Sleeping Gods

LF40 Review


This is a quiet, yet powerful novel (somewhat in the style of Ann Patchett) that is told through extremely subtle quiet observations that accumulate to create an intense novel whose imagery and characters linger in the reader's mind. With deftly crafted sentences the author paints a landscape filled with everyday characters whose issues and problems mimic the gods of Greek mythology. The wonderful opening with the three sleeping characters signal to the reader Dario's reluctance to wake, a person still determined to live in his own dream world and unwilling to face reality while Cass is reluctantly pulled awake and into action, as if to foreshadow what will come in her life. Are we destined to repeat our mistakes or can we learn from them and create better futures for ourselves and not be subject to the whims of the gods or seek to invade and conquer us, to continue as puppets like Dario's own creations-- pulled and pushed in directions that we can't control? This a wonderful exploration of these issues using some overt parallels to myth.

In the two chapters I read I was struck by the seemlingly effortless writing that is never overburdened with backstory, overwrought details and description or overt characterization. Each element is subltly crafted, the conversation is natural and at times, so real it's heartwrenching. Cass is a distinct person revealed quickly and so well in her conversation with her mother, the concern that she not wake Flea or Dario. Later in her approach to Nick we understand her strong desire to be liked and how it can lead to her problems in having a good relationship. Dario's character is hinted at even more subtly in his determination to remain asleep and the assessments of Greek myths.

There is only one minor point I thought I would mention that I noticed and that is in the first chapter you drift from Cass' viewpoint just slightly a few times-- a wee bit in the opening with Dario and later with Judith when she's talking about dumping her own boyfriend, "Judith receives Cass' smile as a libation." But these are minor points of what is a very high quality novel that deserves the highest rating. Hopefully this novel will start climbing up fast and make its way to the where it belongs on the ED. Kristin

I highly recommend Sleeping Gods. Marie’s close attention to detail and her deep observations result in a compelling three-dimensional style. I also judge an author’s ability by how he/she handles a crowd scene such as the opening of Dario’s exhibition. Marie’s treatment was excellent. She is very talented and I hope this is not her only novel.

Iva P. / Fame and Infamy

The cross cutting between real life and the world of myth and the characters of Greek & Roman mythology is brilliantly executed in this imaginative novel. Across the 8 chapters posted there is a compelling and consistent authorial command and control of the characters in their settings. Varied and distinct are memorable lyrical passages: the description of the rejection of a new born lamb in Chapter 7 contrasted with the human birth in Chapter 8 is exceptional. The Classical and Mythological references are always apt and blended perfectly to the narrative text. Particularly well handled are the erotic undertones since they are suggested artfully more than vividly/brutally defined: this is an enviable skill in J.Marie Nicholl's repertoire. The emotional range is wide yet incisive while her writing attracts and holds the reader's interest and, soon drawn in, translates to empathy. Highly starred and sure to rise in the rankings despite quite easily identifiable minor spelling errors. Due to the overall quality of this work, I am destined to Back it again as it nears The Editor's Desk. Thank you for the invited opportunity to read this commendable work.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

Dear J Marie

Reading through your story, "Sleeping Gods", I have reached the middle of chapter Two and shall shortly have to stop for lack of time. Excellent writing, interesting scenes. You have a way of observing with great vividness, the smallest moments in a life.

It would help very much, if your chapters could be shorter. You have lots of breaks in the narrative, but still, one wants, especially on an on-line reading site, to come to the end of a part. It is easier.

Still reading. I wish you every success with this ambitious and well crafted novel. Rated highly.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

LF40 Review

Hi, J. Marie.

Quiet is the word that occurs to me to describe the first two chapters, which I have now read twice. There is really hardly a thing I can find to criticise, because there just aren't any off-notes. The imagery is spot-on, especially where it involves light and rain. Ditto the language generally. O.K., it did take me a while to get to grips with who was who, because there could be more pointers. I probably just missed obvious references but Flea doesn't indicate the gender to me and purely on a personal note it seems a horrible name to give anyone. But that is all part of the quietness of the general writing style, perhaps. In terms of pure command of writing, this is the best thing I have read on the site so far. The only negative for me is that it is not gripping enough but I am not looking for a thriller. I am intrigued by the relevance of the gods, so it remains for me to see how that is developed. The overriding positive, though, is that Cass is a well-rounded character who I feel I really know. Nick is less interesting but we are just getting to know him. Dario is a bit foggy but I am sure his character will be developed as it goes along. In terms of stuff that stands out:


'Nobody reaches for the tampon' - very funny, and in some ways typical of the sardonic nature of the writing

'ellipsical' - is this a typo? Or deliberate?

