Murder Under A Dark Sky

Dear Elizabeth, If you work on the grammer and spellin, there is no telling where this book can roll to! Believe me! Strong emotions come up while reading it! The reality grips and eats at you. Language is of its own style. please do this!
lovely.
Josphine

Thank you so much for your valued feedback. I do appreciate this tremendously. I take every bit of advice and help on board. I have written on my about me section regarding my grammar and spelling. I died twice when I was younger and well I see it in my head that it makes sense. It's only when others point it out that I click on to where the errors have occurred. However when it comes to the crunch I will have to do everything within my knowledge to correct such mistakes.
Thank you for your honesty.
The best of luck,
Kind Regards,
Elizabeth.

Dear Elizabeth, If you work on the grammer and spellin, there is no telling where this book can roll to! Believe me! Strong emotions come up while reading it! The reality grips and eats at you. Language is of its own style. please do this!
lovely.
Josphine

John Thompson shows compassion that is rare.
I read the six chapters and was absorbed right away.
You tell this story without going over the top. That gives it meaning.

Thank you very much for the comment. I highly appreciate it. I actually wanted to do something different with this book that is not cliche' I wanted my lead character to be someone who actually gives a dam. So many other stories I have read is well another body dead no big deal its apart of work. But I want him to be roped up into it. I am working on 7 other novels so i am a busy writer. But I have been adding more to Murder Under A Dark Sky that is for sure. Thank you very much for your comment. :)

John Thompson shows compassion that is rare.
I read the six chapters and was absorbed right away.
You tell this story without going over the top. That gives it meaning.

I love the idea and wish the best of luck to you with developing it into a best selling book, Elizabeth! The book is really worth reading! When you've polished it, Murder Under A Dark Sky will shine and attract a huge following!

Stars strewn for you in abundance!
Ivan Amberlake

Thank you very much Janny for your feedback.

A lot of people are telling me it reminds them of a comic book. I am happy it reminds people of something. But at the end of the day I envision things differently, I see a story of a man coming to terms with his ordeals in life none that anyone should ever go through.

I can see the irony of how people perceive my main character how he tries to find justice and fight crime just like a lot of the comic book heros.
But at the end of the day when all is said and done, there are homicide investigators out there doing exactly what my main character is doing, they seek justice and solve crimes for unspeakable acts. To find answers to the love ones left behind wanting answers.
I thank you so much for your compliments and feedback.
I wish you all the best with your book. Reach for the dream that we are all seeking. I hope you get your work published one of these days. Even my own book as well. One never knows what happens in life.

Thanks again Janny
from Elizabeth.

Ok here’s my thoughts after reading chapter one. I love the premise. It’s the short pitch for this that initially caught my attention so I was delighted when the style continues inside. It has a fun comic book feel to it. Reminds a bit of an old captain America cartoon. It’s not my usual genre so I don’t know but I imagine there is possibly a good niche market there for this type of book. It’s punchy and fast paced.
You drop a nice little bit of back story in without burying the reader in monotonous detail. I like how you write of his bitter divorce with his selfish wife. Gives the reader the opportunity to connect with the MC.
Writing in the 1st person is never easy. The MC must be convincing or the narrative is lost. You do this well so bravo.
On the technical side it needs a tidy up, comma’s in funny places etc. But you explain that it’s a rough draft so I’m sure you know the mistakes are there without me moaning on about them. Best of look with this.
Janny

Thank you for your feedback back when I first started writing this I shared my first few chapters with a friend and they said a grafic comic would be great also. I have had a few people call my lead character a comic book type hero when I have just seen him as a man whose life has been so heart broken and torn. There is a lot more to this novel. But I just added the first 6. :) thank you for reading it. :)

Thank you for your feedback back when I first started writing this I shared my first few chapters with a friend and they said a grafic comic would be great also. I have had a few people call my lead character a comic book type hero when I have just seen him as a man whose life has been so heart broken and torn. There is a lot more to this novel. But I just added the first 6. :) thank you for reading it. :)

I really like the style and concept of this. The execution is pretty rough in terms of grammar/spelling, etc.

You know what I think would be the best thing for this? Turn it into a comic book. Find an aspiring comic book artist (who's good) and make a graphic novel. The style you present here would be great for a graphic novel, and the protagonist is almost a superhero-esque detective anyway. Especially with the gore you display in the novel, there could be some great imagery created by linking your words with good comic book art.

I enjoyed reading it.

Thank you for your feedback Joshua, this is my first story and I am very new to this. But I am trying.

The story of how he founds Laura will actually come about later in the story.. ( it is still in the works ) I have done more chapters than the ones I have here. I have written over 206 pages of my novel and I will still continue on with it. I am writing six over novels at the moment and I just wanted to share things with you and everyone on how the story currently stands ( well the first 6 chapters anyway ) hehe.
All the best.. :)

Your premise is outstanding. This is the type of story I would want to pick up and read. However, as you mentioned, this is a rough draft and needs a lot of editing. My main suggestion is to begin the story with action. Maybe have him discover Laura's body in real-time or something along those lines. Right now you have John basically just telling us about her death. The emotion, the pain, the tension is lost because it's all being told to us. Instead, show us what happened. Take your reader there. Paint a picture with your words. I'd love to help clarify this if you need me to. Just let me know.

Thank you Kirk. :) I appreciate that comment very much.. I am trying to see this book do well. This is a draft, so if you see some errors along the way, please forgive me for it.. I am a first timer. Even though I have been writing since I was just 9 years of age, most of that was just poetry.
If you type "Murder Under A Dark Sky" in twitter you can see the a clip about it a dear fan and friend did it for me. :) All the best.
From Elizabeth.

Great beginning. I Like it. I like the part where the main character say, "Call me John Thompson, I figh tcrime, I see crime .. I am the law."
It's like a mixture of the old TV show "Dragnet" and the comic book anti-hero "Judge Dread".
Had to back it.
All the best
Kirk
"How to Steal a Lion"

Great beginning. I Like it. I like the part where the main character say, "Call me John Thompson, I figh tcrime, I see crime .. I am the law."
It's like a mixture of the old TV show "Dragnet" and the comic book anti-hero "Judge Dread".
Had to back it.
All the best
Kirk
"How to Steal a Lion"

Oh No.. :-/ I have added the wrong draft to the site.. >_< I added the wrong file.. Sorry for the mix up.. But thanks for pointing that out..
Hmmm I added the wrong draft.. I will make a note about it on my about me section.. Thank you.

Hi Elizabeth: Got your message and have read the first chapter.
I don't think he knows that his niece was on his lap straggling her as he is not there. Also was a little confused his parents are murdered and his father's mother died at birth followed by his parents. I assume that the great grandparents died in an accident. A great deal of family tragedies in the first chapter.
Will WL and get back to the book
Always J

Thank you very much Tony you are the first one to comment.
I appreciate it. I know things about my book is not up to standard it is just a rough draft. I am writing six novels and then life gets in the way. So it is time consuming but I have always enjoyed writing.

Best of luck with you and your endeavours!

Elizabeth - Hello!

Welcome to Authonomy. Your pitch is attractive. The opening sentence though is intriquing. When the world is coming down on one investigator to find a killer, will he find (it) before time runs out? IT suggests an animal or human.. Just three errors: it should be their (possessive) rather than there (positional) in paragraph 2. I will come back to your book later. Best Regards. Tony Brady.