The Baggage Carousel

Hello, Dave.

Well, I came back to tell you how good this is :) Truly, I enjoyed every word, every sentence. There are some wonderfully funny moments, some very touching moments and a few horrific moments ... the magpies, the baby seal, the poor cat!

This is a story of discovery, I think. One man's journey, how he starts out and what makes him the way he is. What he meets along the way, how he deals with it, and how it changes him - sometimes well and sometimes not so. He's human, moulding the good and the bad .. and I think that resonates with all of us .. none of us are perfect.

I can understand Amber's reluctance, I think I would've done the same.

So many emotions ... happy, secure, sad .. I cried through most of C52.

It will take something exceptional to remove this from my shelf. I want to hold this book in my hands, Mr Ocelot, make it so.

Michelle :)

Clever, witty writing. I've thoroughly enjoyed your first few chapter and laughed out loud in many places. Love the reference to Sarko and the idea of calling a backpack Slobodan Milosovic. Great MC, good pace and I look forward to reading on soon.

Melanie
La Vie en Rosé

Reading this for pleasure ... and it's still f***ing brilliant ... bastard!

I read up to chapter15 then 62 through to 69. I will keep this short, you are one hell of a writer, a lot more than a little clever, with great insight of human nature. Sorry could not read all but have promised many other reads. Oh yes this gave me many laughs, have met and thought the same so many times. The highest of stars and will put you on my best reads list on my page.

Portraits..Phil.

I was put onto this by a friend and he clearly knows me well. I thoroughly enjoyed what I've read so far. Your quick wit and humour are refreshing and very real.

Best of luck, I hope it goes far.

J.

Read some of this today ... f***ing brilliant! My mate told me to read it, she said it reminded her of my book .. I'm guessing she means the conversational tone 'cos that's about as close as it gets. This is way better than mine!

You have such an easy way with the writing and there are some gems in there. The argument over the cheese was priceless and even though I shouldn't have laughed - the fight that follows (well not the fight) but the swinging doors - masterful. And the seeing old ladies across the road - laugh out loud funny ...

On my shelf as soon as I get a space - probably in a couple of months - such is life on Authonomy atm.

Mick

enjoyable read, though my genre is different. i appreciate humor and strong wit! great title, too....
j
what every woman should know

Fragly, I can't get past the blurb. I bet you write up a storm, but I'm not interested in people falling apart.

Hi Dave,
I love the humour and the intelligent wit.
Scott.

I started reading this an hour ago - sooo good. I must be getting into 'men' books .. haha. I'm going to take Helianthus's advice and read it all ... so, I may be back with more, or not.

Worthy of my shelf :)

Michelle

Ok, I've read all 69 chapters of it now. When I read this some months ago, it had a very different feel. I really liked this guy then. This time, you made it more clear to me why I wouldn't be returning his calls. Outside of the instances of animal cruelty, I enjoyed this book very much. The writing is just superb and the storyline is bright, insightful and engaging.

Anyone who reads a little of this should just go ahead and read it all - it's worth reading.

I have some typos I'll send you in a message if you'd like them.

Excellent wit!

I like the humour of your pitch. I was left wanting a few more details, and wish you’d use that precious space to tell me a bit more about our man, and the idiocies ahead of him.

Wonderful start to the first chapter, with a great sense of style and wit - and misery, let’s not forget that. His seething anger and lovely delusion that he has this totally under control is a very promising bomb that will blow up spectacularly later, this we can assume. It’s purely a question of how and when. This is going to be fun.

well done! best wishes with this.
admiringly, from
Eileen Kardos
The Noodle Trail

Dave,

As you keep following me around the forum, I thought I'd check out your book. Pretty impressive for a toaster.

The 'Yay its good bit!'

Irreverant, engaging, very very funny. I'm glad I live alone as I was cackling like a maniac. Dan is brilliant, I love his humour, kind of like Bill Bryson on speed. My particular favourite was "Twatface or Slobodan Milosevic". Kudos,too, for keeping Amber entertaining while managing to retain her own voice throughout. Two main characters I already love and want to spend more time with.

The 'Things I picked up on, or that confused me' bit

"Cracking the spine like a late term abortion." Eurgh. Just, eurgh.

Chapter 3 - "A chicken feet"?
Chapter 4 - "Kid's leather" Do you mean kid leather, or the leather of a child?

The only real issue I'm having with this is workign out when the different plots take place. So we have the initial chapter, the SEVEN MONTHS EARLIER. In this part, I'm confused. Dan is writing e-mails having not long ment Amber, and is describing what he is doing having returned home, presumably just after this. Amber is telling the story from before she met Dan? Each bit works independently, but its a little fuzzy until you get a few chapters in as to when each bit is happening.

