More Than Bricks and Mortar

Ok so comment part two, because I couldn't resist. I loved the cabbage rant - I'm laughing out loud writing that I loved it. It really made me laugh. Like if I was on the tube this would be a problem and people would think I was crazy. I liked the monopoly analogy The description of Brixton made me home-sick, I've partied in the Lounge Room and have a lingering fear of bouncers. Also loved 'no lyrics and no variation until everyone runs out of drugs or money and gets bored and goes home.' By the time I got to chapter 12 I was still interested, still engaged, still laughing and wanting to read more. If this book had been sent to my kindle as a sample I would have bought the book no question. PS I hate Anna.

Two things though - the cover of your book doesn't really illustrate how funny and bright your book is. I was completely taken by surprise when I started reading because I'd made a (wrong) assumption based on it. Also, you have Nick and Jane snapping things in half in a really short space of time and I think it dilutes the comedy of it slightly, unless you make a point of her maybe trying it out because it seemed to help Nick or something?

Leila
Life Is Not A Love Song

Based on the cover, I was ready for a bit of corporate corruption and gamesmanship. I wasn't quite prepared for the gritty narration, the realistic (if not so nice) characters, or the even the odd familiarity I feel when reading over some of the scenes, as if there's a sense of frustration and veiled despair just beneath the surface.

I rarely use the word love, but I LOVE this. I'm only second chapter in and I know it. I was smiling ten seconds.
How often we forget that tomorrow morning we will not feel quite as alive as we did the night before! I liked the ambiguously branded vodka - so familiar. The process of getting ready for work so slowly and carefully is really well done, I was so there, shivering in the bathroom. I like the slimming pill comment, the lost tortoise bus. Loved the garden moot point. the comment on the barman being the only man who prefers her to her friend. loved the description of anna's waist - i know exactly what you mean. It's the kind of book you read and instantly want to be friends with the author.

Based on what I've read already I'm backing it for a good spin. I think this will get onto the editors desk (if it's not met by too much prudishness).
Leila
Life Is Not A Love Song

Hi Miranda
I read the first couple of chapters and found a witty, amusing tale. Not the nicest people in the world, but great fun to read about. I have starred generously and will be reading on. On my WL and hope to get it on my shelf before long. Good luck with this.

Miranda,
"More than Bricks and Mortar" is a feisty piece of work that makes no apologies about what cavorts behind the facade of a professional purveyor of real property. Getting down and dirty with potent beverage, heroin and easy sex, Jane's preferred forms of recreation, is an early indicator of the ride we're in for, piggybacking on her POV and first person narration. This is a gritty take-it-or-leave-it book the very audacity of which makes it a delightful read like "Bridget Jones' Diary." Thanks for the entertainment.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Hi Miranda

Loving this, the writing is sharp and I found myself immersed in it. I've worked in property before, so I know how cut-throat it is and you've managed to convey this very well. Jane is a likeable MC, even though she does naughty things :) Harvey sounds awful, just awful, but I like that Jane is affected by it, otherwise I'd be tempted to think she's a hard nosed b*tch. Really like this. I note you haven't listed it as chick-lit, even though I'd class it as that...I'm going to recommend it to the girls on the chick-lit thread as I think they'll enjoy it too.

The only thing I picked up on was that Auzzie is usually spelled Aussie. Otherwise, I love what I've read so far.

Silvachilla
The Secret Diary

The start is a little slow, you literally describe every step from when she gets up, detailing her whole life. While this gives a clear view of the kind of existence she leads, it's a very drawn out way to do it and i would suggest being a bit more selective about choosing the right line or phrase to convey these things more efficiently.

It;s a little direct to start with, you describe what she does as she does it, but narratively it doesn't really have much momentum, It's a bit like having a man who is hungry, sohe goes to the shops and buys something and eats it. It lacks any up and down, difficulty or obstacle. Making the man feel quesay didn't enough.

Here, her journey through the haze of hangoverdom was clear but not all that interesting, for me.

When she starts interacting with the Danny/clients is when I think it starts working. ratehr than scene setting and establishing background stuff, it's much more focused and her condition still comes through. By the end of chapter one i think you're cooking. I would suggest trimming the opening part of chapter one as much as possible and getting to the office as soon as you can.

Based on the cover, I was ready for a bit of corporate corruption and gamesmanship. I wasn't quite prepared for the gritty narration, the realistic (if not so nice) characters, or the even the odd familiarity I feel when reading over some of the scenes, as if there's a sense of frustration and veiled despair just beneath the surface.

Ok so comment part two, because I couldn't resist. I loved the cabbage rant - I'm laughing out loud writing that I loved it. It really made me laugh. Like if I was on the tube this would be a problem and people would think I was crazy. I liked the monopoly analogy The description of Brixton made me home-sick, I've partied in the Lounge Room and have a lingering fear of bouncers. Also loved 'no lyrics and no variation until everyone runs out of drugs or money and gets bored and goes home.' By the time I got to chapter 12 I was still interested, still engaged, still laughing and wanting to read more. If this book had been sent to my kindle as a sample I would have bought the book no question. PS I hate Anna.

Hi
Thanks Leila
What do you think of the new cover? You're right I think about the last one. I'll spend some time working on another in the long term.

Two things though - the cover of your book doesn't really illustrate how funny and bright your book is. I was completely taken by surprise when I started reading because I'd made a (wrong) assumption based on it. Also, you have Nick and Jane snapping things in half in a really short space of time and I think it dilutes the comedy of it slightly, unless you make a point of her maybe trying it out because it seemed to help Nick or something?

