A Buccaneer

A Buccaneer smacks of authenticity right from the start with the clipped English of the narrator. I enjoyed the progression of the plot in the first few chapters, England / Europe of the mid 1600s was a world of turmoil, the mention of plague, post Cromwell Royalty adds intrigue to the already polished narrative. I have no doubt that this novel would be popular with lovers of this genre and would certainly convert many first timers as well! I;ve watchlisted for further reading and rated it with high stars. Impressive. Best regards, Andrew Esposito / Killig Paradise

I really liked the first chapter, It made me want to read on. It felt a degree of empathy towards the main character even in these early stages. Great stuff.

Great story line again in this chapter mon ami! Few typo's but I was so into the story that was trivial. I'm journeying on friend.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou"

Just read the first chapter and keen to read on ... However, I do feel that you begin better than you end. There's lots of detail in a few words in the early pages which is great but then it suddenly becomes very rushed. I wanted to know a bit more about why the hero suddenly becomes a footpad following the death of his beloved and his father. I love the cool detachment of the narrator's voice. Is he hiding seething anger? I shall read on to find out!

Strachan I have not forgotten about mon ami. I have got you on the watchlist and will shelve your great novel shortly. I must continue to commend you on thorough research, good tension, and great flow on the storyline.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou"

I thoroughly loved this. It has a lot of action. Personally I like narratives (and you handle this very well in the first person), but I wonder if the book would be stronger to start out with the narrative and then let the story unfold without the I factor. That is just me. Good job overall. Best of luck.

Action Packed!!

An excellent piece of historical writing. The language of the period is masterfully rendered, never once lapsing in pastiche, and I love the languid way the story is built up. Time and care has clearly gone into this and I'd be very surprised indeed if there is a better book than this on the site. Deserved backing and six stars.

You have nailed the 'voice' for this narrative. It's incredibly believable and easy to read. It's also moving and very consistent. The grammar makes it a little hard to follow, it would really benefit from a bit of a tidy up. But it's an excellent opener and very readable.

GG x

Its always a delight to read a period story. I'm hooked on the Buccaneer

Hi Strachan Gordon
I've read the first chapter of 'A Bucaneer' and I'm incredibly impressed with the sense of time and place that you evoke. Henry Pelham really does 'show' us so much in his opening 'telling' of the story.

Initially, I was thrown by your lack of spacing (is this something you will fix?) but soon got used to it. My apatite is whetted and I shall be reading more of Henry's story over the weekend.

Incredible story Monsieur Gordon! I flew threw chapter one and two soaking in the world and events that shaped the early life of Henry Pelham. It has a great flow and great pace sir. I'm diving further into the chapters now. This is going to be a riveting adventure at sea!!--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou"

This wonderfully written story inspired a feeling that I too could be an integral part of it. I was thoroughly involved. Beautifully portrayed albeit about the harshest of times. Engaging and interesting plot and it seems a tad pedantic for me to find fault in the punctuation given that I didn't really take that much notice of it, the story itself took me on a flight of fancy that skipped me clean over them without a ruffle . I was there for the story, not the comma spacings. A matter easily sorted and too trivial to issue as a flaw. I find no fault whatsoever with this story. Best wishes. trev

I love books written in the manner of the era they are placed and your book is no exception. I have only one query and that is the use of 'impoverishment' in the same paragraph as 'Grammar School'. The two don't quite go together I don't think.
Worthy of the top table. Best of luck. JB. Woods (George Barrington Hunter)

Hi Strachan,
I have just started reading A Buccaneer and your passion for history certainly shows. I feel compelled though to kick-off my comments by reiterating what others have said about the presentation. In part, it's true that the punctuation is awry (commas in particular) and this makes for an uncertain flow but if you could also remedy the spacing and associated niggles, you would be doing your talents a great service. For example, it made me giggle when I read of Charles 11, rather than Charles II! Silly, I know but it was distracting.

That aside though, I agree with Jason's comments below about making the first chapter into a Prologue. I know that prologues can be over-used but done sympathetically, they make a great scene setter. When I read Henry's story, I could picture it voiced-over the snippets of scenes in the manner of an introduction to a drama programme, which is an indication of the strength of your story-telling. It would perhaps also let the reader realise that the rest of the work isn't going to have such a feeling of 'tell' about it, though if you go down that route, I think you would need to keep it quite tight and factual, without too many emotional diversions.

