BENEATH THE BLOSSOM TREE

Hi, Laura, I just read the first two chapters of your book, and here are my thoughts:
You have quite the ability to evoke emotions in the reader. Chapter one was both sad and beautiful at the same time, while chapter two brings with it the raw emotions of a seventeen year old girl who has, for the second time in four years, undergone the unimaginable loss of a parent, and is now left to face the world without them. Her disdain for her counselor was obvious, and I felt it was justified, as the counselor seemed rather thoughtless at times.
Here are some things I noticed while I was reading:
'It knows better than us humans...' us should be we.
'It sees the gift of freedom and living...' living appears twice in this sentence.
In the paragraph starting, 'Sometimes I make small talk with my parents,' the tenses don't match. Either replace the 'I'll' in the next two sentences with I or change the first I to I'll to make them match.
I'm wondering why Laylla has a brand new car, since she only works weekends and her family wasn't wealthy. Was it maybe her mother's car?
Overall, this is a very good piece of writing. Laylla is a very good character; she's not 'perfect,' she has lots of faults but also lots of redeeming qualities. The other characters, too, have lots of depth; I especially liked Lizzie, and found the counselor to be somewhat incompetent, though well-intentioned. Looks like this novel is off to a great start! Lots of stars for now, and a spot on my shelf when space becomes available.
Best of luck!
Emily

BENEATH THE BLOSSOM TREE

As we get older most of us begin to encounter death, usually of aged relatives, so there is much for people to relate to in your work.

Both pitches: I actually think it would be better to change the focus that you place on your work. As I read these pitches I see not a story of death and loneliness but a story about how we come to reconcile and understand our lives in the context of those things. In essence, as it says finally in your last paragraph, this is about how we come to cope with and incorporate those negative responses into something new and positive. If I were you I would recast this presentation a bit to concentrate on that. I don’t think it’s ever appealing to put a direct appeal into the sales pitch. So the bit about ‘an emotional journey’ should be left to the reader –after all when you finished telling them what it’s about they will know it’s an emotional journey. Also, the ‘falling for a man’ bit is just tacked onto the end as if it were an afterthought. My guess is it’s important so beef it up.

Prologue: I don’t think they lay together; they lie together; unless you have confused your tenses. Actually there is a bit of tense confusion in this prologue. Otherwise this is efficient at fleshing out the story advertised in the pitches: a young woman re-interpreting her life now that she has met somebody. Nice image of the blossom tree.

Main text: The slight hesitation I had over tenses and so on in the prologue disappeared as soon as I read into chapter one. You have a very confident voice here, it just reads naturally and flows so well that I actually read much faster and further than I would have thought – given that this is not the sort of thing that I would normally choose to read. I detected no forced expressions or descriptions. I recognised the settings and felt the dialogue was entirely natural and appropriate. Better not re-ignite your car though, just re-start it.
Six stars.

Beneath The Blossom Tree.
By Laura Bailey.

I’ve opened your book again after a long time.
I was most impressed when I last read it and remembered it well.
When a book stands out in one’s mind, it can be lost in time by the many books read on the site.
This is what happened with yours. I’m glad I found it again.
My comment is much the same as in the past but sincere in its intentions.
This is such a lovely beginning to your book, Laura.
The prologue conjures up a scene of beauty for the reader, a lovely spring day with all that goes with it…butterflies and flowers.
I took in the serene atmosphere that you have skillfully conveyed with your excellent description.
I could breath in the scent of the air and the warmth of the day. This to me is great writing.
Somehow, the sadness of Laylla’s visit to her parent’s grave is lifted.
By her personal thoughts and communications with her deceased parents, I thought she was not alone on this fine spring day…they were actually listening.
I sincerely think you have a talent for writing; you will capture a lot of readers with your style.
The description throughout your book is extremely good, on par with the best I’ve seen.
Pleased to give it the highest rating and place it on my shelf.
BACKED. An exceptional writer!

