Ocellus

This is one of the most carefully written books I have read here thus far. And for that alone I need more time to read and digest. I will admit to a particular interest, for the past 20 years I have lived just down the road in Durham and some of what you write is familiar.

I have read only the first chapter so this comment may be irrelevant in light of the rest of the work. I would have preferred more for each time/place. I am happy to jump around from time and place but even I found it a little tiresome to keep moving at such a pace. Is the change in font intentional? Reading on a screen meant that I could increase font size but in a book I think I would have given up. Some of your sentences are very long and perhaps less commas would help the reader with the flow of the text.

I have enjoyed what I have read and will read more.
Gillian

This is great fun to read but I do wish there were more, shorter, paragraphs. It outfaces me somewhat, like I've too much on my plate and it puts me off. I would prefer smaller helpings and have to go back for more. Even so, it's worth the bother.

A delicious read, with a very strong opening.
You’re writing flows well and you seem at ease with your writing style.
Our characters are first rate and add colour and dimension to your scenes.
A colourful dialogue with a staccato feel, that draws the writing on.
Good ending on your chapters lead you on to reading the next chapter
I enjoyed reading and would recommend.
Well done.

fascinating book; you have written it very well, indeed. perfect style and voice. you have taken time, and effort to write this book...
l will back, and give six stars******
read SEASONS...

Forward - I'd start it from 'There is guilt in forgetfulness..' A wonderful opening, and I found the other a little to wordy and vague. You then have a prolouge as well, which I wondered if you needed. Then I found myself submerged in wonderful, dense, fullsome, involved writing of great skill and complexity. There are so many images and ideas and beautifully painted pictures that stopping the read felt a little like coming up for air out of a sea.

This clearly deserves proper time to read - and I shall be doing that. Very impressive and hugely enjoyable. On my shelf for shelving when my backlog clears.
Cariad.

Forward - I'd start it from 'There is guilt in forgetfulness..' A wonderful opening, and I found the other a little to wordy and vague. You then have a prolouge as well, which I wondered if you needed. Then I found myself submerged in wonderful, dense, fullsome, involved writing of great skill and complexity. There are so many images and ideas and beautifully painted pictures that stopping the read felt a little like coming up for air out of a sea.

This clearly deserves proper time to read - and I shall be doing that. Very impressive and hugely enjoyable. On my shelf for shelving when my backlog clears.
Cariad.

LF40 review
Partly enamoured of the characters but mostly of the writing, I am very glad to back this novel especially because I admire novelty and innovation. It's hard work and I don't know whether i want to criticise at this stage or whether if I read far further on, I would find there was a purpose to the fitting and flitting. i guess there may well be. I read it as a relative stranger to that part of the world, happy to be struck by the differences, and that includes your style and structure. Backed.
Lara
A RELATIVE INVASION

Andrew - the return read. As I tell everyone, I've no literary training nor ever published so feel free to deal with these comments as you wish. People do intrigue me and your simple bio suggests a far more interesting person than the one shown there.

One of the more philosophical openings to Authonomy. I would be so bold as to disagree with Jack's opening line - I've found simple practical people do keep quiet about their lives, but thats a debating point and I'm reading.

Then the prologue - wonderful! I'm always wary of prologues but the switch from Jack's thoughts to Swene and the flabbergaster is excellent. You've not included a comedy tag for this but the humour is stong there and solid. You've a very unique voice and one that stands out on Authonomy. It's literary side dominates,and says much about you personally - you suggest a powerful story yet have said little and the intrigue is there to want to read more.

If I can make any suggestions its two things - firstly your writing IS very unique; I've no literary training but yours suggests you have. And that's my question - where is the market. The next is related and that's pace. I'm hooked and the humour behind this read drips constantly but I've a sense it could become heavy as I read - just a sense at this stage and you surely want me to keep turning pages.

Structure - when I saw 117 and a short paragraph I hesitated, then later understood these were years - perhaps add the word 'year' for us simpler folks?

