Sunflower

I absolutely love this book. I read all of it with pleasure. It's a simple story of real people living out their lives, dealing with grief and loss, and, ultimately, finding meaning in the simple pleasures of existence. And yet the novel is so much more than this. Written in straighforward prose that never calls undue attention to itself the book hints at universal truths: a tragic death mask that once haunted the main character, Michael, miraculously becomes an Ojo (the Eye of God). A young woman, Katie, who is wise beyond her years, helps Michael make the transistion from a man defeated by harsh reality to one triumphant in the face of it. Sunflower is a study of character, and all the seemingly disparate elements are brought together in a highly successful conclusion: a man spiraling into despair finds salvation in a woman whose simple good nature carries the promise of future happiness for them both.

A well written, well observed human story which flows at an ideal pace and reveals the flaws and frailties of its characters as it unfolds. High stars and backed. Good luck on your way to the ED. Yours Bea

Hi Cass,
I've just stopped reading after chapter 15 and i'm wondering what happened to Katie? I felt like the first chapter was one story and the rest is Michael's. I think by the time she reappears i won't remember anything about her. Maybe there could be a place where you could reintroduced us to Katie since it seems like it'll be a long while before we meet her again?

I kind of wanted to know more about Ted, it's a shame he didn't stick around for long. I really liked the way you used his coffee cup cleaning(of lack of) habits to give us an idea of how alone in the world he was, it was fairly subtle and sad but got the point across.

I liked the way were were given observations and thoughts from the various charaters, opening up their minds so we could get ta hint of their personalities, i alos like the difference in each individual but found it hard to keep track of each of them. I enjoyed the way you showed the workings of daily life without being too monotonous... the pace, the value of things, it reminded me of a war poem i once read.
Interesting read :)
Thanks,

Terry

Cass, the bittersweet, simplicity of your cover has caught my attention so many times and finally got round to reading some chapters today.

The length of the chapters is perfect, especially for reading online. It was so easy to think, just one more, then another and another. I've only had time to read twelve so far but hope to get back for more.

The first chapter mirrored the cover so well - the tear showing pain, dropping on the picture of a bright sunflower, an image of happiness and hope.

The shift to Michael, and Kate's complete absence from the rest of the chapters I read, kept me wondering what happened to her and where the story is going. Michael's thoughts of art rather than functional steel, the mention of sunfaces and Jess' artistic tendencies connect me back to Kate and Helen's sunflower picture. It's that element that plays on my mind and has me wondering if that will bring Kate into Michael's life. For me, that's one hook that keeps me reading. The greatest hook is to find out what Kate's pain is.

Ted is intriguing. At first I thought belligerent old battle-axe, but then his POV showed a lonely man, unable to face the loss of his wife. It felt as though life was just passing him by.

I like the setting and I could picture the landscape you'd drawn, even though I'm not familiar with New Mexico and some of the terms used (I googled New Mexico adobe houses).

A lot to recommend in this.

Nicely written story. Nice imagery with good character building. Conversations flow easily. One recommendation is that you go through your pages looking for repetitive words. One that gets noted by editors is the word was. Do a search ans see if you can exchange them with something else or restructure the sentence itself. Just a suggestion. I have a hard time with this myself.

A nice, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive, dialogue are realistic with vivid charachters and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

Dear Cass,

First off, I have to say, your cover is simple yet enticing. I could picture this on a bookstore's shelf as something I would pick up and flip over to read the synopsis. The short pitch really grabbed me. Can a sunflower save a man? The question invites us in to see the answer explained, for we can assume the answer is "yes" although no one can guess how.

I have greatly enjoyed reading chapters 1-4. The pace is perfect. The characters are delightfully real and stubborn. I am reminded of Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver, a novel of three stories intertwining. The relationship between the old man and the young man reminds me of the "old chestnuts" story, although it is not the same. But similarly, I chuckle to myself reading about the old man who rarely cleans or does any yard work and who won't let a neighbor use the tiniest bit of him land. And I tear up knowing he's just waiting to die.

