An Unfinished Innocence

I just thought of something. Double spacing the dialogue in this forum here messes with the writers' timing of the comprehension by the readers. George

I tried to get it, but I don't. Good prose for a couple of pages, then vague dialogue. I'll recheck another time. Regards, George

Not quite for me, old buddy, but I'll offer a suggestion. Noah's last name should be Count. Or perhaps it should be Fourtaste, and his middle name Counting.

Dai Alanye

Hi,

I don't know how much I've read, maybe a quarter, mayber a third.
This is one of those pieces of writing that truly requires concentration.

Anyway, once I got a few paragraphs down, probably after the used car moment I began to get in the swing of it. The narrative is delightful, the multiple repetitions and abstract descriptions are the favourites for me.

However, I found the dialogue to be difficult to follow. I wasn't making a clear connection between the narrative and dialogue until I properly studied it and re-read it. Clever... But it's not easy to read. And I mean that in a complete and utter neutral way, as it's clear that is the style you're going for. So for any previous or forthcoming critics of your writing style you should bat those comments out of the way.

Anyhow, I'll come back and finish it off sometime. And like so many other people who've commented, I would love to read your entire novel from start to finish :)

Good luck,
Adam

Wow. Your story is certainly unique and very interesting. You are definitely a talented writer and well on your way to having a huge success. Great job.6 stars. Lacy

Thank you J.L., I appreciate you sharing your first chapter with us. An Unfinished Innocence is well written and filled with strong characters. I'm looking forward to reading further therefore, I placed you on my watchlist. Grinz... :D ~~~ Sending Blessings and Well Wishes to you. I look forward to hearing about your great success... Smile... Kathryn Gage~ Author of "Poverty Our Nation's Next Epidemic... The Coming Days of Tribulation."

This is a very well-written book with a playful style and a clear love of language, but also with a strong sense of characterisation and ongoing themes. Not the easiest style of writing to get into, but it rewards perseverance in buckets - and its ranking on this website gives the lie to many publishers' conservative views about what is 'commercial' in fiction.

All the very best with it! And everyone else, take a good look.

It took me a little while to get into your style of writing, but I cans see why AN UNFINISHED INNOCENCE has ranked so highly. You balance description with verbal interaction well, and the humour is well received. One of my favourite lines is;

"Dogge answered his phone at 7:77. He decided he had to get a new digital clock."

Simple yet effective. I'd like to read the rest of this book, whether it is on here, or when it is published!

Johanna

Hi
Thanks for your message - I have to say this was completely different from anything I have read but I enjoyed it !
I particularly liked your use of imagery, it effectively etablishes your characters and the world around them , drawing the reader in and your plot progresses well. This is a very good piece and I wish you the best of luck with it. I have starred it and put it on my watchlist.

Steph

A reviewer named "PeeJay" gave you gold. He said something like he'd like to read it again after a good edit. You know, it's hard to dismiss your work because it's so different. That alone is going to get you on my Bookshelf. But I'm not sure it's going to win you a publishing contract. You have proven to me, though, how refreshing it is to read something that isn't bound to convention--because the current literary convention is pretty boring, as I'm sure you'll agree. I congratulate you on breaking out of it. I'd like to know why you think readers read. I'm serious. I suppose some readers may like to stand under the shower of words, as Leonard Cohen recommended. But he was talking about poetry. For a novel length piece, I'm guessing that readers want to travel with the protagonist to the point of despair... where they have to examine who they really are. Your novel may do that, but because you don't give us the beginning, it's hard to determine the shape of your work, and therefore it's impossible to hop on board the journey. By giving us an exerpt from the middle, it's easy to bamboozle readers with some zippy hip outrageosity, but what about the architecture of your story? That's mostly what I'm interested in. So, hey... we've all got our eye on you, 'j.l." Give us another chance to assess your work. I'd love to read the beginning chapters.

Solid book with a lot of promise so far and great use of imagery at different points. Though it was a bit tough to really sink into during the beginning of it. Good luck on your journey and hopefully you can give my book a read in the near future.

Brian
Páistí Avalon

I read your first three chapters. This is a unique book. good luck with your publishing of it.

Your imagery is a flow of the simple to the complex to the di-vine. My body and mind is melded with Dogge's and his amazing beauty of the double helix of the inner mind. I would like to see this published and read more...

I'm sorry, maybe it's me but I couldn't get into this. I tried but perhaps it's not my genre. Seemed so into its own unique style. I wonder what the market is? I'll read some of it again but, honestly, I found this hard work. Sorry. Candy.

