Fragments of Lily

I particularly liked the descriptive writing in this. You have a special talent there, to be sure.

Fragments of Lily

Welcome back Sarah, this is beautiful writing and you must keep on with it, melodic, rhythmic, powerful. You take us into this familiar world and you describe it so vividly I saw it with fresh eyes. Gripping writing, should be higher in the charts, best of luck - Andrew W.

Gripping and vividly written opening - the storm is tangible - then the heart-stopping moment when she talks to her mother. This all pulls in the reader before you go on to the more leisurely descriptions. These, you have a talent for - the churning of the sea, the flowers like confetti. There are a lot of secrets slowly unfolding, which keep me reading. You also deal very convincingly with the difficult issue of the terminal illness of a close relative. Oh, and I like how you explain parts of the past by using Lily's notebook.

Some suggestions to take or leave: Chapter 1 3rd paragraph - maybe don't use terrified and terror together. 'no warning." She grumbled' (no warning," she grumbled.) 'The hotel room (where) she'd been staying'. 'No matter (what) I am doing'. 'Someone behind her was weeping silently into a tissue' (Someone behind her wept quietly/softly into a tissue). You might have a few less sentences that begin with 'She' in places (but that could just be me fussing over nothing).

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

Fragments of Lily

Welcome back Sarah, this is beautiful writing and you must keep on with it, melodic, rhythmic, powerful. You take us into this familiar world and you describe it so vividly I saw it with fresh eyes. Gripping writing, should be higher in the charts, best of luck - Andrew W.

This seems to me like a good read; and I hope to have time to return and read on. Good luck with it

I particularly liked the descriptive writing in this. You have a special talent there, to be sure.

A touching opening. Good luck.

Thank you for you comments - they really give me hope!! I agree with what you have said and I will be making the appropriate changes as soon as possible. No, you weren't being fussy. I wondered the same things myself.

Gripping and vividly written opening - the storm is tangible - then the heart-stopping moment when she talks to her mother. This all pulls in the reader before you go on to the more leisurely descriptions. These, you have a talent for - the churning of the sea, the flowers like confetti. There are a lot of secrets slowly unfolding, which keep me reading. You also deal very convincingly with the difficult issue of the terminal illness of a close relative. Oh, and I like how you explain parts of the past by using Lily's notebook.

Some suggestions to take or leave: Chapter 1 3rd paragraph - maybe don't use terrified and terror together. 'no warning." She grumbled' (no warning," she grumbled.) 'The hotel room (where) she'd been staying'. 'No matter (what) I am doing'. 'Someone behind her was weeping silently into a tissue' (Someone behind her wept quietly/softly into a tissue). You might have a few less sentences that begin with 'She' in places (but that could just be me fussing over nothing).

I agree Vector.

Very good, I'm not a big romance fan but this one caught my attention. I would like to read it very much, It has an intriguing storyline and main character.