And Lo, God Took His Coffee Black

Ben,

Can't . . . stop . . . reading!!! This is going to be one of those rare books where I read the whole thing.

This book starts well and just keeps getting better. I loved the scene of Yahweh and Frigga alone at dinner, and the one with Jesus and his pals out at the bar. They're all so . . . human, but not quite. Which makes the mortals all the more touching in their imperfect humanity. And, damn! It's funny and insightful throughout. It seems pretty obvious that we in the Church have a lot to answer for, and a long way to go to be what Jesus had in mind. I can't be offended because, sadly, it's so true.

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED

And Lo, God Took His Coffee Black is an amusing book that takes a seemingly good situation, getting to have coffee with God on a regular basis, and turns it into a curse. In a way, its kind of like saying “May you live in interesting times.”

Author Benjamin Gorman has taken what is likely an impossible situation and turned it into a highly believable tale, whereby average Joe must have coffee with God each week. But far from asking God for things like a new Ferrari, Joe mostly sits there and has to make small talk while God complains about every little thing.

Most of the book is light and humorous, though there are some darker and more intellectual themes running through the various chapters. The biggest plot twist is that Joe’s son is apparently cursed to share Joe’s fate once he is old enough, and Joe does not want this to happen.

Thankfully, the dialog in this book is very strong, riveting even. Despite the fact that Joe does not want to be there, he takes the opportunity to ask God the questions we all would. God never seems to give a straight answer, but sometimes hints at things to come. I kept imagining myself talking with God, what I would say, how I would react. I think most readers will as well.

And Lo, God Took His Coffee Black should appeal to a wide audience once published. It’s a book that has few equals plot-wise. The humor is subtle for the most part, and although Gorman does approach the sacrilegious line where large numbers of people will be offended, causing a backlash against the novel, I don’t think he quite crosses it. It’s touched a few times for sure, but never crossed. As such, I think it would be successful, and is certainly well written.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

I really enjoyed the first two chapters. What a great take on the deities, and in particular the portrayal of Yahweh as a querulous old man. Backed, & I'll be back to read the rest.
-Sophie-

Well, I came back to attempt a crit, but I find this book pretty tricky to criticise.

It’s not flawless. No book is flawless. But it has style. And it has humour. And behind it all, there are some pretty sharp comments on all kinds of things. I’m finding it very easy to read, without ever feeling that it’s been dumbed down.

The opening chapter is great. It’s funny, it sets up the premise of the book without seeming to try too hard, and the dialogue is wonderful (which is good, seeing as the chapter is mostly dialogue).

Chapter 2 I felt was slightly weaker, perhaps (now that I look back on it) because there’s much less dialogue (which you’re really strong on) and it does feel a bit like a bridge between Chapter 1 and Chapter 5 – as though you thought a bit of scene-setting was required. If I was going to suggest anything, I’d suggest beefing this chapter up a bit.

In my view Chapter 3 was stronger again. The family relationships strike the right balance between quirky and realistic, and the characters are likeable. The bedtime story scene was genuinely touching.

I found Chapter 4 kept my attention less, but that’s only because I was enjoying the balance of humour and depth in the preceding chapters so much and I wanted to get back to that. And Chapter 4, perhaps of necessity, is more serious. Of course, a book like this needs that undercurrent of darkness, and you’re dealing with a tricky subject here. But I did wonder whether you could perhaps find a way to inject a bit more comedy into this chapter. Yahweh and Joe are both more three-dimensional because they are gently mocked as well as presented as characters with real concerns. Can you do the same with Ghair Aadi?

Loved Chapter 5. This is a great example of the way you are able to lighten a serious point with humour. Meme, the god of atheism. Fantastic.

I will keep reading, but one final thing: I’d suggest placing this book into additional categories as well as literary fiction. ‘Literary fiction’ is applied to so many diverse works on this site that it’s become almost meaningless. If nothing else, I’d add comedy – because this really is a funny book.

All for different. All for humour. All for truth. So I'm backing this. Well done.
Lara
GOOD FOR HIM

I read some of this a while ago, but only just made space on my shelf for it. Great concept and well executed. I'm a little outside my genre here (I usually do detailed read swaps with other fantasy authors) but can attempt a crit if you think it would be useful - or if not, just sit back and enjoy my shelf space for a little while ;-)

Ben,

Can't . . . stop . . . reading!!! This is going to be one of those rare books where I read the whole thing.

