Together Apart

This has to be, without a doubt, one of THE best books I've read so far on authonomy, and believe me, I've read alot. I only intended to read a few chapters after being recommended by another authonomer but after Sarah's refusal of the proposal I ended up reading the entire thing. I loved the drama you created between Sarah and Adam, it was real and it was raw. I felt so sorry for him when he got turned down and didn't know why. The addition of Sarah's diary extracts are brilliant, especially the ones from her younger years. I felt as if I was listening to my teenage sister talk!
You cleverly hinted at a mystery from Sarah's past, but didn't reveal it in any way that made the reader think aha! I know what it is! I found myself intrigued and practically salivating to find out. Even though I have a hunch I'm still dying to know which brings me to my question - are you going to post the rest?
Both your MC's are interesting characters. Even though most of the book is potrayed from Adam's POV, Sarah's 'voice' throughout is very strong. I liked that. She is an interesting character and even though I wanted to shake her at times and scream at her to just tell Adam what was wrong, I found myself warming to her. I hope (fingers crossed) that they finally get back together :)
This is such a great read, I have to give it six stars.
Best of luck, I know you'll do well.
Yasmin
- Guileless

Ps - I'm from Sheffield!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have just finished reading Together Apart offline - and have read the whole thing. It's fabulous. I actually had tears in my eyes at the end - and my heart is made of stone, I tell you!

Seriously, this is very good, Nat. Storie's strong and characters real - reading Sarah's diary is like flashing back ... *ahem* a few years. So very real, I wasn't a Sarah myself, I was a Claire, but I new plenty of Sarah's. But what makes TA so bloody good is Adam - and not just because I fancy him. :) He's so well written.

Fantastic. It already has six stars, but it can have another few stars of TSR6 time after Janny's go.

Well done.

Caz
x

Good Lord, Natalie, I've never read a book so fast in my life! This is an absorbing, rivetting rollercoaster of a ride - fully deserving of being published, and soon.

I'm not generally given to such praise (I rarely ever get past chap 3 of any book on Autho) but this one had me hooked from the start. Okay, I'll be honest, I skim-read the first 7 chapters, thinking "Oh, Sarah's got a big secret, what can it be?" but then - all 33 posted chapters read and still no resolution in sight - I had got sucked into the highly ingenious plot and the highly addictive characters. Adam is recognisable as your everyday late-20s something Lothario - vain, good-looking, certain of his power over women. Yet powerless and humbled when denied the woman of his dreams. And Sarah is the elusive butterfly he seeks to catch, but who is caught herself in a glass jar of a dark past secret.

Funny, touching and tragic by turns, "Together Apart" depicts two souls in torment - bound by love, yet separated by fate.

I LOVE it!

Joe Kovacs
Dial and Talk Foreign at Once

This is way above and beyond what I was expecting. I detest the term 'chicklit,' which for most male readers (including myself) is something written by women - for women, and of no interest to men. The biggest compliment I can give the writing is that had I not known the gender of the author beforehand, I'd still be scratching my head as to whether this was the voice of a man or woman. The male perspective is sharply observed (everything from 'God, he was being such a girl' to the mention of Orion's belt).

The atmosphere of a Greek island is splendidly evoked, and the descriptions vivid and articulate. Sarah saying 'no' was a bombshell for the reader as well as Adam, and he really had my empathy. I really liked the way the final part of the first chapter goes into detail about exactly how he felt at that moment.

This is writing of a very high standard, and the opening chapter really sets up the story. I very rarely go beyond the first chapter of any authonomy book, but I may well do so in this case. Based on the tiny part I've read, this is getting six stars.

I must admit when I saw the pinky cover - I thought I might have to reach for the sick bucket. Very pleased to report that nausea has been kept well and truly at bay.

Very best of luck with writing that's far too good to be labelled 'chicklit.'

Pete

Natalie,

This is a one hundred per cent contender. I'm not a person who reads romance or "chick-lit" novels, but this is so muchn more than that. For a start, we have Adam's perspective, not Sarah's. It's a real moment of drama to begin with when she rejects him, so we're right into the story. You capture the holiday atmosphere just as well as you do the young man's proposal, his nerves. And you also hint at a mystery story, which is another hook for readers. This one definitely has legs, and I expect it to go nuclear on Authonomy. Look out for the thread, "definite contender".

All the best

P

Natalie,

I am on chapter 3 and have to stop for now. I have added it to my bookshelf (even though you have already reached the top) so I can come back to it this weekend. I love what I've read so far and can't wait to finish!

