Song of Sorrows: Melody of Darkness

The writing is entirely adequate. There are no major problems of expression, grammar, spelling etc. However, the layout is tricky to say the least. This is too confusing and there is too much work for the reader right at the beginning.

The multiple characters and changes of POV overload quickly so that the story is still not established by chapter 6. There’s an embarrassing bit of ‘it’s like this Bob’ plot explanation. ‘Large wolf man’ How can you introduce things like this throughout the first chapters with no warning. Why all the Russian names?

You can write well but the plot is lost in a tangle of excess right at the beginning. Who would persist with this? There is no continuity. You know what’s going on but the reader is left confused – and not in a good way but tired, struggling to put the bits together. How can this be Book One? Even if it were a sequel it would need a whole lot more explanation built into the opening action. Possibly it would work with expansion – chapters extended or new one between the existing ones.

Best of luck with it.
pta

Superb, so much going on here. The only things I would change is 'animal man' to 'animal-man'. I would also change 'dark lord' to something else. It is too cliched.

And that's it. I like the reference to London in the Prologue / First Chapter. And then we seem to be in a totally different world, excellent stuff No idea what is going on.

Like MC Elzabet in this. She is part of an interplanetary law enforcement team. A bit disturbing to have her killed and eaten by ferocious demons at the end of ch2 and then again in ch5. ( Authonomists - You'll have to read this to find out how this works). There is a fair amount of gore in this and some futuristic politics but otherwise it is a crime investigation/scifi cross. The artifact has been discovered now and the pace is hotting up. Look forward to seeing how Elzabet shapes up to the challenge ahead.

For starters, I like the title to this book as it has a nice ring to it. I like the first chapter as well as its hook worked with me and the tough choice put before Creighton. For w/e reason I felt the majority of ch.1's imagery didn't flow as well as ch.3's (which was my favorite so far) possibly because of the shorter sentences in ch.1, not sure.

Elzabet's vision in ch. 2 was rather terrifying--I would not want to be there. I like the name Mordikai.

Feeling the connection between Elzabet and Mordikai and liking it.

"As long as we can keep the people of Driaahek calm," Elzabet said. "It should be an easy mission." --I might have used a comma instead of a period after 'said'.

"If these rumors are nothing but stories," the captain argued. --Might have used a comma instead of a period here too.

I really like how you ended ch.3.

Overall the characters are solid and the plot is looking set to lead to some interesting happenings. Will be back to continue reading from ch.4.

Thanks for the read and suggestions. I'll make sure I get to looking at those. I'll ahve to examine the imagery in the first chapter and see if I can change things up a bit.

Thank you for introducing me to your novel. I love this first chapter. It grabbed me from the go and maintained suspense throughout. Very chilling and I was engrossed. The only point I would like to make is on the very last paragraph, it's just personal taste, but I would prefer it not to be there, just because it killed some of the suspense and is a little general. Other people might think differently.

Bec (Find Mark)

Thanks for the read and comment. I'll check the last paragraph and think about what you've said about it. Find Mark is interesting so far and a great concept. I haven't read enough of it to offer any useful comments (if I can at all) but I'll leave a comment as soon as I read enough. Thanks again.

Thank you for introducing me to your novel. I love this first chapter. It grabbed me from the go and maintained suspense throughout. Very chilling and I was engrossed. The only point I would like to make is on the very last paragraph, it's just personal taste, but I would prefer it not to be there, just because it killed some of the suspense and is a little general. Other people might think differently.

Bec (Find Mark)

For starters, I like the title to this book as it has a nice ring to it. I like the first chapter as well as its hook worked with me and the tough choice put before Creighton. For w/e reason I felt the majority of ch.1's imagery didn't flow as well as ch.3's (which was my favorite so far) possibly because of the shorter sentences in ch.1, not sure.

Elzabet's vision in ch. 2 was rather terrifying--I would not want to be there. I like the name Mordikai.

Feeling the connection between Elzabet and Mordikai and liking it.

"As long as we can keep the people of Driaahek calm," Elzabet said. "It should be an easy mission." --I might have used a comma instead of a period after 'said'.

"If these rumors are nothing but stories," the captain argued. --Might have used a comma instead of a period here too.

I really like how you ended ch.3.

Overall the characters are solid and the plot is looking set to lead to some interesting happenings. Will be back to continue reading from ch.4.

Let me know what you think of "Just Out of Sight" I hope to be on your bookshelf soon. I am reading SOS:MD. It is a quick paced read. I like your chapter titles. I will get back soon.
Craig (Bandof1)