Overall, though, brill. Will keep watching. Will consider future shelving. Will now be giving lots of stars.

Hi Dave, as promised, I've re-read 9 chapters of this. I remember reading it ages ago and I' sure the begining has changed. Anyway, I love the introductory chapter, it really sets the whole thing up. Dan's character is wry, dry and totally believable. I'm honestly sure that I commented before, because I remember making notes about never having seen a book written in this way before. E-mails as self contained chapters, very clever and very effective. I think you're a really able writer with an obvious gift at comedic scenes. I think this will do really well, and hey, Kudos to Rob Row eh? What an honour it must be to get someone who puts so much effort in for you. I'll get back and read more later. I promise. x PS - I forgot to mention the realism in your writing. Excellent.

Hi Dave,

As promised, I'm checking our your book. I've read a few chapters and I've found your writing very impressive. You use some very interesting phrases, and definitely aren't the type who relies on cliches (READ: ME). It seems as though I should possibly get lost in your characters rambling narrative, but instead it is amusing, thought-provoking, and brings up questions as to what exactly is going on.

Dan seems subtly unhinged, especially in his first email to Amber. It seems he's only known her a few days and yet he's pouring out his life story and all these strange and weird details that it seems people who've only known each other a few days would never tell one another-- even if they did roll in the sheets. I'm not saying you should change it, because it seems in character. But I can see that Dan is definitely a strange one-- but then considering that he considers his bag to be a living entity and has named it Patty, that's not surprising.

Anyway, I don't usually read books like this, but I'll have to come back for more snippets as time allows. It's definitely interesting, and I'll shelve it for a bit next month.

xx Jasmine

Hi Dave:

As promised, here are a few final observations about your book.

Had I discovered The Baggage Carousel in the fiction department at my local Barnes and Nobel I would have--after reading the first few pages--bought it immediately. The writing in and of itself would be worth the price of purchase. But the book is so much more than that. The main character, Dan, is a thoroughly interesting individual whose wry observations on the vagaries of life are priceless. He is a highly credible character, as are the other members of the cast. The book's plot is sound, and the pace is just right--moving things along quickly. I admired the structure of the novel, too, with its non-linear framework that, at times, reminded me of Isherwood's "Goodbye to Berlin." I can honestly say that had I paid for and finished reading The Baggage Carousel in a few days I would not have felt in the least cheated in any way.

But even so I would have had a few mild reservations about this particular piece of literature. The novel seemed a little short to me, and there were sections that could have been fleshed out further; I'm thinking of a few slight chapters where family relationships were hinted at but never explored, where an important friendship with Tommy was left largely undefined. I don't believe it would require much extra work to remedy these minor deficiencies, but, as I said at the start, I can accept the book as a fait accompli. The final comment has more to do with me as a reader than it has to do with the ending of The Baggage Carousel. I wanted to meet Amber in the end, to witness some kind of interaction between her and Dan.

I know Authonomy picked The Baggage Carousel as "One to Watch," and it is certainly that: an excellent, well-crated novel brimming over with exciting language. I wish nothing but success for it and for you in your future writing endeavors. You're a genuine talent, Dave.

Best,
Rob

Ch. 66: I wasn’t sure that snapping back to Amber’s recollection of this time spent with Dan was going to work, juxtaposed as it is so closely to the end of the book, but her observation of his violent nature is revealing; and yet it calls much into question. I’m still not sure I can trust Amber’s perception—perhaps because I’ve been inside Dan’s head for so long. At any rate, this chapter works, and it succeeds in propelling me to the conclusion.

Ch. 67: A brief, poignant chapter, and yet I feel as if there are things I don’t understand, things, perhaps, I am not meant to understand. At this moment a question comes to mind: Is this clever plotting on the author’s part or deliberate obfuscation?

Ch. 68: A well-written, interesting chapter with familiar denouement characteristics. I’ve got to read the last chapter to see how this one works in the general scheme of things.

Ch. 69: A brilliant final chapter. I love everything about it—the writing, the sentiments, the awkward—perhaps temporary—reconciliation with his mother.

I enjoyed your book immensely, Dave, but before making a final comment I’d like to ponder over it a bit, let the entire feeling of the thing permeate my thoughts and emotions. I will say that I think that it more than deserves publication—for whatever that’s worth.

Rob

I love Wales. I go there regular but I didn't know it only exist to provide "Scale". Interesting.

