Rude Awakening

This is certainly gritty and harsh with no bones about challenging the readers sense of morality. I was a little queazy by Patel's (don't want to give the story away here) position in the end (pun intended). Definitely an eye opener (again pun intended). I might tone down some of the story a little but that might be a personal thing, although I am no stranger to the use of strong language myself as you will see. rude awakening, definitely worth a read.
trev

When I read the LP to Rude Awakening I wasn't quite sure what to expect. I suspect this is a Marmite novel - you either like it or you don't! The opening chapter plunges straight into the action with Swink jumping out of the window. Guaranteed to make you want to read on. This reminded me of a warped version of The Office. It's not for the faint hearted or the easily offended. I like your quirky writing style which suits this perfectly. How on earth does Swink get from such a blissful place with the Sadu to leaping out of a window? Guess I will have to read on to find out. Well done.

Read your chapters one and two, one of the funniest things I've seen on this site! Also I've never seen so many uses of alliteration in my LIFE! lying for a living, peddling their souls for pennies, horrible harpy’s, perturbed peers, vindictive volley, poisonous pleasantries, slutty secretary’s, pardoned protraction, contemplated her colleagues contemptuously, pretentious platitudes, hideous hussy, pink-nailed pinky - you have an incredible talent for this! If anything though I think you might be spoiling the effect slightly by having so many... But I'm sure not everyone will agree with me.

There are some grammatical errors here, but considering the overall brilliance of this work I don't think that matters. Any agent or publisher would be foolish not to recognize your genius. (Even though this sort of sordid story doesn't really appeal to me, I still enjoyed it. See, I can alliterate too!) Six stars rated, without a question, and I wish you best of luck with this! Come on, get the damn thing published already!

Hope you enjoy reading "Tamria"!

James


***

Just a few notes and minor suggestions:


Brilliant, hilarious beginning. “A disheveled shirt and polyester tie combo stood between the world and his disillusioned heart.”
Maybe these words – “How do they do it…?” – should be italicised and not in speech brackets, since they appear to be Lucas’s thoughts.
“a satisfying clicking sound” – maybe just “a satisfying click” (“click” in italics) would be better. Sometimes onomatopoeia is more effective.
“stir amongst the flock” – how about “stir in the flock”? “The horrible harpy’s daily lateness never failed to cause a stir in the flock.”
“reveled in the attention” – I like it, but I can never posing a (possibly) even better word: “wallowed.” “She wallowed in the attention.” Yours is great, though.
“grimaced in attempt” – don’t you mean “grimaced in an attempt”
Napoleon-complex - LOL!
“far from formidable” – feel this should be hyphenated, as it’s being used as an adjective (and “semi-flaccid” is hyphenated as well.” (“far-from-formidable, often semi-flaccid phallus”)
“exerted in her dumbfounded co-workers” – you mean “exerted on”
“Do us all a favour – jump, loser, but make sure you sort my pay-slip first, ha ha ha! Pamela thought” – I’d lose the “Pamela thought.” Since this thought is in italics we know it’s her thought anyway.
“faux leather belts” – should this be “faux-leather”?
“ascension to head office, aka the pantheon of the gods…” – ooh, I like this!
“The fact she had absolutely none…” – maybe insert a “that” after “fact.” “The fact that she had absolutely none of the qualifications…”

“take over the Stanley-Jones Insurance empire one slimy penis at a time was running like cock-work. Sorry, clock-work” – L.O.L.! Never fell over laughing. Very clever!

KAPOW! read up to chapter eight in one go - this is not for the faint hearted, but what a great book!! just excellent writing. The dialogue jumps out of the page and bites you in the arse. I have to admit that this is not a genre I would normally dip into, however I am really taken with this tale and i will eat my hat if it doesn't make the Ed's desk.
On my watch list with a fist full of stars and will find a place on my shelf as soon as possible

regards

Cyrus

Rude Awakening

I was surprised by how much I enjoyed this. I typically don't read comedy, and the outrageous situations in this work aren't usually my type of humor. However, I found it easy to ignore the unrealistic aspects of the book and became fully immersed in the story. I intended to read only a few chapters and leave a general comment, but ended up reading the whole thing and deciding to put it on my shelf. My shelf is routinely dominated by ilt fic and has never held a comedy - so I would take that as quite a compliment :)

Just a few paragraphs into chapter one and yep, I'm hooked.

