French Roast and Lingerie

French Roast and Lingerie / Jed Oliver


Hilarious, charming and entertaining. Jed Oliver never stops doing with a pen what we all only wish we could do. He writes good clean humor. So well in fact that the creativity makes me wonder how I couldn't have spent just a little time...and come up with this myself. The fact is, I couldn't. Better still, I don't know that anyone else can. Jed Oliver, like his characters, are one of a kind.

I laughed throughout what I was able to read of 'Knut', which for you newbies was Jed's first work on here. I have to admit I wondered how he would ever top that. He's done it though.

French Roast and Lingerie features Humphrey Jameson, a man who, on a whim, decides he can be a detective almost as good as Hercule Poirot. His reasoning for this is explained in CH1 and is hilarious. It begins with details as simple as his name...Humphrey. The character just feels compelled to do something suting of the name. Plainly put, if you can read the first chapter of this book and not laugh constantly, put it down and move on to something else because humor isn't for you and I hate it for you my friend.

On the other hand, if you are one who likes to implement a bit of imagination, be constantly entertained with humor, wit, cleverly crafted scenarios of protagonist embarassement, charm and down right stupidity, well, you've come to the right place. This is Humor Writing 101!!!

'I looked over and saw the un-lit filtered cigarette dangling in her mouth which told me for sure that she was health conscious.' (or something like that) I laugh now just typing it!

'As the only heat I was packing was a pack of Kleenex.................. (This is good stuff)

I have arrived at two defintie conclusions: (in chapter 1)

If I ever attend another of those writer's conventions, I'll have to wear a disguise
and---
I'll have to ride the bus

Stop it, Jed. I'm about to pee on myself laughing so hard. I could visualize this character being played by the right person (Frank Caliendo perhaps) and busting the theatre out completely.

When I got to the end of the first chapter and read the part where Humphrey decides he will become a detective, oh my goodness that is good stuff. There was no choice to make but to read on, after, I ran and got Lisa from in front of her computer where she too was busy contracting carpal tunnel syndrone, instead of engaging in the lucrative business of being a private detective. I read her the first chapter aloud and we howled for fifteen minutes.

We're late going to dinner but I'm reading her CH2 right now! (Ok, done)
I don;t want to nit-pick but you change from calling the drum major to drum master several times in CH2. Easily fixable and again...good stuff. I get the idea I'm in for a real treat here. There's nothing like a play by play of how a famous detective, like Humphrey Jameson, gets his business started. And besides, if I ever need to buy a disguise kit, I now know the difference between Kit'A', 'B' and 'C'. Good to know that stuff.

So, back from dinner, I decided to read on. Jed, you're a wonderful talent, sir. The most admirable aspect of your work is clearly the fact that you find a way to make us laugh without the use of profanity, erotic reference or any of the methods so often used to garner a laugh nowadays. You are one of a kind. Your stories are imaginative, very creative and you follow all the rules of good literary practice with good dialogue, a balanced narrative and clean polish.

I highly recommend anyone who reads this note to check out this book. There is much more here than good clean fun. The writing is quite good as well. I certainly wish you the very best with this and look forward to seeing it in book form so I can get a copy, read it, then place proudly on my bookshelf alongside Knut, just so I can bragg that I know the author of this unique, and wonderful work.

As always, my best.

E M Delaney

To pull off funny this good is a worthy accomplishment. I’m sure all writers are aware of how difficult it is to keep a reader engaged and humored for the length of a novel. A rare feat. Jed Oliver ranks with the best of them. I laughed out loud numerous times through the eight chapters I read. The plot, in and of itself, is funny. Not only is French Roast and Lingerie funny, it possesses a kind of charm that was common in the B&W comedies of old, but with a bit more of an edge (Woody Allen comes to mind), and some clever pop culture references. The humor is, at times, slap stick, but mostly more subtle than that. If you're interested in learning how to write humor, read Jed Oliver.

Here are some minor things/issues, favorite moments, and whatevers, I encountered along the way:
“I parked my Mini-Cooper” (I instantly know this is a car) near Farbuck’s (and that this is a play on Starbuck’s without adding the other details.) I suspect that most readers will make these connections too. I realize you may have a reason for this, but as I come to chapter eight, I’ve not yet discovered one. A style thing maybe?

“As I approached the Farbuck’s…” I think because ‘Farbuck’s’ is a proper noun, you can drop the ‘the’ before it. It would sound more natural.

“Then I saw him.” I love this paragraph.

Oh my God! This is so funny! “You punk,” he said, quickly frisking me…”

“Was this guy (looney), or what?” I know this is meant to be funny coming from someone equally looney, but still it comes off as leading, and I think the paragraph is funnier without it.

“She looked up and threw her drink in my face…” Love this paragraph and the one that follows.

I got half way through the first chapter and realized you are the author of Knut. I really enjoyed that book! I’m enjoying this one just as much though. I reached the end of the first chapter and am eager to proceed to the next.

Chapter two: “Looking in the yellow pages of the phone book.” I would have said, Looking in the Yellow Pages. You probably have a reason for adding, ‘of the phone book,’ and I’m not getting it.

A typo: “Fourth (if) July parade.” I’ve notice a few places in the second chapter where it appears you are missing a space. Your word processing software should highlight those.

Chapter two does not let up in the least. I am compelled to continue. Very entertaining and nicely written.

Chapter three: “Other items out of stock…” I smile when I read humor, but I laughed out loud at this… and the next paragraph too.

“Rather than()phone, I would walk…” missing space.

“Jesus Christ! I’d like to speak to officer, Barry, then.” This cracked me up. (a comma after officer)

End of the third chapter; I’ve still got a big smile on my face. I love the narrative voice!

Chapter four: “Maybe it would scare off whoever was tailing me.” I think I’d drop this line, as it seems to tell what was just shown.

I would consider dropping “Do you remember the Yugo?” too. I’m not seeing its purpose. I agree that the Yugo offers potential laughs, but this paragraph seems to miss the mark. I like the additional two jokes in the following paragraph though.

