Match

Marna is a cleverly written YA novel that combines several different themes, all of which are popular within this genre. In a sense it’s kind of like blending coffee. The mix is so unique that it takes on its own flavor, its own identity, yet it’s still good coffee at its heart.

The main character of Marna LaFontaine is a perfect YA hero, a sarcastic and confident young girl who is uniquely suited to be courted by daimons, which are supernatural beings that help and also hinder us poor humans. She talks like someone her age would talk, and deals realistically with developing situations in a rapidly moving plot. The dialog is particularly strong and entertains as it advances the plot.

Author Stephanie L. Prater has put several themes into the book. There is the young girl who is just awakening socially, the supernatural elements, the feelings of loss with the death of her parents and the general struggles found within the YA genre. The love triangle that forms between the daimon of death and her own personal guardian, with the help of the meddlesome Cupid (also a daimon) is priceless. Because the story is so well told, the fantastic seems believable here. Even though I am well outside the target market for YA, I very much enjoyed Marna. It should have no trouble finding a large group of fans once published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

I really loved your book. I read a lot of YA fantasy and otherwise and I really think your work is well done. Marna's character is so relatable with how sarcastic and emotional she is. I think readers of YA will also relate to her. I really can't think of anything negative to say about it. Your descriptions are sparse, but often I found that the sparseness worked like when you described Rorick's eyes as black eight balls. I saw some comments about the pace of the story, but I liked the fast pace. I would say that that works for YA readers in general. I guess my only concern is that Marna really will eventually have to choose either Cormac or Rorick and then Cupid will eventually win. I mean, I understand her need to not hurt either of them, but I guess I question whether or not she is not causing them more grief by not investing in just one of them. However, that could just be a personal thing. I really enjoyed reading and can't wait for your next book.

Marnie and pop up books? I loved it She's a fiesty character and gives it to Cormac between the eyes. The dialogue is entertaining and believable. Great work. Have given it a high rating.
Regards, Red
Illusions of Comfort

Love it! Love the mystery and the romance aspect! Only had time to read the first 3 chapters but will be back for more!!!!!

Great read highly stared and backed!!!

Very interesting read! I wanted to read more after chapter 5. Although with the endings of chapter 1 and 2, I felt that the similar ending sentence was cheesy. The rest of the writing, however, is very young and relatable and I liked the style. It felt very modern but seemed to have a bit of fantasy flare to it. very nice!

Ends of chapter one and two-- the night and the dark are doing alot of swallowing.

Marna is a cleverly written YA novel that combines several different themes, all of which are popular within this genre. In a sense it’s kind of like blending coffee. The mix is so unique that it takes on its own flavor, its own identity, yet it’s still good coffee at its heart.

The main character of Marna LaFontaine is a perfect YA hero, a sarcastic and confident young girl who is uniquely suited to be courted by daimons, which are supernatural beings that help and also hinder us poor humans. She talks like someone her age would talk, and deals realistically with developing situations in a rapidly moving plot. The dialog is particularly strong and entertains as it advances the plot.

Author Stephanie L. Prater has put several themes into the book. There is the young girl who is just awakening socially, the supernatural elements, the feelings of loss with the death of her parents and the general struggles found within the YA genre. The love triangle that forms between the daimon of death and her own personal guardian, with the help of the meddlesome Cupid (also a daimon) is priceless. Because the story is so well told, the fantastic seems believable here. Even though I am well outside the target market for YA, I very much enjoyed Marna. It should have no trouble finding a large group of fans once published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Marna is a cleverly written YA novel that combines several different themes, all of which are popular within this genre. In a sense it’s kind of like blending coffee. The mix is so unique that it takes on its own flavor, its own identity, yet it’s still good coffee at its heart.

The main character of Marna LaFontaine is a perfect YA hero, a sarcastic and confident young girl who is uniquely suited to be courted by daimons, which are supernatural beings that help and also hinder us poor humans. She talks like someone her age would talk, and deals realistically with developing situations in a rapidly moving plot. The dialog is particularly strong and entertains as it advances the plot.

