Thicker than water

An excellenbt read. Well done!

No idea if I've done the star rating right, my phone doesn't seem to like it. But I've started book tonight up to chapter 16 and totally hooked, love it x

THICKER THAN WATER
This is a story with dramatic beginning. It automatically makes Steve a sympathetic character; someone a reader wants to follow to see this bad childhood will affect the rest of his life. Alex is a second good character. Your fluid writing style makes this, overall. an easy read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Sick... love it!!!

Graeme, you hit it bull's eye from the start. You've got the hook. You've got the backstory. You've got the reader emotionally charged. You established the connection with Steve from the beginning. The plot moves at the right pace. Also, I like the chapter endings and the suspense. Best wishes!
TDonna Robison
No Kiss Good-bye
(My book is a true-life novel about an unexpected immigration out of Romania to the U.S. at fourteen through amazing circumstances. Thanks!)

This has a great beginning. I really enjoyed it.

wow graeme - fab!! I feel like a proud mam . . clearly not that old x

Really enjoyed the first few pages Graeme, spelling and grammar need work, but the story really drew me in and looking forward to the end, thought I'd add a comment before I go any further. Great

Really enjoyed the first few pages Graeme, spelling and grammar need work, but the story really drew me in and looking forward to the end, thought I'd add a comment before I go any further. Great

great story

A powerful cover, of course. The story is also very strong and not for the faint-hearted. The writing is good and pacy and keeps the reader on their toes. Chapter 4 is gruesome but effective. The mystery kept me reading. I must find out what will happen. Good, gripping writing.

Super looking cover! Great 1st chapter. Happy to back your work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
Sue50

Read some more of this book and it's getting better. Keep going Graeme, I'd like to know what happens next!

Fantastic start to the story, very good portrail of all the main characters. I want the rest of the book now. once i started reading i couldn't stop. I noticed a couple of spelling and punctuation errors. But the concept of the whole piece is excellent. i look forward to reading the finished product.

Mike

What a way to start a book - you really root for the main character and want things to get better for him but know they aren't going to but still read on in the hope they do. I've got to find out. Please!

Really like this. Good dialogue and a great way of letting the reader into Steve's mind. My only criticism is the punctuation with the dialogue: no periods or commas after the speaker talks. Great job and highly recommend.
Dina of Halo of the Damned and The Last Degree

Read your first chapter and this is staying on the shelf. Very, very powerful in an unpretentious, quiet, and page-turning way. You've got a knack for getting the reader to turn the page-which of course, is everything. Will continue to read and comment. Will rate once finished. So far, am very impressed.
Dina of Halo of the Damned and The Last Degree

Hi Graeme!!

I'm back here to read through and give you my comments on "Thicker than water." I did have a look a few days ago, and quickly read through chapter 1, but I didn't have time to leave a good comment.

Firstly, I love the eye cover.!

OK.. when he said 'the slut', did that hurt the most?? And if she was so amazing, why didn't steve tell her what was going on??

Where you say "the person raping his nephew was detective jarvis jacobs" I think you need to change this, because it sounds like 'his nephew' was not steve. Say instead: My rapist was a cop, detective Jarvis Jacobs. or something like that...

And when matt went out with his friends - wasn't matt 10 years old? I thought he was, because that's how I thought you described it...

And yeah! I like the revenge at the end of the first chapter. That bastard should die.

As I think I said before though.. it's pretty sad, and I think for some people, it may be too emotional. I already gave you a high star rating, and I will read on for a bit....