This book starts well and just keeps getting better. I loved the scene of Yahweh and Frigga alone at dinner, and the one with Jesus and his pals out at the bar. They're all so . . . human, but not quite. Which makes the mortals all the more touching in their imperfect humanity. And, damn! It's funny and insightful throughout. It seems pretty obvious that we in the Church have a lot to answer for, and a long way to go to be what Jesus had in mind. I can't be offended because, sadly, it's so true.

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED

This was hysterical. I read all of it.

There were a few typos here and there which I won't bother mentioning because it's past bedtime; you've kept me up too late. One thing, though: In ch 15, you have a description of Marburg virus that reads like a speech. I don't know that this much detail is really necessary for the story to begin with, but I'd suggest at least breaking it up a little, making it feel more like a natural conversation.

Such irreverence. I could get behind gods like these. Jesus being fond of shag carpet and Pringles, married to a horrible, cheating shrew whose lover is trying to destroy them all. The gods hanging out in strip clubs, taking sides against one another, playing office politics. The demoted goddess Ixtab, taking over the writers when the suicides were flagging. And the god of atheism, who has no face. All that, plus a self-aware silver fork.

Verily, you made me laugh. All hail Ixtab. (You can't be too careful, right?)

And Lo, God Took His Coffee Black is an amusing book that takes a seemingly good situation, getting to have coffee with God on a regular basis, and turns it into a curse. In a way, its kind of like saying “May you live in interesting times.”

Author Benjamin Gorman has taken what is likely an impossible situation and turned it into a highly believable tale, whereby average Joe must have coffee with God each week. But far from asking God for things like a new Ferrari, Joe mostly sits there and has to make small talk while God complains about every little thing.

Most of the book is light and humorous, though there are some darker and more intellectual themes running through the various chapters. The biggest plot twist is that Joe’s son is apparently cursed to share Joe’s fate once he is old enough, and Joe does not want this to happen.

Thankfully, the dialog in this book is very strong, riveting even. Despite the fact that Joe does not want to be there, he takes the opportunity to ask God the questions we all would. God never seems to give a straight answer, but sometimes hints at things to come. I kept imagining myself talking with God, what I would say, how I would react. I think most readers will as well.

And Lo, God Took His Coffee Black should appeal to a wide audience once published. It’s a book that has few equals plot-wise. The humor is subtle for the most part, and although Gorman does approach the sacrilegious line where large numbers of people will be offended, causing a backlash against the novel, I don’t think he quite crosses it. It’s touched a few times for sure, but never crossed. As such, I think it would be successful, and is certainly well written.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Still enjoying this!

Nitpicks:

in chapter 5, you imply that Inanna is wearing a pantsuit and a short skirt at the same time.

You describe Enlil's hair as "quaffed," when I'm pretty sure you meant "coiffed." We quaff a delicious beverage, we coif our . . . coiffure. (We also use French words at our own risk).

Oral Roberts changes into "Robertson" midway through his scene. Robertson (Pat) is, alas, still with us.

Yahweh had been on a role. You want "roll."

I'll be back!

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED

Don't quite know wether to laugh or cry after reading the first four chapters because of the diametrically unusual circumstances of the characters. God is seen to be business like in His approach at running heaven but with His earthly adventure, dress's like a shabby old man. Contrast that with a terrorist with a biological weapon, but no belief in the god he's prepared to kill for, but is the victim of an incureable mental illness dual personality, which his comrades have failed to spot. You asked me how my story could relate to your own, and my only answer are the abstract painting's that decorate Joe's house. No Compatibility is all abstraction action with no diametrical dimension except the big bang.

I mention contrast because chapter four is tense and dramatic, while the other chapters are loose and comical. My first feeling from the diametrical perspective was the ease in which the writing must have flowed, but it soon became clear that a lot of thought and effort went into it. Publishers like to give value for money, so writing can't be a sunday afternoon pass time, but must be a serious occupation. Can serious merge with comical I'm confident with your abilities as a writer that you can bring the diametric opposites together.

A full metal jacket of stars.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

Irreverent & witty which is why I'm backing it - only observation - you open with God sitting down to coffee with you. You're pretty much painted into a corner from then on.

Rob

Ben,

Three chapters in, no obvious nitpicks, and I'm hooked. This is funny, quirky and touching. In tone, it reminds me a little of the TV show "Dead Like Me" -- snarky and irreverent, but willing to go deep. Third-person omniscient doesn't always work in contemporary fiction, but it's the perfect, sly choice for this book. I like how all the pantheons are really one big squabbling family -- it's a clever, startling touch. Funny that an atheist would name his kid Dawkins, and then read him C.S. Lewis. The details of how Joe has decorated his house are strange and beautiful -- he has some obsessive creator nature. You hint at a curse but don't give it away too soon.

