The Shout of the Phoenix

SHOUT OF THE PHOENIX
This is a story written with a wonderful flowing writing style that includes a mixture of poetry and philosophy. I’m glad you reviewed what is a Phoenix at the beginning; I know people use that reference all the time but wasn’t rally familiar with the inside scoop on “rising like a Phoenix” meant (guess I should read less “chick lit”. Angel makes a good main character; the description of how he feels as he’s dying is very well written. I don’t quite understand why parts of each chapter are written in third person, but okay. It gave an overall perspective on things rather than just a story told from one side. A small thing: several times you use “weather” when the word should be “whether”. Either way, this is good read. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Dear Joel,
There's a poetic quality to your work. Are you a philosopher, or, are you merely an exceptional writer with the ability to hook and keep your reader?
Often i find it hard to stay with a story. I tell myself that maybe it'll all make sense in chapter two, but some of the time that's where i put it down. With the Shout of the Phoenix, in spite of some typos along the way, i couldn't leave it. The candid way you tell the story grabbed me, you made it come alive, with awesome descriptions of the characters' surroundings.
Very well done, very enjoyable.
Six stars and i wish i could give you more. I want to see you on my shelf for a while.Thanks for sharing.
Maria xxx
The Path to Survival

Love the introductory description of what a phoenix is. Love phoenix literature in general. This is a real epic and poetic novel from what I've read and to be taken seriously.

First I want to thank you, Joel, for backing "The Doctor of Summitville," especially now that it's in review after nearly three years on the site. There's still the danger of slipping off the editors' desk as other books rise, and you're helping me hold steady. Second, I want to say how much I've enjoyed and admired "The Shout of the Phoenix," which expresses Angel's life experiences so frankly and vividly. Some editing is needed, but the intensity of those experiences comes through with a powerful impact. I'll gladly back your book after keeping earlier promises. --Thanks again and best of luck, Bill

Joel, this is lyrical, visionary writing that challenges and inspires. The search for meaning and purpose in life is universal subject matter with great potential. I did notice a typo in the prologue. it should be "do unto others" not "do on to others". But well done and high stars.
David

Rough, very rough, as in lots and lots of errors. As far as the story, a privileged man questions his excessive lifestyle as it's taken away, which one might relate to if they also had a trust fund, which I don't. I made it to Chapter 11. My advice: continue to write, hone your skill, and revisit this later.

SHOUT OF THE PHOENIX
This is a story written with a wonderful flowing writing style that includes a mixture of poetry and philosophy. I’m glad you reviewed what is a Phoenix at the beginning; I know people use that reference all the time but wasn’t rally familiar with the inside scoop on “rising like a Phoenix” meant (guess I should read less “chick lit”. Angel makes a good main character; the description of how he feels as he’s dying is very well written. I don’t quite understand why parts of each chapter are written in third person, but okay. It gave an overall perspective on things rather than just a story told from one side. A small thing: several times you use “weather” when the word should be “whether”. Either way, this is good read. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Hello Joel, you have a very interesting, hard core book here, not my usual genre, however, I understand that some may truly relate to it. As I was reading I wondered what it was that compelled you to write a fiction such as this. I usually like to get into the mind of writers to discover the inspiration that compels them to write. Oddly, as a fiction, for some reason, I had to keep checking it to verify whether it really was a fiction novel. It resounded to me as being a Non Fiction - strange hey?

I want to congratulation you for putting this story together. You truly do emphasise
the struggle had by a gay man wanting to do right, wanting to live right, yet is torn between his desire of lust and his need for love. I usually don't focus on spelling errors, because they can be easily fixed, however, there were quite a few that I felt I should bring them up to you.

Breathe - should be breath - Chapter 1-3
Loose - should be lose - Chapter 1-3
Vane - should be vain - Chapter 2 or 3?
Safe - should be save - Chapter 4
Looser - should be loser - Chapter 4

All the best, Joel. Salwa. :)

Shout of the Phoenix. Sorry it's taken so long to get to your book. Your pitches promise an epic story.
I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert. I tend to notice nits. Hope you dont mind -

Ch.1. An exploratory Prologue which sets the theme and provides a taste of your easy flowing style of writing.
Do you want nits?
Be careful to search out words repeated too close together and too often: that, people (Ch.2) knows, was, never.

And I think you mean 'whether a person believes or not...' and (Ch.2) your 'breath gone...'

There are some unnecessary words which can safely be deleted to improve the flow and emphasise the message: only, actually, (Ch.3) right.

