Book Jacket

 

rank 1590
word count 14647
date submitted 14.06.2011
date updated 16.02.2012
genres: Fiction, Fantasy, Young Adult, Chri...
classification: universal
incomplete

Forsaken Kingdom - City of Prophecy

Peter Dudek

Out of the darkness, the light must shine.

 

The people of Arvalast have forgotten about their king. Stories of the King of Arvalast and his long ago holy rule pass into the annals of myth and legend. The light of the Illumina, phials of holy, pure light that Arvalast citizens carry with them, is dimming, as their collective faith in their King becomes trite, ritualized. Woodend, a modest, walled city in the northern regions of Arvalast, is a last bastion of light and good, holding true to the stories of their once and forever High King. However, the shadow wraiths of an ancient enemy are returning, and the baser emotions of mankind are spilling over as these wraiths worm their way into the hearts of the people. Inside Woodend, Willerdon, a tired, exhausted town governor who fears for his family and his people sits paralyzed by his own lack of faith, unaware that his son sits on the very edge of the epic conflict of good and evil. All the while, the forces of the enemy draw closer, as the hour becomes desperate. - The Press & Sun Bulletin

 
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tags

christian fantasy, cs lewis, fantasy, homeschool author, lord of the rings, narnia, speculative, teen fantasy, tolkien, young adult fantasy

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12 comments

 

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Peter Dudek wrote 96 days ago

FORSAKEN KINGDOM
I like this story. Tarin is a good main character; he’s inquisitive and shows a lot of courage. I like the idea of a strange beast or monster coming to threaten the city. You’ve obviously spent a lot of time creating this fantasy world and it shows in the way you’re able to instill so much detail into your descriptions. If I had a suggestion, it would be to change the name Bill. Because this is a fantasy place, I didn’t expect characters to have the same common names as my real-life neighbors have. Either way, this is a good read. Highly rated and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?



Thanks for the backing and for the advice. Guess I'm conflicted about Bill's name, mostly because I think I thought of it because of the pony's name from Lord of the Rings. But you have a good point. I'll have to reconsider the name if it draws people out of Arvalast and back into present day earth.

Wanttobeawriter wrote 96 days ago

FORSAKEN KINGDOM
I like this story. Tarin is a good main character; he’s inquisitive and shows a lot of courage. I like the idea of a strange beast or monster coming to threaten the city. You’ve obviously spent a lot of time creating this fantasy world and it shows in the way you’re able to instill so much detail into your descriptions. If I had a suggestion, it would be to change the name Bill. Because this is a fantasy place, I didn’t expect characters to have the same common names as my real-life neighbors have. Either way, this is a good read. Highly rated and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Peter Dudek wrote 107 days ago

Hello Peter:

What a delightful beginning to an epic tale. Just one error I noticed...In Chapter One, "Road" is misspelled "Raod."

I really like the line in Chapter Four: "Perhaps it's a lass with a most disturbing face? Or maybe a lad with a most unfortunate voice."



Hi James! Glad you liked the quote in chapter four, and thank you for the feedback about the misspelling. Will take note of it and correct in the next draft.

JamesRevoir wrote 107 days ago

Hello Peter:

What a delightful beginning to an epic tale. Just one error I noticed...In Chapter One, "Road" is misspelled "Raod."

I really like the line in Chapter Four: "Perhaps it's a lass with a most disturbing face? Or maybe a lad with a most unfortunate voice."

Peter Dudek wrote 108 days ago

I feel the start was good in the way that you get a sense of worldliness and the fact that its not just this town. But when it really got started with the two men in the alley, I loved it. The atmosphere was amazing and it gets the reader asking question and more important wanting to read more. When I get more time on my hands i'll be reading the rest.

This does remind me a lot of Trudi Canavan, have you either read her writing? It fits in well with the idea of treachory out of the public gaze and dark alleys :)

I'm definatly going to be watching this :)



Glad you enjoyed the excerpt :) Yes, I've heard from a number of people that maybe my start is a tad too slow, and I'm considering ways to remedy that in future edits. As for Trudi Canavan, no, I've not read her yet, is she a fellow authonomy author?