One problem I did have was the routine use of alliteration. At first I thought it was an oversight, but then realized it was part of your style. I am unconvinced that this adds to the humor of the novel, but may be wrong as this is not my genre. One positive it has is to showcase the incredible wit held by the author. I was impressed by the word choices more than once.

Chapter three is the first of a handful of times in which you "break the fourth wall" and address the reader specifically. I'm not sure this adds to the comedy either (refer again to the "this isn't my genre" bit). It threw me out of the story and I didn't find myself laughing enough to find these interruptions worth taking me out of the story. In this first instance it's regarding not mentioning name-brand panties for fear of getting sued. I found myself confused by that because you mention other name-brands throughout the story (this may be a cultural joke that I am too naive to catch or just doesn't translate on this side of the pond? Or I could be a complete idiot - it wouldn't be the first time).

The line where Charlie passes a woman wearing too much make-up and "masking an equally bad situation - but better." is BRILLIANT. Probably my favorite line. I'm a sucker for ramblings about late nights, booze, and tragically disappointing romantic endeavors, though.

I liked the juxtaposition of cultures in chapter four. It's interesting enough to make the abrupt change in story easy to work with. I thought I would certainly be immediately wondering why this is being thrown in, but you didn't miss a beat in maintaining the dry, cynical voice and making everything seem connected and important (and funny).

I found Pamela's character especially hilarious in chapter five.

All I could think in chapter six when Charlie shares his coke with the janitor was, "That janitor is having the best fucking morning of his life!"

Near the end I really enjoyed the extremely subtle hints that maybe one of these characters (possibly Leah and Charlie) at some point may display the slightest hint of humanity. It made me eager to keep reading and find it.

And of course, I finally reached the point where the extreme situational humor was too much - the mustache.
Not bad enough for me to stop reading, but I did slow down hoping it didn't get worse. Again, not my type of humor, so I wouldn't change anything about it based on me.

You did a really nice job with pace - although it seems obvious Charlie will walk in on Patel and Pamela, I was still anxious to find out when and how. Overall, this read was never boring, and in the end, that's what we're all going for right?

I wish you the best with this.

-Katy
The Promenade.

Read the first 4 chapters then scanned down and began again with the last three.
It lives up to its premise-loud and obnoxious-with enough momentum in the narrative to engage and entertain. Overall it's literary GBH with alliterations and porno terminology all over the place-initially I found them enteratining but the effect did attenuate with the repetition.
This will clearly appeal to lads, ladettes and those, like myself, just cresting the hill into middle-age and looking back fondly on their wilder days.
'cock-work' )doesn't need clock work explanation), the heavy use of alliteration, and at times prolonged digressions eg Candy and the porno-mag, would be the weak points. Otherwise this delivers on its promise.
High stars and Good Luck,
John

Brilliant work, Michael - you write with confident boldness and charge forward where others would hesitate. I expected a different style, I guess, and I'm thrilled to read a dark-comic book written with literary skill. Every second counts --every word--and I know I was glued to the screen, forgetting everything else, as the disturbing but compelling visual imagery took over my mind. This is gritty, unapologetic, and truthful. I expect to find myself pondering the book on many levels. There is so much more here than first meets the eye. High stars and on my shelf very soon.
Lizzi
God of Wine

This book made me laugh out loud. Spectacularly fresh writing. I would buy it.

