Suddenly Strangers

Wow All I can say is Simply amazing!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe how original and new it is. I can't wait to finish reading and I will when I have more time! Thank you for messaging It was a pleasure to read this first couple chapters!! :) Excellent and can't wait to find out what happens next!
Gladly backing and Proudly!

Wow, I'm left speechless. How is this not a bestseller. I loved the first chapter of this story. It was heart pounding as well as hilarious. I never knew giving birth was so unglamorous. The whole chapter you're like on the edge of your seat and the when Jane finally gives birth you sigh in relief... But wait, now there's a secret. Something Jane still had not confessed. So jealous, I really wish I could write something as clever as this!

OH THANK GOODNESS! There is some originality left in this world. It has been a long time since I have seen any original or unique concept particularly in the women's lit genre. It has all been done and then redone and then done once more for right good measure. Thank you for producing such a shining star among the masses. I am saddened that this book has not crossed my desk for a review because it is being published as it so obviously deserves.

I love the humor you intertwine in the opening paragraphs. You make the reader feel as if they are going into labor as well! This is genius, and I wish you the very best of luck with it. I would gladly buy this book for my personal collection. MJ

The story itself, with its ensemble of characters instantly helped me to set out those who I could speak to such as Emma and those who I wished to ignore; such as Jane. However and more inportantly the inner warmth of Kim and the blend of humor and philosophy meant that I can acknowledge the characters as individuals beyond that of the gloss of mills and boons or as you have aptly put: 'Hollywood' that I can imagine both on and off the page. I really am greatful for you sharing such a gem and wish you every sucess and luck. Emmalena Louisa Ellis

Janny
I would like to be able to say that I just read chapter 1 during my lunch break to get a feel for your book but unfortunately I have to say I've read to chapter 6!! Good job the boss is out! I'm totally immersed in the story. There's something about Emma that makes her very likeable and this makes you want to keep reading, to learn more about her, to empathise with her. I don't think much will get done at home tonight as I'll definitely have to ready more!!
Jane

Just read the Editor's Review. Not bad, kiddo! As much as I would like to disagree with some of the opinions, I think perhaps with this one, she has nailed it. Shifting POVs can be bumpy.

As for the characterization of Emma. I myself found the pattern of her behavior to be in line with a character who had been affected by the circumstances such as she had experienced. So in that regard, I'd have to disagree with the editor. Essentially, Emma has had her world turned upside down so the more irratic her behavior, the more telling of the result of her circumstance.

For what it's worth, I thought the same thing about the repeated use of the word 'pet'. Just saying.....

I've always thought the story had good market appeal in the Woman's Fiction genre. It is the kind of story that sells, pure and simple. This is by no means a bad review so I'd suggest getting out your tool box and tightening up a few things as suggested. You are on a great track to start. Best of luck.

E M Delaney

If I was basing my opinion solely on the pitch I would have to say this wouldn't be something I would normally read because it seems like way too much drama for me lol However, you have an absolutely excellent way of downplaying the angst with humor. The first chapter is a perfect example of that. The girls manage this witty banter while one is in labor, and of course this underlying connection that is exactly obvious yet. I am definitely hooked and will be reading on!

Wow All I can say is Simply amazing!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe how original and new it is. I can't wait to finish reading and I will when I have more time! Thank you for messaging It was a pleasure to read this first couple chapters!! :) Excellent and can't wait to find out what happens next!
Gladly backing and Proudly!

I read the description, expecting another stupid chick's story. Instead I got an original story of love and loss, and two enemies getting through unexpected hardship together. I see why it got to number one! I look forward to reading more.

Can't help thinking I've missed the boat, you've already made ed's desk. Unperturbed I decided to plough on and was very pleasantly surprised with what was before my eyes. A consummate piece of work, well described and with some compelling charactes, and character situations. I'm pleased you've reached the desk, you deserve it.

hey Janny, I have just upped you to six stars, help you stay on the editors desk, you deserve to be there, hope to see more of your story posted soon

Hello Janey,

Managed to read the first chapter, as that's all I have time for. I've got to say, I really enjoyed it. I particularly loved the labour scene, and the way you intwine humour into it.
I also loved reading the parts involving Emma's emotions. Personally, it's quite hard to relate to what she's going through, as she's much older than me and therefore, she would be able to handle an awful situation with maturity, whereas a young person would be fuming with jealousy and disgust over the whole thing. I particularly loved the paragraph "she couldn't tell which feeling was stronger, the slush that her heart was melting into, ot the burning bile of guilt stinging her gut" - I think the imagery and allierations a beautifully spot on here.
I'm interested to know how all of this started, particularly how David and Jane got together and how Emma dealt with it all, considering that she's the injured party. So I will watchlist and star this for now, until I have more space on my shelf :)

Hemisha

Let's get you to the desk!