“Half of him was in and half was out…” this whole sentence feels a bit awkward.
The last two lines; feels like too much is said.
Perhaps:
We clicked glasses.
“Here’s to you, buddy.”
End.
I’m ready for Chapter five.

Five: “If we put our hands up, we’ll spill our whiskey.” I think this is funnier without the added line.

“Please be careful fellows, we have drinks.” Maybe?

“so your whole name is Harry Kari Cary.” ‘So, your whole name is…’

I’ve noticed that you shift between, ‘said Buddy’ and ‘Buddy said.’ I think that the more you vary these tags, the more noticeable they become… distracting. Most writers today, agree that ‘Buddy said’ is preferable, because it parallels, ‘he said’ whereas ‘said Buddy’ parallels ‘said he’ which sounds archaic.

“Farbuck stores all over the country and cut them in half with chainsaws.” Humphrey just used a chainsaw to cut Cary free of his Yugo. I’d consider another device here.

“I thought about that for a while. ‘It doesn’t make any sense, Buddy.’” You may have repeated yourself in this line for effect, an old style of joke, but I think it’s better said once. Though it’s not that funny either way.
Still smiling, going into chapter six: “I walked up to the counter and ordered one regular coffee, small.” I think this is a great spot for a Starbucks joke. If you go into a Starbucks and order a small, they will argue with you that they do not sell small, or medium, or large. They will not serve you until you refer to their sizes by their given names, Grandie or whatever.

“Yes headquarters gives me a new one every ten years.” I love that one!

Chapter seven: The transition from Farbucks to the printing shop is a bit choppy.

“Would you believe it? John said, Come again, sir.” I think this would be much funnier if it simply read, ‘Come again, sir.”

“My major is elementary education.” (I nodded wisely.) should be dropped down a line.

Chapter eight: “You won’t believe this…” Consider cutting.

“…a magnificent cleavage.” Should this read, she had magnificent cleavage? Without the ‘a’?

“In less time than it took me to picture what she was doing, she was back.” I love that one.

“…slipped into her (sports) car.”

Like Knut, this was super enjoyable! Good luck with it and all future projects.
All the best, Rodney

French Roast and Lingerie
ComLit Review
Jed,
I have read 22 chapters, or about halfway through.
I find this a very fun and silly book. Unabashedly silly. It is profoundly silly. It is a materpiece of silliness. I laughed out loud several times, especially in the earlier chapters, and chuckle as I think back on it. What is perhaps more significant, I turned to it at least to help me get over being a bit down. For me this is one of the greatest compliments I can give a comedy book.
I give it six silly happy faces. Here they are:
:) :) :) :) :) :)

Hook and Plot- You plunge right into the comedy of the story, with the visit to Farbucks and the half-a-cool-look. This is so very silly that it captured me. And then you introduce the nemesis right on the first page with the FBAC. I think doing this is essential for a silly detective story- it keeps the pages turning. This plot hook is admittedly absurd, but it works wel. If that were not enough, the scene in the disguise store and the Richard Nixon gag really had me.
The plot of this book is very absurd. It is a detective story that really does not follow logical conventions, and so it would be a bit frustrating if it were not meant to be so funny. The story takes for granted the randomness of the anti-French-Roast terrorist group as well as the lingerie smuggling ring. This is not a bad thing, as the book depends on it silliness, but it is not so much curiosity of what is going to happen next that carries me forward as it is anticipation of the next joke. The consequence of this is that when I stopped reading at chapter 22, I did not feel a pressing need to find out who had done it. It is all pretty clear at this point, despite Humphrey's denseness with regards to Soong Bird. When I go back to read the second half, it will be for more laughs than for the nagging feeling of a plot arc left unfinished. The consequence of this is subtle, but significant: if you want to really hook the reader, maybe you should veil your silly story with a bit more mystery. This, however, would require a substantial reworking, and I am not sure it is the kind of thing you feel like embarking on.
Character development- Need I say, this is a silly book. One thing that I have noticed as a consequence of focusing on comedy novels is that part of the comic aspect often necessitates a very stable and predictable character, at least for a chunk of the narrative. First, I suppose character development can often be not very funny, although there are some examples we have reviewed so far that contradict this. But also, in order to be the butt of the joke, the main character must be rather stable. So, even in the examples that do have character development, it often happens towards the end of the book.
Anyway, this is going too theoretical. Humphrey is a well described but silly character. Your descriptions of surrounding characters effectively describe their physical silliness, but you do not exactly paint them with a lot of detail. This is just fine for the genre, though, and is not an impediment or objection.
Humour- As said too many times already, this cracked me up. I will post some of my favorite parts separately. I find your sense of humour very alluring, silly and never (too) vulgar.
I really did not like your cliffhanger paragraphs at the end of some of the first few chapters. I found these irritating for some reason. It may just be me, though.
Mechanics- I did not take good notes as I read- this is a good sign, because it means I was enjoying myself. At the same time, it means that I am not so helpful with the mechanics. However, your tenses are a mess. Please, pick a tense. Past tense is recommended, except in conversation.
All in all I think this is a great success. Do fix the tenses, and consider a stronger non-comic mystery hook, and I think it will do very well.
All the best,
Maeve

Com Lit Review- French Roast and Lingerie by Jed Oliver

Chapter One
Very clean MS. The start seems haphazard until the lapel twisting. I had a few chuckles and I feel you ended the chapter very nicely.

Chapter Two
The marching band story is very funny. This is full of cliché but it’s completely warranted and like many spoofs you nail the comic timing.

Chapter Three
This chapter isn’t as funny as the first two but I think your writing is crisp and very easy to follow. The misspelling of the name on both licenses got a little chuckle from me.

PS
The pitch is great. I love the intrigue.

This is what I called entertainment packed

I'm enjoying reading

Jed,
Read the first chapter and will definitely be back for more. Smoothly written nonsense. Loved Humphrey and all the characters, laughed out loud at all the nonchalant ambling. This is great. High stars.
Good luck on your writing.
Janet
The Milche Bride
Clarissa's Kitchen

Jed,
This book is fast paced and funny! I forget about everything else when I am reading this!
(Well, except songs from the 70's - I can't seem to forget those!)
Mindy

Jed, this book is hilarious!
It has been a busy week at work and I only got through 7 chapters, but I already can't wait to read more!
Mindy
The Wishing Place

Hi Jed,

I was trawling the site in search of a different kind of comedy and the pitch for French Roast and Lingerie had me hooked straight away. I do not have time to read all that you have uploaded but I have enjoyed the book so far. Written with style and with such a nice, original line in humour.