I love Wales. I go there regular but I didn't know it only exist to provide "Scale". Interesting.

Ch. 61: “Tommy didn’t have a dad at all, at least not one that he or his mother could ever put a name or face too.”
“The followed a silence as wide and dry as Australia . . .”
It’s interesting to learn about Tommy’s childhood and his upbringing by his mother. Knowing that he left England two years after her death and had become relatively successful in Australia anchors him in the reader’s mind in a significant way. His explanation of why he treated Dan’s mother with kindness back at The Railway Tavern is fascinating because it makes it seem like something he’s thought about over all these years.

Ch. 62: “March that year came mild, and Tommy and I could hold off now longer.”
This is a great image: “She practically popped a bottle top on the side of his coffin.”
It’s especially meaningful that Dan has the insight to recognize that his memories of his mother are selective; and his relating a few that he conveniently left out of his recollections gives us a whole new insight into what may have brought his mother down.

Ch. 63: Exceedingly well-written chapter, full of the kind of revelations that punch you in the gut and rob you of the anger you were feeling previously on Dan’s behalf.

Ch. 64: Not sure what to make of this chapter; obviously a segue, but not especially momentous.

Ch. 65: “a Stoner Barbie accessory.” Funny image.
Good. Dan has finally caught sight of her, and her burn on the colander has reminded him of something that is going to prove significant.

I’m going to hold off on plunging into the last four chapters to savor what I’ve just read and to consider where the narrative is headed. Still enthralled with the unraveling, and really wondering how dark Tommy’s intentions really are. And what the hell’s he doing buying a balloon, for God’s sake?

Ch. 51: “She sat an expectedly safe distance away from the font . . .”
Very moving moment when Dan says that he loves the twin (Esther, perhaps) because she’s sitting there with him at his grandmother’s funeral, and she didn’t really have to show up.
“She is my mother, after all.” Great, simple line; says everything.
“Oh, I remembered the last time I saw her . . .” Fantastic hook for the follow-up.

Ch. 52: Christ, this is an excellent chapter—well written and poignant. It made me incredibly sad for Dan, but also for his mother. And it made me like Tommy a lot. The only thing that seemed out of place was the line “Now there is also Amber, somehow in the middle of all this.” It seemed intrusive.

Ch. 53: “I sat at the same distance someone might sit from a man wearing a beard of bees” made me laugh aloud.
Excellent chapter. The meeting with the mother is filled with the kind of tension that makes you ill, yet fascinates you. The scene at the reception is done well, objectifying the grief Dan hasn’t felt.

Ch. 54: I like this image: Amber hanging her coat on the chair, it slipping to the floor, and she’s the only one around to pick it up. Sadly touching.
I’m really surprised. It is Amber, after all, who suggests a relationship. Nice touch; it really works. Now I’m totally confounded. Has something happened to her? Is she still alive? Is she so needy she’s gone and found herself another guy?

Ch. 55: This short chapter works really well. It is just the right length for the kind of reflection Dan has about his grandmother; anything more would be too much. And I really love the penultimate line: “My Grandma also bequeathed me a modest sum of money, and I have unwisely chosen to invest it in my past.”

Ch. 56: Good email exchange.

Ch. 57: Cogent chapter; highly credible. Julie’s leaving him for another man is like another piece fitted into the jigsaw puzzle that is Dan’s life. More things makes more sense now. Really well-written drunk scene, especially the pounding of the vagrant.

Ch. 58: I marvel at the insights in this brief chapter, and I’m getting eager to see if there really will be some kind of meeting, a reconciliation of sorts. (I once flew from Saigon to Anchorage in a MAC [military air command] jet. No windows in the plane—except in the cockpit, of course.)

Ch. 59: So Dan’s off on Black Ops maneuvers, winging it towards an unsuspecting Amber. Nice line about her having something to read in the hospital.

Ch. 60: “a slap on the back that bruised my inner child.” Hysterically funny line.
It’s good to meet Tommy in his element, nice to find Dan in Sydney at last. Can’t wait to see what unfolds.

I’m really enjoying the story now, Dave, fully immersed in the unraveling. Only nine chapters to go, and already I’m feeling as if I want more. Can’t wait to discover whether Dan finds Amber alive, in the company of another man, or simply dumbfounded that she’d never heard from him in all this time. You’ve done a great job making for a compelling read.

I have noticed that our stories oddly parallel each other in ways.

