Magic of the Frogs

I utterly adore this magical tale. It has all the elements needed for a perfect fairy tale, and is superbly written. Bastion is likable, the names you used for the snakes are imaginative and fun (Morgana especially is one I enjoyed!), I can't wait to read on and learn more about that adorable little sprite! The whole thing just sparkles with magic.

I wish I could say more about it, but I don't think I can, it has quite literally left me speechless. This deserves a place on the ED!

Well done, very highly starred!

RK Summers
The Albion Pages

The Magic of the Frogs is a sweet little tale. My girls are lovers of magical stories and this did not disappoint! Reading a bit every night, they enjoyed the cliffhangers and the suspenseful moments, and the magic of it all. Of course the best loved children's tales are full of talking animals and the tiny creatures that children naturally give a voice to. Bastion is a lovable hero, cute, funny and bold to boot. Larien, the imp, added a great element of femininity to the story and my little princess drank her up. This story is simple, a sweetness reminiscent of Little Bear or Wind-in-the-Willows while bearing all of the heroism of a true adventure. The best part for me is the mature sentence structure level of reading skill required. It is difficult for me to find books that are fun and exciting for the girls to read. Its a delicate balance, finding something that is not so long that they lose interest but challenging enough to help them sharpen their reading skills. Chapter books are often so simply written, not allowing a child's mind to be challenged. The Magic of the Frogs strikes the balance, providing enough strong characters to keep the child wanting to read while secretly teaching them better literacy skills. I highly recommend this story and I would love to see more of this caliber on the shelf in the children's books section. Well done JJ Marro!

"Magic of the Frogs"

An excellent read for young kids as well as a frog lover and magic lover of any age. Writing specifically for children is very challenging but is done incredibly well here. It makes for an entertaining read and will leave anyone that dives into it hungry for more.

Well done. I hope it gets published.

Roxanne

I'm reviewing this for my wife, drenkey. She asked me to read it with our seven-year-old son. We really enjoyed it so far (4 chapters).

My seven-year old felt that the main character, Bastion, was very interesting and the snakes were creepy villians. He was in suspense through 4 chapters and then we took a break. He rated it "5 out of 6" and would recommend the story for his age group (7-10 years old). In the final publishing, he would like small illustrations on each page like the "How to Train Your Dragon" fantasy series.

When asked for a constructive critique, my seven-year old said, "When Bastion was walking around the pond or town, he wasn't really doing anything."
Or, I translated that to mean the character development and scene settings are very good but may be a little too in-depth for 7 year olds.

Great job!
A few typos throughout:
"looking for an agent, if intrested: joseph.marro@kci1.com"

Back to Covington:
Twirling it above his head he casted it at Mr. Bass, The string...
He pulled the line from Bastions hand...
...while a slight smile came to the old frogs face as he pictured Bastion getting his just deserves (desserts).
I swore to him if he did it again, he become fish bait.
A chorus of snickers, (delete comma) and mullfed laughter came down from the walls
His curiosities and adventuresome nature _ well, it...

The premise of a talking frog who walks around on his hind legs is interesting and new. I wasn't sure I'd like this when I first started reading, as I'm not usually into this type of children's book. However, about halfway through the first chapter as Bastion meets Larien the imp, you got my attention. When she remained vague about her purpose there, you created unanswered questions that made me want to keep reading. Then you introduced the serpents at the end, which developed an even greater sign of conflict. By the end of the chapter, you had my interest. I do wonder, though, if there is a way you can get to these sooner. I know most young readers will put a book down within the first page or two if they're not hooked. Then again, the idea of a talking frog might be enough to keep their interest.

As for your writing, it's top-notch. It's obvious from what I've read that you're an excellent writer. Keeping this on my WL for more reading :)

Magic of the Frogs is just THAT--magical. I haven't read a children's book in some time, but I can honestly say this is great, especially for children and for teenagers and adults its very fanciful and splendid. It's pace is neat and constant, the characters are brilliant in their design, your writing is sublime, and the story itself as a whole is wonderful. Very spectacular! Great job.