Ferries a slice of salmon - excellent verb choice
here

Postcard bright - excellent phrase

peaked roof - pitched roof?

at a lost to feel - typo: at a loss

Hope this helps. This should be way further up in the rankings than it is currently.

Best


Brian

J. Marie,

Sleeping Gods is a beautifully written, intricate story. Clearly, retreating to the bush is an excellent way to polish a novel!

I liked, very much, the way you have interwoven Cassie’s past and present. I think the handling of dialogue and emotion are particularly well done.

Usually, I try to offer detailed comments on work where I think my suggestions might be helpful, but in your case, I find nothing to suggest. Your book is even clear of typographical and grammatical errors. Excellent work. It's my pleasure to add this book to my shelf.

Ann Warner - Absence of Grace

Fantastic start to a novel.
The writing is really strong with lovely attention to detail.
I haven't read as much as I'd like but I try and come back for more.

For now, I'm starring your book and will pop it on my shelf as soon as there's room.

Good luck.
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Sleeping Gods is an exceptional mix of intense imagery with a dash of poetic elegance. It transports the reader via the present tense into the world of Greek mythology, impersonated by the characters. Poignant dialogue well crafted and entertaining makes this book a fascinating read. Vivid word pictures such as ‘Clumsy, like a swan on dry land,’ ‘cutting a sharp wake in the lake’s mirror surface,’ ‘louder even under the storm’s percussion,’ —beautifully crafted. I like the pitch; it certainly adds spice and the draw needed to attract its audience. The first chapter could be conceived as a little overwhelming with the pace and the POV changes. I wondered if I was just reading it too fast since I was enthralled with the plot. So I read it again, this time concentrating on each sentence as if it was a pointillism drawing. This way the images became more distinct and your technique, which is highly intricate by the way, is better appreciated. There are a myriad of different issues to spike up the plot such as the cat’s disappearance, later turning out to be something much more. Nick (really gone on her and darting about like a greyhound) has a fixation on his teacher (her dread colliding with mirth) adds to the drama revealed in graceful writing. Definitely high stars and on w/l. Will back when space comes available. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

- LF40 Review -

I love this story.

Ch.1 :

The opening scene is excellent, and I love the recurring theme of the colors of a streetlight on the walls of the apartment.

Cass calls her mother "mum" and then "Hazel" which led to a little confusion for me. Throughout the rest of the book she is refferred to as Hazel, so I understood later, but that initial confusion could be avoided IMO.

When Cass is speaking with Nick about his future and potential they joke about how she is so educated and well-spoken. Then she says, "Not if you fuck your body up with that crap." It's not the elegant speaking I expect from her, and it kind of threw me for a second thinking that I had completely misread her.


Ch. 2:

Good chapter. We keep moving along at a pleasent pace, and the theme of ancient Greek Gods is becoming more and more obvious and intriguing.

I found a small error: "...makes tea and waits while Flea eats it."

Ch. 3: Same as chapter two :)

Ch. 4:

I love the fluctuating weather patterns analogy. You have a real skill for this type of writing. I think your novel has more spot on analogies and metaphors than any book I've read on this site. Really, really insightful and clever.

At one point (I forget who) says he is going to make coffee, but without explanation makes tea instead.

Ch. 5:

The outright Shakespeare line ("Slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...") seems out of place and too obvious. The Hamlet allusions are enough, I think.

I really noticed in this chapter that sometimes you switch between stories too quickly and abruptly. I have more thoughts on this that I will explain later. But at this point I really lost where I was: Cass's childhood, Hazel's childhood, an affair, Hazel's marriage, etc. It all sort of jumbled in my mind.

Your example of Nick's dyslexia (turning dogs into gods) was brilliant. I actually wrote the word brilliant in my notes.

Some small typos:

"The only time her she ever smacked me..." Remove her.
"...since she needs the ladder, knows she might need other favours." I didn't understand the context of this.
"The Trojan doomsayer Cassandra's voice." We needs some punctuation - I don't know what that means.
"Sooner of later." Or instead of of?
"...from the draw in the..." drawer?

In this chapter, we see how protective Cass still is of Dario. She doesn't want to offend him or seem manipulative and sad. I would like to see, maybe just once, some righteous anger from her. And by that, I mean more than we get the night they stay at her home. I mean, the guy gave her a damn STD!

Ch. 6:

Her panic attack is a little mild. If she is going to classify it this way - I would like a little more panic than a racing heartbeat. I think this is a great time in her life for a panic attack, so it fits plot-wise, but the description seemed luke-warm to me. I say this because I have panic attacks, so I was left wanting a little more in that area.