Ch. 41: The brief hippo scene is great. Funny stuff regarding the Old and New Testament. As I was reading this chapter I had several thoughts: 1) Amber is reading this stuff and thinking “What a nutter this guy, Dan, is.” 2) Amber isn’t receiving the emails. Then you went and ended it with “See you next Tuesday,” which really switched the curiosity toggle.

Ch. 42: And yet—the next email picks up three weeks later. Hmm . . . I like the image of him using the zoom on an image to check her eyes for signs of doubt. Oryx, huh? http://www.hcn.org/issues/213/10797

Ch. 43: Amanda. Well, this is a surprise.
Scowling Beaver (V. funny!) Lots of misanthropic anger here. Good!

Ch. 44: Nice: Amber’s jealous of Jackie because Jackie got away from Neville. What an hysterical image: Neville staggering backward with a plastic corncob skewer in his neck! I wonder if you had Amanda/Amber kill him in an earlier draft.

Ch. 45: Spongebob Squarepants mask: hilarious! “With another child already the way . . .” (Is the bit about right-wing types leaving England for Australia over the past several decades true?)

Ch. 46: “Will it remind you off the way you emasculated me . . .” “Her is a poem . . .”
Oh, Dan’s bitter now.

Ch. 47: “Obviously its’ intended quarry . . .”
“you can always found that in old ladys’ houses . . .”
Funny stuff about dogs vs. cats. (I have a friend who says, “A friendly cat is a hungry cat.”)

Ch. 48: “Your shrieks had long been since been silenced . . .” Gruesome dream.

Ch. 49: Wow. Terribly sad chapter. An unflinching look at the reality of life.

Ch. 50: Interesting line on Amber’s part: “I like getting emails, though.” Nice wrinkle.
Funny bit about them raising the chick together, good reaction when Amber cries instead of laughs.

At this point I’m worried about Dan, Dave. I like him, yet I don’t. That’s good because complex characters usually evoke such feelings. I’m a captive reader because you’ve done such a good job of reeling me in, making me want to find out just what the hell is happening here.

Dave - read the whole thing. Loved it. The wit, the wry observations, the two distinct and equally engaging voices, the psychological depths, the truth, the lovely shape of the whole thing. Six stars and a shelf space this month from me - Fan K

I’m up to chapter twenty two. To be honest, when I began reading this, I thought, it’s not my thing. I like doom and gloom, and like to read stuff that makes me depressed. Yes. I have issues.
It made me laugh, a lot - I help old ladies to cross the street and I only ever lost one. Sometimes the gout makes it hard for them to keep pace, but I still leave flowers by her lamppost - A German named Peter puts his hand on my leg like its Poland –

Just a few of the gems that had me tittering away for hours after I finished reading.
As I read on, and got to know Dan, I realised it was more than just a laugh a minute read. There’s this underlying theme running through the story with Dan, his frustration and sadness, that isn’t made obvious to the reader.

Chapter seventeen.
I found this short chapter very powerful with a superb ending sentence - When I awoke he was dead again and I was once more lost.

A few typos I picked up on -
Chapter 16, small typo - Where Dan shared the coughette compartment with two elderly Italians and a young Nigerian.
The Italians didn’t speak a word of English but I managed to exchange a few basic pleasantries with the Nigerian – I don’t think the he’d ever been on a sleeper train……. The ‘the’ shouldn’t be there or should maybe be a ‘that.’
Chapter one. You spell compartmentalised with a z. American spelling.

Your book is really good and hard to put down. It is also very well written. I'm going to read it all.
Shame about your crap avatar.

Hello Dave-

book- the baggage carousel-

Read 17 chapters of this book in no time, that's how good it is-
It's written in a jazzy, edgy and oh so smart style- and might i say- very up to the minute-

A rollicking around the world adventure travel story, that many travellers will relate to and indeed
find it very funny, with tongue in cheek remarks-

Have to say, that i really enjoy this page turner- and feel it do well in it's target market-
I can see it flying off the racks in airport terminal-

good luck with it-

tom bye
book- from hugs to kisses-
oblige Dave and glance at mine, although to a different genre-
you might enjoy chapter 36 and 38- as near as it get to your style- thanks

Ch. 31: Serve drinks outside the bar to help you get your nerve up to go inside. That’s funny!
Amber’s shopping list—Must buy, Post-Its—reminded me, I think, of something out of Breakfast of Champions, but I can’t recall what it is right now.

“—Nah I saying, taking another pelt on the wine, relaxing a little now . . .”
I really like this chapter; it pleases me to discover that Dan and Amber are going to have some kind of relationship, but I’m still ever so curious about which kind.

