Time with Ema and the Fall of Rowan

Here are my opinions - please feel free to ignore if you feel so inclined. . . This is confessional writing - a confession of a character at the lowest point in his life - about to end it all through excessive drug and alcohol abuse. Poor Rowan. I like the mix of different conversational styles - but I would try and keep them unparaphrased - for example your MSN chat section. I think it would only enrich the text if you kept to the 'rules' of internet engagement, as that will give the reader a wider reading experience as you keep your work in the first person throughout, and it can be quite tiring being in the head of the same person all the time - the more you can reveal about Rowan through dialogue and conversation the better. Makes the Reader know more than the MC.

Good luck with your work. I'm shelving for a bit before I review other books.

Q

PS Have you thought of uploading your book in shorter chapters? I notice you have chapter headings in chapter one and I thought they could work equally well as stand alone chapters here on authonomy.

PPS Have you thought of including more variant styles of writing? Have you thought of including a doctor's report on Rowan? Perhaps even have him overhear a conversation about him. Just find opportunities to embelish this destructive love story right to the bitter and expected end.

first off, your title: "fall of rowan" sounds like something from the fantasy genre. i'm not sure your pitch is working. pitches are hard, but this is a little convoluted. i'm not a fan of rhetorical questions in pitches. i think it is the writer;'s job to make a statement that leads the reader to ask their own questions. i didn't get much of a sense of what the story was going to be about.

i liked your opening and think the close pov works well. i feel immediately connected to the narrator. i like the vague way the iv is introduced, not fully explained until the 2nd paragraph. and the continued metaphor as it follows along as a guard worked too.

i noticed some word repetition: looks and looking in the same sentence. then necessary and necessity in consecutive lines.

edit on punctuating speech: "You're back," she said. or "You're back." She picked up a pen.

this line is redundant: i had to be here but i truly didn't want to be.'- you've already made this clear in describing his reluctance to return, but that he does anyway. that description is stronger than spelling it out here.

i'd upload your chapters separately. this was too long of a chunk to read in one sitting. when you tell the reader you're about to describe boredom, you lose me.

i hope this helps. if not, feel free to ignore me. good luck.

Hi Rowan.
book---The time with Ema and the fall of Rowan---

Grim, raw, rough and ready, with dollops of explicit sexual behaviour, drink and drug usage.
Life is all on the other side for Ema and Rowan.
Powerful and gripping writing here, as it covers all the aspects of people living on the edge, and open to try anything that goes. As the both explore erotica through a haze.
Written in a very realistic and revelling manner,yes, this book is different and in its genre, it's very good.

It should do well, as there is a big market out there for books like this.

tom bye'
from hugs to kisses;
Mine, of a totally different genre, both together are like chalk and cheese,
however obliged if you could glance at, chapter 39 might be on interest to you, as it's dark and forbidden stuff
as stephen gets caught up in the toilet visited by abusers.

Very cool writing and compelling reading.

This is pretty powerful stuff, with a poetic darkness. Engaging from the get-go. I had some concerns about some word choices that seemed "off" to me although I suspect you're trying to get our attention. Still, "morally bankrupt car park" and "resplendently dated corridors," however writerly and cynical, didn't do it for me. Still, that may be be a matter of taste. Really liked the part about the liver.

I gave you lots of stars, and wish you luck.
Best,
Andi
Animal Cracker

This is pretty powerful stuff, with a poetic darkness. Engaging from the get-go. I had some concerns about some word choices that seemed "off" to me although I suspect you're trying to get our attention. Still, "morally bankrupt car park" and "resplendently dated corridors," however writerly and cynical, didn't do it for me. Still, that may be be a matter of taste. Really liked the part about the liver.

I gave you lots of stars, and wish you luck.
Best,
Andi
Animal Cracker

I just finished your first chapter, and it's my kind of book. Gritty, realistic, and honest. There are a few typos and Emma/Ema is spelt differently (I'm an Emma!) in various parts, but the story holds its own. Someone said my book has a cinematic feel, and I think this does, too. I could imagine it as a screenplay.

I read the first section. Your writing is good, and you give your character a very strong voice and personality. I really enjoyed yours style, and felt that your opening scene was interesting enough to hook the reader and make them want to continue.

However, because you sort of start in medias res, it was a little bit confusing. You may want to tighten up your narrative, and I really couldn’t get a clear physical picture of the setting, the characters, or even what was going on. You don’t really give us any ground to stand on, and so it was a bit frustrating because I couldn’t tell what was happening.

That being said, you have some very powerful passages. My real favorite was the one where your narrator is standing between the automatic doors, and says how he is doing it so that people will have to acknowledge him and have to move around him. That sends a really powerful picture about who the narrator is as a person. You have a real way with words, I am backing this :)

-Syd Vandowelle (“The Marvelous Shattering”)

Two words: Guilty pleasure. I read much more of this than I had intended. The narrator has a strong, authentic voice, and the story is compelling. This is nothing like anything I typically read, yet I found myself reading more. That's the first sign of a great novel.

There were a few minor typos along the way that I'm sure you'll catch on your next edit. Other than that, this is really good.

you have a good voice, here and it works well in the first person. this is original and in an original style...on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

wow really really good, powerfull and just important seeming. ill definatly want to see where this goes. maybe you can check my book out if you have the time. thanks

This is brilliant. You have obviously and painstakedly polished this work. Talented writing so Im backing it.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Wow, it has very powerful opening!

The only thing is make sure to check on grammar/spelling errors in little places where admittedly they can be missed.