Your description of Hazel's hands with the life leaving them was awesome. I mean, it's a terrible thing, but it really struck a chord with me. I felt like I was in that room with her. What a lonely moment! Really beautiful.

I thought it was a really good idea for you to show the fire from the perspective of Cass's writing. At the point, there was such lead-up to this pivitol point in her life, I don't think there was any other way to truly potray it. Cass's writing remains unbiased and we are left without emotional descriptions - we add our own. They are too intense to describe. That was really well done.

Another typo: "God, she been alone all day." she's


So, in regard to the rapid POV changes, at the end of the novel I have an epiphany. I thought that maybe the reason this novel moved around so much and felt so surreal was to add to the greek god/myth theme. Near the end we got all the answers we were looking for anfd it was like the past emerged clear as day from all the murky details we had gotten before. It was like that turning point in a puzzle when you get near the end and the colors and shapes and distinct images start to look like one cohesive unit. So, in the end, I decided that it worked well for the novel. However, in the begining, to save the reader all the "what the hell?" moments, I think you should work the narrative into smaller chapters and break some of them up around the time chagnes. That is, of course, just a suggestion and my humble opinion.

I love that the novel came to a conclusion with everyone meeting at Dario's art show. What a catharsis for all the characters. Of course, David and Cass didn't speak, but she got what she wanted. Great idea, by the way.

Also, I remember a point in this novel where someone said (Dario?) "Love is redemption." Cass became for Nick what David never was for her. At first, I think that was part of the appeal. I think she resented David for not only (in her mind) rejecting her, but loving her mother on top of it. But, the negative outcome of her relationship to Nick may have passified her resentment and helped her make peace. I like the lesson she learned there.

Anyways, I'm rambling now. This book has many layers and is very well written. Backed with pleasure. I love it!

-Katy
The Promenade

LF40 Review

This is an intriguing and enjoyable read - well the first three chapters are, I will read on. I like the pace, there is no need to rush at the expense of your great descriptive style. The dialogue is well conceived and is well adjusted for the character that is speaking. Bit confused about POV, but that is probably just me.

I will WL and once I have read more will probably back - in the meantime thanks for a fine piece of writing - 6*

Harehound

LF40 review very impressive, The present tense is very fashionable at the moment but you show how it can be used to excellent effect.. The fragmentation in you first chapter fits well with the episodic nature of your unfolding plot and its tapestry of characters. You develop your ideas well, the contrast between the prosaic and the dreaminess. I have little to contribute ... Your style is very secure and I wouldntvwant to change anything. I enjoyed the poignancy eg with the ewe and lambs, then the hospitalised Hazel, less focussed on her daughter at the last. A lyrical work...hope it gets published. Lara
GOOD FOR HIM

i came back for your 2nd chapter. i thought it was even more polished than the first. i loved your description of the way dario perceives flea's appearance in his life.

very realistic portrayal of her visit with mom- especially how she tries to clean without drawing notice.

the sudden falling apart of a relationship she'd considered solid, the way her own thinking shifts as she has time to mull it over, their awkward phone conversation, what goes unsaid, her wish that he'd insist- all expertly drawn.

nits:
do you mean 'haRsh truth'?
'Fifty bucks each' -missing quotation mark

i'm enjoying this so much and will be back.

Although I tend to favour books with a bit more pace, I found myself enjoying the writing style and the vivid images that your writing conveyed. As a matter of fact, it' s the kind of story I've occasionally enjoyed in the garden chair on a Saturday afternoon with my favourite beveridge; not every read has to have us on the edge of our seats, does it?
Well done. Highly rated and backed.
Michael Croucher (Bravo's Veil)

LF40 Review

Chapter 1

A nicely descriptive opening paragraph. I like the interplay of shadows and the storm. Personally, I’d delineate the sub-clauses with a few more commas. Having read on, I think a few more commas would help out elsewhere, too.

What’s a ute?

I found the description of her mother waiting for a dead cat to return very moving.

The first chapter is a gentle, slow moving piece with clear and imaginative descriptions of day to day life. The ambling pace of the chapter is contrasted with one or two moments of greater drama: the forgetful mother looking for her dead cat, the drug abusing student who has developed a fixation for his teacher.

Chapter 2

The start of chapter 2 is beautifully written, but I’m a little confused. Is the pregnancy a flashback to Flea or to a another pregnancy in the future?

This is another slow, languorous chapter, at first at least, but the introduction of the STD cranks up the drama nicely.

Chapter 3

The description of Cass’s childhood is leisurely and beautifully done. I still think you need a few more commas, though.

Back in present time, I like the uncertainty of something in the family’s past that Cass is trying to extract from her mother. I also like the growing tension between Mr Walsh and Cass’s mother, Hazel. They serve to create a sense of tension and latent drama that encourages the reader to read on, which is good otherwise the languor of the smoothly constructed prose might prove a little too soporific.