There are far too many books to my mind that seem to follow a certain way of presentation. Almost it could be said as if the author themselves are in a straightjacket designed by others, only nobody is entirely sure why the straightjacket is there or who designed it for that matter. Sometimes it feels as if my mind and my thoughts are being processed in order to fit into an accepted way of writing. This is why I like your style of writing. This is why that when I read it I don't entirely understand it - so then I go back and read it again and see something else that I never saw before and I'm not entirely sure I understand that either. But the thing about it is, is that it is entertaining, and interesting because as a reader I am passing through and seeing things and having insights into a beautiful mind. I'm not here to flatter you. I am here to add my voice to what I see as a break away from the strictures and dullness of an awful lot of writing, not only on this site, but generally. Yes I will give you all the support I can and fuck the begrudgers! Mick (A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall)_

I like this an awful lot - you obviously love language and you use it with panache. Not an easy read, but nowhere near as difficult as some of your critics have suggested... When do we get to see the rest of it? James

An Unfinished Innocence is a dogge’s breakfast of a book, rich with the fullness of itself, a moveable feast that knows where it is going...

I like it for the most part, though I wished at this one paragraph that you could've split it up, It makes my head spin with lon paragraphs (I'm not dyslexic or anything) it's just like a big swirling mass of words.

Other then that, I think it was excellent,
Thanks,
~Zoe

Burgessian, Joycian, gloriously and deliriously - if not deliciously - over-the-top and all the way down the other side. So stark raving out there in a field of its own, that it's in danger of being struck by lightning come the next storm. Disarming and frivolous, deep and bizarre, this could be re-read repeatedly throughout a lifetime and still throw up previously unnoticed quirks and smirks. Rational word-groupings and normal thought processes can't begin to critique or compliment this further, so I won't even bother.

But I do want to read the rest of it, all of it. Without sounding self-congratulatory, I'm glad my original instincts about this work were correct, in fact 100% and in spades. I don't usually get it that right with a work of fiction and may never so again, but I don't care.

Hi j.l.
I've just finished reading your extract. I can see it has alot of potential but for me I felt as though I'd come in, in the middle of a good film and wanted to see it from the beginning. I hope that it will be possible for me to read the rest of your novel sometime. Well done.

Lainie :)

There's some really good themtic/philosophical stuff emerging here and I like your use of allusion. Perhaps you might vary your sentence structure more. A lot of your sentences start "Dogge," and I feel it marrs the fluidity. A couple of punctuation errors to look out for as well. Otherwise has the potential to become a compelling read.

RESPONSE TO DUNCAN WATT’S COMMENTS

Hello, Duncan.

I’ve read your comments on JL Miller’s An Unfinished Innocence with interest. I’d like to respond to them.
You feel that the reader’s expected reaction to Brendan Dogge is unclear. Surely, this is because the character is fully rounded out? He has abilities, he loves his son, he enjoys narcotics, he suffers from a sense of guilt. An intellectual, he is nevertheless consumed with a sexual passion, he makes mistakes in life, he finds life over-challenging. This is reality. Many, if not all of us, are composed of such a self-contradictory mixture. I’d suggest that each reader can take away from the book his own interpretation of Dogge’s character, and that the possibility of this indicates the quality of the work.
I think the burden of your argument is that each character should invite a clear emotional response for the novel to be a commercial success, but is this strictly true? Even during the second half of the twentieth century there were quality novelists who enjoyed not only accolades but a measure of commercial success. Without suggesting close comparisons, I could mention names like Graham Greene and William Golding, Philip Roth, and it would be easy to draw up a whole list. Perhaps their books didn’t achieve the blockbuster success of a novel like The Da Vinci Code, but they sold well over a period of years and in some cases continue to sell after the authors’ deaths. I can’t accept a simple distinction between sales and accolades.
I take your point that the editors at Harper Collins have potential sales uppermost in their minds, but I would hope that they would recognise originality and quality, to the extent that they would consider the completed manuscript for publication under one of their many imprints. There is also the point that AUI has already been backed by many authonomy members and has maintained a high position over quite a period of time.
I would also hope that the editors could form a useful working impression from the online excerpt. Dogge’s character is seen evolving from teacher and reviewer and father, through victim of guilt, passionate and ultimately jealous lover, to victim of mental illness. I think there’s enough there to indicate the drift of the narrative.
Of course you may be right and an editor, harassed with overwork, may not be inclined to give this manuscript the attention it deserves. Nevertheless, I believe that there is enough material here to show its quality and to give a sufficiently clear impression of the book. I prefer to be optimistic that the editors will want to see the completed work.

Regards, and wishes for the best of luck with your own work.
Michael.