Best wishes,

Philip John

Hi Jed,
just picked up your book, lovely writing and a cracking pace. Can't quite put my finger on your style but it reads really well. The characters are well rounded and believable.
In my lunch break but will come back to this shortly - well done and on my WL

regards

Cyrus

Hi Jed. I found you on the writer's forum. I loved your pitch and decided to swing by...
This is a little bit Elvis Cole and a little P.G. Wodehouse...fun concept...Richard Nixon in drag is great.
I love a good, weird plot.
I'm a sucker for detective novels, especially funny ones. I think you should probably find a good editor, make sure your formatting is kosher, do a mini tidy up on the grammar (I like creative grammar. I think it can be a great tool to reinforce humor) and then...this feels like something I'd love to have on a beach or a plane. I really like your concept.

Delightful twists of logic but should a terrorist against the “Farbuck” coffee establishments of the world really be called a coffee terrorist? I personally see him as freedom fighter in a just cause :-). The style is a cross between Carl Hasaan and the Goons. The first 8 chapters jostled the characters into being and set stage, all at a great pace, but by chapter 15, I was wanting it to start to gel a bit more than it had. This may well be a product of reading on screens as opposed to paper.

Chapters end the same way (stylistically) a little too often

I Had > I had (Chap14)
…grocery stores which had > …grocery stores that had… (Chap14)

A good laugh and an enjoyable read that I would pass on to friend about to jump on a plane. Good luck with it, there should be more light hearted humour in the world!

Andrew
A Fatal Misuse of time
Short pitch: Ever tried waking up yesterday instead of tomorrow? That is just the beginning of Tristan's troubles as his life is hijacked to reveal the future.
(Not a time travel novel really, more a mystery/philosophy comedy :-)

Great read - always onto a winner if you can make the readers laugh. I've read the first couple of chapters and I'm going to come back for more when I can.

You're obviously a talented writer as I've got no complaints over the style, grammar etc. Well done. Highly starred!

Lee :-)

This is hilarious! I love how Humphrey's narration is so deadpan; it makes the funny moments even funnier. Only read the first chapter so far, but I already know this is a good one. Love how everyone has a cigar/cigarette, but no one lights it, and how when Humphrey leaves Farbucks and realizes his car is stolen, his reaction is that he'll have to take the bus (and then he takes a taxi).
One my shelf and lots of stars.

I've been feeling rather low lately, so thought I need some more French Roast and Lingerie. I've just read chaps 15 to 20. I am starting to wonder if there is anything significant in the black silk panties, being made of thick material. The explanation of how the car blew up, sounds very silly. It must have took some working out to write! Or else it was copied from a 'strange news', column in a newspaper.

I have got up to chapter 26. It look like my suspicions about the unusual weight of the silk is being confirmed, when a truckload of lingerie is slit. I guess the MC will have to look into it...
#

Hi Jed, this is one of the funniest/ silliest books I have read in a long time. Well in truth I have only read a few chapters as yet, but have promised myself to reads more when I have time. Talking of time - if you have any would you take a look at my book 'Sanctuary' very different from yours but I would appreciate any comments and backing. When I have read further chapters,of yours I intend putting it on my shelf, in the mean time it is on my w/l. Tina Cox

I am so glad to have come across your book very funny opening. Look forward to reading more on my watchlist.

French Roast and Lingerie
ComLit Review
Jed,
I have read 22 chapters, or about halfway through.
I find this a very fun and silly book. Unabashedly silly. It is profoundly silly. It is a materpiece of silliness. I laughed out loud several times, especially in the earlier chapters, and chuckle as I think back on it. What is perhaps more significant, I turned to it at least to help me get over being a bit down. For me this is one of the greatest compliments I can give a comedy book.
I give it six silly happy faces. Here they are:
:) :) :) :) :) :)

Hook and Plot- You plunge right into the comedy of the story, with the visit to Farbucks and the half-a-cool-look. This is so very silly that it captured me. And then you introduce the nemesis right on the first page with the FBAC. I think doing this is essential for a silly detective story- it keeps the pages turning. This plot hook is admittedly absurd, but it works wel. If that were not enough, the scene in the disguise store and the Richard Nixon gag really had me.
The plot of this book is very absurd. It is a detective story that really does not follow logical conventions, and so it would be a bit frustrating if it were not meant to be so funny. The story takes for granted the randomness of the anti-French-Roast terrorist group as well as the lingerie smuggling ring. This is not a bad thing, as the book depends on it silliness, but it is not so much curiosity of what is going to happen next that carries me forward as it is anticipation of the next joke. The consequence of this is that when I stopped reading at chapter 22, I did not feel a pressing need to find out who had done it. It is all pretty clear at this point, despite Humphrey's denseness with regards to Soong Bird. When I go back to read the second half, it will be for more laughs than for the nagging feeling of a plot arc left unfinished. The consequence of this is subtle, but significant: if you want to really hook the reader, maybe you should veil your silly story with a bit more mystery. This, however, would require a substantial reworking, and I am not sure it is the kind of thing you feel like embarking on.
Character development- Need I say, this is a silly book. One thing that I have noticed as a consequence of focusing on comedy novels is that part of the comic aspect often necessitates a very stable and predictable character, at least for a chunk of the narrative. First, I suppose character development can often be not very funny, although there are some examples we have reviewed so far that contradict this. But also, in order to be the butt of the joke, the main character must be rather stable. So, even in the examples that do have character development, it often happens towards the end of the book.
Anyway, this is going too theoretical. Humphrey is a well described but silly character. Your descriptions of surrounding characters effectively describe their physical silliness, but you do not exactly paint them with a lot of detail. This is just fine for the genre, though, and is not an impediment or objection.
Humour- As said too many times already, this cracked me up. I will post some of my favorite parts separately. I find your sense of humour very alluring, silly and never (too) vulgar.
I really did not like your cliffhanger paragraphs at the end of some of the first few chapters. I found these irritating for some reason. It may just be me, though.
Mechanics- I did not take good notes as I read- this is a good sign, because it means I was enjoying myself. At the same time, it means that I am not so helpful with the mechanics. However, your tenses are a mess. Please, pick a tense. Past tense is recommended, except in conversation.
All in all I think this is a great success. Do fix the tenses, and consider a stronger non-comic mystery hook, and I think it will do very well.
All the best,
Maeve

Okay, this is just wacky, and silly. Should I say goofy too? And fun.