Great job!

Madison A.

Great review, Natalie. Congratulations and I wish you much success.
Nate Develin

Adam and Sarah are well written characters. Further you have believable and well versed dialogue between them and a great intelligent story for this gendre. I will continue to read on but put your book on my watchlist.

I clearly recognize your busy schedule with employees dealing with quite similar challenges myself with payroll, HR, and technical issues. However, if you can find a moment, I'd appreciate frank review and criticism for "The Devil Of Black Bayou". I bring beauty, mystery, humor, and horror to examine New Orleans and the bayou country and coasts of Louisiana.

Good luck again with your great story.

Easy absorbing read. Backed with pleasure.

Congratulations on the fine HC review. You can hardly expect to get a better publisher comment than, "recommend that it is considered further for publication."

Bravo.

Natalie - Such a superb HC Review. I spotted the quality and marketable value of - Together Apart - long before the reviewer. So many of their Reviews are patently and disappointingly off the mark that I rarely read them. I read this one though: all praise to you and the reviewer. I cannot resist gloating so I have re-posted my Comment submitted some months ago. I hope Harper Collins takes you on: they will be mad not to. But with their Review and all the glowing authonomite Comments - Together apart - you should have no problem attracting a publisher. All the best. See you at the book signings - I will be first in the queue round the building. TB.

"It is a very rare event on Authonomy to read a word perfect opening chapter. Natalie Martin achieves this - almost but not quite - in Together Apart. The dynamic tension she creates around a proposal of marriage is produced with consummate command and control. The background is described with economy of touch and the foreground presented as actual, realistic and credible. The emotional drive tugs with an electric suspense. I could gladly overdose on this prose and the 34 Chapters beckon invitingly. I read on.. "Orion's belt shined brightly above them." is the only minor quibble: the past participle shone is best. The disciplines of deferred gratification impel me to hold off from starting Chapter 2 but I just know I will be unable to resist. ***** now with a Backing soon to follow. Tony Brady. - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3. "

I felt engaged from the start even though I was expecting what happened when Adam proposed. The shock was that much greater by Sarah's reaction and subsequent withdrawal. I especially liked your observations of Sarah, then in chapter two Sarah's analysis of her feelings and self-appraisal. I feel as though I know Adam well by now and want to know Sarah too; I will read on of course. Very good and I expect to say 'excellent' as I read on.

Perhaps you'd take a look at THIEVES' GATE when you can ... Tony Clark

Firstly, apologies for taking so long to finally write you a review. I read your book a while ago, in fact, I read it immediately after you sent it over to me. Thank you for sending it over to me too, it was much easier reading it on my kindle. It really made my tube journeys to and from work fly by! In fact - I literally missed my stop once because I was so lost in your book.

Together apart is a very compelling and sweet story. The reading of the diaries in particular had me hooked, I was dying to find out what was in them. I even found myself wishing I had found them myself! It's been a couple of months since I read this and the story still stays with me. Two weeks ago I was thinking about it and couldn't quite place it... so I searched across my bookshelf searching for the book that was on my mind but it wasn't there, after a few hours it dawned on me - it was your book I was thinking about, hidden away on my kindle. I've already been recommending this book to my friends and family - it's a light-hearted book that you can read no matter what mood you're in.

There are a few instances where things have been repeated so I think it would be useful for you to have a read through of it to find and remove some of these.

Good luck with getting this published! It's definitely a book I would buy and would tell my friends to buy too!!
Thank again, Amie

I hope you will share your HC review.

Hi your book looks great, but I prefer to read those books with an ending...will we see one? Thanks.

just finished reading this - its taken me ages, but i was determined to finish. Its one of the best things i've read for ages, and I hope you get published soon, because I need to know the ending.
thanks for a good read
Barbara
Awakening the Magic.

Hi,
I liked the story it was gripping from the start but after I'd read 17 chapters and still hadn't learnt about the mysterious secret I started feeling bored. There was too much of her diary in it and too little of what really happened. I'm sorry, I did like the story and do want to read the end but only because I want to know what happened not because I want to read it. The pleasure of reading the book flew away after 20 chapters and I continued to read just to know and not with any interest in reading. While you might have a technique of keeping the mystery to be solved at the end, it tends to take away the thrill and suspense of the story that you so nicely start with.