Author Stephanie L. Prater has put several themes into the book. There is the young girl who is just awakening socially, the supernatural elements, the feelings of loss with the death of her parents and the general struggles found within the YA genre. The love triangle that forms between the daimon of death and her own personal guardian, with the help of the meddlesome Cupid (also a daimon) is priceless. Because the story is so well told, the fantastic seems believable here. Even though I am well outside the target market for YA, I very much enjoyed Marna. It should have no trouble finding a large group of fans once published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Hi Stephanie--

book- Marna-

Had this book on my watch-list for some time, but somehow the stark and bland cover was a little off putting;
However, just look at what i have missed; it is one of the better fantasy, paranormal reads on this site that i have read to date.

The tags had indicated the four type of reads i enjoy for light entertainment and enjoyment, not too deep and usually easy to read style of writing.
After reading four chapters and scan read some chunks more. it will be retained on my watch-list to read more, it's that good; well, i really want to know what is going to happen to Marna; it got me hooked.
The prologue i found very informative for the story to come. As death come to Marna in the first chapter; which i found to be a gripping one, and made me anxious to read second right away, however; chapter showed error in system and would not show- on to chapter three i go-Where more tension abounds as Marna is told to pass the hospital with Izzie's body in the back to a new destination, and what a strange and weird place this is. you create a great atmosphere in your writing here, i had all sorts of visions in my mind as i read the pages.
shock; Izzie is alive, well for the moment the walking dead perhaps.
yes; a book i will come back and re-visit, for its paranormal effect which as i said i enjoy.
this book awaits success sooner rather than later and i wish you Stephanie all the best with it.

tom bye.
-book - from hugs to kisses'
if you glance at mine you will see the four segments covered in your tags, chapter.38 and22romance--c16fantasy-41 love triangle-18 paranormal- read any, comment if time and star. thanks

Okay, I'm stopping at chapter seventeen to take a breather, mostly because I've neglected my job half the day. Marna is one of the most delightful YA manuscripts I've ever read and has INCREDIBLE screenplay potential. This is fresh though comically reminiscent of Meet Joe Black, and it sits in that hard to reach spot of enchanting without being cliche or trashy. I suppose what I love most is the strong, first-person voice that often has me laughing aloud at my desk and then looking embarrassed. Though this is much more fun than all the Twilight garbage, I find the tension between Marna, Cormac, and Rorick absolutely mesmerizing-- to the point that I can't decide which guy (or team) to root for. I love how you developed the Raine character though I secretly wish her name was Raina. Yes, there are mechanical errors and word substitutions. Yes, you turn phrases a bit strangely at times BUT all of this pales alongside the addictive plot and shining characters.

Rowling, eat your heart out (sorry that sounds gross)! I'd rather get lost in Marna's world than Harry's any day of the century. ;-)

Chapters 1-3

I blasted through the first two chapters, loving it and thinking how much your voice reminds me of a female Rick Riordan. But chapter three threw me for a loop because I can't figure out who the heck Cormac is and what embarrassing thing happened. Am i missing a prologue or something?

Despite my sudden confusion, I found Marna delightful and in the perfect vein for YA literature that god-hungry, vamp-loving teens will really get into. Mechanically, there were very few, if any, errors. Though you do tend to structure your sentences starngely at times and I have to re-read to understand what's happening.

This has been on my watchlist for some time. Sorry it's taken me so long to read! 5 stars!!

The concept is very innovative. YA is not my genre, however I found the prologue very interesting and was keen to know how Marna does her juggling act. Marna's narration is witty and I am sure a lot of young readers will grow fond of her. I have given it a 5 star ranking. Best of luck.

Teen fiction really isn't my thing, Stephanie but I was impressed by the pace and directness of your opening chapter. The prose feels very polished with an attractively casual, almost by-the-way tone which gives it an interesting, unusual quality. I enjoyed the little prologue (altho I do wonder if younger readers will be all that interested in Marna's Persephone musings??) Marna's voice has an appealing energy and forthrightness which should appeal to your target readers.Once or twice, tho, Marana's voice did feel slightly distant for a first person narrative (eg. 'I gasped', 'I shivered in response') which you may want to look at?? The dialogue feels purposeful and real and adds even greater impetus to what is already an energetic opening. There's a definite sense of a complex, multi-layered storyline taking shape which should appeal to YA readers.

I did wonder why, if this is designed to appeal to teen readers, you chose to make your lead character a College undergrad rather than, say, a high school student? Presumably there are plot reasons but I would imagine teen readers would more readily identify with someone in their own specific age group??