Kind regards,

Neville Kent. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Laura
At the end of reading the prologue I had tears in my eyes, it was so moving and beautifully written. I've read two more chapters and am really enjoying the read. You create a sombre feeling, making Laylla vulnerable. Your writing style is very descriptive which helps me to build up a picture in my mind as I'm reading and makes me want to read more.
Wishing you luck with this,
Jane (Jedye)

I came to read Chapter 1 and read to Chapter 2. Your MC is just as old as me, I can't imagine being ready to graduate high school at 17 and both of my parents being dead. Your writing is melancholic and I could see the flowers floating to the ground as she knelt on the grass by her parents grave, whispering to them about her day. It was just a beautiful scene. Your wonderful descriptions carry over to the 2nd chapter too. I love the dialogue tag, "she beamed with the smileof a true chocoholic." It's different and let's me know more about the characters. I look forward to seeing this book go far. Best of luck with it!

Ashley
'Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket'

Hi Laura,

I've read all but two of the chapters you posted. I thought the prologue really stood out and was excellent. It really drew me in. I liked the tie in with the title and the blossom falling around the grave. Such a sombre moment but beautifully told.

Laylla is drawn with great sympathy, to the extent it occurred to me it may be based on your own experiences. I did struggle a little with the gulf developing between Laylla and Jess and between Laylla and Lizzie. These are people she has been close to yet they seem to just desert her. I know friendships are often tested and lost when people go to different universities but Lizzie changes so drastically, so quickly. As for Jess I wonder if she has become indifferent to her sister or if that is just Laylla's perception, another facet to the depth of her grief.

The flashback in Chapter Four didn't particularly work for me. The story is told in first person but then we are given a memory of Paul's told in the first person from him. I think, personally, I would have preferred to have seen him tell her about the experience rather than relive it via a flashback, but that is just my opinion.

There were a few instances were the narrative seemed to overwhelm the dialogue, like later in Chapter Six, where instances such as the meeting with Lizzie and the distance growing between them was told rather than set out via dialogue. I appreciate that a lot of the story is Laylla retreating into her own mind and those instances have to be narrative and I do think your narrative is very well written.

Overall, I think this is a very interesting and evocative concept. I do really like some of the images you conjure up, the sympathy formed for Laylla makes me want to to see how life turns out for her and hope that she can find her way through her grief to forge new relationships.

your story is moving and i like it. your voice is flawless. i didnt notice a single mistake either. i like how we can figure out what kind of characters they are automatically. they have loud personalities and i love how we see that by how she acts with her counsellor. one thing i didnt particulairly like was the flashback that laylla had when her and her friend had been in gym class with the shoe issue. for me personally, i dont like when characters describe themselves as being kind or whatever. i like more indirect characterization. but thats just me being nit picky. overall this is a beautiful story. highly rated.
good luck with this,
Melissa :)
Gut Instincts

Laura,
I read your prologue and love the narrative voice. It's very sad to think of Laylla visiting her parents so long after their deaths and I sensed her melancholy state of mind. I like her already and feel great sympathy for her. I see the romance element of the story comes up much later when she is at the university and it will be no fairy tale romance. Beneath the Blossom Tree has great appeal to me due to your sympathetic protagonist and her psychological makeup. She is someone I would want to know in real life and her story is very believable.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Incredible romance story. For someone who really lost both his parents through cancer, eleven years apart from each other, I can very much understand your story. Is this beased on your own experience? The idea of a blossom tree next to the parents' gravesite is unique and heart-touching. One can sympathize with Laylla and how she copes with loss and learns to risk to love again.
Well done and backed.
All the best
Kirk

“Sleeping Together, Always And Forever” What a great poetic line. I love how something intrigues me even before I start reading the story. Then I find out that’s what Laylla wrote for her parents’ gravestone. Nice.