Beautiful. I'm keeping this on my W/L for a future backing!

-Cassandra (or Cass as well) Porter

Cass:

What I like about your novel is that the language is transparent, never getting in the way of the story; and the story so far (through Ch. 8) is solid. The pace, for me, is excellent, and the characterization is terrific; I feel as if I'm really getting to know Michael and, to a lesser extent, Jess. I must admit, though, that I'm wondering what happened to Katie from Ch. 1. The happenings in Ch. 8 are hysterical, and I found myself really engaging with the story here. I'll read on.

Rob

What a wonderfully writen story you've got here...I'm already on chapter seventeen and I'm entranced.

Just read the first 4 chapters, perfectly paced and filled with morsels of life's subtleties.

Well, Cass, what can I say? I'm up to chapter twelve and my eyeballs are on fire so I'll have to pop back tomorrow to read more! I haven't noticed any typos so far; it is truely a pleasure to read and indeed reads just like a published book. Highly starred and backed. Well done.

Cass, you mentioned to me that your opening was slow (since I had a similar issue with The Shard). I breezed easily through four chapters and didn't feel it was too slow at all. In fact, it rather surprised me given that this is absolutely not my type of genre for reading enjoyment, but you have subtle but interesting hooks throughout the smooth-flowing prose that kept my interest and made me wonder what was going to happen next. I'm putting this on my Worth Reading thread.

Ted

Hi Cass,

I've read your first 10 chapters, and I really enjoyed them. Your story moves at an even, mellow pace, giving time for several characters to develop without seeming crowded. Your characterizations are excellent - your primary characters already seem three-dimensional, especially Michael, and secondary characters like Frank, Ted and Roddy are quickly and economically drawn. I even have a good sense of what Alex is like, even though he hasn't appeared yet. The narration provides a lot of interesting, realistic detail; the descriptions of Michael's work on the mask are particularly good. I'm happy to give you my backing.

- Ian

It's been awhile since I've read an entire manuscript on the site, and usually we are not given the opportunity to see a story through to the end. I'm happy to decided to post the story in full. Your skills as a storyteller are stellar, and I found the pace quite refreshing. So much work now feels rushed and frantic to me. I love the sense of daily life and the "ordinary" parts of life that were not ordinary at all in that we learned who these people are through their interractions.

Michael's journey fascinated me, and honestly I didn't expect to cry over a fence at the end, but it was so sweet and touching. You get to the heart of the characters, and although I thoroughly enjoyed the plot - it was the people themselves who kept me reading. The story feels authentic and multi-dimensional. When I finished, I logged into Amazon, hoping you've published it there so I could get it as a permanent collection in my Kindle. :)

Could the story be a bit shorter? Yes, but I wouldn't want to lose the very details that make this book so rich.

I finished the story feeling good about life, and this doesn't happen often, either (and I include my own work). Thank you for letting us know some very special people and allowing us to travel with them through an excellent story.

Lizzi
God of Wine

Hi Cass,

The opening paragraph is great. I love the description of the effects of the wind. And the whole first chapter is intriguing, making me want to read on.

I love the little snippets of thoughts from the characters muddled in with the narrative, “People who say they like sheep, really only like pictures of sheep.” That made me smile.
I can empathise with Michael’s delivery issues, because I have the same sort of problem. The road where I live is too narrow for big lorries and even if they have a smaller vehicle, they usually can’t find the road. Aggravating!

I haven’t read much, six chapters or so, but I am utterly absorbed, even though the main subject of the writing is about deliveries, metal, and fences.

I can’t offer any critique, I think you’ve written a great piece of writing. Strong narrative. Good dialogue. Interesting characters.

Starred and added to watchlist for further reading!