I know from not-entirely-successful experience how tricky it is to introduce religion and humor into the same story. You're pulling it off! You don't seem to be worried about offending readers, but people who would be too offended probably aren't your target audience, anyway.

I am happy to back this, and hope to get back to read more.

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED

l'm not sure,as a christian, if l should be offended by this or not...but l will give you the benefit of the doubt; all the writting skill are here- narrative dialogue, characters, and plot...l will back...
readSEASONS...

This for Kyle the man, to read in the poetry tent at PCF...

POLK COUNTY FAIR VERSE

Your fame we nail in English flame
We burn to beat deep in your heart
You feel fair words form beating art.

O counties of America!
You form the country of fair hope.
Rise freedom born Angelica!
May Queen of Polk Fair freedom's hope,
In English verse your flame burns true.

Blue-eyed Angelica's fame flies,
In all America's fair eyes,
We see true freedom's sunshine face,
Fly star, fly stripe, flag glory's grace.

So come all true born born Polk, let's reel,
Our verse fair country love to seal.

Orlando fecit

Ch 6
All the three threads ... Joe n God ... the Gods ... Joe n Christy n Luke ... are all spinning nicely ... the gods are screwing up and Christy is screwing up but this makes it seem entirely fitting that the gods of our creation are screwing up!

How typical that when the genes are hopping that which we find irritating in one 'Joe's prickly stubble' becomes an unstated positive supported by 'Joe didn't have that clefte in his chin either. Or that jawline. Or... Or... ' Christy is obviously at that I-need-a-cave-man time of the month. Poor ol' Joe.

'Neigher spoke'. They didn't need to as, we sense, everything has been arranged by body language.

The main themes apart, I am taken with Kyle the man's words. He's nailed it, captures exactly what's going on in hot-for-it Christy. What a talent, to be able to unconsciously describe another's adulterous necessity. The typographical anarchy of his verse perhaps matches the moral anarchy of Christy.

Deep trouble indeed.

We read on.

You have a wonderful style of writing and an intriguing premise. I like that you are able to apply a modern twist to religion. I have star rated this and will return to read the remainder of your upload.

Well done!

Laura Bailey
Beneath The Blossom Tree

A fascinating premise, witty characters, and laugh-out-loud humor make this one worth reading. This is a solid novel that I could see on bookshelves everywhere.

Ch 6.
I like the different threads and place changes. They work.
The description of the campus was a bit too much perhaps and there were a couple of literals in the top graphs. '...the doorway to the classroom in education building...'
The seeds of an affair between the two lecturers and the disparaging remarks about insurance salesmen are pointing to trouble ahead.
Oddly though I am taken with KT. I want to know what his shit is like to see if the teachers have read him right.
And the notion of the Polk County Fair is hilarious. I want to know more about it! But it is KT and his deficiencies that fascinate. And of course he has no idea that he is a minor catalyst in the lecturers' finding something to conspire over.

Ch 5
I've read all this ch now. It fascinates from beginning to end, with thought provoking wit. The idea of the two ghosts entertaining the gods also entertains us and of course the gods themselves are our fare. There are some great dabs also...
-- the fuck me pumps promised a bountiful harvest.
-- the tilt of his head was all whispering rage
-- they started banging their shoulders into one another in a pathetic reenactment of the crusades.
-- God closed his eyes...the window glass floated back into place
-- Mr.Asieri, I think you're going to get this kind of rejection a lot, here. (sounds like some big shot publishing ass hole)
-- Everyone laughed. (including moi)

Title. Every timeIi log on and look at another ch I wonder about the title. Is it too long? Cld it be tighter in some way? Am I overanalysing? It didn't stop me starting to read.

Ch 5.
I made a start but the god of hunger, i.e. dinner, got in the way. I got as far as the marvellously dry 'god of atheism'. More tmr.

Ch 4
This chapter came as a surprise which is good. The view of Americans from an outside perspective was cunning. 'Most Americans seemed to keep their racism private...' feels accurate. But what do I know? Anyway that was a distraction compared with '...he wondered how many of these kids he wld kill...' There is much in what you say about the enemy within. But he is more complex than a mere stereotype. Or is he an arch stereotype, the manipuated lunatic? I actually sympathise with him as I hear voices myself, though they do not instruct me to destruction. He is quite a contrast and lends your story gravitas. Not normal is also a fascinating way to be. I also wondered if you wld be bold enough in your expose of gods to risk the wrath of Islam. Bravo. No gods or religions must be ignored in your sweep.But Ghair is a sort of double agent who works for the bad guys, but actually seems to be after their god! Very cunning. I like it.