Congrats on making number 5 :)

This is sooo good!!! I think it's hilarious and very well-written. Very creative, seriously. Def deserves my backing. I hope you get up past 6!

Wow, I'm left speechless. How is this not a bestseller. I loved the first chapter of this story. It was heart pounding as well as hilarious. I never knew giving birth was so unglamorous. The whole chapter you're like on the edge of your seat and the when Jane finally gives birth you sigh in relief... But wait, now there's a secret. Something Jane still had not confessed. So jealous, I really wish I could write something as clever as this!

Suddenly Strangers has a lively beginning and bright dialogue. I could see it as a television show, actually. As a novel, it has some flaws, mostly awkward sentences and some tired phrases - cliches are fine for characters' thoughts, but not so much in the narrative. I think this could be tightened up and smoothed with another round of editing. Look for unnecessary words like 'a little', etc. and cut them out. Also watch out for occasions when you tell the reader what's going on, even though you've shown it quite nicely. For instance, you show Emma breaking her resolve to be more mature, then immediately tell the reader 'it didn't take much to dint her positive attitude'. As a reader, I get my back up when the writer seems to think I'm too dim to get it without being poked in the ribs.

I'm not great with words so I'm finding it hard to express how much I LOVED this. I read every bit you have posted and now I am tearing my hair out that there isn't more. You're killing me here, I really need to know what happens. Does Jane get away with being such a cow? Are Emma and David ok? I really want them to be.

I like Daivd a lot, I don't know if that's your intention but he's a bit of a wally who seemed to let Jane bully him because he's too nice to hurt her feelings. I have a suspecion that there is more to Jane's baby than is coming out. Plese tell me if I'm right? I so badly need to know.

Are you characters based on people you know in real life? I'm guessing they are because they seem so so real. If they are Kim is a super best friend and you are lucky.

Six stars and backed until you reach the desk. Then I'm going to buy myself a copy.

I like this book. I will support you through the month of October until you get your review.
CS

This is a good chapter but I had trouble reading it through without skipping quickly, waiting for the big confession. See, if it's only 7 months earlier, Jane is already two months pregnant. I gather by the end of the chapter that David and Jane have not yet 'done the deed', so this is very confusing. If I were you, I would say something like nine months earlier or nine and a half months earlier. Otherwise, if you want to keep the timeline, the little baby boy is two months premature and would require a c-section. Sorry to be so nit picky, but having had my own daughter a couple days shy of her due date and need a forcep help and a friend who had her son two weeks AFTER her due date and required a c-section, I think you need to do a little bit of research to make sure your details are realistic enough. I promise to not be so nit picky on later chapters, but definitely had trouble with this timeline.

Jane,
Its funny I had a similar plot idea like yours many years ago.. but mine was a bit more...umm...erotic.

Cant wait to read this. Ive backed it and given it stars :)

Great opening chapter! It makes you want to read more......it makes you want to uncover the mystery which has been hinted at but not spilled forth. The character's have realistic dialogue and just the right amount of humor to carry the reader through with a smile. Very visually stimulating as well. I could easily picture the entire episode outside as well as inside of the hospital. Thanks for sharing and well done

Cheers
Amber Dee Taker's Rebellion

I have read the first 2 chapters and looking forward to reading more. I love the story and it is very well written. I felt like i was there. I will read more and let you know what I think.

Good Luck.
Helen

Janny,
I really like your book so far. I have read through chapter two and you have done a great job of establishing that both women have epic journeys ahead of them. Well done :)
-Charlotte

Just read chapter one. Sorry it took so long to get around to it. I'm definitely intrigued. Apart from a few missed words, this is surprisingly polished. Going up on my shelf for a little while and we'll see how you do. Good luck and I know I'll be reading more soon.

Amy ~First Taste of Love

Hi, as promised I read the first chapter of your book. To me, it seems the situation born out of evident sin (sorry if you dislike the word) and I don't feel comfortable to support it. Very sorry. I think you have a very witty and light-hearted style in writing that goes well with maybe less dramatic circumstances. So bravo for the writing skill, that you undeuable call your own.
I would have loved to give you another answer. May God bless you and your family and I wish you luck and success, A. Walker

I almost didn't read this after noting coming across a grammatical error in your LP, but I decided to move on. The premise is interesting enough, and the sort of thing chick lit readers seem to like, but the writing needs to be stronger. I trudged through it, but had to stop early on when I couldn't believe anyone with a woman in labor in their car would park so far away from the ER entry when every hospital is designed to easily accommodate incoming patients. Good Luck with the desk in October.

