The Devil's Fan Club

Hi Mark,

Like the premise and your 'voice'. Have rated this book, but want to take some time reading it before commenting more fully. Would recommend this book to anyone who savours a good tale well told just on the few chapters I've read. I particularly like the conflict between James and his parents, the hinted at worry from his mother, the hatred from James that seems to have no reason (thus far) other than rebellion against his upbringing. You tell this in the background through his inner thoughts, the actions of his mother. What is the source of this anger? Is it his preacher father? I don't know, but I'm going to keep reading to find out.

Very well-written Mark.

Brett

For all who like to read the trailing comet-tails of comments - if you're looking to be freaked out in a tasteful, literary way (on every imaginable front) then look no further, ''The Devil's Fan Club' is the means.

Very slick, Mark, and kudos for such beautiful writing that even my squeamish self wanted to read more :)

Kelsey

The Devil’s Fan Club
by Mark Kirkbride

Hi Mark, Wow, what a sensational ms you’ve crafted!
I’ve only read the first two chapters so far, but seriously, I was hooked from the very first paragraph. The prose is fluent and the storyline is gripping (weird as it sounds, I actually felt as though I were there!).
Is the ms almost complete? I’m sure there are many Authonomy members who are itching to read more.
One more question: Why is this ms not already on an Editors desk? :-)
Six stars and on my watchlist for now (but only until I have space on my bookshelf).
Can’t wait to read further.
Best of luck.

Veronica Peace
Fake it ‘til you make it (incomplete ms)
Three Broads and a Broomstick (ms undergoing initial editing)
My Island Home (children’s picture book)

What a first scene! And the last line, KILLER! As in "awesome". I seriously yelled out loud when you jolted me right out of my bed with that last line. His parents. Wow! I honestly didn't see it coming. Very creepy and well thought out. You had me right away and I couldn't let go of the chapter.

But is it the first scene? Or did you give us a few middle chapters?

No critiques. I think it is perfect just the way it is. Thank you so much for not having an onslaught of grammatical errors. Let's get this one published. Bigs stars!

Wow! I've read through chapter one and it was great!

Your intelligence shines through in your writing style and is totally captivating to a reader like myself.

The 'murder' scene was written beautifully--as strange as that sounds.

The last line was so hard-hitting. Fantastic ending to a great opening chapter.

I will be backing soon. For sure. For now 6 stars.

I can't wait to read more.

Hayley

Better late than never I suppose. I'm not really good at picking out small grammar or spelling errors so I will just tell you what I think so far. :) It's very gritty (at least to me) but I really like it that way. You captured my attention from the very first paragraph and I couldn't stop reading until there was no more of it to read. There was nothing I did not like and you did a very good job. Please keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of it someday.

-Vanora

I do like a dark tale and you have certainly delivered on that front. Right from chapter one you draw the reader in with the grisly scenes of James cleaving his parents to death. A real edge of the seater followed by shock when it turned out to be in his head. Your characters are portrayed well and fit together nicely like pieces of a warped jigsaw. I almost felt the sense of panic and terror James feels at not being able to control his sleepwalking and the terrifying thought that one day he may actually carry out what he sees in his head. Imagine being so out of control pretty scary stuff. Chapter two builds up the tension nicely and at the end the reader is left in no doubt that something pretty nasty is about to happen. I also want to find out what lies behind James hatred of his parents so that's a guarantee to read on! Your writing style is accomplished and suits this very well. Well done.

Kim (Pain)

Hey.
I've just read some of your book.
I shall be keeping you on my watch list to read more.
It has a good start.
Plot flows well.
Would recommend to anybody who likes this sort of stuff.
Ellen Michelle

1-3. Modern take on many classical themes. Well depicted psychological landscape and great imagery. You are an accomplished writer with his own voice, one that never lapses into high-faluting pretense but still impresses with its individuality.
The subject matter is invigorated by the skillfullness of your prose but, for me, I can't shake the feeling that they are just spoilt twats bitching about their p's. This is an entirely subjective feeling which just means it is not my sort of read. But it still 'works' and will enthrall and entertain its readers.
'with eachreverse-upward-arc' i though this was slightlt clumsy and the upward unnecessary.
6 stars. On WL.
All the Best with it Mark.
John
Dropping Babies

A nice, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive, dialogue are realistic with vivid charachters and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

Hi Mark,
Read through chapters 1-3 this evening and this is impressive stuff. There's not really anything I can critique, the story is strong, it's well written, and there's plenty to hook the reader despite us not yet getting to Nick, his nightclub, or The Devils Fan Club. The only comments I do have are all positive, so that's a nice stack of stars heading your way from me and a shelf spot next time I re-organise.
I'd love to keep on reading but with so many owed reads it's hard to fInd the time, yet this is certainly something I would be more than happy to return to.
Kind regards,
James

Hey Mark,
I've just finished the fifth chapter and can say that I like the way the intrigue and voltage grow.It inspires further reading. I really like the way your write. '...a multicoloured mum twisting and turning like the Rubik's cube' is great! All stars and continue reading.

