CLOAK AND DAGGER: OPENING GAMBIT

Dear Robin,

Wow! The pitch enthralled me. I loved your choice of names – Dramascus for an actor and Vanguard for an ex-soldier, very inventive. TIGHTROPE reminded me so much of THUNDER Agents, a popular comic book from the ‘60s, and one of my favourites. The premise was no less interesting – one pro and the other a role player brought together against their wishes and made to fight the good fight.

The opening chapter with the chessboard sequence was quite visual. But, I was left wondering whether it really happened or was it meant to be metaphorical; great writing, nonetheless. The next chapter started on the right note, but quickly switched over to a ‘tell’ mode. I’d suggest that you find some other device to feed this essential back-story. If I were you, I’d plug in a separate sequence inside the TIGHTROPE HQ where the top brass would be shown discussing the ‘file’ of their next potential recruit. The TV interview can also be easily built into it.

The best thing about the narrative so far is the dialogue. It’s brilliant. You’re extremely good at it, and I’d request you to breathe in some more conversation into the opening chapters of your story. The nature of your narrative demands it. Your rich experience and research are both quite evident from your detailed descriptions.
6 stars for now, and I look forward to reading the rest of this adventure.

Best regards,
AGC

Have finally read first five chapters, mate. Haven't read middle yet, but on this evidence can't wait to read the next novel in the series. Imagery and imagination v strong.

this is an involved thriller. well thoughout, well written with good narrative and effective dialogue that moves the whole thing along...
ON MY WATCHLIST...
read SEASONS...

Hi Ian,
Thank you for your detailed comments.
Rather like a blockbuster film, there are a number of things going on before a) we can get Dramascus and Vanguard together and b) we're sure of our destination.
Dramascus isn't intended to be the point of view character for Chapter 3. Its Simone, while the reader guesses who the thief is.
I'm well aware of the term "info dump" from my work screenwriting and find it a little depressing that novels, once the traditional preserve of backstory, are expected to be as spare as a script.
However, I agree with the full pitch book blurb and have extended it.
Regards,
Robin Calvert

Hi Robin
You have an amazing gift for detailed exposition that shows your research and experience. At the moment, I feel the first couple of chapters are holding back the story. I want to get into the characters and action, but there’s heaps of backstory dumped that I feel is slowing down my understanding of the story.
The other consideration is point of view. There are lots of characters introduced early, and lots going on, and I found it difficult to get into the mind and behaviour of one character. I’m figuring that Dramascus is one of the protagonists, but while I get lots on his background, I don’t feel I am yet “inside” his head.
Short pitch: I’m wondering if you can get a hook about the plot into the short pitch rather than just saying what the book is? Like: “An actor and a bounty hunter are kidnapped and blackmailed into becoming spies… only to blah blah blah…”
Long pitch: Maybe a little more here like the back cover of a book. Need some explanation about the stakes and maybe who the antagonist is – what are they trying to achieve and who is trying to stop them and why? Some of this needs to come out here.
Ch1: Great detail, and clear suspense, however I was confused about what was happening here, and the last line didn’t gel with what had come before.
Ch2: There is a good deal of backstory here, that maybe could be slotted in without a big “info dump”?
Ch3: More backstory, and I’m trying to figure out how the story relates to Ch1.
I think you have the makings of a great story here if you can get the structure and content right.
Good luck Robin,
Ian

I am always on the lookout for good spy novels (I've written one myself), and this one looks interesting. I love the title--it's what got me to read the book. The pitch, while having potential, if written with more feeling could really fill the house. Love the name Dramascus. Excellent. I've read chapter 1 and plan to read chapter 2 tonight. For now I've watchlisted you. I look forward to reading more! Good luck, J. Kinkade

Ch2 reads like a stream of consciousness. The back story in parts is overwhelming and then we are into action, and then more back story. The pace does not let up. This style could be quite deliberate on your part and I have to say it is unusual compared with other reads on this site. When developing a character I will often write their story of say 1 or 2 pages, then when it comes to the novel very little of that will get in. Dramascus certainly has center stage and shares everything with us. I have a nagging feeling I might be missing something. Different...very different.