Book Jacket

 

rank 382
word count 27646
date submitted 12.05.2011
date updated 01.12.2011
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Horror, Crime
classification: moderate
incomplete

Thicker than water

Graeme Cooper

Thicker than water will take you on a journey of murder, mind games and revelations. A killers grudge no one would want held against them.

 

There's someone after Steve Jacobs. Someone so sinister that they have kidnapped a girl and removed her eye just to start the game. The killer wants Steve to suffer just like he has and will stop at nothing to make it happen.
Steve will enter the killers game and will be thrown into a world of confusion and horror. Who is it that hates Steve so bad? Is it someone from his present or is it from his past?
Steve will only find out if he enters a world that only evil could have created.

Thicker than water is a fast paced thriller that has that uncanny way of making you want more at the end of every chapter. Twisting and turning all the way.

 
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tags

, crime, dark, detective, fast, fast paced, gory, murder, pacey, page turner, police, psycho, psychological, quick tempo, short chapters, suspence

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58 comments

 

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Prologue

He didn’t know why it was happening.  Why him? He just knew he couldn’t say anything or else he would be killed.  That was the promise.  The anger inside would rage like a wasp in a jam jar but he knew it was a waste of time.  Just as a wasp couldn’t unscrew a lid, he had no chance of getting him off.  He was too strong.

Overpowering.

Steve Jacobs was six when it first started.  The tickling, the friendly rub and the help with getting PJs on at bedtime.  The knowing smile from the man who was part of the family.  The smile was too friendly but he was too young to really understand the sinister in it.  Way too young to know the tickling meant more to his uncle than to himself.

It wasn’t until he was thirteen that the real abuse started.  ‘I’ll look after him, you go out and enjoy yourself Sandy,’ he would say to Steve’s mother.  What a good brother in law he was.

Not.

Sandy would be grateful of the time out with the girls.  Nothing could bring her husband back, but a little light relief with some very close friends would at least make her feel human.  If that was possible when you had lost the one thing that had made you feel whole. 

Once Sandy was out of the way uncle Jarvis would give Steve’s older brother Matt some money ‘Go out with your friends, get drunk.  This is England all the kids are doing it.  See you in a few hours.’ The best uncle ever.   Matt hadn’t suffered at the hands of his uncle like Steve had.  Maybe because dad was still around when Matt was six.  Maybe it was too dangerous.  Maybe he was too old when dad had died to be groomed or maybe he was not as soft as Steve, who knows? Steve pondered these questions nearly every day of his childhood.  These questions are ones that children should never have to ask.

The door would close on those nights and Steve’s stomach would drop.  He knew what was coming.  The mental and physical pain.  Along with the threats of violence if anyone would ever find out.  ‘I’ll tear your heart out you little fuck! No one will believe you; I bet your mother wishes she was you right now.  The slut,’ the last bit hurt Steve the most.  His mother was nothing but amazing.  She helped Steve and his brother Matt through the most difficult period of their life when they lost their father.  She stood strong when they lost the rock of the family.  She never let them see her cry but he was sure she waited until they had gone to bed before grieving her husband’s death.

Steve accepted he would die if he spoke of the suffering that was being laid out by the hands of his uncle.  He often thought about calling the police.  Yeah that was a good one.  If only he could pick up the phone and dial 999, that would have made life so much easier.  The person who was raping him was no other than detective Jarvis Jacobs.  One of the best in the business, he was well loved by everyone on the force.  He had a case success rate of 95% and the 5 % left; well he was working on at the time.

They would never believe the boy who had lost his father.  He would be an attention seeking kid his uncle promised to make him out to be.  Uncle Jarvis was right.  No one would believe him.  He was doomed to suffer like this until he was old enough to not be the liking of his uncle’s sick sexual taste or detective Jarvis Jacobs died.