JC Whitfield-The Misery Jar

CHIRG
Hi Sebastion,
a return read for your support of Mr Unusually's Circus of Dreams. Thanks again for that.

This is a classy, elegant & delightful read, which I'm sure would appeal to many younger children.

My only niggle was that it is at times too gentle and could do with a bit more oomph. At the moment I think it's a bit too 'Beatrix Potter'/'Wind in the Willows' for the modern market. Children's publishing has changed so much since Harry Potter and this has affected what is being published for all ages. I think you might need to spice things up a bit! Of course, feel free to ignore this, it is just my opinion, I'm not an expert, but I do try and follow the market closely and I've got three little ones, so I read a lot of children's fiction.

These are the notes I made whilst I was reading:

Not sure about the pitches, they are a little too gentle. Here, and in your first line you need to really grab the reader by the lapels. Give them no choice but to read on.

The first line in particular needs to pack more punch. Especially if you’re writing for children, whose attention spans are shortened by playing on iphones, computers, Wii etc. You start with a frog day-dreaming. It’s a little staid. In fact the whole few paragraphs are just too gentle, nothing really happens. As soon as any character sits down and ruminates (in any book) the pace becomes funereal. If you must have a character sitting and daydreaming, put it later on in the book when we are emotionally invested enough to be interested. But Chp1 is too early. The descriptions are lovely, but again, start with some action and dialogue and describe as you go along.
You have better first lines later on...
“Frogs are always in search of tasty bugs and the pond was a buffet of flying delights.” This has some movement in it and the food element always appeals to children.
OR
you could start with “He did not hop and bounce like a normal frog” and continue from there. Once he is moving the story starts to have a bit more oomph and pace.
OR
“Bastion counted on his sharp sight and keen hearing to avoid...” that’s got a bit of tension in it and there’s more movement & dialogue from there so the pace is much better.

Hope this isn't too harsh. I know that you're getting a little frustrated with your ranking, I really think changing this first chapter a little would help. Add a bit more zing and action and you'll do great.

Once you have your characters moving and talking, things are fine and zip along at a good pace. The writing is excellent and there is a lovely underlying humour which is very appealing.

All the best with this,
6 stars from me and hoping to see you climb further.
Sharda.

Hi, Good and childrens book I would think it is, suitable for key stage 2 ish. Great written story and very well imagination. Fine tale. Did you write it down after telling your children a made up story on their demand of topic. I uased to do that, because i had to. Or you planned the story thoughfully.

A frog and grass goes well together. Oh the wizard. Will sell well for key stage 2 reading level. Good thought.

5 stars.

What a great story. I think everyone will fall in love with charming Bastion and this wonderful tale.

Very well written and creative story.

Cody

This is a wonderful tale, and I definitely enjoyed reading the story of Bastion and his friends. It is definitely written with children in mind, but it seems to be closer to a middle school age group or young kids that learn to read quickly. I will definitely support this book on it journey to the top of the ranks. This story reminded me a little bit of wind in the willows except a lot more interesting with the entire village being frogs who were once men. Good luck with this story, you have a great story here.

This is an inviting and wonderful story that kept me coming back for more. I loved the main character of Bastion and actually was able to remember his name after putting the book down. The intended audience is definitely children and I would highly recommend it to them, however adults may enjoy it too. The story does not take itself too seriously and it is likely to make you feel pretty good by the end. This is a story that definitely earns it’s place and I can see why it has so many backers.

Check my blog for a full review:
http://dannyjray.blogspot.com/2012/05/magic-of-frogs.html

This reminded me of Alice in Wonderland. It also ignited memories of when I was child visiting lakes and ponds back home in the Caribbean

This reminded me of Alice in Wonderland. It also ignited memories of when I was child visiting lakes and ponds back home in the Caribbean

This is a wonderful story for children, really well-written and with an interesting premise. The characters are likeable, the language challenging yet not too difficult, and well-suited for the age group. I found it hard to criticise this- it's great, and I'm sure children will love it. Superb stuff.
Emma

This is a wonderful story for children, really well-written and with an interesting premise. The characters are likeable, the language challenging yet not too difficult, and well-suited for the age group. I found it hard to criticise this- it's great, and I'm sure children will love it. Superb stuff.
Emma