I'm bouncing around years now, impressed by the writing itself and sucked in by the images you portray. The flow isn't quite there for me as I'd like in a read, yet I'm intrigued to see where this is going. I'm trying to find a benchmark with previous reads I can latch onto; where is this story taking me; who are the MC's? That openingline for 1962 with Newcastle Brown on a piano must break many rules yet it works brilliantly encompasing life at that time.

Typos forget - this is an intellectual read. The Japanese navy germinating here .....

And that was my first impression after reading Chapter 1. You've mademe think,and you've made me smile. I'm intrigued by each scene and awed by your writing - but I'm not reading this as a story that flows but a series of scenes, almost disconnected. The Newcastle theme and Swene is there but each time I feel I've a safety net as your reader, you whisk me somewhere else.

Chapter 2 and I've reread the synopsis and yes you've described it as a sketchbook of Geordie life.

The whole section on the Mauritania is a superb example of this read as a whole. It's powerful writing moves from the simplest of sentences to the longest. Geordie life shines through in all it's tainted glory. History is being made as the duchess seeks escape. It's a wonderful scene and the more so because I have some knowledge of the place and history in the wider context.

Andrew - I've read 4 Chapters. There's more of a story there in Chapter 4, and maybe that's what I'm seeking. I'd rate your writing as some of the best I've ever read here and I don't do false praise. It teases at the readers intellect, pulls at the heart strings with it's historical notes... and yet.... its not a story, more as you indicate a sketchbook.. perhaps a scrapbook of Geordie history. Each scene is excellent but for those who don't know the place and it's people they've no connect to allow them into this read.

I wish I had the experience to advise. You can certainly write and can only think if this could be put together along a direct historical timeline it may come across as moreof a developing story, the average reader can associate with. And you are more than an average truck driver. I'll give you some shelf-time and hope others with more experience can advise. Best. Steve.

LF40 Review
After only reading chapter one (being done in by the microscopic print for the last third of it) I can only stand back in great respect for the writer's craft that never wavers throughout. This is a densely written piece in which every word seems so carefully placed it would, in many sections, be mistaken for poetry, I think. The use of imagery is so very deft and consistent with the tone I would want to keep this if only to learn from it and point it out for others. Phrases like "leaned from his gums like gravestones form a cliff," or "... atomosphere of disagreement, uncertainty, and flying arrows" when describing the scene in the pub just after the segment on Harry Percy (such sly humour) were only two of so many I stopped writing that I found perfectly placed and worded.

The novel is what it says: an ocellus, a bird's eye view of the world of the part of Northeast England that became Tyneside. Little snapshots of time periods so eloquently described in segments so perfectly distilled for the events they represent. We see an inventor at his creative moment; Harry Percy in a definitive battle; Keelmen at a turning point in their lives; as well as Little Billy and Swene characters who are the common men-- one threading his way through some of these time periods, born over again and again into the tumult and struggle that is life in this region. We're seeing the heroes that are the common men and those that are prominant enough in wealth and class that worked their into the annals of history.

This is a work that must be read carefully and in small considered segments to draw all the beauty and imagery evoked by such a piece. For me as a historian, it rings of Braudel in its consideration of a region, a broad brush stroke in some sense that is viewed always ominsciently, the bird's eye view on par with the gods, as we understand the workings of these humans are to be viewed as a collective. But will these few heroes, ordinary and otherwise redeem this region, or will they themselves become wreckages, beaten by the greater forces that overtake the region, for even when traveling to the future, we see in chapter 1 there is little to see...

There is little I can say in the way of suggestions or comments that you might consider. One little sentence offered a questionable word for me. In sentence you write "lightning beamed down and painted all flesh blue." Wonderful, loved it except that "beamed" didn't quite work for me. It's too passive, lacking the energy that lightning suggests. Beam seems better for the sun. I won't insult you and suggest a replacement. I would rather wonder what you would come up with knowing that it would be better than what I could do. Kristin

Title: single name titles are always good.