Chapters 4

The narrative continues at a beautiful but still leisurely pace. This chapter did not seem to continue to increase the drama at the pace set by the the previous one

In summary, I found this smoothly written, delicate and detailed. The depth of detail, subtlety and the characterizations are its strengths. Potential weaknesses for me were the frequent time and location shifts. Occasionally they were disorientating and it was not always that clear where the narrative had jumped to. At other times they worked extremely well. Also, although the drama gradually ramped up, I found myself looking for more variations in tone and pitch. By the end of chapter 4 I was over halfway through the novel and whilst it continued to flow lyrically, emotionally if felt more like a distant dream than a story I was totally immersed in to the point of exclusion of all else. Ironically, the subtlety that is a strength may also be a weakness. Nevertheless, I found this to be a strong piece.


J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

aside from a comma missing in the 2nd sentence, i'd change nothing in the first chapter. your visual descriptions stand out. the rain, the ornery stick shift, the food, his art- these all leave a lasting impression.

i love the WAY you explain the cat has been gone for awhile, the WAY the mother's state is described and not clearly told, the line later about differentiating between normal elderly forgetfulness. i wish we could cut and paste.

very impressed how you employ 'show, don't tell' at every turn. it gives the reader the feeling that you trust us to put it together. no need to tell us that martin is the father, for example. we figure things out as they become relevant, not before, and any assumptions we made (that dario was the father?) are revised as we remember not to make assumptions in the first place.

your dialogue is flawless. the conversations are about interesting, original topics and they develop naturally. i enjoyed dialogue with the mother and judith but my favorite was the interaction between dario and flea- the poopy underwear joke, she hoots, leans on him as she steps into her pants. a perfect image. also later when she freezes and waits for the adults to decide her fate.

also, your transitions are smooth. this reads like published work from an experienced writer.

i enjoyed this a lot and will continue reading as time allows.

Hello J. Marie--

Sleeping Gods--

Like the cover of this book, it has that dark and brooding effect, with that oil painting effect.
After reading the well presented pitch, and the sense of intrigue of things come; I read the first two chapters and scanned three and four.
It lived up to my expectations as one good literary read, and will most certainly read the rest posted soon.
The story is very skilfully written and the attention to detail is brilliant. it is one of the better books in it's genre on the site '
It gets my six stars with pleasure.
tom bye
from hugs to kisses.
obliged if you could glance at mine, thanks

Chapter one. I would buy this as a book. It so completely engages me I feel as ifI I could be reading about my own life.
'Rain is falling' Love it as an opening line. It seems to announce - an ordinary day in the life of...... and throughout the scattered scenes of this day, this element falling from on high permeates everything. It unifies.Your opening scene recalls to me The Still Point by Amy Sackville. I like the marriage of the voyeuristic third person present with the omniscient view of the couple waking up. Or not waking up in the case of Dario. Love the name Flea. Want to steal it.

I wondered about the mention of Dario reading snippets of Greek legend being a little too obvious at that particular point. it feels a little contrived to me, and as a reader I don't like to feel I'm being set up' or to be able to predict what is coming. Could it perhaps be introduced earlier, perhaps when she is still half awake at the beginning? It does after all signal the book's theme and so should stand somewhere near the beginning perhaps. She could remember the details later. I had the same feeling about ' the hoodwinked maiden' preceding the meeting with Judith. Perhaps a small separation, so that when I come to it I remember and get an Ah, yes moment. Maybe just me of course.

A couple of nits... The clap of heated air exploding made me think something like a stove had exploded in the studio rather than thunder.

hairs on the neck - I find this is becoming a bit of a cliche. plus it annoys me that I don't have any!

The woman(women) is tall.

I like the personal colour of 'the world is moving to the Martin type'

Like the ca as a way to introduce dementia.

I feel glad you are treating this theme of the schoolboy as initiator of illicit relations. And the underlying menace in the boy's personality doesn't bode well for Cass.

I am looking forward to reading more of this- one of the most engaging works I have come across on here. highly starred for now...

Sleeping Gods. An atmospheric cover, which goes with your pitch. Very interesting. I always get muddled with mythology, so hope for enlightenment. And I have a special regard for Australia, having visited many times.

I take notes as I write, but dont pretend to be an expert.