The characters are nicely rounded and I liked the dialogues and the way the story flowed. But there was too much diary input and not enough information soon enough.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to tear down your story. It's just that I was disappointed that it takes so long to resolve the issue of the mystery. you could have given more hints or at least tried to speak through Caroline and give her POV or something like that. I still think you deserve 5 stars and I'll back you soon.

Shirani

Chocolate Cake Dreams

I liked the way you wrote a male character. I totally feel for this poor guy and his situation. I'll be reading more of this.

LF40 Review

FORM

As others have done before her, Ms Martin violates one of the most hallowed dicta of mystery fiction: she uses the first-person point-of-view for a character keeping a secret from the protagonist, and, therefore, from the reader. In straight detective fiction, with its minimal emotional engagement, this infraction is usually pardonable. In a work of literary fiction where a mystery may constitute only one element—possibly even, as here, the propulsive one—the device is less easily dismissible as a quirk. Natalie Martin repeats with the reader the drama Sarah inflicts—seemingly unnecessarily—on Adam.

Just as Sarah refuses to tell Adam her secret for fear that he will leave her, the author withholds information to sustain our interest. Were Ms Martin to succeed in selling us her novel, she would, like Sarah, pregnant with meaning, capitalize on a lease we—the readers—couldn’t break, forcing us to sit through her sulks and tears and silent treatment—and the possible abortion of that meaning. With only the root and trunk of the novel at our disposal, it’s hard to say whether all this is a stroke of structural ingenuity or a literary accident. When Angel Clare learns Tess’s secret, you don’t for a moment, given the novel’s milieu and its heroine’s character, fault her for withholding information from him. One can only hope the reveal here will be as elegantly poignant.

Were Sarah’s first-person accounts confined to the diaries from her past, which Adam finds and reads, Ms Martin may have come by her suspense more honestly, through the paradoxical dishonesty of her protagonist. In fact the authorial manipulation becomes more blatant when Ms Martin steps out of Adam’s point-of-view entirely and gives us excerpts from Sarah’s present-day diaries. These, to me, are the weakest parts of the novel, the result of a writer’s almost irresistible urge to toy with us merely to create suspense, comparable, in an alternate version of “The French Lieutenant’s Woman,” to Fowles’s switching to Sarah Woodruff’s point of view soon after Charles sees her, just so Sarah could tell the reader she has a secret she intends to keep, so there.

Ms Martin’s prose is straightforward and fluent, her vocabulary and style reportative and direct, low on the kind of street-level moodiness and sensuality you find in writers as diverse as William Gibson, Alistair MacLean, or Milan Kundera—which you almost expect, at several points in her novel, but never receive. She keeps the complex sentences to a minimum. When they occur, they are used not so much to highlight the intricacy and sophistication of a character’s mind, or to create poetic tension, as to convey—and very well—many-layered emotions. If the poetry in Wilfred Owens’s verse is in the pity, the poetry here is in the love, in the details of a world filtered through the eye of love: the butterfly tattoo, the ceramic frogs, the absence of make-up, the texture of a voice. What propels the reader forward is Ms Martin’s superb finely-calibrated portrayal of Adam’s befuddled love.

CONTENT

“Adam thought about lying. He was an honest man. Straight down the line, what you saw was what you got. He didn’t cheat and he didn’t lie. But since he’d found Sarah’s diaries it was like he’s had a moral shift and he wasn’t altogether sure that he liked it.”

That sentence contains the crux of the entire novel. I once said to a friend—only half-facetiously—that I hate movies (or books) about real people. Give me Aragorn and Thor; Damon Salvatore and Dr Strangelove; even the Famous Five. “Together Apart” is a tale about painfully ordinary people told with painful extraordinary sensitivity.

You fall in love with Adam early on precisely because of his guilelessness, his solid uncomplicated maleness. He is a minimalist phallic étude in C Major. In the wrong hands that could sound much like a toddler beating a plastic toy against a wooden table, but Ms Martin makes him tuneful, hummable, and warmly infectious. It doesn’t hurt that he’s good-looking, well-built, and has fragrant chest-hair. He’s tender without ever being weak, even when an ex-girlfriend makes him her sexual plaything. Ms Martin has done an excellent job of creating a male character most androsexuals wouldn’t mind ending up with—and keeping house for. Most importantly, unlike Edward Cullen, Adam is never vapid.