I think it’s cool how she compared herself to a butterfly. I liked that. These simple but subtle things are nice to see. I love ideas and images and this had both. The first chapter was so nice, so short, and so simple that it caught my interest. There was only one thing it was about and it was Laylla visiting her parents’ grave. It wasn’t going off about one or two characters or telling us about what’s to come or bringing in zombies :) . Or telling us a funny joke to hook us. You just wrote it how you wanted it to be and it showed tremendously. Perfect and 6 stars. This and a few others will be on my shelf. But right now I have to give the ones on there more than just a few days before I boot them off. wow, boot is such a harsh word. well, maybe take down would be better. i will be back to read more. Once I empty out my packed watch list. :/

Laura

As promised, a return read. I read your first five chapters and all I have to say is that I loved it. And that's a big deal coming from someone like me who NEVER reads this sort of book. I didn't spot any errors, but then I was busy turning the pages :)

Very well done

Evie

Fully rated and backed! I really enjoyed reading the first three chapters and will continue reading the rest later tonight!
Well done Laura! This book really hooked me!
Alret
xxx

Your writing style is pretty polished. The pace of your story is gentle. The plot has emotional attachments. I enjoyed the first few chapter. Your target audience is bound to enjoy your story. I found the second chapter emotional just as it was intended to be. Fully rated. Good luck.
Daniela

Read the prologue and chapter one. I was very impressed with your writing style and easily lost myself in the story. I especially liked Laylla's attitude toward the counselor. It gave us a feel for her personality and for how she was handling, or not handling, her grief.

Pleased to offer my backing.

DW

you r not a doctor, right. then how come u managed to put the doctor patient relationship so nicely.
i see patients day in and out but still had to struggle hard when i had to put in into words in my book
kudos to u
ch 3 review next day
keep writing
regards
dr amit
do take some time to review my book and if possible to support it. thanks again

hi laura,
the prologue ... in two words ....absolutely fantastic... honestly.
enough to force me to put it in my bookshelf. and yours is the first book i will do so.
happy writing. will keep commenting as and when i read the book.
do take out some time to atleast comment on my book and add to the watchlist... if not on the bookshelf.
not a compulsion, only upto u...but it will encourage me if you comment atleast.
regards
dr amit

Hi Laura,

I thought I'd comment even though I've only read 2 chapters. The first - the Prologue, is quite lovely to read, a gentle piece, with sadness and passion of an innocent child who has lost both parents, and visiting the grave.

Chapter one (or 2), is written really well. It flows, full of pace and dark humour. I like your character Laylla, age 17 and having just lost her parents. She is understandably angry. I like her assertiveness with Dr Holland. Priceless. when she calls the doctor Janet. She seems older than her years. But that's ok.

There were many places that made me smile. I like her memory of her childhood, learning to giggle. And the incident with her friend in the gym, lending her one shoe so that neither of them got chucked out of class.

A beautiful piece. My only problem with this chapter is that I'm not sure where it is going. The first chapter should set up some dilemma for the main character. Is it that she has no where to live potentially? Or is she going to to go to University? Not sure that these things were made clearly enough.

But I like it enough to put it on my shelf. I want to read some more first. Will do soon.

Best wishes
Marilyn

Thank you very much Jacoba, so pleased you like the redraft!

Laura

Hi Laura,
I read the first three chapters again and they seem fine to me. I remember how I enjoyed this story and wanted to know how it ends. You have a nice flowing writing style that captures the characters and scenes, really drawing the reader in.
The prologue is well written and sets the tone for the story.
I like the first chapter being with the counsellor, gives you a real indication of Laylla and Jess's character and how they're dealing or not dealing with their parents death.
Only one minor nitpick, I think it may have been in chapter one, you describe Laylla 'long dark curls in her hair', I'd probably cut out 'in her hair', it just might make the description flow better.
I will watchlist this again and add the title to my profile page, hopefully give it some shelf time next month,
I am always keen to read on if you ever consider posting more,
Cheers Jacoba

Hi Laura,
I read the first three chapters again and they seem fine to me. I remember how I enjoyed this story and wanted to know how it ends. You have a nice flowing writing style that captures the characters and scenes, really drawing the reader in.
The prologue is well written and sets the tone for the story.
I like the first chapter being with the counsellor, gives you a real indication of Laylla and Jess's character and how they're dealing or not dealing with their parents death.
Only one minor nitpick, I think it may have been in chapter one, you describe Laylla 'long dark curls in her hair', I'd probably cut out 'in her hair', it just might make the description flow better.
I will watchlist this again and add the title to my profile page, hopefully give it some shelf time next month,
I am always keen to read on if you ever consider posting more,
Cheers Jacoba

Thank you so much for your kind words and backing, it is truly appreciated! Alexis is on my WL and I intend to read it very soon.