Cheers,
Adam

Sunflower
http://www.authonomy.com/books/31878/sunflower/

Smooth and effective opening to the story, hints at something and takes you into the next chapter effortlessly
The style is smooth and easy with great character detail, scene setting and believable dialogue but by about chap 8, I was wondering what was happening, where it was going and where Katie of the prelude came in. This may be a bit long to make the reader wait and throwing some tidbits in earlier may help. That said, it is very hard to get a sense of real timing when reading on a computer screen as the eyes tire quickly. I think you have a lovely style and the MS is very clean of errors. I will keep popping back to read as I am enjoying the characters.

One small thing you may consider and only as it comes right at the beginning:
Chap 1
- …made everything worse. || repeated in next paragraph, may consider changing.


High stars and good luck.

Andrew
A Fatal Misuse of time
Short pitch: Ever tried waking up yesterday instead of tomorrow? That is just the beginning of Tristan's troubles as his life is hijacked to reveal the future.
(Not a time travel novel really, more a mystery/philosophy comedy :-)

Beautifully observed; beautifully written. Backed with pleasure.

Hi Cass,
I've been reading Sunflower off and on all day (read the first nine chapters) and I'm really enjoying it. I love the detail, the characters (Michael and Jess), but what happened to Katie? She was the character who hooked me, and made me want to know more. I hope she'll show up soon. You set up an intriguing mystery in the first chapter. Your writing is excellent, and I like the way you handle thoughts/interior monologue. Very nice!
I'll be back to read more later when I'm caught up on my other reading.
Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

You write with a unique voice, Cass, and from the earliest descriptions of Katie, I felt that I was getting to know her well. The opening chapter was deeply moving to me, and raised questions that intrigue me. What, exactly happened in the hospital. Not only do you let us into Katie's head, but into her heart, too. The story is beautifully polished and I will be reading on. This is a story to finish. I'm happy to have it on my shelf very soon.

Lizzi
God of Wine

Hi Cass, I'm 26 chapters in, and finding the story slowing down under the weight of detail you give us. I feel I know the everyday lives of Jess and Michael really, really well now - you have their relationship to a T and all I want now is for the plot to move forward and for you as author to integrate that intriguing person Katie that we only see in ch 1. We really need to revisit her through the chapters, somehow - she has got lost, but she began the story, so she must be important, but we need to have her kept in our heads. I am sorry if this sounds like all criticism, but I think this novel deserves work, it needs trimming of everything that isn't crucial to our understanding of the choices and actions of the characters. Ted and Michael are fully described, but I don't feel they have DONE very much yet. Look at your descriptions of food and meals, for example. Why are they needed in such detail? Can you pare down the dialogue, so each sentence moves the story along, instead of creating a very realistic conversation which is like life, but as we know, a lot of conversations would benefit from editing. This is intended to be helpful, and I hope you find it so. Frances.

wow you can write. A flowing strong experience. Rated you & watchlisted.
Leelah Saachi

This is the sort of book that rather than grabbing you by the shoulders and forcing you to read on, it opens a door, smiles and waits for you to take your time coming on through. Nevertheless, it's impossible to reject that invitation. I felt like I was reading about people I knew, even before you'd really introduced them.

The lovely short chapters at the beginning read like little vignettes, and reminded me of eating Belgian chocolate; you think you'll just have one, but you can't resist just one more, and then one more...

Really good work. Highly starred and on my shelf.

Cass I've read fifteen chapters and am worried sick about poor Katie. Where the hell has she gone?

That's all I have for nit-picks. The rest is just pure outstanding writing. Your characters are so complex, so multi-dimensional and real that I'm engaged in each story. I could read this all day, and probably will.

Hope your arrow stays green-
~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

Cass,
Finished your novel. I've had many interruptions with basketball and business, but finally done. I found no great stumbling area in an otherwise great read. Apart from the same "he/she trailed off" items, I think your novel is publishable as is. I wish you all the best. I've put you on my shelf. And again, thank you so much for your insight into my novel.
David

Sunflower

1 – A great showcase to your excellent writing. Striking first chapter. The only issue I have is that the last sentence doesn’t seem to relate to any of the other information we’ve received, and therefore doesn’t give me as strong a hook as it could.