Your opening is very strong and immediately grabs the attention, providing a great hook to keep reading. I love the pace and energy you write with, working well with the short chapters and different insights that keep the action moving. You have a great eye and well timed wit, with some wonderful observations and deeply comic lines. Just occasionally, I think perhaps you over play this, for example in chapter 2 the line 'sorry, clock work' isn't (in my opinion) needed - 'cock - work' was funny on its own, I didn't need it spelling out.
Otherwise, the only thing I am not sure about is the characters. I get that this is something of a pastiche of the modern office block, and the characters are not supposed to be 'likeable', but I would personally like them to have at least some redeeming characteristics if I am going to read much more about them - I am up to chapter 7 and so far I have found none!
Overall though, I think this is very well written and hugely original, so six stars and best of luck from me!

Oktober

Well, just read the first few chapters. This is definitely different and the health warning is warranted. I did laugh and was also shocked (that I laughed).
You have a gft for humour and for pace. I found your three main characters extremely repulsive but still wanted to know what happened to them.
Your language is rich but I found the constant alliterations too studied and clever. In my humble opinion you don't need them and the book would be better if some of them were removed.
Having said that, this is a very vivid 'take' on 'cublcle' sociaty. Good luck with it. I especially liked the makeup being like a fort on a passer by's face. Not going to shelve it as it isn't my kind of book but highly starred for the style and imagination.

Michael

I'm really enjoying what I've read so far. 'Rude Awakening' is a real feast of language and irreverent humour. Love the names (especially Pamela Hoare) and the cast of colourful (and colourless) characters you so vividly describe. Great, attention-grabbing opening scene. The short chapters, working back in time, is very effective - and everything moves along at a rollicking pace - which means I can dip in for some more when I've more time.

For now, happy to give you a run on my shelf.

Regards

Neil 'The Butterfly and the Wheel'

Hi Michael, I promised you a read, so here I am.
I took some notes as I was reading and they are as follows:

I like the first chapter, it's the first hint of something awful lingering in the distance, really draws the reader in and reminds me irresistibly of the first scenes of Fight Club for some reason.

I made it through six chapters, but I found myself needing to take a break often. I think because all the chapters are together, and not broken up. It doesn't matter much, but it was a little imtimidating.

I am the type of person who loves over-embellishment and a ton of description, so of course I like your writing style. Not sure whether others would find it to be too much, though.

The character I found myself most interested in was Pamela- I don't know whether this is due to the fact that I am a woman, or that she is really the most relatable. It was an awesome development/turning point in chapter 6 (I think) when you introduce us to her father, and their damaging relationship. Or at least it gives me a little more insight into her character, something that made her the way she was. She's devious and crude but it doesn't make me dislike her- the opposite in fact.

I like the way you've made the nameless narrator a sort of character- it's pretty clever.

I can see what you're getting at, with the cartoonish names, but "Cockburn" is really a revolting last name, haha.

I think the strongest points are the over-the-topness and the descriptions, but sometimes the plot felt a little thin- I suppose I'll have to keep reading to make sure, though. I couldn't really tell where Lucas would eventually fit in, but then I guess I'd have to read further to find that out as well. It does occasionally sound like you're trying very hard to shock the audience, which can be off-putting to some readers, but not this one.

I hope I made some helpful comments, but so many people have read this that I'm sure you've heard it all!

Melissa

So far what i have read ( up to ch 3) i find this book brilliant. As it is a dfferent genra from my normal daily reading it has my full support. I found it funny with well descriptive scenes and great characters. Happy writing and i will read more when i get a chance!

Wow what can I say!?! Um… well… trying to find something to pick on but not being very successful here!

This is incredibly entertaining, and brilliantly executed. Writing is polished and the story is fast-paced, easy-to-read and catchy. I like your voice; I feel like I’m there in the scene, can picture the characters.

Wonderful descriptions; ‘mental brandy’… ‘ghost of some demented supermodel’… ‘pink-nailed pinky’ … ‘tacky Friday-night-club crawl’… ‘in the same manner herpes preoccupies..’ ‘pair of frantic sperms searching for a fertile egg.’… Okay I’ll stop going on. Long story short: excellent, original, modern!

