Seven Years Until Eternity: The Rise of the Antichrist

Dear Benjamin, I love your story, "antichrist rises to control the world, using Satanic forces, world leaders, a global currency, and religion... struggle in the spiritual realm of angels and demons at the battle of Armageddon from the prospective on humans on earth as well as the angels and demons who wage war on our soul... Revelation and Bible prophecy is brought to light... with 150 Bible scriptures," as your pitch portrays. :) WOW!! It reminds me of Left Behind Series & Joel Rosenbergs series all rolled into one!! :) I was thrilled that you started at the beginning of the antichrist's life "uncanny ability to manipulate people at a whim" is excellent. :) "insurgency compaign in 2012" :) - right around the corner from now :) WOW!! - I hope it happens AFTER I get to be with Jesus :) - I'm 70 & extremely sick & have had lupus all my life, so now I can barely sit up & am homebound, if you've read my profile page & only God is my strength. :) I laughed when Lucifer named, "Alexander, I made him great, Napoleon, Caesar, Ghengis Khan, Attila." Great write!! :) When he took Nassir to see all the lands, it reminded me of Jesus after 40 days in the wilderness. :) Amazing in your ch.2 of all the countries & especially China which is kinda like in "Dead Heat" - scary, even - I'm glad God wins in the end. :) I joyously have read you wonderful account of end times & commented on it & will back your book more than 24 hours when space opens on my bookshelf. :) I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - thank you so very much for ******-ing & backing my memoirs/testimony book :) - could you please keep it on your bookshelf, after my trying for almost a year to be chosen in the top 5 of the editor's desk & on 1-1-11, I was #4, but 2 people passed me up, pushing me out to #6, so I wasn't chosen January 31 - I am now #1 & need lots of backings to hold me in so that I don't slide out again & so that I'll be chosen in the top 5 of the editor's desk February 28. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your help. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. every ******-ing moves our books up authonomy's lists, as does backing more than 24 hours & the longer on our bookshelves, the more they move up :)

I really like your story line and dialogue. I would love to "come in closer" at the beginning with more dialogue and "showing rather than telling" like you do so well later in the first chapter. Thanks!

Dear Benjanim,

Your book is was fresh even as I winced at the belief that so much time had gone by wasted in wars and right-wing politics. I do not believe in apocalypses, since I feel I with everybody else will go on. I was a little uncomfortable with the extremism and terror.

Thanks for sharing it.

Billy M.

Hello Benjamin, I think you've done very well with this book. I'm not quite sure what this is though. Is it a novel or a non-fiction book? You move between the two. It doesn't work. I am being hard on you, because I work in non-fiction for a living (for a pittance) and think you need to develop your creative side and forget the biblical stuff and the overtly journalistic descriptions of what is happening. In fiction, nothing happens to the characters, characters experience life. I put it on my shelf for a moment, but I've taken it down. You need to understand a lot more about drama, theatre, character, point of view, (and who I am to say this, but I think someone has to?) and I think joining this site is a great learning curve. Listen to your mentors and your peers, albeit from one who is not getting anywhere in this genre as anyone else. All the best, Sarah

I have put you on my watchlist. It looks to be an interesting story. I will read it when i get a chance. If you have a chance to read mine I will appreciate it.
Debbie Kirts- dragonslayers (book1)

Ben, I put this on my watchlist and am eager to dig into it. Thanks for inviting me to read it.
Concetta

I took the time to read the first chapter. I must admit it's not my usual genre to read, but thought to give you my honest opinion. There are many things that intrigue the reader into finding out more. I think the complexity is intriguing, and also scared me a little. I found the first few paragraphs quickly skimmed details of who he is. Personally, I like to be able to picture the person in my head, they why he was so difficult, who he presented himself at school, example of how he lead etc.. Just a few details to help visualize character. Maybe that's just the style of your writing...not sure! (to new to tell ya really) I have rated the book based on the story and the idea...not on the grammatical stuff. I wish you luck!
All my best,
Wendy
'And When'

The opening line made me chuckle. Although it then also made me go, "Hmm, yeah, sounds about right."

I liked the thorough account of Nassir's life, so many complex details imagined. Possibly I would have liked to understand his mind a little more deeply and get a deeper sense of his feelings for things. But perhaps you are keeping him at arm's length deliberately.

"They're calling you the Prince of peace..." Good irony.

A couple of points:
"I take my beliefs serious" sounded like poor grammar. Perhaps, "I take my beliefs seriously."
"I love my God too much to do anything to hinder my salvation." This implies her salvation is dependent on her works or lifestyle. Why not just say, "I love my God too much to do anything he would not like for me." or something like that?
There is an accidental speech mark before the line 'Nassir became desperate...'

Just be careful at the end of chapter 1, Lucifer at points seems a little comical- "Quite right. Quite right. you take care." and "Go get started. We have a world to destroy!" Your footnotes with Bible references make it clear that you are not simply setting out to tell a nice story. You are imagining a possible future reality (although obviously you are inventing a lot of it, and cleverly too). But the challenge then is to keep this as real as possible. Not that I have any idea how best to represent Satan in such an account. The bit with him and Nassir was very powerful, just this bit at the end seemed a bit less so.

Moving on to chapter 2, I am curious to know the rough time that you are setting this story. The paragraph about most churches preparing for the rapture and not making long term plans seemed odd. What events would have transpired to convince the church that the rapture is emminent, in our lifetime, and not worth planning for the future? I think Bible prophecy is fascinating but Jesus himself said only the father knows the exact day of his return. Maybe a bit more explanation here would be good.

