Book Jacket

 

rank 2227
word count 10998
date submitted 28.02.2011
date updated 01.02.2012
genres: Non-fiction, History, Biography, Cr...
classification: adult
incomplete

Dehumanized

Willie S Triplett

Raymond was cast out of society thru out the years in limbo. He had
been dehumanize from which was not human for it is death.

 

Conversely members of our community may be shun or are the scapegoat
of our society. Raymond became a victim of his own demise and was abandon and
confined by his family. Also, he would need to change his faith threw
starting over with life from the bottom and up to seeking help from
foundations where he could find sanctuary. Raymond was one special man and never given up on anything when he
was comforted with adversity. He was a human, credulous to know that he
was going to make it someday. Since injustice was the cause of his
problematic cases which dehumanized him because he dealing with death. It was his insight that he
saw and was losing his soul to what he never learn to love which was
his self. Destruction which had he lead a path and cost him many friends.
A ghostly past which left a cases of vapors of loneliness that no one
can see. He falls for many women and their lose addictive ways that found to be the lustful life
knowing that he had to love his self.

 
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tags

adventure, crime, economics, rejection, relatiohships, sadness

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10 comments

 

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Su Dan wrote 108 days ago

good book, good writing....
backed...
read SEASONS...

Willie Triplett wrote 270 days ago

Thank you to all who have posted a comment. I can accept criticism and better help me make little change on editing my book. Thanks.

2004carlt wrote 420 days ago

Okay, here's an example of how I'd restructure the first bit .........


Raymond lost his job due to a back injury on January 22, 2002. He was on the job for four years. After his accident, the pain was so bad he was going to sue for compensation, even though he knew it would raise the company’s insurance costs. Dextro Inc, the shipping and receiving company that he'd worked for, could not afford to pay out that much compensation. As a result, they fired him. 



You have two beginning and I'm not sure which you should start with. Taking what you have up, without the changes I've made above, you have......

It was January 22, 2002 the day that Raymond injured himself on the job an unfortunate situation.

&


Raymond arrived home from a ten-hour drive out of Atlanta after a work related injure which caused a setback in his life. 


Both say essentially the same thing, though in the second one we see Raymond driving to his Mother's. The choice you make is down to you but you'll have to work hard to change the 2nd instance as it is too much of an echo of the first.

Here's your original text with grammatical suggestions. I've put the suggestions in brackets like (this) but there are many sentences that need restructuring to make sense.........

It was January 22, 2002 the day that Raymond injured himself on the job (full stop here) (It was) an unfortunate situation.  It was without (with) sadness that he lost his job due to an injury of his back.  He was on the job for four years and (it was so) painful he was going to sue for pain and compensation on the job (comma) even though it (would) raise the company’s insurance (costs). Dextro Inc; a shipping and receiving company could not afford having to pay out that much money for a(space needed here)workman compensation so they fired him. Raymond(space needed here)arrived home from a ten-hour drive out of Atlanta after a work related injure which caused a setback in his life.  It was that the company did not formally have any plans for him anymore.  Inflation had a hold on the company, which made the decision in his situation, and lead him (to) taking a temporary job, which was Raymond('s), only option.  Including, many corporations where (were) down sizing, which causes (caused) economic structures too increase rates on gas, housing, and financial rates for some people in getting loans.  Raymond, pull (pulled) up in his mother('s) drive way (driveway) with his 1985 Volvo (comma) which had (a) sun roof (and a) turbo engine which can (could easily) out run (outrun) a Bentley.  It was a act of showing off with his car as he watched a white man report him to the police and though he took on the challenge to race. Raymond got away clear from the man in the Bentley so there was no ticket involve (involved).Raymond, open (opened) his car door and slammed it shut.  He walks (walked towards) toward the pathway to the fence gate and unlatch the front gate to greet his mother.  She was nowhere in sight to be seen in the front yard of the house.  He walks up the steps (comma) pass (passed) the gate on the porch.  Even though, he had the key to the house of the door in his hand.  He reluctantly calls out her name, "momma, a momma," to see if she was in the neighborhood.  Raymond placed the key into the door of its' (its) old wooden frame.  Lucky (Luckily) he did not have to worry about the steal (steel) armor (armored) guard('s) door (comma) for the locks where (were) broken.  Raymond('s) mother, Mother Dear (comma) was in the house asleep (comma) not aware that he was here (and) back from Georgia.



Let me know if you want this comment deleted once you've seen it. All the best, Carl

Robert Slimm wrote 427 days ago

Hi Willie
Enjoying Dehumanized. I hope many others will too. I'm sure they will as books of this genre are rare on authonomy.
I have added Dehumanized to my watchlist.
I hope that you can give me a backing.
R Slimm
Slickswitch

2004carlt wrote 433 days ago

Also, when you reply to a message press 'reply' rather than clicking on 'click here to leave a message'.

I've done it myself, countless times and it is annoying to send your own message back to yourself.

2004carlt wrote 433 days ago

Hi Willie, thanks for backing Dark Dreams. I'm guessing English isn't your first language? You use large blocks of text that need breaking up. Have you thought of writing in your mother tongue and having it professionally translated?

jlbwye wrote 442 days ago

Willie - your story is in such a raw state, I really dont know what to say. I cannot even imagine the difficulties of expressing oneself in a foreign language. It is important for you to keep writing, and I see you have already uploaded another book.
You should read as many published books as possible. This site offers a range of styles, though the quality varies. Study how stories are broken into paragraphs (they are so much easier to read), and how to vary the length of your sentences.
But dont let the technicalities of writing deter you from the important message you wish to put across.
If it's any consolation, Breath of Africa was conceived 40 years ago, and shelved while I brough up my family, but it was working away in my subconscious, so the time wasnt wasted. I've taken it up again in the last 7 years. I "finished" it 3 years ago, and sought advice wherever I could. It has undergone so many revisions I've lost count!
It's a long haul, but well worth it. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.
Jane.

Rusty Bernard wrote 446 days ago

Dear Willie

When it is something personal then there is a rawness and sensitivity to it that must be applauded. We are all here to get help both in our work, here on autonomy, and also in our lives.

This will be edited and adjusted in order to please publishers but for the minute do not get lost in all of that and lose the beauty of your story.

We all need a good edit and that is why we are here!

Rusty
The Mental Pause

Bandof1 wrote 451 days ago

Life is filled with hardships to overcome. I see that you have left this in a raw state. Let me know what you think of "Just Out of Sight" I believe you will find it very informative. I hope to be on your bookshelf soon.
Craig (Bandof1)

Nigel Fields wrote 451 days ago

Hi Willie,
Your pitch sounds good but needs some fixing. It would be good to edit and give it a bit more thought so as to really grab an audience, to rein them in to look at your hard earned literary results. Feel free to message me if you encounter any questions about the site. I'll come back for more of a read of your book when I can.
Best,
John B Campbell

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