Book Jacket

 

rank 2774
word count 34887
date submitted 17.03.2011
date updated 11.04.2011
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Fantasy
classification: moderate
incomplete

LIGHT: Book One of the Three Realms

Megan Ayscue

Humanity is trapped between a war of light and dark, leaving Rebecca Townsend -mentally unstable, panicking, and quite possibly insane -the key to humanity's survival.

 

For Rebecca Townsend, normal has been a goal worth striving for. After years of psychiatric appointments and meetings with therapists, she's been labeled by those around her as ill. When her mother is murdered and her father disappears, she's ordered by the court to live with her abusive aunt and uncle, considered by the court to be mentally unstable.

For twenty two years she has been a freak of nature, her dreams becoming more and more prophetic the older she gets. When a strange man named Zithain enters her life, though, she begins to unravel the pieces of the mystery surrounding her life. Rebecca has never been a normal young woman, her life disguised in lies and half truths to keep her safe from reality.

A war is approaching that will consume all Rebecca has ever known, and she is the key to success for the sides involved. Having spent her life being a willing damsel in distress, she'll have to learn how to protect herself before she can protect humanity from the forces of light and darkness as they try to control our universe for their own devices.

 
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tags

action, alternate universe, altverse, angels, apocalypse, demons, good versus evil, intrigue, lies, light versus dark, monsters, murder, new york city...

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7 comments

 

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Katherine Edwards wrote 389 days ago

This has great potential, love the storyline. Be careful of switching POV suddenly though, I was a bit confused at first when it switched from Rebecca's POV. But this is easy to fix and doesn't in any way detract from the writing, which is clear and flows easily. Good luck with this. Katherine (Strata)

Kim D wrote 424 days ago

I know this is a book in progress, so i'll just focus on the big picture. The story worked for me. I liked Rebecca as a character and i thought the scene in the psychiatrist's office was good. Do be careful not to show and tell - for example, you don't need to say that Rebecca was anxious, just show her fidgeting in her seat.
Good luck with this, Megan, and I hope your Masters Submission goes well too.
Kim
St Viper's School for Super Villains

dreamofwriting wrote 425 days ago

Hi. I just read your first chapter and I really like your story line. I got a little confused when it switched from Rebecca and her shrink to the other two men. Maybe you could split that into two separate chapters? I like your narrative point of view and I think that the story flows along nicely. I've never been to a psychiatrist before, but the conversation was very believable. I have a few other suggestions, but I'm going to put them in a message. I'm putting you on my watchlist until I have a chance to read more. Hopefully you'll have an opportunity to look over my book when you can and let me know your thoughts.

Jennifer Beth
Toxic Blood

squirrelsohno wrote 432 days ago

Okay a few things - You need to make the font bigger as it is difficult for blurry eyed readers on this site to read ! The second thing to keep in mind is the majority of readers on this site will only read the opening 2 or 3 chapters and that is if you are lucky so they need to be perfect (mine are far from perfect but with useful contructive comments they are improving all the time!) If you manage to get to the Ed desk or read by an agent through this site they will only read the first 10,000 words so again they have to be perfect. In your boig you have 'our' Universe - should this me 'the' universe?

I love the way you open about the dream and refering back to her journals, as I as a reader am immediately curious about her other predictions.

You tend to explain things twice - forcing herself into a comfortable position is great it shows she is anxious so there is no need to tell us 'she was anxious'.

The same with 'sleepless nights is followed with'insomnia' - it's duplication. The college student released her fists - you already told us she is in Columbia and giving her prof grief so just be careful of duplication.

You seem keen to get comments so I would advise the bigger font as I could only read half of chapter one in the size it is. Looking forward to coming back to it and reading more! Well done!



Thanks for the comments! I am actually still finalizing the last few chapters (ie actually writing them) so editing will be coming hopefully next month. What you is right now is pretty much unedited since right now I want more comments and critique on the plot and the overall idea than I do backing or anything like that, which is also nice of course. Also, when I went I found that you can adjust the font size on the reading page. When I have a few spare moments (I'm actually writing my Masters thesis as the same time as this - well, researching) I'll go back through and change the font manually on my files, or at least the first three or four. Thanks again!

rosemariemeleady wrote 432 days ago

Okay a few things - You need to make the font bigger as it is difficult for blurry eyed readers on this site to read ! The second thing to keep in mind is the majority of readers on this site will only read the opening 2 or 3 chapters and that is if you are lucky so they need to be perfect (mine are far from perfect but with useful contructive comments they are improving all the time!) If you manage to get to the Ed desk or read by an agent through this site they will only read the first 10,000 words so again they have to be perfect. In your boig you have 'our' Universe - should this me 'the' universe?

I love the way you open about the dream and refering back to her journals, as I as a reader am immediately curious about her other predictions.

You tend to explain things twice - forcing herself into a comfortable position is great it shows she is anxious so there is no need to tell us 'she was anxious'.

The same with 'sleepless nights is followed with'insomnia' - it's duplication. The college student released her fists - you already told us she is in Columbia and giving her prof grief so just be careful of duplication.

You seem keen to get comments so I would advise the bigger font as I could only read half of chapter one in the size it is. Looking forward to coming back to it and reading more! Well done!

Su Dan wrote 434 days ago

good fantasy story; narrative and dialogue helps a great deal, making this an enjoyable book...on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

eurodan49 wrote 434 days ago

Hi. I only had time to brows through your work. I found the story interesting and plan to return for more reading and a detailed comment. As I’m very much pressed for time, tell me which chapter you want me to pay special attention to.
Meanwhile, could you please check TO KILL A DEAD MAN? I will appreciate it.
Dan

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