This is a wonderful story for children, really well-written and with an interesting premise. The characters are likeable, the language challenging yet not too difficult, and well-suited for the age group. I found it hard to criticise this- it's great, and I'm sure children will love it. Superb stuff.
Emma

Original idea with good style of writing.
However I can't get into the story it just doesn't interest.
The originality could pull people in though to read and see what you have here.
No doubt it is just me, since so many enjoyed it.
Best wishes.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Wonderful book JJ! An engaging, detailed story - but in modern wording, love it! I love that its longer too - kids love a book that's long enough they can really get into it and read for more than a few minutes.

Great job!

RJ Stanley
Why Didn't Someone Tell Me? The Truth About Love

Ran it passed the kids last night - They loved it!!! It was the characterisation that really drew them in, captured their imaginations. The more I read the book the more I realise how brilliantly it carry's the plot. Great story that I've just increased the rating - Good luck!

Creating a sense of humanity from an animal perspective has to be done very well to make the story real/congruent (especially for kids) and this feels congruent when I read it. The real test will be when I read to the kids, mean critics (that's just one name I have for them).
It has impressed me to rate it highly - Good luck with this!

MAGIC of the FROGS
A well written fairy tale!
It will surely cast a spell on the kids.
No magic is needed for this to lure a publisher.
Best Wishes!
TMN
"NEVER LOSE..."

I think frogs are magical...when you think of their metamorphasis from a tadpole to a frog...they are the perfect animal to capture a childs attention...and your writing also does this so incredibly well.

Bastion is quite some character....wow what a frog! In fact even as an adult reading this....its amazing how you soon forget that you're reading about a frog and get caught up in the story. This is down to the quality of your writing...loved the snakes hissing language...excellent!

A perfect childrens read.

Well done and good luck.

No time to read the complete book right now but I can tell at a glance that this is beautifully done and should attract a wide readership. Not just children either. Might need a little tidying up as far as grammar and punctuation are concerned. But that is a minor quibble.

Best wishes

Philip John

Wow. This is beautifully written. I love it. I've put it on my watchlist and will back it as soon as I can decently move things around.

I enjoy chasing frogs. A wonderful tale. Mutley gives it a medal!

This is a charming tale that will lay claim to any child who dares to start it! It belongs on a shelf, right next to Wind in the Willows. Best of luck!
--Tod Schneider
The Lost Wink

I have just finished reading your book to my 5 year old daughter and sons 7 and 9. The boys are fighting over who is Bastion and my daughter is now certain she will grow up to be a sprite. I have promised to read a chapter to them each night but not sure what I'll do when the 11th chapter finishes - perhaps wait until it goes onto the bookshelf. Great writing.

Can't argue with a book about frogs.

I really enjoyed the first 2 chapters of this book - and I agree with Eleanor Raif's comments. Great for children, but written in such a way as to help improve reading skills.

The only quibble I had was the meeting with Bastion and Larien - she is crying hard, then chuckling; I wanted to know why she was looking for Bastion all day but then she disappears saying she has said too much!

Anyway, only minor comment. It's beautifully written and I immediately loved Bastion. Thanks for the read, I'll continue :-)

Cheers, Holly
THE MAD FAUN

This is a book I would have loved to read as a child. Heck, I'm loving to read it now :D Good rating from me

The magic of the words! I would have loved this as a child. Lovely writing. Candy.

I like the first chapter and with more time hope to read the next and next and ....
I'll put you on my watchlist.
Michelle

This is a fascinating story--premise, development, and all. Six stars and I shall back it come Feb. 1.

This is a sweet middle-grades story and I can well understand why it is so popular. It seems very carefully crafted and expertly polished, for the most part. A perfect "read aloud" bedtime story for a group of kids, my husband would have loved to read it to my three boys. The first sentence hung me up, though. In the US we would would say, "...nestled IN the high grass" or "...nestled among the high grassES," since GRASS is a singular word, not a collective thing that you could be AMONG. High Stars! ~Gail [SECRETS WE KEEP]

You have definitely captured my attention right from the start. I love the way you developed your characters. The frog is humorous. The sprite is sassy and daring. The serpents are sly; they remind me of the serpent in the bible. You have used great imagery, and you keep your plot moving along at a nice pace. This is an excellent book.