Ch. 32: This chapter is amazing. I understood why Dan ran from his mother instead of facing her. I love the image of Dan later discovering his father’s old topaz shirt, reflecting on “safe” days in his father’s company. This is an extremely moving chapter.
“I folded the shirt away and placed it gently a drawer.”

Ch. 33: (I was actually in Hue once. Da Nang and Saigon [I know—Ho Chi Minh City now], too.)
“Unfortunately, I had still had the neck of my t-shirt across the bridge of my nose.”
Ha!—the giant dashboard Jesus atop Corcovado Mountain. Good one!
Am I sensing a bit more desperation in Dan’s attempt to understand Amber’s silence?

Ch. 34: Amber and Dan bonding over the idea of killing the kid is hysterical. Nice touch.

Ch. 35: I like when he quotes from his travel journal; it’s very poetic, and touching. One could never accuse Dan of not giving everything a go, eh? The way the email ends is highly credible. Poor Dan has had enough—until the next, perhaps apologetic, one.

Ch. 36: The DICK, DICK, DICK scene is mildly amusing. The set-up about which name came up in the “money owed” department, though, is intriguing.

Ch. 37: Interesting, riveting scene. I’m not sure how it fits into the framework of the novel, but I can wait to see. I’m not looking for things to unfold in a linear fashion.

Ch. 38: I suspected it was Amber who owed him; perhaps something in the pitch tipped me off. Some very funny stuff here. I especially like the image of “corduroy lines still imprinted upon his face.” (I think I’ve suffered that indignity a time or two.)

Ch. 39: A moving chapter. I’m drawn more and more (through your careful set-up) into the nature of Dan’s relationship with his parents. I feel sorry for and empathize with him; at the same time I’m aware that I may, ultimately, be disappointed in him.

Ch. 40: Amber in Dan’s t-shirt sans knickers in the TV room with Peter/Dieter. Something’s gotta give, and I suspect Dan may be involved in more fisticuffs.

I’m still really enjoying the novel, Dave. I like the way it’s pieced together back-and-forth in time.

I was sucked in by your pitches and immediately hooked upon reading the first chapter. I can't even express what a joy it is to read a book like this. Sharp wit, clever real-life anecdotes, and relatable characters coalesce to create a charming, hilarious, and twisted story. Umph, sorry to bang on and be sappy, but I really, really enjoyed this. If it makes me laugh out loud, it's an instant favourite. (: Six stars and shall be backing soon.
Thank you for sharing your talent with us!

Bre
Memoria

Ch. 23: I like this chapter a lot; it’s strongly written and it reminded me of days spent in Olongapo City, the other armpit of the world. I did have a slight sense of disorientation, though, as there seems to have been no segue to this subject matter.

Ch. 24: The scene with the Slovenian prostitute is hilarious!

Ch. 25: For the most part I enjoy the juxtaposition of longer chapters and short, but this one seemed too short.

Ch. 26: “who thoughtfully rearranges his rear view mirror so he can speak directly to my breasts.” Really funny!

Ch. 27: A bit of desperation in Dan’s message to Amber. Works.

Ch. 28: Most powerful chapter so far. I wouldn’t call it “deeply” troubling, but troubling, nonetheless. I love this image: “The old woman in the Farm Shop always kept the milk well chilled, and as you drank it you could feel the little shards of ice cracking and dissolving in your mouth. It was like swallowing nutritious glass.”

Ch. 29: I like the sentiment, but I think the chapter needs to be fleshed out a bit; perhaps just have him standing in the room looking at her?

Ch. 30: “they split of into twos . . .”
A monk text-messaging during incantations—very funny!

I'll probably take a short break before pushing on, but I will return to read and comment further.

Ch. 12: This chapter thwarts my expectations a bit, which is a good thing. Now I know they’re going to have some kind of relationship, I just don’t know which type to expect.

Ch. 13: Really like the first three paragraphs of this chapter; the images work well.
“They respond positively to [names], as do waitresses and dogs.”

Ch. 14: Fight scene is good, not drawn out and lingered over. Works well, and seems credible, because it happens so fast.

Ch. 15: I really got into this chapter; it’s well written, and the wry humor is appealing. It also raises a thought that was only inchoate before this point: knowing what I do (so far) about Amber’s mental acuity, I wonder if Dan’s email efforts aren’t somewhat wasted on her.

Ch. 16: This chapter takes on a slightly menacing tone that alters the narrative in a noticeable way. It works to put tension into the story. Dan’s attitude toward Amber’s (supposed) lack of communication has a new twist.

Ch. 17: The brevity of this chapter surprised me. I genuinely wished it was longer, more detailed. The insight into Dan’s relationship with his father is important, but it ends too quickly.