Thanks for sharing, and best wishes for your succes.
Monicque x

Graeme,
The beginning is gripping and you have good introductions to what's going on in little Steve's life. The reader gets the general idea, and more info would be irrelevant. Good job.
Chapter four is bit raw. Good plot, but i would have loved to read the policewoman's thoughts before the killer starts Fantasizing about his next move. Being a cop, badly injured and in the car with the perp, she must've been in terrible pain while at the same time, feeling helpless. Where was her gun when he took her by surprise? Is she having any thoughts of getting away? The horror of what happened in her house from her POV. Why was she so vulnerable?
I'd like to be able to get into the killer's mind a bit more before the scene with the eye.
Then again, just my thoughts :)
Overall though, a very good read.
Maria
Dark of the Moon

Dying to read the rest of it :-)

Please take these comments as a single voice from an unpublished writer. I read to chapter 3 and thought where CH 1 was economical and dealt with the reason for the story perhaps CH2 was overly long with explanation. After a first draft I go back and hack out everything that doesn't advance the story eg a side character's back story. (I could be terribly wrong of course so tread your own path). It is surprising how little you need of that stuff if the central thread of the story is strong. Your book cover is excellent and the pitch drew me in. Towards the end of Chapter 3 I noticed sentences starting with. Sitting Pulling Inserting Lifting. As the followed each other closely it was obvious. If that was intended from a style perspective fine that is your call, but I noticed it. The subject matter of child abuse is explored in a number of books on Authonomy. I admit my own covers the area as well, in some detail at times. Putting it up front in the first chapter might cause people to categorise your book. That can work for you or against you. You might get a strong core sympathetic audience but put off a wider one. It's a judgement call. Good luck

omg. this is so sad.. :(
Well written! Thanks for sharing. I will read on...
If you get time, check out "The Multiple Choice" in some ways, it's similar to your book, but the mc dies in the first chapter. Best wishes for your success. Highly rated, very good work. :)

Hi there,

i've spent the last half an hour reading through this - impossible, I know, but I've been tearing through authonomy lately now that my A Levels are over, just enjoying the books, and your pitch certainly intrigued me. I think any mention of a girl losing an eye creates that instant tension, where you don't want to think about it but you have to find out. Your prologue was gripping and well written and a perfect prelude to the rest of the book, which certainly has well developed characters, if a few small grammatical errors, but they're always fixed with edits. Although it's not really my genre, I enjoyed what you've uploaded although I think I'd probably enjoy it most as a film or a dark and gritty BBC TV series, maybe starring a mature Freddie Highmore as Steve.

All the best with this, star rated appropriately!

Alex
F.M.F.

So far an interesting read (with a slight over obsession with advising on the age of you characters on introduction). That niggle aside, it is an immensely readable narrative, taking this reader on a suspenseful journey through the interweaving lives of the principle characters. Fast paced, good structure and a plot that doesn't shirk away from some disturbingly dark themes.There is a lot of promise here and mre than that, a genuine story telling talent. I have been drawn in to the extent I want to know more about the characters lives and am filled with anticipation of more complex interweaving plot developments in the offing. Well done, you have a winner with this one.

Just want to say I see your book is getting popular an shooting up sky high in the rankings!! Congratulations. I see you almost have 5 stars. Won't be long now before you reach six stars. I know I gave your book 5 stars. I will give it a six when its published. :-p

All the best! take care!

Love the book. It's definitely a page turner and I can't wait to read more. I read a lot of Dean Koontz and I like your style of writing Graeme, it has a similar suspense feel about it. Your characters are very likeable and I feel like I know them well! Keep writing more.

I have read the first chapter and rated and WL. It's something i believe would keep me intterested. Good job! If you get a chance take a look at Illusions of Comfort. Thanks
Always J

This was a truly enjoyable read! I never once minded reading on a computer, which is something I usually notice on this site, and I think that's the sign of a good writer, more than any of the other things I have in mind to list about this piece. You made me forget I was reading! Before I gush though in chapter two you started to swap between past and present and it effected flow. If you kept it all past with -ed ending verbs this would have been an even more breezy read than it already was. I was captivated by the realism in chapter one. You handled tone and the emotions like a pro, I thought. The narration was very strong and I already feel endeared to Steve. Steve and Alex's back and forth was wonderful to read. You capped off chapter two with a great bit of intrigue. Now I'll just have to read more :) I'm rating this very well and backing it.

Hello Graeme

Have had a look at the first few chapters of your book. So far very good, looking forwards to reading the rest.

