Book Jacket

 

rank 5445
word count 19690
date submitted 19.02.2011
date updated 23.02.2011
genres: Fiction, Crime
classification: moderate
incomplete

Resurrected

Annie Harmon

Twenty years after her mother was convicted of killing a man, Laura finds herself about to kill him all over again.

 

After her mother died in prison for a crime she swore she never committed, nine-year-old Laura was careful to stay logical and unemotional, leaving her old life a veiled memory. She succeeded for the next twenty years.

Then the past returned, starting with a child’s innocent imaginary friend—an imaginary friend who knew too much. Then there were the tulips…Laura remembered those. Finally, the moment Laura could no longer ignore: coming face to face with the man her mother killed.

 
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tags

crime, fraud, murder, mystery, psychic

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1 comments

 

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MickR wrote 459 days ago

Annie,
I was intrigued by your short pitch. It’s definitely the kind of line that grabs attention. Your long pitch didn’t, but the I liked the short enough to read on.

I will pass on some advice. Some I got from authonomy readers and some from books on writing.
First is adverbs. Many authors seem to think the use of them should be avoided as much as possible.
Example: The child shivered involuntarily. Then stiffened firmly into place and stared straight ahead. (I sat through a reading/Q&A with a panel of crime writers. One of the authors said that after he finished his second book he did a search for ‘ly’ and did all he could to eliminate any word ending with those 2 letters).
Next is advice I got from reading ‘On Writing:A memoir of the craft.’ by Stephen king. His message is most times less is more. The above text can demonstrate that also.
Shivering is an involuntary muscle tremor. So is it necessary to tell us. And can anyone stiffen softly or loosely? The reader can assume stiffened ‘firmly’ or shivered ‘involuntarily. Another example could be Laura shrugged her shoulders. Do we shrug other body parts? The sentence conveys the same message and sounds smoother by saying ‘Laura shrugged’.

I have read some crime fiction but not enough to offer ant critique on content but the story does move along nicely. Maria’s discomfort at questioning Laura seemed a bit awkward to me but that could be that I am very comfortable around children. Overall I think with some polish there is potential here.

Good luck,
MickR – The Nightcrawler

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