Cassidy Brown and the Worst Two Weeks Ever

Have just had the pleasure of reading your first 2 chapters... will definitely be back for more. I myself write children's stories as well as crime novels, and this is exactly the style of humour I love and go for myself. I can not find a fault to point out ... how disappointing (lol). It's hard to get onto my bookshelf but this has made it there. It doesn't take a great leap of imagination to picture this on the bookshelves at Waterstones.

Finished! More please? My daughter and I read this together. Fantastic work! You've done such a great job breathing life into Cassidy on these pages. Such a strong voice she has. Again, fantastic!

My teenage grand-daughter insisted I back this - she says you are an amazing writer who deserves to be published! It is very funny and clever according to her high standards for books and I must admit your long pitch had me laughing - Aunt MildewI think I had an Aunt Millie many many moons ago! Anyway - it's on my shelf and starred. Fondly, Henry

This is Gordon's nine year old daughter. I loved this. I'm on the 3rd chapter.

Your first line is perfect. With nine words, you introduce your character, plot, and voice. From then on, this continues to be just as strong. I love that we're in Cassidy's head from the get-go, and she has a fun voice that is perfect for this age group. You also do a great job of writing in character, which isn't always easy when you're writing a first-person children's novel.

I love the interaction between Mr. Alvarez and Cassidy at the beginning of chapter 2. We continue to see her voice shine through. I had started to keep track of some of my favorite lines, but my comment was getting way too long. Cassidy is an outstanding character.

This is also extremely well-edited and polished. The narrative was tightly written and the dialogue snappy. Well done!

If I had to suggest anything, I'd consider avoiding the whole "My name is Cassidy..." bit where she talks about who she is. While this is realistic for the character, it didn't serve as a very strong hook for me. I think it would be stronger if you jumped to the conflict in chapter 2 without all the background info on who she is. Just something to think about. Other than that, I wouldn't change a thing.

The is one of the strongest children's novels I've come across on authonomy. If you're reading this comment, stop wasting your time and read Cassidy Brown and the Worst Two Weeks Ever! I've highly rated it and will be back to read more. Great work!

YARG review

What an engaging story so far. Cassidy has such a strong voice. It is fun to share her thoughts. She is an average girl (I'm thinking of Charlie Brown and wondering if her name is related to his?) who happens to be a magnet for trouble. I can't help but feel sorry for her, as she seems to be misunderstood by everyone (or at least the ones who matter the most). This takes me back to Ramona Quimby, which were some of my favorite books at that age, though I haven't read them since.

You weave some funny little asides into Cassidy's thoughts (the bit about teachers being paid a lot of money, etc) that your intended audience may not appreciate, but their parents will. I'm not sure how often parents of this age group still read to their kids, so it is hard to say whether this kind of humor is needed in the story. It is a bit like the adult humor inserted into so many Disney movies-it is there for the parents and most of the time goes over the kids' heads.

I thought the dream sequence departed a little too much from Cassidy's voice. She does say that her dreams are often narrated like a nature documentary, but again I wonder if this will be lost on your intended audience.

What I'm unsure of right now, after reading through everything you have posted, is where the plot is heading. Because you start out in chapter one with the tablecloth incident, then go back in time to tell about the preceding two weeks and the science fair, I already know that nothing has changed as far as Cassidy learning a lesson from all of her time in detention, and her mother probably hasn't gained any insight into why trouble seems to find her. I'm still curious to find out what happens with the science fair and Jimmy and the rest of Aunt Mildred's stay, but for Cassidy's sake I'd like to hope that things will get better. Maybe not that she'll somehow stop attracting trouble, but at least that her mom might find some way to help her, or at least be more understanding, or even try to understand.

Very entertaining and well written.
Kate

I have to say that I do not read or write kid’s books, and so if my thoughts are irrelevant to you, I will not be surprised. But, I am trying to recall what I liked at this age, and will try to respond from that point of view, since I was a voracious reader as a youth.

I like her attitude right away, and this is well established in your pitch. The only thing I might change in the pitch is the last sentence, about the number of words. We have this data elsewhere, and I think this precious space could be used to somehow hook us in more dramatically. What is the worst thing she is going to face, the absolute worst of the worst 2 weeks? That is what I want to hear about, in that last sentence. If I were ten years old, reading this blurb, I wouldn’t want to hear about the word count. I’d want to feel like this girl is cool to know, which she is. "Totally".