As the chapters progressed, the style of the narrative started to grow on me. I liked that way that Henry's voice is matter-of-fact and yet somehow wistful. I also began to like the way that it feels almost like a journal. Would it be possible though, to use his character to explain more via dialogue than he does at present? We can tell that he is an educated man, so I don't believe it would be out of place. An example would be when Henry is looking to become a soldier but is told that the Wars are over. At the moment, he replies to this assertion by saying 'Not in the Low Countries,' and then as an author you go on to explain, 'where War had recently broken out between Holland and France.' So forgive my ignorance of the historical significance here but maybe in moments like this you could use him to say, 'Not in the Low Countries, it isn't. At this very moment, Holland and France fight for the/over the....' It 's just a thought that occurred to me as I read and one that might help to lessen your need to tell us so much in the narrative.

All of that said, I am going to come back and read more of this because you convey so much of the daily minutiae from this period that I want to know more, so I'm putting A Buccaneer on my watchlist.

Sandra-Jane Goddard
The Worst Of Lies

An extremely well written piece and obviously well researched, the only thing I would suggest is making this first chapter a prologue, you have given us Henrys back story in one chapter, this could put a lot of readers off even a well written piece as this which would be a shame. Back story can be given in drips and drops through out the book or placed in a prologue. Even though not my usual fair I did enjoy and it is placed on my watch list.

Captain Henry Morgan, and 17th century pirates, I'm already excited!

I referenced Captain Kidd and several books including Captain Charles Johnson's (Robert Louis Stevenson some say.) "General History Of The Pirates" for my novel "The Devil Of Black Bayou" to give it the same pirate feel and authentic kick.

So far the dates are corresponding with historical patterns and believability. The dialogue and character interaction is pretty sharp too. I'll read on, offer more comments, and put it on my shelf.--JL

Strachan,
"A Buccaneer" is an engaging piece of work one can get lost in, forgetting time and place. Your narrative progresses in a stately manner turning stones that need turning, your protagonist sympathetic despite his descent to low-life from privileged scholar. Your strengths are in your simple, clear phrasing to describe situations and your ability to turn out credible dialogue. Thank you so much for the entertaining read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

I wondered if I would like this, a first chapter with no dialogue and very much 'tell' rather than 'show.' Actually it drew me in and I found the protagonist's loss very moving. The next chapters move along at a spanking pace. The corpse carrier chapter are very atmospheric and authentic. I have stopped where he has arrived in France but will read on to see how he becomes a buccaneer.
Yes, the spacing of words is off but I didn't notice any other errors which is a sign that I was well in with the story.
I think this is very, very clever. You have achieved the sort of style that Defoe uses, perfect for the period, but in a way that works for a modern readership. High stars and staying on my watchlist to read more.

Thank you for your kind comments on my book, Jungle, Solitude, and Dreams. I read your first chapter and (after getting used to the spacing, spelling and punctuation errors) became quite taken in. I already feel I know this character and am concerned with his future.
Good luck.
Kathryn

Your decision to write this story in the style of a memoir from the seventeenth century is a brave one and, on the whole, I feel it works. The first chapter was heavy on narrative summary - his beloved never really comes alive on the page (but then she dies anyway!) - but in the plague chapter things spring more to life. In fact it puts me in mind somehow of early 18th novels like Moll Flanders and Tom Jones - in a good way. I read to the end of chapter 4.

There are many places where you could improve the writing but there is a very strong sense that this man does have a story to tell and I want to know what happens to him. You MUST do something about the punctuation though. As it stands it will alienate readers who might otherwise really enjoy your work.

In chapter 1, you use the word rubbish and that stuck out like a sore thumb for me. A couple of examples would be much better and give you an opportunity to pop in some nice period details.

