Book Jacket

 

rank 4803
word count 76152
date submitted 06.11.2008
date updated 01.04.2010
genres: Fiction, Romance, Young Adult
classification: universal
incomplete

The Consequence of Love

Julie Ann

Can love survive the demons of the past?

 

Lily Frost isn't looking for love. She is already in a tumultous relationship and doesn't need another. But when James Prescott, a friendly but puzzling stranger, enters her life, she is left searching for her heart, but knowing, somehow, that he has it.
James has been living in a fog, struggling to overcome the grief of his mother's death two years previous. Lily becomes the only source of light able to penetrate the darkness.
But the demons of ones past never stay put for long.
The identity of the killer is discovered; a man who has a personal vendetta against James' family. The lovers' sense of safety shatters. They are thrown into a world of anger and fear, a world which threatens to tear them apart forever.

 
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tags

, anger, fear, hate, love, murder, revenge, romance, suspense, thriller, young adult

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Prologue

New York City 

It was nearly two in the morning. The fashion show had ended hours ago, but Beth was just leaving. She hadn't meant to stay this late, but one thing led to another and… well, Jim wouldn't mind anyway. He was used to her getting in late. She tried to hail a taxi outside the building, but there weren't any nearby. She shrugged. Her apartment was only a few blocks away. She would walk.

She started briskly in the direction of her home. The warm night air was a refreshing relief to her lungs after breathing in the stagnant air inside the building all night. She smiled in satisfaction. This feeling of success always heightened her awareness of the world around her, and she loved it. The summer breeze, the bright lights of New York, and the staccato sound of her stilettos on the sidewalk all mingled together to create a sort of song for Beth. This was the feeling of accomplishment, and she relished it.

After a moment she began to hear a new sound: footsteps that weren't her own. Heavy, determined footsteps. They were behind her, and she could tell they were moving quickly in her direction. That was strange. This area was usually deserted at night. She glanced back and saw a dark figure walking purposefully toward her. His hands were thrust in his pockets, but his face was locked on her figure. She felt, more than saw, his eyes on her. She couldn't make out any of his features, but the sudden chill that ran up her spine told her this man was dangerous. She quickened her pace, trying her best not to let fear grip her heart. Three blocks, she told herself. The apartment is three blocks away. I can make it. Don't panic.

But she was panicked. The footsteps were growing steadily closer, despite her quickened pace. Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest, sending adrenaline streaming through her veins. She glanced back again. The figure was closer now. No more than twenty feet away. His eyes were hooded, but she could see his determination in the grim set of his mouth. He was after her.

Her breath stopped. Before she was fully aware of what she was doing, she yanked the stilettos off her feet and fled down the street. She heard the man break into a run behind her. He was faster than she was. He was barreling down on her. She screamed. The sound pierced the night like a knife, but nobody was awake to hear her.

She felt his fingers twist in her hair, yanking her down against his chest. One arm curled around her waist, while the other moved to her mouth. A huge, gloved hand stifled the scream, simultaneously stopping any airflow into her lungs. She bit down hard on his fingers. He bellowed in pain and yanked his hand away. She took advantage of his distraction and elbowed him as hard as she could in the face. She felt a bone crack. The man faltered, loosening his grip on her body just long enough for her to break free from his grasp. She turned and fled. She shrieked as she ran, praying somebody would hear her.

It didn't take the man long to recover. Within moments he was behind her again, quickly closing the gap between them. A stream of profanities raced through his lips. She urged her body to move faster. One block left. One block. She thought through her panic. She could see the apartment building in the distance.

"Jim!" she screamed, "Jim!"

The man lunged at her, slamming into her body and knocking it to the ground. Her breath whooshed out of her. She gasped, trying to force her crushed lungs to take in air. The man lay on top of her. "Shut up," he hissed.

He quickly stood and yanked her to her feet, half pulling, half dragging her down the street.