Your story-telling only gets better. New characters are introduced and interwoven seamlessly. Even the smallest of interactions lends great characterization to all the parties involved. I like how each character builds off the next one. At first you are jarred by a new name, but then you are grounded by the last interaction you saw and how it relates to where you currently find yourself. It is very clever and intriguing writing. I like the term you use too: daisy-chained. That describes it perfectly.

4 – I like how you give details about a small object, add some story, and then bring everything full circle with that object. In this instance, it’s the coffee cup which seems inconsequential, and then you use it to bring home the story of his deceased wife, saying he keeps his clothes separate and washes them a little more often than the cup. It’s a great technique and it feels as if you’ve waved the cup over the scene and illuminated his whole life.

I have one concern at this point: I really haven’t got enough “stuff” to care too much about any of the characters yet. The hook in chapter one was good, but by five, it has lost its hold on me, and I’m looking for a solid feel of where we are headed.

7 – Your dialogue here (and throughout) is excellent. It feels very real and organic. I like the description of the metal work. I don’t know anything about this kind of art, and it’s not something you read about often. It was interesting.

8 – I like the interaction between Michael, Roddy and Carlos.

What I have really noticed in your writing is your attention to detail. Every thing you add is important and telling. I feel “in” the story, so to speak, and I never find myself asking where I am or what things look like. The setting is excellent.

I’m not sure how I feel about Michael and Jess’ relationship though. I can’t tell if they are really comfortable around each other, or just no longer passionate about each other. They are likeable, though, so I’d be willing to wait to learn more about them.

Again, the only thing that is bothering me is the lack of emotional attachment I feel to the characters. This is especially so with Michael, who I feel I should be thoroughly taken by at this point. Maybe it’s just me, but the story about his business partner leaving and his inability to create the artistic masterpieces that they once made is just not enough. And we didn’t really get much information about the deceased wife, which I think could have really made me feel connected to him. I’m sure this emotional development occurs at some point in the story, but I feel it should happen earlier.

Additionally, although it adds suspense to start with Katie’s story and Ted’s POV of Michael, we don’t see them again for awhile, and so that hook is lost as we slowly forget what we read about them.

I really, really like this story, the writing, and the pitch. I think it might just be a bit out of order, or may move a little too slow for me. But there are plenty of books (and readers) who prefer "slow" and character/behaviour driven openings, so I can see the commercial potential in this. Basically, I’m trying to say that this review may seem negative, but I don’t want it to. It’s a really good novel, and I do like it.

Sorry for the late return read! I wish you the best,
Katy

... dozen things she didn't like about the cat idea, but aware THE margaret would... THE should be that.
"Oh well... " He hadn't expected that. "I did, yeah. But..." He trailed off. There's that trailed off thing again.
What was he supposed to say? Shouldn't this be in italics?
Well, I made it through chapter 37 and this is all I found. I continue on. Like I said before: a really good story. I hope you send me an autographed copy.
David

I love your writing! I couldn’t find a single thing wrong with it and I’ve read to Chapter 10! You have a knack for really getting into the characters’ heads and they all seem very real to me. Lovely!

Initial thoughts:

This is not just flattery. That's not my vibe.

I have read about 100 chapters on this site within the last few days since joining.
Honestly, your first 5 topped them all. Your work is well-written, and tight. The flow is languid and I could easily follow the storyline. There is none of the "abruptness snatching me out of the story" that I have read in so many others.

Congratulations! You get my first all-positive feedback. [For what it's worth...]
Aside from a few slight grammatical issues, this book is ready for the masses.