This is so my type of book. The characters are well written and encourage the reader to affiliate themselves with each one and begin a character/reader relationship that is important with all novels. Emma is very likeable and is the sort of lead character every story of this genre requires and she is balanced out with characters like Jane.
A good and unique opening and I wish you well with this!

Mae
'Ignited'

This was great. I haven't yet read a birth scene that detailed. The humor you put into the situation keeps the story flowing at a great pace. I was reluctant at the length of the first chapter glancing through at the start, but before I knew it, I was through it. I only have the time for chapter one today, but maybe I'll come back and read some more to see what's to come with the started confession of Jane's at the end of the first chapter.

I'm impressed with this writing. As long as you feel attached and are blown through a story, it is beyond expectations. This did it for me. I'll have to watch other categories from now on and see what people have to offer in other genres thanks to you.

Good luck with this.

D W McD (Demon Untold)

Great first chapter and the cliff-hanger ending is just what's needed to continue into chapter two. A good start.

The opening chapter was brilliantly written. I read the the first seven chapters and really enjoyed it. It started out humorous, and then became serious as the story progressed. Emma is a very likable character that you can easily symapthize with. I thought her parents reactions when they found out about David's unfaithfulness wasn't strong enough though. I'm not married yet, but I know that if my husband ever did that to me, my father would be furious.
Some light editing on all but the first chapter would be recommended.
Backed.

very intreauging

This reminds me of my marriages! It's still a great read, though! I can see this on the screen! Keep up the good work. I recently uploaded my bk, Words God Gave Me. It's inspirational poetry, for everyone, female, male, young, old, Christian, non-Christian; check it out when you get a chance, tell me what you think, this is my first. May God richly bless you!

hi Janny,
a nice birth-scene starts off the story and it is a real one with several accounts of body-fluids and grunting agony. (Please, let Kerri monitor the baby before the vaginal examination takes place, she'd be acting unprofessionally otherwise) At the same time there is a dark thread running through the birth-process which tells us that all is not well, and there is plenty of history behind the veil of new life being born. A very good hook indeed, which entices the reader to definitely read on, and so shall I. Backed on the strength of the first chapter.
Ame

Janny I loved this story as it is probably a more common occurence in life than people realise.

The characters were engaging and I can see real tensions and problems ahead for all concerned. I have read 3 chapters and will take another look shortly (It is a very bad time for me atm)

I thought the pace was good as it did not rush or move so slowly it got boring. I can only imagine the childbirth scene as it is something I have vowed never to go through and have stood by that since I was 12 years old.

I wish you the very best of luck with getting it to the ED. I have given you 6 stars and it is on my watchlist and I hope to find you some shelfspace soon.

I love this book, is there more and when will I be able to buy it? I want to display it proudly on my shelf. Your MC is human, she is not a self-sacrificing idiot but a warm flesh and blood woman who has to deal with the crap that is thrown at her. And boy, does she do it, just like we all do: self pity, ranting, raving, comfort eating but we know from chapter one that she finds it somewhere in herself to be brave and yes, I dare say it, perfect!

There are one or two or three typos, unfortunate but not irredeemable (you may want to tidy before you hit the ed's desk) and I will inbox you those. Otherwise I adored this, your writing style is fluid and easy to read.
Well done, fully starred and on my desk for a while!

E. Cameron

Darn, where did that Sunday go?

I haven't had time to read beyond chapter one, but what I've read is really pretty good. There are a few grammatial errors, but that may just be because you are, I'm guessing, British or European in general. I know there are grammatical differences between there and America, but I have to admit, even those few didn't really subtract from the story in any way. (Normally, I would have been off-put, but that just goes to show how good this is.) Anyway, when I have time, I will most certainly read on. Hell, I may even be able to get this in the bookstore eventually and send you a nice royalty check, right? OK, I've rambled on enough. I will go and back this.

This is the kind of story I love to read. You started in the middle which in intruiged me and made me think 'what the hell is happening?' I was hooked straight away. Your ability to induce humour into a dire situation is a skill which few posses but you managed to pull it off beautifully. I loved Emma, she was a character I easily warmed too, soft hearted but also sassy and gives as good as she gets. Her drunken escapades with Kim made me laugh out loud. Your characters are the type of people I would love to be friends with :)
I've read everything you've posted but now I find myself wanting more. If you do post the rest please, please tell me!
I wish you the best of luck with this novel it's fnatastic.
Highly backed with 6 stars!
Yasmin
- Guileless

Very, very good to read.

i went back to this, knowing I was eager to read more, but I couldn't remember where I left off. I picked up on chapter 6 and recognized that all of it through chapter 10 was what I'd read before. This time though, I noticed some specific typos that I didn't comment on before. You may find them helpful, so I'm including them here. I am anxious, though, to know where the story goes. I'll appreciate the rest of the story more when it appears if it has fewer small errors which tend to throw me as I read.