Love the names too - that just gives this piece an added edge. Your book is not just a book… it’s a whole package, wrapped up nice and pretty with a bow on top. It’s certainly up there, looking forward to reading more.

All the best!
Cara
The Awakening: Dawn of Destruction

haha! Your descriptions are killer! great writing style. Doesn't feel awkward, doesn't sound amateur, definitely original material.
Love it.

Read to (your) Chapter 10. Very intriguing plot that is sure to grab readers' attention right from the start. The style is very individual and I hope it achieves the success it really does deserve.
Well done.

Mike
Rudolph Goes Bananas

Chapter One:
This part of a line “-as if suddenly awakened from some intoxicating trace”
I feel like this takes away from the quickness of what is going on, even if it does connect with the title.

Nice start.

Chapter Two:
Like how you describe Pamela’s entrance.
Word choice is great here, with “harpy” and “flock”.

I felt her comments were a bit cheesy, but added to the scene overall.

I hate the italics. I feel they're a crutch that you’re writing doesn’t really need.

Like the alliteration in the last paragraph.

Chapter Three:
The comment about the oldest form of currency made me smile. Funny.

Chapter Four:
No comment

Chapter Five:
Nice set up and sets a pattern for how we’ll be seeing the main characters.
I thought it was clever how you went into her message inbox.

This was another laugh out loud moment:
“The notion that fixating on her father during sex might be considered strange never really crossed her mind.”

Chapter Six:
Didn’t like the jump from Charlie to the secretary to the security guard, seems a bit pointless to me.

I like the coffin metaphor with the elevator.

I don’t really like the dialect from Jordan, feels like a bit too much.

Chapter Seven:
I like the flower, but I mostly skimmed this chapter. It didn’t really hold my attention.

Chapter Eight-Nine:
This is actually where I started reading, technical retardedness and I never read chapter titles--that might be why chapter seven didn’t really hold my attention.
I know the format works well here because they are really quick splices, but maybe consider re-organizing it so you have five chapters per section, or something along those lines?

These chapters were nice. I loved the details and descriptions in these chapters, you head hop quite smoothly between Mr. Petal and Pam.


Over-allseies:
The narrator’s voice is well done, it’s almost a character in the story.
I like how wide this story spreads and all the people it encompasses. Throughout the chapters you can feel something building. It’s funny, and it’s layered. I didn’t catch some of the more subtle jokes until my second read through. It seems like the kind of book people would enjoy re-reading.

F***ing hilarious! Great piece of work. Love the fact that you don't hold back - at all! I think I'm going to read it again it was that funny.

Lee
"Elton: The Different Kookaburra"

Sounds like a right laugh. I'm willing to give this a go when a have a free, lighter moment or three.

YARG REVIEW

Nicelly written and very entertaining. great work!

Funny but rather rude. I read through to chapter 7 anyway as the story is entertaining.
When we get to chapter 5 and find that Pamela's dad is a catholic priest? This is something that possibly needs to be changed as a he would get a lot of flak in the community for fathering a child. Catholic priests are not allowed to have sex. I think reverend relates to Church of England or Anglican faiths (not entirely sure) and reverends are allowed to marry.

This is a funny read, for a particular demographic, I think it could do very well in the marketplace. The characters are believable (I live in London) and your dialogue well written. Good luck with this Michael.

Highly starred

Thank you very much!

What a way to open a story - a finale in the beginning!

I have read an article somewhere suggesting that life should not end in a sad note, in death. Death, it said on that article, is the most unfair thing about life, it suggested the cycle of life to begin and end backwards - so we should die first, from that cycle we grow slowly from being wasted to our spring of youth in childhood and then finish off as a rapturous orgasm. and I think it makes sense.

Your story started just like that - your story peaked right away in the first page - your readers would be helpless because you capture them from the begnning leashed like the dog, holding their attention hoping for the rapturous orgasm - the promised awakening in the end.