And since I am a fairly well-protected middle –class kid, in this hypothesis, I need to know exactly what is the worst thing she is going to face. If she is going to face serious, major abuse or huge ugly realistic fear, this may not be the book for me. But if she is going to skip along with relatively manageable worries, then I as a ten year old will thoroughly enjoy it.

The style is breezy and convincing, though I am no expert, but it does not sound like an adult pretending to be a child.

I can see a substantial audience for this appealing character. I have only read 2 chapters (this is all I can ever read of the books on this site), but I like her. She can even be a bit naughtier and mouthier - i found her farily reasonable, actually. If she is a bit naughtier, later on, I’d like a hint right up front as to the range of the drama ahead. Then I’d really be ready to plunge in and enjoy the ride.

well done, and best wishes, from
Eileen Kardos
The Noodle Trail

YARG
Emily,
Cassidy is very charming and I enjoyed the first three chapters. Your writing is nice and tight. I didn't find anything there to correct and I can be pretty nitpicky. :)

My only suggestion would be to give more of a description of Cassidy's physical surroundings, but espeically her room in the first chapter. It's a little disorienting to only have her narrative in the beginning. Plus I think discussing her room would give you a way to highight some of her personality indirectly.

YARG review:
I really like this; the narrative voice is spot-on for the age group, the humour is great, and the characters are distinct. A protagonist who keeps getting into trouble will resonate well with the target audience, and you really make the reader see the world as she does. Great stuff- highly starred!
Emma

ComLit review
Cassidy Brown and the Worst Two Weeks Ever
Emily,
I have read everything you posted.
This is a really fun, funny and successful young adult story. It has great characters, fantastic humour, and strong writing. High stars and I will find a spot on my shelf for it at a later shuffle.
Hook and plot- You hook early and well with the comedy, and it is largely the laughs that kept me reading. I must confess that I find plot the weakest link in the posting. We have hints with the dreams of cats and the science fair, but these are really not plot goals. You introduce a new potential goal with the love interest. And I suppose there is the overarching issue of how Cassidy will get her act together. But the plot is not clear.You make up for this with great comedy and character development, so it is not lethal. But you might want to consider a clearer plot hook in the first few chapters.
Character development- you very cleverly restrain your cast of characters by sending her father off, and giving Cassidy only one friend. These along with the librarian and perhaps the principal, you develop very well. Cassidy is a really funny character, and it is easy to take her a bit lightly. So I was particularly moved when you had her cry and ask her mother if she still loved her. She is self-disparaging and has a bit of a hard time following the rules- a great character for a novel for this age group. While the book is very much focused on her and her reactions to the world around her, her mother, with her very patient impatience is well painted, as is her genius best friend. Her smelly aunt is a bit of a backdrop, until her heart-felt conversation in the end. But that is okay. If this were for an older age group, I might suggest that you focus on these other characters a bit more to bring some depth to characterization. For the age group that would probably work against you.
I have a certain amount of curiosity with the cat dreams. In the posting it did not go anywhere, so they come across as a bit unattached. There is an almost magic component to the dreams, and I thought that you were going to bring in a fantasy component. I might suggest that you tie these dreams in during the posting so as to make a bit more sense of them. What I mean is, if this cat in her dreams will somehow help her with the science project, or will turn out to haunt her during daytime, it would be good to have a peek of this. Otherwise it comes across as a bit random.
Humour.- I found many parts of this funny and I laughed out loud often. The book tickles my YA funny bone. I did not really like the genre much before I joined the site, and books like this one have really made me appreciate how clean and effective this genre can be at telling a god 'ol story without many of the distractions.
Five happy faces.

Here are my comments as I read.
1 magic tricks funny.
Cat is a good touch.
A bit too short. Not hooked yet.
2
Funny
"everyone knows teachers make
Lots of money"Lol
Organize a student union
Lol
Troll snot :)
Came up last year when I was sick
:)
3 strike again funny.

4 I like her wishful thinking.
Plotting against me. Lol

Good bit of cd with the dad on reserves

5
Tomato sauce. :)
The therapist bills are going to kill us. Lol.

Nice cd with asking her mother of she still loves her.