Before I start, I want to acknowledge that maybe I'm thinking like an American (which would make sense, of course) and maybe some of what I think are typos are really appropriate to your heritage. Mostly, though, I think it's a matter of not trusting spellcheck which knows spelling but not context.

1) there are several places where commas and/or periods are in order.
2) Chapter 6. next to last paragraph, should be "analyze" not "analysis."
3) Chapter 7. The Quinns versus [not verses] David.
4. Chapter 7. Standing looking in the bathroom mirror, she could see [not she] her eyes ...
5. Chapter 7. She left the envelope ... and proceeded [not preceded] ...
6. Chapter 7. I didn't know I needed to protect [not protected] you from me.
7) Chapter 8. Stuttering and stammer[ing] were [not was] ...
8) Chapter 9. ...lose her temper [not loose]
9) Chapter 9. What do you need that for ... confirming [not conforming] Kim's suspicions.
10) Chapter 9 (or 10?) ... positive aspect to losing [not loosing] David and again, ... lose [not loose] the hideous rug.
11) Chapter 9 (or 10) ... poor chid {child?] in school
12. Chapter 9 (or 10) ... so Kim could sit [not it] down
13. Chapter 9 (or 10?) .. What happened [to] you.

Is there a way to let us know when you've added more chapters?

Mrs. Job

Well written and original.

I have to thank you for directing me to your book. It is fantastic! Fresh, current, vivid and the plot has me completely hooked. I am dying to see what happens next!

This is brilliant! (:

Hi Janny. Tnhis my first review beyind school book reports so please forgive slopiness and unprofessional style.

I liked the characters and I can see real potiential for a gereat stoey here. it moved along at an easy pace which kept me drawn in and wanting to read more. The potential explosive situation bout best friend having husband's baby is very intriguing and I will definitely read more of it when I got time (trying to research atm)

I will give you loads of stars. I am having problems backing atm due to a javascript problemm but you never know it might let me.

Hi Janny,
I understand the obession with the Editor's Desk, after all, isn't that the primary reason we're all on this bloody site?

Anyway, I read six chapter of your novel and I think you have an original idea. I don't read too many romance novels but I do read them and I think you've got something going here. My problem, and of course this is just my opinion, is that your narrative is a little slow. But I think that part of the flow of the book in the sense that you want to create a back-drop that's got a strong degree of reality - hence the small talk between the characters. The positive aspect of this is that your characters aren't one dimensional. Did your real friends form the templates for some of these people? Hmm.

Jane obviously has serious issues and I'm interested to see what her ultimate fate is. Of the six chapters that I read the scene where David told Emma about his little mis-step was the strongest. Quite frankly I don't believe his "I was drunk" excuse either.

One structure observation: "It's double quotes" when your characters are speaking to one another. I like what I read enough to put you on my bookshelf though.

Again, you've got something going here "pet."

i personally, don't take to 'baby stories' very well, but your writing is incredily 'readable' in that you move the scenes/story along very well. added to the fact that i didn't manage to find any typos or other errors, i was pleasantly surprised. to lighten it just a little, a couple of comic turns would have been welcome.
thank you for the invite. hope you make the desk.
kaye

Dear Faith
congrats for making it into the top ten. I have been off authonomy re-editing so have lost all rateings so I'm spaming looking for support for my Tales for Children
Thanks Brian, and sorry about the spam

Dear Faith
congrats for making it into the top ten. I have been off authonomy re-editing so have lost all rateings so I'm spaming looking for support for my Tales for Children
Thanks Brian, and sorry about the spam

Enjoyed the first 2 chapters. Happy to place you on my shelf. Good Luck! Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
61BBboy

Janny, I read your first chapter with interest. Your writing is focussed and moves fast. Of course ch 1 is all about labour, and you did it well, with a moment or two of humour. It may be an idea to include a little more humour into this tense situation. Not for the subject, but for the reader.

You have certainly edited this very well. I found no mistakes. Your style is very suited to this genre, and the dialogue doesn't seem forced, but very natural. Only one word sticks out for me, and that is - liturgically.