My first anthology of poems, "The Traveler's Soliloquies" begins with the poem, "Prologue" it tells a brief story of a flower opening it's petals in the morning and falls to it's would be death - the passage's end. The last poem in the book, "Epilogue" resolves what was ended in the beginning - like in life. For we always arrive somewhere, some time some place where someone or something awaits us - like an awakening. I hope you find time to read the Prologue, the Epilogue and the poems in between in my collection and eavesdrop on my self-talks.

I wish you well.

~ Jeques

Thanks Salwa!

Hello there :o) So far, I've read up to Chapter 3. I must say, the beginning caught me and then I found myself getting quite restless. Granted, this isn't the sort of book I'd pick up and read, however, I can see how it can appeal to many men out there ;p For me, I just felt that as I read there were too many verbs falling on top of each other. You have the good sense of explaining a scene, just try to be careful that you dont overdue it. I do wish you all the success with this. Salwa.

Hello there :o) So far, I've read up to Chapter 3. I must say, the beginning caught me and then I found myself getting quite restless. Granted, this isn't the sort of book I'd pick up and read, however, I can see how it can appeal to many men out there ;p For me, I just felt that as I read there were too many verbs falling on top of each other. You have the good sense of explaining a scene, just try to be careful that you dont overdue it. I do wish you all the success with this. Salwa.

Good start, but I thought the style was a bit naive, unless you were aiming for the rather cartoony style of comic writing, with lots of bangs, crashes, bare plot and slapstick farce.

Was that your intention?

Thank you very much most appreciated!

Hi-larious! The intro. is an attention grabber, though I was a little hesitant about where it was going from there - I'm sooo glad I kept reading. It really gains momentum with character development & I can't wait to read the edited/polished full version! Utterly raunchy and laugh out loud funny! What could be a sad, angry commentary, you've made into a relatable satire of the daily grind.

Hi-larious! The intro. is an attention grabber, though I was a little hesitant about where it was going from there - I'm sooo glad I kept reading. It really gains momentum with character development & I can't wait to read the edited/polished full version! Utterly raunchy and laugh out loud funny! What could be a sad, angry commentary, you've made into a relatable satire of the daily grind.

What a way to open a story - a finale in the beginning!

I have read an article somewhere suggesting that life should not end in a sad note, in death. Death, it said on that article, is the most unfair thing about life, it suggested the cycle of life to begin and end backwards - so we should die first, from that cycle we grow slowly from being wasted to our spring of youth in childhood and then finish off as a rapturous orgasm. and I think it makes sense.

Your story started just like that - your story peaked right away in the first page - your readers would be helpless because you capture them from the begnning leashed like the dog, holding their attention hoping for the rapturous orgasm - the promised awakening in the end.

My first anthology of poems, "The Traveler's Soliloquies" begins with the poem, "Prologue" it tells a brief story of a flower opening it's petals in the morning and falls to it's would be death - the passage's end. The last poem in the book, "Epilogue" resolves what was ended in the beginning - like in life. For we always arrive somewhere, some time some place where someone or something awaits us - like an awakening. I hope you find time to read the Prologue, the Epilogue and the poems in between in my collection and eavesdrop on my self-talks.

I wish you well.

~ Jeques

this is an interesting read up to 2. will put it on my watch list to get back to it. Check mine "To Kill a Man Twice" if you have time and any feedback will be appreciated

this is an interesting read up to 2. will put it on my watch list to get back to it. Check mine "To Kill a Man Twice" if you have time and any feedback will be appreciated

Johnny really amazing and very comprehensive feedback thank you very much. I'm thrilled you couldn't look away. You will be pleased to know that a professional is doing the edit as we speak. The book will then be published and available on Amazon.

I look forward to reading your work.

Thanks again
Michael

p.s You might just be surprised by a few redeeming features.