Certainly a powerful and scary read! You have put a lot of thought into it.

Thanks so much for the great review and crtique of my book Sir_Danny_Boy. You gave me so great insight and encouragement. I am going to get right to work on fixing the mistakes you pointed out. I'm here to become a better writer and your feedback is helping do just that.

Benjamin.

Wow, you really have put some thought and work into this, that is clearly obvious.

I have just finished the entire (very big) 1st chapter.

There's a lot to like here. You certainly explain detail very well in my opinion and I didn't feel lost at all during my read.

A couple of things you might want to give some attention:

In the long pitch you write....'he rises to power using use satanic forces'.....is this sentence missing THE and OF ? 'using the use of satanic forces' ?

In ch1 you write....'his father quickly discovered did not have time for nassir'......is this sentence missing THAT HE ? 'that he did not have time for nassir' ?

Further down in ch1 in the space of two sentences you use the word 'popular & popularity' around FOUR times. To my mins this sounded too much, and I think you would benefit from maybe finding an alternative word to substitute a couple of the 'popular' you have in there.

Down further in ch1 you write......'he was the darling school staff'.....is this sentence missing OF ?.....'he was the darling of the school staff' ?

Because you clearly have put a lot of work into this Benjamin and it's shaping up to be a pretty powerful story, I am happy to back this.

Highly starred.

Well done, just look out for the little errors in your writing, others here will pick up on them and some will tear you apart over them !

Sir Daniel.

The DEAD Bloc

How totally wonderful you are, Benjamin!! :) Thank you so very much for backing my memoirs/testimony book. :) May God richly bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** mine, too. Every ****** -ing & backing more than 24 hours moves our books up authonomy's lists. :) I want to ask you if you could please keep my book on your bookshelf because, I'm #1 on the editor's desk & I don't want to lose traction & to remain in the top 5 to be chosen February 28. :) Please read my profile page: I had a mini-stroke Nov. 10 with slurred speech for an hour & numbness of tongue still & over 24 smaller ones where I couldn't speak since & I"d sure like to cross the finish line of the editor's desk after almost 1 year of trying on authonomy. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me :) - I have lost 3 sisters to strokes & my last sister, Mary had 2 heart attacks this past year.

Dear Benjamin, I love your story, "antichrist rises to control the world, using Satanic forces, world leaders, a global currency, and religion... struggle in the spiritual realm of angels and demons at the battle of Armageddon from the prospective on humans on earth as well as the angels and demons who wage war on our soul... Revelation and Bible prophecy is brought to light... with 150 Bible scriptures," as your pitch portrays. :) WOW!! It reminds me of Left Behind Series & Joel Rosenbergs series all rolled into one!! :) I was thrilled that you started at the beginning of the antichrist's life "uncanny ability to manipulate people at a whim" is excellent. :) "insurgency compaign in 2012" :) - right around the corner from now :) WOW!! - I hope it happens AFTER I get to be with Jesus :) - I'm 70 & extremely sick & have had lupus all my life, so now I can barely sit up & am homebound, if you've read my profile page & only God is my strength. :) I laughed when Lucifer named, "Alexander, I made him great, Napoleon, Caesar, Ghengis Khan, Attila." Great write!! :) When he took Nassir to see all the lands, it reminded me of Jesus after 40 days in the wilderness. :) Amazing in your ch.2 of all the countries & especially China which is kinda like in "Dead Heat" - scary, even - I'm glad God wins in the end. :) I joyously have read you wonderful account of end times & commented on it & will back your book more than 24 hours when space opens on my bookshelf. :) I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - thank you so very much for ******-ing & backing my memoirs/testimony book :) - could you please keep it on your bookshelf, after my trying for almost a year to be chosen in the top 5 of the editor's desk & on 1-1-11, I was #4, but 2 people passed me up, pushing me out to #6, so I wasn't chosen January 31 - I am now #1 & need lots of backings to hold me in so that I don't slide out again & so that I'll be chosen in the top 5 of the editor's desk February 28. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your help. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. every ******-ing moves our books up authonomy's lists, as does backing more than 24 hours & the longer on our bookshelves, the more they move up :)

Thanks for the comment Kendra. I appreciate you taking the time to look at my book. I have put your book on my books shelf.

this is very complex and it sounds from the beginning like you have really put alot of thought into the religious side of this which can be tricky. i backed your book and will read when i clear my shelf. would appreciate some feedback on mine; a thriller/Christian genre. thanks.

this is very complex and it sounds from the beginning like you have really put alot of thought into the religious side of this which can be tricky. i backed your book and will read when i clear my shelf. would appreciate some feedback on mine; a thriller/Christian genre. thanks.

The opening sentence is a stunner, really grabs the reader's attention, but then it plunges into a very plodding straight line narrative. You handle dialogue well, but there are too many of these chunks of information piled up. Show don't tell. In describing the boy, give a few striking images,metaphors. Really set the scene for what follows, drop a hint or two to intrigue us, to draw usinto the story and make us want to read on. The opening is the most important part of your book, it is what will get the reader to buy the book or put it back on the shelf, so is worth spending extra time on it. Maybe take a look at a few famous writers openings,to see how they do it, think about what works,then think of a way of applying it to this work. Hope this helps, and good luck with your writing.

:) I will comment on your book as soon as I have read it :) - let me know. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I have gold ******-rated your book because of the intrigue, "the antichrist rises to control the entire world." Read & commented on 1 day later. :)