Ch.2. So you had a near death experience ... they are so dramatic and life-changing - I can imagine! 'freedom and tranquility in every fibre of my being.' Great words, telling it all. And then the pull of a loved one's prayers.

Ch.3. Yes - it was God who brought you back - you still have work to do in this world, and I admire your stamina in completing your epic book. That's an interesting hook, too - the Diogenis relationship.
I like the way you end each chapter with a poem from the mysterious book, and you have given the structure of your story considerable thought.

There is much editing to be done, but your story is worth it, and we all have to edit and re-edit, and re-edit....
Multi-starred.
Jane (Breath of Africa)

Maria, thank you so much for taking the time to read TSOTP your review was splendid, i often do the same and really wanted to grab readers from the very start, thank you for letting me know i effectively did that with you. Means a lot and undoubtedly i will be looking at Path To Survival !

Best,
Joel

Dear Joel,
There's a poetic quality to your work. Are you a philosopher, or, are you merely an exceptional writer with the ability to hook and keep your reader?
Often i find it hard to stay with a story. I tell myself that maybe it'll all make sense in chapter two, but some of the time that's where i put it down. With the Shout of the Phoenix, in spite of some typos along the way, i couldn't leave it. The candid way you tell the story grabbed me, you made it come alive, with awesome descriptions of the characters' surroundings.
Very well done, very enjoyable.
Six stars and i wish i could give you more. I want to see you on my shelf for a while.Thanks for sharing.
Maria xxx
The Path to Survival

Bill thanks a million !
Joel

First I want to thank you, Joel, for backing "The Doctor of Summitville," especially now that it's in review after nearly three years on the site. There's still the danger of slipping off the editors' desk as other books rise, and you're helping me hold steady. Second, I want to say how much I've enjoyed and admired "The Shout of the Phoenix," which expresses Angel's life experiences so frankly and vividly. Some editing is needed, but the intensity of those experiences comes through with a powerful impact. I'll gladly back your book after keeping earlier promises. --Thanks again and best of luck, Bill

David a million thanks for reading and for the
Comment !
JT

Joel, this is lyrical, visionary writing that challenges and inspires. The search for meaning and purpose in life is universal subject matter with great potential. I did notice a typo in the prologue. it should be "do unto others" not "do on to others". But well done and high stars.
David

The prologue is the highlight for me. I admire your attention to detail. You described the Phoenix well. That made me turn the pages but I wasn't gripped as I was reading the mentioned. I am sure its a great story and with time I would read all

Love the introductory description of what a phoenix is. Love phoenix literature in general. This is a real epic and poetic novel from what I've read and to be taken seriously.

rikasworld : Thanks a million !

Love the introductory description of what a phoenix is. Love phoenix literature in general. This is a real epic and poetic novel from what I've read and to be taken seriously.

Beautiful, poetic...I love when writers give us their view on happens to a person when they die and what changes in their lives, and you paint it well. You created an intellectual adventure that relates to some of the darker aspects of life as well as finding a purpose...I love it.

Muntsi.. Thanks a million for your kind review, really glad
You enjoyed what you read thus far ;)
JT

Beautiful, poetic...I love when writers give us their view on happens to a person when they die and what changes in their lives, and you paint it well. You created an intellectual adventure that relates to some of the darker aspects of life as well as finding a purpose...I love it.

I did have chance to read your book and this is my feedback.
Love the tittles... could be seen as costantine with KEANUE REEVES...
Couples articles or dialogues missing but it is not huge and can be corrected.
reincarnation / spiritual touch / feeling ..love it...
an overall..well done work..you have written all the concept that nedeed. well done and wishing you all the best... x

Hi Joel-Great book! Read up to C3. Loved the prologue-one tiny error, at least I think it was an error-weather should be whether. Found your blurb on Egyptian mythology fascinating and love books that start with real legends or history. The phoenix is also a highly respected bird in Freemasonry as you probably know. Liked the dream-in the second chapter-very original. It kept me wondering how it will tie into the story later on. I think you are onto something here. Highly starred and highly recommended. Dina Rae

Hi Joel-Great book! Read up to C3. Loved the prologue-one tiny error, at least I think it was an error-weather should be whether. Found your blurb on Egyptian mythology fascinating and love books that start with real legends or history. The phoenix is also a highly respected bird in Freemasonry as you probably know. Liked the dream-in the second chapter-very original. It kept me wondering how it will tie into the story later on. I think you are onto something here. Highly starred and highly recommended. Dina Rae

A G Chaudhuri,

Thank you for taking the time to check the Phoenix out...Interesting how the "Like I did part" seems to resonate for many people as the appropriate closure for the prologue... will have to consider tweaking that. Really glad you enjoyed "Your Eyes" I know poetry is not for everyone. Again, thank you so much for your time and i do hope you read further, your positive review means a lot ! I'd say good luck to you but you are already at #1!! :) CONGRATULATIONS ON THAT!