Cover: squinting at my screen to try to see it more clearly, but it looks impressive in thumbnail so I'll assume it's even more impressive full size.

Short pitch: I'm hooked immediately. I love Newcastle and I've been known to write time travelling tales myself.

Long pitch: you have about three long pitches here. Too much? Maybe. It feels jumbled together, but maybe the book's like that.

Foreword: I'm not entirely convinced you need the Foreword. It's not exactly a gripping read, though it picks up at 'There is guilt in forgetfulness...'

Prologue: Lots of people are put off by prologues. It might be safer to call it Chapter one, short though it is. No, maybe not. (I'm always disagreeing with myself in these reviews.) Keep it as a prologue. It's one of the very few I've read so far that earns its keep.

Chapter one: The first paragraph is masterful and convinces me that your initial Foreword really isn't necessary. Far better to plunge the reader as quickly as possible into this dazzling writing. It never lets up. Episode after episode, darting back and forth, moving effortlessly through the time stream. I can't help wondering where the glue is to tie everything together. Yes, there's Swene himself, but is he going to be enough? Are you going to create a story arch of any kind? At this point I have not the faintest idea how, but judging by the pitch, I think you'll manage it.

General view: quite the most imaginative work I've seen on this site so far. A real tour de force.

An incredible manuscript, Andrew. Your leaps through time are like a ride in the Tardis. Full of colour and intricity
and some lovely descriptive pieces. What I like about this is that you can stop and start anytime without losing the thread of the story. Though some sentences are a little strong, I'm not distracted by this myself. Great front book cover by the way.

Backed and on w/l.

Kate Grimes - LIZZIE- CUPPA TALES - TALES OF WILLOW GREEN - ANNIE

Kate

I love this. It’s different. I’m with Bill on the poetry front. I like it unfocussed.

Some suggestions. Brevity:
“A Geordie sketchbook [full stop]”

“It’s a difficult thing for a practical man to keep silent [full stop]”

I’d break up paragraphs as well.

“There was the charabanc pulling out of the junction.”

[New para] The universe brought them together.”

I love the character name Swene, but it’s close to swine. So close, I’d love it to be Swine.

Anyway, it’s brilliant. Six stars. And on my WL

At first, I had a little trouble reading this. I kept losing myself in the long sentences and sentences connected with commas rather than periods. I started over and read it as though I would poetry rather than prose. I heard Alan Ginsberg in my head (more specifically the actor who played him in HOWL which you can stream on netflix) and began enjoying it immensely.

I think you got on my watchlist after reading one of your posts saying you were lazy and didn’t even do mutual masturbation-- made me laugh. Hope that was you.

Best
Bill Scott
Haktaw Heart
PS - I’d like to open a pub and name it The Mutton Jaw and Tooth

Ocellus

I think that the long pitch is a bit rambling, unfocused and involved and I found myself drifting off which wouldn’t encourage me to buy. The cover is great however and the title is intriguing. Please take everything that I say with an enormous pinch of salt, I comment as I go and it tends to get a bit seat of the pants. Hope that is OK.

The style is different, now I do love different and I think I can see what you are doing here, however I think it needs something and I can’t for the life of me say what it is. I want to like it, I feel as though I should but there is something not quite working. I read on.

I feel that I need placing in the moment better, it took me too long to realise what was going on with the mutton jaw and the teeth and so on. Once I caught on I was happy. I think that you are going for sparse and maybe, just maybe it is a little too sparse – I don’t know this is very different and although that is not necessarily a bad thing, no indeed, I don’t think it is good that I need to read things twice, once I realised that it was golf well then I appreciated the humour. Maybe if we had seen the surroundings it would have helped. I loved the moon gulping.

Ah now this is much better 1906 I am located and able therefore to enjoy the clever writing.

1388

This is very well done I think, it is unusual but in a good way and it seems that the research has been thorough which makes me comfortable to go with the flow.

