Master of the Miracles

Bunderful,

Here is my summation of Master of the Miracles. I have read eight chapters now and given that you have had 233 comments on this book, I am going to try to encapsulate my overall feel for it, rather than go on line by line about it as others no doubt will have done so before.

What can I say – you write like an angel Rena. I swear you do. The language you use, the construction, you have an eye for the rhythm of words that is so sadly missing from many a writer these days – cadence, prosody, the actual beauty of the words themselves.

Hand on heart – I am a little bit jealous of your prose and I don’t do jealous. But oh boy, I could cherry pick a bag full of phrases I wish I’d wrote from this and at the same time you are knee deep n some powerful imagery – you manage to even make what could be a difficult opening eloquent and yet you never do this at the expense of the story or the message.

First person is for me the only way to go if you have powerful internal thoughts to convey. Again, you handle this so well.

If this sounds like over the top fawning on my part – I assure you it’s not. It really is my genuine feelings towards your work. The first chapter alone, as Ora tries to get pregnant contains more power than most books manage cover to cover – the duality of her sexual endeavours and the ritualistic washing and religious aspects that follow – Rena, it is so very good.

What can I add – Whatever I say, it won’t fully convey my admiration for your book. It is written in a unique style, it is powerful, sensitive, factual, historical – it’s just brilliant. Not one wasted word in it – magical writing and in closing, it’s been written by one of the nicest people on here I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

I’d wish you good luck, but you won’t need it. You’ve just made your own luck with this Rena. I will buy this from a bookshop one day – I just know I will.

Rob

Loved this. The intimacy and thoroughness with which you’ve conjured it up. The warmth you quickly inspire in the reader, the fascinating compelling depths you’ve plumbed of your character. And your sentences all have a delicious curl or smudge of divine colour or inner light to them – it’s the emphasis on detail and making that detail a current in the novel’s architecture. It’s a mystical world you’ve created of markets and holy words, of dust and prayer, where everything has both an earthy and a spiritual eloquence. Blisteringly good writing. Big thumbs up from me. Will shelve as soon as a spot frees itself up on my shelf.

Well you can write, bunderful. Crisp taut prose, highly original sentence construction with objects and others as subject (hardly an ‘I’ in sight, some paras), and wonderful imagery created from the simplest of words. Terrific opening, one of the most extraordinary I’ve read anywhere. The cooing doves, the fingers of light, the self-pleasuring and then the piety. Wow!

Guided by your pitch and the execution of the second chapter, I have a really strong sense of structure here, again highly original. I was reminded of Sally Vickers’ ‘Miss Garnet’s Angel’, where she weaves the simple tale of a retired spinster teacher in off-season Venice with the story of Tobit, from The Apocrypha. And just like that one, this book has clearly been ‘designed’. Big thumbs up from me.

The writer’s grasp of period and place has created an utterly absorbing world the reader can scarcely bear to leave. A beautifully constructed novel of history, passion and ideas. This is a story of extraordinary beauty and symmetry, strongly propelled by plot and characterized by an almost dreamlike simplicity of telling. Your writing, as sensual and sophisticated as its subjects, kept me firmly within its elegant parameters, caught up in the touch and taste and rolling emotions of the characters whom you have brought to life. Exciting, profoundly affecting and altogether wonderful. Those who are good at it will offer suggestions for improvement or polishing. For me it was a pleasure to discover such a well written story. A must read – highly recommended.

I almost always have a problem with things written in the first person, for a variety of reasons, I guess. I think if you want to channel everything through one character, it requires so much from that character. They have to be witty, intelligent, interesting--like the perfect party guest! And you can't get tired of the person because a book is long and they'll be your only guide through it. I also think the first-person narrator should be somewhat unreliable, an enigma to the reader and better yet, to themselves. To keep it interesting, to keep me wanting to learn the story as well as more about the person. And so...I am extremely impressed with your characterization here. Ora's voice immediately drew me in and she felt from the first, as a fully realized person. I didn't have a problem with your controversial opening, because it was so matter-of-fact, just Ora going about her day to day business, not embued with excess meaning or hyperbole. I love that matter-of-factness about her, because it seems to mask so much as you show us masterfully when she immediately feels confined in her surroundings (which she has just, convincingly, told us are so satisfactory). There's a modernity to her, yet an ancient element...and I love that she has strong beliefs that are mostly foreign to me and that is another aspect that makes her interesting. I think the inclusion of religious practice and the psalms and prayers, etc., will require some patience from readers but as someone who read many of Chaim Potok's books, enraptured, that wouldn't be a problem for me. And it's so fundamental, I think, to what you've done here, that I'd stubbornly cling to your ideas for this book if I were you. It's original and meaningful. Anyway...blah, blah, blah. Loved it, loved it, loved it. I'll be thinking about Ora the rest of the day, and that speaks volumes, I think. This is wonderful writing.