~Lucas
CAPRITARE: The Cycles Begin

Cass,
I'm back reading your novel after too many of my son's basketball games.
Ch.9-- Jess shampooed her hair. "What gets into me? Why was I picking on him? He will get over it." It's implied that she's being unfair.
Ch.10-- "Nah, more fun like this," grinned Beth. You can't grin dialogue. I noticed this a few other places too.
Ch.12-- "Well, yes, I-" Do a longer dash for interruption. Instead of an N dash, do an M dash. If you do two N dashes then press enter, the N dashes meld together into one long M dash. Then press backspace.
Ch. 15-- "Ted, just this once--" You don't need: Michael was pleading, but Ted wouldn't let him finish. The reader knows Michael is pleading. An M dash cuts Michael off.
Ted looked out the window..., and he felt tears moving wetly down his cheeks. How about: "tears streaked the grime on his cheeks." Or something like that. Stay away from, "he/she felt." Although, I read some Flannery O' Connor over the weekend and she gets away with "he/she felt."
I continue on.
David

Chapter 8-- do you need "He trailed off" when using ellipsis points? Ellipsis for trailing off and M dash for interruptions.
Chapter 1-- I noticed a " he felt" in the first paragraph or two. Should try to show how he feels so the reader feels it too.
These are only a few things that I noticed in an otherwise well paced narrative. Can't say anything about the dialogue because it is realistic to where each character has a distinctive voice.
Really like what I'm reading, Cass. Just thought I'd jot down a few thoughts so you know I haven't fallen asleep. I'm continuing on, but I've had many interruptions from my kids the last few days.
David

Hi there,

I've read the first six chapters of your work and I'm impressed. This is well written stuff. Good descriptive detail and a really pleasant leisurely pace as you gradually introduce the characters and the setting.

Not much I can say in terms of criticism - I believe that some readers might be looking for more to happen in those opening chapters in terms of plot action. But you shouldn't try to please everyone as what you have written is confident and sets up just enough intrigue to hook people in.

Keep at it as there is definitely an audience out there for you.

Shiny

Cass,
Just a note that I've been reading your novel. Finished chapter 6 today. I'll read on, but I'm fascinated that your story takes place in New Mexico. I'm writing a novel set on the Pagago Indian Reservation outside Tucson. I'm enjoying the read so far. I'll comment specifically latter. I owe you a full read.
David Schild

I am really enjoying this, Cass ...

It's been a hectic last four days and it was nice to get back home today and read ... I chose this. I like your approach to this place and, okay, I admit it, I was chuffed you read my MS :)

Okay, let's get to the nitty-gritty ... not my usual genre but I've read much on here that isn't. I must say I'm affected by your ability to make 'normal, everyday' life appear interesting (displays the talent of a good writer) and I was also drawn in by the fact that two of your characters - Michael and Jess - are the names of myself and my 'new' wife - weird. 'Coincidence?' he thinks or ... Anyway, the fact that I'm also a Capricorn is beside the point :D (She's a virgo - which makes her much less like your Jess ;)) .. Your Michael, on the other hand, is very like me!

I've read 18 chapters and I am VERY impressed by this. It has held my complete attention and it is the perfect read to wind down to. I'm going to read on because you have captivated my imagination ... from Ted's 'proposal' to Michael to the scene in the restaurant ... this reader is dying to know what's going to happen!

I love the dialogue with Munderson (I think that's right) and I can picture the chaos and campiness .. made me laugh out loud.

Michael and Jess' (apostrophe?) relationship is VERY real and I'm going to enjoy finishing this.

All the best with it.

Michael ;) x

A return review - long overdue, I know. I did start reading your book ages ago and then got bogged down with other stuff. I enjoyed what I read then, and I enjoyed what I read today. When I crit, I’m always accompanied by my inner perfectionistic editor (who seems to have permanent PMT) but today I told her to shut up and go away. Yes, there were a few points I picked up on (two “she had”s in the second paragraph for instance) but they were minor and your voice took over. Staying on my WL and hopefully I’ll be able to work my way through the whole thing over Xmas.