Hi Marc,
A sensual read indeed. Continue reading.

Hi Mark,

Thanks for your message. I've just read two chapters of your book and though it's not really my genre, I like your vivid language,true to life dialogues and bright 3D portrayal of your characters. For sure, I'll go on reading when cope with my upload (have been stuck on the second step, don't know why). 5 stars, place to my Watch list and perspectives to be backed.
Godspeed!

Val. Escape, Wade through the Dark

Hi Mark,

Thanks for your message. I've just read two chapters of your book and though it's not really my genre, I like your vivid language,true to life dialogues and bright 3D portrayal of your characters. For sure, I'll go on reading when cope with my upload (have been stuck on the second step, don't know why). 5 stars, place to my Watch list and perspectives to be backed.
Godspeed!

Val Escape, Wade through the Dark

Hey Mark,

I’m glad you asked me to read your book. I have read through chapters 1 and 2 and, wow, you have me captivated in every line. This is usually not my genre but I all honesty, I loved it. I had to keep reading to see what was happening next. I also liked the way you tackled multi-person point of view.

For me, I found nothing I need to critique on, as for grammar and spelling, I’m shocking at finding that. Though, as far as I could see, you had none.

I will be placing your book as my first on my bookshelf, rating well and will continue to read more to see how it ends.

Lilly May

Hi Mark
I have just read chapters 6 and 7 and the plot is progressing brilliantly, i think you've got the pace just right. Things are beginning to get a llittle more complex now with the different characters' storylines and how they interact with each other, but i think you handle it perfectly. The changes of scene within the chapters are also great for keeping the pace and giving lots of twists and turns without making things too confusing.
Very polished... great work!

Hi Mark,
Just read the first few chapters, and I think you've got a really engaging story here. The narrative flows well, and it's easy to see how it got such a high star rating! The descriptions are fantastic, and the characters' voices feel very authentic. Oh James...

Cheers,
M.
Astral Sea: ThePandora Project

I read through the first two chapters and I think you have the beginnings of a great book here. Your imagery is fantastic. The only think that threw me off was the prologue section in the beginning. If you plan to keep it I think it needs a little more description. It is well written, but it felt like I had been dropped into the middle of a chapter somewhere else, I was a bit lost. Also, your short pitch is great but the longer one needs a bit of tightening. All in all it was a great read. Thanks so much for sharing. I can see why this one has climbed high in the charts. I will give it high stars.

Hi Mark,
Really enjoyed reading your story. Sorry it's taken so long. I thought the conflict with him and his parents was very well written and think most teenagers can relate to it, although maybe on a lesser scale. Loved the first chapter and definitely didn't see the end coming. His Parents!! Well done.

Lainie :)

Have read all 7 chapters as was totally gripped. This is full of tension and I admit I have no idea how this is going to end (which is a good thing as it makes me want to read on rather than already having worked out how the plot will evolve).
One thing I did notice is that in Chapter 3, the line 'The sound of the house contracting, ever so slightly, ever so slightly?' Should that second 'ever so slightly' be there?
I wish you every success with your book .
Mike
Rudolph Goes Bananas

Hi Mark,

Like the premise and your 'voice'. Have rated this book, but want to take some time reading it before commenting more fully. Would recommend this book to anyone who savours a good tale well told just on the few chapters I've read. I particularly like the conflict between James and his parents, the hinted at worry from his mother, the hatred from James that seems to have no reason (thus far) other than rebellion against his upbringing. You tell this in the background through his inner thoughts, the actions of his mother. What is the source of this anger? Is it his preacher father? I don't know, but I'm going to keep reading to find out.

Very well-written Mark.

Brett

Mark,

This is not usually my kind of book, but I must confess, I did enjoy reading your book. It was very gripping. I just wanted to have a glance through and I have already read 2 chapters! Well done. I am definately reading the rest. Can't wait to see what happened.
Good luck with the book. It's really good.

