exposition, and action – but never telling. I appreciate how you focus on their personalities, digging below the surface.

When the super asks Tweed what he thinks about the sled, Tweed replies, “I don’t know.” I take this literally. I have no reason to doubt that he didn’t know. But you add, “Well, I didn’t.” To me, this feels like you’re suggesting that I should question the integrity of his word. Or, Tweed is suggesting that he may or may not drop lines frivolously at times. I would consider cutting the “Well, I didn’t.” as I would, “Notice I said ‘they,’ not ‘we’.” Followed by “I wasn’t part of their traveling plans anymore.” feels repetitive (before, or more than, adding style).

All these little criticisms I’ve offered are precisely that: little… minor… things to consider, matters of style. I believe if you ignored them, you’d still have an excellent read. I highly recommend Tweed & Scissors to everyone.

Good opening, as a stalker myself I get it.

You know how I feel about sentences that start with "and" - so I won't go on.

I like it. It's got attitude. Nice job.

I read the first five chapters. There was no suck. Put me in mind of Tim Sandlin. It takes a lot of skill to do two complementary voices this well. If this was available to buy, I would. And I would also take a close look at your other available books as well. On Authonomy, five chapters is about as much as my poor eyes can stand.

You are definitely one to watch.

Love this book. I'm on upload page 7 and can't quit reading. Thought I'd go ahead and post my comments, though, before I lose them....

I love the voices of Tweed and Scissors. My students enjoy reading books with characters who speak as they do. As a Reading teacher, I appreciate that you use colloquial language but keep it fairly grammatical and use good diction. My students need the vocab practice.

I live in a region where the public schools are vastly better than the private ones. I realize private school is a privilege in many places, but your remark about her being lucky enough to attend private reinforces an unfortunate stereotype.

I love the story about the ficus and the egg lamps.

Lots of kid’s parents should be lots of kids’ parents.

One of my students, actually, was extremely upset about his parents’ divorce and is currently tagging my neighborhood like a madman. Everywhere I go, there’s his tag. And all because he probably just misses his dad. He might have read this book.

The Colonel Sander’s treatment should be The Colonel Sanders’ treatment. The good colonel’s name is Sanders.

Bullies and clicks….you want cliques.

We agree about The Lord of the Flies. It pains me to have my disenfranchised students read a book that assures them they are witless savages who would probably commit murder if left alone for ten minutes.

In the book, Piggy is spelled Piggy.

I am on upload page 5, and can promise you that many of my students would keep reading this one. You drop so many tantalizing plot points in the early chapters that they will want to know what happens.

Like the shoes broken in….should be shoe’s

Keeping this on my watchlist (and planning to finish reading it)
~Audrey

OMG - I love this. It reminds me of the 80s teen films - Breakfast Club etc but I could see it as a brilliant film, like Heathers. I have no comments other than I loved it. I love the differing voices from him to her and the sadness of their lives - yet they don't see it that way, they just get on. Just adored it.

Cx

I saw this in the forum and I really liked it so I backe it.

This was recommended to me, so I read it. From the pitch, I wasn't expecting anything as deep as what I found in here. This was wonderful. The snapshot moments that we carry around with us in our hearts; the things that break us. The surprising things that put us together again.

In Ch 11, Heft is "pouring" over a map, which should be "poring." And you have used both "wail" and "whale" to indicate a beating. Probably you can get by with either (I think "whale" is more correct), but you should be consistent and choose only one. There were a couple of other things I noticed but then decided they were down to the character's voice and so fit in fine.

The perceptive insights here are a delight. I'll have to read more of your work.

Hi Eric, You've captured the language and the train of thought of your characters. And the characters are so interesting, told through Tweed and Chloe's eyes, Pops and the intensity of Chloe, and Chloe's father reminding her of a stork - feels right for a jazz player. I also like the alternating tellings since Tweed is actually more intense to read than Chloe. Many phrases brought me into the story. Sometimes it's hard to do visual with first person but you've incorporated the description so well into the story. This is really a promising book! Shelved - Katherine (The House in Windward Leaves, The Swan Bonnet)

I love your style - your writing zings. I don't have any critical comments which is unusual for me. Dialogue, characterisation, description - all bang on. I'm going to back this soon. Vall (Midwyf)

ive read all three your books, l like this one the most - it does reflect with current problems...

I can totally hear Tweed in my head. This reads like real people talk and think, my kind of people anyway. I think the writerly folks on here call that narrative voice. It's some good shit. My grammar be suckin so there's no way I can spot any of that stuff( assuming there is any), but you might check the formatting at the very end of chpt 1.