As his older brother Matt went out with money in his hand and excited for his night with friends, Steve knew that the second option would be the one that would free him.  At thirteen years old Steve knew his uncle must die.  And be killed is exactly what happened to Jarvis Jacobs.  What Steve didn’t know is that it would spark off events in the future that would terrify him to the very core of his adult being and change his life forever.

Chapters

1

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Karamak wrote 1 day ago

What a great start to a book your first chapter really pulls the reader in love it have W/L to read more tomorrow 6* Karen, Faking it in France.

Philthy wrote 3 days ago

Hi Graeme,
I owe you a return read. So sorry it’s taken me this long to get here. Been swamped lately. Below are my findings/comments. They are of course my humblest opinions, so please take them for whatever they’re worth and disregard what you disagree with.
Prologue
I have to admit, I’m not a fan of beginning a story with a nebulous pronoun. “He” doesn’t connect the reader to the character in any way, and if your goal is to bring the reader in and allow him/her to experience what you MC experiences, this is counterproductive. I see authors do this presumably to enhance the drama or buildup of tension. I think it serves the opposite purpose, and can be a detriment to your flow. Might be a personal opinion, but something to consider.
“wasp in a jam jar” Is the jar full of jam? Because if it is, I wonder if a wasp would really be that enraged.
“He had no chance of getting him off. He was too strong.” You can’t use two versions of “him” and expect it to be clear to the reader who you’re talking about. Again, this scene is kind of weak, because I have no context of what you’re talking about.
The paragraph that starts with “Steve Jacobs” is much stronger than the prior paragraph. You might consider dropping that one and starting here. Again, might be personal preference, but I’m not sure that first paragraph does anything for you.
I’ll be honest, this isn’t my typical read, but I can appreciate what you’ve done here in molding the frame of a captivating, emotional tale. You do a great job of setting the groundwork for the reader to sympathize with the MC, which is crucial in this type of story. My biggest suggestion is to tighten the writing. At times it gets excessively wordy, and tightening things might really make things pop better.
A nice start to what I’m sure is an excellent story. I can see why this is doing so well here. Best of luck.
Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

Adeel wrote 35 days ago

An excellent, well written book with good narrative and engaging story. The pitch is well constructed with fascinating description. Really an interesting and hooking book. Highly starred.

Sharda D wrote 37 days ago

Hi Graeme,
here returning your read of Mr Unusually's Circus of Dreams. Thanks again for that.

Stonking first chapter!! Absolutely phenomenal. Just the right balance between emotion and detachment to get this story line across, a difficult balance to get right, but oh how right you got it!!! I was ready to kill Steve's Uncle myself, the bastard! And I'm usually a pacifist/bleeding-heart liberal!
Lovely cliff-hanger at the end of Chp1 and Chp2.
I like the smoothly handled leap forward in time. There is a brooding atmosphere underlining everything which parallels Steve's feelings about his abuse - deftly captured. Well done.
I can't fault any of it. It's fab. I have no shelf space at the moment, but I'll give you 6 stars now and keep you on my Watchlist just in case some space comes up.
All the best,
Sharda.

johnpatrick wrote 85 days ago

Hello Graeme,
Chaps 1-3.
Great premise-sounds entertaining from the word go.
Generally-it delivers the hook, the intrigue and suspense swiftly and opens up the narrative by chap 3 so that it is unpredicable and the reader is ready for the journey.
My points to consider Why him? early chance for italics to suggest internal thoughts?
rage image weakened by association with 'jam jar'
'that was being laid out' understand what you are conveying but sounds clumsy.
'she would mourn' this brings me into the POV-omnipotent 3rd person. It adds distance betw the MC and reader so that any empathy generated has to come from described events and also can be confusing as in the first chapter I wasn't sure if it was from a 13 yr olds perspective or an adult. Words like 'groomed' then stuck out as being unlikely for a 13yr old.
These are just my points, offered constructively. The story is great and the narrative could be tightened up.
On my WL for now.
All the Best,
John
Dropping Babies (appreciate a return read if possible)
P.s Have you backed your own book? Haven't seen that before but 'Respect'!