I think that some of the sentences would be better cut up rather than split with commas. I have this problem myself and thanks to the advice of many people on this site have realised that shorter sentences are actually more powerful. IMHO.

You have a fascinating style and a clever turn of phrase and I applaud your bravery with this piece because it is certainly different. I would much rather have this in a book it needs concentration and the night draws on. I wish you luck with it and will come back and read more when I am less fatigued in the meantime I will give you some stars.

I think you really should look at your long sentences and question seriously where an "and" could replace a comma. Your long sentences really should be trimmed to give them focus. They seem to me long not because of nuance of detail but because of extraneous detail which makes them unfocused.

You have an ear for unique descriptions. But the descriptions gets bogged down in long sentences. Take the first sentence. The part of the grass and the sleepy parishioners do not belong to that sentence. The focal point of the sentence is the couple and their sex. Adding the grass and parishioners made my mind go left field.
The sentence is improperly punctuated. The "acourting" should be set off in its own comma from the couple. It modifies the couple. Oh else, "the couple acourting" sounds like another phrase. And I was straining to find what was the subject of that sentence. You probably want, "acourting with all smiles and unbuttons"

Does the suspicious of worms and omnivores referring to the epistles or the sleepy parishiohers or the couple? Probably the couple. But the couple had been frollicking in the grass and didn't care about the mushrooms so they couldn't be really suspicious of worms and omnivores. If it refers to the epistles then there should be no comma.

The first paragraph of the next paragraph. does the" bubbling like hot mud", refer to the water or the Mauretania? With the comma, it would suggest that it modifies the Mauretania. Then I'm at loss to figure out how that is possible. The image conjured up so far for the Mauretania is that of a ship. The bubbling must refer to the water, so therefore there shouldn't be a comma. Besides, "The water" refers to a specific water, and you haven't mentioned any earlier. so my question is what water?

Lauguishing magnificently is a overkill. The magnificently is already captured with the million phrases you stacked on to the subject. And the last comma of the sentence shouldn't be there or "uncertain" would seem to modify "proud girth and staunch presence" (by the way, i think the adjective aren't needed) instead of the tyne God.

"the crowd" What crowd? You explain later. But, I as the reader shouldn't have to ask myself that question.

The sentence with the dowager is really too long. Too many ideas squashed in one sentences and I wonder what is the purpose. It seemed to me that main point of the paragraph was the introduce the ship sinking and the dowager. After that long sentence on the dowager, I'm afraid, the dowager is still unknown to me. If she is to be important, it pays to give her a sharper focus.

"A facet of the human condition.." That sentence took me out of the story. The important part of the sentence is the later part about scrutiny and secrecy. The part about the human condition is just confusing, and I think not the right word. How would "the human condition" deem anything? Let alone a facet of it? I think you can lose all the before "a degree of .." and be clearer. or it just seems to me like you're trying too hard and failing to sound like George Elliot.

The necessity of friction sentence really lost me. you mix technical detail with historical detail. And the matter at hand is that of the two fellows being careless with the engine . And I come away having no visual detail on what exactly is going on.

The part about Odo lost me. I wondered what was the purpose of the paragraph, his diamond balls or the war that just occurred. Even then the detail was all cerebral, nothing visual to hook me.

On top of the dense prose, the several time periods are confusing for me. I think you should consider simplifying the structure quite a bit. I would say you should arrange everything from Swene's view. That way, the reader can connect through a single character across the times.

It does get easier to read after a few paragraphs. But I feel I'm straining too much for very little enjoyment or insight. I can't read past the second chapter. But that is just my personal opinion and a reflection of my tastes.

I felt I wanted pictures between each leap in time like a child's picture book. Perhaps my brain was yearning for something pictorial to make sense of the connectedness of the writing. You know this is challenging because other reviewers have told you so and I suspect you wrote it to be so. My take is it has the hallmarks of one of those visually rich films that throw many scenes at you and then you are struck somewhere after the first third with the emerging reason for everything. It requires patience from the viewer/reader. Some of your reviewers are from the Authonomy top drawer so it is obvious you have a depth that intrigues lit fic writers. This may be one of those that needs to be a film to make it with a more general audience.