An Unfinished Innocence, is it poetry, is it prose? It's so completely different, disregarding all convention and diving forward with a voice like no other. Simple phrases say so much: "He dragged his toasty laundry upstairs, virtuously sweating." The use of time as a series while Dogge and Gloria wait for news of Ed's outcome. Forget markets, forget publishers. Do your own thing. This is unique.
Rosalind Barden
American Witch

Hi JL ... You certainly have an unusual style that is packed with originality. There are places where the writing is a bit too wordy, but I sense this is the effect you are striving for. there is a touch of the Woody Allen's in places that is nothing short of inspired.
The main problem I have is that off the small amount of work uploaded, the reader cannot tell whether the book is going to be suitable as a best seller. We cannot empathise with your characters. Do we feel sorry for Brenden? Is he a figure of hate, ridicule, or is he intelligent or stupid?
I would suggest you upload more so the reader can decide the direction the story leads. If you should make the desk, I think it will be returned saying something like 'not enough material to make an evaluation' if you sent this to an agent, it would certainly be returned with a similar phrase, if they bothered to read at all. Sorry for the negative thoughts, but you really do need more material. Hope this helps, Regards ... Duncan.

Not quite sure – that is the first impression. It is certainly a challenging style, which is both a plus and a minus. Minus if you are after a mass audience and a plus if you are after accolades. I would love to have started from the beginning and had time to get into the style more and also to be holding the book in my hands, sitting comfortably, on holidays, beside a fire with a good scotch – this is what this work deserves rather than reading on a computer, at work, in snippets.
The only real comment I have is to be very sure of the market you are after – it has great potential in either but probably not both and the style as is would have to be more engaging for a mass market.
Best of luck with it, I would definitely buy it for the above mentioned scotch scenario.
Andrew

An Unfinished Innocence by j.l. wood-miller is an outstanding work of literary fiction. I am backing this book and rating it 5 stars out of 5 stars. This work has so much going for it - the plot is intense and fascinating; the characters are well drawn, especially the protagonist, Brendan Dogge; the use of language is at times soft and lyrical and at other times gritty and hard core. The only disappointment is that authonomy's version of An Unfinished Innocence is unfinished. I am very much looking forward to the publication of this intriguing novel so that I will be able to read all of it!

Dark, witty, off-key, quirky, different, arresting, well-verbed. I could list a hundred more descriptive words to describe its authenticity and quality. Keep it up.
Check me out too as I know I work in a different realm than you. Still writers can recognize style and quality even if it is not your genre of choice.

Sample THE BUTTERFLY AND THE BOLL WEEVIL.
All hell breaks loose in virtuous Jasameena's life--set off by the stray hand of a backsliding pastor and the hypocrisy of a southern church community.

Comment, rank it, and back it as I will do the same for you.

Kudos to you and your current success.

I much enjoyed these excepts from Dogge's adventures, I presume this is partly autobiographical, with lots of nods to famous Irish writers.
Giving it a spin on my shelf to read some more
catchalater... mikegilli The Free

You asked me to read An Unfinished Innocence over 3 months ago - apologies for the delay! But, I have read it now and here's what I thought:

You have a sophisticated style of writing that suits the nature of the book. I like the characters - they are all well-written, interesting and credible. Every so often, the prose become slightly poetic, revealing descriptive inner thoughts and desires and this puts a real edge on the quality of your characters.

The only quibble I have is the constant change in tense. Sometimes it's past and sometimes its present. Choose one and stick with it. For me, using the present tense often makes the text a little stilted. It's probably just a personal preference and I am in no way suggesting that you rewrite the chapter in the past tense - but here and there, some sentences sound a little off (particularly as it's in the third person. This occasionally puts a little too much imbalance on the observer/reflective quality.)

By the way, forgive me if you are altering tenses for a reason - however, if that is the case, it's not altogether clear, which is why I've brought it up.

Besides that one - personal - hiccup, I like this book and will back it when there is a place on my shelf, which should be tomorrow.

All the best
Fe
'This Salted Earth'

Hi. I'm giving this stars for its sheer originality. Much of it is very witty, dark and funny. It reminds me in parts of James Joyce (woohoo!!) so well done. can't say I 'get' all of it but you've definitely got that rsre commodity - originality.
Julia ('Jelly-Boy')
PS. Is the whole of that first uploaded section meant to be one chapter? Man, it's long.

Wow. This isn't the sort of thing you can read in bed when you're knackered, but I loved it all the same. It reminded me a bit of the Spider Jerusalem graphic novels.