I also wondered why you've chosen to use the past tense in this first person narration. Whenever I read something written in first person/past tense I immediately start questioning how the narrator can accurately remember precise details - especially dialogue - from each scene. Wouldn't it be simpler to use present tense (or maybe even third person/past)?? Similarly, as Marna is narrating the novel from a standpoint some time in the future (presumably after the story has ended), the reader immediately knows she survives her ordeal with the demons intact, which does rather undermine the element of suspense/peril. Just a thought.

I will read on but high stars for now. Thanks. A

i really like your first chapter. i find it intriguing and different, very different. i cant say i have heard of anything quite like this. its great that youve managed to find something extremely unique compared to all the other YA books out there. i like both of your pitches- they hooked me for sure. your first chapter has a wonderful pace, and even though im not usually a fan of fantasy, it felt almost real and i enjoyed what i read. one thing id like to point out is once in a while i noticed a couple commas missing here and there. not a big deal so not too much to worry about. rated highly and i wish you the very best of luck with this.

hoping to hear your feedback on Gut Instincts (hopefully ill have edited the first couple chapters by then),
melissa :)

Hello Stephanie,

It takes talent to write a fantasy. Few can do it as well as you. "Marna" is a fascinating tale, combining mythological and modern themes, weaving between dreams and reality. Once started, the tale is addictive, each chapter propelling the reader into the next--much as Scheherazade led the king on, saving her life, until he fell in love and made her his queen. Yours is one of the most intriguing stories I've read on Authonomy, a work of art. It deserves a wide audience.

Bil Carrigan
(The Doctor of Summitville")

Marna is an enticing book which will draw a wide audience.The prologue is extremely sharp, introducing the story of Persephone—a seasonal girl—into the mix. In fact, this myth was always one of my least favorite also. I thought Persephone was delusional and consumed with depression when in fact she was immobilized with terror and kidnapped. But then Hades might have been mighty handsome with big muscles . . .

The first sentence in Chapter 1 provides a great hook. We meet Marna and her practical, vibrant friend Izzie in the library doing inventory on a Friday night. Exposition of their meeting is brief and well crafted. Marna is a no-nonsense girl equipped with a mocking wit we all enjoy but she is haunted by the death of her parents. Left alone briefly whilst Izzie gets the Pepto Bismo, Marna begins to sing. We know the library is a ‘tomb of a building’ so it’s likely the acoustics were astounding. But when Izzie returns, she collapses and everything goes dark. The end of this chapter is extremely sinister, a galloping page-turner to chapter 2.

Unable to rouse Izzie, Marna comes face-to-face with a stranger. The visual I had here was a nine foot tall man, sharply dressed, smooth like a Bendix Bittermint. But he knows her . . . very well. I love the fantastical elements here, her fingers reaching of their own accord and his sensual allure. There is a comical strain throughout this book that is well crafted and it’s hard not to let out a giggle even in the most bizarre of situations. But Marna is driven to help Izzie, a special friend, and this is where the plot races forward.

A hairy ride to the hospital in chapter 3 transports us to a dream-like environment which is as mysterious as her guardian. Hiccups amidst giggles brought an extra dimension to the characters we have grown to like and the dialogue is crisp and entertaining. I steamed through the first three chapters unaware of nits (there were some typos, we all have them) which causes the eye to re-read that sentence just to make sure. Great active voice and written in the first person definitely launches this book skywards. I can easily see it published.

Before my internet connection grinds to a halt again this afternoon, I am giving this book high stars for originality and for its obvious appeal to a YA audience. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

I read some of this yonks ago and always meant to read more. When I started reading CH1, I thought, er, why haven't I read this before. The bit about Persephone is a fabulous prologue. Then when I got to the real Ch1, I realised (with a sigh of relief that I wasn't mental) I had read this before. I much, much prefer this opening rather than the old one. Read six Chs in no time at all. I also like that you've got on with Marne's 'specialness' sooner. Or at least it feels that way.

I adore Marne because she's an oddball, I love the singing thing (despite its side effects), and the introduction of Rorick and Cormack. I really liked the flashback to meeting Cormack. Nicely done. And I loved 'Death' in his tux. :)

I had a few nits...