Such a character is, however, ripe for shock. Within the mundane middleclass world of the novel—a world of poker nights and soccer fans, clubbing and the mess of rough-and-tumble parenting—Ms Martin prepares him—and us—for that shock, and delivers it through the banal device of a rejected marriage proposal. What is more shocking to Adam than the secret itself is the fact that a woman he loves can’t allow him to share it. Through the carefully-woven fabric of the story’s magical ordinariness, Ms Martin returns the reader to the primordial clash between male directness and female subtlety. The labyrinth of Sarah baffles Adam as much as Alice Harford’s inner sexual life disorients her husband Bill in “Eyes Wide Shut.” This work avoids the metaphorical complexity of Kubrick’s masterpiece, but its engagement with the literary terrors of heterosexual—or all gynosexual—love is just as compelling.

I’m less sure what to do about Sarah than Adam is. But then, I don’t love her. I am torn between being the impatient plot-hound wanting to shake her secret out of her and being the humanitarian reader prepared to let a troubled character take all the time she needs. She’s only a little less annoying to me than Ada McGrath in “The Piano.” I don’t know what Sarah’s great secret is, but it had better be worth it. That is the danger of playing with a reader—or with a significant other. The way I see it, the only reason she cannot marry a man she loves is if she’s already married. No other natural reason will suffice. And, as a big secret, the fact that she’s already married would hardly be worth the wait. There may be a supernatural or quirky twist—like those in “The Sixth Sense,” “The Others,” or even “The Crying Game”—but something like this would seriously compromise the novel’s realism.

At the end of it all, I have to confess that it may be better if the reader knew the secret all along and simply enjoyed waiting for Adam to catch up. Then we could focus on Ms Martin’s exquisite exploration of her protagonist’s heart—the solution to the mystery, like that in “Picnic at Hanging Rock,” almost irrelevant.

Hi Natalie,

Excellent first chapter. Good luck on the editor's desk.

Backed. Susie Parker, Foul Player.

Great Book. I couldn't imagine getting such a horrible proposal and her response was appropriate given the situation. I think I want more of this novel.

Not really a chick lit fan but this held my interested. Good luck with the review.

The deserves to be published. Hope it that happens.

I read the first three chapters of this – and liked it a lot. You have a real knack for being able to make your characters come alive. Adam is instantly likable after the first sentence because of the unique situation of asking a woman to marry him and not getting a ready answer.
I thought I wasn’t going to like Sarah because she turned him down but to my surprise, I liked her as much as Adam. It’s obvious she has a deep secret she’s hiding that is keeping her from saying yes.
I always read a few chapters in a book store before I read a book. After reading three chapter of Together Apart, I’d buy the book. I’m adding it to my shelf.
Wannabeawriter Who Killed the President?

A Masterpiece!!! And I am the 300th backer!!! :)

Good Luck Natalie.

HI Natalie
Sorry for not getting back to you earlier. I've been busy this past month with renovating our kitchen. I read the first three chapters and enjoyed the story. It is well written, you've thrown us into the action right on the first sentence. Well done. The only part I don't buy is him not asking her why she said no. After all they are stuck together on a airplane and if he was such a ladies man and a confident male he'd be asking why not. Yes, I could understand his shock and pain, well done again. But they're on a plane. And if she really cared for him, she'd see the pain she's caused at least hold his hand or some sign of affection. Even if he asks, she could simply say, I can't tell you why. Which would add to the tension. The writing flows very well and the characters seem very well fleshed.
Sincerely Frank

Hi Natalie,

I really enjoyed this. Glad to see such a good book in the number one spot. Adam is a loveable eejit and I'm not too sure what to think about Sarah. She's a bit 'off' but I still really like her!! Best of luck with your review. I'm sure it will be great

Nono xx

Just come back to Authonomy and thought I should start at the top.Definitely a good read, though I've only skimmed a few chapters. But I never back unless I can see the end...

LF40

I wanted to get to this novel for a while and now the clock is ticking and so here I am. After reading the first 4 chapters I kick myself for taking so long. This is a wonderfully polished novel that flows smoothly and isn't burdened by backstory overloading in the first few chapters. There narrative is cleverly altered between Sarah and Adam, with Adam's in direct narrative and Sarah's through her diary. The narratives are both seamless and weave in carefully selected descriptions that achieve just the right balance to enhance and create vivid pictures of each scene. I do admire the manner in which the author withholds Sarah's information from Adam and the reader, created with especial deftness in the diary where she is still confiding in an obvious manner and since it's for her eyes only, wouldn't need to state what the cause is.

Another strength is the convincing voice of the male protagonist, Adam. I assume it's passed muster with some of the male authonomites who might have given some input, it certainly rings true for me. Crossing genders isn't easily achieved in a modern contemporary setting without some cliches and cardboard characterization emerging and Natalie has certainly avoided that as far as I can see.