Take care

Timmy
The Angel Project

Hi Graeme,

Had the chance to read another couple of chapters and some of the other comments you have received are right - each one is a page turner! Intriguing end to chapter one with the numbers, hmmm? What's that all about? I take it the numbers had to have been written from inside the car, that would be creepy! If so, then I think you should possibly make reference to it in the text to heighten the intensity.

There are a few grammatical errors too which could be off putting to the more experienced reader but a good edit will fix that so I wouldn't worry! We are all learning as we go.

But so far I'm really enjoying it. Your short, punchy sentences are a great style you seem to make your own but you might have to think are you offering too much factual information to your reader, would you want them to find this out for themselves through your dialogue? Just something to think about.

Starred and happy to continue reading on.

Take care mate, hope the kids aren't driving you too crazy?!

Danny
Hidden in the Shadows

I would define a good/briiliant book based on the following; The fact that when you read you don't want to put it down. You know every page you turn will grip you even more than the last, you find yourself saying, "Just one more chapter!" And before you know it, its 1am and you have devoured the full book!

This is exactly what i thought and is exactly what happened to me when reading this. This is a truly magnificent book so far in my opinion and I love how thought provoking it is. Keep up the good writing,

Rated your book and backed it :o)

I like your plot so much. Every chapter is just intriguing.

Hi Graeme, I read a lot on this site but I can honestly say I was looking forward to this one, and I wasn't disappointed. This is the business.

Mark, The Devil's Fan Club

Graeme,
I made a start and had a read of your prologue.
It's an interesting concept, the abusive uncle who is a police detective killed by the abused that would ultimately trigger terrifying events in the future. It's an intriguing end to the prologue that makes you want to read on. Did Steve kill his uncle? Hmmm? Or was it somebody else, I wonder, and how could it possibly trigger some terrifying events?
My only feedback so far would be the giving of money to his brother, who it appears you make to be around aged 10 at the time, to purchase alcohol and stay out late with his friends? Would an adult who wanted to appear responsible and trustworthy let a 10 year old out late at night? I understand in the story you want Matt out of the picture but this may need re-looking at. Also I was confused with the "time was a great healer and alcohol a great time consumer" sentence - I don't think you need it.
Don't want to offend and merely offering some kind suggestions pal :o)
Danny
Hidden in the Shadows

Awesome cover! Very descriptive....just the way I like it. Happy to back your work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
Rog50

I have now finished the book. It was a excellent read... very well done!!

Just thought I would tell you i am almost finished reading your book.. This book is so amazing.. The way you describe things is excellent and to a tea..

It is like a movie running in my head and each picture is daunting than the next.. It keeps you on edge and wanting to know more.. Its sad I only have two more chapters to read.. But I won't give away how many stars I will give you. I will save that until the end. :)

Just thought I would tell you i am almost finished reading your book.. This book is so amazing.. The way you describe things is excellent and to a tea..

It is like a movie running in my head and each picture is daunting than the next.. It keeps you on edge and wanting to know more.. Its sad I only have two more chapters to read.. But I won't give away how many stars I will give you. I will save that until the end. :)

i just have to tell you I am up to page 4.. It is simply amazing.. I have enjoyed it from the world go.. I will be reading some more tomorrow.. It is getting late here..

I promise i will give a more in depth comment once the book is finished.. But I am enjoying it. I wish it was a book and I had a bookmark.. :-p but i will be making a note what I am up to, All the best!!

A potentially gripping opening. Had you thought of writing it more from the point of view of the six and then thirteen year old? That could really add to the drama and the visceral punch of the piece.

Also I stumbled across a slightly odd turn of phrase in the prologue. Do you mean alcohol is a great ‘consumer’ or should that read consoler ? Also, the ten year old brother (plot-wise Steve still seems to be six at this point)being encouraged to go out and get drunk seems odd? Maybe go to the cinema or hang out with friends would come over as more credible.?

In chapter one you have some mixed tenses that need addressing “It had been fifteen years…” – “He’s still to this day…”

Hope the above is of some assistance.