Mary

A glorious read, Rena! Love the voice, the language, the pace. Welcome back and best of luck as this book makes it way to Hollywood someday.

I've backed this remarkable story as I've been reserving my slots for work that truly touches me, as yours has and it's on my watchlist to read more. Lovely.

~ Mia
"Thy Kingdom Come"

As a woman who took over two years to conceive her only child, I can tell you that you are bang on the button with the first chapter...and the religious emotional angst is brilliantly written. I don't usually like books written in the first person (so it's particularly odd that my book on authonomy is also written in the first person). But, like you it seems, I wanted the reader to be 'right there' with the emotions of the main character...and it doesn't mean that the other characters have to suffer for that! I'm looking forward to reading more and, another few chapters down, you will probably end up on my bookshelf.

Rena, this book is gripping. I have only just joined Authonomy and your book is the first to claim a spot on my shelf. I have only read the first few pages and already I am hooked. I need to read it all. I need to read it all now. Brilliant!
May I just wish you all the best for 2012 and beyond.
Blessed!!!

Rena, I've just got round to reading some of Master of the Miracles and it truly is outstanding. What an incredible blending of spirituality and sensuality. The passion of your opening paragraph had me hooked straight away, and the development of an intriguing plot over the first three chapters works brilliantly. Well done - you certainly deserve to get published and I look forward to seeing this in print.
Peter

Congratulations I am happy for you.

Beautiful, evocative prose. Six stars. Have you finished the entire MS?

Last day of the month. Best wishes for reaching the Editor's Desk.

Mark

Rena, As a writer you've got strong things going for you. You're writing style is very polished. I don't know exactly how I want to say it, but I'll settle for saying that your work seems perfectly structured. Please don't take this wrong, but I am not as interested in the storyline itself as I am in the knowledge you possess of Jewish culture and religion. You bring that full strength into the story and I find it extremely interesting to read. It's very in-depth. And you've managed to bring it to such a level of interest by virtue of your creative abilities as a writer. Thanks for the invitation to read your story. julie

Rena, As a writer you've got strong things going for you. You're writing style is very polished. I don't know exactly how I want to say it, but I'll settle for saying that your work seems perfectly structured. Please don't take this wrong, but I am not as interested in the storyline itself as I am in the knowledge you possess of Jewish culture and religion. You bring that full strength into the story and I find it extremely interesting to read. It's very in-depth. And you've managed to bring it to such a level of interest by virtue of your creative abilities as a writer. Thanks for the invitation to read your story. julie

Master of Miracles - by Bunderful
Every so often I find a story with the gift of language on this site. Your first person account reads like flowing water, and it is supported by what seems to be a great depth of research. This novel deserves all of the praise I read in the comments. I am happy to back this and place it on my shelf.

P Alan Davis
The Red Poppy
Raindancer

Rena,

Sorry I didn't back "Master of the Miracles" until the very last minute. This isn't because I don't think it's a good book. Quite the contrary, as it happens; I think it is one of the very best books I have ever read, published or unpublished. I also think that the other book you previously uploaded here, Blown to Smithereens, is an excellent book, too. (I slightly prefered that one to Master of the Miracles, to be honest; but I think that might have been the Irish connection).

The only reason I did not back you earlier is because I am convinced that you are going to be a published novelist soon, entirely by your own efforts, without the need of the authonomy Editor's Desk. I am sure that you will get a good review from the HC editor, but whether HC offer you a contract or not, that's not important, because I am convinced that someone else will; and probably very soon, too.