There’s a sweet simplicity to this story that is heartwarming, I think. I might quibble here and there with your choices, but that sweetness radiates from beneath the humor. This is pleasant and easy to read, and doesn’t have pretensions about it. I like that.

I think, if I were to give you advice on the writing here, I’d say you tend to telegraph things a little too much. If you have a good comedic idea, give it some play. I know you’re concerned about the book being too short, and this would be a way to lengthen it.

You can do a whole comedy routine on boutique coffee emporiums, like Farbucks/Starbucks. You can crack jokes about lattes and mochas and the tight-assed professionals sitting in the shop, laptop before them, smartphoning in over-drive or the soccer moms in their designer sweats. You can take some of the characters and flesh them out more.

I really like the disconnect between the tough-guy image and the Mini-Cooper. Do more with it. The silly size and shape, the color of the car. You’d never catch Bogie driving a car like that. He’d drive a Packard or, in this day and age, maybe a Ford Taurus. In the 80s, he’d be driving a K car. The point is, Bogie as Sam Spade or Marlowe would drive an inconspicuous, workman-like car. I know that’s exactly why you chose such a silly car for him. (All you Mini-Cooper drivers out there: Don’t take offense. It’s a great car, but you’d never have a hard-boiled detective behind the wheel.) I think it’s a great choice, but why don’t you do more with it? Either make Humphrey aware that his choice of car is ridiculous, considering the persona he’s trying to project, or let him remain clueless, but give us ample opportunities to laugh at him as he folds his tall, lanky frame (he DOES have a tall, lanky frame, doesn’t he?) into this dinky vehicle. Again: do more with the jokes you set up.

If you take more time with these jokes, then you’ll be able to work on the timing of their delivery. Build the joke, build it some more, a little more the…pause…deliver the punch line. The timing is important for the impact to be felt. Think of how Jack Benny could just stand there, chin in his palm, and not say a word for the longest time. And people were howling in laughter. His reaction to things was priceless. His timing was the best.

So, think about timing as you write your jokes. I think writing comedy that’s meant to be read rather than spoken or acted is very difficult, but with all comedy, timing is everything. So you need to take your time and not rush through your comedic moments.

I like the choice of cover a great deal. Very nice.

I agree with some other comments that you need to reconsider your short and long pitches. For short, maybe something like: “When your mother names you Humphrey, you are almost fated to become a private eye. Or a Vice President.” Or something silly like that. For the long pitch, I would talk less about fame and fortune and more about “What do coffee, panty raids, the CIA and the FBI have in common? It’s a mystery, and newly-minted private investigator Humphrey Jamison must solve it…" I would give some juicy nuggets from the plot without revealing too much.

Here are some specific reactions, mostly positive, a few constructively critical, to portions of the text:

“Never Mess with a Guy Named Humphrey” That’s a wonderful chapter title.
Farbucks doesn’t work for me. I’d just call it Starbucks and let it go.
Just a piece of trivia: Though Bogart did ads for Camels, he actually smoked Lucky Strike. LSMFT. (I KNOW you know what that means, Jed.)
A mini-cooper paratactically placed against a hard-boiled detective is just a wonderful image.
Why not call the hat a fedora? I really want him to be in a fedora.
I wouldn’t repeat the title of the chapter as a sentence in the chapter. It takes the oomph out of a good line, I think, to repeat it.
I liked all the oddball characters in the first chapter, and was pleased to see they showed up later on in the narrative.
You need to watch your verb tense changes. A good general rule is that, while it’s okay to vary tense between paragraphs when appropriate, it’s generally best to keep an entire paragraph in a single tense. (This, of course, is a rule I break myself whenever it pleases me.)
For example, in chapter two, I’d do the first paragraph like this: “After sleeping on it, I decided to postpone renting an office until I’d actually made some money as a private detective. For the moment, I would use Farbuck’s as an office. Besides, there seemed to be plenty of action there.”
We have entirely too many similar sensibilities, Jed. Rosewood office furniture, a penchant for pop cultural references from days gone by, etc.
There’s a surreal quality to the scene at the police statement, as Humpy, uh, Humphrey gets his P.I. (or as is also said in the vernacular, private dick) license. I like surreal scenes.
And I liked the incongruous serial-type ending, tune in next time, same Bat time, same Bat channel. I notice you do the same at the end of the next chapter, though. You should be careful not to overuse the device. It’s the kind of thing you either use at the end of every chapter or occasionally, but not for two chapters in a row, especially when you don’t use it for the first three chapters, then use it twice in a row, then you don’t use it again. Not sure this works.
You like ridiculous cars, don’t you? Mini-Coopers, Hummers, Yugos? None of these is discreet, and you have all of these undercover types driving around town in them. The cars speak volumes about how clueless your characters are. Which is a GOOD thing!
“I always have believed in putting my tools away.” Great line at an inopportune time, which makes it very opportune!
Panty raiders? Ouch. But I like it a bunch. (Don't get your panties all in a bunch...)

Fun stuff. I think you mainly just need to take his very solid foundation and expand your comedic ideas. I think if you did that, the book would grow by 50 percent. You could have more fun with the comedy, and so could we!
I give you four grins for this!