Love coffee. Agree with last comment.

Read a couple of chapters and I am amused. It's fast paced and witty. I enjoyed the references to the Gods and I appreciated the research that must have gone into it. You have a very Twain like view on God and his "humanity" that's updated for the time.

The changing forms was detailed and clear to understand the body chosen and why in each instance.

Housekeeping notes....in the first chapter the name Daikokten is smaller. Not sure if you meant to change font or if it's an uploading issue. I've read that there can be some.

Always capitalizing He or His when talking about God I'm not sure if that's grammatically correct because it isn't a proper name but then again it's a style choice that you've made and stayed consistent with so it may be okay.

Corduroy couch----like the idea but I'm not sure if Joe wouldn't question the fact that he gave it to him 1600 years before humans invented it. Might be cute to have Joe think about the muse that enjoyed the couch and inspired the humans to discover the fabric.

You throw alot of non mainstream Gods at us so I have to slightly agree with the previous comment that the more common Gods would make the reading easier.

Star rated will keep on watch list to read more and if I have anything useful to add I will.

Greetings Ben,

Okay, I'll read yours if you'll read mine, "The Doctor of Summitville." I've already started "And Lo, God Took His Coffee Black." So far, my only comments are (1) your theme is catchy and you're fine on craft; (2) God's bad language, so close to the opening, will offend some readers; (3) Jesus' role seems to miss opportunities, since he was quite a cut-up--the Temple and all; (4) the references to other gods--Thor, Jupiter, Ra, Allah, etc.--could be expanded for laughs; (5) and I'd be more specific about the curse on Joe, setting the stage at the start. These are just first impressions, of course. One other thought: Your book might have a better chance if you tailor it to a broad audience. Try to amuse--but not offend--Christians and Jews. Few atheists will be drawn to the title. I'll be back after I've read on. --Best of luck, Bill

Backed and starred on the strength of the satire and glinty bits.

Ron Askew
WATCHING SWIFTS

Ch 3
Broadening your story base is a good plan as chapter after chapter of continual digs at this or that might become monotonous. But this chapter provides a second theme to follow. The noamal couple are easy to identify with, esp in the way their settled married life is perhaps jading them. The man dotes on his son, but neglects his bored wife perhaps and she harbours fantasies of her own. Yet they are still together, a little like the house. Their marriage started out like a show house but is now a little worn. Yet the notion of the repairs actually being the true house is fascinating, suggesting as it does that the real marriage is the one that comes through all the lurking flaws.

Here be another lovely dab: '....... where the sheer volume cld hide an embarrassing spine.'

And what was the emo poetry like I wonder. I'm up for it! I wanna read.

Here's another eyesome turn of phrase '...insidious linguistic relativism...' I imagine professors cld get very het up about that and that it cld furnish a library of Ph.Ds. When I see a phrase like that though my every instinct is to go into sabre toothed satarist mode and write a piss take on the multi-syllabled pomposity bowlocks of all them professors with their neat little dicky bow intellects. O the archness of it all! You even have a dig at precious professors yourself! If they won't love me, then I shall! shoot them.

But there is a serious sub-theme here of a low-grade marital war being waged with the bedtime story providing the battlefield for the warring intellects. It is sad that the child is caught in the middle, but not an uncommon circumstance.

The final two graphs of this chapter are quite a contrast to the front foot satire and show how hopeless we humans are in our affairs. My conclusion is this: how can we possibly be expected to get our gods right when we can't even get our own live right. It is no suprise that god is A.F.U.

I am curious enough to want to read more, both to find out if you can keep your plates spinning nicely and to see if there are any more glinty dabs, which I am sure there will be.

Orlando - I'm-a-poem - Furioso

WATCHING SWIFTS

Ch 2
There is some great wit in this Ch, the visions are Dante-esque, esp the notion of the gold being entirely inappropriate for all sorts of reasons. The notion of their being housing projects in heaven is also brilliant. So, too, the image of Asgard floating in mid-air captures the nature of all religions in that they require us to suspect our critical faculties and believe in fairy constructs.

I think the gold and the housing projects work particularly well as showing how cherished assumptions or promises might actually turn out under closer scrutiny. Springboarding from the example of a terrestrial city's deceptive appearance from a distance to make a similar point about a notional celestial city fascinates.

I was really taken with the notion of humans being at 'their most divine at costume parties...at which they...tried to reveal themselves through elaborate masks and costumes.'

So, too, the notion of 'dangerous reserve' appeals to me. That cld be a poem title A DANGEROUS RESERVE.

The notion of god putting on his face to match his shifting aims, shows how many-faced he can be, how inconstant, fickle.