Good ending, and endings aren't easy...and it's nearly good all the way through. You have some slack to play with, so I would suggest a drastic prune. Just go through and cut out some unnecessary padding. When you've done that you will have a really great book here. Good luck ( and cheer up!)

Hi Cass,
I've read the first few chapters of your novel and I'm sorry I haven't had time to read more.
It's a good concept and the writing is solid - perfect ingredients for a novel.

I'm starring this now and will pop it on my shelf as soon as there's space.

Good luck!
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Hello , vividly and laconically realised one has a complete sense of a discontented woman who hates her job , who appears to be moving into sinister territory , with the message 'Your turn' - very good.Would you be able to look at the first chapter of my novel 'A Buccaneer' which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century and includes lost love , the Great Plague of London , a five handed duel , beautiful Spanish ladies and much more , watchlisted and starred , with best wishes from Strachan Gordon

This is beautiful writing. There isn't anything fancy to this, just a great story, filled with very real characters. I felt like I'd picked it up in a shop. I'm not one to read much literary fiction but this one really resonated with me. I think it's worthy to be out there in the world. Pure and honest writing. Nice job.

Starred for now and I'll shelve it sometime soon!
Missy

I just finished your wonderful story!! Sunflower is truly a lovely literary work of art.

It's really good, Cass. Really, really a good story. Please let me know if you publish this. I love good books and I have several large bookcases, including one I am particularly fond of that my father had built years and years ago. My favorite books go in that book case. I will put Sunflower in that bookcase because that's where it belongs (when it isn't being read)! Please put me on your list of people to notify when you publish this.

It's a good length, as it is a story to be savored. Your character development is brilliant. Michael is a man well worth knowing, and caring about. It was a privilege to go along with him for a piece of his journey!

Wishing you all the very best with this masterpiece,
Judy

Just read first 12 chapters. For some reason i've taken ages to get round to reading this, though it's been on my WL. I'm glad i did eventually get to read it. I was fascinated by the long pitch, and primed for a good human drama, and that was what i got. Nothing flashy or show-offy, just good, well written and developed characters. I particularly liked Ted for some reason. He instantly felt like he was going to be the lynchpin of the story. I did want things to get moving a little more at times, for the plot to really get going, but everytime i thought this, i quickly forgot it because i was enjoying the characters so much. I read 12 chapters after planning to read 2-3, and will be back to read more. Highly starred.

Fully realized world. Very real. Good stuff.

I stopped critiquing after chapter twenty seven because I'm just out of time, but I've read the through chapter forty-four and I highly recommend this book!

Before I get into generalizations about Sunflower, there are a couple of questions.

The first is that I don't know how I missed this, but I either missed it or there's a problem. On the day that Ted dies, I thought that was the first day that Jess worked the fair, so she was going to have lunch with Marcus the following day, when he was going to do the photo shoot. But it seems that Jess has lunch with Marcus, who can't do the photo shoot due to the wind, and this is the same day that Ted drives over Michael's paint, and also it's the same day Michael takes the sunfaces to Albuquerque, and the same day he calls Alex. It seems that ought to have taken two days, but I can't remember seeing a division of days. It seems like Ted driving over the paint, going into town, getting his vanilla ice cream, finding out the easement already exists, and Michael going to Albuquerque with the sunfaces, calling Alex, and having an argument with Ken, plus Jess working the first day at the fair are all one day. And the next day would be the day Jess would have lunch with Marcus, and on that day he would have tried to do a photo shoot with the tortilla ladies but it was too windy. But it all seems to be happening on one day. Am I confused? I could be.