But really, I like this. I think writing in this style works for your story and if you have a great story, then all the rest will follow.
Very best wishes,
Kate

Dear Strachan,
I could really immerse myself in this amazing story, as i am an avid fan of historical fiction. I have only read two chapters so far, but i will keep it on my WL so i can enjoy it when time permits.
One little comment: In Chapter two, when your mc arrives at the well-to-do house and finds a young girl being attacked by some of the plaguemen, he fights them bravely, but when some more arrive, he abandones the young girl to her fate with the horrible creatures, and runs to save his own life. I must say i was a bit disappointed, i expected him to have a little more...whatever it takes to save the day.
I also think that a bit of copy-editing would make Buccaneer sparkle! :)
Five stars and a place on my shelf when time allows

Maria
The Path to Survival

Absolutely fascinating. This is why I love Historical Fiction. I can only imagine the amount of work that goes into creating the atmosphere. Well done.

Strachan,
Interesting story. I love a man who can swash and buckle. I like Henry, such a mass of contradictions. The loss of his unrequited love is very moving. Since I seldom get past first chapters, will make comments now.
Pitch: Short and direct. Your historical research is abundant in the pitch and drew me in.
Plot: Promising in the pitch. Will try to read later chapters to see when the buccaneering begins.
Pacing: This is a huge download of back story, but since it is done in first person narrative it flowed well for me. Really am engaged in Henry's destiny.
Spelling/Grammar: I'm terrible at these, but figure we all are here to polish the book so try to point them out when I see things.
1. Format was off. If you used word, you can click on the paragraph symbol under format and these show up. Then go to font and click the Aa eraser symbol to remove automatic formatting. Just make sure there is an arrow at each new paragraph so you will have indents. Also, the commas and period spaces will show up as little high dots between words. Several places you have no space or too many. Anyway, hope that was clear and helps.
Not many errors that I caught, but will list the few.
2. 'engaged in sowing,' -- 'sewing' same spelling error again in that paragraph.
3. 'We would gather ... and spent' -- 'and spend'
4. When you're describing her singing, 'in the country, but she was out' -- 'country, when she'
5. typo in 'There was something so captivating asc' -- as
6. typo 'But the I' -- 'But then I'
Dialogue: None, how refreshing. I love Dickens, and I know your character is not a poor drab in a corner, but it has that kind of narrative flow.
Voice: You use so much detail and insight, that it was easy to trust your voice and follow the story.
Characterisation: Excellent, neither character was a cliche. Both were shown vividly. I hope when next I check in he has found a new love.
Very good beginning. Look forward to reading more.
Good luck in your writing, Hope you read and comment on one of mine soon.
Janet
The Milche Bride
Clarissa's Kitchen

This books looks so interesting I have put it on my watch list. I will comment fully later.

I think this approach to Henry's story is a bold move, given that contemporary fiction leans toward the dialogue-driven (the influence perhaps of the cinema age). Jim Harrison springs to mind and Lindsey Davis (Rebels and Traitors ) as modern authors who have chosen to tell their stories in this way. The opening chapter of A Bucanneer put me in mind of Daniel Defoe. I can imagine Henry's father despairing of his offspring in much the same way as Robinson Crusoe's.
I'll be interested to see how things turn out for this young man.

Not something I would ordinarily read but glad I did. I have just completed the first chapter which captivated my imagination. Your writing flows well with great detail. I previously lived very close to Bude and have happy memories. I look forward to reading more, thank you for sharing. I believe your book will do well.
A couple of things you may want to consider:
Chapter 1, May I suggest Allow me to tell my story- as opposed to let me tell you my story.
End of 2nd paragraph may need a full stop.

Good luck Mary "back from naivety" x

I normally don't go for this type of stories, however I still read up to chapter 4, so you must be doing something right. Well written. "He approached me with that air of the world that the Frenchman carries with him in such perfection." :) not sure about the "in", but made me pause and think... like a few other beautiful sentences you wrote. I like that.
I have found the beginning a bit rushed though, which to me makes the MC's behaviour after Christina's death not as credible as it could have been had you given us more details about their relationship, and how he got to love her so much. Also, spaces after punctuation would make your book easier on the eye!

I'm keeping "A Buccaneer" on my WL, and will definitely read more of it.

This book it totally worth the read for people who like adventure on the seas.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

I don't know much about the time period you write about but what you wrote is well written--one gets a great sense of the time, the people, the sadness, the main character's love and loss. I admittedly got snagged up on the spacing after commas, but that's the journalist in me; am assuming that's a style. I only read the first chapter but hope to come back to the rest when I have more time. Good work.