I adored it when we slipped straight from the reminiscence of Miss Tjart to her showing up and asking impossible questions at the Q&A session - that was the moment when I thought "I'm going to keep going with this". 999 people out of 1000 would have put those two items the other way round (I know I would have), but switch 'em round and you've got this spectacular set-piece literary special effect.

So, enough gushing about that, I just really liked it that much. In the first paragraph I'd insert a comma between "rice pudding" and "and smoked". Anywhere else it wouldn't bother me, but right at the beginning it just made me think "uh oh... is this going to need extreme concentration?"

I'd also maybe think about introducing other characters more slowly. I know there's the dramatis personae, but I'm an average reader, and I'm too dim to keep that in my head, and too lazy to keep refering back. Then again, I guess it's supposed to be quite bewildering, so maybe it doesn't matter that much. I liked the first section better than the second one.

Anyway... Dylan Thomas' trousers... All art moves towards the burlesque... What can I say?

Though I don't tend to read llterary fiction, I do like this style. Extremely tight and well written too. The half a victim did intrigue me and I now understand it. That's a good catch for a reader, one of the best I've seen in a long time. Lost my track a bit at the lift and coffee and lift and coffee descriptions and stopped there. Good luck with this
Charlie

I thought I'd better have a look at the work of a writer who described my book of stories for children as "Literary fiction pushed to its limits in a strangely comic tale of a stranger intellect", just to see if he meant what I thought he had meant. Excert from "An Unfinished Innocence" are a shocking collection of incoherent ramblings. The reason they are shocking is beacause they somehow hit a nerve, the more you read the more you relate to the characters and the incoherence reveals itself to actually be an excess of clarity. If you understand that you are as crazy as the author. The author comes across as a bit of a kindred spirit, which might be unsettling for him when I mention that I consider myself to be a "couch dodger". "Couch Dodger" refers to a person who is a little bit off-the-wall, but perectly happy to cope with their insanity and not waste their time talking to psychiatrists that ultimately aim to destroy creativity. An Unfinished Innocence is on my bookshelf and definately gets my backing.

I love the name Dogge. I like all the names in fact, and the writing is really pleasurable and funny, some stand out sentences - someone else wrote this already, but I feel like I could be reading something by Pynchon. Did you really write a whole book of this? I might have to force myself to care about plot, like I did with Crying of Lot (but then the plot turned out to be the cherry on the cake as it may with Unfinished Innocence - and in fact already I'm intrigued, asking questions, wondering...).
I'm backing it and all that so good luck

Extremely post-modern, as mentioned in one of your tags. I agree with some of the previous commenters that the writing is tight and is pulling off your objective: a kind of mimetic-esque book to get the reader to _feel_ the schizophrenia of the protagonist.

I will say that I'm biased, being _against_ post-modern literature as a rule. (I have frightful college stories of studying post-modern literature until it numbed my skull.)

So in conclusion: I appreciate your artistic ability in pulling off the complexity a novel like this entails. However, post-modern literature has never been my cup of tea.

"An Unfinished Innocence"
by j.l. wood-miller

Hey there JL,
I definitely enjoyed the read. I found the prose tight, clear and witty.
I think Dogge is a character that actor John Malkovich would be drawn to if your book was ever adapted for film. Hmm, maybe he's a bit old now, but still, I'm sure you know what I'm getting at.
I think you have a real winner here and I’d love to read more. Will you be uploading another morsel any time soon?
I’ve given you high stars and ‘An Unfinished Innocence’ is on my watchlist for now.
Great work and best of luck.

Veronica Peace
Fake It ‘til You Make It (incomplete ms)
Three Broads and a Broomstick (ms undergoing initial editing)
My Island Home (children’s picture book)

One of the few actual literary novels on this site (please correct me if I'm wrong - there must be more only I haven't navigated to them yet).
Reminded me of Pynchon in style - lots of dark humour coming through.
I'm going to back as I want to see it on the editors desk. Come on everyone else - what are you waiting for - Back it!
Have a look at my book - not a high brow novel, as my girlfriend put it the other day (and she was, of course, correct as usual) but hopefully enjoyable.

David J Baron - The List

Very well written my friend. I like the neat intro, like many other professional writters would have done. Details in description of the characters and surroundings. Insightful in human nature, and some parts are funny too! :D

I loved your introduction/synopsis, I couldn't wait to read the book but unfortunately I was quickly lost when I started reading. Is there any vchance you could upload the beginning of the book?

You sent me a message, I dipped into this excerpt. See where you're going, and some of the humour worked. But this semi-scatalogical style needs much. much discipline to iron out superfluous words/phrases, to keep it tight tight tight.

Would have been nice to read it from the beginning - why not; show us, is it a secret?