"Jim!" she screamed again, "Ji…" The word was cut off by a fist smashing into her face. For a brief moment she saw stars, and then the faces of her husband and son flashed in front of her eyes. They were the last good thing she saw on this earth.

 

 

 

 

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Paige Pendleton wrote 777 days ago

Well done. Really. Grabs the reader's attention and doesn't let off. You've woven the other necessary aspects into the tension/suspense seamlessly. Or maybe it is more accurate to say you've used the tension/suspense to reveal those aspects - characterization(s), conflict, plot, time/place. It all works in concert and is a compelling read. I think this will appeal to a broad audience. Backed.

Raymond Nickford wrote 794 days ago

The Consequence of Love:

Julie,

The variation in long and short sentences, the rhythm of your prose reflects and enhances the tension you build as Lily's unease mounts at the sound of her unidentified pursuer. The judicious interweaving of vivid detail creates a sense of immediacy and urgency until Lily is seized. Yet the tension intensifies again as the reader wonders whether Jim will hear her cries and rescue her or whether she might be abducted, possibly raped or even killed. You're not afraid to be raw when 'a fist came smashing into her face' and the thought of a male fist doing this to a frightened woman is, in itself, appalling.
When combined with the promise of your storyline, as set out in your synopsis, I wanted - but didn't need - to read on to know that I was in the hands of a confident storyteller who has achieved that fine balance between what to omit and what to include, to achieve a compelling plot.

Backed
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

lizjrnm wrote 803 days ago

This is a beautifully rendered piece of literature! You have a real gift for characterization! I am so glad it's all uploaded so I can come back for more cause this is a well paced read that compels me to read on! BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Thomas J. Winton wrote 819 days ago

Julie Ann, this is very good work. The prologue simply mugged me, just like it did Beth. C1 doesn't let you get away either. Highly suspenseful stuff. Your prose is crystal clear and uncluttered. Great hook at the end of the prologue and C1. This is polished work. Backed.
Thomas J Winton
"Beyond Nostalgia"

gillyflower wrote 840 days ago

Your pitch drew me in and your first chapter reinforced my interest. This is a gripping, chilling scene, every woman's nightmare, and you bring it to life vividly. Then it seems as if Lily has had the same experience, and it's a great relief to find that actually she's been knocked down by a car. You tell us about this with continued skill, through the dialogue Lily hears as she recovers consciousness, through her returning memories, through the apologies of the elderly driver. Ryan, on this first meeting, fails to make a good impression. True, his anxiety comes from his feelings for Lily, so we should sympathise with him; but his over-aggressive stance is not attractive. Lily's further discussions with him when she wants to go to Michigan emphasizes the problems in their relationship. You draw us quickly into the centre of your plot, and your writing style works well, bringing us along at a fast pace. Your descriptions, like the house which Aunt Marilyn lends Lily, are excellent, making us see your settings. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

CraigD wrote 724 days ago

The writing style you've adopted for your story really complements it well, and gets the right mood across to the reader. Happy to back this for you.
Please consider taking a look at my book, The Job.
Craig

A Knight wrote 729 days ago

Fantastic. This is "seize you by the throat" gripping right from the start, and we're drawn in with both Lily and James. Your writing is strong and polished, which is always a welcomesight, and you have clearly put a lot of thought into this piece.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

SusieGulick wrote 742 days ago

Dear Julie, I love your traumatic love story. :) I wish mine could end that way :) - I'll name my memoir at the bottom. Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch/epilogue, which was very well done. You epilogue tied it all together. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

Cat091971 wrote 770 days ago

Shelved

Chantal
"Twisted"

Famlavan wrote 777 days ago

The Consequence of Love

What an amazing piece of writing. One thing is certain, it don’t start slow!
You have a great writing style that compliments the storyline so well.
Great mix of dialogue and narrative keeps the pace of the book moving at a very good pace. You can never trust garden snakes if you think, your nuts! – This is good –Good luck

Paige Pendleton wrote 777 days ago

Well done. Really. Grabs the reader's attention and doesn't let off. You've woven the other necessary aspects into the tension/suspense seamlessly. Or maybe it is more accurate to say you've used the tension/suspense to reveal those aspects - characterization(s), conflict, plot, time/place. It all works in concert and is a compelling read. I think this will appeal to a broad audience. Backed.