Ch. 18: Amber’s reaction to the prison and its history seems especially superficial, and now I’m really wondering what Dan sees in her. Perhaps he’s so lonely that he doesn’t require more; perhaps her lack of depth is appealing to him for others reasons—she represents an escape from the prison of reflection.

Ch. 19: In this instance the brief chapter works well because of the sheer depth of Dan’s insight into the human condition.

Ch. 20: Dan’s acerbic turn works very well (as you carefully built up to it). Also, I like his insights here. The scene of the unconscious German dropping that seal into the sand really riled me up. There’s a lot of power in this chapter.

Ch. 21: Amber’s wondering about whether Dan is gay really made me laugh. I like this chapter because Amber’s observations give greater insight into Dan’s personality, and he’s rounding out to be quite a complex character.

Ch. 22: The observations about the elderly twins are great, the images really memorable. The last line of this chapter is especially cogent.

I’m really enjoying the story, Dave, and the way you’ve structured the book so far works well; it’s almost as if you’ve managed to combine the immiscible linear and organic narratives together successfully. You’ve set up the tinder box of Dan’s emotions in a highly credible fashion, and now I want to witness the explosion.

Ch. 1: Off to a very successful start. The only line I balked at was “cracking its tender spine like a late term abortion.” Just didn’t work for me. All else is good. Short chapter works well.

Ch. 2: (Seven Months Earlier . . .)

Ch. 3: Vastly amusing email to Amber. A very efficient way of delivering insight into Dan’s character. Also—and I’m not sure of the aesthetic here—but often a perspective that’s askew in this way makes reality more “real.” At any rate, this chapter really works.

Ch. 4: Take this for what it’s worth. I had a writing teacher once (Tobias Wolff—very successful writer) who absolutely abhorred any pop culture reference in writing. He claimed it dated and “anchored” your work in a bad way. I’m referring, of course, to your comment about “28 Days Later.”

Ch. 5: My first thought upon hearing Amber’s voice for the first time was “she sounds a lot like Dan.” Obviously I can’t know how the story evolves at this point, but have you considered doing her in 3rd person limited?

Ch. 6: “whoppers over Whoppers” seemed a bit forced to me.

Ch. 7: “Becoming unaccountably angered by the artexed wall that seemed to her engage her attention . . . “ An oddly-touching scene with the grandmother, made me wish the chapter were a bit more substantial.

Ch. 8: I feel oddly ambivalent about Amber and Dan’s first meeting. Having been inside his head several times already I guess I expected more fireworks. I’m holding off judgment, though, as I progress.

Ch. 9: Third paragraph, first sentence: Scandanavian(s)?

Ch. 10: This really made me laugh: the image of Dan nodding off on the ascent to his tandem skydive jump.

Ch. 11: I always like it when I learn something new from a novel, and your reference to the Hays Code prompted me to Google it. I never knew before that such a code existed, governing the “moral” progress from silent to talking movies. I really like this chapter, too, because for the first time I’m beginning to suspect that there’s something weird about Dan’s “relationship” with Amber. Perhaps there was a hint of this in the first-encounter chapter.

I’ll keep reading, Dave, because I’m enjoying this—a lot more than the eight chapters or so I read of the former draft. I’m anxious to know now about this peculiar relationship, and whether it only exists in Dan’s mind. And, of course, I want to discover what Dan’s up to in general, what all this traveling is about. Your writing is quite solid, and I enjoy the clever metaphors and similes; my only qualm in this latter regard is that at times they seem a bit forced.

Rob

So, you write a song for a girl, she reads your book. I liked the Valentine particularly. Am on Chapter 13 and enjoying every word. Why don't you pimp this a little?? (Speaking of which: 'pimp rolled' needs a hyphen). It's well written, funny, poignant (I assume it'll be poignant), and very fresh.

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

I'm glad you finished this (ish). Never read it before, and now I don't want to stop. Highlights include your very original turn of phrase - 'more culture in a pot of Munch Bunch yoghurt' being my favourite so far - and Dan's dark ruminations on the various countries he visits, a nice change from the usual garbled enthusiasm travellers tend to spew forth. I'm not sure if I'd want to go to the pub with him, mind you.

I liked the switch between Dan and Amber, and his growing obsession coupled with her obvious disinterest works really well. I thought he probably would have mentioned the skydive in Namibia while they were still together, especially if she had told him she was going there. 'Cracking the spine like a late term abortion' feels far too sinister for the action you're describing. But maybe that's just me. Starred and backed, great job!