J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

Hi Graeme,
As promised, I read a few chapters of Thicker than Water. It's excellent. What a fast, engrossing read. Kudos. You've got your characters and your plot down. I gave you five stars. Hope you can see your way to do the same for ANIMAL CRACKER.

Good luck with it.
Best,
Andi

Graham
I've just read all your posted chapters. The pitch was good and I liked the premise, evil psycho killer pitted against hero with secrets of his own. The chapters in the killer's POV worked well, he's creepy and unhinged so the fact that you didn't labour on his emotions or motives worked. The chapters in Steve's & Alex's POV contained a lot of backstory which slowed the pace a little, maybe some of that could be integrated as you go along. The chapter detailing how bad Danny was, kind of gave the game away before you gave the hook that he had a beard. There's a lot of shifting tense and passive voice but nothing that a good edit wouldn't sort out. I'm also not convinced about the references to real life cases.
Having said all that, I did read to the end because I was intrigued, you put good hooks at the end of your chapters to keep the pages turning and you have quite a few things going on...The murder of the abusive uncle. The mystery of Steve a man who doesn't need to work, lives in a posh apartment but chooses to work in a restaurant. What else has the killer got against Steve? and what's Alex not saying? I like twisty turny plots so I liked this one, and judging by your pitch it's going to get twistier...
Best of luck
Babs

I'm not a great big reader but I was gripped from the very start of thicker than water and was wanting more and more and struggled to stop at the end of each chapter i always wanted more. Great work Graeme keep it coming

got me in an instance can't wait to read more i've even started to take a tourch with me on a nightime just so i can check my car before i get in. Give me more you crazy whippet

The quality of the writing improves throughout these chapters and shows real promise. I easily found myself visualising the characters and locations - especially the vividly described lake scenes. The pace of the story is good and kept me wanting more. Keep up the good work and hopefully you will post more chapters soon.

Thanks. I have 55 Chapters wrote so far so will be publishing some more soon!

The quality of the writing improves throughout these chapters and shows real promise. I easily found myself visualising the characters and locations - especially the vividly described lake scenes. The pace of the story is good and kept me wanting more. Keep up the good work and hopefully you will post more chapters soon.

There is a tendency to mix fiction with fact in a tale about injustice. I'd try and keep it separate because from the publishing POV there is such a thing as old news. Thats not to say the injustice isn't worth being in the public eye, but readers are fickle and demand current event stories if its news. Thats my opinion, so unless an historical crime element is in incorporated in the tags, there may be a doubt that mixing fact with fiction can work. ( The Tony Martin case isn't historical fiction as such, but if Thicker than Water is still in print fifty years or one hundred years from now, then the case becomes an historical crime)

In chapter three I'm confused with 'It would send the media crazy. They cared much more about catching the killer when it was one of there own.' This sentence seems to suggest the media have the job of catching killers. I realise you do mean the police but I advise a word check and edit because publishers are perfectionists. The theme injustice and attempting to examine the true definition of power are great concepts in an interesting story.

Full metal jacket of stars.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

Hi Daniel,

Appreciate the constructive feedback. I never gave a thought about the longevity of the book! great point. Also take on board the media comment. I'll change that on my manuscript and republish when I get the time. If you could pass on to anyone who you think would enjoy please do!

Take care,
Graeme.

Wow, I really like the fast pace of this combined with the thought provoking under currents, you find yourself constantly juggling wanting to know more and at the same time wanting to slow down and process. It's very clever and I'm really enjoying it so far :-)

Hi C.E. Thanks for taking the time to take a look. You have said everything i would like to hear from someone who has read the book. Thanks for the support. Please pass on to anyone who you think would enjoy it. Would love to see this move up the chart for more feedback. Thanks again,

If there is anything I can do for you. Please let me know!

Graeme

This is a real pageturner so far! The cover art and title would have me selecting it from a book shelf and then the first chapter would compell me to buy this and finish it so job well done. Backed and starred. Fondly, Henry