Ch 2 - "It felt sticker on my exposed skin..." should that be 'sticky'?
Ch3 - "sticky". We'd just had sticky in Ch2. Maybe it's 'stuck' in my head because of the typo above? But maybe could do with another adjective here.
How long has she known Izzy? I felt (in Ch5) that Izzy ought to know Marne's schedule and Raine's name by this point.

Lovely. Ace. So glad I came back for more.

Is it YA? I suppose so, but it's definitely the kind of book I'd buy.

Cx

Stephanie, as promised I've read a few chapters, up to the end of chapter six. It's showing a lot of promise and I can see it having massive appeal to your target YA market.

For once, I really don't have much to say as there is nothing I think I can constructively add. It's well written, I only spotted a couple of very minor typos, it moves at a great pace, the structure works, the narrative and dialogue flow well and feel authentic. You have some great hooks here for your market, Marna is different, not fitting in easily with her peers, she has a mysterious power and a darkness, the enigma of what happened her parents hanging over her. Then there are two love interests, so potential for an interesting triangle, and in these opening chapters either of them could be the one to win the girl. The closeness of her friendship with Izzie is a good tool to show what sort of person Marna can be, the fear and tension she feels at the 'hospital' show how strongly she can feel for another person (but yet she has those moments of vulnerability and human weakness when she worries about consequences for herself and watches Cormac). I understand Marna is afraid to expose the monster side of herself to her only friend but I hope as the chapter progresses there will be opportunity for more banter between the two friends and that Marna finds an ally in her against the monster side of her life.

Good moments and hooks in the blood dreams and the evil twin.

So overall, worthy of high stars and am certain you will do very well with this.

Steph

as promised I have shelved the book. It deserves to be backed.

Tracey

Okay. I've read four chapters and this is excellent. I like Marna-- she's very down-to-earth, and this power of hers is mysterious-- I want to find out who she is. Is she somehow related to death? And what about Cormac? Also, these references to chess... the queen over the hospital door... rook hall... what do they mean? Interesting stuff. And I'm not sure yet whether or not to root for Death or Cormac... which sounds weird, lol.

There were some typos, but so few that I won't bother mentioning them. You have a really great story, and I'm going to star highly and shelve this for a time. I can totally see this on a bookstore shelf in the YA section someday, and I'd better finish reading before you have to take it down for a publisher!

Good luck with this. :D

Jasmine

Stephanie,

I really loved this. The premise is clever and the style is engaging. I loved Marna; her voice is just right. I am putting you on my watchlist and will back you as soon as I have a space...I WILL read more!

Tracey

Loved the concept and although this is not my normal genre it gripped me enought to read it for a good half hour.
The idea is great, the characterisation is great and the story spreads itself out at a pace which kept my attention - I wanted to read more and more. And I will!

Backed Marna. Just the type of book YA readers love read. It has the fantasy, love triangle, a sassy main character. The writing style and language is true to the age group. Unique theme with characters from Greek mythology. One suggestion: Several of the sentences are rather long in length. Divide into smaller sentences.

Example:
Sentence too long: Persephone was apparently quite the pieces of eye candy in her day in ancient Greece and a goddess to boot, which was a status that tended to make dames extra sexy of body and generally glittery, or so I’m inclined to believe.

Suggested change: In ancient Greece, Persephone was apparently quite the pieces of eye candy and a goddess to boot. A status that tended to make dames extra sexy of body and generally glittery, or so I’m inclined to believe.

Good luck on your rise to the top. Hope you will take time to look at our book, Dark Side.
CC Brown

A very compelling story. Marna is a very likeable character. The story was well paced and kept my interest. I am not an editor or an English teacher. I read books that interest me. I am "My boy's Daddy." I read to support my wife, Faith Rose. Good luck with your book.

Stephanie,
Marna is such an intriguing piece! This will do very well among your target young adult audience. The opening prologue is genius... mixing the reference of Greek mythology with an upbeat, modern, conversational tone. Your writing style keeps the story engaging and flowing smoothly, too! I Some gems I found: "It tasted like old pennies..." and "a hum slipped off my tongue smooth as silk..." I love the flashback to Marna's childhood, building such an intrigue around death and her parents. The suspense is perfectly paced in chapter 2-3... with Izzie and the arrival of Cormac. Very polished writing! Highly starred.