Dave, I am so very glad you buckled down and persevered with this. It has a lightness and a joy and some wonderfully dark corners.

The whole thing hangs together in a much more structured way, so that an actual storyline is apparent, which was what it was lacking before. You now have a book on your hands, rather than a series of ranting essays. It needs a sympathetic editor -- someone who will trim off the odd little bits of excess fat, and point out the few places where you have taken your eye off the ball. For instance, the first Amber chapter is still in Dan's voice, and in Ch.8 we come out of her POV when you, the author, Tell us she works as a nurse -- she wouldn't need to remind herself of that. Instead of "I work as a nurse and we're taught... etc", try something like "Did she pass?" I ask, using the polite phrase I'd been taught to use as a nurse.

I would suggest you could also do with an editor's steady hand on the throttle in Ch.6, where you veer away, in one section, from a naturalistic email into a generic authorial rant. In Ch.1 you need to change the tense from "He's flustered because the family who were at the desk before me became..." to: "He's flustered ... desk before me had been [or had become] etc".

There were some flecks of pure gold in your writing; images and phrases that couldn't be bettered: among them, the moorhen backpack; Greyfriars Bobby; and the wonderfully-observed and authentic breakfast conversations in Ch.9 -- the last three lines of which chapter were utterly brilliant.

Well done, Dave. I wish you every success with this. Backed with pleasure.

A nice, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive, dialogue are realistic with vivid charachters and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

Very entertaining, Dave. You certainly have a way with words from my very very quick perusal. On my WL and will read more as soon as I jump over my current stack!

(Not too sure about the cover - a bit too close to home for me!)

Tonia

Great read but was put off initially by the cover would prefer something less graphic, but then i'm a girl! That's my only thoughts otherwise brilliant! Would be over the moon if you would cast your eye on mine.
Karamak Faking it in France

Your book cover is very disturbing, however, I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the first 8 or so chapters of your book. In fact, I kept reading and reading, laughing at your clever observations. You have a unique and sophisticated way with words. Highlights for me: the kid throwing the Tommee Tippee cup, 'tokenistic stab', the lump on his head, 'you didn't whack me one in the night, did you?', the description of the bag being violated! Ahh, so much of it really tickled my fancy.
In your pitch, you have painted Dan as quite a serious person, but I have actually found him to be quite light-hearted and funny. Perhaps he gets darker and darker as the story progresses?
I am guessing that he never hears back from Amber? Does he actually do something to her in Sydney? I guess I will have to read on to find out, but it all seems rather doomed to me.
It's a great idea, as so many of us have holiday flings and never expect it to be anything more, but I guess what is really intriguing is what happens if one person really does want something more? I want to know what extremes he is going to take it to.
I just had to put it on my shelf and hope to read more when I have more time!

Dear David

I just read the first nine chapters of "The Baggage Carousel" and then, I confess, read the last chapter posted, as I wondered where Dan might end up. I have been highly amused and entertained throughout. Thank you!

It is not often that a piece of writing is as original, fresh, funny, articulate and well observed as this, with a new, often twisted, laugh every line or so. Your imagination seems to be boundless and the result is immensely readable. Atmospheric, interesting and unusual, this is a book to read either very slowly, or several times. It is one of my new favourites.

All the very best to you, in your progress through the ranks! Meantime, top marks.

Fran Macilvey xx :)

Knew I'd like it from the tags - and the opening chapters don't disappoint! Contemporary, humorous vignettes from a sharp-eyed traveller. Looking forward to getting back to it. On my list.

Sharp, witty and totally engrossing. On my watch list and high stars awarded. Yours Bea

Hi Dave, not my normal genre but one thing this site has taught me, is to try all genres because occasionally there's a gem.

Ok, Chapter 1, very funny and although Dan is very troubled and somewhat on a serious downer, I fancied him. However by the time I'd got to the end of his letter in Chapter 3, I thought he was a little woosie, lol.

Starred and backed.

SJ
p.s. what's with the 36, at the start?

Very funny. I can easily relate to Dan and his countless woes. Great writing.

Wow, what can I say that hasn't already been said before. I can see why the Editor recommended reading this. The humour is razor sharp, nicely dark in places. Warning though, never read it whilst eating cornflakes unless you want to end up in A&E! I loved the description of the Patty Hearst backpack gorging it's contents on to the carousel. I get the feeling from the beginning chapters that poor Dan is beginning to slip into paranoia about the lack of email replies from Amber. Kind of like talking to yourself I suppose. The Baggage Carousel is something I would happily download on to my Kindle to savour at leisure. No less than six stars.