Ch.1. The authorial viewpoint of the opening paragraph with its weird description of their warehouse home creates lots of questions. Are they vagrants? But there's a telephone... and what are those dangling things?
Soon answered. You handle the changing VPs well. And there's an immediate problem.
I love the picture ofthe tiny hairs of her neck chilling to attention. But what's this about Harold the cat suddenly introduced?
The authorial VP creeps in with the neighbour. It's like looking down on scenes of a film, distracting from Cass. Is that what you wanted to create?
I dont think you need the intrusion of that first sentence introducing Harold the cat. Wouldnt it be smoother to incorporate when Cass is relieving her mother of the putrid liver?
Oh - so they're upstairs...
I enjoy the immediacy of the present tense, and the scenes are vivid in my mind's eye, but just when I'm warming into the character, enjoying the crisp dialogue, you change to another scene.
So many different things going on, characters to get my head round in just the first chapter.
You do change VPs a bit - flipping into Martin's and back to Cass. Oh, so he must be Flea's dad. So many threads to your story to take in all at once.
I know what your problem is, because I've got the same in my book. I havent completely found the solution, though. Would be grateful to hear what you think.

You have a wonderful way with words: 'smoke somersaults from between her fingers and hangs in threads on the still air.'
But I feel none the wiser about Greek mythology (last read as a teenager). Perhaps I'm a lost cause.

I did enjoy this chapter, and will be tempted to read on in due course. You have an easy style and I'm sure the intricacies of the plot will unravel as the book progresses.
Multi-starred, and staying on my w/list.

Jane (Breath of Africa)

LF40 Review


This is a quiet, yet powerful novel (somewhat in the style of Ann Patchett) that is told through extremely subtle quiet observations that accumulate to create an intense novel whose imagery and characters linger in the reader's mind. With deftly crafted sentences the author paints a landscape filled with everyday characters whose issues and problems mimic the gods of Greek mythology. The wonderful opening with the three sleeping characters signal to the reader Dario's reluctance to wake, a person still determined to live in his own dream world and unwilling to face reality while Cass is reluctantly pulled awake and into action, as if to foreshadow what will come in her life. Are we destined to repeat our mistakes or can we learn from them and create better futures for ourselves and not be subject to the whims of the gods or seek to invade and conquer us, to continue as puppets like Dario's own creations-- pulled and pushed in directions that we can't control? This a wonderful exploration of these issues using some overt parallels to myth.

In the two chapters I read I was struck by the seemlingly effortless writing that is never overburdened with backstory, overwrought details and description or overt characterization. Each element is subltly crafted, the conversation is natural and at times, so real it's heartwrenching. Cass is a distinct person revealed quickly and so well in her conversation with her mother, the concern that she not wake Flea or Dario. Later in her approach to Nick we understand her strong desire to be liked and how it can lead to her problems in having a good relationship. Dario's character is hinted at even more subtly in his determination to remain asleep and the assessments of Greek myths.

There is only one minor point I thought I would mention that I noticed and that is in the first chapter you drift from Cass' viewpoint just slightly a few times-- a wee bit in the opening with Dario and later with Judith when she's talking about dumping her own boyfriend, "Judith receives Cass' smile as a libation." But these are minor points of what is a very high quality novel that deserves the highest rating. Hopefully this novel will start climbing up fast and make its way to the where it belongs on the ED. Kristin

I highly recommend Sleeping Gods. Marie’s close attention to detail and her deep observations result in a compelling three-dimensional style. I also judge an author’s ability by how he/she handles a crowd scene such as the opening of Dario’s exhibition. Marie’s treatment was excellent. She is very talented and I hope this is not her only novel.

Iva P. / Fame and Infamy

I love the time you placed into the small gestures and feelings of the characters, they are very realistic, which is refreshing. My favorite line was The meal proceeds awkwardly despite the best ingrediants. I love how that metaphor reaches deeply into not only the current moment but also the underlining issues of the relationship between the two woman. I wish you the best of luck.

LF40

Marie, I really enjoyed your book. Your writing style is descriptive, captivating, well paced and your characters feel nuanced and real. I've put "Sleeping Gods" on my watch list and given you a nice rating, too. I do have a couple of suggestions for you, as well. Maybe it's just me, but I didn't know, for the longest time, where the story was set. This began to gnaw at me a bit. (It would be nice to put some geo reference at the beginning. If you did place one there and I missed it, my apologies. On a broader note, I think you need to work on tightening up the book's story structure a bit, to help the reader understand what the key developmental issues are. Then, the structure itself can help drive the story line and keep the reader engaged. Often this comes down to rethinking the starting point and attempting to bring it closer to the end. (If it were possible to keep a reader engaged on the scale of a novel simply by great characterization and strong writing, I think you'd already be there.) Another observation: I noticed that, in a number of areas in your book, such as when you went back to Cassie's childhood and told the story of her sister's suicide, you switched from showing -- which you really did great in the opening chapters -- to telling. You might be able to make these sections more compelling by switching the action to the present tense. All in all, I think you've got the makings of something good!
Best Regards,

Jon Reisfeld

Hi there Marie,

I have backed this book after reading Chapter 1 and will comment more as soon as I can. It deserves a backing straight away because of its sheer ambition and style. You are fearless! Go for it! I also agree with other comments that novels don't always need to start with an action scene - when people accuse me of this too I just cheekily ask them if they've ever heard of Charles Dickens or Henry James. Real life isn't always an action scene is it, so why should every novel be?