Faith Rose
Now To Him

I read your first two chapters:

General comments: Intriguing premise. Gripping start. A likable main character. By the end of the first chapter I cared about how things would work out for Marna. Excellent world building. Effective sense of place. Vivid imagery. Well-managed tension. Crisp pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) ' ... while discussing whether or not it made since to keep my butt elevated ... ' 'Since' should be 'sense.'
2) Consider reducing the number of exclamation marks by half. Overuse diminishes their effectiveness.
3) Good end of chapter hook.

Specific comments on the second chapter:
1) ' ... nestled in each others arms.' Others (plural) should be other's (possessive).
2) 'It felt sticker on my exposed skin like ... ' 'Sticker' should be 'sticky.'
3) "Are you here to help or ... " Consider replacing the ellipsis ( ... ) with an em-dash. Use an ellipsis for hesitation. Use an em-dash for interruption. Since Death seems to interrupt Marna, an em-dash is appropriate.
4) Another good end of chapter hook.

I hope these comments help you further polish your all important opening chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Oak" and let me know what you think?

Have a fabulous day.

Al

I really like the prologue/intro. Got a feel for your voice immediately. I'm not sure if I fully understood the abdominal pain and blue lips. I thought at first she's was bleeding internaly and was the one about to croak. Then when death came Izzie, Who was described perfectly btw, I forgot about it. You might re-read "It felt sticker on my exposed skin" stickier?

My current work in progress is YA, about halfway finished (not posted). My MC dies in the first chapter. Not in the library in physics lab. :)

Best,
Bill
any thoughts on HAKTAW HEART would be appreciated

"The night I met Death, my gut hurt." What a great hook! It's one of the best first lines I've red. Sorry it's taken me a while to get to reading your book, Stephanie. Thanks for asking me to, I got really into it and am enjoying every sentence so far. There's a small sentence typo in the middle of chapter too where you have a period after the word then and a capital "It". But other than that, this is truly polished. I'm on chapter four and still glued.
Very entertaining. Watchlisted, starred and will shelf as soon as my current promises are kept.
Connie
Moonstone Beach

I love that this starts with the story of Persephone...with a twist. It's up to date and you made it very engaging. It is probably one of my favorite myths. I love the first chapter, and you MC seems to be off to a good start. I am going to go ahead and watch list you and will definitely be back for more. If you ever want me to look over anything specific, I would be happy to. Just let me know. Best of luck with it.

Ashley
Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket

You write with the style and prowess of a seasoned professional, which begs the question why this work is here and not on its way to an agent's desk. I loved every second.

I love the subtle blend of fantasy and reality and its nice to see two young friends just casually talking about greek/roman mythology.

6 Stars

Marna your book was recommended to me by Simpyangel. I've watch listed and and looking forward to digging in. Your pitch hooked me.
Connie
Moonstone Beach.

I love this so much. Great changes. I wanted them both so much. I wanted Cormac for his strength and his sheer manliness and I wanted Rorick because he's awesome and compassionate and he just GETS her so well. I ate up her "moments of weakness" because they read passionately and seriously made me weak in the knees. This is brilliant. I think I feel just a slight lean toward Rorick, but for the most part I love the fight for her heart. I just want her to have both and I can't begrudge Marna for falling so hard for either guy. They're just GREAT FREAKING guys! Cupid was a great antagonist. He was annoying and crazy. He cracked me up there in the end with the Court and pissed me off at the same time. I wanted something bad to happen to him. I like to imagine what it'd be like if Cormac could get his hands on him.

Stephanie, despite the plot not being my sort of thing, your writing is fresh and funny. I have rated your book and wish it well.
Fran Macilvey, Trapped

I loved the prologue, the first line was a little clunky, but overall I liked how the story begun.
Your writing is very descriptive and I particularly like how you described death personified. It helped draw me into the story, and I think I may know what Marna is.
Sometimes I felt as though you could of trimmed off some words here and there, but perhaps this is just me. I definately loved what I've read so far and will be back to read some more when I get the time.
Kindest regards :)

I should preface this by saying this is not a genre which is usually read.
I wasn't keen on the Prologue but found myself hooked in Chapter one. The character of Marna is fascinating with her past tragedies and strange symptoms in the present. There are enough mysteries introduced in the first two chapters to make the reader want to continue.
I noticed a typo in Chapter One. When they are in the emergency ward, it should read 'it made sense' not 'since'.
I have only read the first two chapters. I'll comment again when I have read more.
Valerie

Chapter 3

"Cormac asked the question . . . strange to him." This whole sentence needs to be looked at or trimmed down. It's a bit much.