Leila
Life Is Not A Love Song

Ok so comment part two, because I couldn't resist. I loved the cabbage rant - I'm laughing out loud writing that I loved it. It really made me laugh. Like if I was on the tube this would be a problem and people would think I was crazy. I liked the monopoly analogy The description of Brixton made me home-sick, I've partied in the Lounge Room and have a lingering fear of bouncers. Also loved 'no lyrics and no variation until everyone runs out of drugs or money and gets bored and goes home.' By the time I got to chapter 12 I was still interested, still engaged, still laughing and wanting to read more. If this book had been sent to my kindle as a sample I would have bought the book no question. PS I hate Anna.

Two things though - the cover of your book doesn't really illustrate how funny and bright your book is. I was completely taken by surprise when I started reading because I'd made a (wrong) assumption based on it. Also, you have Nick and Jane snapping things in half in a really short space of time and I think it dilutes the comedy of it slightly, unless you make a point of her maybe trying it out because it seemed to help Nick or something?

Leila
Life Is Not A Love Song

I rarely use the word love, but I LOVE this. I'm only second chapter in and I know it. I was smiling ten seconds.
How often we forget that tomorrow morning we will not feel quite as alive as we did the night before! I liked the ambiguously branded vodka - so familiar. The process of getting ready for work so slowly and carefully is really well done, I was so there, shivering in the bathroom. I like the slimming pill comment, the lost tortoise bus. Loved the garden moot point. the comment on the barman being the only man who prefers her to her friend. loved the description of anna's waist - i know exactly what you mean. It's the kind of book you read and instantly want to be friends with the author.

Based on what I've read already I'm backing it for a good spin. I think this will get onto the editors desk (if it's not met by too much prudishness).
Leila
Life Is Not A Love Song

I read the 12 chapters and the book flows so well. Jane is a complex character and I found her interesting. The insults from Harvery were cringe worthy and it is understandable why Jane didn't fight back.
She has her life in a mess and I found myself hoping that she'd come around to a better life in the end.
Very well written and easy to read.

Hi, thanks so much for your comments, and I shall be reading in return this evening. The feeback is really appreciated.

No they are not the nicest characters by any stretch of the imagination! Certainly in the end though, those that continue to be as such do get their just desserts. Hopefully, Jane develops much more depth as the story progresses, and becomes determined to inprove herself and escape from the world in which she is trapped. It was my intention that initially she come accross as shallow, vain, conceited, greedy etc; the theme behind the story being- how does one become such a person? What happens to make them that way - is it their past, their environment or a combination.

With Jane the reader comes to realise before she does what made her that way (but there is a happy ending- anyone can change their ways!)

Miranda

I plan to upload the rest of the novel shorty to the site.

Hi Miranda
I read the first couple of chapters and found a witty, amusing tale. Not the nicest people in the world, but great fun to read about. I have starred generously and will be reading on. On my WL and hope to get it on my shelf before long. Good luck with this.

good book; execellent narrative, descriptive and clear... this is an original with an original style= l shall back...
read SEASONS...

Miranda,
"More than Bricks and Mortar" is a feisty piece of work that makes no apologies about what cavorts behind the facade of a professional purveyor of real property. Getting down and dirty with potent beverage, heroin and easy sex, Jane's preferred forms of recreation, is an early indicator of the ride we're in for, piggybacking on her POV and first person narration. This is a gritty take-it-or-leave-it book the very audacity of which makes it a delightful read like "Bridget Jones' Diary." Thanks for the entertainment.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Felt queasy after reading this. Haven't had a hangover for years. Couple of points - did you mean to be washing 'the last of the sickly scream.....' off in the shower? And second - why are some of the words underlined in chapter one - I wasn't sure why.

Enjoying the read - and an individual, memorable MC who I don't think I like, but am happy to carry on reading about. Will comment again after.
Cariad.

Hi Cariad

Thanks for your comments

If the sickly scream doesn't ring true, I'll consider changing it.

No, the MC is not very likeable at all, on the surface. As the story develops, the reader should hopefully be able to uncover her history, circumstances and how she became such a character, and then may begin to empathise with her somewhat.

The MC's faults during the course of the story come back to haunt her; she becomes all to aware of them and does in the end manage to turn around and redeem herself.

The underlines are where there are intended to be in italics (they are underlined as per standard manuscript format). I had originally intended to follow the traditional submissions process only and therefore formatted it that way.

Felt queasy after reading this. Haven't had a hangover for years. Couple of points - did you mean to be washing 'the last of the sickly scream.....' off in the shower? And second - why are some of the words underlined in chapter one - I wasn't sure why.

Enjoying the read - and an individual, memorable MC who I don't think I like, but am happy to carry on reading about. Will comment again after.
Cariad.

Hi Cariad

Thanks for your comments

If the sickly scream doesn't ring true, I'll consider changing it.

No, the MC is not very likeable at all, on the surface. As the story develops, the reader should hopefully be able to uncover her history, circumstances and how she became such a character, and then may begin to empathise with her somewhat.

The MC's faults during the course of the story come back to haunt her; she becomes all to aware of them and does in the end manage to turn around and redeem herself.

The underlines are where there are intended to be in italics (they are underlined as per standard manuscript format). I had originally intended to follow the traditional submissions process only and therefore formatted it that way.

Felt queasy after reading this. Haven't had a hangover for years. Couple of points - did you mean to be washing 'the last of the sickly scream.....' off in the shower? And second - why are some of the words underlined in chapter one - I wasn't sure why.

Enjoying the read - and an individual, memorable MC who I don't think I like, but am happy to carry on reading about. Will comment again after.
Cariad.