Debra Schrack wrote 778 days ago

Hi,
Your long pitch is somewhat confusing--maybe you should say the mother was murdered? Your writing, however, is excellent. The first chapter was really gripping and scary! I read a few more chapters and I thought the story was really interesting. Good luck with it!
Debbie "Afterlife"

Mr. Nom de Plume wrote 789 days ago

A significant amount of pain is described in the first two chapters. These chapters, as you mention in the "about me" are critical to a reader walking toward a cash register with the book. The availability of a complete work allows readers to judge the ending. Based on hours spent in bookstores, I have watched some shoppers read a few pages at the start and then quickly check the ending of works. Your work is excellent. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

Dawn DeRemer wrote 789 days ago

I think the only cross over genre this book didn't tackle is Sci Fi...lol It has a steady, true to life build of steam, angst and anxiety that should keep a lot of readers roped in for the finish. Your writing skills are adequate for the task at hand and do not distract the reader from story content. Job done well.
Dawn De Remer (Golden Moon)

Sheila Belshaw wrote 789 days ago

THE CONSEQUENCE OF LOVE;

Julie,

From the pitch I knew this was going to be a well written, well constructed novel, and I was right. The prologue grips you from line one and I found myself on the edge of my chair and hardly breathing as I felt every minute of the way with Lily. You certainly know how to build the tension.

You keep the reader guessing, with so many questions to answer, yet you feel drawn in and involved and desperately concerned for Lily. The characterisation is excellent, and the dialogue crisp and realistic.

I really loved this, and have great pleasure in backing it.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

Wheel42 wrote 790 days ago

Really enjoyed the first several chapters. Smooth flow and pace. Great dialogue - especially when they are talking about her going off to Michigan. Easy to connect with the characters. The Prologue was enticing - fast paced and suspenseful. Well done.

A couple things I noted:
On first page of Chapter 1 - "somebody call AN ambulance" (not "and ambulance")
"would you please leave" is a question rather than an exclamation.
Throughout - some paragraphs are indented on first line and some are not. I suggest consistency either way.

Randy
Bound By Birth
www.randallwheeler.com

Raymond Nickford wrote 794 days ago

The Consequence of Love:

Julie,

The variation in long and short sentences, the rhythm of your prose reflects and enhances the tension you build as Lily's unease mounts at the sound of her unidentified pursuer. The judicious interweaving of vivid detail creates a sense of immediacy and urgency until Lily is seized. Yet the tension intensifies again as the reader wonders whether Jim will hear her cries and rescue her or whether she might be abducted, possibly raped or even killed. You're not afraid to be raw when 'a fist came smashing into her face' and the thought of a male fist doing this to a frightened woman is, in itself, appalling.
When combined with the promise of your storyline, as set out in your synopsis, I wanted - but didn't need - to read on to know that I was in the hands of a confident storyteller who has achieved that fine balance between what to omit and what to include, to achieve a compelling plot.

Backed
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

soutexmex wrote 795 days ago

Back-to-back romantic books I am reading here and I gotta say this is the better of the two, if only because those pitches realluy do sell me as to why I need to read your novel. Capturing the eye of the casual reader is so necessary to success. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

bonalibro wrote 795 days ago

Your POV is disciplined and you write very well. I enjoyed reading about the accident the waking up the consciousness of her subconscious decision, the fight with Ryan, and her move to Michigan. Hard to say where it will go from here but it was a pleasure getting this far.