Best, Jt

Dear Joel,

Here’s my review of ‘The Shout of the Phoenix’.
Great title and great cover followed by a very well written long pitch. The short pitch can be improved by keeping it short and direct, instead of mentioning all the things that can easily find their place in the longer version.

The prologue was good. The phoenix has always fascinated me as a symbol of regeneration. You’ve nicely linked the mythology with your story and ended it brilliantly with the stylish ‘Like I did’. The rest of the text that follows these three words felt rather redundant and may be accommodated in the next chapter for better effect.

Beginning of chapter 1, the italicised portion was in 3rd person, which was again quickly restored to 1st person in the very next paragraph. That got me a little confused with regards to the exact settings and sequence of events.

It took me a while to realise that the narrator was actually describing an NDE. Some of it may need to be worded more strongly, e.g. # spirit and soul have been used in the same context, # monitor loosing its pulse doesn’t sound too good, and # in spite of pitch black, silence and stillness, being able to see strangers trying to resuscitate the body felt contradictory. The ‘teardrop’ was an excellent touch – very dramatic and apt. And then, there was the absolutely soulful ‘Your Eyes’.

The writing is quite lucid and apart from a few typos, missing articles, etc. that can be easily corrected; there are no major errors. Your spiritual and metaphysical leanings are quite evident in your writing style that has a sublime and dreamlike quality. I look forward to reading the rest of this story. Best of luck with it.

My rating: 5 stars

Best regards,
AGC

Red2U,
Definitely come back ... Thank you for the complement, will have to check Illusions of Comfort soon! :)
Best,
Jt

Ashley,
As far as feedback goes I def welcome all feedback negative and Offcoarse positive..
The idea is to see others point of view and take all criticism as constructive ;)
Really glad you enjoyed the opening ;) and absolutely the whole book is uploaded .. Hope you can browse
So that you might fall a little in love with the rest of the story .. The beginning is certainly good but the ending
Is even more powerful and captivating .. Or at least I would like to pressure.
A million thank for your kind words !!!
Jt

THE SHOUT OF THE PHOENIX

I love the story of the phoenix in the beginning. So your book caught my eye. I love your opening. In general it works well, but I think a great hook would be to end on the note where you say, “Like I did...” This really compelled me to read on and for some reason the rest of your prologue lost momentum for me. BUT that’s all relative because it’s still good, I just think it’s REALLY strong ending on the “like I did” part. I didn’t ask you to swap reads and I don’t know what type of feedback you are looking for/if any so I’ll just watch list you for now. But I'll definitely be back for more. It's been awhile since a book on Autho has caught my eye quite like this one. 6 stars from me. Oh and out of curiosity have you uploaded the whole book?


Ashley

A true believer in re-incarnation I read the first 3 chapters. I love the part about the Phoenix. I think this book has great potential and have rated it well. I hope to get back to read more.
Cheers, Red
Illusions of Comfort

Eden thanks ...Poetry plays a big role in the story so very grateful you enjoyed it! And most importantly thank you for letting me know the introduction is effective :) That is what i was aiming for Thank you!

I stumbled across your book...don't remember how. But the opening. Oh boy it sucked me right in! The imagery of the phoenix was beautifully written. Well done! I loved that scene. It almost read like poetry.

Ash-THE SIREN'S HEART

Thanks you so very much Fran :) Powerful words... will do my very best to deliver exactly that and have my work live up to that ! Soon on list is TRAPPED!!

Dear Joel

This is writing on an epic scale, with heartfelt emotion and great candour. As others have suggested, there is room for an edit, nevertheless you have the makings of a wonderful tale.

All the best

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

Hey Kaal ...So pleased to hear you are liking it so far...especially when in the beginning the character is a bit...well as a previous reviewer described "not identifiable" so given your parallels to Angel I'm very pleased ..Further reading should prove more gratifying as the character does develop into a new person.. lets hope you can relate to him as well ha .. Yes i wrote all the poems, carefully making sure they matched the chapters and linked to the story ..Definitely working on polishing this and I'm glad you too like Paul Coelho..Veronica Decides to Die was powerful! Thank you very much for reading and a millions thanks for the comments !! I will very soon be reading yours.
Best,
Joel

Kia ora Joel,

Reading this was like reading my own life story - there are so many similarities... Therefore, I'm a little disturbed to read that another reader described the MC as unlikeable! I loved the poems - are they yours? I can see an influence of William Blake there...I also write poetry and got into Blake in a big way when I lived in Nepal.