Ashy wrote 104 days ago

An excellenbt read. Well done!

Michelle Todd-Davison wrote 105 days ago

No idea if I've done the star rating right, my phone doesn't seem to like it. But I've started book tonight up to chapter 16 and totally hooked, love it x

Wanttobeawriter wrote 108 days ago

THICKER THAN WATER
This is a story with dramatic beginning. It automatically makes Steve a sympathetic character; someone a reader wants to follow to see this bad childhood will affect the rest of his life. Alex is a second good character. Your fluid writing style makes this, overall. an easy read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Brash Von Doom wrote 110 days ago

Sick... love it!!!

TDonna wrote 111 days ago

Graeme, you hit it bull's eye from the start. You've got the hook. You've got the backstory. You've got the reader emotionally charged. You established the connection with Steve from the beginning. The plot moves at the right pace. Also, I like the chapter endings and the suspense. Best wishes!
TDonna Robison
No Kiss Good-bye
(My book is a true-life novel about an unexpected immigration out of Romania to the U.S. at fourteen through amazing circumstances. Thanks!)

zanon wrote 112 days ago

This has a great beginning. I really enjoyed it.

rubyslippers wrote 113 days ago

wow graeme - fab!! I feel like a proud mam . . clearly not that old x

clarkey1964 wrote 114 days ago

Really enjoyed the first few pages Graeme, spelling and grammar need work, but the story really drew me in and looking forward to the end, thought I'd add a comment before I go any further. Great

clarkey1964 wrote 114 days ago

Really enjoyed the first few pages Graeme, spelling and grammar need work, but the story really drew me in and looking forward to the end, thought I'd add a comment before I go any further. Great

finbar1 wrote 114 days ago

great story

ShebaDiva2 wrote 114 days ago

A powerful cover, of course. The story is also very strong and not for the faint-hearted. The writing is good and pacy and keeps the reader on their toes. Chapter 4 is gruesome but effective. The mystery kept me reading. I must find out what will happen. Good, gripping writing.

Sue50 wrote 125 days ago

Super looking cover! Great 1st chapter. Happy to back your work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
Sue50

Muggers wrote 201 days ago

Read some more of this book and it's getting better. Keep going Graeme, I'd like to know what happens next!

micktommyord wrote 338 days ago

Fantastic start to the story, very good portrail of all the main characters. I want the rest of the book now. once i started reading i couldn't stop. I noticed a couple of spelling and punctuation errors. But the concept of the whole piece is excellent. i look forward to reading the finished product.

Mike

swinl03 wrote 342 days ago
FlyingHigh wrote 344 days ago

What a way to start a book - you really root for the main character and want things to get better for him but know they aren't going to but still read on in the hope they do. I've got to find out. Please!

billysunday wrote 344 days ago

Really like this. Good dialogue and a great way of letting the reader into Steve's mind. My only criticism is the punctuation with the dialogue: no periods or commas after the speaker talks. Great job and highly recommend.
Dina of Halo of the Damned and The Last Degree

billysunday wrote 346 days ago

Read your first chapter and this is staying on the shelf. Very, very powerful in an unpretentious, quiet, and page-turning way. You've got a knack for getting the reader to turn the page-which of course, is everything. Will continue to read and comment. Will rate once finished. So far, am very impressed.
Dina of Halo of the Damned and The Last Degree

monicque wrote 347 days ago

Hi Graeme!!

I'm back here to read through and give you my comments on "Thicker than water." I did have a look a few days ago, and quickly read through chapter 1, but I didn't have time to leave a good comment.

Firstly, I love the eye cover.!

OK.. when he said 'the slut', did that hurt the most?? And if she was so amazing, why didn't steve tell her what was going on??

Where you say "the person raping his nephew was detective jarvis jacobs" I think you need to change this, because it sounds like 'his nephew' was not steve. Say instead: My rapist was a cop, detective Jarvis Jacobs. or something like that...