6
Not the jealous type.
Anything that tastes like tree bark
Lol
Cereal.
Lol
7
I like her guess of the punishment.
She looked at me kind of funny. Lol
Librarians mother is mean.
8
Mildew :)
Soup scene funny.
Like her spacing out.
9

10 spider eggbeater collection. Lol

12 Jimmy is cute

My favorite?
"Hey, did you know that when you mix a big bowl of vinegar and a box of baking soda together, it makes a huge mess?"

Best of luck with it. I am sure it will do great.
Best,
Maeve

YARGII

Perfect first chapter! The introduction draws you right in and makes you want to read further to find out about what happened with the science fair. I love Cassidy’s sassiness. This is such a wonderful young adult/children’s book. The vernacular and Cassidy’s inner thoughts are just spot on. I feel like I’m reading the account of a real young girl that I used to be friends with. Your MS is spotless which is just such a joy.
I’ve read through chapter four now and I must say, I think you have a winner her. (: I didn’t notice one grammatical or spelling error. Your writing is fluid, believable, well paced, and perfect for the age group. I wish it was in print so I could send it to my best friend’s little girl. Your pitches are excellent, concise and makes you want to start reading right away. I’m sorry I don’t have anything more constructive to offer! But six stars for a job exceptionally well done!

Bre
Memoria

Cassidy Brown and The Worst Two Weeks Ever by Emily Marston
Comlit review

First, the title: The name Cassidy Brown is, all by itself, charming.
“The Worst Two Weeks Ever” makes us immediately wonder what must happen.

I was hooked by the first line, and completely captured by the first page.
Although written as a children's book, the entire uploaded section was
highly enjoyable to this old guy.

Emily has created a completely sympathetic character in Cassidy Brown.
I found myself cheering her on, feeling sorry for her mishaps, but enjoying them
nonetheless. I found it to be a totally wonderful piece of writing.
Thank you Emily, for brightening my day.

Jed Oliver (French roast and Lingerie) (Saving Bob)

Read a little more. You do a very good job at writing.
There is so much creativity.
Best wishes.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Hi Emily
I have just cleared all my books from Authonomy and posted a new work, Hellion 2. There are issues within this work that I am most anxious to get right. Would you please take a look and let me know if there is anything that you feel might cause offence, regarding the holocaust.

many thanks

Cyrus

I love this writing, really captivating and suitable for children and young readers

ISOJE DAVID
ANIMALS IN PARADISE

Cassidy Brown and the Worst Two Weeks Ever.
By Emily Marston.

I've read and backed this book in the past, it's a great read.
You have made alterations that make the book stand out more now.
I thought you've done well with the voices of the young characters; they are very fitting to the story.
You also have some brilliant description which goes down well with any young reader.
The storyline is interesting, Cassidy always in trouble, mostly at school.
Children will always relate to a school atmosphere, obviously because it’s a big part of their lives.
The confrontation over the mobile phone and Mrs. Hagar intervention and punishment …very typical of today’s school problems that teachers have to sort out.
I think you have just about got this right and it should be a temptation for any youngster to want to buy it.
I always say and will keep saying it, we need good children’s books…well done, Emily!!
Have updated with many stars!!

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest - The Time Zone.

Hi Emily
At last I have revisited and finished the chapters you have uploaded here. I stand by my original assessment of your work - I love it.
This is an incredibly well-crafted story. Each chapter ends neatly and well, so that the reader is encouraged to continue. Cassidy is a believable, likeable girl - I feel sorry for her and slightly exasperated by her in equal measures!
I will be returning it to my bookshelf soon. In the meantime highly rated and recommended, again!
I hope you find success with it soon.
Julia
Shadow Jumper

Emily, this is wonderful! I love it. I love Cassidy -- red hair, freckles and blue eyes, she's a cute litle smart-aleck, and I can't wait to read more. I don't normally read this kind of thing, but your book is so fresh and funny that I can't resist it!

Elizabeth
The Made-Up Man
http://www.authonomy.com/books/41698/the-made-up-man/

YARG Review.