And it's also great to read an Australian work on this site. I am new to the country and have really enjoyed trying to capture the feel and the drama of the place. There is so much material to be thought through in Australian history and Australian lives.

Great work!

Tony

I found the opening paragraphs heavy going - very literary in feel, but once I got past them the prose seemed to flow more naturally. It seemed more in tune with the chronology of the novel. The senile mother was sad and sensitive and I found myself happilly going with the flow.

Mark R

LF40. I found much to admire here although there was no real hook to drag me in. I don't imagine I'm your target audience, however; if there is such a thing. Early on I got the impression you were trying to write in a certain style and this didn't always seem comfortable, but once things got going it wasn't so much of an issue. It's the descriptive passages that are often problematic. The first paragraph needs re-jigging punctuation-wise. The second and third sentences both have the word 'where'. I'd ditch both and use full stops, then replace the full stop after 'the storm' with a comma and continue that sentence to 'other forms'. Cass is very believable but I didn't get too clear a picture of Dario. And I have to confess to having a minor panic at the name Dracoulis, as I immediately thought he might be a vampire! I hope not. Him being pale and skinny only added to this terrible foreboding. I did like the Greek myths theme. It wasn't forced and applied subtly provides another plane of reference for the narrative to draw on. Cass is clearly about to be shat upon, and who better to do that than 'gods'. Overall the writing is well-balanced and keenly observed; just not enough going on for me.

I concur with quite a few of the comments listed here (I'm about half-way through). The writing is invariably sensitive and often clever, but dare I say that sometimes you're overwriting, almost as if you're overflowing with ideas for how you could say something, when you might consider just leaving it be. I'm assuming (rightly or wrongly) that much of this is autobiographical, so sharp is the detail, and that sometimes presents its own writing challenges. Someone else noted a certain diffuseness in the plotting, and I'd have to agree with that up to a point. And there was another suggestion that the opening might benefit from more of a bang: as I read the very first italicized flashback section (on the dance-floor in chapter 2? - sorry, I'm not making detailed notes!) I thought that it would make a fine opening paragraph: intriguing, very intelligently written, and it almost demands that one reads on.
Minor niggles: since you're so rarely let down by your ability to write what you see, it grates when you don't get it right: Rialto Towers (no idea what they look like so my mind's blank as you write!), "twin swords pointing upwards in optimistic proclamation." Is it an insurance building or something? Anyway, it's trite, and quite unworthy of you as a description of anything. And: there's an inconsistency of spelling between British and American English - "favours", "honor" - that sort of thing.
You have a serious talent. God knows what the publishing industry is up to - I read chapters from newly published novels in Waterstones from time to time and wonder how on earth this stuff attracted any attention at all, and yet here you are, still plugging away. I haven't finished the book yet, of course - and I reserve judgement as to whether you're quite as brilliant a story-teller as you are a writer (there's a difference): but if this doesn't end up with me giving it 5 or six stars then I'll be very surprised. Take a bow.

J. Marie - fluid, descriptive - engaging, realistic characters - have backed. CW The Fog Had Lifted

LF40 Review

I love the way this starts and I love the sentence "as though the dead were foodstuffs the manufacturer and been obliged to recall" and "balanced like a dying bird in the palm of his hand"

Also "streetlights dance in circles of bright water"

You set the scene of their room or apartment really well - it's kind of haunting. And I liked the image of her daughter's stray leg looking like on of the dangling puppets.

I also liked the image of the "storm's percussion."

A small typo here in the paragraph that beings with "The man rolls..." you say "as first light begins to filters" you probably mean "begins to filter" or even just "filters" without the "begins to"

What's an "ute" - first sentence of the next paragraph - maybe that's an Aussie thing? I'm American and I don't know what it means.

Loved this: "the dark moon shadow beneath a sleepless eye"

I also really like the homey interactions between Cass, Dario and Flea. Simply done, but realistic. Nice.

You prose is so spare and elegant, yet full of descriptions in all the right places.

I like Cass' exchange with Martin but am unsure of their relationship. Father to Felicity, yes? But why has he never met her mother? That confused me. Because he was married to someone else? This was an affair?