Gripping prologue - liked it, although the sentence structure is not reader friendly.

This reads like a Hugh Fox work - which probably isn't good news for me as I'm not a fan: very creative, very colourful, totally exhausting and makes no allowances for its readers. A psychodellic butterfly on speed.

This is different, distinctive, but not for me, I'm afraid. I didn't feel the imperative to read on. I guess your readers will either get it, or not.

J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

LF40 Review:

Prologue:

Be nice if you slipped a couple of short sentences in there Andrew. When you have a loose sentence, followed by another loose sentence, and then another, is just drains away any tension. It’s certainly an intriguing start though.

C1:

I like how you’re throwing all these details at me, but I’m a little worried they’re getting lost in each paragraph. Would it read clearer if each paragraph was broke up a little? Would it give it a different tempo – a more definite beat?

Second sentence of 1342 is one clause too long for me.

The only downside of this fluttering around is I don’t know where I should be focusing. I feel as though I need someone to take me by the hand and guide me.

You know what? Call me old fashioned, but I feel like I want just one scene to start with, just so I know who I’m with and where we’re about to set off to. You’ve shot off like a rocket, but I’m not sure whether I’m with you.

It would be easier to digest if you broke these paragraphs down a little. I’m looking at the screen, I enjoy your words, your voice, but it’s quickly becoming a blur to me. Perhaps you’re too pure for my liking? I doubt you’d compromise – and nor should you – but I’m not sure that this is a book I can get through, and I’ve read more than my fair share of Burroughs.

In conclusion Mr McEwan, your literary dexterity is admirable; it’s a very poetic piece and I truly want to like it because there is much to admire, but it’s bloody exhausting! I found it a struggle to piece together the narrative. I found it difficult to hold any one character in my mind or get a good impression of them. Maybe, I’m a bit thick? Maybe, it’s a little too late in the day to have my feeble mind stretched like this? I was hoping that you’d take the foot off the gas and some stage and let me digest it all and get my bearings, but you’ve galloped on ahead like an Emu with its arse on fire.

I’m sorry that I can’t offer any useful or enlightening critique. It’s a unique piece and I’ll always applaud someone who sticks their neck out and tries something different. But on this occasion it’s just not for me.

Best Wishes

Iso

Atavism, comes to mind.
I worried at first about the punctuation, the seamless folding from one idea to the next, then forgave it, and was led by you.
Each date seguing to revelation, with absolutely stunning writing. Wonderful and distinct, a writer who can separate his personality from its creation. Each cameo mirroring another, earlier, or prompting the welcome of ones to come. I suspect there will be the issue of punctuation- to prove the omissions were deliberate and not down to clumsy handling.
My concern would be that its terrain may require some contrast, that it does roll from one poem to another, (I use poem, because to me they are) without introduction, or nod to the reader. We have to be very quick to pick up the nuance. Not everyone will be patient enough for that.
I particularly liked the 1962 bar entry. But all I read, including the pitch, which in this case actually prepares me for the content, was near fabulous.

I'll back this next week. I have starred, and watchlisted

Hooray - literary fiction that is actually literary fiction :) I liked your opening paragraph - and the yonderscope, what a great word. I was confused though - I wonder if you're perhaps trying to introduce too many things, concepts, people to us all in one go - once we got to Bloodaxe I was at saturation point ...
The writing is beautiful, you have some beautiful turns of phrase here - "the sun painted blotches on the pavement", "lightning beamed down and painted all flesh blue", "rightness, wrongness or otherwiseness".(roughly - annoying as always that we can't cut and paste!) I have to work quite hard to concentrate and get the full meaning of your sentences because they are so packed with meaning and description - and not everyone will like that, some people just like an easy read but for those of us who love literary fiction the effort pays off, you concentrate through the descriptions and they're very evocative. (Wow, that's not well written - I'm writing as I think - sorry!)
Tiny nit - I'm confused about the tooth. The tooth has fallen out of the jaw? And now he's swinging the jaw at it?
Also, I don't like "deposited" here - "was deposited" or "deposited itself" or another verb entirely might work better.
I love your imaginative use of language. It reads like poetry in places. I don't always follow what's going on because I get caught up in the words themselves - but I don't mind that, in fact I quite like it. Highly starred and deservedly so.