I love this kid. Slave labor? Going on strike? You came up with some really cool stuff. Only made it to chapter three. I will deff. pick up on it later. I need to leave for work now. This is a book that my first graders would love, I think. Although it might give them ideas. LOL. The only problem I saw was that you use the word 'again' twice in a row at the very beginning. Editors don't like that. Maybe you can reword it. I will return in a day or two to read more and will shelf this as soon as I make space. Congrats on a great story!

YARG
Hi Emily, here for our YARG reading swap.
I've just read the first two chps. The writing flows well and the plot skips along nicely. The first person narrative is a good idea for this age range but at times I didn't always believe in the voice's authenticity, not quite sure why. Maybe because there was a lot of writing on two levels - where Cassidy says or overhears something and we're supposed to understand it but she doesn't, e.g. the bit about teachers being paid a lot, or Jimmy getting to the lunch queue first. Those bits sounded too much like the author's voice peeking through, not Cassidy's.
Also, here in the UK, Cassidy is probably more of a boys name than a girls name (I didn't read the pitch) so I thought it was a boy not a girl (the first chp sounded very much like a little boy to me) so that was confusing. Nowhere in the first two chps do you mention whether she's a boy or a girl (at least not that I could find).

In the very first chp we hear about the failed magic trick through Cassidiy's narrative after it has happened, but I'd much rather see the whole episode unfold directly than hear about it from Cassidy afterwards. That would make for a much more powerful first chapter. Have Cassidy recount it as it happens.

But these are all small, easily to change things. Generally I liked it and found it easy to read. Cassidy is generally likeable, but I really wanted to hear more of her voice shining through, at times it seems to be filtered through your own voice. There are lots of great writing exercises to flesh out your characters and make them sound more authentic. I'm sure you are familiar with them. Also perhaps spending more time with the same age range. I just felt something was every so slightly missing in the voice.
All the best, I'm sure this will go far.
Have highly stared,
Sharda.
Please take a look at mine when you get the chance.
http://www.authonomy.com/books/42835/mr-unusually-s-circus-of-dreams/

Com. Lit Review
This is great. I read up to chapter 8 to see what Aunt Mildew was going to be like. I know exactly what you mean by someone smelling of damp cellars in summer. It's a really strong children's book, rather like Just William with a first person narrator. Lots of funnies and a touch of sadness that Cassidy thinks its all her fault. You make her very sympathetic. Trouble just happens. It will stay on my watchlist to read more and lots of stars.

YARG review
Hi there,

I really enjoyed this. Your dialogue is fantastic and the way you attribute it to each character is very subtly and skillfully done. There are some great little jokes in here and a nice rhythm to the story.

Here's my constructive criticism after reading two chapters. (I'll be back for more!)

The second chapter is so zippy thanks to the dialogue and jokes that I felt the first was rather dry. It doesn't further the plot at all or highlight your strongest talents. I think it would be much better to go straight into the action (I love the teacher's announcement of the science fair) and if you have your heart set on including her magic antics find a place for them later in the story,

hopelessness I feel is the wrong word as it means the fact of being hopeless (useless) not without hope- better for me would be .. a look of frustration/despair... ?

I think it should be ... I headed to where she was sitting instead of sat

Last of all, whilst you get the tone of the dialogue perfectly, as others have commented, Cassidy's internal monologue can at times be rather grown up sounding. I think it needs stylising slightly. You have a nice clear voice but I think it could do with some more abbreviations and maybe even some slang to give us that kid feel.

I will definitely come back and read to the end and give you a longer comment. Good work, I'd love to hear what you think of my book too.

Benedict

Hi Emily!
YARG review,
Your writing is absolutely brilliant. It's youthful, it's colorful, anything and everything a good children's book should be. It doesn't feel like you're "dumbing it down" like most children story writers do. Your dialogue for me was the most entertaining part. Cassidy, Tracy, they all sound like my little sister Karla who happens to be in the fourth grade. So point is, you've nailed it! I have nothing negative to say cuz you're simply awesome.

Highly starred, good luck!