Laura

This story is wonderful! Her pain and problems are very real for the reader. And the prologue was exquisite! A beautiful starter. I thought the councilor scenes were very well handled. I was impressed. And the scene where she goes to her mother's room in her mind, that was so sweet and touching. You will certainly be able to touch readers with this story. Wonderful work! I noticed a few errors in chap 3--technically chap 2--but honestly, I don't remember what they were. Oh, by the way--"tag teamed"--is that a british phrase? I've never heard of it before. I love finding new phrases. They're fun. ;)
I'll back when I can. Any comments for Alexis would be greatly appreciated. God bless, and good luck!

--Shieldmaiden

This story is wonderful! Her pain and problems are very real for the reader. And the prologue was exquisite! A beautiful starter. I thought the councilor scenes were very well handled. I was impressed. And the scene where she goes to her mother's room in her mind, that was so sweet and touching. You will certainly be able to touch readers with this story. Wonderful work! I noticed a few errors in chap 3--technically chap 2--but honestly, I don't remember what they were. Oh, by the way--"tag teamed"--is that a british phrase? I've never heard of it before. I love finding new phrases. They're fun. ;)
I'll back when I can. Any comments for Alexis would be greatly appreciated. God bless, and good luck!

--Shieldmaiden

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO HAS OFFERED CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM OVER THE LAST FEW WEEKS. SOME GLARING ERRORS AND SOME LESS OBVIOUS. I AM REDRAFTING BENEATH THE BLOSSOM TREE AND WILL UPDATE MY UPLOAD AS AND WHEN I COMPLETE CHAPTERS. I HAVE JUST UPLOADED MY REDRAFTED PROLOGUE TO CHAPTER 3. I HOPE YOU WILL SEE HOW USEFUL YOUR COMMENTS HAVE BEEN TO ME.

BEST WISHES,

LAURA

i came back for a more thorough read. i love your title and book cover. the pitch and concept totally appeal to me. characters who struggle to make sense of and heal their pasts are endlessly fascinating to me.
i still think you should cut the first 3 lines which read like a report rather than a novel. i'm not a big believer in 'shoulds' when it comes to writing fiction, but a novel that begins 'hi, my name is' will make me close it and move on.

if your first lines (after the quote) were: "these are the words i chose for the gravestone of my mum and dad. they lay together in the perfect plot of a blossom tree." -you've got me.

from the prologue, i got the impression that the mc was orphaned in one fell swoop- that her parents had died together. perhaps this could be made clearer.

in the first chapter, you have some tense inconsistency: "we had hardly spoken" as opposed to 'we hardly spoke", implying that sentence is in the distant past from the rest of the scene which is in past -except for 'lately' and 'now' which are in present and "was proving fruitless". you have some distant past of 'when i was a child... i'd say. then 'my appointment was' followed by "it is best i am there"

you have believable dialogue balanced well with physical descriptions. you create a complicated character who is sympathetic without being pitiful. both chapters have satisfying endings.

hopefully something i've said is helpful. thanks for the read.

Hi Laura,
Firstly I just want to apologise for taking so long to get to this. Glad I’ve had time to read it now because I really enjoyed it. The best word I can think of to describe the story and writing is just ‘lovely’. Everything from the flow to the characters and the setting is just to lovely. I got completely caught up in the story. Reminds me of a young Maeve Binchy. The mix of youth full playfulness with grief and loss balance very well and pull at the readers heart strings.
There’s the odd hint of unusual grammar. Some slips between tenses. The writing is set in the past tense but it does fall into the present tense on occasion. Be careful not to tell us what we already know. ‘she was rhetorically questioning me’. The reader could see this for themselves. I always find, as a reader, this type of slip really jars the otherwise smooth flowing narrative and can become very irritating.
All the best with this. I really enjoyed it.
Janny

Your story is interesting and the writing is strong. I like Laylla's internal sarcasm and Paul's sensitivity. The fact that people react differently to death is clearly portrayed. I've only read up to Chapter 5 but wonder what kind of a friend Lizzie is not to have called, and why Laylla didn't call her either. I hope this will be explained later in the story. I also wonder where Laylla spent her holidays. Was it with her sister or did she get a place of her own? Would like to know what her life is like outside uni, which means I'll have to read some more.