Comlit Review: French Roast and Lingerie

I really like the style of this book. A few LOL moments - has a kind of deadpan dark Carl Hiassen feel at times and a kind of wordy Woody Allen feel at others and I guess this is both a strength and something to clarify. I think at the start of the book the character needs to be stronger -he comes across as a bit of a nerdy teen but then is quite self assured and confident enough to stuff a cigar down someone's throat in Farbucks (love the name) So I wasn't sure if he's a Steve Buscemi Pulp Fiction/Reservioir dogs MC trying to do Humphrey Bogart or a Steve Buscemi circa Big Lebowski trying to do Bogie.... I think with more eveness in voice -he could be a great character. Some funny moments in the first three chapters -loved the bumper sticker "Gore/Liibermann, Shit Happens" gag
I agree with other reviewers that certain descriptions felt a bit spare - with more fleshing out this will be a great read as its very. very clever and a natural, witty style.

Four and 3/4 smiles

Kaal

Posted: 28/02/2012 12:28:46
report abuse reply with quote delete post edit post

French Roast and Lingerie COMLIT review

I think you need a gun on your cover, or someone will think ‘chick lit' when picking it up.



You have some very funny moments in the first few chapters. I like the ‘physicality’ of your writing. -He twisted his lapels,-he stumbled out of the coffee shop.

Some line edits for you...

‘I saw her limping toward a 45 caliber pistol….that sentence could be reworked to have more impact, I think

This chair might be hard to get out of in a hurry, I thought. I think you should either go with italics for thought alone, or state that it was a thought, and not both.

By the time I got to Chapter 4, I started to feel like I was reading a Monty Python sketch. Not necessarily a bad thing, from a comedy stand point, but I didn’t feel like I was getting enough information about each character to invest in knowing more, if that makes sense. There is an absence of detail in your MC and his supporting characters that needs to be flushed out, to make it a rounder ‘story’. Looking forward to finishing. Keep up the good work!

I'e read up to chapter 10. The speculation about a town called Bloomer, because they were too modest to call it Panties, made me smile.

I've got up to chapter 9. The only thing I had a problem with the description of Soong Bird's dress.
'She wore a...floor length dress. The legs were slit all the way up to her waist...' [Dresses do not have legs - I would change it to - The skirt was slit on both sides all the way .... Or change dress to jumpsuit, or catsuit . I think catsuit sounds more glamorous.

Gillian

ComLit review

This is very silly, Jed, for a man your age. Really silly. It’s Monty Python style silly. And it made me laugh. A lot. There are loads of ridiculous lines in it that shouldn’t be funny - but just are! I guess I have a very silly sense of humour so this tickled me immensely.

I guess Zane is right - there should be more of a hook to it at the start - but for me that wasn’t so important. I just had fun reading it.

I must confess I laughed at “Farbuck’s” (although I kept reading it as “Fartbuck’s”. I blame my 8 year old son for that. I wonder if that misreading is what you intended!)

In Ch.1 I laughed at the French coffee, the “I’ll kill you for that” line and the carpal tunnel syndrome.

In Ch.2 I laughed at the difficult chair and the ridiculous drum major. However, I was really disappointed that the stripper turned out to be Richard Nixon. From your initial description I’d rather started fancying her.

In Ch.4 I found “cocking his head sideways” funny and “unbecoming a government official” and the chainsaw scene.

My favourite line in Ch.5 was “Some days you just can’t win”. And I giggled over Cary’s full name.

For me, there were no laugh-out-loud lines in Ch.6-7, but I was still enjoying the read.

There was one continuity error at the start of Ch.1 when Humphrey tells us he’s come to Farbuck’s after reading a small ad on Google, but later on when he first encounters Carrie, he says he’s responding to a newspaper ad.

A few typos: Ch.1: “the worlds next” should be “the world’s next”; “writers meeting” should be “writers’ meeting”; “Argentinian” or “Argentinean”? you have both. Ch.2: “worlds” should be “world’s”. Ch.4: “Yugo’s” should be “Yugos”. Ch.6: “Barstow street” should be “Barstow Street”; “a a” should be “a”. Ch,7: “Schwartzenegger” should be “Schwarzenegger”.

Overall fun, just fun.

ComLit review - French Roast and Lingerie by Jed Oliver

A pleasure to dig into this book by one of the most generous and helpful characters on ComLit, and by definition, on authonomy. The style is gentle and whimsical, and much of the humour comes from Jed's wonderfully surreal sense of the absurd. I just love the poster of Richard Nixon disguised as a stripper. For the purposes of this review I've read the first 6 chapters.

The things I enjoyed about the yarn are too many to mention, so I trust you'll forgive me Jed if instead I note things which might benefit from attention in your next round of revisions.

Overall, it felt as if it took a few chapters to get into its stride, and pick up a rhythm. I think it possibly needs more of a sense of Humpy's mission to hang the narrative on. I suspect this wouldn't be a hard task to achieve - by some judicious additions rather than any major changes. So here's a blow-by-blow...

Short pitch
This comedy thriller stars Humphrey Jameson, in his heroic attempt to become a famous private investigator.
This pitch seems deliberately to cross genres - the word ‘stars’ suggest film rather than a novel. This sets up expectations. There’s also a question posed here. Most private investigators might prefer to be secretive and, well, private. So the ‘famous’ bit perhaps gives us a clue about Humphrey’s judgement.

Long pitch
Think this could perhaps do with a wee polish. The bit that I’m missing is what the driving thrust of the book is. What is Humphrey’s problem? Or alternatively what does Humphrey really need or want? What is his mission? Is there a mystery to be solved? Is there a crime to be investigated? I think that hook is what would persuade me to open the book. Is it Humphrey’s quest for fame? He wants to become a famous author, but then changes his mind. The next para hints that ‘his path to fame and fortune’ is what’s driving him.

The word ‘lingerie’ is used three times. Might it be funnier and more elegant if alternatives were found? So the second time it might say ‘ hot on the trail of the band of international panty thieves.’ Then ‘Humphrey is hired to protect the beautiful woman’s unmentionables.’ I’m sure you could come up with you own versions. Then ‘will he ever be paid?’ is a hook, but not a very strong one. Not a massive page-turner!

The give-away to me is the final line ‘it’s one dang thing after another!’ This suggests that you may be aware that you haven’t presented a really compelling hook. So I’m intrigued to find out whether this is a problem with the book - or just the pitch. Fingers crossed...