Hi Emily

I read the first two chapters of this and will try and catch up on some more very soon. Love the voice and lots of light humour. Will add this on my Watch List.
Would love your views on mine if you get the time, as we are both writing YA with a humourous female lead
Take care
Eve

Well, Bless little Cassidy. I like how she believes, she is having the worst two weeks ever. When in reality everyone around her loves her and is trying to help and support her.
Even her enemy secretly admires her and her Aunt Mildred (Who sounds vile until we meet her) is a useful guide.
The smell of the school kitchens came to me, before Cassidy had even entered them.
Her attraction to trouble reminded me of my own childhood.
I'm glad nothing really bad actually happens to her in the story,(not so far).
The book is well written and edited. I did find a couple of things that you might want to check:
'While I was undressing, Maddy start to cry'. Should it be 'started'.
'After I brushed my teeth......' Should be 'I'd' in the context it's written in.
There are still some full stops where there should be commas. Around 'said' words.
Addressing her by her name "Cassidy" sounded a bit clunky in some of the dialogue. It could be shortened to Cass or Cassie. If she was only called Cassidy when she was in trouble, it may have more of an impact.
I was really disappointed that we didn't get to find out, what kind of cat she was going to choose for her project. Maybe you'll add a few more chapters sometime.
Cassidy is a charming and amusing character and very relatable for young readers.
I wish you all the best.
Pollyanna. 'Marsupeople'.

Such a very good way of telling childrens stories, so creative and lively.
Well done.
Josphine
Notime goes bye

Wonderful YA work. The American Idol "insult" joke was the best. Great voice and a very endearing character right out of the starting gate. The only thing I didn't like...I'm eating a salad for lunch while I read and now I want sweet and sour chicken. backed and big stars. All the best with this fine work.

E

Excellent read. Cassidy Brown reminds me of a student I had in one of my classes some years ago. It was a fourth grade class. It is easy to empathize with the young lady because of my own experience.

Very funny and subtle work

Hello Emily,
Well, I sat down to read the first couple of chapters and somehow finished it all. I loved it! Naughty Cassidy is brilliant; she's very funny and cheeky. You write perfectly and your main character's voice is just right. I like that you have such short chapters and it makes it easy to just read a bit more. Or, in fact, all of it. Great fun, highly starred.
Lucy Middlemass
Jinger Barley and The Murkle Moon

CASSIDY BROWN
This is an enjoyable children’s story. Your writing style is good for a young age group: it’s clear and easy to follow; using short chapters is a second big plus. Cassidy is a great main character; she’s both likable and sympathetic because of the trouble that seems to follow her around. I think you’ll find a wide schoolage audience for this who will relate to her immediately. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

hello Emily
Book- Cassidy Brown and the worst two weeks ever-

Read four chapters and some chunks more-
Found it to be a delightful read and i have no doubt that it will do well in the early teen market-
It's a chuckle and fun read, so full of humour as Cassidy get into all sorts of mischief -
Summing up- I thought it was an entertaining feel good read-

good luck with it-I give it my six stars
tom bye
from hugs to kisses.
please oblige and read some of mine- chapter two is full of cats !!

This is a great fun read. I taught 4th grade for years and I delighted in the antics of these pupils. Your writing style is flawless it flowed along so smoothly that I could just enjoy the story. Now I work in a library and children of this age are always looking for a fun read and this will fit the bill. You are on my watch list and will move up quickly as soon as there is an opening on my book shelve.

Hi,

Thoroughly enjoyed reading the start of your book. I think you have captured the dialogue of a kid and the confusing conversations they have with adults very well. I like the humour and the tone of the narrator. Your work also seems accurate and carefully proofread. I am sure this will be very successfuly.

Phil

I simply love the way this book starts off. The first chapter just is so funny, cute, and drawing.
The pitch and title are very good too.
Yet I do enjoy the way you started this off.
You have a good writing skill.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

The story flows really well - not an unconnected moment. I started to like Cassidy when she got hurt and lost some of her endless insolence.

I've really enjoyed reading this. You are a very good writer. Very realistic dialogue. It reminds me a little of my own book re the classroom scenes but not nearly as silly because mine is in fact a lot of nonsense. I'm going to back it and rate it 6 stars. Well done. If you get round to reading mine then all good and well. Take care

Hi
I just had to have a sneeky peek at this book because I so liked your other one! I think you are my favourite writer on Authonomy. I am biased, of course, because I am a big fan of children's fiction and in particular the age group you are writing for, as my book is for the same age, I guess (8 - 12). Anyway, best of luck with this one.