AlanMarling wrote 796 days ago

Dear Julie Ann,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. A heavier pair of footfalls close in on the click of stilettos, creating tension. The tension increases over the following scene, well depicted with her thoughts, his grim features, and his nearing shoes. The scuffle between them is also well portrayed. I believe she broke his nose (is that what you mean by “felt a bone crack”?), and I’m surprised he was able to recover from that. I guess she might’ve also broken his zygomatic process cheek bone. In either case, this wound might distinguish him later in the story, allowing the reader knowledge to the stalker’s identity. The next scene starts with similar tension, a woman recovering from a concussion from being hit by a grandpa. The dialog is believable with good tempo, and the protagonist garnishes a bounty of sympathy from being hit and also being forgiving to the grandpa. Bravo!

In my fallible opinion, you could make the beginning of your story even better by starting with the tension. Beginning with a slightly modified paragraph on the nearing heavy footfalls (juxtaposed by her lighter stilettos) would create immediacy and launch the reader into the narrative. Another item to work on is your hooks. At the end of each section you can make the story more gripping by giving the reader a reason they must continue reading. This could be from tension carried through the section break, doubts or fears on the protagonist’s part, or foreshadowing (though this is not the preferred method).

Keep polishing your technique and you’ll have a bright future ahead of you. Backed, and best wishes.

lizjrnm wrote 803 days ago

This is a beautifully rendered piece of literature! You have a real gift for characterization! I am so glad it's all uploaded so I can come back for more cause this is a well paced read that compels me to read on! BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Burgio wrote 803 days ago

Just browsing through stories that are far back in the listings. Thought you might like a boost forward. Backed. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

lionel25 wrote 804 days ago

Julie, your prologue and first chapter read well.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

writerwithacause wrote 805 days ago

Julie Ann,
This looks like the making of a good story. Will you explain the transition between chapters 1a&2? Backed. Lisa

Manolya wrote 805 days ago

What a great intro to your book. A wonderful pitch backed up with a great story. This book will go really far Julie.

Backed with great pleasure!

Manolya- Love in No-Man's Land

I'm grounded wrote 806 days ago

It is a nicely told story. Good work. Keep it up.
Munmun
"The stories of life".

I'm grounded wrote 806 days ago

It is a nicely told story. Good work. Keep it up.
Munmun
"The stories of life".

udasmaan wrote 806 days ago

Wow, finally I can comment on a book with pleasure. this is real, very real. i felt the horror of her running away. everything in the scene is very realistic. and i am sure this is going to end with excitement the way it has started. best of luck. backed
shah - the interpreter

Helena wrote 812 days ago

Hi Julie, really strong prologue, it made me shudder and I won't be walking home by myself anytime soon. The next chapter is good and sets the scenario well, the accident is a little strange, for a while we are watching the scene where she is knocked down and Ryan is there and then suddenly we change to the night before she leaves for Michigan, I'd maybe leave in a bit more about the accident and the recovery as it seems to happen quickly. I like the relationship between her and rywn, very well written and strong dialogue. This is a nice piece of writing and an interesting premise. On my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

pinkcoffee wrote 815 days ago

This is a fantastic book... you have done a great job of balancing it so it flows from one part to the next. I'm keeping this on my watchlist to carry on reading as I'm hooked! Well done... I wish you the very best of luck with it. kind regards pinkcoffee 'In The Moment'

LittleDevil wrote 816 days ago

I am a sucker for a good romance
Backed with pleasure
Sue
A Boy Called George (please take a look if you have time)

Bob Steele wrote 817 days ago

The pitch for The Consequence of Love is intriguing, and the opening chapter is totally gripping - Beth endures every woman's worst nightmare, and to finish on such a dramatic note guarantees that readers will turn the page. Backed.

Thomas J. Winton wrote 819 days ago

Julie Ann, this is very good work. The prologue simply mugged me, just like it did Beth. C1 doesn't let you get away either. Highly suspenseful stuff. Your prose is crystal clear and uncluttered. Great hook at the end of the prologue and C1. This is polished work. Backed.
Thomas J Winton
"Beyond Nostalgia"

mikegilli wrote 820 days ago

This seems even better,,re backed!...........

