Breakout

Hi,
Only read the first couple of chapters but really enjoying the book.
Good Chemistry between MCs.
A couple of comments though:
A little cliched at times but it fits with the genre. Difficult to breakout of the stereotypical when talking about high school cafeterias.
Also, the opening line to chapter two (Danger is my middle name) is clumsy. Too frequent use of the word again. The opening sentence, which is really the start of the book for me needs to be better.
However, I like the book and am about to back it.
Paul

Katie,
Maggie and Duncan make such a cute couple in the prologue to Breakout. I wish I could have known these two when they were so youthful and innocent and I could have told Maggie to be more careful on the swing. The plot outlined in your synopsis has much intrigue. I love having Maggie return to her hometown and reconnect with little Duncan when both of them have grown and changed. I enjoyed my visit to this charming story which has great appeal to young adults and some older ones who have retained their youthful ways.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Hello Katie.
YA is not something I read now (age consideration). I checked your pitch and wanted to read on—good sign.
You start with characters in motion and that makes for a good pace. The dialogue sounds real (more so for young readers, I guess).
Good balance of show and tell. Maggie sounds like a nicely developed character.
It’s late and I’m tired so I’ll stop at chapter three.
I’m backing it and wishing you good luck.
Dan

So I guess your planning a sequel with an ending like that. I was nearly going to write you a comment and tell you that Anastasia had used the wrong name at that last pivotal moment.
I enjoyed reading this and I read all the uploaded chapters. Its nice to have a tough trained heroine instead of a meek and mild one that needs rescuing all the time.
You built up the romance scenes really nicely, and introduced the underlying plot cleverly, by enticing the reader to keep going on to find out what her secret identity was all about.
It was a little more brutal towards the end, and I'm not sure about describing someone being shot between the eyes, it just seemed a little harsh in comparison to the rest of the story, but I can see that you want Maggies' character to come across as someone who's genuinely been a part of that espionage life. For the teen market, its a bit of a tricky one as to the amount of violence etc. But I'm sure an editor would advise you on that score.
Other than that, I think you have a winner here. I read a lot of these type of stories, and I had no trouble finishing this one. It didn't come across as overly cliched and had all the elements a good teen romance with a twist needs.
The writing flowed really well, and its certainly polished. You have a natural talent for this genre.
Will watchlist and star rate for now, and find a spot on my bookshelf in the coming weeks.
Well done, Cheers Jacoba

Katie,
"Breakout" has all the attributes of a good YA tale. Katie's being a child spy certainly opens the doors to intrigue, danger and high advetnure. Your prose is honest and concise, your dialogue sassy. There are some rough edges that need polishing up, nothing like a bit of tweaking here and there couldn't fix. One way to do this is to read your text out loud to make sure the words flow naturally. Thank you so much for the delightful read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

I've read the first few chapters, and so far I think this is a well-written story with promise. One thing I would suggest is working with the dialogue in chapter 1; it is too advanced for five year olds. Think about some 4-6 year olds that you know, and write the dialogue the way they would talk. Otherwise, I think everything is looking good so far. I've given you a star rating and am placing this book on my shelf. Good luck!

If you get a chance (and I know the first couple of weeks here are crazy, so take your time), please consider taking a look at my YA novel "Lies That Bind." Comments are appreciated, and if you feel it is worthy of your shelf, that of course is appreciate as well. Thanks!

Leigh