Finally I would say this has a strong general appeal which will only count for its future success. Though it is a tried and true formula it is executed very well. I can see why it has achieved the top billing on the ED and reached it at a fairly snappy pace. Kristin

You have a winner here. I intended to read just one chapter, but one chapter pulls me on to the next one. No wonder this is #1! Jesselowe

This is sooo deserving of the number one spot - classy stuff - well done.

Lynn

An excellent job, Natalie, and very well penned.
This is a most engossing story, I made a cup of tea before sitting at my PC with fingers wrapped around the cup handle, and then started reading. Five chapters later, the only thing that pulled me away from this was a numbness in my left hand as it still held the now, cold, cup of tea.
There isn't a character in this that struck me as fake, all truly believable, and their dialogue only cementing that fact. It's easy to see why this is the number-one ranked book on Authonomy.

Lisa. x

You have a good start going on here. You have gotten into the characters' heads like a pro and the decription of their thoughts makes me feel like I'm thinking them myself. The prompt is great and I really want to read on to find out what happens next. You did good.

Hey there Natalie, you obviously don't need my critique, :-) as you're doing wonderfully! Will be backing you along with every one else. Nice way you paint with words!

blessings,
jim

Hey!

Not just commenting because I too am from Sheffield ;-)

You must be over the moon with the comments, which are entirely justified. Not at all my type of general reading matter but very very well written - you should be extremely proud.

So what happens next? ;-)

Jonathan

Had to read to find out why this book is number one on the list.
I could never write a romance chick-lit as well as you, or probably nobody else for that matter.
You deserve a good review from the HC editors.
Respect
Kirk

Hi, just read the first chapter, and it completely sucked me in - so I'm back to read more. I'll let you know what I think later, but I already know i'll be disappointed you've witheld the ending.
regards
barbara
Awakening the Magic

Natalie
I read Together Apart a while ago, had it on my watchlist for ages and recently put it on my bookshelf (I got your 'thank you' message) and I thought I'd commented on it but apparently not! Anyway, so pleased you made it to the editor's desk as this book deserves a wider readership. I like the title, it sums the book up perfectly. Adam and Sarah are both characters I can relate to so this made it easier to read and when I reached the part about the diaries I couldn't stop reading. I read a bit too fast and had to stop myself and go back!! I'm from Chesterfield, so appreciated the local connection.
Hope you get the success you deserve with this.
Jane (Jedye)

W-o-w :)

I still read that as "Her chest heaved erotically", but then I should be locked up. Congratulations on number one spot. It's been on my WL for ages and I think I commented in the past and starred it so you must have benefited (3 apparently, but what do I know?) Don't answer. - Ian THE BAR AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE

I think I may have left a message before. I like this, highly starred and I would like to read all of it, now. All the best with the ed's desk, you deserve it! Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

I read this a few weeks ago, but didn't get time to leave feedback.
This is an utterly mesmerising book and i was hooked from the very first chapter. The fact that quite a large portion of the story was told from Adam's perspective was really unique and refreshing and i think that's a major selling point. Sarah and Adam are extremely well written and there wasn't one time when i didn't feel the emotion they were feeling.
My only criticism would be that i read right to the end of what you have uploaded here and then i still didn't find out Sarah's secret- so frustrating! But seriously, that just demonstrates what a great writer you are and the fact that you kept the reader on the edge of their seat the entire way through the novel.
This is an amazing book which deserves recognition.
Best of luck with this
Amy

My wife loved this - she's in the bath so I thought I would tell you how much she liked it.

It's not bad ... let's just say it's better than I could ever do!

:p

Please, oh please post the rest!!! I have to read the end! I have been so wrapped up in this story, it is so incredibly well written and I will not be able to sleep tonight without knowing the end. I sincerely hope this makes it to the number one spot. What an emotional rollercoaster it has been. So well written.

Please, oh please post the rest!!! I have to read the end! I have been so wrapped up in this story, it is so incredibly well written and I will not be able to sleep tonight without knowing the end. I sincerely hope this makes it to the number one spot. What an emotional rollercoaster it has been. So well written.

I've only read up to chapter three so far but I do plan on reading the rest - I'm very intrigued by the story and you've definitely pulled me in! Though, I'm going to try and read this at a pretty slow rate because I don't really want to get to the ending that doesn't exist yet, will you be adding this anytime soon?