i like this story, truth be told, though i don't entirely realize it, perhaps because of the phrases, which jump from time to time, with about as much waring as my boss gives me for my breaks, changing from day to day, like the deli's, a tribute to the marriage of economy and the healthful, soup, though they know a meat one is usually the favorite. this time traveller whose notes i susupect support this piece, a spine, though i am sure not where or how he gets off, even with the dates, or what he likes for that matter, a fixation for the tyne assuredly, commerce and beer, which both flow with no doubt, and provide comedy enough, and reveal, though how do we get such ominoptence, from a man with an eye piece even. i love short chapters, i like there arrangements by dates and notes. if the thing didn't make me turn off my radio to read i would like it even more. i will star it well, put in on my book shelf and go back for more of the story, i only read the first couple pages here, if you could would you take a look at one of the pieces i have up, wish you well

LF 40 Review

I looked at 1,2, 5 and 8 - just tripping on the rhythm. The writing seemed dense when I first began, but I think I've got the hang of it. I'm not a fan of reading books on a screen, and this is a perfect example why. This needs to be in print, something I can get my hands on and flip back through the pages from time to time. I lean toward magical realism and time travel in my own writing and greatly enjoy that aspect of Ocellus. (Not sure where the title ties in from what I've looked at so far. Is it a reference to true eye holes or those of the peacock feather variety?)

Anyway, I like this, it's pretty well polished, and the writing is first rate. I'm putting it on my shelf and will be back for more.

G.
Einstein's Road Trip

Almost forgot to mention - in the first paragraph, 'whatever that upstart Edison said.', put me off. It feels like a stretch for humor that is unnecessary and I think falls flat, Since the Edison reference is understood, I think it would work better left at that.

LF40 Review

I have to say that it is very very difficult to write successful long sentences. My tendency is to write very short sentences and to break up the sentences of anyone who writes long ones. But your sentences work. It is a gift to be able to write interesting and engaging long sentences and I really mean that. Loved the prologue. I'm already hooked. Don't change a thing.

Are these chapter numbers dates? If so, very confused by 1. CE? BCE? Huh?

117 - also confused.

1906 - first sentence - I think you mean "their rightness..."
I liked this section - a bit confused as to how the twin died - it fell down? Or was dead at birth?

I really like the cadence of your sentences in general. Your "voice" - the words flow, the narrative is interesting. I am enjoying this read. But there are a lot of confusing bits that I hope will resolve themselves. This is reminding me a lot of Connie Willis - I think it's The Doomsday Book?

I'm also finding many parts humorous as I read.

I understand that each number is a year and I hope that you are setting it up such that there are a finite amount of years because already I am getting a bit confused and finding it hard to follow the characters and the years. But okay. I will keep reading.

By the end of your first chapter I am really confused - I think there are way too many dates. I feel like you need to pick 5-10 and stick with them, or go sequentially because the skipping around is making it very hard to follow a narrative. I kept flipping back in the narrative to see if any of the dates corresponded to one another so I could follow the train of thought and the characters but none of them matched up.

Also, it takes quite a bit of time until we have the first mention of a time machine. Perhaps this should come earlier?

There are some passages at the end of the first chapter that are very very long and may leave your reader skimming the passages. You might to better to break them up a bit - easier on the eyes.

Overall I really liked this style of writing and the cadence and flow of your sentences, but had trouble wanting to read past chapter one because the constant changing of the dates was frustrating me. I really do think there is huge potential here but a bit more consistency and background - giving a bit more of a narrative feel would really help.