By the way, the cover is fabulous. Kind of draws your eyes to the whole thing!

Kim (Pain)

Wittily enlivening and breathtakingly original writing! You have a genius way with language and a gift for phraseology that makes me eat my writer's heart out with envy.

It’s hard to pick a favourite part of your writing of what I’ve read so far. I found it all absorbingly refreshing. But for the sake of focusing on something, I loved the chapter on Dan believing his backpack had committed suicide, and then his impressions of Dubai. I’ve come across only one other book on this site with a winsome irreverence as unique as yours.

Gems in your story: too many to list, so I’ll restrict myself to two short ones: ‘I help old ladies across the street and I only ever lost one.’ ... ‘I affectionately tousle the hair of small, passing children in an appropriate, non-Sex Register way.’

You’re a wonderful writer — entertaining beyond words. I backed this for a couple of weeks a few weeks ago and will be backing again at the end of the month. If you decide to make a run for the Desk, let me know. I’ll put it on my shelf and keep it there.

Dave, I wouldn’t want to fumble for change in a queue with your highly-strung anti-hero, Dan, behind me. His heart’s not quite right: “the bloodied shards of a fragmented heart”, and he’s got a dismissive habit of looking down at the, “troglodytes retreating to their Wetherspoons base camp”. In fact, the way he queues reminds me of John Cleese and the two Ronnie’s sketch: “I look up to him because he is upper class, but I look down on him because he is lower class”.

With an attitude like that, it’s no surprise he says he’s on a suicide mission, and like film anti-hero Travis Bickle, he has a moral justification for his behaviour regarding Amber, “I’m going to fuck her up, like she did me.”

His patience wins him extra leg room. The next chapter sends us on to chapter 4, four months earlier, and an email to Amber that shows she left him in Cape Town. On arrival, his rucksack suffers “malfeasance”, whatever that is, and the alternating email chapters continue. I see he has issues with his mother and father later. Very good. Well done.

Hi Dave

This is very amusing! Line after line I give a gentle snort and then every paragraph, a fully fledged giggle. I love your turn of phrase. i particularly liked the fact that the check in attendant was wearing too much foundation and the comment " I help old ladies across the street and I've only ever lost one".

I've put you on my watchlist and hope to promote you to my shelf in the next couple of days.

Perhaps you would take a glance at Marking Time? A satire/comedy about the English Education system and an otter.

All the best
Crispy

Dave, you are undoubtedly a very funny guy, with a splendidly refreshing turn of phrase (adhering to the Hays Code in matters of the heart was just one such gem). However, my gut feeling is that this doesn't hang together as a book as well as it would as a blog. As a book it seems lacking in necessary structure -- at least, I didn't discern one in the ten chapters I read -- and the epistolatory nature of alternative chapters suggests to me that if it were treated as a genuine real-life blog, its rambling style would suit that format very well. I would also suggest that Ch.3 was the obvious starting point.

I'll keep this on the WL and read on when time permits, and may Comment further.

Great stuff.

Am starring now and will find space on my shelf for it soon.

Good luck - not that I think you'll need it.
Dammit.

Diana
Pascual's Birthday

As you don't accept messages, thanks for the backing and comments, Jake. I fixed up that contoversial pitch -spacing issue, it actually does look a lot better!

Annoying, following the richly talented Bradley Wind when adding comments. I don't prejudge a book by reading the comments in advance; a system that occasionally lets me down when everything I had noted has aleady been mentioned by Bradley. Ah well, great minds, eh?
A couple of things bear repeating. Although I like the brevity of the pitch, its effect is diminished by the broad spacing between paragraphs. Your tags are exceptional, love the variety as we work our way through the alphabet!
A segment, (I read all you've posted here), of a clever and well crafted story. You have a gift for expression. I like this, a lot. No specific niggles as those with better editorial minds than me have already commented. On my shelf with pleasure.
Jake
Jake

Annoying, following the richly talented Bradley Wind when adding comments. I don't prejudge a book by reading the comments in advance; a system that occasionally lets me down when everything I had noted has aleady been mentioned by Bradley. Ah well, great minds, eh?
A couple of things bear repeating. Although I like the brevity of the pitch, its effect is diminished by the broad spacing between paragraphs. Your tags are exceptional, love the variety as we work our way through the alphabet!
A segment, (I read all you've posted here), of a clever and well crafted story. You have a gift for expression. I like this, a lot. No specific niggles as those with better editorial minds than me have already commented. On my shelf with pleasure.
Jake
Jake