Pretty fast pace except after the hospital. I would only trim a little though. Everything else works. I still want to keep on reading to see what happens to her. She will remain the driving force of this story and so she should.

Chapter 2

Great description of him. This chapter is definitely a lot better than the first.

The touch him or run part. Is he fighting with her? It sounds like he is controlling her.

I was a little confused with the sentence "Looking into his face . . ., into home."

Again, I still think you should describe more where she is. Not just do it once and assume we should remember. Sometimes we forget because we had took a break after reading chapter 1. When the lights flickered on, I couldn't picture what I was looking at. I wasn't even sure where she was.

By the end of the chapter, I still wanted to read more. I was curious after he said "it's done" where he went and what will happen. You sure do have some writing skills. During the mid-point of the chapter I forgot that I was reading an unpublished manuscript. It seemed very professional. Can't wait to read more.

Chapter 1

Great intro. For one I'm intrigued by the idea that she still ends up falling for a guy that keeps on deceiving her. I'm curious why. And it was very necessary to have the beginning before you started the chapter because you know there is going to be something between her and death. Also, you have a great sense of humor and how to put words together. Something that struggle with.

Only problem that I had with the first chapter is that I would like to see more scene description. Sometimes it was hard to visualise what I was reading. But it wasn't a big problem.

I had a great image of her trying to keep her butt raised.

I will be reading the next chapter. Would you like to do a chapter by chapter read?

Stephanie,

There is so much to like about Marna I don't know where to start. I love your descriptions like 'Izzie was a toothpick with arms.'

And I love the mystery of who all these strange people are and what Marna did to her parents.

And I love that she is a caring person, shown by her staying with Izzie all night and waking her every 2 hours.

I can't find anything to suggest for improvement. Your writing is so polished and confident!

I've read thru chapter 8 and will read more as soon as I can. Hopefully I can learn a few things from you.

BTW, I really want to become a better writer. I know my book, The Pahana isn't very good, but if you could take a look at it and maybe give me some pointers, I would really appreciate it.

Best always,
Brenda

Really nice read, couldnt put it down. The use of language is supperb, dialogue fantastic and this def moves at the right pace. Great find. will read the rest over next few days. Lovely stuff.

Damn!

I hate you! No, I love you! No, I don't know what I feel.

I read only the prologue and the 1st chapter, but I know this is the voice I've been trying to achieve for the last year and a half.

Damn!

I got so emotional I had to stop and get out of the house for awhile. But I had nowhere to go so I just went out to the backyard and stared at the night sky for half an hour.

I have to go to work in the morning, but I know I can't sleep.

Marna is the best thing I've seen here. Maybe the best thing I've seen anywhere. She's smart, funny, sarcastic, irreverent, hip...

And the story? It's perfect! It grabs you right away and doesn't let go. The characters practically jump off the page. I don't know what else to say. I have to go back and read some more, but I don't know if I can stand it.

More later,

Brenda

So far I have got to chapter 7 and I am really enjoying the read - it is very well written and when I have more time I am coming back to finish it off.

This is such a unique story and I like the way it is written in the first person and that I can really get inside Marna's head and feelings so quickly in the book. The reality of the discourse between the characters is excellent. I would love to see this as a film! Just the colours of the hair, lips, eyes etc are so well described that I can see it all in my mindseye.

I am looking forward to finishing this one. Best of luck and I'll come back with more comments soon as I read on.

Jayne.

Hi there -

I liked the premise of this book a lot so I really wanted to get drawn in. One thing that bothered me from the outset is that Marna makes herself out to be dumber than she really is - because as a narrator she is really quite eloquent and smart and I found that a bit jarring. Otherwise the introduction is well written and paced nicely.

In chapter 1 I found it strange that she had a car - because she is supposed to be on scholarship. I was also confused about what happened to her parents - this in unclear. Perhaps this is something that will be revealed later.