So far, I feel like this is almost written like a film script because the writing and the images are so clear in my mind. I would love to see this put to film.

In the paragraph that begins "Judith apologizes" I think you have one too many "p"s in the word apologizes and an errant "s" on the word "swan"

I love the way the first chapter ends - it feels like it's foreshadowing some unknown evil or sinister event that will happen later in the novel.

I am completely in love with your writing and your story. I feel just from the first chapter that I would read this book in one sitting (or maybe a few because I wouldn't want it to end so quickly!) and then recommend it to everyone I know.

You are an incredibly talented writer and I don't know why you are on Authonomy's shelves and not the shelves of a real bookstore.

6 stars for sure. I an envious of how good your writing is. I will definitely back as soon as I can.

- Rena (Bunderful) - Master of the Miracles

I loved your descriptions and will be putting this on my watch list (Cecilia Williams, 'Emotional Integrity')

LF40

I like the general flow and the relaxedness of the tone. What would really help this is tension to bind the opening.
You have fun scenes punctuated by moments of story calibration- that is, the conflict remains unclear, but some sort of conflict should start this story.

[CASS WAS STILL A CHILD the first time she stood by an open grave.]
Good opening line.

[violent heat intercepted by thunderstorms.]
The word 'intercepted' seems out of place here.

[Mountains of cumulus gathered in the western sky as the vicar, damp-faced and divested of his suit jacket, uttered his unequivocal ashes to ashes, dust to dust.]
Obscure word choice for comment events.

[Cassie silently completed.]
Stick to 'said.' The dialog tag can't convey anything that the context doesn't on it's own. Rely on the context. This tag is redundant, and a force-telling of what should be shown.

[It seems like the middle of the night.]
Does the character not know?

[A flash of lightning floods ... voice with a thunderclap.]
Good visual.

[Flea stirs but doesn't wake. Dario rolls over, instinctively tossing an arm over Cass.]
That's a few characters to introduce at once. Flesh them out rather than introduce them. By that I mean bring them in when they're relevant and expound upon them.

[Cass shivers, dreaming ...on the other end of the line.]
There is no indication of what's going on, only hits of some situation that are to be digested with a wink and nod as elements of genre.

[The voice frail and wretched.]
Red tag.

['Deep breaths, Hazel... 'I'll wake Flea and Dario if we talk now.']
Work to clarify the scene. You have something specific in mind, but every skipped step results in confusion.

['I'm sorry, have I woken Felicity?']
This is not the manner to introduce yet another character. Flesh them out through your progressing story.

[The drumming on the tin roof accelerates.]
Word choice 'accelerates.'

[She scouts then for leaks,]
Cut the word 'then.'

[She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, willing it to shift the knot of apprehension that has tightened about her diaphragm.]
Cut this or restate it. The 'knot of apprehension' is what doesn't work. The physical part of the scene is strong.

[to the sleeping man.]
Quite a few have been introduced at this point. The name seems like information the narrator is withholding.

[the clap of heated air exploding.]
Passive, explodes.

[Cass rummages for jeans and a T-shirt from the foot of the double bed, reluctantly pulls each garment on.]
Replace the comma with 'and.'

[She gathers up...a hollow clank.]
The purpose of a present telling for this story are unclear. Past/present seems more suitable in this instance.

[first light begins to filters ]
Typo.

[The solid structures of wire, latex and plywood still invisible.]
There is no reason for this fragment structurally.

Hi Marie,

Your writing is both melodic and poetic - really lovely. I don' t believe that all books need to start with a bang; your pace is like a leisurely stroll through a garden, and I find it almost intoxicating. You use language, especially metaphor, just beautifully. That said, I think you might introduce your themes a little better. I'd like to know just a bit sooner what this book might be about. (I'll confess, I only read a couple of chapters). You delineate Cass's relationships very well, but I'd like a bit of hint earlier on as to where they might be going. I also thought some of your paragraphs were overly long. Overall, you have a lovely book, and I'll put it on my watchlist with a hope of shelving at some point (I have quite a backlog) at the moment. But i'm giving you a rare six stars - you've earned them.
Best,
Andi Brown
Animal Cracker

Your writing style is unique and catchy. There’s something melodic about the prose. The characters have this off-beat likability.

I would like to hear more physical description of the characters, including clothes.

When you say “Cassie silently completed.” Did you mean “Cassie silently contemplated.”?

There are many aspects of Cassie’s life that are interesting, including her relationships with men and her children. However, I don’t see a focused plot. The story is hopping around from place to place in short spurts. I’d like to see it simplified. One way to do that is to write a short synopsis. Anything in the story that's not important enough to go into the synopsis can be left out.