Isabella Hunter wrote 108 days ago

I feel the start was good in the way that you get a sense of worldliness and the fact that its not just this town. But when it really got started with the two men in the alley, I loved it. The atmosphere was amazing and it gets the reader asking question and more important wanting to read more. When I get more time on my hands i'll be reading the rest.

This does remind me a lot of Trudi Canavan, have you either read her writing? It fits in well with the idea of treachory out of the public gaze and dark alleys :)

I'm definatly going to be watching this :)

Peter Dudek wrote 111 days ago

A good story and a great read. Tarin reminds me of Huckleberry Finn. Just one or two nit-picks. In chapter one - 'he wiped some blond hair from his sweaty forhead' - was that Bill or Tarin? And could do with more background info on Governor Bolard, and the illumina; Also one or two typos, but that doesn't distract from the story. Backed and on w/l.

Kate Grimes- LIZZIE-CUPPA TALES -TALES OF WILLOW GREEN - ANNIE



Thanks for the feedback! It was actually Tarin who wiped his blond hair, sorry for the confusion, I'll try to make that more clear in my next edit. Yes, a lot about Bolard comes later in the book, but maybe I should add more there. Trying to balance between leaving some mystery and giving a lot away at the beginning.

kategrimes@live.co.uk wrote 111 days ago

A good story and a great read. Tarin reminds me of Huckleberry Finn. Just one or two nit-picks. In chapter one - 'he wiped some blond hair from his sweaty forhead' - was that Bill or Tarin? And could do with more background info on Governor Bolard, and the illumina; Also one or two typos, but that doesn't distract from the story. Backed and on w/l.

Kate Grimes- LIZZIE-CUPPA TALES -TALES OF WILLOW GREEN - ANNIE

Peter Dudek wrote 126 days ago

Thanks Charmain, I'll let you know if I post more :)

Charmain wrote 126 days ago

I was really disappointed that there are only five chapters here. You have me hooked! I find it interesting that Tarin manages to be in the right place at the right time to hear an interesting story. He certainly is inquisitive. Too bad he always gets caught eavesdropping.
I'm interested in knowing more about the illumina and what they have to do with the king. I do wish you had elaborated more on the book Tarin found, The Annals of Illuminara. Maybe go into a little more details about what he read, like the prophecy Dralo mentioned.
I do wonder why Tarin hasn't told anyone about the man in the red cloak or the shadow.
I only saw a few mistakes in the first chapter. I noticed you once spell the word 'road' wrong and you refer to Willow Road as Willow Street in one paragraph. Is it supposed to be the same road?
I must say I didn't like Gertrude much for manipulating the governor like that or Will being a coward and allowing her to do that. If you add more chapters could you please tell me?
I'm going to shelf this and give it a six star rating.

-Charmain

monicque wrote 330 days ago

Hm, I like!! Good work.

Mollie J. Rushmeyer wrote 331 days ago

Peter, I typed 'Christian Young Adult' into the search bar and only you and my own book popped up. So glad I found yours! I identified a lot with your profile and the books that you like. I too want to write something with a Christian message for young readers and adults. I read the 1st chapter, but I'll be back for more. Thought I'd give you some initial thoughts. I loved the pace and that you draw the reader in immediately to the story. A couple of typos possibly-- In the first paragraph you say, 'of brick stable'. Did you mean 'of a or the brick stable'? Also it says 'Maggie scoled', did you mean 'scolded'? Great writing! Very smooth, and I can tell this is a page turner:) Again-- I'm reading on. Mollie
P.S. If you get a chance, please take a peek at my book Defenders of the Faith: The Ethereal Keys. Also Christian YA Fantasy. Would very much appreciate any feedback, esp. from someone in my own genre. Thank you.

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