After the birth "Emma sat liturgically with her arms folded ..." I wonder if she might just be sitting with her eyes closed and arms folded...? Just a thought.

It came! Your hook at the end of that chapter. I kept thinking, there must be something to this birth. Because everything seemed too normal. That was brilliant.

Another thought is that there might be one or two small hints of something untoward during the labour, to keep the reader reading....to increase the tension.

Well done for getting so far up. You're on the desk next month! I'm putting your book on my Watchlist to read some more.

Best wishes
Marilyn x

I've backed you but have too much to read. I hope it's enought to tip you over the top.
all the best
Geoff.

I've only read the first chapter. Will read more when I have time. This is a wonderful, original story. Definitely from everything else. Your characters are great and believable. I love the honest voice you use. Hopefully I can read the rest on here. If not I'll have to buy a copy after it's published.

Hi Janny, enjoyed what you do with the genre. You truly make it your own...you have your own voice, very refreshing!

blessings,
Jim

Hi Janny, thanks for the repeat request to read Suddenly Strangers: it's three weeks since the site wouldn't let me see ch2 and my memory is attrocious so I forgot to try again. This is not my genre and I don't usually relate to characters who spend so much energy on clothes, shoes, make-up and drinking and can't cook, however, the book is well written and Emma is a caring character who made me want to know what happened next. I'm sure others have given a line by line list of errors, so I'll just say I'll be back to read more. Book backed.
cats4

Janny,

Suddenly Strangers opens well -- a funny, unromanticized look at childbirth in an absurdly complicated situation. The voice is snarky and over-the-top in celebrated chick-lit fashion. We come in at the end of the story, then go back to learn how we got there, which is what anyone who reads chapter one is going to want to do.

Chapters 2 and 3 didn't seem as strong, partly because the action can't possibly be as dramatic. It's still funny, just not as funny. Granted, this is not really my genre; I can't relate to stereotypical chick-lit heroines who fuss over clothes, shoes and makeup, can't cook, and bitch about other women. I'd rather see the Emma that David fell in love with, and it's hard to find her in these chapters. It wasn't clear how the girls-night-out chapter was going to relate to the overall plot, but I assume that's revealed as things go along -- hopefully something about the importance of strong friendships.

Some general things to look at: something happens with the formatting from chapter 2 on that makes the line spacing erratic. Possibly some stray hard returns have crept in the middle of paragraphs. Also, the point of view occasionally wanders. The story is almost entirely from Emma's POV, but will occasionally switch to someone else for a sentence or two. This is jarring and pulled me out of the story. This story seems like it would be best from just Emma's point of view. If you want to do multiple points of view, it's usually best to devote a whole scene to single POV, and to make sure that the POV character has enough at stake to carry it.

Specific edits for correction:

Ch 1
There wasn't room to swing a cat, never mind, open the door . . . don't need the comma after cat.

The sentence beginning, "Jane will have . . ." slips into present tense when the rest of the narrative is in past.

You refer to Jane and Emma as "the girls" when they're clearly adults. OK, it's colloquial, but it didn't work for me, partly because Emma doesn't really like Jane. Jane is not "one of the girls." It works better in the girls-night-out scene where Emma is with her friends. It also makes sense for Emma to consider the receptionist a girl, especially if she's actually chewing bubble gum.

But Jane as her softly called her name. This sentence lost something along the way.

situation that kart wheeled . . . make the verb one word: I'd spell it "cartwheeled"

It seemed a little weird that everybody they meet in the hospital is young: the receptionist, the midwife, the student nurse. I don't know how old Emma and Jane are, but they don't seem very old, either. Mix it up a little -- maybe make the midwife older and capable-looking, or have the receptionist be a cranky old lady.

collective approach I think you want "collected"

Emma sat liturgically. I don't even know what this is supposed to mean.

'You still don't know the truth, do you? she asked . . . Needs a close quote

Ch 2

food poising should be poisoning

Capitalize nicknames like Mother and Father only when they are being used as names, not when it is "her mother" or "her father"

bright pink coronations carnations?

Don't need to capitalize kitchen in the middle of a sentence.

Emma choose to ignore it should be chose to ignore it.

back peddling should be backpedaling (pedal like a bicycle, not peddle as in sell)

Ch 3

Kim must be physic. You want "psychic"

But not to skimpy. You want "too"

. . . although KIm's clothes always make her feel better . . . You want "made"

grizzly bouncer Did you mean "grizzled"?

The paragraph beginning "The whole thing . . ." wanders in and out of present tense.

You have a good idea here for a "soapy" plot handled with humor and sass.

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED
ENDURANCE