Amy LPeterson

Beautifully written and very absorbing from the first paragraph. Really enjoyed it. The story moves along well and is quite captivating.

Chapter 15 blew me away. The men who tried to kill Henry all approached him in different ways. It was like being in the middle of the Raiders of the Lost Ark and Harrison Ford. Then the man being attacked by the crocs and the sweet lady almost being eaten by an anaconda. What an exciting chapter. Extremely captivating. I will be reading more.

My Boys Daddy

This isn't my usual type of interest, but after reading the first 2 chapters I can tell that anyone who normally reads this genrie would truly enjoy it. I did notice that in many places there were no spaces following commas or periods, and I was wondering was this done purposely. Other then that very good job. YOU GIFTED WRITER!

Read through chapter two. This story moves fast from the very beginning...lots of dramatic things happening to your MC. And by the end of chapter two, I think my favorite part is the man he meets in France that has hidden clairvoyant capabilities. Well written. I felt like I was reading a story, perhaps with the shadow of the seventeenth century upon it, if not from that era.
Good luck with this!
Georgia
The Woman From E.A.R.L.

I read with great interest your first chapter. The story is captivating. I love early history and the depth of your story around the history as well as your life and why you chose to become a pirate comes across accurately and true to life. Think your old english really expresses the time period that youre conveying. I can see why you're book has become so successful on this site... well done! I'm sure you have a best seller!
And thank you for writing such a great review of my Dummies for Dating. If made my day.
best wishes
michelle

Ok – I would like to make the following observations as I read your first chapter.

It is clearly is first person voice past tense and a parody of 17th Century language. Clearly it has to be a parody as the actual English of that time was almost incomprehensible to us. I think the imitation does work – mostly. The way the character talks does gives a lot away about his personality and is better than a slow reveal of his physical appearance – although that is totally lacking and could be added.

I felt the ‘I fell from grace’ in the second para unnecessary. You ‘ve already made that clear. Also jumping to the end of the chapter it does not fit with the initial proposition. Circumstances decreed means he had no choice, it seems he chose to change out of grief or emotional misery, but he was not compelled as in he became destitute and had to steal. He might think that life was cruel or twisted him but a choice was made not out of necessity.

Would the person then have referred to events as the Late Rebellion and is it all capitalised?

I think the following description is more like a list of historical facts without explanation or feeling or commentary by the subject. I think the reader needs a leg up. Earl of Essex was fighting against the King then? Why an Earl? Sounds all wrong even if it is historically correct. I think it would do better to call his father a Royalist or whatever they called themselves in those days to make it clear.

On the arrest of his father the subject slips into modern talk ‘ throwing items of rubbish’ actually they called it crap or just pelted her with rubbish. Anyway it seemed inconsistent. Then would he have spoken of the raiding party as gentry? Maybe, but I would have thought he would have hurled a few insults at them in recounting his story. Also five-hundred pounds, really? That is a lot in those days. I think the following factual reference to the average wage is really out of place and smacks of boasting about historical detail. In the next para ‘alms’ is in capitals and then not. Maybe a different usage? I think the whole two paras need to run together with a bit more hate. How they stole such a large sum enough to drink themselves silly for the rest of their lives which he hopes they do and also hopes he can come upon them drunk and helpless and run them through.

The following part seems to go over a massive change of circumstances which need far more expansion but the subjects reaction is really not investigated. His father was restored, he should no longer be bitter. Ok he preferred Greek over Latin and the University was rubbish, but why go off the rails? Dunno, it isn’t spoken about. Why did he turn against his father now?

I like the idea of love tragedy leading to an embittered criminal life, but some detail is sadly missing. I am really not sure about a singer being in a Tavern in London. If these were allowed they were nearly all prostitutes were they not? Even if it is correct it seems unlikely for her to be both pious and a singer. I am not sure she can be a ‘morass’, doesn’t sound right to me.

There is a series of short paragraphs that could be truncated to one as they cover the same thing but cut shorter.

Again I am not sure a woman would be allowed into rooms of a gentleman who she was not married too. Especially in Grays Inn. Then her history seems incredible. A dairy maid, once a dairy maid you were stuck, then a seamstress (quite and elevated position)and then a singer in a brothel, but pious.