Anyhow I read through chapter three and definitely found myself drawn in to the story. I am extremely curious to find out what happens next and think you have the premise for a great urban fantasy novel here with a really original story and idea.

I wish you luck with it and hope to find the time to read more soon.

All the best,

Rena (would love it if you could find the time to read and comment on my story too!)

In the prologue we are introduced to the MC, Marna LaFontaine and her admission to LaBroc University. The prologue engages the reader immediately. The story is told in first person narrative and the author does a good job of creating an MC with an authentic and pleasing voice. We are led to understand that there's something amiss at LaBroc University but are left to ponder what it might be.
**I had to re-read the first sentence of your last paragraph (in the prologue) and I'm still not quite sure what you mean by it. You might want to rephrase it.

Correction: "Had they done so on my tour(,) I('d) like( ) [redact the "d" so that it reads like and not liked] to think I would have had the sense to run away and never look back.

Chapter One:
.. but no(,) (i)t still really hurt. Delete the period and use comma instead.

At the end of the accident episode after Izzie says "what the hell are you reading?" you write "And that was the first conversation we ever had. But you haven't had a conversation yet. All the reader knows at this point is that a question has been asked of you. So by stating that that was the first conversation you had you are implying that the reader experienced the conversation. So either include a conversation and then follow it up with that sentence or change the sentence to read something like "And that was how we first met."

I zipped through chapters two and three. I was so entranced by the whole episode of Izzy collapsing and the drama that ensued -- whether she'd be taken away or allowed to live -- that I honestly didn't look out for errors and if there were any I was too into the story that they were inconsequential.

I find that you've found the perfect balance of chapter length and narrative pacing. The story is very interesting and it is one that i'd love to read in entirety. I'm already so curious as to what happens next. But for the sake of the critique I'll end here.

I wish you the very best with this.
Kari

Marna
Prologue, short, sweet, full of dry humour. I like your characters thoughts, found her to be judgemental and yet polite enough not to say what she thought. With it already looking so promising I will continue with this and give you feedback every few chapters.
I think it’s well written and descriptive to the right amount, I like story’s that are not so overbearing and drenched in detail that it bores you and takes forever to read. (Though I’m worried I might actually do that :S )
If ever you get the time have a look at mine and let me know what you think, I take criticism well so don’t hold back, I like an honest review.
Amy
A Rose so Deadly.

Marna
Prologue, short, sweet, full of dry humour. I like your characters thoughts, found her to be judgemental and yet polite enough not to say what she thought. With it already looking so promising I will continue with this and give you feedback every few chapters.
I think it’s well written and descriptive to the right amount, I like story’s that are not so overbearing and drenched in detail that it bores you and takes forever to read. (Though I’m worried I might actually do that :S )
If ever you get the time have a look at mine and let me know what you think, I take criticism well so don’t hold back, I like an honest review.
Amy
A Rose so Deadly.

Marna. An interesting cover, which I'm sure will reveal its significance to the story as I read on. Your pitches are concise and informative. I dont normally read YA fantasy, but here goes.

Prologue. I make notes as I write, but dont pretend to be an expert.
I love your unusual opening, and am enticed by Marna's fizzy character. She's very observant. You reveal the necessary information with a few masterly strokes of the pen.

Auth.2. You start with Death, then leave the reader hanging. I'm not sure where in time we are, then realise Marna has been working at the LaBroc for some time. A bit of back story.
Dont you mean Izzie was hopping down off the stool?
And I think Backpedalled has two 'l's.
Their interchanges make me smile.
But what on earth is happening to Marna...

Auth.3. 'Heavy darkness drew nearer on silent footsteps'. What menace.
And I forget to notice nits as I'm caught up in your strange story.

Auth.4. Even amidst the panic and strangeness you find ways to tell the reader what the receptionist looks like. And I have noticed the significance of your cover.
A natural feeling, that awkwardness of Cormac holding the car door for her. But what sort of monster is she, and what will she have to do to repay the favour.
You build suspense skillfully, and you have an easy style of writing.
Is Cormac in the front seat of the car, or the back? I would have thought Izzie had been in front...
I just have to read one more chapter.

Auth.5. Another tantalising shift, as you introduce more back story - but not for long. You are a clever plotter.
So now we know what we knew all along.