However, as Master of the Miracles is kind of tottering on that vulnerable number five spot, I thought I really ought to do the gentlemanly thing and place it on my bookshelf, at least for the thirty six hours until the new year! (Better late than never, I suppose!)

Happy New Year! I think 2012 might be a year you remember well...

Best wishes and good writing,
John Bayliss.

Bunderful is a very skilled author. I found the narrative effective and very skillfully crafted. Some stories are rather spartan in their narrative (mine probably lean this direction) and others are perhaps a bit wordy and flowery. I found Bunderful's narrative to be very well balanced and artfully composed.

Your knowledge of Jewish traditions and customs is also very well on display and this adds great credibility.

Obviously a very skilled author and I suspect you have a very bright future...

dw

Gladly! Scott Toney, a friend of mine, suggested you as well! Have a great day!

- Julieth

An window into a world I don't know at all; a woman of passion and imagination cramped by the rigid demands of a culture and religious tradition that is light years away from my own experience, telling a story that is universal, sexual, personal and powerful. I fear the outcome, but long to know what it is. Thank you for conveying so vividly the two worlds of Ora. Like your other readers, I am sure this will find a publisher.

Bunderful,

Here is my summation of Master of the Miracles. I have read eight chapters now and given that you have had 233 comments on this book, I am going to try to encapsulate my overall feel for it, rather than go on line by line about it as others no doubt will have done so before.

What can I say – you write like an angel Rena. I swear you do. The language you use, the construction, you have an eye for the rhythm of words that is so sadly missing from many a writer these days – cadence, prosody, the actual beauty of the words themselves.

Hand on heart – I am a little bit jealous of your prose and I don’t do jealous. But oh boy, I could cherry pick a bag full of phrases I wish I’d wrote from this and at the same time you are knee deep n some powerful imagery – you manage to even make what could be a difficult opening eloquent and yet you never do this at the expense of the story or the message.

First person is for me the only way to go if you have powerful internal thoughts to convey. Again, you handle this so well.

If this sounds like over the top fawning on my part – I assure you it’s not. It really is my genuine feelings towards your work. The first chapter alone, as Ora tries to get pregnant contains more power than most books manage cover to cover – the duality of her sexual endeavours and the ritualistic washing and religious aspects that follow – Rena, it is so very good.

What can I add – Whatever I say, it won’t fully convey my admiration for your book. It is written in a unique style, it is powerful, sensitive, factual, historical – it’s just brilliant. Not one wasted word in it – magical writing and in closing, it’s been written by one of the nicest people on here I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

I’d wish you good luck, but you won’t need it. You’ve just made your own luck with this Rena. I will buy this from a bookshop one day – I just know I will.

Rob

The first chapter is graphic enough in detail to show the reader how Ora tries to help get herself pregnant. You must have done so much research with the prayers and the religion. I can really feel the poor woman's pain with each word. You did a good job here.

good luck staying on top of the list!

Beth Davis
I Never Saw It Coming

I'm wondering if you heard of the publishing company https://www.lap-publishing.com/site/home/10. They offered to publish my book 'Matron of Miracles.' I uploaded it on to authonomy over a year ago. A friend told me they were scams.

This is absolutely beautiful ...

Fabulous writing! Happy to BACK your work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
Good Luck!
Sue50

This isn't a genre I normally read, but it was great. It really kept my attention. I read up to chapter 6 and the time just flew by. I just stopped because I needed to clean the house. I am starring and I will be back to read more later.

This isn't a genre I normally read, but it was great. It really kept my attention. I read up to chapter 6 and the time just flew by. I just stopped because I needed to clean the house. I am starring and I will be back to read more later.

Got me hooked straight off. Superb writing.

Good luck, Rena. Hope you find all you need from Authonomy on the desk. Best wishes, Harriet

I've only read the first chapter but I already understand why this is such a winner. You've infused your prose with, as Miss Wells says, a great deal of intimacy. I feel close to Ora as I read, as she takes me through her morning rituals, and I learn all about what she's going through as well as some of Judaism without feeling as though I am being given an infodump. Your descriptions are also very lovely-- I enjoyed especially how you described the sea.

You're teetering at the edge of the desk right now with only a few days left, so I'll back this to make sure you make it all the way. Good luck! :D

xx Jasmine

Bunderful
Read through chapter 2 for now, and I know it's great. I want to go ahead, now, and place it on my shelf to help you along to the editor's desk. I will read on....
You have it all here....excitement, introspection, paranormal, religion, even romance, all portrayed in a beautifully written style. Good luck!
Georgia
The Woman From E.A.R.L.

Wow. As if it's not great enough already, you connect this book to your faith, which makes it all the more amazing. Great job. This absolutely deserves to be published.
-Nissim
(Dragons, Heroes, and Animatronic Teddy-Bears)

I haven't read very far yet, but this is beautifully written. And I hope to read all that's posted before the new year begins!

Bill

Such simple, beautiful writing. You give such fine details that define the moment and the feelings so clearly and perfectly. The sex is so matter of fact, like eating and drinking. The religious themes too are integrated smoothly into Ora's life. Sure to be published, I think.

Hi, bunderful. What a rewarding hour I had reading five chapters of Masters of the Miracles. Exquisite writing. You're certainly a master in your field. Ora's visions had me spellbound, almost hypnotised by the scene. Well done, you're quite a genius! High stars.
Connie King.

From the short pitch it sort of reminds me of The Dovekeepers by Alice Hoffman, but in the modern age.

Hi
A very different and original story. Your writing is clear and fluid, setting the scenes wonderfully. I have only read the first few chapters, but I am placeing you on my bookshelf anyway.
Best of luck with this
Regards
Barbara
Awakening the Magic

This work is the quintessence of Jewish Women Writing of the 'Can't Conceive' school.
Powerful stuff from the very opening. You can write. Well done. Shelved.

Master of the Miracles.
By – Bunderful.

There’s a feeling of calm and serenity when reading your book.
It’s beautifully written with excellent detail and colorful expression.
Although the first chapter contains scenes of a sexual nature, I didn’t look at it as such.
This is a deeply moving story, with Ora trying her best to conceive and using any methods to do so.
She’s a very devoted follower of her religion, traversing the footpath to God with all her means for him to bestow upon her the joys of motherhood.
The book captures the full extent of her anxieties and portrays it to the reader in a clear fashion.
Lovely book…lovely writing.
Six stars and on my list.

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

An utterly compelling read, written with such humanity that it humbled me. I don't care for overtly religious fiction and I had to overcome that aversion to read it in the first place. You confounded all my expectations and left me in a spin...And I'd only read as far as the first chapter....You write about sex in such a matter-of-fact way and you make it seem so easy, while acclaimed authors make a right old hash of it! At times I found the explanations of the names of the prayers distracting. But you are such a good storyteller that it didn't spoil my enjoyment of the first few chapters that I've had the chance to read. Thank you for letting us read this first here on Authonomy.

The simple tool many authors use to captivate readers attention is the tool of describing bed scene . Soon I Know it is more than that. Sex dissatisfaction turns Ora to a psycho. Conflict between desire and understanding makes a wide gap. Husband and wife relation breaks down internally. They suffer. I feel sorry for Ora.

Sorry it took so long to get to you. I read five chapters, and really enjoyed them. I love learning culture tidbits, so the Hebrew words were appreciated, and interesting. This is written very well and professionally! Good work! I pray you go far!
Six stars!

--Shieldmaiden

Wow! what a unique and interesting beginning! I only read the first chapter, but was immediately drawn in. The prayers your character recited inspired me. I love how you made the prayers more like personal pleas and heartfelt conversations with God rather than rituals, even if they are rituals. You provided a good amount of descriptions: just enough to carry the reader along smoothly. Well done! You definitely deserve to be on the editor's desk. :)
Sarala
Hope Restored

A very unusual novel, delivered with economy but richness. You focus on detail just enough to pull us totally into the scene and you contrast this with the bigger picture, the enormous human and spiritual themes. The first person narration, describing such personal issues from the outset is disarmingly intimate. The details are so personal, the kind of things one would only reveal to oneself, we are led into the illusion of becoming Ora; a clever approach to drawing the reader right in. Can't wait to read on.

Rena's LF40 review 
I have read all the chapters you have posted. 
This is the second time I have reviewed this book, although the first time fewer chapters were online.
I am very fond of it. I think that it is very successful at being  a love story, a social commentary piece, a piece of historical fiction,  a science fiction piece, and, of course, a love story.
I think that part of the reason it is so successful is that you present a world with very strict rules and then introduce a character that is incredibly unhappy. This is, of course, not a new formula, which after all Jane Austen explored and which opened, for better or worse, a whole genre  But You use a world that is both real and new to me. As I said before, I find that this book satisfies my anthropological curiosity about Jewish orthodoxy like a very good piece of historical fiction, while being an entertaining read.
Plot 
I find the plot development very successful. You establish very early on the ridiculous constraints of her situation, and her intense desire to have a child. But then it becomes clear that this is more than her desire. It is a cultural imperative. It is what she must do to fulfill her obligation as a woman in this world. Then come the visions. What a great way to interlink a secondary story. They take a life of their own and create a third plot thread, a thriller (all be it, low stakes) about finding clues to the origins of the visions. Which, of course leads to the very high stakes love story. These plot elements are well balanced to make a rewarding and interesting read. 
Character development. 
Being a first person narrative obviously means that Ora is much better developed than other characters. While I feel I know her very intimately, I still find part of what moves her a bit of a mystery. There is a foreignness to a woman whose life is so constrained and yet is so modern. It is truly twisted, and yet, there is something calm. I appreciated the scenes with her family to help fill in the gaps, but those characters were very rough sketches. I found this particularly a problem in the case of her father, who is such an important, overweening character in the book, for Baruch, for Chaim, for Ora, but then when he is presented he is a sweet, doting man.  
I think that Baruch is well developed as the spineless pig that he is. But, of course, it is never that simple. He is very aloof and self involved, almost enough to make him a caricature. But, again, as it is first person, that is Ora's prerogative. 
Chaim on the other hand is very varied and nuanced, to the point of being a bit confusing as a character. At first he is cute and quaint, then intelligent and resourceful, then caring and protective, and then he becomes scary, like a bit of a monster and a stalker, and then lover and soulmate. 
I feel that, again, the fact that it is Ora's vision makes it possible- our perception is changing with hers. But I come out not having a clear vision of this central character.
Mechanics,
The writing is very good, flows well, and is enjoyable without being haughty. However (gasp) I found several typos, which I point out below. Not many, but I submit to this group the query of how it can be that a book can be on over 100 bookshelves and still have typos.
Storyline and themes
I have been thinking a lot about Karsten's post. I wonder if he wrote it to stir up the discussion, as I find myself disagreeing with him so much. Of course, as I said earlier, reading as he did is a sure fire way to ruin any read.
Ora is in a really impossible position. She is really miserable and yet so blessed according to her society. So in comes the miracles, the magic of the Master of Miracles, teaching her, as Chaim says, she can be more than she is. (I objected to having him telling me this, but not too much). Baruch exemplifies her position. As Karsten points out, he provides for her (although it seems that it is really her father who supports them) he is a complete ass. Self-centered, uncaring, proud and blind to Ora's needs. He exemplifies this society with it's impossible, chauvinistic rules. 
Bruriah is not in a much better spot, although she seems to try to do something about it. Her desire to adhere to the laws, to find a way to remain legally pure is baffling.
It seems so odd that she should work so hard for a society that clearly does not value her. The opinion of the stranger that visits their home is surely repeated by many- her teaching is not welcome, and history will praise the men. 

To a large extent the success of this book as a whole, like all other books, of course, depends on it's ending, which we do not have, due to this annoying tendency to not post complete manuscripts here. I get it, but it still is annoying. 
The ending to this story is getting set up to be very tragic- all the elements are there for it. I have no doubt that you pull it off well, and I am looking forward to reading it, even if I have go wait to order the hardbound copy on Amazon.

I have made comments on the first 9 chapters in my previous review, so here are my comments on chapters 10 to the end.

10 I think that this love story set around the forbidden is very endearing.
11 It is heart wrenching that she has been left up the creek, and then she is not.
I find his escape plan a bit too well formulated, a bit too descriptive. Not a huge deal.
Typo "I crawled into be fully clothed" should be bed
It does feel a bit here like Chaim is taking advantage of her. 
12 What A Pig
13 "I lift my arms up to the little bits of sky and stars that peek through the 12 small windows in the dome above" should be twelve 
"I remember the story. Of course I do, but Chaim". I appreciate being told this story, but this line seems strange here. If she knew the story, then why have him, tell it, saying he should remind her. I would recommend eliminating his asking whether she remembers and just telling it. 
14 I find myself happy that this happened to him, he is such a little prick. 
"You’ll tell them it’s you. I can’t, Ora. Please. Just tell them it’s you.” oh, my goodness, what a PIG

16 ok, please tell me  divorce is allowed in Jewish orthodox law. 
17 Wedding night is very touching. 
Typo "The why are you having these visions, Ora"

18 "from India to the Middle East starting in the 3rd century CE." sounds a bit like he is reading from wikipedia.
I found Chaim's story a bit long at one point until he got to the part about the gangs.
I think that Chaim could do with a bit more development as a character, but I don't have a concrete solution for this. 
19 I think the narrative about her shame is very well done
Typo "Beinonim have then days between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur to plead with God" ten days?
20
Typo " I dumped the rest of the seeds on my plate in the garbage. I wash my plate, placed it on the drying rack and then lean back against the cabinet.." you change tenses here back and forth. 
Very good scene at the table. 
22 Chaim is a starting to freak me out a bit.

23 
"They make what is forbidden permitted." do you mean they don't. 
Typo "We had both come to a crossroads and the same time" at the same 

“What does ‘barren one who did not bear mean’? The quotation make is in the wrong place. 
Typo "they are only barren in the sense that they did no bear sons of gehenna like you.”. Not. 

24
"We sit in silence as I eat. A bit of warmth slowly returns to my body. A bit of the pain in my hand, slowly recedes." the coma may be out of place

Typo " Has you ever been pleasured orally?”.  Funny, though. 

"Who’s the say that this is what is good for me?”. Who's to say

Again, I am very fond of it, so do take the comments in the best light possible.

Best,
Maeve

LF40
The opening paragraphs are certainly bold. Reading again, I still find the opening somewhat off-putting, perhaps even embarrassing would not be too strong a word. I found the details too intimate to be placed at the start. Perhaps if I felt I knew Ora more I could accept it, but it feels as though I have been flung into a world a private world too soon. It feels too intrusive.
It is not that I have any problems with masturbation, merely the suitability with of what the author should reveal and what should be remain hinted at. (One of the central themes of my own satirical novel is the abolition of the distinction between the public and the private space and a major character is a chronic masturbator Spartacus Wangford). I do not wish to get bogged down on this, and I understand the contrast between bodily and spiritual desires, the sacred and the profane are at the heart of your work. Yet I feel you could have been more discrete at least at the start. Perhaps TMi is the phrase.
After this, you lay out the basic materials of your novel in exemplary fashion. We learn in easy style, the relationships and objectives of your heroine. I must say I did not find Ora as unlikable as Karsten did. I thought she was desperate rather than selfish.
Being not Jewish, or religious at all, you successfully informed me of the much of the religious worldview of Ora without it becoming pedantic. I remember I had some problems with the Jewish references when I read it before but this time I sailed through. Your prose is generally very lucid.
On second reading, some of my earlier misgivings disappear. You have achieved a good balance between the internal world of Ora and the external. First person narratives have a terrible narcissistic tendency to focus on the inner life of narrator rather than the world they inhabit. You avoid this. Also there is a balance between dialogue and description.
I enjoyed reading this so far, and it will be interesting to see what the HC reader makes of it.

Rena,

I just read the entire 23 chapters of Master of the Miracles. Your writing is really very captivating and the sex scenes are titillating in the very least and make me long for my wonderfully devoted, hard working husband…

Your story is rich in Jewish tradition, prayers and Psalms. I love that. I so much enjoyed how Ora had this beautiful relationship with her Maker, The God of Israel. She so truly wanted to be obedient and honor Him with her life.

And then like Adam, the first man, she fell, like we all do. It is fine that you seem to celebrate the kind of selfish love that happens between Chaim and Ora. The unfortunate part is, it happens every day. But the love between Bruriah and Nehorai, the kind God intended, does not. And I loved how you portrayed their relationship in chapter seventeen - equal partners, setting one another’s needs first before their own. This was very beautiful and brought tears to my eyes.

Your writing has a way of provoking a lot emotion, that is why I put my kids on hold this morning to read your incredible story.

I wish you had the rest of your book uploaded. I want to see if Ora is redeemed. She‘s not beyond it. And I want to see if Bruriah is successful in uncomplicating the Jewish tradition. My pastor has. “Love God. Love others.“ But we all know, it’s easier said than done. Six stars and I don’t know if I’ll get a chance to back your book before it’s risked away by the editors. (I have to fulfill other promised backings, but if you fall, which I doubt you will, please call on me for support) Congratulations, Rena!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

More please ... Seriously, I've just read all 26 chapters and just ...wow. I need to read the rest. Chaim and Ora together, just perfectly written. if you want my more of my thoughts let me know Rena, grill me if you want because I loved this and this isn't my genre at all!

Very sensual and deeply personal writing, which I love. Such attention to detail draws us into the moment and I can almost here the swish of fabric as your characters move. Not an easy task to blend religion and sexuality in such a subtle way. This is bound to receive the ED medal and is likely to be published, I think.

I am immediately drawn to this story. I haven't gotten a chance to read it yet, but I will certainly be on it as soon as I can. Great synopsis!

Sara

L40 Review (lastlight)

So we've got a book that's steeped in religion and an atheist reviewer who is a narrative hunter and you mix these three up and what do you get?

You get a great first chapter that's encumbered by a little too much prayer, and I'll come back to this, you've got four sex scenes that run from soft, to hard, to erotic and there is not a hint of pornography to be found and that's talent.

Narrative wise this is Ora's story, with the Bruriach story as a backdrop, with the choice of either religious vision or mental projection, or temporal collision. All the other characters are incidental to the Arc of Ora, oh I like that ha ha ha, and I don't find that probelmatical at all.I see what you've done with the almost rewriting of the prayer sequences with the market scents and soaps and stuff, which is clever stuff, but I do, and remember I am an atheist, think that the prayer stuff would perhaps be better if it was used as a kind of punctuation to the narrative though I've no idea how you would do that, but, hang on, inspiration's knocking at the door... how about mixing them up, have her think about the prayers, texts whilst in the market place?

While I'm on this I remember a song by Laura Nyro, Upstairs by a Chinese Lamp, check it out you will love it believe me.


As regards the visions you have to balance and hold the ambiguity of the cause, and I'm not sure you're quite there yet,but you're not far off,though maybe that's just from my perspective of course, you may not be 'off' at all.

The narrative hunter has found his story though and he likes it in his Godless manner nonetheless, I do like that Arc of Ora (arc of light). It's no mean feat to write a female novel and make it work and that you are doing.

To finish, fantastic first paragraph to point the way, a believable heroine trying to find a way to live,love and lose with grace.

Jim

Rene - my time is limited at the moment and I am a slow reader, so apologies for the sparse feedback.

LF40 Review - Master of Miracles ...
Science tends to shy away from exploring what we intuitively know. Which makes this a significant book. You do visions well. They are difficult to do well. I like how you convey the dichotomy, the way Ora, who is highly sensitive to the minds of people around her, tries to reconcile her knowing, and her femininity, within the ceremonial tradition she grew up in. The intimate details of her daily rituals show this process, and how she discerns new meaning in her prayers.
I will only comment on a few early paragraphs from notes I originally made time ago, before I got sucked into the narrative and consequently never posted a comment, though I supported you book ever since :)
I took note of instances where you describe things that are implicit, which halted my reading. It's subtle really, a word here and there.:
1 My eyes dart over to the (single) bed pushed up against my own ... no need for 'single'.
2 When the tremors subside I sigh, wipe my fingers on the sheet and begin my morning prayers ... notice I left out 'I remove my fingers' since I think it makes this instant more powerful. You seem to like word 'remove' a lot.
3 3d paragraph ... I swing my legs down, (and) feel around for the cold (speckled) marble floor for my slippers (I put them on) and quietly (tiptoe) walk to ... I never managed to tiptoe in slippers, maybe just me. Re: speckled, not sure it adds anything here, better to emphasise the cold marble floor.
4 5th paragraph ... I remove the (two-handled) washing up ... do you need two-handled? What could help flow here ... I fill the washing-cup next to the sink with water ... This paragraph is a little awkward - again, look for what is implicit.

I get the picture clearly with a few less words and repetition of words. In my view this would strengthen the fine observations Ora makes while doing her rituals. If these points go against the reason behind your sentences, please ignore them. None of this rattles the essence, your story is a pleasure to read and provides a wonderful insight into experiences that are poorly understood.

LF40 Review

Chapter Eighteen – Is there a typo near the beginning, “ The gypsies came travelled from India…”?

I’m not sure about the repetition of “so I’m told”, “so I’ve heard” or words to that effect. It started to sound a bit stilted.

You might want to have a little look at the punctuation father’s/fathers’ for example.

I had no problem with the gypsy element of the chapter. At first I did wonder why Chaim was suddenly talking about his past, but he explained it as the need for Ora to know all about him and that seem plausible. The only thing I wondered is whether he might begin a little more personally, make more reference to being other, an outsider, not what he seems, being a bit of a gypsy before telling the history of the gypsies, so that it becomes a bit more of his story rather than a dry history lesson. Just a thought.

Otherwise, this chapter is a worthy continuation of a very fine and well written story.


J.S.Watts
Witchlight

Ch1

I don’t know if you changed anything or not…but on this read of the masturbation scene, that they had sex last night and it is now morning works for me.

You write quite sensuously, describing things in a manner that makes the story flow from sentence to sentence easily.

I did skim over the prayers after the first one – but I don’t find that they are there, an issue, and hope that they do not form part of the deeper plot because I have skimmed them.

To me, the narrative makes it clear she is religious.

I noticed when you said in response to the questions something similar to that you would like people to take away more of an understanding of the religion, I don't know if they are full prayers or not, to me the essense of any prayer works well. Just the fact she is going to prayer or begins a prayer to me shows something about the religion and faith of their followers without needing to have full understanding of scripture.

Ch2

The rewrite of chapter 2 has made the issue of him being on the floor clearer than on my first read. Well done.

syrupy heat of the summer day ----- love that description.

I noticed here you mention the gypsies, which tells me you have probably adequately foreshadowed chapter 18

I found the following paragraph with all those names overwhelming and wondered if I am going to need to recall any of them for a purpose.

“Rabbi Abouhazera, Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai, our very own Rabbi Meir – Master of the Miracles himself, the Hafetz Haim, Rabbi Ovadiah Yosef, the Ben Ish Chai, Rabbi Shlomo Amar, Rabbi Mordechai Eliyahu, Rav Kaduri, Rabbi Nachman of Bratslav, Maimonides and more. Light a ner neshama – a soul fire, inside or outside your soul - your choice! And all sanctioned by the holiest of Rabbis! Hah!”

The rest of the description of the markets I feel work great…

…now that italic, I realize now why I’m having difficulty with it and still on this second read, and I actually read the paragraphs proceeding it several times and found what was going on at the start confusing – and I think that might be because we have a first voice narrative. Generally when we introduced italic, in third, we have moved to thoughts – but a first person narrative is basically all thoughts of an individual character. To me although the writing is great in that italic, and that proceeding paragraph attempts to clarify what is going on, I’m not sure it does.

The paragraphs that follow the italic work well and we become clearer about what has happened…maybe you just need to make us aware she is losing consciousness a little bit more, by her grappling with the sensation as that appears that was what happened during the vision.

We have her saying she feels faint and that her vision (btw you say eyes) goes blurry from the heat (again a moment there for her to feel that heat and wonder why it is getting warmer, closer, the mountains are swaying, she’s conscious of this not being normal, oh my (GOD? Her God – actually she probably doesn’t think that way) what is happening? why are the gusts of heat from the flames fanning my face, where are the flames coming from, the winds whipping around me…certainly a challenge and I guess it really only needs a line or so of something, but I’m not sure what it is.

If you have been getting request for fulls after this chapter, I guess it isn’t an issue to others, and if an agent or editor feel it is, they will surely have a solution to something which just might be my issue. If you haven't sent this out yet, I guess a lot crits might show wether the lead into the italic is troublesome to only me.

Will read more shortly.

Your technique of writing in a very personal mode, yet from a universal appeal makes for a very enjoyable read. You take the character's thoughts to a deep level without overdoing it and your usage of simple terminology is a refreshing difference. Thank you and well done!