And when matt went out with his friends - wasn't matt 10 years old? I thought he was, because that's how I thought you described it...

And yeah! I like the revenge at the end of the first chapter. That bastard should die.

As I think I said before though.. it's pretty sad, and I think for some people, it may be too emotional. I already gave you a high star rating, and I will read on for a bit....

Thanks for sharing, and best wishes for your succes.
Monicque x

mrsdfwt wrote 350 days ago

Graeme,
The beginning is gripping and you have good introductions to what's going on in little Steve's life. The reader gets the general idea, and more info would be irrelevant. Good job.
Chapter four is bit raw. Good plot, but i would have loved to read the policewoman's thoughts before the killer starts Fantasizing about his next move. Being a cop, badly injured and in the car with the perp, she must've been in terrible pain while at the same time, feeling helpless. Where was her gun when he took her by surprise? Is she having any thoughts of getting away? The horror of what happened in her house from her POV. Why was she so vulnerable?
I'd like to be able to get into the killer's mind a bit more before the scene with the eye.
Then again, just my thoughts :)
Overall though, a very good read.
Maria
Dark of the Moon

LadyRachel wrote 351 days ago

Dying to read the rest of it :-)

Norton Stone wrote 351 days ago

Please take these comments as a single voice from an unpublished writer. I read to chapter 3 and thought where CH 1 was economical and dealt with the reason for the story perhaps CH2 was overly long with explanation. After a first draft I go back and hack out everything that doesn't advance the story eg a side character's back story. (I could be terribly wrong of course so tread your own path). It is surprising how little you need of that stuff if the central thread of the story is strong. Your book cover is excellent and the pitch drew me in. Towards the end of Chapter 3 I noticed sentences starting with. Sitting Pulling Inserting Lifting. As the followed each other closely it was obvious. If that was intended from a style perspective fine that is your call, but I noticed it. The subject matter of child abuse is explored in a number of books on Authonomy. I admit my own covers the area as well, in some detail at times. Putting it up front in the first chapter might cause people to categorise your book. That can work for you or against you. You might get a strong core sympathetic audience but put off a wider one. It's a judgement call. Good luck

monicque wrote 353 days ago

omg. this is so sad.. :(
Well written! Thanks for sharing. I will read on...
If you get time, check out "The Multiple Choice" in some ways, it's similar to your book, but the mc dies in the first chapter. Best wishes for your success. Highly rated, very good work. :)

AlexzandraGoode wrote 355 days ago

Hi there,

i've spent the last half an hour reading through this - impossible, I know, but I've been tearing through authonomy lately now that my A Levels are over, just enjoying the books, and your pitch certainly intrigued me. I think any mention of a girl losing an eye creates that instant tension, where you don't want to think about it but you have to find out. Your prologue was gripping and well written and a perfect prelude to the rest of the book, which certainly has well developed characters, if a few small grammatical errors, but they're always fixed with edits. Although it's not really my genre, I enjoyed what you've uploaded although I think I'd probably enjoy it most as a film or a dark and gritty BBC TV series, maybe starring a mature Freddie Highmore as Steve.

All the best with this, star rated appropriately!

Alex
F.M.F.

Brash Von Doom wrote 356 days ago

So far an interesting read (with a slight over obsession with advising on the age of you characters on introduction). That niggle aside, it is an immensely readable narrative, taking this reader on a suspenseful journey through the interweaving lives of the principle characters. Fast paced, good structure and a plot that doesn't shirk away from some disturbingly dark themes.There is a lot of promise here and mre than that, a genuine story telling talent. I have been drawn in to the extent I want to know more about the characters lives and am filled with anticipation of more complex interweaving plot developments in the offing. Well done, you have a winner with this one.