I found some minor errors you might want to look at. They are all in Chapter 1.

In paragraph 5 it reads Bastion heroic deed. Bastion should be possessive. It should read Bastion's heroic deed

In paragraph 18 and 19 there are some sentence fragments, but they can be corrected quite easily by changing a couple of words. For example in paragraph 18, it reads "Sliding his sword back into its sheath, and kicking the ground." You might consider changing it to something like this: Sliding his sword back into its sheath, he kicked the ground. The first sentence has no subject; thefore, it is a sentence fragment. The portion to the left of the comma is a dependent clause and has no subject. The subject needs to be to the right of the comma. Does that make sense? You can do the same thing with the sentence in paragraph 19.

In paragraph 22, I found one sentence that was missing a comma. "He waded out into the water, and the crying seemed to grow louder." I added the comma.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I wil continue reading. Read mine. Battle of Love. Tina Burton

I hope you don't get offended by my comments. I am new at this, and am not quite sure how this works. To me honest is the best policy.

Thanks,

Tina

Just got around to chapter two and it was as lovely as the first. This is an enchanting tale that's sure to become a classic, like Wind in the Willows!

Just got around to chapter two and it was as lovely as the first. This is an enchanting tale that's sure to become a classic, like Wind in the Willows!

I'm sure kids (and plenty of adults) will love this.
The writing is confident and clear, and the narrative reads easily.

Good luck - you're nearly there!
Diana

Hi JJ
Imaginative. Hoorah for Bastion! A frog with courage and style. Like the hissing language of the serpents.Good combination of dialogue and narrative which will work well for its readers. Lovely story... Backed! Happy New year!

AJK

An enchanting story, full of traditional storytelling talent.
Definitely has all the right things to be a delightful nighttime read.
The Pov is just right and the plot easy to follow and well edited.
Your characters are strong and I was astounded how quickly I forgot the protagonist was indeed a frog, as you brought him to life so easily.
The pitch, pace and power are good and your writing flows exceptionally well.
This tale is well written and well thought out and I would say a magical addition to any child’s book collection.
Well done.

Darling frog tale and Bastion reminds me of Barney Fife. Can't wait to read the finished copy.

High stars and one or two ribbits!
~Kady Colter
Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac

How gorgeous. I'm not a child, but this is for me.

I utterly adore this magical tale. It has all the elements needed for a perfect fairy tale, and is superbly written. Bastion is likable, the names you used for the snakes are imaginative and fun (Morgana especially is one I enjoyed!), I can't wait to read on and learn more about that adorable little sprite! The whole thing just sparkles with magic.

I wish I could say more about it, but I don't think I can, it has quite literally left me speechless. This deserves a place on the ED!

Well done, very highly starred!

RK Summers
The Albion Pages

Hello J J Marro-

book--Magic of the Frogs--

I am so delighted to see this Magical book almost on the editors desk at 13, ranking-

I read this book some 204 days ago and had no hesitation in predicting that it would go the the top; and it did indeed get my six stars to help it on it;s way.

I just glanced at some of it the the the flavour to this brilliant writing, written with such a lightness of touch; yes indeed, it's one feel good read that will be enjoyed by many a child growing up as it finds it's away off the shelves into eager hands. AS i said previously it just OOZES class-

good luck J J Marro.
it gets my six stars just in case due to error i did not punch in before.

tom bye
book-from hugs to kisses-
from hugs to kisses'
mine has been updated and edited quite a lot, please star accordingly if you feel it has enhanced my work.
thanks

Great cover. I like the story. It moves sort of slow at the start, but I don't think that is a bad thing. Kids will like this.

I read this right through over the course of a few nights. It is a great children's book and I can definitely picture myself reading a chapter each night to my boys at bedtime when they're a little older or them reading it to themselves. The writing is nice and concise but you offer some great imagery too. Well-balanced. The chapters are a great length, short but ending in a way as to keep you reading. Very nice work and I wish you all the success with it!
~Laura E. Horning
(Simon Song, Healer's Apprentice.)