Hi Laura,

As promised, I've gotten around to reading your work.

Your writing is lovely, polished and confident. I like the story and the characters, and the pacing is just right. And some of your word choices are very clever, for example "paralleled the car." Now we know that isn't a real verb (at least I don't think so) but it felt so right.

I just have a few comments. "faired" as verb should be "fared." "It being July" is not really great English - I'd say "since it was July."

More important, I'm a big believer in the writer's maxim "show, don't tell." In a few spots, I found the writing bland because of "telling." For example "I was so happy and pleasant." Instead, why not, "As a kid, I was always giggling at the slightest thing, and my parents rarely scolded me, since I was mostly compliant." You describe the sister's hair as "usually beautiful." Try instead, "usually lustrous and wavy."

Along the same lines, a smart writing teacher once said "avoid adverbs." I think adverbs are another way of "telling" and they too make writing bland. Instead of "humanely" and "ominously," try to describe the actions. You can create a little scene for the reader, which makes her much more engaged with the work.

I did like this a lot, and I'm giving you a bundle of stars. I think if you just enlivened the writing in places, you'd have something very good.

Best,
Andi Brown
Animal Cracker

Hi Ross,

Thank you very much for your comments. Everytime I pick up a typo I seem to miss two so it's very helpful. I am going to do a redraft very soon and will use all of your comments, so thank you very much!

Laura

- Beneath the Blossom Tree -

(Based on the prologue and chapters 1-3)

I liked this a lot. Let's establish that from the get-go. Beneath the Blossom Tree works as both a coming-of-age story and an exploration of grief, life and death. There is some very neat character observation in there, particularly in the way that Laylla interacts with her therapist. This shows her to be witty, smart and tough beyond her years. Then we have her interaction with her friends and her sister, which shows her vulnerability and more of her true age. All in all, she is a very sympathetic character. Her attempt to shut herself off from the world and live in her grief, only to be pulled out of it by the people around her is a subtle emotional struggle that it nevertheless deeply charged.

The writing too is impressive. It verges from emotionally loaded simple structures to more literary flourishes that let us lose ourselves in some beautiful imagery. The latter is no more apparent than in the poetic prologue.

The single issue with the writing that I would raise is that, now and then, I wondered at the vocabulary and phrasing used by Laylla. Given her age, I might have expected some more idiomatic turns of phrase than the relatively formal constructions that pop up now and then.

Some nitpicks:
- I would suggest removing from chapter 1 both "she was rhetorically questioning me" and 'it was rhetoric," as the rhetorical nature is clear from the context.
-a couple of times the narrative slips into present tense, out of step with the overall past tense narrative. As in "Jess has a boyfriend," in chapter one.
-I liked the non- obvious route of uni admission but I would have liked that scene to have been drawn out a bit more, to show more of Laylla's reaction and emotion.

Typos:
-dry whit (instead of 'wit')
-How do you expect I faired? Instead of 'fared'.
-I gave her a croaked half smile. Did you mean 'crooked'?
-Janet turn down the lights. 'turned'.

As I say, I liked this a lot. It's immensely readable, one of those that has me frustrated that I don't have time to read further. I shall be ading it to my shelf as soon as I can.

Best of luck with it,

Ross

-I was weary that.'wary'.

- Beneath the Blossom Tree -

(Based on the prologue and chapters 1-3)

I liked this a lot. Let's establish that from the get-go. Beneath the Blossom Tree works as both a coming-of-age story and an exploration of grief, life and death. There is some very neat character observation in there, particularly in the way that Laylla interacts with her therapist. This shows her to be witty, smart and tough beyond her years. Then we have her interaction with her friends and her sister, which shows her vulnerability and more of her true age. All in all, she is a very sympathetic character. Her attempt to shut herself off from the world and live in her grief, only to be pulled out of it by the people around her is a subtle emotional struggle that it nevertheless deeply charged.

The writing too is impressive. It verges from emotionally loaded simple structures to more literary flourishes that let us lose ourselves in some beautiful imagery. The latter is no more apparent than in the poetic prologue.

The single issue with the writing that I would raise is that, now and then, I wondered at the vocabulary and phrasing used by Laylla. Given her age, I might have expected some more idiomatic turns of phrase than the relatively formal constructions that pop up now and then.

Some nitpicks:
- I would suggest removing from chapter 1 both "she was rhetorically questioning me" and 'it was rhetoric," as the rhetorical nature is clear from the context.
-a couple of times the narrative slips into present tense, out of step with the overall past tense narrative. As in "Jess has a boyfriend," in chapter one.
-I liked the non- obvious route of uni admission but I would have liked that scene to have been drawn out a bit more, to show more of Laylla's reaction and emotion.

Typos:
-dry whit (instead of 'wit')
-How do you expect I faired? Instead of 'fared'.
-I gave her a croaked half smile. Did you mean 'crooked'?
-Janet turn down the lights. 'turned'.

As I say, I liked this a lot. It's immensely readable, one of those that has me frustrated that I don't have time to read further. I shall be ading it to my shelf as soon as I can.

Best of luck with it,

Ross

-I was weary that.'wary'.

You probably don't need 'Or is it' and the end of your pitch, I think it detracts rather than adds.
I read the prologue and first chapter - it's very good. You handle the switches between active action and passive thought very well. I'm not one to judge as this is certainly not my type of story, but in this wham-bam world, I'm wondering if your story starts fast enough.

I may be wrong but I thought 16 year-olds were able to live unsupervised.

Good luck with this.

Thank you for your comments Maria, I think I have looked at it so much I don't see the obvious anymore. I intend to redraft very soon and take on board all of these comments.

I hope you enjoy the rest of the upload and thanks again, I really appreciate the help.

Laura

Dear Laura,
A very emotional prologue, as Lailla visits her parents at their final resting place. Her anguish and loneliness comes clearly through.
I have a couple of observations, but please consider the fact that i am not a professional editor, so take my comments with a grain of the proverbial salt :).
The prologue:
"I find the flight of (a butterfly) the new butterfly hovering over their resting place, fluttering to a rest of their headstone, fascinated."
Do you mean the butterfly is fascinated, or did it's actions seem fascinating to Lailla? Not clear :(
Chapter one:
"I slammed my brakes behind a parked car at a red light and (politely?) honked my horn to tell him to get a move on."
"I slammed my fist on the horn again..." Now that's more like it!:)
"I said to the women (woman) behind the desk..."
"I saw the doorhandle turn towards the ground."
If she was inside the building, the handle would be turning towards the (floor).
This is a wonderful read with a lot of emotion and pain. I especially felt the silent comfort between the two best friends.
Great job!

I'm on the road and could not read more than up to chapter one, but the prologue drew me in and i couldn't put it down, until i had to. Will read more later :)
Best,
Maria
Dark of the Moon

Dear Laura,
A very emotional prologue, as Lailla visits her parents at their final resting place. Her anguish and loneliness comes clearly through.
I have a couple of observations, but please consider the fact that i am not a professional editor, so take my comments with a grain of the proverbial salt :).
The prologue:
"I find the flight of (a butterfly) the new butterfly hovering over their resting place, fluttering to a rest of their headstone, fascinated."
Do you mean the butterfly is fascinated, or did it's actions seem fascinating to Lailla? Not clear :(
Chapter one:
"I slammed my brakes behind a parked car at a red light and (politely?) honked my horn to tell him to get a move on."
"I slammed my fist on the horn again..." Now that's more like it!:)
"I said to the women (woman) behind the desk..."
"I saw the doorhandle turn towards the ground."
If she was inside the building, the handle would be turning towards the (floor).
This is a wonderful read with a lot of emotion and pain. I especially felt the silent comfort between the two best friends.
Great job!

I'm on the road and could not read more than up to chapter one, but the prologue drew me in and i couldn't put it down, until i had to. Will read more later :)
Best,
Maria
Dark of the Moon

Katie,

Thank you for your message. Definitely up for more constructive criticism, I appreciate your comment very much.

Laura

this is a great concept. i was drawn in by your pitch. in my opinion, you should cut the first three lines of your opening and start with the quote and then: these are the words i chose for the headstone... so powerful. weave the background in later.
let me know if you're up for more crit. this is quite good.

this is a great concept. i was drawn in by your pitch. in my opinion, you should cut the first three lines of your opening and start with the quote and then: these are the words i chose for the headstone... so powerful. weave the background in later.
let me know if you're up for more crit. this is quite good.

Hi. I have read the first 2 chapters of Beneath the Blossom Tree and like it so far. I will get the little niggly negative things out of the way first of all if that's ok. A couple of spellings: kerb and not curb, and nobody appreciates her wit, not whit. Also, I have a feeling that a girl of Laylla's age would not cause social services a moment's thought. Teenagers can leave home and live independently at her age.
All that aside, I think you have a good one here. I really like your heroine's feisty, bolshie attitude with the counsellor. I smiled a few times while reading it. Also coming straight after the sentimental bit at the graveside it gives a good indication that although Laylla is spiky on the outside, she has a mushy inside (but she's not going to let anyone else see that).
These are just my preliminary thoughts on what I have read so far, but I will continue to read more chapters each time I come back. Well done.
Lynda
My book is "Homecoming" if you want to have a look.

Beneath the Blossom Tree.
A suitable cover and pitches, which warn me what to expect.

Prologue. My take on the opening sentence is that Laylla is an unusually self-centred individual. Instead of customarily focussing on her sorrow at the loss of her dear departed ones, she is absorbed in thoughts of her own plight. But the final words of the Prologue offer some hope.

Chs 1 & 2. I take notes as I write, but dont pretend to be an expert.
Is hopelessly a correct adjective for glasses hanging round the neck, I wonder.
My, Laylla's scratchy, isnt she.
Dont you mean 'How do you expect I fared?' and 'I gave her a crooked smile.'

Laylla's journey into life has started. Your story is being cleverly unfolded, but somehow I fail to identify with the MC. Perhaps because of the negative impact she is making.

But you write well, and the meetings with the counsellor are interesting and skilfully developed.

I dont feel like reading further, to the time when you promise she eventually discovers love. Perhaps if you'd started your book on that more positive note, I'd be more empathetic? I, too, have lost, but I'm afraid I dont relate...

I'm sorry to be so negative, especially as you clearly have talent as a writer. I wish you success with this.
Jane (Breath of Africa).

Beneath The Blossom Tree is a poetic rendering of loss seen through the eyes of a young girl. Laura Bailey has set an exquisite image of sweet pain before the reader that immediately catapaults them into the emotions of the main character. This is beautiful writing done well; it is not description strung end to end without purpose.

Laylla is drawn for us in layers using sadness, strength, humor, anger and fear. We care. And for those who of who have lost- we relate.

Dee Farrell
Warrior Heart

This is very touching and heartbreaking at times, but it does not leave the reader without hope, and I love that. I have already had it on my shelf , but it will remain on my WL with my "favorites" to be rotated up again and again.
Best wishes and warm regards,
Laura A. Diaz
"Come What May"

Hello Laura ' 'beneath the blossom tree'

what a lovely title and what a lovely cover to match, made for each other and the story to follow.
prologue oh so touching, bit sad really.
i have read five chapters. as i followed Laylla a seventeen minor as she comes to terms with the death of her parents, and now buried under that blossom tree.
you tell this tale in a certain fashion as to make the reader believe that it is a true story,.
Genere says fiction. is it? nice one Laura.
enjoyed the counselling session. and the day to day stories about life in the university.
up to the minute, pacey, and very well suited to the young adult readers. Would make for a perfect holiday read
good luck with it.
tom bye ' from hugs to kisses'
mine is fiction based on fact, oblige and back or comment please
thanks