One thing I will say, that is a small irritation, is that your characters ask a lot of questions. I'm only on chapter three and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I may be picking up on this because it's a bad habit I used to have myself - but I think it would be a good idea for you to rephrase these particular thoughts and feelings in other ways - it reads much nicer and stops your characters sounding a bit like whining/moaning children.

I'll come back and comment when I've read more, but I'm very impressed so far and I can't wait to find out what happens next!

Right, shifting girl/boy perspectives. Protagonist called Adam. Meeting on a Train. London. Sheffield. That's bloody creepy. On a personal level, I'm even due to do the cliched honeymoon in Santorini next year! I'm very weirded out by this, but I do like your writing style a lot, so it happily goes on my newly cleared-out shelf! Good luck Natalie!

- Together Apart -

(chapters one to five)

I enjoyed reading this a great deal. There is a sense of intrigue and mystery from the very beginning and this only deepens when the diary entries come into play so the plot feels very accomplished.

The characters are well drawn and the reader feels sympathy for both Adam and Sarah. I liked how the cast of characters began to widen as we progressed too, with Adam leaning on his friends due to his difficulties with Sarah and the interrelationships between them all becoming more apparent.

The prose itself is well written and skips along at a nice pace. Very readable. As a general rule of thumb, I do not use the word ‘sassy’ but if I did I would probably use it at some stage here.

I do have a few nitpicks and observations which may be taken or ignored as desired. I’ve only written one book thus far in my life and have zero training so I’, far from an expert and make no claim to being right about these things.

-The main thing I noticed was all the ‘he’d’ and ‘she’d’ throughout. I’m not sure whether this was a conscious stylistic choice but it did serve to disrupt the flow of my reading a little, not enough to stop me enjoying the book but I personally think the narrative would run more smoothly without it so many of these constructions. Once the context of the past perfect has been set up by the first ‘he’d’ or ‘she’d’, the rest of that section can be told in the past simple. For example:

o “Excuse me,” he’d said with a dry mouth. She’d turned to face him and he’d found himself staring….. could be rendered as…. “Excuse me,” he’d said with a dry mouth. She turned to face him and he found himself staring…. (In fact, the first ‘he’d’ in this instance isn’t actually necessary as the time context is already set up from Adam getting onto the tube. Everything there after can be told in the past simple. But I used that section merely as an example).

o These constructions do run throughout the chapters I read, right from the very start and they could easily be ironed out. As I say though, it may well be a stylistic choice and if so this part of the comment may be ignored with impunity.

-A smaller and less common thing I noticed was a tendency towards gerundial beginnings to sentences, for example, ‘After walking back to the car park….’ or ‘After squeezing himself through the closing doors of an underground train….’. Again, this is a stylistic choice but it is something of a pet hate of mine in writing as it often feels like the author is bored of certain parts of their own book and is trying to skip past them. That sense of wanting to get past it can also give the reader less immediacy and connection to what is happening. I imagine the above examples would present stronger images to the reader if the sentences were to begin ‘In the car park….’ and ‘Adam squeezed through the closing doors of an underground train and….’. Just my opinion though….
-Another relatively small issue I wondered about was an instance of characterization with Adam. I wondered why he was still so confident Sarah would accept his proposal the second time after she had run out on him first time out.
- A minute point: in the first chapter, why does the simile compare a rush to diving off a cliff on a previous holiday? Why not this holiday? That would give us more of a feel for the setting we’re in. I think….

In general though, this is a very accomplished piece of work and one I can certainly imagine selling. It will be interesting to see what sort of ED review it gets as I haven’t seen anything of the genre make it onto the desk thus far. In any case, it’s deserving of its forthcoming spot in the top five and I’ll be putting my meager weight behind it for a few weeks next month.

All the best with it,

Ross

LF40 Review

Not quite my thing, but so well constructed that it held me long enough to WL for more! Great start, Adam to me is a believable character whose approach to proposing is one that can be empathised with. Your dialogue is excellent and the storyline intriguing.

Not too sure about the Sarah POV bits that I have come to so far. Unbroken by dialogue they began to feel like a subjective rant that was less attractive to read than the flowing style of the main thrust of the action.

I would like to see more similes and metaphors that would help me get an even better feel for what is going on.
Although I am a little resistant to the genre I think it will do well. Have given it (just!) 5* and will see how it develops. Well done, you are onto a winner!

Harehound

Appeals to a lot of genres! Happy to BACK your work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
Sue50