Predator or Prey

I really enjoyed the first chapter and have rated and WL
Regards, Red

I really enjoyed the first chapter and have rated and WL
Regards, Red

Your pitch drew me in and i'm glad it did. It was a great read and I hope it goes far.
Leslie
"Love has no borders"

Wow this is jumping up through the ranks quickly.
A solid and dynamic story line and believable characters. Some of its NaNoWriMoness shows through at parts, but those can be ironed out, especially if you enlist an agent's help.

- Rand

Good Young Adult story. Prologue- interesting and grabs readers attention. However there are some minor typos- usually in spacing and capitalization. For example- Chapter 1- "how (need capitalized) (could?)anyone have so much hatred for someone they had only just met? Chapter 6 "the (need capitalization) other bed had been moved..." Chapter 12- "Adults could be with go with the children and could stay safe."- doesn't make sense. and "No problem," he answered. (insert quotation marks) I was only too glad to do it." Chapter 13- "he (need capitalization) regretted that he now had to kill her..." and "he (needs capitalization) had betrayed her." and "So easy to say this never would have happened I (if?) the Wolflords...." Chapter 14- "I had (to?) somehow get all one hundred and fifty supernaturals..." and "I know I do not deserve understand, (understanding?), nor forgiveness..." Chapter 15- "She continued down the hall... (you have quotation marks when it isn't dialogue). Hope this is helpful. Best of luck. Desi.

Predator of Prey
Scarey and exciting. A good example of a romantic thriller. Good luck,
Rosemary

A unique style of writing and plot line. I enjoyed this despoite it not being my usual type of book. A good change!
Pedro

You have written it in a usual way of usual novel, but a reader if he is ready to go deep into your novel, he can find out a socio-mental structure of youth in United States of America. To grab anything seeing in front of them is a passion for youth. They are looking after only their own ambitions. At the same time they don’t think that a ‘red milestone’ is awaiting for them.

Joy J Kaimaparamban
The Seagulls
The Wildfire

PREDATOR OF PREY
This has an imaginative feel to the whole of it, and quite genuinely horrifying in parts. You have a distinct style that works well with your subject matter. Some work is needed - to tighten up what could be fantastic - a spot of editing here and there and you'll have a winner on your hands. I enjoyed this enough to give it my backing. Good luck and a good handful of stars to go with it.
Faith
THE CROSSING

How totally wonderful you are, A.C.!! :) Thank you so very much for backing my memoirs/testimony book. :) May God richly bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** mine, too. Every ****** -ing & backing more than 24 hours moves our books up authonomy's lists. :) I want to ask you if you could please keep my book on your bookshelf because, I'm #1 on the editor's desk & I don't want to lose traction & to remain in the top 5 to be chosen February 28. :) Please read my profile page: I had a mini-stroke Nov. 10 with slurred speech for an hour & numbness of tongue still & over 24 smaller ones where I couldn't speak since & I"d sure like to cross the finish line of the editor's desk after almost 1 year of trying on authonomy. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me :) - I have lost 3 sisters to strokes & my last sister, Mary had 2 heart attacks this past year.

This is good, but the first chapter lets it down. You have a realy dramatic opener,but it needs to be sharp, tight dramatic language, instead of bouncing all over the place as it does at present. I can't reallytell you how to improve it, as I wouldn't try such a chapter, but try to show not tell. give us a few images of your lost family, of the lost potential, things you will never be able to do with them again. Then tell us what you wouldlike to do to the man who did this. The opening is what makes readers want to read it, it needs to be better than the rest of the book, and is worth spending a lot of time on. Hope this helps, and good luck wiht it.

AC,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

The first thing that jumps here is the style. Is a moment by moment perception where every moment is a dangling act promising the next to have the same urgency....

..... and that you deliver.

The jewel of the narrative however is the the use of the first person narrative to paint a psychological map of your central character. The ebbs and flows as he goes about reconciling the resentment with the atonement,. the wishes with the paused....