Opening sentence
I parked my Mini-Cooper in the mall lot, near the Farbuck’s coffee shop door.
No hook there to compel me to read on. But the opening para introduces the notion that Humphrey thinks writing is an easy way to fame and fortune. So I would suggest that the paragraph is written in a different order:

‘It seemed like an easy way to become rich and famous. The moment I read the ad for the writer’s club I pictured the scene. I was sitting at my computer, drinking beer. And on the screen, the world’s next best-seller was taking shape.’

This also avoids the slight catch that I read the phrase as ‘world’s next best’ (i.e. second best) before I got to the next word and realised that I got it wrong.

‘and breaking one of my sunglass lenses’ - sounds slightly distant and detached. Would it be possible to experience this with Humphrey? Like: ...’bashing the glass door into my nose. My sunglasses flew through the air then made a crash landing.’

I love the idea of removing the broken glass from one side and putting them back on.

Chapter 2
The Richard Nixon stripper gag is wonderful.

Chapter 3
Now we're cooking. And the surrealism and self-reference mounts with the trailer for Chapter 4.

Chapter 4 onwards
I'm slightly confused about 'French Roast'. It's not a term so commonly found in the UK, so I had to look it up. I discovered it was a description of a pretty well fired roasting temperature. The characters in the book seem to make comparisons between French Roast and coffee from other countries. I assume this is their confusion, since I understand that you could French Roast Columbian coffee beans - it's not got anything to do with coffee from France (which doesn't exist). So I was a bit clueless about the coffee terms. I am, on the other hand, an expert in lingerie, so look forward to being on safer ground as the book progresses.

All in all - great fun, and a charming read. Hope these thoughts on hooks and page turners are of some use. Good luck!

See Comlit review page 23. I love the zany, absurd style of this book, and the sense of ridiculous. I would recomend it as an anti-depressant!
I've got up to chapter 14. I would not have read so far, if I wasn't enjoying this book. The MC reporting his car was blown up, and God does not make a habit of blowing up Mini-Coopers, made me think of the late Joyce Grenfell in her 'School Ma'am' role calmly telling a small child, 'So-and-so is not a good idea. Yes, you would get hurt, and you wouldn't like that...'

Honestly Jed this book is pee yourself funny.
I could see this as a great movie right from the get go. The writing was clear, very visual and precise. Even better it was good clean humour, not full of toilet jokes. If I had one word of feedback, try another car to be stolen. Most Mini's good have an alarm system and be very hard to steal. This is coming from someone with an auto tech background. Other than that I very muchly enjoyed this chapter, would like to sit down and read your previous work. Great job.
Frank

FRENCH ROAST AND LINGERIE
This is a funny, funny story. I love Humphrey in the way he sums up his lessons learned, especially that he will have to take the bus to a second writer’s meeting. You have a great writing style: enjoyable and easy to read. Highly rated and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Humourous without any smut an engaging piece of work, backed and starred

This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time ... bloody brilliant!

Robbie

I loved your plot from what I read it sounds like a very great book! When I get space this is certainly going on my shelf.

French Roast and Lingerie / Jed Oliver


Hilarious, charming and entertaining. Jed Oliver never stops doing with a pen what we all only wish we could do. He writes good clean humor. So well in fact that the creativity makes me wonder how I couldn't have spent just a little time...and come up with this myself. The fact is, I couldn't. Better still, I don't know that anyone else can. Jed Oliver, like his characters, are one of a kind.

I laughed throughout what I was able to read of 'Knut', which for you newbies was Jed's first work on here. I have to admit I wondered how he would ever top that. He's done it though.

French Roast and Lingerie features Humphrey Jameson, a man who, on a whim, decides he can be a detective almost as good as Hercule Poirot. His reasoning for this is explained in CH1 and is hilarious. It begins with details as simple as his name...Humphrey. The character just feels compelled to do something suting of the name. Plainly put, if you can read the first chapter of this book and not laugh constantly, put it down and move on to something else because humor isn't for you and I hate it for you my friend.

On the other hand, if you are one who likes to implement a bit of imagination, be constantly entertained with humor, wit, cleverly crafted scenarios of protagonist embarassement, charm and down right stupidity, well, you've come to the right place. This is Humor Writing 101!!!

'I looked over and saw the un-lit filtered cigarette dangling in her mouth which told me for sure that she was health conscious.' (or something like that) I laugh now just typing it!

'As the only heat I was packing was a pack of Kleenex.................. (This is good stuff)

I have arrived at two defintie conclusions: (in chapter 1)

If I ever attend another of those writer's conventions, I'll have to wear a disguise
and---
I'll have to ride the bus

Stop it, Jed. I'm about to pee on myself laughing so hard. I could visualize this character being played by the right person (Frank Caliendo perhaps) and busting the theatre out completely.

When I got to the end of the first chapter and read the part where Humphrey decides he will become a detective, oh my goodness that is good stuff. There was no choice to make but to read on, after, I ran and got Lisa from in front of her computer where she too was busy contracting carpal tunnel syndrone, instead of engaging in the lucrative business of being a private detective. I read her the first chapter aloud and we howled for fifteen minutes.

We're late going to dinner but I'm reading her CH2 right now! (Ok, done)
I don;t want to nit-pick but you change from calling the drum major to drum master several times in CH2. Easily fixable and again...good stuff. I get the idea I'm in for a real treat here. There's nothing like a play by play of how a famous detective, like Humphrey Jameson, gets his business started. And besides, if I ever need to buy a disguise kit, I now know the difference between Kit'A', 'B' and 'C'. Good to know that stuff.

So, back from dinner, I decided to read on. Jed, you're a wonderful talent, sir. The most admirable aspect of your work is clearly the fact that you find a way to make us laugh without the use of profanity, erotic reference or any of the methods so often used to garner a laugh nowadays. You are one of a kind. Your stories are imaginative, very creative and you follow all the rules of good literary practice with good dialogue, a balanced narrative and clean polish.