I have read the first three chapters and your writing can captivate and hold suspense but for me there were too many questions buzzing in my empty head. I like to read with an empty head so the writer can lead me through the story but from the Devil’s Fan Club and the waking of his parents after his dream, there were too many nagging conundrums.

The two parts of the dream scene for me didn’t work together but were both well written. I read them separately and enjoyed them, when I read them together they grated on me. ‘Chop Chop Chop’ (when the chop bit come in I got a mental picture of a butcher quietly chopping meat not a mad act) did not fit in with the blood-drenched bed nor did the scar that ended up being slept in skin with marks of the sheets on his father (I loved that idea though), he would have known his fathers features enough to know if there was a scar there. There in the dream and that came to him after he had woken were flaps of flesh, so the idea of a healed scar was not right.

James’s character is too slow in telling us what makes him tick the way he does for me, though the hints are there.

I have to say, I do like the way you captivate and hold that suspense.

Hi Mark

Thanks very much for your message - I 've read the first five chapters.
I enjoyed your wrting style it has a great fluency and wit which I enjoyed. The characters were very well potrayed and the dynamic between them was very realistic and affecting.Overall an intriguing and unique book !
I have rated it and will be putting it on my watchlist
Good luck

Steph

Your writing is lyrical, almost poetic in narration. A soft and fluent flow of the plot.
It feels like a long beautiful song, but in a good way.
Captivating hooks at end of chapters, again, these pull you in and you are compelled to read more.
Good strong story, that is dark yet you don’t forget to place humour to colour your scenes.
Some of the language is unusual, but I think it add a poetic substance to the narrative.
You draw the reader into your word and with well-placed hooks at the end of each chapter; this pulls the reader in, with anticipation.
Full characters and well-written dialogue.
Well done.

Hi Mark
I've finally managed to get around to reading chapters 4 and 5! Appologies for it taking me so long!
I read right from the beginning as i couldn't remember exactly what happened in the first 3 chapters, and the writing was more polished and captivating than i remembered it! Chapters 4 and 5 were were utterly compelling and i just couldn't stop reading! I have to say the last line of chapter 5 made my heart do somersaults!
A very gripping and unique book.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck with this.
Starred and backed
Amy :)

Read my profile before you ask for a read.
Mmm, I like this a little. Literary Fiction, I dunno. Thriller, definitely.
Rating: 4 stars

Well written and quite gruesome. Great opening...but you've heard all this before...sorry I couldn't add more.
On my WL, rated :-)
DJC
Man by a tree

The Devil's Fan Club.
by Mark Kirkbride.

A very compelling read with its gory detail.
The book starts off very well with chapter 1, nice description...I was hooked by the killing scene.
This is certainly a 'bump in the night' book...scary at times, enough to keep the reader involved, I might say.
I would like to see more uploaded...I enjoyed what was here.
'Darkness was closing the lid on the day' ...nice writing, Mark.
Well done!!
Pleased to star-rate your book high.

Kind regards,

Neville. THe Secrets of the Forest - The Time Zone..

Very interesting, I like the way you describe the psychology of the charactors and kept on guess which society I knew is closest to the description. Well done!

Hi Mark,

Thanks for the welcome to authonomy :)

This is a powerful read! I only had time for the first chapter so far, but I might have to come back. Dark books don't usually entice me, but The Devil's Fan Club surely has. I enjoy the way you twisted there are the end with everything being kind of like a dream, minus the scar. Definatly deep and enticing.

Your word choice makes a huge impact in the way the chapter flows. Not to mention the use of a meat cleaver instead of something typical like a gun. Such a violent act will haunt the readers and keep them turning pages.

Good first chapter, when I have time hopefully I'll be able to read some more :)

Buddie

I'm putting this on my watchlist. I read the first chapter and am interested in reading more. Very thrilling! I too have a bit of a morbid fascination, which I'm examining in my next work, a book of short stories and poems.

Hi Mark

Got your message will read more when i get the chance.

Sarah :-)

I finished all five chapters. Your style of writting is almost poetic in places. Your over the top flowery descriptions makes for an interesting read. Some of the descriptive words I actully had to look up in the dictonary "Geegaw", "prelapsarian"? There was just a few places that I got lost in the story,bog down by over descriptive words that I couldn't connect the dots to. But it doesn't matter, it was a fun read. You have a unique style!
I am sure you are partial to fiction novels and may not be interested in my book I finally figured out how to upload. Thanks for your welcome message to me and my book titled "The Chair" which is a Non-fiction Christian story. I would love your comments if you have time.