Hello Laura ' 'beneath the blossom tree'

what a lovely title and what a lovely cover to match, made for each other and the story to follow.
prologue oh so touching, bit sad really.
i have read five chapters. as i followed Laylla a seventeen minor as she comes to terms with the death of her parents, and now buried under that blossom tree.
you tell this tale in a certain fashion as to make the reader believe that it is a true story,.
Genere says fiction. is it? nice one Laura.
enjoyed the counselling session. and the day to day stories about life in the university.
up to the minute, pacey, and very well suited to the young adult readers. Would make for a perfect holiday read
good luck with it.
tom bye ' from hugs to kisses'
mine is fiction based on fact, oblige and back or comment please
thanks

In the prologue is a well orchestrated belief in life after death, which to some if not quite many is more or less fairy tale. As a christian I always think that it is to avail for the dead to direct the living, which is what Laylla is craving for her late parents. I have always thought that if the dead had a bearing on the living, the Bible's King David would have slapped right in the face his son, King Solomon when King Solomon was building shrines for each of his 700 wife and concubines:

Before David died he charged his son Solomon to serve the Lord whole-heartedly: “As for you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father, and serve Him with a loyal heart and with a willing mind; for the LORD searches all hearts and understands all the intent of the thoughts. If you seek Him, He will be found by you; but if you forsake Him, He will cast you off forever” (1 Chronicles 28:9, NKJV).

Dear Laura,

I find your pitched well framed. It is intriguing enough, raising curiosity within window readers (as in window shoppers). So, off I go.

a good book; heart felt, honest, and touching. you write clearly and with an easy to read style; l have backed...
read SEASONS...

Laura,
"Beneath the Blossom Tree" is a fascinating read, as i know people who've gone through what you have Laylla going through. Your casual prose used with a first person POV and the easy dialogue pulled me right into the scene to participate, watch faces emote. Laylla's mood swings as she seeks a proper niche in a world without her parents, are so real, almost palpable. Thank you for the compelling book.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Strong start. You've piqued my interest. A couple notes: It's McDonald's (no Mac). Ages are hyphenated (i.e. seventeen-year-old"). And you might want to make mention of where Durham is for your ignorant American readers, because I assumed you meant North Carolina, only she calls her mother "Mum" so I had to look it up and see that there's a Durham in the UK (you know, where we stole our names from). I've watchlisted and I'll keep reading. Nice work!

Hi Laura, have put your book on my watchlist and book shelf, would love to finish reading the book, can't wait to see if Laylla finally finishes the law degree and what happens with Jacob. Will keep checking the progress.

An excellent read. I could actually feel Laylla's pain. It took me on an emotional journey and was a book I just couldn't put down. I'd love to read more of your work.

Hi Laura, Grief is evident in all the intonations of dialogue and yet Laylla is alive as a character. This paradox makes the story mount as she reconciles herself with the counselor and with Lizzie's problems. You've set the story against a backdrop, a teenager so on her own, and that's subtly done so that I could feel the fear of it as I read. A good flow to the storytelling. Shelved - Katherine (The House in Windward Leaves, The Swan Bonnet)

Thank you so much for your comments! I have gotten a little discouraged with this site, and it's so uplifting to have someone actually read it, and give feedback. I have put your book on my shelf, and will read it and give you my thoughts. Thanks again! Julie

Hi Laura,
I read all ten chapters and would have read on if there was more.
I like Laylla's character and the floors to her personality. She feels very real.
The way the story built and her emotions took over was indiciative of dealing with such a stressful situation for a young person.
Now I'm at the point where I wish there was more so I could see a happy ending for her.
I will star rate and watchlist for now.
Let me know if you upload more, I'd like to know how this one ends.
Cheers Jacoba

you have a strong voice. don't overload your sentences. let the story flow naturally. there are three things important to a story: flow, flow and the details. flow is everything. well done so far. your voice kept me reading.



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