Julia
Shadow Jumper

Have read the first 4 chapters and have really enjoyed the pace and humour. I think you have created a character that is fun and interesting that children will be able to relate to. Would definately read this in school to older primary aged children.
I will continue to read this book but would like to share with my 11 year old daughter.

At the end of chapter 4, I'm still involved with the story and will keep reading.
One suggestion: often your protagonist says the same thing twice but with different words. e.g. the cookie. When it goes in the pocket the reader knows it's being saved for later. No need to spell that out in another sentence.

Lots of fun! Nice, professional writing, great voice. I love how you bring us right inside the main character's head, and I appreciate her personality.
Thanks,
Tod Schneider
The Lost Wink

Lots of fun! Nice, professional writing, great voice. I love how you bring us right inside the main character's head, and I appreciate her personality.
Thanks,
Tod Schneider
The Lost Wink

Lots of fun! Nice, professional writing, great voice. I love how you bring us right inside the main character's head, and I appreciate her personality.
Thanks,
Tod Schneider
The Lost Wink

Funny!

I've been thinking about this for days. Looking at my book shelf, I realized that, even though children's literature is not my thing, this is such a fine book, that I wanted to back it. Cassidy is one of the most compelling characters I've seen in some time. I just love it and the book.

Fabulous! Mark

I haven't read a children's story for a very long time so I tried to look at this through a child's eyes. What a fantastic story! Cassidy Brown is a lovely endearing character and just on the right side of naughty. You can't help but fall in love with the cheeky little imp! She is the type of girl that whatever could go wrong does go wrong. I laughed out loud at the description of the spaghetti and meat sauce lunch - absolutely brilliant. This is extremely well written. I can't see any reason why it shouldn't get into print. Good luck with this.

Kim (Pain)

I found your first two chapters lively. It must be all the dialogue! My granddaughters would like this story and I think it's because the protagonist is a 'smart alec' as it used to be put. So, be encouraged. It scares me a bit as well, since one of these granddaughters kind of admires girls of this ilk. Anyway, I'll keep reading your novel to see what develops.
My novel GROW, EDNA! belongs to the same age group probably although it takes place in an earlier generation where kids didn't talk back so much. Do you have time to read it?
Thanks.

I don't usually read kid lit, but I LOVE this! Cassidy is such a great character, funny, full of life. The trouble she gets into is right on target. I wonder if she ever met Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes?

I've read through chapter 7 and will come back soon to finish it.

This is really, really great. I only have three very minor suggestions.

The voice of your narrator is almost pitch-perfect, but in Chapter 2: "Stench emanating." That doesn't sound like Cassidy, or any kid of that age. "Stink coming from" is less poetic but probably more like something she'd say.

Momdar: I knew immediately what Momdar was. Maybe a kid wouldn't get it, so maybe you need to explain it, but maybe you could do it something like this. Her Momdar...I don't understand how she practically has ESP or something whenever..." I'm doing this from memory, so that's not exactly how the sequence goes, I'm sure, but you can define Momdar without saying "Momdar is this special sense that Mom's have..."

The dream sequence is too well written. I wouldn't think that the quality of Cassidy's prose would improve just because she's asleep. You might want to think about toning down the prose, still leaving the mysterious, atmospheric quality, but creating using more of a youngster's vocabulary.

Told you my comments were minor. This is super Emily! My bookshelf is full, and I tend only to put things I feel competent to judge up there (I write in lots of genres, but I've never done kid lit). Still, I'm giving you 6 stars, and I'm telling my friends to check you out.

Congratulations on a fine book! Mark

I love her! I love Cassidy! Wow, she's a real character! Never meaning to be bad, but always getting into trouble. I love her naivety and you have a perfect child voice. I love how you use food for comic effect - I read somewhere, in a teach yourself how to write for kids or something - that children love to read about food, so spot on there! The writing is perfect, I cannot fault it. The only thing I would say was in chapter 2 you use the word "emananting." I don't think a child would think of anything emananting. Try...coming from....much better I think. I will carry on reading this. Have you thought about entering it into the Chicken House competition we have here in the good ole UK? Highly starred & as you know, it's on my shelf.
Rebeka

YARG review

I read the first four chapters and would have read on if I had time. This was a funny and lively read, and Cassidy is a great character. She has a lovely, bubbly personality and is very easy to like, despite her getting into trouble all the time. The voice is just right for the 10 year old age group I assume you're aiming for: very chatty and lots of amateur sarcasm. :)

There seem to be very few (if any) grammatical or punctuation problems, which was refreshing, but I had a couple of higher level points I wanted to note:

Mr Alvarez seems a bit impatient over what seems like fairly normal classroom antics/behaviour. If he is stressed out by being questioned by 10 year olds, what does he do when he encounters real behavioural problems? I would suggest either ramping up one of the minor character's behaviour to give Mr Alvarez more to be stressed about, or tone down his weariness.