There is a typo in the para about the songs asc instead of as.

I’m afraid the return to London because of a feeling, instead of news of the plague, did little for me as it was so improbable. The writing over and over of the phrase did little I thought to help the plot.

At the end of the day I would like to see where this is going and want to read the next chapters. But the first one did not flow or connect up well. The main character saved the day, but I still do not have him in focus.

Actually that is why I want to read more.

I felt there was far too much service to historical fact where it didn’t serve the main story line of the chapter. Second there was some sentences which had too much spurious detail. Like being wounded in the neck.

Hi, As I promised I have read part of your book. I got through page/chapter 5, and was disappointed to discover that page 3 was only a repeat of chapter 2 (you might want to fix that!) The first chapter seemed a little rushed to me; dwell on the action a little more, add more details of the difference of the city before the plague and after the plague, and other things like that.

I think the first paragraph especially could use some work. The sentences are rather "pat" when they are that short without supporting fast-action sequences. You can make his beginning "sing" a little more... put some rhythms into it. Why has he decided to write the history? Why does he think it will matter to us? Is it perhaps pertinent to add a hint of the setting he is writing from: "As I glanced around the cabin of my ship, I began to wonder if anyone would ever care to hear my history. It is a strange history, full of twists and turns."... that sort of thing, in your own style, of course.

There were a lot of typos and grammar/ punctuation errors that I noticed. The hardest for me to ignore was the lack of spaces after commas and periods, and things like missing apostrophes and commas that alter the meaning of the sentences. I am willing to do a full copyedit of a few chapters if you'd like, but I didn't want to scare you at first! Being an editor at heart, I see everything in the context of red-ink, and don't want to overwhelm you at first.

I think your story has a lot of potential. Keep working on it!
~Hannah

I should read more historical fiction. I liked the story idea and the implied adventure which I felt sure would come out in later reading. I was sorry that in the opening there was little or no dialogue, which would have added insight into the thoughts and emotions of the main characters: the fears, the desires, the horrors of life then. Let the characters tell the story; and it is an interesting story with many reasons to read on. It's a fascinating account of the times and after two chapters, seeing where the story is leading. You built the tension and I was aware of the constant jeopardy facing the main character. The story travels well through time. Good read and I hope you do well with it; there is a strong demand for historical fiction I am told. I'll read on sometime soon.

Would you spare some time to look at COSIMO'S ROOM or THIEVES' GATE, both murder mysteries (not thrillers) .... Best wishes ... Tony Clark

I read your summary of the book and thought 'oh no', but have read the first chapter and enjoyed it much to my delight. I will come back and read more. (I don't have my own internet connection and steal the time when I can.)
Style is different for all of us and for me loads of short paragraphs leave me with the feeling that there is information, emotion and detail being withheld. I would have liked to have read a lot more description and story in the house in Cornwall. I felt hungry for this as background before knowing where Henry would take us. Also (and I am not big on romance) I would like to have read more on the growth of the friendship/environment with Christina. For me it feels you don't value this as part of the story enough, or this is a first draft? I have noticed there are a lot of incomplete books on this site so I am not able to sample sections through to the end. Pity. You have 61,000 words in this work and how much more do you have to write? I wish I had more time now, but will come back to this. Keep writing.

Brondby Scott
(Praying To Dead Gods/Kissing Like A Child/Ripe Young Fruit/Images, Dreams, Fears And Reflections)

First chapter of "A Buccaneer" I found interesting though it reads like a first draft with a few typo's an stylistic faults that could easily be fixed.

The narrator's "voice" come through at times: At other times it "sounds" to me like parts are coming at me from a different POV and I wonder, "Whose voice is that?" Not that it's a bad voice, just a different one.

I love historical fiction. Apart from this needing a little tweaking with regards to spaces being needed between commas and full stops, which can be a little distracting, I really enjoyed it. I'll definitely be back to read more of this. Could you please take a look at Sally of Spring Row for me and let me know your thoughts? It is also historical fiction, set in Bolton in Lancashire. I also noticed that you mentioned doing some work on the English Civil War; one of the bloodiest battles during that war took place in Bolton, which gets a mention in my book. I'd be interested to know what you think. Thank you.