For all who like to read the trailing comet-tails of comments - if you're looking to be freaked out in a tasteful, literary way (on every imaginable front) then look no further, ''The Devil's Fan Club' is the means.

Very slick, Mark, and kudos for such beautiful writing that even my squeamish self wanted to read more :)

Kelsey

The Devil’s Fan Club
by Mark Kirkbride

Hi Mark, Wow, what a sensational ms you’ve crafted!
I’ve only read the first two chapters so far, but seriously, I was hooked from the very first paragraph. The prose is fluent and the storyline is gripping (weird as it sounds, I actually felt as though I were there!).
Is the ms almost complete? I’m sure there are many Authonomy members who are itching to read more.
One more question: Why is this ms not already on an Editors desk? :-)
Six stars and on my watchlist for now (but only until I have space on my bookshelf).
Can’t wait to read further.
Best of luck.

Veronica Peace
Fake it ‘til you make it (incomplete ms)
Three Broads and a Broomstick (ms undergoing initial editing)
My Island Home (children’s picture book)

Great stuff, a clever psychologica twist on the crime genre.
Your first chapters does exactly what it needs to, particularly for tis type of book; draws the reader right in. Great set-up and straight into a pretty thrilling scene almost instantly. The momentum carries you straight into the next chapter and beyond. I can see why this is builing in popularity and ending up on so man shelves. Highly starred.

Chapter one at first glance...

Beautiful language and powerful voice. One tiny suggestion: instead of "The Devil told me to do it" how about "The Devil made me do it"? At least, that's what we say down South.

Strong descriptive start. Good plot and certainly some creative storytelling. Will back it when I can.

Best of luck.

Jack

Excellent and disturbing. Your writing exudes intelligence and dark wit. This won't be much suited to the mainstream though, too clever for most sheep.

Great work, Mark.

Mark love the opening! The use of the present tense is very clever, really helps to picture the scene in 'real time'. Can't wait to read the rest because the opening has me hooked! Full stars!

this is really. i actually wrote a short story about a deal with the devil i just have to type it up and post it then i would love to see what you think.

Hi Mark;
Thank you so much for your constructive comments on ATC. It means a lot. I will incorporate your suggestions while revising. Please give me more when you have time.
I finished your remaining two chapters. Oh, you know how to give a twist and turn to a story!!! Your imagery is beyond description. These sentences I liked much-
Moral fabric torn asunder. Children bringing up children.
I did not ask to be borne the first time.
.....raging conviction. God does not exist.
Imagine the sycophancy in heaven.
Good deeds cease to count as soon as you tell them.
Divine alchemist sadistically conduction diabolic experiments.
The small pitiful sounds conveyed better than the words.
He'd rejected two fathers- one earthly and the other heavenly.
I would rather be depressed.
Because it was not that he had no feelings. It was a wrong kind.
Huge pockets of blackness surrounded.....
One humble suggestion though. As suggested by others also, in some areas the description is a bit more than necessary at the risk of readers losing interest to read further or skip the pages. Probably 'tightening' the paragraph will serve the purpose. Of course it depends on how the story unfolds in the subsequent chapters.
Overall I am fascinated the way you write. Do post other chapters too.
Regards,
mohan

Hi Mark, I read your first two chapters. It's amazing- the plot, the language and selection of words quite effortlessly used! I especially liked these sentences-
This can't be happening. Just can't. Because it already has.
Sleep imitating death or death sleep
The pot gurgled, the lid got restless and a cluster of bubbles peeped out.
The description of droplets falling from the leaf.
Even if it is night time on earth, it is day time in the sky.
Full of degenerate acts and images.
She could no longer rely on statistics.
The plot is really captivating and you always have the urge to know ' what happens next?' I think it should have been published quite a while ago. I mean it. I will have your book on my shelf and watchlist. Let me finish your remaining chapters!!!
When you have time, can you pls go thru' mine? It's my first 'digression' from my usual work and I would highly appreciate your input esp in grammatical and language use as English is not my 'language.'
Cheers once again.
Regards,
mohan

The Devil's Fan Club - Well, you're a very writer, that's clear. This is a well crafted, well-edited piece. Your use of language is deft and effective. However, I do feel that you need to work on structure before going on with this. I wasn't sure in the first chapter whether that was the beginning or a later chapter - it was very abrupt beginning. Readers like to know who they're meeting and also like to have an idea of situation background. Why is the devil in the club? Where is this? And why is this happening? You don't have to do a lot - just work on making things a little clearer to start with. Switching character perspectives is also tricky - try and work from one point of view. Otherwise - terrific beginning. This has great potential!