Scratch

Bravo! Scissors and Tweed is a stand-out effort. Worthy of a place on an actual shelf in an actual bookstore. Exceptionally well crafted, seemingly effortlessly. A pleasure to read, at times a revelation.The characters are so real! Enough so that I found myself in their scenes, experiencing the building drama with my own senses. The intertwining first person narratives are distinct voices illuminating three-dimensional lives, each on the cusp of adulthood. These were characters with heart that I grew to care about. They were all wounded souls trying their best to soldier on in difficult circumstances. The first few chapters were so promising, it seemed improbable that the story would be able to deliver, but deliver it did. The characters and events never seemed to hit any false notes, I was with the story from start to finish. I was on the edge of my seat the last seven or eight chapters, and really got involved in how it was all going to go down. There were several unbelievably wonderful chapters that sparkled with a light shining from deep within a golden drop of amber, eliciting memories of experiences of my own, describing the same feelings and impressions that I had with a clarity I myself could not have conjured, and for unearthing those memories I am deeply appreciative.
So glad I took the time to read and savor this terrific work.

Eric,
You are a writer of undoubted skill. Your characters are three-dimensional from the get-go mainly through your use of language, especially in pace and vernacular. I confess to not being Tweed, but anyway, he sounds authentic. He's both irresistibly engaging and yet edgy enough to be almost despicable. It's hard for me to imagine why a manuscript like this isn't instantly attractive to agents.
I have no particular critique, except to confess I have a personal bias for narrative--something which seems out of fashion these days. A tremendous amount happens in the first several chapters, but I missed a strong thread of a story to keep me guessing. I'm one for the old adage that a story or book is "a promise made and a promise fulfilled," and I'm still a sucker for that. But please chalk that up to my own personal bias. Thanks for an entryway into a full, authentic, and engaging world.

The writing and story spring from the page in Chapter Three. It's like in Ch.'s 1 and 2 you were warming up, trying to get the reader up to speed. Chapter three just hums. I'm jealous. In a good way.

I read your first chapter.

General comments: The first chapter involves the reader. Interesting main character. Excellent deep point of view. Great attention to detail. Good descriptions. Atmospheric. Not much tension until the end of the chapter. Good pacing.

Specific comments on chapter one:
1) Your opening line hooked me.
2) 'The jury was still out on that one' is cliche. Consider writing the same idea, but in a fresh way.
3) 'Heft used to go to a private catholic school.' Capitalize 'catholic.'
4) 'Speaking .... ' When using ellipses ( ... ), only use three dots. Using more dots is unusual and pulls the reader out of your story while they try to determine what you mean with four dots.
5) He should be on the tube, "Orange juice ... " Period after 'tube.'
6) "This one handle, it's bad. No good," He said. 'He' should be lowercase. 'He said' is a dialogue tag. When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the first word in the dialogue tag is lowercase (unless it's a person's name).

I hope this critique will help you further polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

I'm trying to get "Savannah Fire" in shape for a run at the editor's desk in April or May. Would you read a chapter or two and let me know how I might improve it?

Have a fine day.

Al

Chapter two is terrific. Clickity-click. The tree lamp, the cut-out photo album, the despair. Clickityt-click. Reason enough to cut, never mind the bun in the oven.

What an intriguing story. I was mesmorized by Tweed's detailed thoughts and feelings. I immediately felt like I was inside his head, seeing, hearing and feeling the world from his perspective. I like him. Sort of.

This is a fresh take on the human condition that resonates with the situation here on the ground in the early 21st century. Written in a wonderfully transparent, realistic YA voice - Scissors and Tweed ( the implement and the material to be worked) starts out as an insightful and intriguing exposition on YA love - but not puppy, thankfully - for we find we are dealing with a young man wise beyond his years, and will soon find out why.
The second half of a very entertaining and informative first chapter turns inward - we become totally involved in Tweeds situation and character. We empathize with his predicament - abandoned by his parents, supposedly entrusted to the guardianship of Pops, his grandfather.
In reality, it's turned the other way around. Tweed is the child looking after the man who is becoming less than a child . . . totally dependent and naive, yet still the core of his character remains . . . honest, faithful, noble in his stoic march into the void. I care about these two, find a lump in my throat as I see embattled Everyman in both characters, and I can't wait to meet Scissors from what I've read of her.
I think you have intriguing characters whose diverse personalities can really work together in so many ways for making great story.

I absolutely love your narrative voice - the characters with all their nicknames is so typical with young adults these days. You have the whole pop culture lingo down to a tee and you have writing talent for sure. Im shelving this because its that good and so frigging refreshing to come across a young adult novel that doesn't rely on dragons or vampires to drive the plot! Reality is far more interesting! Shelved for a few days!

Liz
The Cheech Room