You're a master story-teller, Stephanie, and your writing flows lightly, with pace and humour. Undoubtedly a gem for the genre.

Although it's not my type of read, I feel compelled to back it. (Must be that fearsome monster at work). Will do so, once prior obligations are met.
Meanwhile, multi-starred.
Jane. (Breath of Africa)

Hi Steph. I'm here as promised. I only read first chapters cause none of us read whole books to see if a story seems good, or not, anyway. First chapters are enough to see if I feel good about the writing.
I have a few comments. Keep in mind I'm an amateur writer like most of us, so these are just beginners opinions.

"Should I go to school in it?” - I didn't understand that.

"I needed an on-campus job, they decided, and had already set up an interview." - I would start that sentence with "They had decided.." or "They'd decided..."

Maybe you could use something else rather than writing "ninja agility" twice so close together.

In the last book I had posted here, I got reemed by everybody for using 'alright' instead of 'all right" - although it seemed fine to me.

Those are the only things that kinda jump out at me, although not that much. Other than that, I think the writing is great, clean, simple and fun to read. Flows well and I easily 'get' the characters. I love the humor; it's casual and doesn't seem forced.
Gonna back it and wish you the best of luck (have to wait a few hours before backing).

I'm really enjoying this. Excellent concept. I will shelve it just as soon as I have the room. One point I'd like to make as a pro lurker myself is that I think "ninja stealth" would sound better than "ninja agility", at least in the context you mean.

Excellent job though,

Well done.

Claire.

Marna is a creative, interesting Y/A read that keeps you wondering what is happening to this young woman. I'll admit I don't read much of this genre, but the characters are well described and the story fast paced, almost too fast. I would have liked to seen more of Marna's confusion at what is happening to her. I tried to imagine the typical teen, striving for normal, yet feeling she is different-her looks, her illness, the guilt she feels in the loss of her parents, almost killing her friend are well described...but, she doesn't divulge to her best friend or her counsellor the turmoil she feels with it all. The need to sing is well described as something she cannot control, yet fears. The first encounter with the devil, the attraction to Cormac, I thought she'd talk to her best friend about it-even revealing it as a dream to help her work through some confusion-I pictured teen girls sharing everything. Once Cormac reveals she is not human...Marna's transformation and acceptance comes almost too quick. I thought she would stumble more-the wonderment, questions, the need to resolve all the years of feeling different, trying to wrap her head around being something other than human-i felt was a little too quick paced. But thats just me...As i said, this is not my normal genre to read. The dialogue is well done, and the introduction of sense, cook, and others that have chosen to serve, keeps one wondering what comes next. The attraction/draw she feels to people of her own kind also keeps the reader guessing.

All in all its a great story with so much going on that will appeal to many young readers.

Rated and backed for a bit! Good work
All my best
Wendy
'And When'

Wow, I think you have something special here. I read the first four chapters.
I like the fast moving pace, dialogue and the very clever descriptions of the characters. You are very talented and clearly this would do well with the YA market.
The idea of being a caretaker for death and not human it a unique one. Quirky enought to allow for some lighter moments in between the darker concepts.
Star rated and watchlisted to go on my bookshelf in the coming week.
Cheers Jacoba

Marna is a cleverly written YA novel that combines several different themes, all of which are popular within this genre. In a sense it’s kind of like blending coffee. The mix is so unique that it takes on its own flavor, its own identity, yet it’s still good coffee at its heart.

The main character of Marna LaFontaine is a perfect YA hero, a sarcastic and confident young girl who is uniquely suited to be courted by daimons, which are supernatural beings that help and also hinder us poor humans. She talks like someone her age would talk, and deals realistically with developing situations in a rapidly moving plot. The dialog is particularly strong and entertains as it advances the plot.

Author Stephanie L. Prater has put several themes into the book. There is the young girl who is just awakening socially, the supernatural elements, the feelings of loss with the death of her parents and the general struggles found within the YA genre. The love triangle that forms between the daimon of death and her own personal guardian, with the help of the meddlesome Cupid (also a daimon) is priceless. Because the story is so well told, the fantastic seems believable here. Even though I am well outside the target market for YA, I very much enjoyed Marna. It should have no trouble finding a large group of fans once published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven