Out of Time

LF,
This is an unusually sophisticated take on sci fi for children. I think you're asking a lot from your readers (and that's no bad thing) and in return you supply a strange (and funny) new world.
I like Frank a lot as he seems to slip between being a kid and an adult in his responses to the world. I also think you've a nice line in humour that is easily, rather than heavy handedly, deployed (I don't know why but I loved the bit where the dad smashed the plates after the meal. Very weird.
I'm not going to comment on style or typos. Your style worked well enough for me but I can see how the times when you jump around might disorientate a reader - have you tried it with kids?
Good luck with the project. My shelf is full but I'll be happy to back in the near future.

Gefordson
Nothing you can do.

hello jL. f Moore. --'Out of time'

This i one very good children's science fiction read.
i have to say here, i do not look proofing faults or missing dots and dashes. that said, i look at the potential of the story content and if it holds my attention; That it did from the pitch, well set out.

read a few chapters to get the flavour of the story, chapter 1-FrAnk chapter, 3 Heaven 4 flying saucers 9 Terror..
caught up in the story line and the writing from the off' ; enjoyed reading Franks experience in the classroom.
as seeing from the child's perspective, its just perfect; love the dialogue and child's thoughts.

Chapter the dialogue holds up well 'There is no colony'
'There is. iv'e seeing it' so child like.

and on to the celler - the opening line with the cat is captavating. -There is great potential for this book in the placed genre and i am sure it will rise up the rankings and do well.; an out and out children'
adventure thriller. 6 stars

good luck ' tom bye ' from hugs to kisses.
please oblige and star/ comment mine if time, about a boy growing up in Dublin in the 40s

hello jL. f Moore. --'Out of time'

This i one very good children's science fiction read.
i have to say here, i do not look proofing faults or missing dots and dashes. that said, i look at the potential of the story content and if it holds my attention; That it did from the pitch, well set out.

read a few chapters to get the flavour of the story, chapter 1-FrAnk chapter, 3 Heaven 4 flying saucers 9 Terror..
caught up in the story line and the writing from the off' ; enjoyed reading Franks experience in the classroom.
as seeing from the child's perspective, its just perfect; love the dialogue and child's thoughts.

Chapter the dialogue holds up well 'There is no colony'
'There is. iv'e seeing it' so child like.

and on to the celler - the opening line with the cat is captavating. -There is great potential for this book in the placed genre and i am sure it will rise up the rankings and do well.; an out and out children'
adventure thriller. 6 stars

good luck ' tom bye ' from hugs to kisses.
please oblige and star/ comment mine if time, about a boy growing up in Dublin in the 40s

I really enjoyed what I read. Your writing is interesting and although at times I felt a little fragmented, a worthwhile read. I do wonder if chapter 4 and 5 should have been together, felt 4 was too short. But - who the hell do I think I am? I've put a piece up here unedited and know how hard it is to stand naked on authonomy. Your description is really good. Good luck with the agents - any tips????? Please, if you have time look at mine

Deborah

Out of Time notes

http://www.authonomy.com/books/33181/out-of-time/read-book/?chapterid=315870#chapter

The opening lets us know that something strange is going on, but we don't realise just how strange, and the mystery develops nicely. I was pulled in from the first page and would happily have read the whole thing. The reveals are well handled and intriguing, as Bobs and then Frank are found to be very odd indeed, and Eris has her surprises too. The cellar holds secrets, and Frank's dreams hold clues that will, no doubt, bring everything hidden into the light. The premise is quite delightful and reminds me of the territory which Phillip Reeve has explored in Larklight, with a dash of Tim Powers, but it has its own distinct charm.

The pace is perfect for me, things follow on in a way that makes it evident that care has been taken over the structure, and the plot seems to be sailing off to good purpose into very odd waters.

The milieus are vivid, without being laboured, the descriptive passages do not intrude on the storytelling.

The characters feel well-rounded, we get to know them through their actions, and none of them seem like cardboard cutouts.

The dialogue is some of the most natural that I have come across on Authonomy, you have a good ear and use it sensitively. The dialogue is well employed in developing our sense of character and moving the story on.

The writing is gentle and has a warmth and humour that I think will appeal to the target audience, as well as adults; the moments of fear and conflict are more poignant and moving because of the gentle tone. I think there could be slightly more edge and grue and menace, though I could be wrong.

This does need a good going over with a red pencil to nobble the typos and the occasional infelicity, but I forgave them as I was reading because I was enjoying the story. Normally I find myself distracted by them, so invention and art won out over pedantry here.

Chapter 8.

A thin film of oil on water is iridescent, an oil slick (which I tend to think of as the thick gloopy result of an accident) is much less so.

This is a very unusual story – almost like a dream (ha, ha). Very mysterious and intriguing and full of interesting and curious imagery. I liked the father best as he has real menace. I think children would like this very much.
The only thing that worried me a little, though, was that it didn’t really take off for me until around the end of Ch.4. I’ve been trying to work out why that was; why it didn’t grab me from the start. It’s a unique story, but this doesn’t really become apparent until later. Perhaps this uniqueness and originality could be brought forward a little? Currently, the start feels a little too much like other children’s stories: unusual kid at school, not popular, trouble with teacher and school bully, etc. But this story has much more than that. Maybe, at the very start, when Frank is woken from his sleep, he should be woken from one of his strange clockwork nightmares, a little unnerved and scared, still partly in it with the flying machines and professors and mechanical ladies. Just a thought.
Minor points. Maybe on the first mention of Toad in Ch.1 (Auth Ch.2), call him by his real name and say something like, “nicknamed Toad”.
In Ch.3, Frank wakes up in a laboratory, but a few paras later it is a warehouse (in Ch.7 it is a warehouse, too).
Ch.4 the sentence “... threw it into the wall ... against the opposite wall” could be put better. Ch.5 “... meat.’ His father said” should be “... meat,’ his father said”. Ch.6 “wo” should be “two”. Ch.7 “Frank startled”? Ch.7 I didn’t understand the sentence “His mouth filled with liquid into his lungs”. Ch.8 “not more robot” should be “no more robot”. Ch.9 “His father” should be “Her father”; “took of” should be “took off”.
Apart from these minor points, I wish you success with it. I will back it as soon as I have space on my shelf.

Even with a few editing faux paus, you rock! You will be published before you know it. ~Heather "Rotten Rotty"

what a nice surprise for the holidays ! Good fun for a great many ages. Shall read on, it flows easily with light, smooth humour. BUbbling with invention and ideas. Will shelve as soon as i have space free. Best of luck!

'2 raisins in a bowl of rice pudding.' love this. I never back people just because they back me, just so you know this is all because I read you and am backing you just for the work's sake.

I think this has all the elements you need for you readership, and even I, as an adult, found it easy to slip into and feel involved. I love the descriptions, like the one quoted above, and the setting (I work in a learning support unit) is perfectly observed. I like Frank, can't stand Mr. Fairs, and you manage to create an atmosphere with your writing. I'm going to read on, and will add to this afterwards.

Btw - Is there a reason you've left the . off Mr. Fairs? Couldn't help noticing. And you left an 'i' out of 'jabbing' on the last line first chapter.