Ch 1
Mocking god and gods is an arch way to mock all of us as we created the gods in the first place. So your story is a wonderful dig at our collective and atavistic imagination and idiocy, and our neediness, both to create gods in the first place and now to question them, to humanise them in order to make them more managable.

I cld not help thinking that were religion a corporation then god wld be told to reapply for his job, to justify 'why your role is important in the 21st century' when nutrions are far more exciting than choirs of angels.

There are some great dabs in Ch1. I esp like:

-- you rent a cabin, then it rains
-- So, how's the wife?
-- Sometimes I waffle
-- Jesus? He doesn't talk...his whole project went south (delightully arch)
-- We don't have that much in common. You ever feel that way with your son?
-- Even had to eat some of them.
-- Dwarkins (arf, arf -- he needs a brother called Hawkins)
-- You say that every week
-- I worked my way up, and I've been up and down (a bid like authonomy ... and in that I am a little down now, please may I nestle on your good shelf for a few days, sir?)

Now this is as delightful as it is unique. I was a little dubious when I received you message but once I read your pitch you had me, and your story held my attention the whole way without pause. My only complaint is that I don’t have enough time right now to read it all.

Dialogue works very well. I especially love God’s comment, ‘you’re what 35? Gimme a break, talk to me a few thousand years.’ I laughed out loud here. I wonder if you should spell the word thirty five? Seeing the digit upset the otherwise perfect flow for me ( my only tiny nit pick, sorry).

I love how you humanise God. He is such a believable character, you almost have me convinced you’ve had coffee with him yourself on occasion. You write him like you know him and because of that I know him now too.

I got so caught up in the magical feel of this narration that I almost forgot to look for typos, when I did remember I realised that I didn’t care. The story was too good to let anything distract me.

This really is excellent. I hope you attract many readers to this because you have a story here that will appeal to the masses.

Very well done.

Janny

hi benjamin
I like how diffrent this story is, books of god are so boaring that as soon as the name god in mentioned you dont want to read. But this is diffrent and writen in a way that will make you laugh and for that i back your book, it is unique as others put it and writen very well.

wendy

Benjamin, I read the first chapter. Very unique story, I enjoyed it, your writing is spot on. I'll put your book on my watch list so I can return and read more. Thank you for bring it to my attention.

If you have young children, you understand the need for good chapter books. I feel my book tells an entertaining, magical story all the while helping to instill good character building attitudes.

Susan
The Adventures of Sohi: Mystery of Moon Island

Hi Joe,
You have described the epiphany of the Old Testament in a comic way. Honestly speaking, epiphany was an established conviction during the days of the scripture. Today, it may look as mockery of God concept. You have evolved a wonderful style to unveil the truth about gods. Over all your writing is humerus and depicts a crystal clear picture. My best wishes are with you. My book Man Made Gods is almost non-fiction counterpart of yours. Try to read that.
ajay kansal

Hi Joe,
I read as requested. Your writing is great, funny and sharp. I have to say that personally, whimsy just doesn't do it for me. So while it's not my kind of read, I hope I can be objective and say that you have something here. You've got a great voice and a novel topic. I hope you'll find lots of readers, which you deserve.
And now, I hope you'll return the favor and take a look at mine.
all best,
andi

OK I'm in.

I smell the unmistakeable aroma of freshly ground satire.

I am not religious in any way and never have been so I will not be offended by God's humanisation. Putting our relationship with God under scrutitiny in the way you do interests me because of what it tells us about ourselves, at least to this reader.

Ron

I have read chapters 1, 14 and 22. What a strange and interesting book. It begins comically - the concept of God chatting through his problems in a Diner with an ordinary mortal is excellent, and extremely well written. It won't please many Christians, but I suspect this isn't something that concerns. I also really like the idea of all gods existing in fractious harmony, and interacting with each other as a disfunctional family might. Chapter 22 is a different beast altogether. Whilst there is surface humour, there is also a great deal of horror, and some nice intellectual points made about worship and the history of early Christianity. I don't mean this to sound dry, because it isn't at all - the book is well worth reading, and also a spin on my shelf. Ben

Hey Benjamin, REALLY looking forward to reading your work.
Many blessings!

Jim

Hehe this is a very strange book so far! There's a certain irreverence about it that's keeping me reading though, nice :)

A funny and philosophical look at God (or Gods) that makes you wonder if we are all being "played". A quick read that will leave you with many things to think about.

This book is clever and fun to read. I especially enjoyed reading the various interactions between the the gods from all different religions and mythologies.

Imagination and irreverence, well written besides. Most enjoyable. Backed.