Your first chapter, J J, starts a fairy tale that would delight small children and appear suitable to parents or other givers. The characters are charming, the descriptions picturesque, and the action clear. I feel, however, that the first few pages contain too much "telling" to engage your audience and could be better used later on. You might consider going directly from Paragraph One to the frog's meeting with the fairy: "Bastion now noticed that the sun was already in the west." This continues with more "showing"--a scene with some tension and dialogue (though you should explaining why the fairy goes quickly from crying to giggling). As this action unfolds, you could gradually work in Bastion's role as the region's patrolman and the menace of the snakes. Try to end the chapter with a "cliffhanger," some action to induce the audience to read Chapter Two. (Just thoughts as I reflect on famous fairy tales I read long ago.)

Bill Carrigan
("The Doctor of Summitville")

JJ,

I have only read chapter one, but was pleased by what I found.
A lovely scene is painted in simple words. The green moss and grass, fluffy clouds, wild flowers and dragonflies, so easy to see and elegantly described.
Bastion comes across as michievous, devilish and playful, but also sensitive and caring, a perfect charactor for a childrens hero.

I am surprised to have spotted the following after so many others have already commented:
"The younger frogs would tell of Bastion heroic deed." Should surely be "Bastion's" heroic deed.

Best regards
Warrick

JJ.

What a fun tale you have spun. I only had time to read the first three chapters (have to head to school for Christmas parties) but I found all three to be intriguing and told with a voice of gentle mystery. I suspect that is how the rest of the book is written too.

You have succeeded in convincing me that Bastion is a good frog and will do the right thing. No doubt, I and every other reader will stand behind his brave leadership. You have painted his innocent but willing character very vividly. Good job!

I can see a third to fifth grader reading this book on their own. But any younger, unless they’re a genius, will need mom or dad’s help. This would also be a fun book to listen to on a long car trip. It has the promise of both entertainment and adventure to keep the siblings enthralled.

I noticed a couple little things that could be fixed in chapter one.

The younger frogs would tell of Bastion(’s) heroic deed.

You have a couple fragments one right after the other. “Sliding his sword…” and “Putting his hand…” Maybe add a “He warned” or “He threatened”

The other two chapters looked clean to me, but I am not an expert. Wonderful job and I wish you and Bastion success! Highly Starred!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Hello from "across the pond!" What a creative piece, more magical moments than a typical children's book, and more substantial story (15k plus!). I'm well into it now...a have young nieces who would love this work. Mesmerizing content. I wouldn't ever guess you've been self-taught at writing, what a gift you have!

5 Stars
Jaye from dallas, texas

The Anthropomorphism of the frog is endearing and is a sure would-be hit among kids, young adults, young at hearts - being the target readers of the book, The Magic Of The Frogs.

The writer must have studied the frogs closely: the details, the little things about them, their worlds, all the nuances bringing to life characters that breathed life to the pages and to the readers' imagination. It is magical!

The passion for reading starts in our most tender age when our parents read us story books and fairytales before we fall into the world of dreams. My best remembered tales are from those books that mold my young mind and fed my imagination. The Magic Of The Frogs is the kind of book that would work perfectly that way to kids and develop in them the passion for reading, mold their young minds and imagination.

I also have to mention that chosing the frog for the story is brilliant! In the modern world, we hope this generation would still keep an attachment to the little things, to the little creatures, to the lovely gifts of nature, to life in whatever form that would teach them to be gentle. If they learn to care for this little creatures, then we are assured they would be with life.

In the Chapter 3 of my book, "A Traveler's Soliloquies," I wrote poems from childhood, and the frogs took part on those sweet memories. In my poem, "My Genesis" the frog is a star in an atypical stage I used to watch in our backyard. In another poem, "Childhood Nook, Revisited!" a frog is one of the best remembered characters in my early found solitude.

The modern world is so interested in finding life beyond the empty space above us and lost interest on the lovely little creatures within reach. It is good to know that there are still writers that take notice and bring the children's attention to where we reside and the inhabitants that share the earth with us - share - yes, for this little things have an equal right fo live.