This has got big potential - especially with the gift of humour that you have.

Will read more if it comes.

(if you want to read some real square, conservative, linear prose, try The Pioneer!!!)

Phil B

J.L,

Here's the thing: I love this prose style. I recently read another sample that was full of obtuse prose, but whereas that was purple, ostentatious prose, this is earthy and evocative. There's a streetwise whimsy to your work which is strangely compulsive.

But. You can have too much of a good thing. After a while, I was thinking "OK, this is all very arty and perhaps symbolic, but why should I care to read this further?" The pseudo-intellectual ramblings fast lose their impact if they're not broken up, and even during the moments of dialogue and apparent action, the trippy stream-of-consciousness still lies thick over it all like a haze.

But either way, this is still very eloquent and, as I said before, compulsive. I had a good giggle at the digital clock thing (and I see I'm not the only one), but take heed: that laugh is a very-straightforward, frill-free moment. I appreciate that you may be reaching for something impressive and artistic here, but if you trim back the tangents and monolgues when the plot is taking centre stage, you can still weave a good story and not sacrifice a bit of your art. Quite the opposite: by contrast, readers will appreciate it all the more.

I can just about back this, but I would highly recommend a good edit.

PeeJay

Well, not really my taste, as I like Hemingway (minimum description, maximum thought), but nice. Too much at the beginning, but it got better, more relaxed, later on. Rated.

I found the first part of the piece had a little too much going on for me. I'm ok with metaphors etc, but they are crammed into the narrative and it isn't until I got past that part that the story took shape. At this point, the writing flowed and was engaging enough for me to want to read more, although this isn't a genre I would normally look for. Good work.
You are free to look at my novel, No Boundaries, but I'm not interested in watchlists and the like, only in how it read and what you think of it. I'm a big boy and honest feedback doesn't hurt as long as its constructive.

First let me say that you have talent. Your excerpt was so disjointed, it forced me to find the logic. The more I read the more I realized there was no logic to it, I was reading Dogge's mind. I really hope that is what you are going for, if not well maybe I need to check myself in for 72 hrs. This type of writing is not what I usually read, matter of fact I never read writing like this. The closest thing that I can think of that comes close to your writing is the movie "A beautiful mind" What I will give you props for is you have taken a very serious mental illness, and brought it down to ground level for many people.

I am going to put you on my watch list. Once I have re-read this again if I can make my way through it again. I will decide whether or not to shelf/star you.
When you get a moment, please check out my book Savage Tomahawk. After what I just read, honey you need a little sunshine :)
have a great day and happy writing
Trish

I suppose that given the list of your literary heroes this read is what one would expect. I prefer to start books at the begining, plunging in without establishing shots makes an awkward read. There was humour, some of the humour was funny, but it seemed to be trying to hard, a bit anal retentive. The intensity of the situations and characters made it a slow difficult read.Not for beside the bed. I'm sorry I can't rate it without more information. The come on was nicely glib but the read wasn't

Picking up on some of the recent comments, I'd like to make a few points.

Every word of AUI is considered and precisely used. The language resounds with the rhythms both of speech and of poetry. There are lines of blank verse embedded in the prose. There are literary allusions. Revel in it! Luxuriate in it!

The humour has often been remarked on. Humour lies in the use of language, in the ironies that abound in Dogge's consciousness. The characters can be entertaining, they can be shocking and they can be tragic. Dogge's emotions extend from his love for his son and his sense of having lost his wife, through guilt for the injuring of his friend to a sexual obsession. This purveyor of philosophy and the literary word seeks redemption in the person of the vamp to end all vamps.

We have a close, unblinking view of mental illness that is painful, comic and moving.

There is ample material to stimulate and satisfy the philosophical mind. There is a whole galaxy of characters whose humanity entertains.

That first paragraph pencils in many points of reference to Dogge's history and the possibilities of development. Let yourself be intrigued. Let yourself be drawn into this exciting, unpredictable ride through a world of humanity and ideas, immersed in J. L. Wood-Miller's intoxicatingly crafted prose.

I haven't yet come across another novel on the site that has the literary ambition, scope and, already, achievement of AUI. It's a truly literary work in progress. And it's entertaining!

Michael Johnson.

The prose is so muscular you feel that if you met it on the beach it would kick sand in your face. It is quite funny, though. With editing this could definitely work.

Martin Taylor

im sorry but i couldnt even get pass the first chapter its way too much detail for me

The characters and the situation sound interesting, however, as others did I had trouble following some of the story -- it didn't feel fleshed out enough for me. Perhaps that is because it is an excerpt. However, keep writing; I think there is promise here.