MiniMePom wrote 820 days ago

I felt the panic-a nightmare we all (at least those of us who are female fear). A very good read. Backed.

Francesco wrote 827 days ago

With a little edit this would be EXCELLENT.
Backed.
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank

Francis Albert McGrath wrote 835 days ago

The opening is powerful, if a little clichéd. We then switch to first person narration in ch 2, and it took me some time to work out who the narrator was. It's well written, and the description is first class. I think you need to make your characters more "larger than life" to make them more interesting for a reader. Otherwise excellent.
Shelved
Frank

gillyflower wrote 840 days ago

Your pitch drew me in and your first chapter reinforced my interest. This is a gripping, chilling scene, every woman's nightmare, and you bring it to life vividly. Then it seems as if Lily has had the same experience, and it's a great relief to find that actually she's been knocked down by a car. You tell us about this with continued skill, through the dialogue Lily hears as she recovers consciousness, through her returning memories, through the apologies of the elderly driver. Ryan, on this first meeting, fails to make a good impression. True, his anxiety comes from his feelings for Lily, so we should sympathise with him; but his over-aggressive stance is not attractive. Lily's further discussions with him when she wants to go to Michigan emphasizes the problems in their relationship. You draw us quickly into the centre of your plot, and your writing style works well, bringing us along at a fast pace. Your descriptions, like the house which Aunt Marilyn lends Lily, are excellent, making us see your settings. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

klouholmes wrote 842 days ago

Hi Julie, The first chapter was very convincingly done and pulled me forward into the story. Lily's fall in the street was also very tense although I wondered about the aftermath of her injuries. The interplay between her and Ryan is well-delivered and makes him very real when she encounters the stranger in the woods. You've got some tenuous strings here and some strong writing that involves - Shelved Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

paxie wrote 845 days ago

Julie

LOVED IT.......But,,,,,,I was concious of seeing 'she' and 'her' quite a bit.....I know its difficult but there are way of cutting back..

of (her) home.......of home....
of the world (around her)........of the world.
He was faster (than she was).........He was faster..

I try not to use 'began' ........(when I remember)......ie....she began to hear.........she heard....
can you begin to fall off a cliff......Mmmmm.....do you begin to smile ? In my view there are usually always better ways to describe a motion...

Your ending....she saw stars.....I didn't really like that, its quite a clichy thing to say.....I'd say exactly what would have happened.....ie....her vision blurred, or... she felt herself losing conciousness.....

OK....Fabulous story....You built the tension well.....She went from not having a care in the world to being chased down the street and knocked out all in one chapter,,,,you cant possibly make more of an impact in an opening than that..... So shelved with pleasure...

Melcom wrote 846 days ago

This is stunning writing, very polished, easy to read and carries the reader along with it.

That was a great hook for the first chapter and the fear your protrayed in the hunt had me on the edge of my seat.

Excellent work that is happily backed.

Melxx
UNICORN (crime/thriller)

yasmin esack wrote 851 days ago

WoW just absolutely well done. Drama and suspense superb and really my heart raced here. Backed with pleasure

mikegilli wrote 851 days ago

This has all the ingredients pf a success. Entertaining, with a big hook at the start.
Good characters, romance thrills....
And even a happy ending.
Congrats and shelved. I did see a few typos ...............Mikell.....The Free.

RobbG wrote 1291 days ago

Julie, I started reading this and it started sounding very familiar, and I thought maybe I'd already read and commented on it. So I checked, and no comments from me, so I kept reading. Then it dawned on me. Did you have this opening chapter or first page or something posted at agent query? My name at AQ was "carnah" (which is weird but it's a combo of the names of the main characters of my 2 novels). I think I read it and commented on it there. I particularly remember discussing the mailman putting the mail through the slot and the girl reaching to catch the mail before it hit the ground. Anyway, it's good to see it again.