No fault of yours, but this is not my kind of read. It's just too old fashioned for me. I wish you best of luck though! Caitlin Avery

I'm not a big fan of historical fiction. So, I'm a tough sell. But your "voice" is an accomplishment, I'd say. The story covers a lot of ground in short order. I'm inclined to read on past the first chapter, on the basis of finding out how this dubious character is going to further screw up his life. But now back to the beginning... I wish the opening was stronger. The first sentences seem almost like an adolescent attempt at a beginning. The many punctuation problems don't help. But I have a strong feeling that if you were to build a little more mystery and complexity into that opening paragraph, that the rest of the chapter would be read with even more interest. By the way, why don't you correct those typos and update the chapter? From my experience, a publisher would take one look at the typos and conclude that you weren't a professional, and toss the manuscript without giving it a fair chance. I don't think your book deserves that fate.

I’m a big fan of historical fiction, Strachan and take my hat off to any writer who takes on what, to my mind, is the hardest genre to master. I wouldn’t have a clue how to write a novel set three-hundred-odd years ago. I find it hard enough making a novel set thirty or forty years ago feel realistic so I can’t help but be impressed by your ambition and nerve.

Overall, I enjoyed the opening chapter to ‘A Buccaneer’. I do, however, think it needs quite a bit of work, both in terms of the nuts and bolts of the text (ie formatting, punctuation, typos etc) and the overall structure and pacing. It’s a very interesting premise, though. I love the idea of this sincere, rather bookish young man becoming a buccaneer as a result of a broken heart and loss of faith in humanity. I’ve only read the opening chapter (which seems to contain a lot of back story and scene setting and didn’t really involve me that much) but the later chapters (once Henry moves to the Caribbean, embarks on his piratical career etc) do sound great fun, with plenty of scope for adventure, intrigue, maybe even romance – just the type of thing that’s going to appeal to a broad cross-section of readers.

In short, a well-researched novel with an appealing premise which, judging by the opening chapter, is slightly let down by a rather flat, almost reportage style of prose. Starred and on my watchlist so that I can read on. Thanks and best of luck. A



I made some notes on chapter 1 as I went along. Feel free to ignore!!

There does seem to be a bit of a problem with the formatting?? There are spaces where there shouldn’t be spaces and quite a few missing spaces where spaces are needed (to separate words, after punctuation etc.) An easy fix, but, at the moment, it does make for a rather jerky, uncomfortable read.

‘items of rubbish’ – I may well be wrong, but ‘rubbish’ feels like a very modern word??

The text does feel a little short on punctuation at times? eg ‘As a result [comma] he retired…’ ‘My father [comma] they beat…’ Again, an easy fix, tho.

Are the troopers ‘gentry’?

Given that Henry was only two when the troopers ransacked his home etc, his recollections feel remarkably detailed/specific? Wouldn’t his memory be more sensory/emotional?

King Charles II not King Charles 11??

was not regarded; [not comma] Latin was

Some of the phrasing (eg ‘Such was the way I was always to repay his love’) feels rather clunky?? I appreciate that you’re attempting to replicate C17th speech patterns, but, at times, it makes for a very staccato, confusing read.

Inns of Court (not inns of court)

Repetition of ‘idle’

‘would also follow my suit’ – not sure what this means? Maybe just ‘follow suit’??

sewing not sowing.

I think the declaration of love scenes etc would be much more persuasive if they were reproduced as flashbacks and included direct rather than reported speech etc??

Repetition of paras beginning ‘And so…’

Did Christina write Abracadabra etc? Why? Was this common practice to ward off the plague? Seems unlikely? Makes me think of Christmas pantos etc??

‘in her groin’?? maybe ‘about/on her groin’??

As a general point, the punctuation needs a bit of looking at. eg ‘I shed no tears [full-stop not comma] Instead [comma]…’

We do seem to rather rattle through his conversion from a caring, rather bookish lover to heartless brigand. Feels rather unconvincing??