I highly recommend anyone who reads this note to check out this book. There is much more here than good clean fun. The writing is quite good as well. I certainly wish you the very best with this and look forward to seeing it in book form so I can get a copy, read it, then place proudly on my bookshelf alongside Knut, just so I can bragg that I know the author of this unique, and wonderful work.

As always, my best.

E M Delaney

To pull off funny this good is a worthy accomplishment. I’m sure all writers are aware of how difficult it is to keep a reader engaged and humored for the length of a novel. A rare feat. Jed Oliver ranks with the best of them. I laughed out loud numerous times through the eight chapters I read. The plot, in and of itself, is funny. Not only is French Roast and Lingerie funny, it possesses a kind of charm that was common in the B&W comedies of old, but with a bit more of an edge (Woody Allen comes to mind), and some clever pop culture references. The humor is, at times, slap stick, but mostly more subtle than that. If you're interested in learning how to write humor, read Jed Oliver.

Here are some minor things/issues, favorite moments, and whatevers, I encountered along the way:
“I parked my Mini-Cooper” (I instantly know this is a car) near Farbuck’s (and that this is a play on Starbuck’s without adding the other details.) I suspect that most readers will make these connections too. I realize you may have a reason for this, but as I come to chapter eight, I’ve not yet discovered one. A style thing maybe?

“As I approached the Farbuck’s…” I think because ‘Farbuck’s’ is a proper noun, you can drop the ‘the’ before it. It would sound more natural.

“Then I saw him.” I love this paragraph.

Oh my God! This is so funny! “You punk,” he said, quickly frisking me…”

“Was this guy (looney), or what?” I know this is meant to be funny coming from someone equally looney, but still it comes off as leading, and I think the paragraph is funnier without it.

“She looked up and threw her drink in my face…” Love this paragraph and the one that follows.

I got half way through the first chapter and realized you are the author of Knut. I really enjoyed that book! I’m enjoying this one just as much though. I reached the end of the first chapter and am eager to proceed to the next.

Chapter two: “Looking in the yellow pages of the phone book.” I would have said, Looking in the Yellow Pages. You probably have a reason for adding, ‘of the phone book,’ and I’m not getting it.

A typo: “Fourth (if) July parade.” I’ve notice a few places in the second chapter where it appears you are missing a space. Your word processing software should highlight those.

Chapter two does not let up in the least. I am compelled to continue. Very entertaining and nicely written.

Chapter three: “Other items out of stock…” I smile when I read humor, but I laughed out loud at this… and the next paragraph too.

“Rather than()phone, I would walk…” missing space.

“Jesus Christ! I’d like to speak to officer, Barry, then.” This cracked me up. (a comma after officer)

End of the third chapter; I’ve still got a big smile on my face. I love the narrative voice!

Chapter four: “Maybe it would scare off whoever was tailing me.” I think I’d drop this line, as it seems to tell what was just shown.

I would consider dropping “Do you remember the Yugo?” too. I’m not seeing its purpose. I agree that the Yugo offers potential laughs, but this paragraph seems to miss the mark. I like the additional two jokes in the following paragraph though.

“Half of him was in and half was out…” this whole sentence feels a bit awkward.
The last two lines; feels like too much is said.
Perhaps:
We clicked glasses.
“Here’s to you, buddy.”
End.
I’m ready for Chapter five.

Five: “If we put our hands up, we’ll spill our whiskey.” I think this is funnier without the added line.

“Please be careful fellows, we have drinks.” Maybe?

“so your whole name is Harry Kari Cary.” ‘So, your whole name is…’

I’ve noticed that you shift between, ‘said Buddy’ and ‘Buddy said.’ I think that the more you vary these tags, the more noticeable they become… distracting. Most writers today, agree that ‘Buddy said’ is preferable, because it parallels, ‘he said’ whereas ‘said Buddy’ parallels ‘said he’ which sounds archaic.

“Farbuck stores all over the country and cut them in half with chainsaws.” Humphrey just used a chainsaw to cut Cary free of his Yugo. I’d consider another device here.

“I thought about that for a while. ‘It doesn’t make any sense, Buddy.’” You may have repeated yourself in this line for effect, an old style of joke, but I think it’s better said once. Though it’s not that funny either way.
Still smiling, going into chapter six: “I walked up to the counter and ordered one regular coffee, small.” I think this is a great spot for a Starbucks joke. If you go into a Starbucks and order a small, they will argue with you that they do not sell small, or medium, or large. They will not serve you until you refer to their sizes by their given names, Grandie or whatever.

“Yes headquarters gives me a new one every ten years.” I love that one!

Chapter seven: The transition from Farbucks to the printing shop is a bit choppy.

“Would you believe it? John said, Come again, sir.” I think this would be much funnier if it simply read, ‘Come again, sir.”

“My major is elementary education.” (I nodded wisely.) should be dropped down a line.

Chapter eight: “You won’t believe this…” Consider cutting.

“…a magnificent cleavage.” Should this read, she had magnificent cleavage? Without the ‘a’?

“In less time than it took me to picture what she was doing, she was back.” I love that one.

“…slipped into her (sports) car.”

Like Knut, this was super enjoyable! Good luck with it and all future projects.
All the best, Rodney

I like your laid back understated comedy style, and I think it will do very well and I'll keep an eye on it.

Okay, I like the Humphrey Bogart references. They are a nice touch and brings your right in. Dialogue driven for the most part which is enjoyable, because you explain the action nicely throughout. I liked the Spanish insert, "Evita vive." A nice touch, for those who can pick it up. ;) One thing that I would consider is all of the capitalization you do throughout the book. I'm not sure it is necessary. I'm not an expert but I think italics would do better for stress, or a dialogue tag if need be. Just something to think over, no need to make any sudden changes. I'm giving you lots of stars for this and will be watching for you!

Best,

Ashley
'Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket'

Title: I actually like the title. It makes you curious about how the two are related. 7/10

Book Cover: If I saw it on the shelf, I wouldn’t be attracted to it. It looks too girly with the pink and braw. It looks like a romance book so if that’s what your going for, then it will work. But after I had read the chapter, I don’t know. 5/10

Pitch: I liked it. Just the name makes him seem like a weakling which he’s not. 7/10

Chapter 1: I LOVED it. what a great introduction. Your voice never falters and your writing flows without any bad transitions. I don’t know who Humphrey Bogart is but I didn’t have to. You comedic skills are sensational. I think I laughed or smiled more than a dozen times. The first half of the chapter is the best hands down. Though the second half is good it doesn’t compare to the first. 8/10

Your book definitely deserves to be in the top 25 right now

6 stars. Future backing.