This has good writing and well-drawn characters. I'll back it.

Brian
Mute

I'm having a hard time finding a book worthy of my bookshelf. This is the most interesting book I've found yet. I actually got past the fact that parts of your writing - I only read the opening chapter - were hard to follow and had to be reread, and started to get into this story. I will keep reading.

I'm having a difficult time finding a book worthy of my bookshelf. This was the most interesting book I've read so far. I actually got past the fact that parts of your story - I only read the opening chapter - were hard to follow and had to be reread, and started getting into this story. I will keep reading.

J. Marie,
Your prose has a straightforward style easy to follow and appreciate. "Sleeping Gods" is a treatise on the life of your character Cass who sees a parallel between her experiences and the vagaries exhibited by the Greek gods in matters of passion. I found it interesting to watch Cassie grow out of her traditional set of values devolving from those taught her in her formative years. Thank you so much for the compelling read.

Kenneth Edward L:im
The North Korean

Hi J.Marie

I've read your opening chapter (will read more when time allows) and here are my thoughts:

Some of your paragraphs are a little stilted because at times, your sentences are very literal: Cass did this. This phone rang. Dario did that. This observant style stands out I think because it contrasts so starkly with the flowing and descriptive beauty of the rest of your prose. When you describe the rain, for example, in chapter one, the language is great, but as soon as you talk about what the characters are doing in the next paragraph, the flow seems to break down.

The relationships between the characters - particularly Cass and Hazel - are credible and well-executed. These are not stand-alone characters, but individual personalities supported and developed by the world and the people around them. This makes their choices, emotions and ultimately their actions far more relatable. Similarly, your descriptions of these characters are brief but effective. We get an instant idea of their traits - not just visual either, but you give a real sense of who they really are and what makes them tick.

It reads a bit like a film script, with its brief scenes within chapters and jumps forward in time. This moves the pace along nicely - although in some places I think you could add more depth.

I love that the story is set in Melbourne - one of my favourite cities and also one that is so infrequently approached in novels. I'm so fed up of hearing about London and New York - this is a refreshing setting, which has been beautifully described by yourself.

Altogether, an interesting concept in an interesting style. Good work.

I thoroughly enjoyed the opening of this book - racy and compelling - I wish you well with it (Cecilia Williams - Emotional Integrity)

The cross cutting between real life and the world of myth and the characters of Greek & Roman mythology is brilliantly executed in this imaginative novel. Across the 8 chapters posted there is a compelling and consistent authorial command and control of the characters in their settings. Varied and distinct are memorable lyrical passages: the description of the rejection of a new born lamb in Chapter 7 contrasted with the human birth in Chapter 8 is exceptional. The Classical and Mythological references are always apt and blended perfectly to the narrative text. Particularly well handled are the erotic undertones since they are suggested artfully more than vividly/brutally defined: this is an enviable skill in J.Marie Nicholl's repertoire. The emotional range is wide yet incisive while her writing attracts and holds the reader's interest and, soon drawn in, translates to empathy. Highly starred and sure to rise in the rankings despite quite easily identifiable minor spelling errors. Due to the overall quality of this work, I am destined to Back it again as it nears The Editor's Desk. Thank you for the invited opportunity to read this commendable work.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

J. Marie,

I've just read your opening chapter, and really wish I had more time to carry on reading. This is certainly the kind of book I would read/buy, and found this to be an intelligent, wonderfully well-written opening. Your characters and their relations - Dario, Cass, the mother, Martin - are compelling and unconventional. I think most readers will be immediately drawn to them, and want to know what is going to happen next.

More than happy to give you my backing

NA 'The Butterfly and the Wheel'

I like the concept and your writing very much. I've only had chance to look at chapter one, so far, but if i hadn't read the synopsis i would have been confused about the relationship between Flea, Dario and Cass (especially as Cass is dreaming about a classroom - i thought for a moment that she was still a girl, sleeping in the same room as her siblings).
I hope this helps.
I'm sure your story will do well on Authonomy and i wish you luck with it.
Kim
St Viper's School for Super Villains

Hiya J Marie, compelling read. a story of the gods, yet full of the intracies of human love. the setting - the exuberance of life in OZ - took me back there (used to live in Hobart and WA). Love the storyline. As to picky comments, I have a few. Very minor. Let me know if you want to exchange w-i-p via email (I've done this with a few other auth writers; we swap about 10,000 words and get into line edits, which are tough to do on this site).

cya, andy

potter_andy@hotmail.com

Wow! Beautiful cover, intriguing synopsis and compelling first chapter. I have watchlisted this and will be back to read more.
Have a great week!
Blessings,
Laura A. Diaz
"Come What May"