I read the first 2 chapters this time (so most of this was new to me, I think I may have only seen the first page on aq).

What I like - the overall story line flows well. The main character Lily is likable, engaging, and I immediately root for her (mainly to dump her jerk boyfriend). With a YA audience, and particularly a female readership, I think that is absolutely crucial. It is in any writing, but probably more so with young female readers. Your dialog, particulary in Lily's voice, seems realistic. I think less so with her boyfriend.

What I think needs to be stronger - The opening. The opening sentence needs to grab the reader somehow. I don't mean it has to be a car wreck or a dead body, but it has to engage. "I stood by the door." doesn't do that. The opening 5 paragraphs are Lily standing at the front door waiting for the mailman to put the mail through the slot in the door. That really dragged at the beginning. And some really common mistakes that are so easy to make in 1st person (I know, because I make them too). The opening paragraphs contain the word "I" 18 times. That kills any flow of sentences or pace of the story. The key is to remember to write first person through the eyes of the narrator - what she sees, hears, feels, thinks - and less about what she does. Another example of this is the narrator telling what she does or how she says something. In the first couple of pages, the words "I sighed" appear 4 times. That's a lot of sighing, and usually if you sigh you don't really know it. Look more to tell what she's thinking and let her words or actions express that. Plus several more times where "I chuckled, I grimaced, I laughed," etc.

Minor nits - when there's a dialog tag following a quote, use a comma at the end of the quote and don't capitalize the tag. These are two parts of one sentence. Throughout these two chapters, for example, your dialog is written like: "I don't want you to go." He said. -- That should be: "I don't want you to go," he said. The time of year confused me somewhat. She's leaving home to start college, moving from Calif to Michigan. But when she arrives she's talking about the spring flowers and leave budding on the trees, then mentions that it's April. The next morning she mentions an arctic breeze and lighting the fireplace. Wouldn't she be starting school in either autumn term (aug/sept) or spring term (jan/feb)? And Michigan is north, but I'm not sure April, with spring flowers out, would still have an arctic wind. Well, maybe so if she's from southern California, it might feel that way. The flight from California to Michigan, but she goes through Atlanta. A lot of flights do get routed weird ways like that, but I'm betting she could have found a better connection (Denver or Chicago most likely).

Best of luck with this, and if you have any questions or comments about anything I said, feel free to leave a comment on my book page. Please don't take anything here as hypercritical, but all intended to be helpful. I think you've got a strong character and a story with potential, so keep at it.

Ali Cooper wrote 1294 days ago

Hi Julie, it's good to see some more women's fiction here. You've described the outline of a tempting story here. the kind of thing which makes me want to know what happens next. I'm finding some of you grammar a bit unfamiliar but I think it's because you're US and if the book were published here that would be adapted so we Brits would feel at home it. I do think you need to watch out for repeats tho. you use the word mail a lot in the first few paragraphs and I think you need to get rid of some of them. sometimes I think we all find the beginning of books so scary - because we know they matter - that we make silly mistakes. it's clear that in the next few chapters you get into your stride. I'm going to throw a suggestion at you - and this isn't mean as criticism. when you describe how someone looks or acts try to picture how they are different from other people. it's too easy to accidentally talk about nice average people behaving in a nice average way. if you can think about how your characters are different from the norm they will appear much more intriguing and your view of them may help you write with a distinctive voice. I hope this is helpful. Ali.

RobbG wrote 1294 days ago

You're on my watchlist. Will be a few days, but moving you up the list. Newbies get preference.

RobbG wrote 1294 days ago

hi julie. Interested in trading reads? No trading bookshelves or anything, just read and comment and shelve if you like, and I'll do the same with yours. Looks interesting. Carry Me Away is mine. Leave me a comment on my book if you're interested.

Robb

Ali Cooper wrote 1295 days ago

Hi Julie, I'm putting this on my watchlist now. Ali.

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