Elizabeth Blade wrote 356 days ago

Just want to say I see your book is getting popular an shooting up sky high in the rankings!! Congratulations. I see you almost have 5 stars. Won't be long now before you reach six stars. I know I gave your book 5 stars. I will give it a six when its published. :-p

All the best! take care!

Muggers wrote 357 days ago

Love the book. It's definitely a page turner and I can't wait to read more. I read a lot of Dean Koontz and I like your style of writing Graeme, it has a similar suspense feel about it. Your characters are very likeable and I feel like I know them well! Keep writing more.

Always bright wrote 357 days ago

I have read the first chapter and rated and WL. It's something i believe would keep me intterested. Good job! If you get a chance take a look at Illusions of Comfort. Thanks
Always J

Stephanie L. Prater wrote 359 days ago

This was a truly enjoyable read! I never once minded reading on a computer, which is something I usually notice on this site, and I think that's the sign of a good writer, more than any of the other things I have in mind to list about this piece. You made me forget I was reading! Before I gush though in chapter two you started to swap between past and present and it effected flow. If you kept it all past with -ed ending verbs this would have been an even more breezy read than it already was. I was captivated by the realism in chapter one. You handled tone and the emotions like a pro, I thought. The narration was very strong and I already feel endeared to Steve. Steve and Alex's back and forth was wonderful to read. You capped off chapter two with a great bit of intrigue. Now I'll just have to read more :) I'm rating this very well and backing it.

Timmy42 wrote 361 days ago

Hello Graeme

Have had a look at the first few chapters of your book. So far very good, looking forwards to reading the rest.

Take care

Timmy
The Angel Project

dannymckune wrote 362 days ago

Hi Graeme,

Had the chance to read another couple of chapters and some of the other comments you have received are right - each one is a page turner! Intriguing end to chapter one with the numbers, hmmm? What's that all about? I take it the numbers had to have been written from inside the car, that would be creepy! If so, then I think you should possibly make reference to it in the text to heighten the intensity.

There are a few grammatical errors too which could be off putting to the more experienced reader but a good edit will fix that so I wouldn't worry! We are all learning as we go.

But so far I'm really enjoying it. Your short, punchy sentences are a great style you seem to make your own but you might have to think are you offering too much factual information to your reader, would you want them to find this out for themselves through your dialogue? Just something to think about.

Starred and happy to continue reading on.

Take care mate, hope the kids aren't driving you too crazy?!

Danny
Hidden in the Shadows

Stephs9 wrote 362 days ago

I would define a good/briiliant book based on the following; The fact that when you read you don't want to put it down. You know every page you turn will grip you even more than the last, you find yourself saying, "Just one more chapter!" And before you know it, its 1am and you have devoured the full book!

This is exactly what i thought and is exactly what happened to me when reading this. This is a truly magnificent book so far in my opinion and I love how thought provoking it is. Keep up the good writing,

Rated your book and backed it :o)

Caroline Vimla wrote 362 days ago

I like your plot so much. Every chapter is just intriguing.

Mark Kirkbride wrote 364 days ago

Hi Graeme, I read a lot on this site but I can honestly say I was looking forward to this one, and I wasn't disappointed. This is the business.

Mark, The Devil's Fan Club

dannymckune wrote 364 days ago

Graeme,
I made a start and had a read of your prologue.
It's an interesting concept, the abusive uncle who is a police detective killed by the abused that would ultimately trigger terrifying events in the future. It's an intriguing end to the prologue that makes you want to read on. Did Steve kill his uncle? Hmmm? Or was it somebody else, I wonder, and how could it possibly trigger some terrifying events?
My only feedback so far would be the giving of money to his brother, who it appears you make to be around aged 10 at the time, to purchase alcohol and stay out late with his friends? Would an adult who wanted to appear responsible and trustworthy let a 10 year old out late at night? I understand in the story you want Matt out of the picture but this may need re-looking at. Also I was confused with the "time was a great healer and alcohol a great time consumer" sentence - I don't think you need it.
Don't want to offend and merely offering some kind suggestions pal :o)
Danny
Hidden in the Shadows

Rog50 wrote 365 days ago

Awesome cover! Very descriptive....just the way I like it. Happy to back your work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
Rog50

Elizabeth Blade wrote 366 days ago

I have now finished the book. It was a excellent read... very well done!!