You write extremely well. Very poetic. The murder scene was well conceived and very well written. A small suggestion here. The moment James wakes up, you make it clear at once that he may have been dreaming. That spoiled the fun for me and killed the very essence of a good psychological thriller (I see you've mentioned that as one of your tag words). They rest was pretty good, evenly paced and sufficiently intriguing. But it still has some way to go to qualify as a psych. thriller. 5-starred.

Regards,
AGC.

Very nice hook in first scene. A pleasure not having to tread through bad grammar. Thought out very well.
Intelligent writing that is seductive and captivating. Looking forward to more.

Thanks so much, Alan.

Very nice hook in first scene. A pleasure not having to tread through bad grammar. Thought out very well.
Intelligent writing that is seductive and captivating. Looking forward to more.

Hi Mark,

First of all, wicked cover. This is not usually my kind of book, but I found myself intrigued. You have a poetic way with words. I can tell you care and take into consideration how things sound, and being able to see the big picture as well as the details of each sentence (sometimes each word!) is what makes a book really great.

You're also really descriptive. It's clear you have a strong point of view. I've only gotten through half of the second chapter but I'll be back for more.

I just uploaded an edgy young adult novel called The Emblem of Eternity, which was inspired by the school shooting of Larry Fobes King. Check it out if you have some time!

Cheers,
Raziel

I found this a little hard to follow at times, but for the most part, it's really good.

Love this! It kept me both horrified and in suspense. I really appreciate your style of writing. Some things in particular: the personification of objects, such as the curtains breathing in & out, the scene building mixed with the main characters inner thoughts, and the toward the end where you wrote "Because he could hardly tell them the truth". Not sure if you meant it humorously but I took it that way and thought it was great! Love a little peck of humor mixed in with the horror. The last line was fabulous, very telling.

My only "complaint" (I wouldn't even call it that...) is that there were a few awkward sentences, structure-wise, such as: But in the quarter-light he can just make out the seal like humps the sleeping man and woman form in the double bed. I think that could be stated more clearly with fewer words.

Really enjoyed this.

Marla
AFTER

This is intense and unlike anything I've read on here. You know how to open a book with a punch. That's a huge part of the battle right there. Great descriptions, so vivid. Dialogue is strong as well. You've got a heck of a talent here. It really surprised me. Good luck with this.

I'm a bit backed up right now as far as my shelf rotation but I'll keep this nearby. I would love to see it climb the charts more!

Missy

I like this a lot.
There's some lovely imagery and the characterisations are all very strong. You've got inside the mind of a 17year old very convincingly (we say things like that, don't we, as if forgetting that we were once that age...).
I like the shifting tenses as it helps build the tension and the opening scene is very effective and becomes more so the more you read on.
The only thing I would say though is that the occasional lines of exposition are mostly unnecessary. eg You don't need to tell us that the family is obliged to attend the Sunday service as it is obvious through the ensuing action and dialogue.
I would edit out them all.
A good read, interesting story well told.

Hi Mark, I've only read Chapter 1 so far, but here goes.

So, clearly the murder is a dream, but then I'd thought that the preceding section with the Devil was a dream already because it was so lacking in naturalistic detail, and now I'm confused. Possibly you want there to be two dreams, or maybe these are two parts to the same dream, but I can't see this because they are written in different tenses, so your grammar forces me to decide that the former was a real event.

Given that this is the case, you need to set the scene much more clearly and take much more time doing so, although the opening sentence is a great hook - keep that! I'd like to know how this conversation started, maybe with your protagonist spotting this dodgy-looking guy in a bar who tries to convince him that he's the Devil.

The only way I can realistically believe in this character's personality and motivations is if I see him work through the process of his own initial disbelief that he is talking to the Devil. Any rational human being would be immediately sceptical, but this guy starts off believing absolutely that he is talking to the Devil, so he's either a nut-job or hallucinating - either way, i can't trust his p.o.v. and that's an extremely risky thing to do with your protagonist. Plus also, why should I then be shocked by a murder scene?

Let me see him as a normal bloke in a bar first, and the horror which comes later will be much more shocking. I'll also be much more inclined to like the guy and care about what happens to him later, and read on to Chapter 2.