I hope you find time to eavesdrop on my self-talks chronicled in my book, "A Traveler's Soliloquies" a collection of poems, illustrated! Some of the poems are from my childhood memories where the frogs shared my most endeared thoughts.

I wish you well.

~ Jeques

Whenever I read a chidlren's book on here, I always picture myself with a child on my lap, reading the story to them, and picture their little face to see if they are enjoying it. They definitely are with this one! You set the scene and draw us into the story beautifully, and the voice is charming.
Just a couple of nits - hope you find them helpful rather than annoying... I don't like the use of the word "among" in the first sentence. "Among" feels like it should have a plural after it "among the people". I'd use "amid" or "in the midst of" here. Might be a Brit/American thing though - I know that I would prefer "the last time Bastion had seen any excitement.." (and various other places like it) but that is a Brit/Am thing. Also, another tiny nit - "today seemed to be another one of those restful days" - to me, "those days" implies the days when the call to arms had stirred him... I would change it to "another restful day". Again, just me though, and maybe I'm looking too hard!
You have some lovely phrases - "the pond was a buffet of flying delights" - that's great, and a child would love the image of it. I like, too , how you set up the conflict in that first chapter with the snakes and the ominousness of a line like "you don't know, do you?". Good stuff.

Magic of the Frogs. Your enchanting story continues to delight this child.

I must be in a stricter frame of mind now, than I was at my first read, but please remember I dont pretend to be an expert...

Ch.4. Couldnt you just start with 'Lorien paced back and forth upon the table'?
And perhaps you dont need to say that Bastion was surprised. His 'Really?' tells it all.
There are certain unnecessary words, best left out, like again, soon, actually, just, almost, quickly.
Sorry about these nits, but they do shout at me, and addressing them would polish up your lovely story, ready for the approaching ED.
Bastion walked...? I thought frogs hopped - but perhaps this one is special, and maybe I've forgotten something from earlier chapters.

Ch.5. Love that picture of Bastion sliding across the pond on his bottom.
And the fact that Billy decided not to throw another apple was probably all you needed to say about Bastion's forbidding demeanour.
I can hear Voltar and Morgana so clearly, and ssssee them in ambusssh.

Ch.6. Oh - a clever change of scene, leaving your reader in suspense.
And such a natural reaction, Larien wanting to pee from nerves.

Ch.7. A very fast-moving chapter, almost too short. I think your readers might appreciate a slower build-up of fear and tension while Bastion desperately tries to escape. You could use shorter sentences and smaller paragraphs... and really get into Bastion's head as he rocks the cage above the slithering hisssing snakes, and jumps, and almost falls as his fingertips slip- on the edge of the bookcase....
Wouldnt it be great if there were real-life Lariens to rescue us from predicaments.

Ch.8. Wasnt that rather a matter-of-fact way for Bastion to react to his rescue? I'd have thought he'd be beside himself with gratitude.

I hope this helps, and that you dont mind my pointing out some nits. Children's tales are not my genre, so perhaps it is okay to include my 'unnecessary' words...

Jane (Breath of Africa)

I'm not an expert on children's books but I think my 6 year old nephew would enjoy having this read to him. Especially if their were a few pics.

You might re-read this sentence in chapter one - "Bastion had no fishing pole, so the string tied to his foot was attached to a float that bobbed upon the water. " I think you mean since he doesn't have a pole he's tied a string to his foot, but the way it reads now is he doesn't have a pole so the string is attached to a float.

It's a delightful story,
Best of Luck
Bill
HAKTAW HEART

Magic of the Frogs.
By J.J. Marro.

Read and backed it earlier, but have come back to it again.
This is a delightful story for children of the age range six to ten.
You have captured their interest with excellent description and characters.
Talking Frogs, Serpents, Fairies and the like, you create some very nice scenes throughout the book.
It’s a great read for the kiddies.
I love the book, I think it would do it justice if it contained a few pictures throughout when it's published.
No doubt you have this in mind.
I can see kids really taking to it.
Lovely cover, very eye catching.
Well done!
Pleased to star-rate it high and will shelve when I can.

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest - The Time Zone.