Second is that Michael seemed very level-headed so I didn't see why he blamed himself for Ted's death. This is obviously a central part of Michael's story, but I didn't get what there was in his personality, or in his history, that would make him feel that it was his fault. It was very believable, though. A quiet guy who generally tended to not defend himself, who suffered disappointments quietly and privately, who didn't reach out to others, who stifled any anger he felt just about as quickly as it surfaced. But still, it wasn't his fault... Then I got it. Michael seems to be in the process of cracking up. Beautifully done! Very real. I applaud your deft ability to draw this out and have his outlook changing, growing more familiar, becoming a part of who he is. As he slowly loses his mind. Brilliant!

Third, I kept thinking it was a shame Michael allowed Jess to take over his life to such a degree that he has to walk on egg shells in his own home half the time. (But I realized that real life was often that way! And, Jess's irritability reminded me (unpleasantly) of my own irritability -- Ouch!!)

Fourth - I had a very hard time with the frequency with which Beth used the word "kiddo" it got to the point where it was driving me nuts. And I haven't felt this way about anything else in this story.

***

The story has a fairly slow pace, as books go these days, but that isn't a problem at all with something as well-written as Sunflower. In fact, it's a pleasure, being able to spend more time with such a good story. As a reader on Authonomy, I think sometimes I want to "Get Through" a manuscript quickly because I feel pressure to get on to the next book. I allowed that feeling to get in my way for a bit during reading Sunflower, but then I came back to my senses and just enjoyed this powerful, beautifully written story from a tremendously talented writer.

I don't know how this would read to a young adult, but anyone over thirty should enjoy this immensely. There are so many casual references to life the way it is now and life the way it was when it was slower and more sane -- or seemingly more sane. When I was a kid. The pace of the book reflects, to me, the pace life used to be. before "multi-tasking" became something good, rather than someone being over worked.

As Michael is an artist, his work unfolding at a genuine and believable pace, so the book unfolds. There is time here, in Sunflower. Time to get to know the people - their strengths and endearing qualities as well as their frustrating shortcomings. And time, too, to learn the landscape, which is lovely and inviting. I have never been in the Southwestern United States, but I can readily bring up landscapes based on this writing which is so evocative that I find myself trying to figure out how we can afford to take a trip to Albuquerque sometime soon!

There is also a large helping, ever so gently and quietly offered, of philosophies on how life ought or ought not to be lived. A true gem of a book, and one I'd like to have a hard copy of for my shelf, as well as several copies to give to my more thoughtful reading friends.

Cass, I wish you all the best with this. I think it is truly a literary masterpiece, as well as an artistic product born of love for the craft of truly communicating.

With warmest regards,
Judy

Great opening chapter - I'm intrigued!
Also love the title - I shall be reading more.
Penny

This is a wonderful read. The dialogue is so good: sharp, clear, convincing - I can hear it. The internal dialogue works well too, very genuine and appealing. These characters feel real, well shaded. Wonderful. I wish you all the best with this. Highly rated and on my WL. Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

The way you switch POVs is so smooth I hardly notice it, and wouldn't at all if I wasn't thinking in the back of my thoughts, "oh, yes, I'm supposed to make a note of it if there is anything that seems amiss." Your writing, and I've already said it, is a pleasure to read. It is smooth as can be.

***

As usual, lovely.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Again, so well written. I'm going to stop commenting on chapters where there aren't any possible problems. This is a pleasure to read, Cass.

I'm off to make dinner, will be back soon.

Cheers!
Judy

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

I like "yarking"!

***

Glad to be back with Sunflower!

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

I'm frustrated that Michael doesn't stand up for himself more...

***

You said something about the pace of this being slow. I think it's lovely. You've provided the opportunity to really become involved in Michael's life. I haven't forgotten Katie, and I'm still curious about her, but Michael's life and troubles are interesting and he is a very likable character. I'm thoroughly enjoying this, Cass.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Another beautifully written chapter. Too bad for Michael that Jess is so grumpy! It's so hard to walk on egg shells, which he has to do most of the time with her.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

In the paragraph that begins "It looked as if he had judged it just right..." I already understood what he had judged just right based on the last sentence in the previous paragraph, which reads "Using a stick, he stirred the remains of the paint in the bucket." So the second half of the sentence that began "It looked as if..." is, to me, redundant.