Elizabeth Blade wrote 366 days ago

Just thought I would tell you i am almost finished reading your book.. This book is so amazing.. The way you describe things is excellent and to a tea..

It is like a movie running in my head and each picture is daunting than the next.. It keeps you on edge and wanting to know more.. Its sad I only have two more chapters to read.. But I won't give away how many stars I will give you. I will save that until the end. :)

Elizabeth Blade wrote 366 days ago

Just thought I would tell you i am almost finished reading your book.. This book is so amazing.. The way you describe things is excellent and to a tea..

It is like a movie running in my head and each picture is daunting than the next.. It keeps you on edge and wanting to know more.. Its sad I only have two more chapters to read.. But I won't give away how many stars I will give you. I will save that until the end. :)

Elizabeth Blade wrote 368 days ago

i just have to tell you I am up to page 4.. It is simply amazing.. I have enjoyed it from the world go.. I will be reading some more tomorrow.. It is getting late here..

I promise i will give a more in depth comment once the book is finished.. But I am enjoying it. I wish it was a book and I had a bookmark.. :-p but i will be making a note what I am up to, All the best!!

J.S.Watts wrote 368 days ago

A potentially gripping opening. Had you thought of writing it more from the point of view of the six and then thirteen year old? That could really add to the drama and the visceral punch of the piece.

Also I stumbled across a slightly odd turn of phrase in the prologue. Do you mean alcohol is a great ‘consumer’ or should that read consoler ? Also, the ten year old brother (plot-wise Steve still seems to be six at this point)being encouraged to go out and get drunk seems odd? Maybe go to the cinema or hang out with friends would come over as more credible.?

In chapter one you have some mixed tenses that need addressing “It had been fifteen years…” – “He’s still to this day…”

Hope the above is of some assistance.


J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

Andi Brown wrote 369 days ago

Hi Graeme,
As promised, I read a few chapters of Thicker than Water. It's excellent. What a fast, engrossing read. Kudos. You've got your characters and your plot down. I gave you five stars. Hope you can see your way to do the same for ANIMAL CRACKER.

Good luck with it.
Best,
Andi

B A Morton wrote 369 days ago

Graham
I've just read all your posted chapters. The pitch was good and I liked the premise, evil psycho killer pitted against hero with secrets of his own. The chapters in the killer's POV worked well, he's creepy and unhinged so the fact that you didn't labour on his emotions or motives worked. The chapters in Steve's & Alex's POV contained a lot of backstory which slowed the pace a little, maybe some of that could be integrated as you go along. The chapter detailing how bad Danny was, kind of gave the game away before you gave the hook that he had a beard. There's a lot of shifting tense and passive voice but nothing that a good edit wouldn't sort out. I'm also not convinced about the references to real life cases.
Having said all that, I did read to the end because I was intrigued, you put good hooks at the end of your chapters to keep the pages turning and you have quite a few things going on...The murder of the abusive uncle. The mystery of Steve a man who doesn't need to work, lives in a posh apartment but chooses to work in a restaurant. What else has the killer got against Steve? and what's Alex not saying? I like twisty turny plots so I liked this one, and judging by your pitch it's going to get twistier...
Best of luck
Babs

JBradders wrote 370 days ago

I'm not a great big reader but I was gripped from the very start of thicker than water and was wanting more and more and struggled to stop at the end of each chapter i always wanted more. Great work Graeme keep it coming

ringa ding dong wrote 371 days ago

got me in an instance can't wait to read more i've even started to take a tourch with me on a nightime just so i can check my car before i get in. Give me more you crazy whippet

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