Gripping, exciting and swashbuckling! This book contains everything I love about adventure stories. Well done and good luck. High stars and on my WL awaiting a spell on my shelf. Yours Bea

Hello, Strachan. As promised, I've made time to read at least this first chapter. I find the story gripping, full of elements that lend it the kind of "being there" realism that can only come from full immersion in the period and a natural sensitivity to human passions and weaknesses. I want to get back and read more, but first I must share with you, though I'm new at reviewing other people's work and not sure if this is helpful or discouraging, that certain spelling errors detract from what appears to be a good level of literary polish: "vise," not "vice;" "sewing," not "sowing;" "vicious," not "viscious." I also see dissonances of register such as the use of the modern "pestering" where "importuning" would better fit the formal, educated manner the narrator displays elsewhere. I have disregarded the punctuation problems as they appear to be an issue with format conversion, perhaps. On the other hand, I think that the division into paragraphs does not follow a meaningful pattern and in fact many paragraphs consist of a single sentence, which of course is allowable but better used when the isolated sentence carries an impact all its own and convinces us that it merits consideration outside of a structured paragraph. These are just initial musings, Strachan, and they bear merely on technical aspects of your prose, which stands to be further honed in support of a strong, well designed story. If you´ve seen my prose you´ll notice I obsess over very small details and that is not necessarily the way for everybody, nor would I suggest it to anyone not so inclined; yet structure and technique can go a long way toward removing distractions that may draw away the attention of the cultivated, well-read readership you appear to court. Perhaps a little more attention to detail? "I kissed her spirit as it descended into heaven and felt my own descend into hell," for instance, is an elegant turn of phrase, but I´m sure Christina´s soul ASCENDED into heaven, which is generally described as a celestial abode, up in the sky. I also believe, for instance, that Henry was TENDING to his father´s business in Bude, as "attending" is the act of being present somewhere. Yet many expressions and metaphors are blessed with poetic inspiration, like when Henry, in spite of his roguish bearing, on the wings of love virtually SINGS that "to be apart was an endless time and each reunion brought greater rapture than before." Bravo! Would that the rest of your prose rose to that level. Best wishes.

Interesting plot and lovely use of old english. You have obviously researched your subject and included it as 'colour' which works well. Being born and brought up in Plymouth the setting in the west country obviously appealed. Good Luck
Tina Cox

I've read the first chapter, and, as I've read through some other comments, I won't go into the few punctuation mishaps. I don't typically read historical fiction, but this is intriguing and well-written.

There is a great deal to enjoy here, and the promise of a richly thought out plot to follow. This book deserves notice. However, there also seem to be some problems. The narrator's voice comes through as genuine and failry true to period (although as a fan of Restoration comedy I am well aware that the 17th C style does not always need to be quite so staid and plodding, and after all, this man supposedly writes as a blaguard and pirate) but so far the sense of period is convincing. Certainly there is a strong factual flavour of non-fiction rather than fiction which hints at the teacher rather than the writer, but that's hard to judge. Unfortunately your characterisation seems somewhat stereotypical and I think this spoils the tragedy of Christina's death - the reader does not care for her and has not been pulled into her world. By the way - I beg you to leave out the 'sneezing' related to the symptoms of the plague. I have studied the actual condition in some depth for my own work, and there are many contemporary accounts of the specific suffering to rely on. Sneezing is NOT related in any way - it has been picked up lately by the entirely erroneous supposition that the nursery rhyme "Ring-a-ring o'roses' relates to the plague. It does not. (It is probably American 19th C). Plague victioms suffered many ghastly symptoms but no sneezing.
Nor did Royalist supporters regain their positions so easily or promptly after Charles II's restoration. You make it sound remarkably automatic. It wasn't. Sorry to preach to a history teacher - but we all have our blind spots.
Personally I would love to see just a little more detail and emotion in your writing, more attention to style, and some care for typos - for instance, there should still be a space between two words even when a comma or full stop is present. Minor points - but they matter.
It's worth getting it right as there is much to commend this book and I have every intention of reading on.

Strachan,

Your story is intriguing so it drew me in and had me reading beyond the requested 1st chapter. I like the strength and purpose to your voice. As others have pointed out, the story needs to be edited for typos and punctuation errors. Also, you may want to watch the tendency to begin consecutive paragraphs in a similar form. Example from Chapter 5: "I stayed standing..."
"I heard behind..."
"I was privy..." and a few passages further down,
"I received..."

Repetition can cause a story to drone rather than flow. Your story is rich and well thought out and with minor tweaking it will be a thoroughly captivating book.

Well done.

Karyn