......and he does his character penetrates the reader's mind.

The dialogue also works well: compressed, with the right amount of lingo, action oriented, so that the minimalism of description is not as much felt as it would otherwise be for, the dialogue is the main driver in painting this character

Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

"Tears of pain and rage" "pain filled faces" "Strangely..." "Racy pain" "hated talking" "stormed angrily"
I would cut a bit on the emotional labeling
Why?
Because when the writer labels an emotion, the reader reads ...the label
when he describes...the reader feels

I both chapter 1 and 2 I never got a mind image that opened up a picture, to set up place
A line or 2 should suffice

I bit more of character descriptions would also help, like you do here in ch 3:
"I pull on my favorite short..."

"seriously considering" "answered cautiously" "said hesitantly" "rich, chocolate brown hair"
I would also cut a bit on the modifiers
why?
because as Updike said: "the modern reader can fill in the blanks"

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful

david

A C,
Your have outlined a very imaginative and original plot in your synopsis. I found the prose gripping from the beginning and was nearly overcome by the horror of it. Readers of the werewolf genre will be enchanted by this captivating and suspenseful narrative. I've rated Predator or Prey with six stars.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Dear A.C., I love your intrigue, "Aly, an ordinary seventeen year old girl until she moved to Texas... pretty, smart, and kept to herself, and Mark was used to getting the girl he wanted, he was determined to have her, but Aly is determined to never allow that to happen"... they "are arch enemies who are forced to work together to save their families from the phoenix/human who wishes to rule the world" and "from the cruel hand that fate has dealt them, but saving people means finding out the truth and digging the truth leads them down a path to death," as your pitch portrays. :) WOW!! What a story!! :) I can hardly wait to see how this works out! :) What a shock when I read your 1st paragraph, "my family... had been ripped to shreds: - I was wondering if I'd be able to read this since I get nightmares, but I finished your "Preface" :) & she wanted revenge. :) ch.1: flashback - well, I was okay with Aly's move & new school & meeting Kat & Mark, until I got to ch.5, "bodies were scattered across the parking lot" & I said out loud, "Okay, I can't read this" & went to ch.17 which it left off from your preface, with, "How could he betray me?" & as I finished your last chapter, "It says nothing about joint rulers..." & I smiled :) :) - job well done, Aly & Mark!! :) I have read & commented on your book & will back it more than 24 hours when space opens on my bookshelf. :) I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs/testimony book, in return? :) I would so much appreciate it because I have been trying for almost a year, to be chosen in the top 5 of the editor's desk & was #4 on 1-1-11, but 2 people passed me up, pushing me into #6, so I wasn't chosen January 31 - I am now #1 & need a lot of backings to anchor me in so that I don't slide out again & so that I will be chosen in the top 5 of the editor's desk February 28. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your help. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. every ******-ing moves our books up authonomy's lists, as does backing more than 24 hours & the longer on our bookshelves, the more they move up, per authonomy's new rules Oct 2010 :) - click on author's name, scroll down their profile page & click on their book cover or title & their book will come up :) - then, ****** & "back the book" :)

Now this is exciting. I can see that this is going to be an interesting read. The first few chapters have hooked me. Please check out "Just Out of Sight". I hope to be on your bookshelf soon.
Craig (Bandof1)

Thank you so much for your comment! I can't believe people have picked it up so quickly. I'm glad you're enjoying it and I hope you continue to do so.
I will check it out as soon as I get the chance too. :)
Aly

Now this is exciting. I can see that this is going to be an interesting read. The first few chapters have hooked me. Please check out "Just Out of Sight". I hope to be on your bookshelf soon.
Craig (Bandof1)

:) I will comment on your book as soon as I have read it :) - let me know. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I have gold ******-rated your book because of the suspense of your pitch of "the phoenix/human who wishes to rule the world."
Read & commented on 6 hours later. :)