Hello Jed--

Book-French Roast and lingerie--

Well, what a way to start a morning, chuckling to my hearts content. laughter is a good tonic they say; no need to take the tablets now, iv'e got my fix.

Seriously though; After reading fourteen chapters and some chunks more it is all iv'e said is ; a laugh a line.
This is slapstick writing at its very best as Humphrey, private eye goes about his daily trials; in his mini-cooper.

The dialogue is fast, snappy and gritty and i had know problem turning page after page to enjoy the craic.!!
everything moving along at a brisk pace. Just the book to take along with you when travelling on bus boat,train or plane.
oh, sorry , crit----
end line in first chapter. Would read better i feel if it read-

-Title has a nice ring tone- I SAID TO MYSELF-

highly rated in its genre and i have no doubt it will do well
good luck Jed
tom bye Dublin Ireland
book- from hugs to kisses'

Read the first chapter and loved it. have it on my WL and plan on coming back for more. Well done.
Red

Just finished Chapter 5... You sure have a wacky sense of humour!!! Love the police and the bullhorn scene... Pink Panther in black!

Hi Jed, Some funny stuff here! One comment regarding what I've read so far -- I get a bit disoriented when you suddenly "turn" to address me, the reader; or when you the author is suddenly talking to a third party, like "your" (the author's) mother. Somehow, these little "interludes" take me out of the story, they knock me off my reading balance. I'll give you more feedback as I continue reading... Ruth

Jed. Chapter 1 drew me in, it really made me laugh and I like Humphrey already! I have a lot on at the moment but I will definitelty be back for more and think Humprhrey's PI work deserves 6 stars. I haven't laughed so much in ages as been so stressed out over my books. My shelf is committed atm but when the ED month ends I will have two spaces free when I unload Luminous Dark and Billie Blackwater and one of them will be yours.

Jed,
I’d like to think I’m a pretty tough critic when it comes to comedy, but French Roast and Lingerie had me laughing out loud right from the first chapter. Although a little kooky, it’s hilarious and I believe it’ll go far, on this site and beyond.
Six well deserved stars and a place on my shelf as soon as i can.
Maria
Dark of the Moon

I'm sneaking reads of each chapter when I should be working...great fun!

Jed, this is comedy at its best, really very, very funny in all its weirdness. Next to that, it is very well-written. You absolutely are in command, both of the material and of the writing. I think Humphrey Jameson is ready to talk inside a film studio and come out as a movie. Starred and all the luck in the world with getting French Roast and Lingerie published. Hannah

Jed -

French Roast and Lingerie - came by to have a look at your latest. You character is so weird it took me a while to grok him, thinking to myself, uh, a publisher would think you'r putting it on thick, including all the politically incorrect zigs and cigars :) then cheering - I love my roll-ups. I well believe you had fun writing this. Getting into the swing, I kept reading on to chapter 5. The hilariousness just got better and better and I chuckled away, despite myself. There's a lifetime of stored-up mischief packed into Humphrey Jameson, a character sparkling with unsurpassed boyish fantasy. Having listened to you reading an excerpt from 'Brunhilde' on your website, I think Humphrey would come out great in an audio-book version. Best Luck, starred for now. Pia.

This is easy to read, and I was chuckling out loud before long - with his attempts to look cool, the drool for authentic effect, and the half-cool look after his glasses get smashed.
The writing glides nicely by, but could be a bit tighter in places - for example, nonchalantly walked could be ambled, and then you've got rid of one of those adverbs we're always being told to cull. Also I wondered if you could cut the first sentence just after "activity". The second half is implied anyway, plus you're about to show us the narrator is wrong.
I don't know if that's helpful - feel free to ignore it completely - I am, after all, a fellow unpublished writer!

I loved your pitch and profile , I m sure your book will do well so I'm adding it to my W/L and wishing you all of the best of luck . Perhaps you could have a look at my books and maybe back or comment on one - thanks !!!

Jedward,
This is a funny read, reminding me of Mr Bean's madcap adventure's. The arrival of the disguise kit with the false nose was all the more humourous because of Humphrey's unfazed acceptance. The dialogue is slick with some great one liners. This would make a super comedy film, I wish you the best of luck with it.
Babs

this is an intriguing thriller; effective writting style narrative and dialogue all make this a very good book...
on my watchlist...
read SEASONS,,,...

Jedward, we need to market this book better! People have to know about it!

Dear Jedward,

I have to say I was a little skeptical about reading your book given your username! I can only hope that it is tongue in cheek!
However, I have to say this is actually one of the funniest books I have read on this website so far, I really LOVED it!
Its a sort of eclectic mix of Inspector Clouseau, Monsieur Hulot with a few shots of Woody Allen stirred in. And damn was it an intoxicating read.
I was reading it at work and it had me laughing out loud far too many times. To be perfectly honest, I dont have that many criticisms at the moment, sorry. However, if you would consider sending me the full manuscript I would be happy to sit down and write a proper review.

Thanks for the laughter!

Sarah

PS Chapter 6 you have written Starbucks instead of Frabucks, wasnt sure whether this wasa mistake or deliberate. Personally I think you should keep it at Farbucks... we all know what its supposed to be!

Hiya Jedward. If your goal is to give enjoyment to your readers, then you've certainly succeeded with me. It didn't take me long to get drawn into your great style of writing and by Ch 2 I was hooked. Humphrey's visit to the disguise school was hilarious. I keep seeing Groucho Marx in my head - but maybe that's the false moustache! I've given you high stars and will look at backing you in the next day or two as soon as I've got some room on my shelf. Kat x

Good start to this. A unique writing style. Almost has a feel of the old style of a Sherlock Holmes story but with some humour sprinkled in to lighten the tone. I enjoyed the first chapter.
Janny