I read the full excerpt of Michael Dale's "Rude Awakenings," and I have to say that I could not find one character with whom I could sympathize--and that was entirely fine with me. As I read the story, it was like watching a train wreck about to happen: I knew it was coming, but I could not look away. These characters are so rude and the story so perverse that I wanted to keep reading...perhaps to see if any of these people had any redeeming qualities. You know what? Sometimes people don't. I know a few. Perhaps we all do. I cannot say I enjoyed reading the story (though I did laugh out loud a few times--ok...I did enjoy it, but please don't think me a pervert), but I do have to say I could not stop myself. I guess that's entertainment for you.

Before I go on, I have to say that Dale needs to scrub the manuscript. By that, I mean he has some editing to do. There are punctuation errors, some unnecessary fragmenting, but two serious problems definitely need to be cleared away: the dialogue mechanics and the point of view shifting. All these are easy issues to clean up, and I hope he takes time to do it.

Despite these mechanical shortcomings, there are many interesting aspects of the narrative that are quite entertaining. Besides the somewhat perverse humor and ironic situations, there are two aspects of the story I found very amusing. First, the characters names are very clever, they fit the people nicely. Pamela Hoare is exactly that: a whore. She is willing to sell herself to get what she wants. Then there's Charlie Cockburn... I'll leave that to your imagination. Read the story and you'll know what I mean. The second aspect I enjoyed is the abundant assonance and alliteration:

"...in the same manner herpes preoccupies the promiscuous after unprotected sex."

"...she made her malignant yet merry way to his odious office."

--and my favorite--

"...so sadly sterilized by a lifetime of sniveling subservience to the system."

Ah...it is completely pervasive through the prose. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Let me close with two pleas to Michael Dale: (1) Please scrub the story, and (2) please put the rest of it into Authonomy.

I have to see the wreck and the resulting carnage!

I read the full excerpt of Michael Dale's "Rude Awakenings," and I have to say that I could not find one character with whom I could sympathize--and that was entirely fine with me. As I read the story, it was like watching a train wreck about to happen: I knew it was coming, but I could not look away. These characters are so rude and the story so perverse that I wanted to keep reading...perhaps to see if any of these people had any redeeming qualities. You know what? Sometimes people don't. I know a few. Perhaps we all do. I cannot say I enjoyed reading the story (though I did laugh out loud a few times--ok...I did enjoy it, but please don't think me a pervert), but I do have to say I could not stop myself. I guess that's entertainment for you.

Before I go on, I have to say that Dale needs to scrub the manuscript. By that, I mean he has some editing to do. There are punctuation errors, some unnecessary fragmenting, but two serious problems definitely need to be cleared away: the dialogue mechanics and the point of view shifting. All these are easy issues to clean up, and I hope he takes time to do it.

Despite these mechanical shortcomings, there are many interesting aspects of the narrative that are quite entertaining. Besides the somewhat perverse humor and ironic situations, there are two aspects of the story I found very amusing. First, the characters names are very clever, they fit the people nicely. Pamela Hoare is exactly that: a whore. She is willing to sell herself to get what she wants. Then there's Charlie Cockburn... I'll leave that to your imagination. Read the story and you'll know what I mean. The second aspect I enjoyed is the abundant assonance and alliteration:

"...in the same manner herpes preoccupies the promiscuous after unprotected sex."

"...she made her malignant yet merry way to his odious office."

--and my favorite--

"...so sadly sterilized by a lifetime of sniveling subservience to the system."

Ah...it is completely pervasive through the prose. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Let me close with two pleas to Michael Dale: (1) Please scrub the story, and (2) please put the rest of it into Authonomy.

I have to see the wreck and the resulting carnage!

Brilliant and funny as hell. Needs a bit of editing, and a couple of those long, alliterative sentences got me too. Definitely like the alliteration in other places, gives the voice a very unique feel, but the long ones seemed like you were forcing it a bit. Great stuff though. Funniest thing I've read on this site so far.

Brilliant, really glad you enjoyed it. Just sent it off to a professional so proper editing underway soon.