Where Cassidy tells her mother that Mr Alvarez might be "plotting against [her] in a bid to prevent..." that sounded a bit too sophisticated for her, not so much the language I would expect her to use, especially considering she isn't particularly scholarly.

End of chapter 4, you mention that Adela's dad stays home, but in the cafeteria scene Cassidy says Adela's mother makes her lunch. Perhaps it should be her dad that makes it? Not a huge point, but it would have made more sense to me.

Overall I think this is a really fun read that would capture the imagination of the target audience. Nice short chapters keep it ticking along at a good pace, and I think kids will really relate well to Cassidy and want to know what happens to her. And she gets extra points from me for being a cat lover. :) Really well done.

YARG review

Hello Emily,

I’m a bit hazy about what age corresponds to fourth grade; I read this with ten-eleven year-olds in mind. Would that be about right? Cassidy’s preoccupations are certainly typically pre-ado; food figures largely (I’m seven chapters in and I feel I know Cassidy’s food preferences off by heart!), as does getting into trouble. And the trouble is always fun sort of trouble, frogs, messes and stains, bad marks at school. You create an atmosphere that children are bound to find appealing, where the heroine can do the most terrible things (and we are talking smuggling frogs into school not drugs or guns) and the punishment is no more than library duty or being sent to her room. I can easily imagine kids hooting with laughter at the spaghetti with meat sauce, the cabbage casserole, and the dumb kid questions for the increasingly exasperated teacher.
The pace is a sort of easy trot, the chapters bite-sized, and lots of fun. I particularly liked the scene where the teacher explains about the science fair – humour that will appeal to adults as well as the kids. As a character Cassidy is a great success. You flesh out her character using details like the student strike that are funny, but since they are related by Cassidy herself, completely deadpan. She’s likeable and believable; she probably reminds everybody of some kid they know and I would imagine there are thousands of children who will identify with her.

The only detail that jarred with me (and that’s possibly because I have no experience of the American teacher-pupil relationship) is the way Cassidy answers back to the head teacher. In most European schools that kind of lip would get her into far more serious trouble than a hundred smuggled frogs.

There’s really nothing to fault here. The writing is seamless, Cassidy’s a consistent character, the action is centred on her and her little world of school and family, uncluttered with other main characters. A really good children’s story that will have tremendous appeal I’m certain. It’s in the same vein as Kaal’s Cousin Felicity story that you obviously enjoyed too.
Best of luck with this. Top stars from me.
Jane

excellent story telling. Cassidy sounds a lot like a female version of me. They say as writers our character often reflect the real us. Let me guess, there's a lil cassidy in you ? LOL. I also write children storys but have not had them copywritten as of yet so that I can be able to share them just yet. Keep up the good work and I'll definitely finish it and follow you as a reader.

Hi Emily

Will definitively have a nose through this as I have a few spaces on my book shelf and WL. Would you be so kind as to have a quick look at my book - The List. Feel free to leave a comment.
ta very much.

David J Baron

Aaaaahhhh I got SO excited when I saw that it had been updated, thinking that there were some new chapters but nooooooo. My night is ruined.

Ok, not really. But maybe a little.

Anyway, I like what you've done with the place. :)

P.S.-MORE. SOON. Kthanksbye.

I just finished ch 8. Cassidy is one spunky little girl. She cracks me up. You have done an excellent job making it believable. I love her interpretation of Aunt Mildew. I thought I was going to choke on the cookie I was eating when I read that. Your dialoge is easy to follow. The only thing I noticed in Ch 8 is when the aunt hugs cassidy and gives her a kiss it talks about her back being turned then said "and went to maddy" who went to maddy? It wasn't clear. Other than that the story is great. Keep up the great work.

Tina Burton
Tears in Heaven
Battle of Love