All the best,

Rena (Bunderful)

Andrew,

I've been dipping in and out of 'Ocellus' for the last week or so. This is such an original piece of work -beautiuflly written- a huge, sprawling tapestry, flitting back and forth in time and place. You reference everyone from Alan Price (and I remember that scene with the bottle and the piano from 'Don't Look Back' ) to Queen Victoria, with the time traveller Swene popping up every now and then. The fragmented style takes some getting used to. The nature of short chapters, seeminly unconnected may prove off-putting, a stumbling block when trying to get interest from agents and publishers. But, when trawling through lists myself, I've noticed independents like Flambard Press (based in Northumberland, I think) who may take a special interest in 'Ocellus' as its rooted in the North East.

For me, your short pitch works well. Not so sure about the longer one. You might want to streamline it, make it a little more focused and direct.

That said, a unique and engaging piece of work. I like this a lot, and am happy to give it a long run on my shelf.

Regards

Neil 'The Butterfly and the Wheel'

OCELLUS

a LF40 review

COVER: Its okay I suppose...could definitely use an added title (let me know if I can help!) Visually my eyes glaze over the image, definitely wouldn't stop me in a bookstore, nor does it convey anything recognizable from your pitches...other than maybe its a picture taken in NE England and that the story is about people from the past who rode bicycles.

TITLE: A quick google search gave an understanding but really if I saw the title in a book store I'd walk on by.

SHORT PITCH:
Feels a bit too everything and the kitchen sink...and well, possibly off putting unless you're into the history of Newcastle...if you are, I bet its a real draw.

LONG PITCH:
Possibly the second paragraph would work better as the starter...don't know...this isn't moving me to want to read the story. sorry.
It presents a "hey look! I can bake, but I'm going to throw in chocolate chips, caramel, coconut, white sugar, brown sugar, honey, candy bits, and sprinkles on top...and hope you don't find it cloying."
Some...basic ingredients presented might attract more?
The last line almost makes me want to stop reading right here...even if that's the case and you want a reader to know it was intentionally done...do you think that's a great selling point? why not just let the reader find it out on their own and learn from your writing skills of your intent?

TEXT:
I must admit to enjoying an opening line that has a character lying in shit...

The prologue says "I love fantasy, Douglas Adams and others of his writing type, so enjoy!" = a good set up for those who like these stories.

Really? A reader wants a list like that from the start? hm...maybe. Made me want to skip by it.

Sorry Andrew, I'm sure you will find readers that have an interest in this. There has to be something of poetic fascination or story grip to make me want to read styled fiction like this and I'm sorry but neither are there for me, but that isn't to say others won't find it highly magnetic and I hope that is so.

Best of luck!
-=Bradley

The ambition of this I find inspiring, a wake-up call to the mind. I love the North East and will take this away with me to read, and report back at the end of this week.

This is poetry. I admit my head spins and it's not a quick read, but I shall return when I have time to savour it. A five star effort.

Love what I’ve read of this. It’s pretty unusual here to stumble upon exciting prose, quirky traction and adventurous architecture all in one ms. I look forward to having a proper read of this during the week.

Fabulous writing. Hugely impressed with what I've read of this.

Andrew
As a fellow Geordie I couldn't resist a peak at this. Best way to describe Ocellus is like one of those tins where when you remove the lid, a squashed up snake comes bursting out to surprise you. This is jampacked with interesting facts and snippets all related in a unique way. It took me a little while to get my head around the jumping back and forward but found I was scouring for names and events that I recognised. To my delight most of your entries included something familiar. I was shocked by the kidnapping of children in the 1700's for the purpose of stealing their organs and particularly enjoyed the humour of the account of the giant spider. I found myself scanning for references such as architect John Dobson and Stephenson's rocket. Even the reference to Hilton Valentine made me smile, my son went to school with his daughter. Okay, upto ch4 and I've had to put the lid on the tin for now...but I'll be back.
This is refreshingly different. Thank you for sharing.
Babs