Brilliant and funny as hell. Needs a bit of editing, and a couple of those long, alliterative sentences got me too. Definitely like the alliteration in other places, gives the voice a very unique feel, but the long ones seemed like you were forcing it a bit. Great stuff though. Funniest thing I've read on this site so far.

Great stuff thank you very much!

Woah!

A hammer blow of text - no holds barred and certainly something in there to make me read on. Shock seems to be the tactic here.

Absolutely hate the secretary already. Will be reading on.

Have a heavy covering of stars.
Jonathan

Woah!

A hammer blow of text - no holds barred and certainly something in there to make me read on. Shock seems to be the tactic here.

Absolutely hate the secretary already. Will be reading on.

Have a heavy covering of stars.
Jonathan

Like it :-)

;o) Cool thx!

Like it :-)

I like the puns, I like the writing, and I like the sexy content.

Backed.

Thank you!

I like the puns, I like the writing, and I like the sexy content.

Backed.

Hi Mike I shall read and enjoy it as soon as I get a new laptop which will be shortly. Congratulations on completing your first novel and having the bravery to share it with the world. So many SAY they have 'a book in them' but so few ACTUALLY do owt about it.

Not you though, not you.

Maximum Respect Brother.
R.

Brilliant stuff mate! Thanks a lot its been a bloody mission!!! Much gratitude and appreciation for your input

This is definitely something different, you have a style very much your own and not like anything else I have read on here so far.
I don't know if I can say I like it but despite this have found myself up to chapter 9 so there must be something that's keeping me going!
Personally I find the alliteration distracting, like maybe words are being used purely because they begin with the same letter, not necessarily because they're the best words to use. I wasn't sure what was going on in the sections relating to Luca either, although I guess the link will be revealed at some point.
Best of luck- this is certainly eye-catching stuff!

Great stuff thanks very much! I really appreciate your input. I am a bit of a frustrated poet at heart and I can't resist the temptation to wax lyrical every now and then. I do however defend my word choices I always try to pick the perfect one. Admittedly I don't always get it right. Great to hear you're strangely compelled to carry on reading.

Hi Mike I shall read and enjoy it as soon as I get a new laptop which will be shortly. Congratulations on completing your first novel and having the bravery to share it with the world. So many SAY they have 'a book in them' but so few ACTUALLY do owt about it.

Not you though, not you.

Maximum Respect Brother.

R.

This is definitely something different, you have a style very much your own and not like anything else I have read on here so far.
I don't know if I can say I like it but despite this have found myself up to chapter 9 so there must be something that's keeping me going!
Personally I find the alliteration distracting, like maybe words are being used purely because they begin with the same letter, not necessarily because they're the best words to use. I wasn't sure what was going on in the sections relating to Luca either, although I guess the link will be revealed at some point.
Best of luck- this is certainly eye-catching stuff!

Hi Mike I shall read and enjoy it as soon as I get a new laptop which will be shortly. Congratulations on completing your first novel and having the bravery to share it with the world. So many SAY they have 'a book in them' but so few ACTUALLY do owt about it.

Not you though, not you.

Maximum Respect Brother.

R.

Great new cover!!

Cheers Ian needs the professional touch I'm not the most talented photo-shopper on the face of the earth actually made it in powerpoint! Glad you like it. I'm looking forward to reading more Tiger Hugs when I get a moment.

Great new cover!!

I've read the first two chapters. You have a bold and straightforward style, and your use of alliteration certainly arrested my attention - it's an unusual innovation in a modern novel.

Naming the slutty secretary Hoare might be an ounce too much.

Thank you sir!

Cleverly descriptive! Funny, how it seems to accurately sum up much of today's cubicle driven, "cock work" society. Definitely have a knack for the sexy hot smutty stuff...go for it! Write on, and good luck.
C. Lang

Thank you sir! Brilliant feedback!

Cleverly descriptive! Funny, how it seems to accurately sum up much of today's cubicle driven, "cock work" society. Definitely have a knack for the sexy hot smutty stuff...go for it! Write on, and good luck.
C. Lang