Yes, there is a bit of polishing needed -but I don't know - I like the rawness of the writing -it seems more real, more personal this way. One typo you might want to see to: 'weather' should be 'whether' ;) I've read four chapters so far and enjoying it immensely - I too had a bit of a health scare very recently, so this seems like the universe conspiring (as Paulo Cuelho wrote) in a very nice way.

For what its worth -6 stars
And you'll be on my shelf very soon

Best wishes
Kaal Kaczmarek

Thank you Elle :) Well my main issue is with editing i really need an editor to look it over but i suppose the question is ..is the structure effective..? given it takes place in various countries and goes back and forward in time i still have that to work that out ..or not lol Hope you liked it Elle and Thank you so very much!!

I read the first 6 chapters and all the comments. I don't have a problem with first person– some of the greatest books are in 1st person, although romance editors often whine. I also didn't think the chapters were too short, especially compared with, say, James Patterson (or Diary of a Bad Housewife).

Overall, I am pleased to back it.

Cali Girl thanks a million! I noticed that and corrected it ...thanks..hope you enjoy the read!

I'm glad to back this. You may have a small typo in your opening pitch: hault instead of halt.

Stark, thanks a million for taking time to read a bit...i appreciate it greatly!. As for Angel, yes he is supposed to be somewhat ..if not, severely, unlikable...its the only way to leave room for improvement and redemption..trust me.. life teaches him a thing or two and he's got no choice but to grow up and get in touch with his inner self...however that takes time and i want to set the reader up to dislike someone that they ultimately ...will end up loving. As for Angel being a fictional character...absolutely all they way :) and as for the grammar...trust me I'm dying for an editor to brush and polish the working on my book...in the process of that now, for the moment i want to focus on the layers the story provides and work out editing technicalities in the future. Once again, thank you for backing the book ...and please do proceed with the reading, you may end up liking him ...just a little bit.

It’s interesting to find a book written in the first person these days, especially one where the main character has few redeeming qualities. For that, I have to salute author Joel M Taveras E for creating a memorable character and presenting him in a unique way. At least I hope he is made up, and not actually the author in this case.

There is a great dichotomy in the book between his time in NYC in the beginning where he is all-powerful and quite a jerk, and what happens to him after his accident while he travels. And I think that is the point here, being shown how adversity can make even the most corrupt soul bloom and grow, if it does not destroy them.

While I enjoyed the book, I worry that the average reader may not identify with the character enough to stick around for the duration. I knew that he was transforming into a better person, but still didn’t really like him. Because of the first person narrative, some of his episodes come off a bit like bragging, like how he got the woman fired who fired him, because he was just working “for fun” and didn’t really care. I think there are too many moments like that within the story that dares a reader to close the book and move on. Perhaps it might be better if we saw more of the better person he became right up front, or if he expressed remorse over the things he did previously. It’s first person so we have access to his inner-most thoughts. He could think “How could I have been so cruel” or something like that, or go on to say that he made sure to make things right later on – mysterious donation to the woman’s family in that specific example, or something like that. He sort of seems like an “Arthur” type character from those movies, but without any of the humor his selfishness (especially in first person) comes off as mean and a bit soulless.

There are also lots of mistakes in the text, things like “loose the woman he loves” instead of lose. These are mostly minor and can be cleaned up with a good edit, though this needs to happen for the book to be taken seriously.

In total, this is a really good story that could be a really great one if the main character was made a bit more human and some of the minor grammar errors were fixed up. I’m backing it based on its potential, which is quite evident.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Thanks a lot Vmorr...Yes this book needs major editing ... Thats the problems with writing a book...you can come up with an idea ...write about it..and pitch it...but man rereading to look for mistakes is a hassle THANK GOD FOR EDITORS.. hoping i get lucky and find one soon, and i really appreciate you taking the time to browse through :)

What I managed to read is good. The concept is definitely there, and there are some great bits, but this book would be a lot better with some editorial work. The very short chapters put me off a bit (i'm assuming that's just the way you've uploaded it?) as did the contents page in the front, but I will come back and check this out when you do edit it!

Thank you Wavefront.. yes this needs serious editing! lol but i am grateful for your interest in it.

Just my kind of read :)
I can see you have a few upload issues with your pitches - might just need to tweak them a bit.