Currently it reads:

"... Using a stick, he stirred the remains of the paint in the bucket.

"It looked as if he had judged it just right; he had bought just the right amount for the job."

The first paragraph is small, and the second one could be included with the first, and "he had bought just the right amount for the job" could be deleted.

The entire paragraph would then read:

"Michael ran his cloth over the bars, feeling the sun warming his back as he went. By the time he finished doing that, he figured it was warm enough to start with the painting. Using a stick, he stirred the remains of the paint in the bucket. It looked as if he had judged it just right. Having a lot of paint left over, especially a strange color like this one, would just have been a waste, but he had wanted to be sure not to run out midway. Needing to go get another batch mixed would have been a sure recipe for a mismatch on the color. Michael steadied the paint cup on the ground between his feet and poured the paint into it carefully, then screwed on the air gun top."

.... Now that I've typed this out, it's brought back a memory of already having this information, about being sure to match the colors, which makes this part redundant. I know I had a break between today's reading and the first twenty-one chapters, but I do remember reading something about Michael thinking about wanting to be sure the paint matched, and thinking that if he had to have a second batch mixed, he'd put one batch on one wall in the far corner, and then the second mixed batch around the corner from the first, so that if there was a color discrepancy it wouldn't be near the house, nor on the same fence wall, side by side, so it would be less noticeable.

Just finished chapter 25, and have to stop, there's ANOTHER thunder storm....

Back for chapter twenty -six soon..... Very good writing, Cass. This is a pleasure to read.

Cheers!
Judy

Hello Cass. Thanks for your kind words about my book. I read the first 3 chapters of Sunflower and was very impressed.

This work is fantastic - very well done. I was pulled right in, cared about the characters, was never unsure about what was being said/implied/referred to. And best of all, the art in the work is perfect. The beautiful devices you use stand out and make it shine.

Here are some details I took down while reading:

--Good use of interior dialogue being in dialogue with the narration. Firmly sets the voice you use for narration into the head of the character.

--The wind making everything worse bit is great.

--'to be clean only right after being shorn.' I get an urge to add something about how filthy they can really be - a detail that puts the icky right into the reader's senses.

--'Coming as it had from a woman who was standing underneath a gently spinning mobile featuring animals made of pure white silk, Michael had been unsure how to feel about this.' I have an urge to break this sentence up into smaller pieces.

--I'm guessing the lack of indents in some paragraphs is intentional...

--Sheep Shop Shirley, rusting in a charming way. Nice beatific additions, really touches on the intimate.

--'The driver swung out of the cab and looked at the gate.' Maybe it's just me but that little jump forward in time isn't transparent. It seems like Michael is telling the driver how to do it, then the driver immediately is done, and I have to go 'oh, because it already happened, okay'. I feel silly saying it because I'm sure it's meant to be totally transparent, but it wasn't for me so I thought it pertinent to mention.

--There's a lot of superb crafting at work here. Just the way Michael has to 'jerk out of his thoughts' after that bit of exposition in chapter 3, making the pause in pace fit neatly in, for instance. Or the way the driver wishes him luck with his art, a nice double-entendre there wrapping the chapter perfectly.


What I've read so far is excellent, I'm shelving this book immediately. Great stuff!

-Throck

What a great opening sentence and paragraph, Cass. And the fine writing continues througth the first few chapters I've read so far. I will offer some minor suggestions but first want to continue reading
Barina
Fifth Season (Jonathan Barrett)

What a great opening sentence and paragraph, Cass. And the fine writing continues througth the first few chapters I've read so far. I will offer some minor suggestions but first want to continue reading
Barina
Fifth Season (Jonathan Barrett)